after jersey, i drove to louisville, rented an inexpensive hotel room downtown, and bought a newspaper. i didn't watch tv much these days, and there were several theaters a block or so away--i ventured out on broadway, the main streets of louisville, and nothing was playing that struck me.

i ate a bite at the old brown hotel, gosh it must have been built in the 1800's. my dad took me here when i was eight, i think i had the same thing tonight as i did then, i don't really care for food, white castles i could live on. by the looks in my purse, i might have to do just that. i suddenly felt a strong need to go back to the hotel and read the want ads.

when i returned to my home (this week) the porter told me that i had a telephone call. i always leave the colonel's number anywhere i am. it was him, i told the porter that i would answer in my room.

"dad?"

"yes carlee. what in the world are you doing in louisville?" he sounded frantic.

"oh, job hunting dad."

"god dammit you don't need to be job hunting carlee, you need to be at home!"

"oh daddy, i left home, don't you remember."

"yes, and that was a mistake darling, bryan was a mistake, new jersey was a mistake." he roared. i knew he was right, but it didn't make any difference, i was 22 years old and i had to be on my own, i could make it, i knew i could.

"i'll be alright dad, i'm really ok."

"carlee, please come home, i'm going to retire before long and who in the hell is suppose to take care of me?"god, dad has been going to retire sin the 1980's, he's upset, the same as i, but i can't go home.

"i'll see you before this month ends dad. please be careful, and let me do my own thing." i was rather abrupt. i knew he was worried, and upset about me. but who wasn't, i hung up and thought that i was going to cry. i've let everyone down that ever cared for me because of bryan----i had to stop thinking like this, i really had to.

i found a job in the paper in a research lab at a tobacco factory, it sounded exciting. my interview went well, i had two years of chemistry, and the personnel person told me to report for work on monday. yea, i had a job the pay was less than i expected, but who cared, at least i would be employeed.

there was no one to share my excitment with, except the porter--his name was john. "john, john, i've got a job!!"

"that's nice miss mccord,i'm happy for you." i kissed him on the cheek. i went to my room and started to call dad. then decided against it; so i walked downtown and bought a bottle of scotch, it cost $15.00, but i still had over a hundred left. i returned to my room to celebrate, scotch on the rocks in a plastic cup, not "guys and dolls" but pretty good anyway. i slept peacefully, for the first time in months.

the "research" lab was nothing like i thought, actually it was quality assurance. the boss was charlie, the secretary was russell (a rather effeminite guy) to techs, bob (a black guy bout my age) and randall (a white guy who was married and looked all of fourteen). the senior chemist was al, a former bar keep who had a solitary son named "little al" who was apparently his life. i liked bob the best, he was married and had no kids, he was fat, and very nice. the job i was assigned was to weigh canisters of tobacco on an analitical balance, they had sampled tobacco from the floor and the canisters were kept in a very hot oven overnight, and my weight of each numbered canister was compared to the weight before putting them into the oven. an equation solved the moisture content. it wasn't a hard job, actually a very stupid job, since the tobacco sampled had already been used to make cigarettes before i ever got to work.

i worked there for the week and knew that i had to find an apartment-somewhere--but i knew dad expected me home for the weekend. i took all of my stuff from the hotel, kissed john, and left out. home was a couple of hours away.

i hadn't been on daviess street for over six months, god, it looked to me. seeing the tennis court almost made me cry, but i was less than a block from home and i knew that i had to appear strong for the colonel. his car was in the drive way, mrs. darsie was walking down the street and waved at me, even she looked good. i pulled up in the driveway, and dad came out of the front door. i couldn't stand it, i ran to him and embrassed him. he was in uniform and the cluster of metal on his chest hurt me, but i didn't care (i can't cry, i just can't).

"oh, carlee, how iv'e missed you." he gently said.

"me too daddy." it was all i could do but cry.

"let me look at you, my, you look great."

"so do you daddy." i was hanging in there. "i am great actually, got a special job, and am looking for a special apartment, getting my life back in oeder."

he smiled, "oh, carlee, all i ever lived for was for you to be happy." i started to cry, i couldn't help it. dad held me, he held me tight, my tears rolled down his freshly pressed uniform. he knew that any comment would embarrase me, so he was silent.

"you'de better unhand that pretty girl mccord!!" a neighbor shouted, dad smiled, and we walked into the house. god, i wished he wouldn't ask me how was my day, like he did when i was a little kid. i really wished this.

"carlee, i worried about you so much over the past year."

"thanks dad, i've been ok, really."

"say, i've redone your bed room." we went to see. there was the same old walt disney wall paper that i remembered as a child.

"gosh dad, you shouldn't have." i smiled. it looked pretty good to this old lady. a tear came. i remember a time, not so long ago.........

we chatted, talking about back to school sales, chess and tennis tournaments and everything else, that didn't matter. it was all past tense and although i wanted to speak of the present, i knew dad was uncomfortable with it. we didn't speak of my 'so called' marriage, bryan's name was not mentioned, but the colonel appeared happy and i enjoyed the look in his eyes. he was nervous, i knew that, but i wanted him to think about the new me, the new whatever in the hell i was going to be. i was so tired of being confused, he wasn't helping.

"how's mrs. darsey doing?"

"oh, same-o, same-o, she doesn't change much." he answered. (but i do- i was speculating too much, i was becoming angry at denial maybe, and maybe i was entirely wrong).

"dad, bryan is in drug rehab."

"i know that baby."

"i hope he gets his head on right, and gets himself a life."

