"nice to meet you dear," he said, with a pleasant smile and a gleam in his dull blue eyes.

"what do you think of her, dad?"

"a thing of beauty is a joy forever, and you are definitely a thing of beauty, carlee." i blushed. "she's perfect joe," the old man said. "there's not a jury on the planet who would convict her, even if she were guilty."

"i knew you'd like her, dad."

"like her! i love her. young lady, when i was your age, western kentucky university was western kentucky teacher's college, a semester hour would cost you $8.00. now it's $75.00, but we could reduce them to eight again, if that's what you want. your visit by the dean of students last night placed their balls in a wringer, now what do you want to do to them dear, burn or pay?"

"make 'em pay, mr. gorman." i said.

"a girl after my own heart. ty ty?"

"yes sir?"

"draw up the papers, mccord vs western kentucky university, defamation of character, and what a fine character she has."

"it's already been done, sir," ty ty explained.

"then tack on three million in punitive damages."

"yes sir."

"anyone who would attempt to malign this lovely creature should be made to pay out the ass," mr. gorman said. he reminded me of mr. lansky.

"i think he likes you, carlee." ty ty observed.

"i have that effect on older men," i replied. ty ty looked at little joe, and they both grinned.

"my father trained troops in cuba in the late 50s, carlee, he's quite famous in this town."

"yeah, he helped put castro in office. sends him a christmas card every year."

"i saw that card in the paper," i said.

"of course, both of them are older than dirt now, but they still have great minds."

"that's what matters, i suppose," i said.

"now, we have a ton of papers for you to sign, carlee." and a ton it was: antidisclosure forms, rediscovery papers, a bunch of personal stuff, i felt like i was doing a marriage contract with gorman and gorman. i was told not to speak with anyone at school, refer everything to them. they had six paralegals and 2 pi's (private investigators) working on campus, digging up dirt, and every speck of it was more than appreciated. i was learning how much "dirt" meant to lawyers, it was their strength, their salvation.

the next morning, i went to class as usual. my first class was abnormal pyschology 303, an interesting course, but i couldn't get my head into it this morning. people were staring at me, i could feel them. "manic-depressive psychosis has been replaced with bipolar....my god in heaven!" professor baxter stared at the door. there stood president kelly thompson with two other men or either side of him.

"excuse us, dr. baxter, we just need to borrow one of your students," mr. thompson explained. lawrence and eugene came to my desk, and i stood, too frightened to utter a sound. they escorted me to the president's office. i was seated in a leather chair at the head of the president's desk, he on the other side in his chair. lawrence and eugene stood by the door.

"who stole the test papers, miss mccord?" he asked, without a smile.

"i have legal counsel, mr. thompson."

"and i don't give a damn about your counsel, miss mccord! i just want to know the truth." i was shaking so hard i couldn't even think. "was it you?" he bluntly asked.

"no sir, it wasn't me," i answered.

"you have straight a's in qa, so you must have bought all the tests." i resented that remark.

"i also have straight a's in shakespeare and trigonometry sir!"

"i know that, and i'm not suggesting that you are stupid, i merely want to know who stole all of wilkerson's tests!"

"i don't know," i replied.

"you know who you bought all of yours from, don't you?"

"i bought only one, the last one."

"why miss mccord?"

"i hate logarithms, and this test had many of them, that's my only reason, i'm not a thief or a cheat mr. thompson."

"i beg to differ with you carlee, you are a cheat!" i could feel my face turning red, i was about to cry. "nail on the head?" he asked. i was crushed. a tear fell from my right eye. i had never been so embarrassed in my life. i placed my face in my palms and cried bitter tears. my nose turned red.

"i, i wish i had never heard of those damn tests." i stammered.

"i have a daughter, carlee, about your age, almost as pretty as you. i called her at three am this morning, she's at duke university, i asked her if she would ever buy a stolen test. you know what she told me?"

"n, no sir."

"she said, there was no way she would ever do such a thing. she wouldn't be able to live with herself." i said nothing, but was mind was going a hundred and twenty. "now tell me carlee, tell me everything you know about the stolen tests." i knew that president thompson's interrogation was illegal, he should have called my lawyers first. i also thought that this could also prove positive to the law suit. if i started talking, and told mr. thompson what i knew, he could thank me, properly dismiss me and consider, unlike dean craven's visit, a windfall for the university. i said nothing. "speak to me miss mccord!" he shouted. i flinched, looked up at him and he looked toward the door and raised an eyebrow. one of his thugs got in behind me and pulled my pony tail, real hard. i felt my neck snap, and i was in pain. "speak to me!!!" i began to cry.

"you've hurt me, mr. thompson, and i have nothing to say to you." i announced.

"apparently you don't give a damn about the two years you've spent at this university, my daughter as much as told me that!" oh, what i wanted to tell him. the thug still held my hair and my neck was still drawn.

"please let me go mr. thompson," i begged. he rapidly drew his head to the left, and lawrence or eugene released my pony tail.

"please talk to me carlee," his voice softened. i ran out of his office. my hair hurt, my neck hurt and i couldn't stop crying. i ran into a teacher of mine who was just beyond president thompson's door. she held he arms out and i ran to her.

