Cast of Characters:

• Willow Kovacs, 11 - black-haired white girl (Hungarian/Serbian mix) wearing glasses
• Luke Bradley, 11 - dirty-blonde swimmer/surfer type Caucasian boy
• Alex Houghton, 10 - very tall light-brown haired Caucasian girl with long skinny arms and legs
• Hector Colon, 10 - Caribbean islands Hispanic boy with uncircumcized penis
• Katie Chapel, 9 - chestnut brown-haired Caucasian girl with pale white skin; extremely submissive & obedient
• Kyle Oster, 9 - very shy & feminine-looking Caucasian boy wearing matching make-up and hairstyle as Katie Chapel
• Alyssa Sorensen, 8 - blonde Caucasian girl (Dutch/Danish mix); incestuous family auditioned her for kiddie porn
• Eric Zhang, 8 - Chinese-American boy; gymnastics background from China and very flexible
• Chloe Wilson, 7 - biracial half-Caucasian, half-Korean girl; least sexually experienced girl in the cast
• Connor Jacobs, 7 - blonde Caucasian boy; has been in more kiddie porn than many older kids in the cast

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Bryan Finch: Retired 46 year old head of polygamous incestuous family and online reviewer of child porn

Bryan Finch was an American who relocated his polygamous family to a remote region of Western Australia (a six hours drive from Perth) in order to enjoy its greater seclusion and freedom to practice his family's choice of lifestyle. The Finch family believed in polyamorous relationships and free love; and consensual sexual relationships existed between all members of his family; which included his first wife Helen (43) and their four children Bryce (17), Kevin (14), Laura (13), and Tamara (11), and his second wife [not legally "married", but an equal partner as Helen] Elizabeth (32) and their three children Rebecca (11), Melissa (7), and Jackson (6).

Finch was originally the owner of a startup software company who made a killing in Silicon Valley before the tech bubble burst of 2000. Being fortunate enough to sell prior to the market crash, he took his millions to earn himself an early retirement and moved his then young family (only his three oldest children had been born in the U.S) to Australia. Nowadays he has two hobbies - tending to the small vegetable farm on his property and being one of the most respected reviewers of child pornography on the internet.

Last month, he and his entire family were among the nearly 16,000 pedophiles and incest practitioners from around the world who watched together the live webstream of the 'Battle of the Sexes' - a pedophilic sex competition featuring 5 boys and 5 girls all under age 12. At present he had just finished posting his online review for the Bluray version of the sex games, which was just released this past Tuesday.

With top shelf quality kiddie porn costing upwards of $500 (U.S) per title, and many other pedophiles being not as independently wealthy as he, Finch provided the invaluable service of reviewing each title upon release to help viewers decide if the movies were worth purchasing. The following is his review.

[As a side note, a future storyline may involve the Finch family as Bryan considers whether to audition his own children for 'Jim Phillips Productions', the largest and most well-known of the kiddie porn distributors. To this date his family has only had sex in private (or watched kiddie porn together) and so the move would present a drastic leap for the reclusive clan. As is standard when auditioning for Jim Phillips (as opposed to getting recruited by him), it is expected that the legal guardians of the children submit a home-made audition sex tape and hope that it passes muster. Finch's primary motivation would be to expose his children to other kids and families who shared their lifestyle in the hope that they were not raised in such social isolation as they currently were.]

The Battle Of The Sexes (Bluray)

Hey everyone, it's your resident porn snob Bryan Finch back with another review. As many of you know, BOTS originally aired last month and broke records for number of livefeed subscriptions. For anyone who missed it, I'm here to tell you if the Bluray version is worth getting, or if you should save your money and just wait for the upcoming summer for the latest Ms. Kiddie Fuck Princess Pageant livecast.

The premise of the current movie was to answer which gender, if any, was better at taking adult penises and other objects inside their tiny little assholes. As such, anal sex and deep object insertions were the major themes of the film and the director pit two teams of 5 handsome prepubescent boys against 5 lovely pre-teen girls to see which group would come out on top. The real winners here though are the audience.