"i liked bryan carlee, i really did, but i will never like him again, i'm sorry, it's just the way i feel." i smiled--i couldn't answer this.

finally i interjected--"what's all this stuff about retirement dad?"

"the time has come honey, i've been a good soldier for 35 years."

"that's no excuse soldier." i sharply said.

he smiled, "it's more than that carlee........i, i have nothing to look forward to, i mean-work is mundane, i have been there and done that, and young captains come to me with problems that i've heard over the decades, problems that i solved decades ago, the zip has gone."

"you seemed happy when i was living at home daddy." he paused, expression left his face. god, did i say the wrong thing. his composure returned,

"i'm like mrs. darcey honey, same-o, maybe i should marry her." lord, i wished he hadn't have said that, it went right through my spine. how could he dare compare himself to mrs. darsey--even though they were the same age...and then, just for a moment, a fleeting moment, i realized that my father was sixty years old; he had been so good for me, all of my life. he was so intelligent, so vigrant, so loving. he taught me how to play chess, and tennis, and how to love music--and a bit of him died when mom died, maybe even a large part, but he hung in there, and was there for me every step of the way twelve years later. i felt sad, very sad. he had lived for me these years, only for me. his hair was gray, and he had a lot of wrinkles--and i married bryan...........god, what have i done--to both of us. he looked like he was about to cry. i had to change the subject, had to get out of this.

"well, dad, i have to find me an apartment. do you know of any good ones in louisville?"

he smiled-"gosh honey, i haven't been to louisville since i took you and your mom there for hot-brown sandwiches in 1988. a long time ago dear."

"so that's what they were called, i ate there the other night, i couldn't remember what they were called, i ordered ruben-rye.

he chuckeled-"they're alright too." dad looked so great when he smiled, i loved it.

"can you help me dad?" i really didn't want him to help me find an apartment, but i really did want him to think i needed him. his voice strenghtened,

"let me change my clothes carlee."

dad always refered to his uniform as his 'work clothes' --my feelings were so mixed at this time, i didn't know what to do. there was a picture over the mantle of mama, him and me. it was his favorite picture (and mine), i was probably seven; i looked at it carefully-as i had done a thousand times in the past-two thousand over the past eleven years. we looked so happy. mom had a beautiful smile and the major was his handsome self.

"are you ready carlee?"

"sure dad, i'm ready." i was slightly nervous, but ready to proceed. dad looked great in jeans and a military sweat shirt. i was a bit overdressed, we went out and he fired up the old saturn, we backed out of the drive way and was stopped my an old neighbor, mr. leisure.

"bill, are you taking carlee away before i can say hi to her?"

"i'm sorry ray."

"hey there mr. leisure" i said.

"hey carlee, listen, i miss watching tv with you." oh, what a sainted man, i watched television with him for years, when dad was overseas. he was so old, but in my memories, how special.

"how's linda mr. leisure?"

"she's married and fine, but it's you i really miss." i hung my head a bit, and smiled. looking up at him, square in the eyes--

"you're a very special friend, mr. leisure." he winked at me and dad told him about our apartment searching in louisville. he waved, and walked across the street.

"he's very fond of you carlee."

"i know dad."

we stopped at a rest stop on the parkway and went in to find a louisville paper. "you hungry honey?" he asked.

"no dad, as full as a tick." we sat in the saturn and dad read the classified ads.

"what street is your tobacco factory on carlee."

"it's off broadway on thirteenth." i answered.

"there seems to be quite a few on forth street, would that be too far away?"

"no, dad, that would be fine." traffic was so dence in louisville, it wouldn't make much different where you lived, it would take an hour to get to work if you lived across the street. no worse than new jersey though.

it took a couple of hours to drive to louisville. "this really isn't to far carlee, i could come to see you every now and then." i smiled.

"why did you put the walt disney wallpaper back in my room dad?" (i knew why-and i was sorry i asked)

"oh, sentimental reasons." and he smiled that crooked smile which i had enjoyed all my life. the colonel was such a gentleman, in all aspects of his life......

we cruised the streets of louisville. there was churchill downs in all of it's glory. "gosh carlee, you could almost walk here from forth street to see the derby."

"i remember you and mom and me at the kentucky derby when i was nine maybe."

"yeah, you were nine, and your mom and myself were sixteen that year." he smiled.

"oh daddy, you all were close to forty."

"oh well, we felt sixteen." and maybe they did...........

we found forth street. it was sad--the old three and four story antebellum buildings, mansions-if you will-were all converted to apartments. in the old days, these were owned by the elite of louisville. many were in dire need of repair, they had gables and balconies and were absolutely beautiful-if you squinted your eyes. i saw a for rent sign in a hugh building right across from central park. "hamlet" was playing next week, on the grounds.

"stop, daddy, i want to check that house." dad pulled over and parked beside it. a thousand years of history passed before my eyes. "this one dad, i'll take this one." i softly said. we walked up to the door. magnolia street was on our flank, what a nice name for a street. a lemony smell was in the air, like that from magnolia trees themselves. dad knocked on the front door. i was beside him. a very beautiful girl finally answered the door. she looked as if she had been asleep.

"hi." she said, with a very southern voice.

"hello there, are you the land lady? dad asked.

"i'm afraid not, i'm just a renter, i'm not sure if there even is a land lady or lord. i pay my rent to charlie, who live in the back with his wife."

"is charlie in?" he asked.

"i don't know." she said.

"forgive my name is mccord, bill mccord, and this is my daughter carlee."

