I was 32 years old and had been married to Dawn for 12 happy years when I had caught her shagging one of the other teachers at her school. She was an English teacher and he was her Head of Department. I never would have thought it of Dawn and it was a terrible shock to my system. Six months later we were divorced. I just retreated into my shell and didn't go out socialising any more, feeling so much antagonism to Dawn, and indeed women in general. Dawn of course won custody of our 10 year old daughter, Sophie, but I was to be allowed to have her at weekends.

The first time Dawn delivered Sophie to my door, I had been drinking, sitting all alone in the lounge, drowning my sorrows, thinking how my world had turned upside down in the past six months. Before I knew it, the tears had started streaming down my cheeks and I sobbed uncontrollably on the sofa, the glass of whisky in my hand forgotten. Through my alcohol-fuelled haze, I was aware of the doorbell ringing. I looked up at the clock on the mantelpiece and saw it was 5.30pm. Shit, I thought, that's Dawn with Sophie - I don't want either of them to see me like this!

Hurriedly wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I called out "Coming!" and hid the booze just in case Dawn decided to come in. Composing myself, I opened the door and a little five-foot bundle of energy that was Sophie leapt at me, crying "Daddeeee!!" and hugged me tightly around the neck as I bent down to kiss her. I looked up at Dawn and could see that she had noticed my red-rimmed eyes. Her face softened a little and she said, "Are you okay, Jimmy?".

Putting Sophie down, and patting her on the head, I replied "As good as can be expected, given the circumstances. What time are you picking Sophie up on Sunday?"

"About 6pm be alright for you, only I will have to bath her and get ready for school the next day, and I don't want her going to bed too late."

"Oh, Mom," said Sophie, "I'm getting a big girl now and I can have a shower myself, and I don't have to go to bed that early, do I?"

"That's okay," I said, "6pm will be fine. We're going to have a great weekend together, aren't we, baby?"

"You betcha!" cried Sophie as she picked her overnight bag up and marched into the house.

"Okay, then, Jimmy, if there's nothing else?"

"I don't think there's anything else left to be said, is there? Have a good weekend, Dawn." I stepped back inside and shut the door. I went back into the lounge and watched Dawn walk back to her car. She stopped by the door and looked back with a wistful expression on her face, perhaps even regret? But then it was gone and she climbed inside and drove away.

"Right, kiddo, shall I show you your room?"

"Yeah!" shouted Sophie and went running off up the stairs. I followed and told her to go into the bedroom at the front of the house. I had made up the double bed with clean sheets and pillowcases and vacuumed and polished everything. It was spotless! Sophie bounced up and down on the bed, singing to herself as I unzipped her case to help her put away her clothes.

"Tops and coats go in that wardrobe, Sophie, and your underwear, socks, dresses etc can go in this chest of draws. Sophie busily started unpacking her case and handed things to me to put away. She handed me her underwear and I noticed that in amongst the knickers, there was a little training bra.

"You're wearing a bra now, Sophie?" I asked.

"Silly! I have been for months now, Dad - hadn't you noticed?" She looked put out that I hadn't been aware of her developing breasts, but my mind had been so full of the messy divorce and I hadn't seen that much of her lately, and told her so.

"Come here and let me have a look" I said. Sophie pulled her coat off and stood there in a cotton t-shirt with scooped neck. She spread her arms wide and twirled round, noticeably arching her back to emphasise the budding lumps on her chest.

"Wow!" I said, "you have grown, haven't you? You're becoming a young woman! And a beautiful one, at that, Sophie. You'll have all the boys going crazy over you!" I said, laughing.

"Daaaad," Sophie said dismissively, "boys are silly, I'm not sure they even notice things like that ..." She looked up at me and added "Do you really think I'm beautiful?"

"Baby, I wouldn't say it, if I didn't think it. And if the boys don't notice, then they ARE silly. You are changing into a young, sexy woman before their eyes!"

"Sexy?" said Sophie, "do you think I'm sexy? I thought only Mommies and grown women could be sexy."

"No, hun, you ARE sexy, believe me. I'm a grown man, and I think I know a sexy young woman when I see one!"

Sophie twirled around again and regarded herself in the mirror on the wall. A smile appeared on her face and she unconsciously arched her back, emphasising her budding breasts again, turning one way, then the other.

"I think I'm growing up, but Mom doesn't. She won't let me wear any make-up and she's always telling me I can't have this or I can't have that from clothes shops, because it's too old for me, I'm only a child."

I laughed again and said, "Baby, can you keep a secret?"

"A secret? Just between us, Dad?"

"Yep"

"Of course I can" she cried, clapping her hands together and skipping over to me as I sat on the bed. "Well, how about tomorrow, we go into town and you can choose yourself a little bit of make-up and maybe a new outfit, and you can keep them all here so Mom won't know and tell you off."

"Can I have anything I want?"

"Sure you can, as long as you don't tell your Mom!"

