carlee - a thing of beauty
carlee in law part three
jayne skidmore and her boyfriend charlie edwards stole the tests from professor wilkerson's office in the dead of night this september, right after the beginning of the semester. charlie had plaster impressions of locks on the office door and two filing cabinets, he spent the summer on that project. the keys were made at park city, they entered after night, avoiding the campus watchmen, their mission was completely by one am. there were nine tests in all, each was reproduced in cursive handwriting at least twenty times, with different answers on each. the buyers were guarenteed an a or a b, depending on the test sold to them. jayne sold the tests, for $90.00 a piece, to countless students. i'm not sure if anyone else sold them or not. there was no problem with the tests until the seventh one. it was basically concerned with logarithms and someone apparently discovered the first six were stolen, and number seven was amended. many of the students were clever enough to immediately see the changes, and took the new test. others just turned in the stolen one without even looking at the test. i was one.

"here joe."

"what's this carlee?"

"my deposition." joe read.

"ok, can you back this up?"

"of course i can."

"do you understand tort, carlee?"

"no, joe, i don't know what that is."

"you will dear, you will."

an hour later, a representative from the university made an appointment to see mr. gorman and ty ty at four o'clock, the girl informed them. as distasteful as it is, any female that works in a law office is "a girl" lest she be a partner or a paralegal.

"have we got anything from the pi's or the paralegals, ty ty?"

"not really joe, other than the general consensus on the hill is that carlee was railroaded. they spoke with mrs. taylor earlier, and her lips were sealed."

"i expected that."

"i hope to hell that this appointment we have is about a settlement." ty ty explained.

"can I stay, ty ty?" i asked.

"no, babe. that wouldn't be proper."

"oh, ty ty!"

"hell, ty ty, she can sit in the next room and listen in, can't she? won't do any harm."

"guess not. don't make any noise though. and if he starts saying anything else that might defame your sweet little character leave it to us, don't come storming through to sort him out."

"okay, okay," i laughed.

j. rice mcclure arrived at the office promptly at four. "i have an appointment miss," he said to the girl, and handed her his card.

she announced over the intercom, "mr. j. rice mcclure is here."

"please send him in," ty ty stated. "carlee, the other room. i disappeared round one door just as the secretary showed mr mcclure through the other.

"gentlemen, i'm jay mcclure, attorney for the university."

"come in, glad to meet you sir. i'm joe gorman and this is tyrone mccloud."

"my pleasure gentlemen." jay rice took a seat in one of the leathery chairs. "i won't beat around the bush gentlemen," he said. "i'm here to talk with you about this girl, carlee mccord."

"good, i like a man of action, mr. mcclure," ty ty said. the two waited hungrily, eagerly anticipating mr. mcclure's offer.

"your client has caused the president and the dean of students a bit of grief that they don't need," he said.

"oh?" joe said.

"yes, not so much they can't handle, but she's caused some 'discomfort.'"

"we hate to hear that jay," ty ty said.

"plus, you gentlemen have added to the havoc by having a number of investigators asking questions on the hill."

"we retain investigators to seek evidence for our clients mr. mcclure, just like any law firm," joe said. mr. mcclure smiled.

"yes, i suppose," he responded. "in any event gentlemen, we would like to settle this matter."

"alright, that's possible, how much are your bosses willing to pay?" ty ty asked.

"that's obscene!" mcclure responded.

"shit." ty ty said. "let me have the girl bring in a violin. play us the 'stars and stripes forever,' then tell us that you're only working for truth, justice and the american way, superman, then tell us that you haven't been to the court house!" mr. mcclure glared at both of them.

"i resent your implication that i'm here only to haggle with you over a dollar."

"then why else in the hell are you here mcclure? you're a lawyer, same as us, you suck ass for the university, we suck for ourselves, now tell us what the kingdom of the hill offers, or get the hell out of this office!" mr. mcclure lowered his head.

"a million and a half." then he looked up.

"mr. mcclure," ty ty said, in his best southern accent, "have you read the charges aginst dean cravens and president thompson?"

"i have, sir," he answered.

"degrees for dropping her charges, assault by the president, cover up, threats to fire loyal employees for simply doing their job?"

"i have read such," he answered.

"and have you read of payment for medical and legal fees, and punitive damages for three million dollars?"

"i have been authorized to offer three million and medical fees to end this thing," mcclure slowly said.

"you think that we're low-lives mcclure?" joe asked.

"i do," was his answer.