"pleased to meet you, i'm carey." he shook her hand, she shook mine, what a great feeling hand.

"do you know which apartments are available carey?"

"the one above me is empty mr. mccord, it's nice, has its own bathroom. and i think the other in on the fourth floor, pretty far up."

about that time, a door opened and a rather scraggley looking man appeared. "everything alright carey" he asked.

"oh,--charlie--these folks were inquiring about a room."

dad introduced us, all of us, even carey--and asked if we could see the room. "it ain't really big enough for couples mr. mccord."

"i'm sorry, it's only for my daughter, carlee."

" oh then, it would be perfect for her." we walked up the stairs and charlie unlocked 2B. a double bed met us, as soon as we walked into the room. it seemed to be a one room apartment, there was a bar separating the 'bedroom-living room area' from the kitchen. to the right was a bathroom with a rice paper, movable shade that could open and close. pretty good privacy.

"what do you think carlee?" dad asked.

"it's perfect, i'll take it. how much?"

"eighty dollars a week miss carlee, payable on fridays."

"that's fine charlie, when can i move in?"

"tonight if you like." i smiled at dad, he hugged me--without making a spectacle.

dad wrote charlie a check for the $300.00 damage deposite and one months rent. he and charlie shook hands. dad gave me a squeeze--"well carlee, i suppose this is your new home." i smiled.

"sure glad you're my neighbor carlee" carey stated.

"we will be very good friends carey." she certainly was a pretty girl. as we walked down the sidewalk i grabbed dad's hand. "say, handsome, would you like to walk with me in the park?"

"oh, i don't know pretty lady, my daughter would have a fit if she saw me in the park with you." that made me smile. i was feeling better than i had in months. the park was simply beautiful, the grass was so green and the trees were gigantic. squirrels scurried along the paths (that reminded me of something). we came upon a small ampitheater where shakespeare in the park would begin soon. my mind was boggling with good thoughts, i could smell the magnolias.

"what is your favorite play by shakespeare dad?"

"othello is great, when i was stationed in germany between wars,a group of college students did twelve of his plays in a single season. i was mesmerized that entire summer, i can never remember enjoying anything as much--until you were born."

"oh dad, you're embarrasing me."

"you think the squirrels overheard me suggesting that you changed my life?"

"maybe."

"how sensitive." he smiled.

"better let go of my hand soldier, there are people staring at us."

"oh, who cares carlee."

"not me." i said kissing his cheek.

"listen, if you're going to stay in 2B tonight, we'd better at least go buy some sheets and bathroom stuff."

"gosh, you're right dad, it will be midnight before you get home at any rate." we slowly walked back, the evening was so beautiful, the walk was beautiful, and life was becoming beautiful again, god, how i loved this gentleman.

i hadn't been shopping with dad since the back to schools day of long ago. i was almost afraid he would make me try on a bra over my clothes, for the world to see :). we found sheets and pillow cases. "was that bed queen size or king size carlee?"

"it was a double bed dad."

"hmmm. anything you like?" i picked out two sets, golly they were expensive. next to towels, and bath mats and shower curtains etc. the bill came to over two hundred dollars, he wrote another check.

"i could have handled that dad."

"that's alright carlee. was glad to do it."

we drove back to magnolia street, louisville was quiet. there was on street parking, no garage. 2B was difficult for me to unlock, but it finally worked. the little apartment looked rather gaunt at this time, furnishings were scant-two very old chairs that looked as if they had come over on the mayflower, an end table between them; a motel looking lamp in the far corner that had a space big enough for your coffee and an ash tray. there were three windows, one large and two small, the small ones had a balcony attached--you had to climb out a window to get on them, but they were very nice. it wasn't eutopia, but it was a start, a starting all over start,it would work........

the kitchen contained an electric stove, a formica dining room set, and four chrome chairs. the refrigerator was small, but functional. "carlee, this is ok, it will do very nicely until you make other decisions. it's you baby." well, i didn't know about that, and i didn't know whathe meant about 'other decisions' yet i didn't want to go paranoid again, so i just smiled.

"we'de better get going dad (my car was still at home).

"yeah, i guess you're right, my, look at the time."

the drive home was fine, traffic had subsided and it was peaceful. "i'll pay you back dad." i broke the silence.

"you could never pay me back" he answered.

"better watch it soldier, there are plenty of other gentleman callers that could replace you in a heartbeat." --he smiled.

when we got home, i packed up a few things that the colonel said he didn't need, including the picture of him and mom and me. "are you sure dad? final answer?"

"i'm sure carlee, and you don't win a million dollars."

"hmm, i hate that."

we said our good byes, and the colonel said as i left. "carlee, the city is hugh and mean, seek out the good things, the museums and the theaters, and stay away from any place you might get hurt, baby."

dad was one of the good guys, one of the really good guys. i could have gone home and lived with him for the rest of my life, but it wouldn't have been fair to either him or me--i knew that down deep in my heart.

when i finally got back to 2B, i parked in front of the house and started unloading my car. after the fourth load, 1A's door opened. carie walked out in a pair of shorty pajamas, her legs were great, she looked great.

"i didn't know you were moving in tonight carlee, is there anything i can do to help?"