"Yippee!" Sophie cried, "I can't wait!!"

"Okay, now finish putting all your things away while I go start dinner. Do you still like pizza?"

"Duh!" said Sophie, "who doesn't like pizza? Is it the meat-feast one I like?"

"Yep!"

"Yippee!!! I'll been down as soon as I've done this, Dad!"

*****

After we had eaten our pizzas, had some ice cream and washed up the dishes, we settled down on the sofa to watch TV. There was a programme on about animals, which Sophie always watched, so I poured myself an after dinner whisky and handed Sophie a lemonade as I settled down on the sofa beside her. She snuggled up against me, her feet curled up underneath her, and watched, fascinated as the programme suddenly showed two red deer mating, the male sniffing the doe's backside before raising on his hind legs, clutching her flanks and nailing her quickly. It was all over in a few seconds, but I could see Sophie watching intently, a slightly puzzled frown on her face.

"Dad?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Was that one deer fucking the other deer?"

I very nearly spat my whisky out all over the two of us as I heard her say the word "fucking", I'd never heard her talk like that before. She looked up at me as I nearly choked on my drink and said "Are you okay, Dad?"

"Sorry, hun" I gasped "I just have never heard you use that word before!"

"What? Fucking?"

"That's the one - where did you learn that word? At school? Not off your Mom, I suspect?"

"Duh, don't be silly, Dad, Mom wouldn't say that, well not in front of me, anyway! I've heard other girls and boys use it at school. Does it mean when two people or animals are having sex?"

"It's one of the many expressions that can be used for sex, yes, hun. One day, when you want, I could tell you more about that sort of thing, if you want."

Hmm, yeah, that's be cool, Dad. I feel left out sometimes at school because I don't kow what the other girls are talking about. They talk about 'having had it' and 'being nailed' and stuff like that, but I think they're only making it up to sound cool. They haven't really ... done it, you know ..."

"Lots of young people brag about it when they're growing up, even if they haven't really done anything, hun ... just so they don't want to feel a kid and left out by the older kids."

"Hmmm" said Sophie, going very quiet.

"Anyway, I've got one of your favourite movies on DVD if you want to watch it?"

"Dirty Dancing?"

"That's the one! I bought it especially when I knew you were coming. Now go upstairs and change into your pj's, brush your teeth and then you'll be ready to go straight to bed when the movie's ended."

A few minutes later Sophie came down, smelling of the scented soap I put fresh in the bathroom today and wearing her favourite pj's. They had patterned bottoms and a matching plain pink top, and as she walked round in front of me, the setting sun outside shone across the front of her and the swelling of her pubescent breasts was quite obvious under the fabric, the nipples also quite obviously jutting outward against the thin cotton. She settled back against me again to watch the movie, my arm over her shoulders, her head resting against my chest. At some point, Sophie moved beneath me and my hand slipped downwards, my thumb brushing against her nipple. She didn't appear to notice and seemed engrossed in the movie. I was surprised at the thoughts that went through my head.

Up to that point, I could honestly say I had never had any sexual thoughts about my daughter. But the presence of her blossoming body next to mine, the feel of her nipple against my thumb was stirring emotions inside me that I found hard to ignore. I commented on something in the movie to distract her and then "accidentally" moved my hand a little lower, so that my fingers were covering her right breast. I could feel the swelling and the end of her nipple pressing against my palm. This time Sophie turned to look at me, just smiled and went back to watching Patrick Swayzee.

"Dad?"

"Yes, hun?"

"What are you drinking?"

Whisky, why?"

"Can I have some?"

My first instinct was to say no, but something deep inside me, you might say the devil inside me, said "Yeah, why not? You'll have to have some lemonade with it, though. It'll be too strong otherwise for you!" I poured her a small shot of my Glenfiddich and mixed it with lemonade, handing it to Sophie. She took it from me and heldd it, almost reverendly. This was a big deal for her.

"You know Mom would never have let me have this, don't you, Dad?"

"I know, baby, but remember anything that happens here at the weekend is just between us, isn't it? Our secret?"

Sophie tentatively tried her whisky and swallowed. I could tell she didn't really like it all that much, but was determined to be a "big" girl and finish it, just like her Dad. We went back to watching the movie and before long I noticed that Sophie had finished her drink. "Do you want another, hun? Just a small one?" I asked. "Please, Dad, I like it!"

After a while, I could tell by her voice that she was getting sleepy, probably a combination of the whisky and just plain tiredness kicking in. I saw her eyes flicker shut a couple of times and then open again; the next time I looked, they had closed completely. I knew at that moment, things could end there, or I could just take a quick feel while she was asleep. I slowly closed my hand over her breast and squeezed gently before rolling one fingertip over the end of her nipple. I swear I felt it begin to stiffen under my finger, and equally so, I felt my cock begin to stiffen with the realisation of what I was doing. I knew with every fibre of my being that what I was doing was wrong. But could I resist? THAT was the big question that needed asking.