joe and ty ty hit the restaurant early, by five pm. bowling green
was a strange town, it was controled by vice and bootlegging. the town
was dry, so you had to bring your own bottle. the clubs were free to mix
your drinks from the stuff you brought in and deposited. the cover
charge at manhattan towers was fifty dollars. ty ty deposited his a&p
sack of goodies with the hostess, and the pair began with very strong
bourbon and waters. they'd brought with them, apparently, gin, whisky,
scotch, beer and hair oil, and were noisily drinking their way through
them when i sneaked up behind them. ty ty was in the process of calling
joe vermin again. i guess he meant it affectionately.
"and you're a scum sucking pig," joe said.
"ooooh, i haven't been called that in years, sweetheart, and i
do love it so."
"don't you think you were overly dramatic with j. rice this
afternoon?" joe asked.
"of course not sugar, he called us vermin."
"we've been called that before ty ty."
"yes but not by someone under thirty," ty ty responded. "joe,
did i ever tell you about my old buddies, goodie and toad?"
"i don't think so, vermin."
"hey, watch that," ty ty warned. "anyway, goodie and
toad were sitting on the creek bank one evening, contemplating the
sunset, drinking solax and chasing it with creek water, and toad told
goodie that his eyes were turning yellow."
"what's solax?" joe questioned.
"some kinda paint thinner, i believe," ty ty said. "as
goodie was drinkin' and quotin' the star spangled banner, a policeman
sneaked up and arrested them."
"very interesting ty ty, what was the charge?"
"public intoxication, i believe, but i could have had them out
in twenty minutes though. anyway, they woke up in jail the next
morning, terribly thirsty, the water at the sink didn't work, and so
yellow goodie unscrewed the son-of-a-bitch, and there was plenty of
water for both of them." ty ty laughed, and laughed.
"i don't get it." joe said.
"damn city rat vermin, you never understand the humor of
eastern kentucky, goddamnit."
the hostess brought them fresh drinks. "damn!" ty ty
shouted. "is ice extra?"
"you bet baby, twenty dollars extra," she said.
"well, here's a fresh hundred, just made it, let our friend
carlee mccord in when she shows, and keep the extra until i really get
a hard on." the hostess smiled.
"that'll be the one standing behind you," she said,
nodding at me.
"evening guys," i said.
"the sweetheart of sigma chi," joe announced.
"carlee, you're late," said ty ty.
"and you're drunk."
"not as drunk as joe." as if to prove it joe drank the
bourbon the waitress had just brought.
"damn joe, the ice will be here in just a minute."
"makes no difference to me ty ty, i could have dranken the
hair oil."
"dranken's not a real word, drunk is preferable."
"who give's a shit?" joe responded. ty ty shrugged. "barkeep,
a drink for the lady. and we'll have another round!" he shouted.
"honey, your bourbon's gone, what's next?"
"what else is in that poke, sweetie?"
"scotch and gin, i believe," she responded.
"name your poison, joseph," ty ty said, with a slurred
voice.
"scotch sounds good to me," he answered.
"sounds good to me, scotch it will be, and make it doubles
melissa."
"i'm june, mr. mccloud."
"wrong! barkeep, tonight you're melissa, one of my favorite
names, outside of mary."
"are you gentlemen going to eat tonight?" she asked.
"we've been waiting for our guest. now that she's finally here
we'll think about it," joe answered, as he gulped half his drink.
"how long have you guys been here?" i asked. i knew the
answer: too long.
"hey, it's friday night and we just got paid. what's the rest
of the words to that song?"
"there ain't none that i ever heered." joe added, "have
a drink with us ,carlee. oh barkeep!"
"i don't want a drink ty ty, it's been a rough day and i want
to eat and get home. it's also obvious that you two need a designated
driver."
"may i take your order, ma'me?" june asked.
"yes, thank you, i'll have broiled trout with drawn butter and
a spinach salad." june wrote.
"we too," joe interjected, but bring us another round
while we're waiting." she returned in a moment with my attorneys'
drinks.
"it will be twenty minutes or so, miss." i smiled and
nodded.
"so about this afternoon," i started.
"good news, carlee," ty ty anounced. didn't seem like
good news to me. seemed like we had been offered three and a half
million and and ended up throwing the opposition attorney out of the
building. i know shit about the law, but that didn't seem smart to me.
"good news?"
"he offered three and a half million to settle out of court."
i didn't know what to say.
"that's a lot of money guys."
"you betcha, damn straight, a lot of money," joe added.
"but, what about the court case?" i asked.
"won't be none," joe drunkenly stated.
"you see, doll," ty ty started, "lawyers don't like
to go to court, it's boring. have to get up early in the mornings,
watch your drinking, be on your toes every second of the case,
discoveries, depos, cross examinations, shit like that."
"but i thought that's what you went to law school for," i
said.
"that's true carlee," joe stated. "but there is so
much that they don't teach you in school, street law, that's what ty
ty calls it anyway."
"i'm afraid i don't completely understand," i said.
"explain it to her ty ty," joe insisted, as he finished
his drink.