"thanks carie, but i'm almost through, but thanks anyway." it was after midnight, and although carie was a plesant presentation, i kind of needed to be alone. carie had shoulder length blondish-brown hair, and the loveliest green eyes, i wanted to know more about her, but not tonight.

when i finished unloading and putting all the kitchen stuff away, i finally sat down in the mayflower chair, and it felt good. the carpet was a solid wine colored thing, which i didn't like, but it felt good to my bare feet. i was relaxing--a drink was in order. i had a pint of gin in my suitcase, gin and water might be nice i thought. i went to the fridge in search of ice. there were two trays full, i emptied one and made a stout drink to a plastic tumbler. uuum good, in my easy chair.

i dozed after my drink, and was awakened by thunder, the sky was lit up by beautiful lightening and glorius thunder. dad had always taught me to enjoy the storms, they were special to him, or at least he made me think they were.

i made the bed with pretty sheets, and took a quick bath. i hadn't been so relaxed in months. new jersey was so scary, i was glad to be bck in kentucky. tomorrow was a free day, i was glad, i was tired, but ok. i made a gin and water night cap and turned in. the mattress was rather lumpy, but i didn't really care, it felt damn good to me.

when i awoke the next morning, i wished i had gotten coffee last night. i dressed and decided to hunt up a hardys. when i got to the bottom of the stairs, i stopped, inhaled, and my taste buds went awry. fumes of coffee oozed from 1A. god, it was good.

"good morning carlee, could i interest you in a cup of coffee?" carie asked.

"i'll take you up on that carie." her room was smaller then mine, it was tastfully decorated, the bed took up the larger part of the room, and a kitchenette occupied a small portion of the living area.

"you're a lifesaver carie." she poured-it was delicious.

girl talk exposed carie as a college drop out who was working in for a law firm uptown. she was not a paralegal, just a receptionist, but she loved her work. she was "kind of" engaged to a pre-med student over at u of l--whatever that meant. shakespeare in the park meant little to her. she was afraid of central park, there were a lot of strange people who hung out there--there were also a lot of strange people hanging around kroger. she was rather intelligent though, and she looked great barefoot and white shorts and a blue u of l tee shirt. she was petite, her breasts were enticing to look at; she had a beautiful smile, with straight white teeth and puffy pink lips. her voice was very soft and pleasing to my ear.

i thanked her for the coffee and proceeded up town. there were some things i had to have- a coffee pot for one. there was a store at fourth and broadway that seemed to fit my needs. i purchased the essentials, the headed for the grocery store. after my shopping was done, i had a hundred and fifty dollars left. not good, not bad--payday was a week away, so i could handle it.

it was dusk when i returned, carie was out, i couldn't stop thinking about her dark green eyes. as i walked up the stairs, i suddenly realized that i needed a phone. damn, maybe i can call from work next week. "miss carlee..." a voice said. it was familiar, oh yes, charlie; maybe he could get the phone company up.

"hi charlie." i answered.

"are you all moved in yet?"

"as much as i can be for today, thanks."

"your father sent you a television set, it came this morning. i knocked and you were out, so i went on in and installed it for you, it's really a nice set, i wish i had it." i was going to thank him, but i didn't think i liked the idea of him being able to get into my apartment.

"ah, next time charlie, just leave things by my door--i do thank you though."

"it's was awful heavy miss carlee, one of though 25" jobs."

"as i said, thanks." i smiled. he was strange himself,but i didn't want to make him mad. "oh, charlie, i need a telephone, can you help me?"

"there's a jack in there miss carlee, you'll need to buy a phone."

"oh, shoot, i wish i had known that when i went shopping, i need to call my father and thank him."

"i can lend you one."

"how nice, thank you charlie." i went inside and it was just a few minutes until charlie returned with a phone. he plugged it in and wished me a good night. oh, i guess he was alright, this was actually my first time on my own (though there had been worse times) and maybe i was over reacting. i called dad.

"daddy, thanks for the television."

"oh, think nothing of it carlee, it was my pleasure, are you watching it?"

"no dad, i've been shopping all day, just got in."

"are you all set then?" he asked.

"well, there's coffee and donuts for breakfast for tomorrow, and a lobster for tomorrow night."

"sounds great carlee, wish i could be with you." i knew that he wanted me home, but i wished he would quit harping on the subject, maybe it was my own paranoia, but i had to do this thing by myself, and damnit it was looking good so far. i would love to break down and cry and whimper "daddy, i'm scared and alone, can i please come home?" but i was stronger than that....at least i felt that i was.

sleep came quickly, and it was good. sunday morning was delectible, it was warm, bright and clear. i opened the window to my balcony and steped out. a starling family occupied the other balcony. "good morning to you all." i cheerfully said. they chirped, i guess that was good enough. the world looked so bright, it really--tomorrow was a work day, and i couldn't wait to see my new friends. i had a bunch more shopping to do, but i'd better wait until pay day. i saw carie walking out to get her newspaper.

"you coming or going?" that starteled her.

"i'm not sure carlee." she smiled.

"do you have coffee this morning?"

"and dougnuts, come on up." i liked carie, she was a nice girl. climbed back through and started the coffee. i hoped that i had read the directions right.

carie was in my apartment; she wore jeans and a sweatshirt, she filled them out well. "doughnuts?" she asked. i put six out on my only plate and invited her in to the kitchen area. when you live in a one room apartment, evreything becomes an area--for want of a better term. "oh, delicious." she said as she munched. she was pleasent, i liked her. "hey carlee, say the word and i'll bake you a steak for supper this evening."

"sounds delicious, but we will have to go and buy one."

the coffee worked fine, carie must have had a free day to. we ate lunch at a Krystal, and steak shopped at Kroger. the store was pratically empty (and so was the meat counter). "ah, there's the one carlee." she announced. she pointed to a very large bottom round steak.

"That's it?" i asked.