The sex games themselves run the gamut from looking like good perverted fun (my own kids tried out a few on themselves after watching) to downright stomach turning. It all depends on what turns you on, I guess. And although some scenes were rougher than others, it didn't seem as though any of the children were forcibly made to perform anything they didn't want. A lot of the sex looked difficult, yes, but not as difficult as some of the games from last year's KFPP (remember 'fuck tag' and the number that did to the anuses of multiple contestants?).

I won't bother with reviewing picture quality and sound, because if you've ever watched a Jim Phillips Production at any point in the past you know that he settles for nothing short of 10/10. As for the cast, all gorgeous kids per usual. All can be rated 9.0 and higher, although a few standouts included the graceful 10 year old Alex Houghton and the boundlessly positive and energetic blonde, 8 year old Alyssa Sorensen (my current crush).

As is the case when livefeed events are made into Bluray, this volume came with over 3 hours of footage from the games themselves, as well as a generous range of additional bells and whistles (the extras section). I'll break down the movie by scene and section.

"SCENE 1: Appetite to Win"

The games get started with an oral/gokkun drinking competition. The children were given mixed cocktails containing different ratios of semen and urine added to water. The goal was for one team to outdrink the other team. A part of the sexual appeal was in watching close-ups of the children's faces as they inevitably slowed down and struggled to consume glass after glass of their disgusting concoctions.

The next part was where you're either gonna love it or fast forward to the next game. The boys and girls subsequently vomit into large communal bowls (one for boys, one for girls) to empty their stomachs of all their recently consumed vile content. The bowl that filled higher with the collective vomit from the kids was deemed to belong to the winners.

I'm sure that vomit fetish is a legitimate one found on the internet, but for a father of seven like myself, I've done my share of vomit cleanup duty for each of my kids when they were infants and toddlers. To me, watching kids throw up only reminds me of chores, not sex. To their credit, some of the oldest children such as Willow (11), managed to consume a near superhumanly amount of semen and urine. How on Earth did she quiet her stomach and tolerate the thick and briny taste for as long as she did? Practice, practice, practice, I suppose.

Considering that some of you viewers will be so turned on by the cum/piss drinking and throwing up, while others of you will rate it the lowest possible score, I meet you in the middle and assign the appropriate average.

• Score: 5.0

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"SCENE 2: Pink is a Girl's Color, Blue is a Boy's Color"

The two 10 year olds, Alex Houghton and Hector Colon were facing each other off to see whose asshole could gape wider following an extended session of anal sex with multiple African American black cocks. The title of the scene was a reference to what they did to the kids' genitalia. To better help identify which asshole belonged to which gender when side-by-side, Alex's pussy lips were stretched far apart and held in place by alligator clips. This gave her a bright patch of pink vaginal flesh appearing above her asshole. Meanwhile, the game designers choked off Hector's ballsack with a tight elastic ring, which restricted his blood flow and slowly turned his scrotum a painful-looking blue.

Now, supposedly each kid has had ample experience with anal sex before signing up for these games, but you wouldn't be able to tell from the way that Alex's tight anus stubbornly refused to gape. It's almost a miracle of human anatomy that her bowel opening could take such punishments from thick, black meat logs, yet constricted back into a pretty air-tight wrinkle within a split second after the cocks exited her hole. I have to admit that I was salivating while wondering just how tight her ass might feel fitted over my own cock like an elastic glove. Still, her unbreakable child o-ring which might give men limitless sexual pleasure wasn't doing her girls team any favors in terms of points.

By contrast, Hector's anus gaped as if the same god who parted the Red Sea for Moses was now prying apart the boy's anal walls with his magical hands. One can only wonder about the various solid objects that must have been inserted into this boy in the past to leave behind such muscular devastation.

While Hector blew Alex out of the water when it came to the diameter of their respective gapes, the scene was a vast improvement over the gokkun drinking game in terms of conventional eroticism. Fans will also love the priceless reactions on these kids' faces (Alex's eyeballs nearly popped out of her sockets) when the two were being penetrated with their first thick black fuck sticks at the initial start of the fucking.

