In this dragonfly moment
this instant of stasis before the big bang
this time before time breaks loose within you
cracks the chrysalis
and expels you, snow-blind and stumbling, into the traffic of adult life
I shout your name
which only will be yours for another wasp's-breath second
which you must cast out to a hidden closet with your dolls and gentle laughter
when inevitable chemistry blares the ram's horn discord of the barrier call
I shout your name
I shout the warning
I pray for you to stay frozen here
spindle legs extending from pale green shorts as you headstand past
loose shirt summoned down by gravity to rest in underarms
revealing pale nipples among darker freckles on your still flat chest
fine hair barely brushing the ground
reaching down to where the grass reaches up to bless it
I pray for you to remain in this moment
I cry Come back! in the voice of Shane's beautiful boy
I reach out to hold you here
to keep you from the abyss
But my fingertips only brush your breeze-soft thighs
as you are propelled into the chasm
into the caustic gulf of growing up
that burns away that which is most beautiful
and forces you into other shapes
larger
rounder
colder
harder
never to resume, except in dreams, your ecstatic thrust
through less-encumbered joys
And here I stand
weeping as you hurtle by
And here I remain
For this is where my desire, my fate, my love force me to forever be
For I am blessed and doomed to eternity on these lemming cliffs
drawn to the moths who are drawn to the flame
to those in the freeze-frame
between child and woman
between breath and blood
between joy and endless concern
between play and the world of work and weariness
between the eloquent faces of honest emotion and the masks and paint that block and hide and shame faces on
the street
When I was a child, I dreamed like a child
but when I was grown they stole my childlike ways
I implore you: take your next breath deeply
and hold its scent in memory so that
(in this dragonfly moment I pray)
your ways of wonder somehow
might survive