"yep, the only bakeable steak in the world" hmm, i even found swiss steak made from this cut tough, but she sounded confident. "do you have bay leaves carlee?"

"no, i'm completely out." i answered.

"to the bay leaf department then." we headed for it. then to the potatoe department where carie pick up two idaho bakers that must have weighed in at two pounds apiece. then to sour cream and butter, then to mushrooms. salt and pepper, i had.

we shopped around engaging in girl talk for the next three hours, she was quite open and spoke briefly about her med student, and more about he fantasys of making love to a hugh black boy who played basketball for u of l. this surprised me, but not a whole lot, i've had fantasys stranger than that.

when we returned to my apartment, the phone was ringing, it was dad. "hi there." he said "how are things going?"

"oh, great dad, couldn't be better, do you remember carie?"

"sure, the pretty girl from the apartment down stairs."

"right, we've been shopping and are going to fix dinner tonight."

"that's wonderful carlee, i wouldn't want you to get lonesome." he said.

"tell me about your day dad?" this was a game we had played for years.

"oh, nothing earth-shaddering carlee, glena was in, and we had lunch at gabes." major glena, i hated her, was he telling me this to ruin my day.......... oh, i've got to get ahold of myself--i knew that glena saved dad's life in a hospital in korea, but golly, gee-damn---she could never replace my mom! "are you there carlee?"

"yeah, right here, how is glena?" i really didn't care.

"she's fine dear, going to germany for a couple of years." that made me feel better. i was too possessive of dad, i knew that, but i couldn't help it.

"any plans for the evening?"

"no baby, i'm worn out, thought i'd call you before i turned in; got to be in fort knox by 0600 and will have to drive, the damn airport is shut down."

"be very careful dad." i said.

"i will baby, goodnight." he hung up. he needed me, i knew that, it felt kind of nice.

dinner was under weigh; carie was marinating the steak with garlic, salt and pepper (my own) and placed four bay leaves on it. the thing looked hideous, i liked the round bone in it though. when the hugh idahos were done, carie took them out of the oven, and put in mr. steak. she cut each spud in half, lengthwise, then gently scooped out the insides, leaving only the peal. the insides went into a large bowl where she added butter, sour cream chives and milk, then mashed everything. lots of salt and some pepper, then refilled the potatoe peelings, four in all. they looked great--a bit more salt and pepper, and sprinkled some grated cheddar on top. and they were ready to reheat in the oven. i was impressed. "you'll make some man a wonderful wife someday carie." she smiled. a small salad and a glass of wine started the dinner, then the potatoes and the steak. i couldn't believe the flavor of the steak, and the tenderness, and the potatoes were great. what a wonderful meal, what a wonderful day, i didn't want it to end...........

work came early the next day, everyone had a big week end, all talked about little al, and i weighed my pans and equated the moisture content. the work day seemed to fly by, i had to go to the loading dock to sample a few flavoring ingrediants for analysis. you wouldn't believe all of the stuff that went into tobacco before it was finally made into cigarettes. russell, the secretary, promised to take me out on a date to a famous gay bar in louisville the first saturday i had free, and i met some nice people in the cafeteria. things were going good. as the work week went on, i had several options for the week end.

friday was a blustery day, it was cloudy and windy, warm though--when the work day ended, i breathed a sigh, and headed home. traffic was miserable, but i finally got on fourth street. central park was very inviting, i parellel parked beside it and took a stroll. it was lovely, i just had to sit and see more. i sat on the grass, and took my shoes off, god, it felt good. i was quoting shakespeare in my mind when a man came up to me--not an ordinary man, he was tall and skinny, with the lightest blond hair i had ever seen, his fingers were extraordinately long, and painted red, he looked in his late twenties.

"let me not to the marriage of true minds, admit impediments." he announced.

"pardon me?" i stated.

"that IS what was running through your mind wasn't it?" he smiled.

"not really, it was something from romeo and juliett, how did you know i was thinking shakespeare anyway?"

"well, dear lady, you are facing the very realm where we do shakespeare each year. what's your name?" he asked.

"carlee, carlee mccord, and yours?"

"they call me leroy, i have no last name, just leroy." it was so weird, he was vaguely familiar, his white skin and red lips, maybe it was his voice. "good to see you again carlee mccord." i just looked at him--and did not speak.

he scared me actually,--good to see you again--i shuttered slightly as he swiftly walked out of sight. oh hell, it was friday night, i had money in the bank, and i had to make up my mind what i was going to do this week end, i didn't have time to be frightened. i walked to my car and drove across the street, backed up and parked along side of the house. carie greeted me at the door.

"hi, how did your week go?" how friendly.

"not bad carie, not bad at all, and yours?" i asked.

"mine was alright, say did you meet miss manasco when she came in wednesday?"

"no, i didn't, who is she?"

"she retains a room on the third floor year round but is only hear a few weeks a year; she's a stripper and works a circuit, she's playing at the strand theater next week."

i knew the strand, it was an old opera house down on market street, a former teacher of mine in high school had taken me and some other students there once, to admire some of the architecture, it was simply beautiful, a legacy from the turn of the century. it was a burlesque theater when we visited, but dr.hampton didn't let us watch the show. god only knows what plays in there these days.

"have you been to the strand lately carie?" i asked.

"no, but i'd like to." option number 41 for this week end....

i hurried upstairs and called dad; it rang several times--and i was about to hang up. finally he answered.

"hello?" he said.

"hello soldier, wanna hot broad for the week end? i don't eat much, am easy to care for." i teased.