• Score: 8.9

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"SCENE 3: The Rape Gangbang"

The 9 year olds, Katie and Kyle, were up next and here's an interesting twist: the two kids were wearing identical summer dresses, complete with pretty bows in their hair. Speaking of which, the boy Kyle had grown out his hair which was styled like a girl's, and both kids were wearing make-up on their pretty faces. This gave the prepubescent Kyle the appearance of a little girl dressed for Sunday school.

Their game began with both kids still wearing their dresses. The game was simply called 'rape gangbang' and even the other 8 kids were taking part. I guess they selected 8 predetermined audience members (4 men, 4 women) from the theater who joined the child cast onstage. Two men and two women were 'assigned' to rape Katie, and the others raped Kyle.

The rest of the kids joined in too, with the 4 remaining members of the boys team (i.e. everyone but Kyle) raping Katie while the 4 girl children raped Kyle. How did the women and girls accomplish this? Naturally they were all given strap-on dildos to wear so they can penetrate their child. The fake dicks that the girls were wearing were much smaller than what the adult women had; equivalent to the sizes of the boy contestants' smaller erections.

The rules were these. The four adults and four children raped their designated child while the other 8 individuals raped theirs. Whichever child 'surrendered' first by screaming out their 'safe word' (applesauce) conceded defeat and handed the points to the children on the other team. Mouths and anuses were fully available for penetration. Pinching and slapping of the children's bodies, including their genitalia were allowed, but no biting, punching, kicking, or choking the neck for longer than 3 seconds at a time were permitted. Spitting on your designated child and hurling degrading verbal abuse were encouraged. Rapists can make their child perform oral sex (including analingus) on themselves but no penetrations were allowed except with penises, fingers, and dildos. Penetration of Katie's pussy was strictly barred, although rapists may lick, pinch, tickle, and slap her outer vulva. Finally, pissing on the children was allowed, but scatalogical play forbidden.

To prep the erections that would end up raping them, Katie and Kyle were placed on their knees so that they could use their mouths to fluff the 8 total cocks to full hardness. Viewers may want to linger on this part as it's the only opportunity to watch any boy-on-boy cocksucking in the entire movie.

Once the game began the adults immediately rushed in to tear the dresses off the two kids into pieces. Standing nude with nothing but a bow in his hair, Kyle could easily be mistaken as a girl if not for the tiny bald penis hanging between his shaking legs. The larger adults immediately muscled their way into the crowd and Katie and Kyle's mouths and assholes were near simultaneously plugged with cock. It was a scene straight out of an African lion hunt - the males getting their fill first before the females, and the juveniles who would eat last.

Tears began flowing soon as both 9 year olds' bodies were ravaged and groped, spit on and slapped. Quite surprising was how even the child rapists didn't hold back as they violated their opposite-sex competitors. The otherwise demure-looking Alex Houghton wasted no time in smothering and grinding her 10 year old ass directly on top of poor Kyle's face which caused him to cough and choke.

Meanwhile her 11 year old teammate Willow was piston-fucking the boy's rectum with her small strap-on and with all the torque and force that her narrow hips could generate. Katie was faring no better. 11 year old Luke was slamming the entire length of his cock down her throat for the entirety of the allowed 3 seconds, before drawing it out so the little girl could take a few labored breaths before repeatedly plunging it inside her again. 8 year old Eric Zhang forced his small Asian cock inside her asshole, who probably wouldn't feel much of it after the intense anal reaming she received from much larger adult cocks, but the Chinese kid made up for it by pinching her two ass cheeks which produced a muffled scream (with Luke's cock still lodged down her throat) from her.

The rapes went on for over 10 minutes and amazingly neither child surrendered. That's the best part about this scene - just how well the two kids endured the rough sex. I won't tell you when and how it ends, but let's just say I have a newfound respect for these two for hanging in there for so long as they did. Once it finally ends though with one child's surrender, the 9 year olds' respective teammates help carry both winner and loser back to their corners of the stage; half unconscious, their chins and necks covered in drool, and both bleeding slightly from their anuses.

