My fellow Americans: It is with great happiness that I announce that this morning, I signed into law the Sexual Freedom Act. Never before in our country's history have all our people come together in support of such a historic piece of legislation. Our elected representatives put aside their partisan differences and have voted unanimously to pass this momentous law, and I have absolutely no reservations about signing it.

Finally, our children can partake in the richness of the sexual experience alongside adults. As I stated repeatedly during my campaign, age of consent laws are a thing of the past, as are outdated regulations regarding obscenity and indecency. Never again will fathers fear fucking their daughters' pussies. Never again must mothers be ashamed of sucking their sons' cocks. Just this morning, upon hearing of the passage of the Act, the First Lady and I celebrated with a fantastic little orgy with our children.

Under the new laws of our great country, sex with your children is finally legal. Sex with any child is now legal with parental consent. Public sex with a partner, or partners, of any age, is not only legal, but openly encouraged. Sexual education will be provided to all elementary school students, and I am happy to say that it will be quite graphic in nature.

Child pornography will finally be available on every street corner, and every household is encouraged to own multiple films. My administration will be creating a special blue-ribbon panel to oversee production standards for these films, magazines, and websites, assuring that our American child pornography business is second to none in the world.

This is a historic day, my friends. This is a day you will one day gladly tell your grandchildren about, hopefully as you are plowing their little assholes full of cum. I thank you for your time and your unbridled support.