"carlee, you are a rascall, i would love to have you for the week end, but........"

"i know, another sexy lady." i said.

"if you want to call general warren from justice sexy, then i guess so." god, the department of justice called him again, that always meant bad news.

"oh, daddy, i was wanting to see you this week end." i whimpered.

"i'm so sorry carlee, but i am leaving evansville at 2030 an am packing up."

"are you leaving the country father?" i asked.

"not sure dear, the general wasn't specific, just told me to meet him at the pentagon at 2300, i will let you know as soon as i can." i knew from history that i needen carry this conversation further; so, i wished him well and told him that i would be at the same number at any rate.

"love you carlee."

"love you dad." we had said our good byes............

dad was called away by justice when mom was so sick. i watched her waste away in a coma for five days prior to her death. it was so sad, and i hated him for being away in the gulf. i knew that his work in the military was important, extra important in this case, he was probably the only officer in the military who was on the ground floor of dna analysis and his services were vitally needed, but those five days were hell for me and i despised the military, my country and him. i hated the department of justice also-still do. yet, this time was different, he would probably be gone a couple of weeks, then return safely home. i had only to figure what to do with myself this week end. the phone rang, it was carie. we talked for almost a half and hour, then i heard a knock on the door.

"be right back carie." i said. it was an old lady---at least sixty, she appeared very upset.

"i'm sorry to bother you, i'm lisa manasco from upstairs, i've lost my cat and was wondering if anyone in the building had seen him?"

"i'm sorry mame, i've not seen a cat, can you describe him, and i will be on the look out?"

"he's orange and white and answers to the name of russell." she explained.

"i will let you know if i see him miss manasco." i answered. she smiled and walked back up the stairs. actually, she was attractive from behind, slim and rather dainty. one might be able to stand her on stage from the back, i mused. i told carie--

"did you see those circles around her eyes?"

"yes, she looks like a racoon." i answered. we laughed. "hey carie, let's go see her at the strand tommorrow."

"are you serious?"

"yes, very, it would be fun." i explained.

"well, it would be something different, well--ok."

"sounds good to me carie." we had a date.

i didn't feel like cooking, so i decided to eat out. it was raining when i left the building, not hard enough for an umbrella; as i walked out the front door, there was leroy walking down the street. i stopped, and hoped he didn't recognize me. he wore tight fitting jeans and a girls blouse, his hair was unruley and he looked like a bone as he headed down the street. god he was strange--i saw and orange and white cat, he came to me and rubbed up against my leg. "russell?" i asked. and he mewowed--so i let him in the house.

i drove to the brown hotel, and this timeordered a hot brown sandwich, it was delicious, rare cuts of beef and cheese--very nice. i wished i had brough my umbrella though, it was pouring outside. strawberry cheese cake was dessert, i could become fat at this place.

as i left, a felt a pince on my butt. it was big bob from work--"your wife would kick your black ass for that bob." i said.

"she's in the bathroom carlee." he smiled.

"well i'll wait, i want to meet her."

"and tell her i pinched you?"

"naaa, just curious about who you sleep with bob." he smiled. she returned, and i was impressed, she was small and very pretty.

"margie, may i present carlee, from work, our newest victim." we shook hands.

"nice to meet you margie. i said"

"robert has told me some good things about you carlee, i'm glad to meet you."--i didn't want to ask what.

"gosh, it's getting bad outside, i suppose i'd better go."

"see you monday carlee." bob said.

"right, you all have a lovely evening, and don't eat the cheese cake bob, it's terrible." i added.

"yeah, right, carlee." he smiled.

it was raining harder as i drove home, and it was getting dark. i was comfortable in louisville, it was a fun place. they have a zoo and maybe i would go there sunday. right now i wanted nothing but a bath and a drink, maybe i was getting like the colonel, i loved a drink before i settled in for the evening. carie's light was on, but i didn't knock, up the stairs i walked. i heard a gentleman talking next door to me, he was saying something about thorazine, but i couldn't understand him. it sounded like he was alone, but i couldn't tell for sure. i stood at my door for a second, he was cursing--i decided to go on in.

i ran my bath rather hot, the rain had chilled me.

i removed my clothes as the bath ran--released by breasts for that horrible b and a half bra, rubbed my nipples until they were hard, it felt good, they felt good, i felt good. when the tub was full, i hopped in. god, the water was great. i had masturbated to water many times, but not tonight, if i wanted to do that later, i could, there wasn't much i couldn't do if i wanted to. the bath was good, and i dried off and slipped into a pair of yellow pajamas. i made a drink and sat in the mayflower chair, it was ugly, but accepted me well, the rain was harder. i hadn't watch the tv dad bought me but twice since charlie hooked it up. i'd been a busy girl actually, and tonight i was just tired and relaxed(if the two can go together). the rain was as good as anything on television anyway. my hair was getting too long, i bit a strand, it was dry too. i put in a pony tail and walked to the kitchen area and made a drink, it was tall and cold and delicious.

as i sat there, a lifetime of thoughts passed through my brain, thoughts of my first love, martha, thoughts of my mom and my dad, gentle thoughts, of christmas trees and bicycles, thoughts of consequence, thoughts of love; my first puppy, the first grade, how i dreded middle school, how perplexing my first pubic hair was, and mom's death. i suppose her demise was the most significant event of my life because it appeared somewhere in all of my thinking processes, maybe i should stop thinking.

a bolt of lightening came out of the sky and sounded as if it hit central park. that certainly woke me up, i almost spilled my drink. the phone rang suddenly--Who could that be at this hour? i thought it might be dad.