"the law's a business, carlee, just like merchandizing, just
like running a restaurant, just like medicine. we have found, over the
years, that going to trial is the least profitable avenue to take. you
depend on a jury, which doesn't want to even be there, to win the
case, and they rarely award punitive damages, it's not in their best
interest, and they don't gain a penny for it. in our suit, we're out
salaries to staff and investigators, office overhead, our earnings, a
third of three million will mean we will do about $500.00 an hour, and
you will become a very rich young lady." i wasn't perplexed, i
was angry. they didn't care anything about me, it was simply the
money. god, i had proposed that to myself many times during these
preceedings, but hearing it like this, from two drunken lawyers,
really upset me, how many damn times do i have to re-explain it to
myself?
"excuse me, i have to go to the powder room." i said.
i was crying when i opened the powder room door. june was in there.
"what's the matter sweetie?" she asked.
"i, i just need a kleenex," i sobbed. she found one and
held me tight. i blew my nose, and wiped my eyes.
"do you need a friend miss?" i faked a smile.
"i think i need my dad," i said. she patted the back of
my head.
"i wouldn't pay much attention to those two creeps, the only
real man in that operation is mr. gorman senior, now he's a
sweetheart." i smiled.
"i believe you're right, and thanks." she left, and i
fixed what was left of my face. goddamnit, as soon as you get really
interested in something, someone always shoots you down. thinking back
though, i did realize that mr. gorman didn't hunt me up at the white
tray that morning because he felt sorry for me, or that he wanted to
help me, he wanted only to help him! and i shaved my legs for this?
i saundered back to the table, joe and ty ty were on another drink.
"you upset with us babe?" ty ty asked.
"yes."
"we're only lookin' after your best interest," he said.
"bull shit," i said. ty ty looked at joe.
"no comment." our trout arrived.
"goddamn!!" ty ty shouted.
"what's the matter sir?" june asked.
"hell, the son-of-a-bitch is staring up at me. freaks me
completely out!"
"i'm sorry sir, would you like me to take it back?"
"yeah, remove its head and its tail." ty ty fell over on
the table. he was passed out. joe was at ease though, we nibbled at
trout together squirting lemon juice on it and dipping it in drawn
butter.
"pretty damn good." he said. i nodded my head in
agreement.
june and i carried the two out to the parking lot. "which is
their car, honey?"
"the fiat, i think." i answered.
"let's put mr. mccloud in the back seat then," she
proposed.
"i don't think it has one june," i answered.
"oh shit." she said. the three of us were crammed into
the car like sardines, positioned quite obscenely. i didn't know where
either of them lived, so i drove to gorman and gorman. a light was on,
so i stopped and knocked on the door. mr. gorman senior came to the
door.
"carlee, my angel, what brings you here at this late hour?"
"i have your son and ty ty mr. gorman, they've drank too much
and i drove them home."
"are they sleeping?" he asked.
"deeply," i said.
"well, come in then, out of the cold."
"mr. gorman, may i ask you a question?"
"why, certainly my dear."
"did the guys tell you about their visit from president
thompson's attorney today?"
"no, but melissa did," he answered.
"what do you think about the offer sir?"
"it's a generous offer, miss carlee, makes a lot of money for
everyone concerned, but offers little else."
"what do you mean by that sir?"
"settleing out of court is the easy way out carlee, it makes
it easy on attorneys not to fight in court, it makes it easy on the
client, not to undergo stress, it makes it easy on the judicial system
not to tie up the court room, and it makes the law a joke. i, myself,
have great admiration for the law. they make good laws, they make bad
laws, it was our job to change things. i changed many bad laws carlee,
in court, and i was very proud of each one, it kept me alive, it
strengthened me to go on, it made my life's work interesting."
"what will happen if i take the money and run mr. gorman?"
"do you have a tee shirt with 'bitch' written across the front
and a very long way to run?" i grinned. "the settlement, my
dear, will be well worth it to the establishment at western, three
million is nothing to them. they will accuse you directly, or more
directly in the matter of the stolen tests. the real thieves will
laugh, because there will be no further investigation, the case will
be closed. you will find it difficult, or even impossible to find an
empty class at western, or anywhere else maybe, there are
repercussions involved with big bucks." i started to cry, and mr.
gorman senior held me tightly. "now, now, pretty one, i wouldn't
attempt to make up your mind for you for any amount of money. i'm just
trying to point out some options." i couldn't stop crying. "let
me drive you home, and you rest, and think. i founded this law firm,
and it's still mine, if you choose dear, i will represent you myself
with all the vigor left, in my disgraceful longevity."
i cried and smiled. "you're the greatest, mr. gorman."
"i'm just ok, carlee." he laughed.
mr. gorman and i roused joe and ty ty, helped them inside. they
were wobbly, but alright.
"did you get that paper a&p poke when we left joe?"
"why, you need to oil your hair?"
"no, i need to cut it off, too damn heavy."
"we may want to cut our heads off tomorrow," joe said.
