This is just a story, okay? It is meant for grownups, however the area of the world you live in defines it. Nothing like this ever happened and nothing like it ever should, get it? It is completely something from my imagination. This means it belongs to me, its creator, not to you, even if you live in China. So don't republish or repost or anything like that without me saying it's all right. Formating was done in Courier New, so that is what it looks best in. I spell like crap. suzee did her best to fix it, but there is only so much she can do.
Thank You and Good Day,
Kenny N Gamera
turtlemeat69@hotmail.com
www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Gamera
www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Gamera/www
http://storiesonline.net
I should have looked at the calendar before I answered the door, but it was a new place, so how the hell was I supposed to guess that they had tracked me down? I got to the door on the fourth knock, since I had to finish the sentence I was adding to my next excuse for a story (which may be finished sometime in the coming decade). I swung the door open and was confronted by two of the ugliest Girl Scouts that I had ever seen.
That was not the reason that I slammed the door in their faces.
I slammed the door in their faces because they were Girl Scouts.
Okay, so I have a problem with Girl Scouts. They scare me the way... well they scare me the way Girl Scouts (or just about anyone) scare my cats.
Anyhow, I tried to crawl under the futon. Cat one and cat two stared at me as I turned my head this way and that in order to get it to fit, but it was no go. suzee came and grabbed my ankles and pulled me into the living room. Both Scouts were sitting on the couch, looking at me through their monocles. Their legs were held together, and their hands lay clasped and motionless in their laps. This was behavior that I was not used to from Girl Scouts.
They smiled at me. I turned to run, but suzee grabbed me. She held onto me until I quit squirming.
"Kenny, they're just Girl Scouts," suzee said in a soothing voice. "They won't hurt you."
Each of the said Scouts squinted at me and laughed, "WhaWhaWhaWhack!"
"No, I don't want any nookie," I whined in a soft voice.
suzee sighed and said, "I've noticed."
"Please, let me hide. They'll..."
"No, they won't. They just want to sell you cookies. Just tell them you already ordered some, and they'll go away."
I turned to look at the girls. They smiled again.
"No," I screeched and tried to hide behind suzee. "They look like penguins."
"Kenny, they don't look the least bit like Burgess Meredith."
"But they do look like Danny DeVito."
"Kenny, be nice." She looked at the twin penguins. "I'm sorry, but he had a bad experience with Girl Scouts where we used to live. Just send your mother around and he'll order cookies from her."
"WhaWhaWhaWhack! We're not selling cookies," said the first, adjusting the cigarette holder in her mouth.
"We're trying to sell nookies," said the second, doing the same.
"Ack," I cried. I spun behind suzee. "I told you so."
"Pullleeeze," said the second. "We're not selling them to you."
"Yeah, we heard you were a wimp," added the second.
"No, we're looking for this guy called Ball Four," continued the first.
"Yeah," the second said nodding her head. "Frank McCoy just doesn't have enough time with all the girls he has to knock up. We want a guy to ourselves."
"Besides, we're going to grow up and become lesbians. We figure that he can do a good job in turning us off guys."
"We thought we found him, but it was only the person called Guy."
"Yeah, he said his name was Ball Four, but we heard that one before."
suzee shook her head and left the room. I tried to follow, but I tripped over my feet and fell to the floor. I crawled away but found myself stuck in the corner. Trapped, I huddled into a shaking ball.
"I-- I-- I don't have his addy," I whimpered. "I can give you Hoisington's."
"Pullleeeeze."
"Yeah, we can't go anywhere near his place. He lives next door to a pervert."
"Besides, we can't scoff good enough."
"Let alone roll our eyes that well."
"Now, hand over Four's addy and we'll leave."
By that time, I started to cry. They stared at me a while, but gave up a little sooner than most scouts I've dealt with. And though their scoffing and eye rolling were reportedly not to standard, their head shaking was good enough to knock me cold.
And that, Doctor, is why I'm here. I really need your help. I just can't...
Wait! That picture. On your desk... They... They're your... your... your daughters?
Arghhhhh!
© Kenny N Gamera 2006