"hello?"

"carlee, do you care if i come up?"

carie sounded like a twelve year old--"of course not sweetie, are you scared?"

"a little i guess." she said. i could hear her coming up the steps, my door was open. carie had on a pair of pink silky pajamas--similiar to my yellow ones. she smelled like lavender and her green eyes lit the room up, she was so pretty. actually, i was in the mood for carie tonight, she sat on the bed and took off her house slippers.

"i'm sorry carlee, but thunder frightens me to death."

"it's alright carie, you have to develope a taste for storms." i smiled, she tried to smile back. "let me pour you a glass of wine." i said as i held my almost empty glass. she nodded her head.

"sorry about the glasses carie, but at least they are made out of real glass, we're getting there."

"oh, i'm sure you will make it carlee." her voice was soft and gentle. i returned to the recliner. the wine was good and the conversation was light. i didn't know much about carie other than she was an only child from a military family in shelbyville. her background was not that much different from mine, she was "kind of" engaged, quit college after a couple of years and was working for a living, supporting herself. another lightening bolt--carie shivered. another big one, and the lights went out.

"damn!" i said as i searched for a candle to light--there was one right here on this table a second ago--good, i found it. candle light became carie, i had not seen her so radiant. her hair seemed to change colors, to a much lighter brown, almost blonde. i was getting romantic, wine, night time, rain and candle light. i was getting moist and i was sure she knew that.

"you are very pretty carlee" she softly said--i looked down at the from of my pj'sto see i they had a wet spot--no, not visible, maybe she was just making pleasent conversation.

"thank you carie." i smiled when i said that. i got up and walked toward the bathroom; i brushed her sparkeling hair as a passed her, i wanted to put my bare feet on her bare feet as i passed her--but i didn't.

i pulled my bottoms down and sat on the commode, i touched myself, and i was very wet (as i suspected) but not leaking. i touched myself up with a few sheets of really good smelling kleenex. better, i thought. i wanted some more wine, maybe i'de better not until after carie left, it had been so long since i had sex, i was sure that cob webs had started to grow in there. this thought make me snicker, out loud.

"are you ok carlee?" carie asked.

"hmmm, sure, i'm fine, really. i get silly sometimes." oh hell, i poured myself another glass any way.

carie was sitting in the old mayflower chair when i walked around the bar from the kitchen. she didn't have her pajama top on; it lay in a pink ball on the maroon rug. i stared at her in silence, i couldn't help it. they stuck straight out, nipples firm and erect.

"my breasts got sore carlee, just like when i was thirteen." i sat on the floor ar her feet.

"mine do that sometimes carie." i needed to say something, and this is what came out.

her waist was thin, smaller than mine--boom!! a clap of thunder.......she grabbed me by the arms--"please, hold me carlee!" i sat in the chair with carie, and wrapped my arms around her. we held each other tight. the thunder had not yet subsided. i could feel her nipples harden, she lightly kissed me on the neck--her soft hands went under my pj top and gently caressed my back--i was burning.......she kissed me, on the lips, very softly. i needed more, she tasted like strawberries, i got more. i put my hand on her foot and gently rubbed. "god, that feels good carlee." she purred. her hand proceeded under my bottoms. she felt of me from back to front. "that's hard carlee."

"i know......." hers was too. the candle light and carie was all i wanted at this point in time. such a gentle night.

carie was on the floor before me now. she removed my sleepware, and had removed hers. she was between my legs and put her hand on my left foot and move it to the left. i sat there, spread all apart, waiting for something..........and then it came. i was engulfed in her mouth, it was wonderful, it was obscene--and it was beautiful........sparks of amanda went through me. i wished she would do this forever. her tongue lashed in and out of my vagina, and i thought i would break in half. if i could lift my right leg up--just a little--i knew i could cum. i did, and i did--my toes arched backwards as if i were having a seizure, thirty seconds later, and i was still cumming. i had never experienced this much in my whole life. i pulled her up beside me in the chair, i kissed her beautiful ear, then her beautiful lips, and felt of her down there. she was wet and she was slick, and i wanted to make her feel as i had just felt. she was now on the floor, her knees were up in the air, i got between them, and licked and sucked from back to front. she moaned and she groaned, and i wanted her to cum more than life itself. when she did, it was more violent that the thunder, she bucked and writhed and even hollared. i hoped no one heard, and at the same time, i didn't really care. then i came............and i gently cried.

"why are you caying carlee?" she asked.

"pay me no attention carie, i can't help doing that when i'm very happy." she kissed me on the cheek, kissed my tears.

"i would never do anything to make you cry carlee." she whimpered.

i kissed her on the lips, "don't worry carie, it's alright." she got up and went to the bath area. i didn't want carie to be my lover, she lived to close to me, she was soft though and gentle, the way i liked people in my life to be. i heard her pee, and it turned me on--lord i'm preverted.

she crawled into my bed, and that was ok. if she was going to spend the night, that was alright with me. i placed my arms around her naked body and my hands upon her breasts, she was a welcome addition to my bed. she was warm, and her butt was firm, she lightly snored as the heat from my body warmed her, and the storm moved away. sleep was qick, and it was good.

i was still holding carie when i awoke. she turned over to me and smiled. "coffee?" she asked.

"by all means" i replied.

"i'll have to go downstairs to get a few things carlee"

"well, put some clothes on, there's a stange guy across the hall." i warned.