"what's the matter baby, why are you crying?" mrs. taylor held me tight.

"they hurt me, mrs. taylor," is all i said.

"president thompson?" she nervously asked.

"yes ma'me." i said.

"oh carlee, they shouldn't have done that, please calm down."

"i just want to die mrs. taylor, i just want to die." i broke away from her and ran down the hall. looking back, as i was exiting the building, i saw mrs. taylor in president thompson's office, he was pointing his finger at her.

in my car, i decided that i had to do some deep thinking, some rational thinking, some legal thinking. my head was killing me, i headed for the hospital emergency room. i felt that ty ty and little joe would tell me to do this. i felt that they would compel me to do this. there were three hospitals in bowling green, greenview, the medical center and bowling general. my dad had health insurance for me through the army because i was in school. i didn't have a card though, i chose bowling green general. the poor and the homeless preferred this one, and i was poor and battered. i thought it would make a good impression, in court.

it was ten am when i arrived at bowling green general. the floor was wooden and very old. it smelled bad, not antiseptic like greenview. i wandered to the admission desk. "hi." i said.

"are you a patient?" the admissions clerk asked. she was fat, middle aged and black.

"i need to see a doctor," i answered.

"do you have medicare?" she asked.

"i'm only twenty," i answered.

"that don't make no difference around here, missy."

"no, i'm not on social security."

"then you have insurance?"

"yes, but i don't have a card."

"no matter, we'll hunt it up. name?"

"carlee m. mccord."

"age?"

"twenty, i already told you."

"sex?"

"occassionally," i answered. she smiled.

"can you fill this form out miss mccord, i have to pee." i had completed the form when the clerk returned. "thanks," she said. "why exactly do you need to see the doctor?"

"a man pulled my hair, and i have a headache that's not to be believed."

"do you have a family physician, miss mccord?"

"not here, i'm a student."

"ok, will you be paying cash for this visit?" i thought about telling her to bill my law firm, but then i thought better of that, they could reimburse me after i saw the doctor, if this wound up as part of the lawsuit, it would look better if i paid.

"yes ma'me, i'll pay."

"please have a seat over there, they'll call you when their ready for you." i sat beside four other patients, they were all reading magazines, i tried one, but my head hurt too bad, and my vision was blurry. it was almost one pm before the nurse called my name. she directed me to a room, told me to take my clothes off and slip into a hospital gown. it was cold in the room, cold and uncomfortable. after twenty minutes or so, a doctor entered my cell.

"miss mccord, i'm doctor garcia." he exclaimed as he held out his hand. he was attractive, but his hand shake was weak. "you're here because your head hurts?"

"no sir, i'm here because my head aches like it never has before, and my vision's blurry." i explained to him about the goon almost pulling my hair out, and my neck snapping, and how i hurt.

"you've been crying," he observed.

"yes," i said. he took out a pen light and asked me to close my eyes, then open them. he shone the light directly into them.

"hmmm," he said. "can you read me the fourth line on that chart on the wall miss mccord?"

"no, i can barely make out the first line."

"do you normally wear glasses?"

"no, i've always been 20-20."

"please stand up, now walk on your heels. now your toes. miss mccord, who pulled your hair?"

"i don't know his name, dr. garcia."

"have you been under a lot of stress and strain at school lately?"

"yes, a lot."

"please close your eyes." i did. "now hold your hands straight out. please touch your nose." i touched my left cheek with my right hand. the next thing i knew, i was having a cat scan. dr. garcia came in when the tech was putting me in the tank. "i'd rather have an mri miss mccord, but i'd have to send you to another hospital for that."

"what do you think is wrong with me, doctor?"

"something, i'm not sure yet, since you don't have a local doc, if anything different happens to you today, please call me, i'm here for twenty four hours." i agreed.

dr. garcia wrote me a prescription of pain pills. my bill was seventeen hundred dollars. i couldn't pay it. "we take master charge and visa." the clerk told me. i wrote her a check for three hundred and told her i'd be in next week to settle. this was alright with her, i doubted if she really cared. i took two aspirin and drove to gorman and gorman. i told ty ty and little joe my story.

"my god, ty ty, we've got to send her to law school, she's a natural," joe said.

"just wait until i tell daddy." he ran out of the office.

"carlee, when i was a kid in grade school," ty ty said, "we had a principal who was refered to as 'ole bag sinclair,' her office was where the buck stopped, she was thought to have an electric paddle, with the capabilities of beating a kid's ass off. i got into trouble one day, hit a girl, they sent me to her. as i waited in the office, i could imagine myself totally naked, being tied in a chair, then beaten half to death with her electric paddle. when i entered her office, and confess my sins, ole bag sinclair gave me four swats on the hiney, which would have cost her ten to twenty years today. we need to get you out of western at this point, there's a paralegal course across town that opens in two months, sign up for it doll, you won't be sorry. joe's right, you are a natural." he smiled.

"did i make you think of ole bag sinclair ty ty?"

