This is just a story, okay? Nothing like this ever happened and nothing like it ever should, get it? It is completely something from my imagination. This means it belongs to me, its creator, not to you. So don't republish or repost or anything like that without me saying it's all right. I spell like crap. suzee did her best to fix it, but there is only so much she can do.
Thank You and Good Day,
Kenny N Gamera
turtlemeat69@hotmail.com
www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Gamera
www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Gamera/www
http://storiesonline.net
Santa dropped his sack with a grunt and leaned against it. It had been a long night, and he hadn't even finished New Hampshire yet. It seemed that with every Christmas Eve the nights just got longer and longer. He sighed and wiped his brow with his left sleeve. Standing, he turned back to his sack and began to rummage around for presents.
"Santa?"
It was a soft voice behind him. The voice of a young one, but not too young. In fact, it was the voice of a girl just barely young enough to still believe in him.
"Crap," muttered Santa under his breath.
He spun around, planting a big smile on his lips and willing his eyes to sparkle.
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" he shouted in a deep, loud voice. "Merry Christmas!"
The twelve year-old's blue eyes grew big and round. Her mouth hung open.
"Wow!"
She wore a standard flannel nightgown that reached down to her knees. It had the faded image of a once popular cartoon character on the front. He recalled bringing it last year. Somewhere in his pack, Santa had a replacement for it.
"What can I do for you, dear," Santa asked.
The girl looked away and brushed a lock of her long blonde hair from her face. Santa wanted to shout; he hated when they turned suddenly shy, but he held his smile and waited for her to work up the nerve to talk.
"Um," she finally started, to Santa's relief. "Mr. Santa. Well, you see... my little brother... he ate all your cookies. You know, the ones we leave out for you every Christmas. And... well... we don't have any more for you and... I don't want you to not have anything from us. And please, please don't be mad at my brother and not give him anything cause he's really little and he doesn't know about things like that yet. Mommy and Daddy said it would be okay and that I didn't, like, need to worry or anything, but I didn't want you to not get anything..."
The girl blathered on as if no other house in the United States didn't leave him enough cookies and milk to keep him overweight and on a diet for a thousand years. Santa held back a sigh and let the girl wind herself down. Eventually, the girl ran out of steam. She pulled an empty plate from behind her back and held it out to him with both her hands. Tears leaked from her eyes and ran down her cheeks.
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa laughed with a little extra joy. "That's okay, dear. Ho! Ho! Ho! I wouldn't want to spoil my appetite. Mrs. Claus has a special dinner planned for me, you see."
"Oh!" She looked up at him, her blue eyes still big and now wet. "I just don't want to send you home, like, all disappointed."
"I won't be," in a second he recalled the girl's name from his list, "little Violet. There'll be plenty of cookies for me tonight. Just leave me extra next year."
"But that's next year and I might forget, you know. I'm not good at remembering things like that. I'm getting in trouble all the time about not doing my homework and things like that. Can I make it up to you this year? Please!"
Santa gave Violet his best reassuring smile. Violet smiled back at Santa.
"I'm a Girl Scout, Santa." Her smile turned to a grin. "And not one of those regular Girl Scouts. I'm one of those 'special' Girl Scouts."
Santa's smile disappeared and he didn't fight the sigh he released before he said to Violet, "I'll be right back."
Leaving a dazed girl behind him, Santa walked into the kitchen. He turned to the door to assure himself that Violet hadn't followed him, then reached into one of the pockets of his fur trimmed red coat and pulled out a small cell phone. He fumbled a second with the buttons of his stored numbers, before he pushed the send button.
"Jesus Christ," he said in a loud voice as soon as it quit ringing. He waited then said, "Well, get him. This is Santa Claus. I've got a sitution."
"Jesus, I've got another one. What do you mean, another what? I've a twelve-year-old Girl Scout offering me her nookie, that's what!
"Don't tell me to calm down. I was a good Christian, went to church, got martyred, everything. I even let you talk me into doing this shit. First, it was the heavy wooden toys. And the elves... Don't get me started on the elves.
"I thought things would be easier this century. Most of the toys are plastic, and don't weigh that much, but the brats only got greedier. They're worse than the elves now. At least all the fucking elves want is time off to write poetry and kill orcs. And they don't come on to me."
A voice could be heard over the phone. Santa let it go for a moment.
"Christ! What do you mean relax? It's not right; just go ask Paul. Besides, I'm several centuries too old for her anyway. And I've got a wife. A very jealous wife. You remember what happened when that one stupid song came out. The one about me kissing someone's mother. Yeah, that one. I slept out in the reindeer shed for three years after that.
"Not that bad! Jesus, you never done it for three fucking years."
The voice could be heard again.
"I want you to talk to her. That's what you can do about it."
Santa left the kitchen. Violet stood where he had left her. The tears had dried on her cheeks, but she still had a sad look in her eyes and her smile had turned into a little pout. Santa went to one knee next to her and placed a mittened hand on her shoulder.
"Violet, you know what Christmas is all about don't you?"
The girl nodded.
"Can you tell me?"
"Giving?"
"Besides that."
"Peace on earth?"
"And why should there be peace on earth?"
"Because George Bush is an asshole?"
"Besides that."
"Is it that baby Jesus stuff?"
"Yes, Violet. It's that baby Jesus stuff." Santa held out his phone. "I have Jesus on the line. Can you talk to him for a moment? He'd like to talk to you."
The girl nodded. Santa gave her the phone. Violet held it to her ear. The voice spoke from the device. The girl nodded her head as she listened.
At last, she said, "Okay, I didn't know. Thank you, Jesus. And have a happy birthday."
She handed the phone back to Santa. He shut it down and slipped it back into his pocket.
"Now, Violet. Do you understand why you can't give Santa any nookie?"
"Yes, Jesus told me that you're almost as big a wimp as that Gamera guy."
Santa let out a big sigh.
"Go to bed, Violet."
"Yes, Santa. And Merry Christmas, Santa." Violet skipped away to the stair, but stopped short.
"Santa, I almost forgot." She ran back to him and picked up a carrot. "This is for Rudolph."
Santa accepted the gift and shooed the girl away. When she left, he pulled the toys and other gifts for the children from his sack. He arranged them with care, using his mind powers to place each toy in the best spot. Before leaving, he tapped into the minds of Violet's parents giving them the memory of setting out (and buying) everything.
He touched his nose and, magically, he flew up the chimney to his waiting team of reindeer. As he passed them he gave each a pat on the side.
"Sorry, gang. No cookies at this stop." He laughed a real laugh. "I wonder what the kiddies would think if they knew that you ate the cookies and that I had the carrots."
He reached the sleigh and climbed in. With a flip of his wrists on the reins the team took off. As they took to the air, heading to the next town, Santa pulled the carrot from his pocket and bit into it. His smile disappeared and a strickened look crossed his face.
"The carrot," Santa cried, "it tastes just like... Oh, damn. I'm in the shed again."
© Kenny N Gamera 2005