"i know, he's a psychotic from the hospital, they say he's quite safe though." she responded. down the stairs she went, i hoped she would return swiftly. i had to pee, so i got up--slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt, and did my thing. it was beautiful outside, perfectly beautiful; i opened the window to my 'veranda' and smelled the morning air. it was delightful, carie returned and began to make her magic, the coffee smelled delicious. i opened the other chair for her, and she climbed out the window.

"this is marvelous carlee."

"thanks, i haven't sat here very much, but it's really neat, i love it." i replied. "wonder what folks were doing here a hundred years ago?" i mused.

"enjoying themselves." she replied. there was a small breakfast table between us, big enough for two cups of coffee and an ash tray. carie didn't smoke, but i was dying for a cigarette. i inhaled a long draw-----heaven. carie went in to get the coffee, i couldn't establish which was more fulfilling. so far, the day was going great. i had all the makings for breakfast, but the ability to prepare; a donut was my usual but carie went all the way. eggs over light, bacon, hash brown potatoes, toast, the works. i could have eaten until noon.

"are we really going to see miss manasco at the strand carlee?"she asked.

"you bet, first show is 1300."

"what time is that?" "i'm sorry carie, one oclock pm."

we walked out of the front door at 1230, leroy was walking down the street, makeup, lipstick and all. carie stared at him. "hi leroy." i said.

"morning carlee and friend." he replied.

"who, or what was that?" she whispered. "oh, just a friend" she looked puzzled.

market street and jefferson were two of the oldest streets in louisville. market was used by vendors for sale of anything and everything at the turn of the century. jefferson was primarily a rental district for alcoholics and dead beats, like the flop houses in chicago. there were down-on-their-luck artists there though, who sold their beautiful work painted on the cardboard inserts of shirts from the cleaners, i had one, a leopard, dr. hampton bought it for me, i loved it.

the strand appeared awful for the outside, tickets to the show were fifteen dollars apeice--out rageous--but i bought one for each of us. the inside was just as i remembered it from high school, the floors were sticky, but the private areas way up high, with enough room for two were impressive. i imagined myself and a gentleman friend sitting in one, i with my fan, and he with opera glasses, playing with my legs. this was probably the only place left like this in kentucky. it was old, i didn't understand it, but i had heard of it, and i liked it. there were two old guys on stage telling jokes as old as dirt, a bit off color, but in style at some point. it wasn't funny, sad actually, but they seemed to enjoy it.

carie and i weren't the only females there, there were at least four more. most of the people were old men, and i felt sorry for them. they were fat and unforgotten, maybe trying to capture a bit of their youth here, in this unsavory world of burlesque. "this is scary carlee." carie said.

"it's human carie, that's all, we're just a bit out of place."

there were two men staring at either carie or me, i couldn't tell which, it was unnerving. the two comedians excited stage left in their clown suits, and the master of ceremonies appeared. "Ladies and Germs. he said; a chuckle was heard from the rather stoic audience. "May I present the lovely Lisa Manasco!" two people clapped. a fan fare and a cheap recording of a song i didn't know, and she was off. the curtain went back, and there was ms manasco in all her glory. she danced, she threw her gloves to the grateful audience and as she stripped, the audience went wild, at least as wild as they could go. as the show went on, i expected someone to yell "PUT IT BACK ON!" but they didn't. lisa looked as old as she did when i first met her, i hope she found her cat, the experience was a study in pathos, not real unpleasant, not pleasant, human--it was alright.

carie and i were the first ones outdoor, the first of the perverts. i watched a few of the others as we walked to the car. they were all in their fifies, all poor, all dirty-searching for something on a saturday afternoon, alone. the zoo would have smelled better, i was confused, but glad we went.

"god, i don't ever want to go there again carlee." she said.

"we won't." i replied. i kissed her neck as we got into the car. i was confused, i didn't understand the plight of old age anymore than i understood the excitment of puberty. mayby i was a dullard, beyond comprehension, the zoo felt good to me for tomorrow.

we shopped for the rest of the afternoon, had lunch at the boardwalk, caught a movie, and had a real good time. we closed the day off with a dinner at logan's, a seafood shoppe that had everything. lobsters, sometimes i dreamed of them, shrimp scampy and crab legs. i was in heaven---we got back to the apartment house around 2000. mr. carp was waiting for carie at the door step, he was angry. i thanked he for a lovely day, then walked on up stairs

"do you have any valium?" the man next door to me asked. he was screwed up big time, i didn't answer but tried to get into my apartment. he grabbed my shoulder--"listen bitch, i asked you a question!!!"

"no, you listen, i've done nothing to you, and you have no right calling me names and putting your hands on me."

"you're as soft as a bird, i could crush you with my hands." he said. he was scaring me, but i couldn't let him know that.

"look, i don't have any valium or thorazine, or anything, you need to go to the emergency room." his eyes glared, he was going mad; i quickly went into my apartment and locked the door, i was releaved. i heard him stomping down the stairs. i hoped carie and mr. carp had gone to her apartment. i opened a beer and called my dad----no answer. i called charlie, he wasn't at home either, carie didn't have a phone, and ms manasco hadn't gotten home yet, so, i had the option of falling apart, or--making a drink and taking a bath. i chose the latter. i made the right decision.

i almost feel asleep in the recliner; go i was tired, the day hadn't been busy, just different, i didn't want to give it up. i heard foot steps, i tensed, i heard them go past my door and up the stairwell. ms manasco had returned.......i wondered if she saw carie and me at the strand, i wondered what she was like, i wondered about a lot of stuff. i went to bed, i was asleep in less than a minute.

on to next story: carlee in louisville part two