"well, think about this, superman, if we had accepted three million, who would have gotten the other million and a half?" mr. mcclure was silent. "would it have gone into the alumni fund?" still no response. "into some null fund to help impoverished students trying to better theirselves? ty ty asked sarcastically.

"i don't want to look at the likes of you all any more, you are vermin, three and half million, and that's final!"

"no," said ty ty flatly. i didn't like the way this was going. we'd just been offered three and a half million, and he was saying no. not only that but he was so aggressive i couldn't see how they could ever get to an agreement. i was scared ty ty was losing the plot. through a crack in the door i managed to peep at what was happening. ty ty opened his desk drawer, pulled out a large gun, and placed it in his right hand.

"ty ty!" joe warned.

"shut up joe," he said.

"just tell me, mr. j. rice mcclure, how much money is a human life worth?" mr. mcclure did not answer. he sweated instead. "ok then how much money is mr. rat gorman's life worth?"

"this is all getting out of hand, mr. mccloud," mr. mcclure announced.

"all right, joe rat, what price do you put on your pretty head?"

"more than any lousy three million bucks, sugar," joe answered.

"well exactly how much, goddamnit!!"

"six, ty ty, six million dollars, not a fucking penny less!" ty ty pulled a check out of his desk drawer, and wrote; 'To: joe rat gorman, the sum of three million dollars, three million and xx/100, For: his miserable vermin life.' he slid the check across the desk, and pointed his gun between mr. gorman's eyes.

"i ought to fire your sorry ass ty ty."

"oh no, massa, i been yo lowly vermin slave fo over twenty years, you can't fire me massa," he then pulled the trigger.

"click!"

"shit!" ty ty shouted.

"goddamn!" said mcclure.

"there's bullets in there ty ty, i can see 'em," joe stated.

ty ty opened the chamber, shook the gun, and six cartridges dropped out.

"you're right baby, why didn't it work then?"

i was getting really freaked now, i had no idea what was happening. i had to do something, but i knew i couldn't walk into the room. i picked up the phone and dialled the main office number. the girl answered and i asked to be put through to ty ty, urgently, too bad if he was in a meeting, just disturb him, but do it now.

"i'm leaving gentlemen," mr. mcclure announced.

"you ain't going fuckin' nowhere!!" joe shouted. "how very rude, can't you see that mr. mccloud isn't finished with this meeting?" joe pushed the attorney back into the plush leather chair.

"what's the difference in 38 shells and 45 shells friend?"

"seven millimeters pal," joe answered.

"seven silly millimeters," ty ty said with a grin and a lisp. a knock at the door. "yes!" ty ty hollared.

"miss mccord on two," the girl said.

"tell her to hold, melissa."

"is her name melissa?" joe asked.

"for christ's sake mr. gorman, she's worked here for twelve years, of course her name is melissa. now, for you mcclure, you go back and tell your boss that you've just come from a meeting with two of the craziest sons of bitches you've ever been around, and we have his offer, but need to consult with our client."

"but she's on your line mr. mccloud."

"no she's not, she's in..." ty ty looked into the room i was cowering in. i thought he was about to blow my cover. "is she? on the line? smart cookie." he recovered his composure and grabbed the telephone, staring at mcclure defiantly. "but she's not on your line sir," he said to him. "and take this to the grave with you mcclure, if you ever want to see vermin, real vermin, just take a look in the fuckin' mirror."

"can i leave now?" he asked. ty ty looked up at joe.

"may i," joe said. ty ty grinned.

"may i then?"

"you'd better while you can mr. vermin mcclure, before he figures out that 38' don't work well in 45's." mr. mcclure headed for the door eagerly.

"mccloud," ty ty said into the receiver. "hi carlee, what's up?"

"what the hell d'you mean, 'what's up?'" i exclaimed. "what are you doing?"

"oh, well, don't worry about that bill, we'll cover it." god knows what he was talking about. "listen, joe and i are just saying goodbye to a dear friend here and then we're having dinner at the manhattan towers tonight, it's friday night and we just got paid, meet us there at seven, we have a proposition for you baby." i heard the door slam as mcclure disappeared.

i swung my door open and stared at ty ty. "what time?" i said.

"down by the river, seven o'clock." he turned to joe. "hey joe, tell melissa to call the hospital and make good for carlee's bill, they'll be on her ass soon enough if you don't."

"sure thing ty ty, and you say her name's melissa?"

"that's what i always called her, she answers to it, melissa, i think"


on to carlee in law part four


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