"oh shut up and find us a drink." joe opened a desk
drawer and pulled out a jug of white liquid. he gathered up a couple
of glasses. "it's friday night and we just got paid," he
sang.
"oh, shut that shit up," ty ty declared, as he held his
head. mr. gorman semior laughed.
"drunken lawyers." he said. i smiled.
mr. gorman opened the door of the fiat for me. "foreign cars,"
he glibly stated.
"i could drive this into the back seat of my car."
"where to carlee?"
"ah, do you know chestnut street?"
"of course."
"and the park city hotel?"
"yes."
"i rent a room there for the school year."
"a beautiful old institution, the park city, does bobby
lacklan still manage it?"
"no sir, a mr. gott does."
"hmmm, don't know him." a few minutes later he pulled up
in front of the hotel. "now remember baby, think, put on a
comfortable thinking cap and think. you don't have to settle, nor do
you have to go to court, but i will graciously back whatever decision
you make."
"mr. gorman, what would you do?"
"i can't answer that carlee, i won't answer that, the decision
is for you to make."
"they told me that they would send me to paralegal school, mr
gorman."
"and so they will dear," he promised. i kissed him on the
cheek and walked slowly inside.
"your dad's called three times for you carlee," conny,
the night clerk announced.
"the colonel?"
"yes, and he's upset."
"oh god, he's back home."
"ring him back conny, give me ten minutes." i went to my
room, and made a well deserved drink. my fridge consisted of four
portabello mushrooms, the size of my wall clock, a half a carton of
orange juice, some bacon and some sharp cheese. the phone rang in a
few minutes. "hello?"
"carlee, angel, i just got home, you're in trouble, aren't you
baby?"
"yes daddy, i am, in a lot of trouble."
"anything this old soldier can do to help?" god, how i
needed those words, my strength and my salvation. i broke into tears.
"honey, honey, speak to me if you can!"
"i'm trying daddy, i' m trying." and i was, but i
couldn't.
"do you want me to come to bowling green baby, tonight?"
"no dad," i sniffed. "i'm ok, just glad to hear a
friendly voice." i really meant more than that. he knew too.
"i'm so sorry baby, you know, i didn't want to be out of the
country." gosh, he'd been telling me that for fifteen years, when
mama was dying and when i had my first date, even when i graduated
from high school. but i loved him though, he really did understand me,
more than anyone else in the world.
"there's been some trouble at school dad, i'm ok, really. i
hired a law firm, they're looking after me."
"were you hurt angel, anything like that?"
"no, no, it was over a test they think i stole."
"what kind of test carlee maree?"
"a chemistry test, oh god, it's so complicated, and i'm so
embarrased."
"tell me about it?" he asked. i told him everything i
knew, it took over an hour.
"this mr. gorman looked you up, you didn't call him?"
"that's right, i was about to have breakfast."
"did you read the paper?"
"no, i hadn't seen it."
"well, i feel that gorman and gorman's intervention was for
opportunity, if you'd like military lawyers, i can call them."
"what do you think i should do dad?" i asked.
"oh, i can't answer that baby, not now anyway, i think that
you should spend some more time with mr. gorman senior, he seems to
have a level head, at least i think he does." we talked for a few
more minutes then dad hung up, promising to call tomorrow. my father
is the smartest man on the planet, he always has been. better than
that, he was not only my dad, but my friend. the telephone rang. conny
told me that it was brian crawford. brian was the boy of my dreams
this semester, cute as he could be.
"hi carlee," he said. "listen, i'm devastated by the
news, are you ok?"
"i'm dealing brian, trying to anyway."
"i feel for you babe, is there anything i can do?" god,
he lit up my life, feeling for me was quantity sufficient.
"thank you very much brian." i said, my heart pounding.
"i know you didn't take those tests carlee, i've heard you're
suing western, i'll be glad to be a witness for you."
"oh, that's awfully sweet of you, brian," i said, in my
sexiest voice.
"listen babe, i know it's late, but if you're hungry, i know
an all night pizza place."
"a date?"
"well, yeah," he answered.
"i'm bad new these days, brian."
"not to me," he said. i thought of the one pound
mushrooms, and the cheese.
"it's ok with me brian, if you promise to take me to an all
night grocery store as well."
"deal, carlee."
"i'll be in the lobby." i had a date. wow!
"you're certainly not going out this late are you, carlee?"
conny asked.
"so, what are you, my keeper?" i asked.
"naaa, i don't give a damn what you do or who you screw,"
conny answered. conny was an old navy man, i don't suppose he really
did care what i did or who i screwed. i had talked with him many a
night, listened to his stories, we were friends. i'd lean on the
counter and conny would brag. i'm not even sure which war he was in,
those he didn't kill, he fucked. i knew he was a lonely old man, but i
loved him, in my fashion. "sweet meat has arrived." conny
announced. he had never asked anything about my predicament, but i
knew that he read the paper from cover to cover.
"hi, carlee, you ready?" brian asked so softly.
"i'm ready, if she ain't," conny glibly said, he was
pissed.
"you've got your choice brian," i said.
"i choose you carlee, although your friend is attractive."
conny went smug.
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