carlee - a thing of beauty

carlee in law part seven


joe opened the door to the back seat. i climbed in, stunned. ty ty started the car; joe leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "you were beautiful sweetheart," he said.

"well, sometimes you just gotta set the table straight, boss." joe smiled. "want to drink carlee?" ty ty asked.

"quite frankly, i want to know how you all are going to present those audio and video tapes you promised," i replied.

"the human brain is a great av camera carlee, we'll work on that if we need to," joe responded.

"yeah, and when you guys learn how to project those images, please let me know," i said. ty ty pulled three cold beers out of an office sized refrigerator, and passed them around. i wasn't used to drinking at noon, but what the hell. so much for throwing myself on the mercy of the school, i'm sure that colonel barney would have puked at ty ty's performance, i wondered if atticus finch or clarence darrell would ever call a bunch of stuff-shirt, cut-throat highly paid lawyers "motherfuckers." i doubted it. "do you guys think that mr. mcclure really transferred?" i asked.

"no," joe answered. "he'll resurface, but not for a while, and you can bet your pretty ass that dean cravens will not be around for a while."

"why?" i asked. joe passed around more beer. ty ty looked round at me.

"because, pretty one, he's no longer an asset, he's up on charges against you, mcclure could have been, might have been. the practice of law is very crooked carlee, and everyone knows how to play. if you don't, you'd better get the hell out of it. the attorney general's man, for example, was brought in merely as a scare tactic, as if the attorney general really give a flying rat's ass about you, us, or the university lawyers. they figured that we would cower at the throng, tuck our tails and run."

"masterful, ty ty, i couldn't have put it better myself," joe interjected.

"sure baby," ty ty responded. "cravens and mcclure could have been sent to siberia for years, if i took that," ty ty explained.

"but mr. cravens is the dean of students," i said.

"big fuckin' deal, don't you think that there are thirty others wanting his job up there, guys with more education and more qualification?"

"those two peons are highly expendable."

"and president thompson?" i asked.

"it's his show carlee, he owns the university, whether he pulled your hair or kicked your ass, he ain't going to pay, he's the ringmaster, the big cheese, it's difficult to bring those bastards down. not impossible, but difficult."

"what was the deal today ty ty?" i asked.

"it was bullshit carlee," ty ty replied laconically. "just lawyer bullshit."

"what if i stood up and told them that i was going to fire you guys, drop the law suit and throw myself on their mercy?" i asked.

"astute question, ty ty," joe said. ty ty smiled.

"hand me another beer baby," ty ty said to joe. he drank half of it and said to me: "they would have loved that sweetheart, so let it be written, so let it be done. they would have then had their thief, they would prosecute you, probably for armed robbery, plain robbery wouldn't be hard enough. armed robbery is a first class felony. then you would be classified, categorized, imprisoned, forgotten. cravens and mcclure would return, and thompson would credit his impeccable legal staff with the ability to solve these horrible crimes which impede the entire educational effort, they'd become heroes, you'd become a scum sucking pig."

"oh, ty ty, i love it when you say that," joe said.

"get me another beer, pig!" joe ran to the fridge.

"how would they charge me with armed robbery, ty ty?"

"they would retrieve a bullet hole, without a bullet, that they found somewhere near professor wilkerson's office. they would claim that you were ready to shoot any watchman or staff member that got suspicious that night. they would blow everything up to make you look more desparate, which would make them look better."

"listen to the preacher, carlee" joe said, as he handed ty ty his fifth beer. "he knows, he knows."

"a military friend of mine, who's in law, told me that they would probably deal fairly with me, ty ty," i said. ty ty smiled.

"the quality of mercy is not strained, and all that bull shit, carlee?" he answered.

"kind of." "explain it to her, darling," joe slurred to ty ty as he downed his sixth beer.

"when william shakespeare was a twig, that may have been applicable, when jesus christ was around, probably. military law hasn't changed in two hundred years, carlee, they still believe in shit. but this is street law, baby; the law of the times, ruthless people after all they can possibly obtain. do you really consider those vultures we saw today had a solitary ounce of mercy in their entire motherfucking bodies?" i had to admit, that was thought provoking. but barney sounded so confident.

joe took up the reins. "honey, i went down to buy a new lincoln last week. the loan officer was a very pretty girl. she told me that my apr would be fifteen per cent. i told her that was too fucking much. she said 'will seven point five be better?'

"what the hell's that got to do with anything, joe?" ty ty asked.

"i don't know, it sounded like it proved a point," joe answered, then hung his head.

"goddamnit, shit for brains, say something sensible or keep your trap shut!" ty ty yelled.

"sorry sir." joe exclaimed.

"you shouldn't hollar at him, ty ty," i interjected.

"look, little lady, i'll do any damn, motherfucking thing i like. now tell me, are you in or out?"

"i don't know ty ty, i just don't know."


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