"no, of the girl i hit." we laughed, and i made to leave. as i swung the door open joe returned with a sly grin on his face and i was curious. when he thought i'd gone i snuck back in and pressed my ear to the door, it was half open.

"ty ty, where do you think this will end?" little joe asked.

"hard to say buddy, kelly thompson's been an icon in this city for thirty years, the university for fifty. they've botched this whole deal, i'm sure the'll settle."

"how much?"

"millions, i'd guess."

"what about the girl?"

"carlee, she's a dream, a jury's dream of perfection, she couldn't be better."

"what if she were eva herzigova, the real cat burgler, can we be sure?"

"who the hell cares joe? she's smart and she's pretty, i don't think she's in such need of money that she would go to the trouble. i think she'd make a great cat burgler though." they smiled. "how's it going with dean cravens?" ty ty continued.

"he's scared shitless, and should be." joe answered.

"if our sweetheart of sigma chi is telling us the truth about today, cravens ain't in no trouble at all."

"have you ever know that a client was lying to you ty ty?"

"sure, but it's stupid, anyone who lies to their doctor or their lawyer is stupid, it all comes out in the court room, or the operating room."

"it can prove embarrasing though."

"at three hundred bucks an hour, i can afford embarrassment."

"ty ty, i believe this thing's bigger than we counted on, i don't believe eva, eh, carlee told us anything other than the whole truth about this morning."

"interview kelly," ty ty advised. "scare him a little, but play it cool, if we build this thing into a conspiracy, the payments will be low. we want to settle."

"yes, and i'd say settle quickly," joe said.

"before we make our move, joe, all the data from the pi's and the paralegals has to be in, light a fire under their ass, and tell them this is not covert, make theirselves known on the hill and make sure people know they are working for us. you know kelly don't you, joe?"

"sure, i've known him for years."

"pay him a friendly visit then. and i'm going to speak with an attorney to find out the right road to travel." there was movement from inside and i figured it was time to make my exit. interesting, though...

ty ty, joe and i sat in ty ty's office the next day, and joe told us of his visit to president thompson. it hadn't gone well:

"mr. thompson, there's a gentleman to see you. says he's a friend and has an appointment." his secretary announced.

"the only appointment i have at this time is with my barber." kelly thompson rebuked.

"he's quite insistent sir, i think that he's mr. joe gorman."

"big joe or little joe?" he asked.

"the younger member, mr. thompson."

"shit, mrs. liddy, send him on in." joe hadn't been in thompson's office in fifteen years. it was very impressive, mahogany furniture and persian carpets. plaques of all descriptions hung from the sculptured walls. pictures of thompson with the governor, with the president, and with various congressmen and senators.

"you've come a long way kelly," joe announced.

"since being the kale street marble champion?"

"yeah, since then," joe said.

"it's a step up, but the marble championship was my all time high." they smiled.

"you look good kelly, success hasn't strained you."

"you look better than ok yourself joe. what brings you here?"

"a client, dear friend."

"oh, pray tell, who?"

"mccord, carlee mccord, you roughed her up earlier," said joe.

"that's a lie, counsellor!" thompson snapped.

"ok, then, your goons did."

"my goons, as you call them, are respected assistant deans of students, joe, they were with me when i questioned her about the stolen tests, but maddox or crane never roughed her up," explained thompson.

"well, we have an e.r. doc who says you all did, pulled her hair and gave her a terrific headache, the hospital visit came to nearly $2,000.00."

"damn brats, when i went to school, the teachers could beat the shit out of a kid, and nothing was ever said, i've still got scars on my ass from ole bag sinclair's paddle."

"times have changed kelly, this ain't kale street, and my client has a legitimate beef, she's no thief, you can't indulge in the kind of harassment that you and irving cravens have engaged in, without serious repercussions."

"alright already joe, send the fucking hospital bill to me."

"it's not that simple kelly, miss mccord has filed a class action suite against you for three million dollars."

"you've got to be shitting me, joe."

"i'm as serious as a heart attack, kelly."

"we were only trying to find the truth joe."

"goddamn it, you don't find truth like that any more, you find truth in a court of law, and only there!"

"why you ambulance chasing son-of a-bitch, your interest is the 50 percent, you don't give a shit about carlee mccord, it the fucking money!"

"so sue me, we're sueing you, and we're going to bring you down kelly, we're going to break your ass! and we don't charge 50 %."

"truth, justice and the american way, eh joe?"

"i didn't come here to argue with you kelly. we're upset, this case is upsetting, i've always had a lot of respect for you kelly, even back on kale street."

"what do you want me to do joe?"

"i think you need a good lawyer, kelly."

joe looked at us as he finished, he seemed almost sorry. "the sad part ty ty, is kelly was right."

"oh, get real joe, my brother breaks his balls on an assembly line making eleven dollars an hour, supporting a family of five. he knows damn well that we put on our shoes and go to work every morning to make a living, we do the same damn thing, we're no diffeent. why the hell do you think that president thompson was in his office yesterday?"

"i know tyrone, but the acusation made me feel funny."

"so unruffle your feathers pal, a man accuses you of earning a living, agree with him."