I'm giving this scene an extra 0.5 just to applaud Katie and Kyle for the hard work they put in to making such an erotic scene. Not once did either of these docile children cry or protest during their rough treatment. It was an incredible display of self-control and professionalism that's very hard to find among performers this young.

• Score: 9.9

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"SCENE 4: Twister (The game that ties you up in knots!)"

While watching the original livefeed a month ago I recalled a 20 minute break was provided after the rape game to allow Katie and Kyle to recover from their ordeals. No such break on the bluray version, as simple editing allowed the movie to seamlessly continue with the two 8 year olds now up front and center stage.

A large white mat was brought out on which there were numerous circular colored dots (blue, yellow, red, green). It's the same mat featured in the popular home party game 'Twister.' The aim of this game was to see how the boy and girl (Eric and Alyssa) could handle being put in "stress positions" for varying lengths of time. By stress positions, I mean that they'll have to contort their little bodies into whichever way the course of the game dictates, and remain fixed in that position until it's their turn and they get to move again.

Sounds easy, right? And especially so given that both kids apparently have backgrounds in gymnastics (and probably why they were chosen for this game)? Wrong. To make the game more challenging, the kids had various objects inserted into their assholes while they remained in their contorted positions and had to keep themselves from losing control and falling down. Such objects included anal vibrators turned up to maximum vibrate speed, small phallic-shaped ice cubes, and tampons soaked in vodka (to induce alcohol intoxication in the kids).

To show off their impressive gymnastics skills (it turned out Eric and Alyssa were best friends in real life and trained at the same gymnastics camp), the kids "walk" to the mat while both doing handstands. From then on the game began. Great shots of impossibly bent and contorted little bodies. Nice close-ups between obscenely stretched out legs which revealed every inch of their immature bald genitalia.

"Left foot blue", "right hand yellow", "right hand red" ... on and on the announcer made the kids shift from one bent position to another, except this variant of 'Twister' also included which object was shoved into their asses with each turn. "Right foot green and ... ice cube!" the announcer shouted. Pretty soon while Alyssa was bent over backwards naked in a 'human bridge' position, a 3-inch long, 1/2 inch wide ice cube was shoved straight up her butthole. This caused a squeal out of the pretty blonde's upside-down face but she incredibly managed to hold her position without falling.

The Asian boy Eric received similar treatments during his turns. Eventually both kids received enough anal vodka tampon soaks to be giggling hysterically while locked in their stress positions. Now this is the part of the movie where I felt a star was born, and that star was Alyssa Sorensen. I could be biased though. Alyssa herself comes from an incestuous family similar to mine, and her father auditioned her for kiddie porn just as I'm contemplating auditioning my own 7 kids.

What made Alyssa so adorable was her frequent improvisations and ad-libing during her scenes. With every game in which she participated she must have uttered dozens of spontaneous and hilarious one-liners. Back during her cum/piss drinking scene she playfully twirled her glass of gunk as if it was fine wine, took a deep sniff, and complimented how the 'bouquet' had hints of cherries and oak (she must have overheard her father describing wine once), eliciting uproarious laughter from the in-theater audience. While she was anally raping Kyle with her strap on, she was muttering things like "Oh Kyle! You fuck so much better than my boyfriend!" which also drew lots of laughs. This girl was a natural comedienne who loved being the center of attention; sexual or not.

During her present scene in which she and Eric were the "stars", this gifted kiddie porn actress went out of her way to do things that the game didn't even call for, such as playfully sucking on Eric's little cock while her face was upside down just because his little wang was within reach. She also would go on to sing her rendition of "Somewhere over the rainbow" while her legs were doing the splits and she had a loud buzzing dildo up her ass.

I have to tell you. This girl's beaming personality and natural charisma just made her stand out so much better than the quieter Eric. She is in every which way your "fun blonde" and one to watch out for in the coming months. Mark my word. If there's just one reason to buy this bluray, it would be for this little cutie.

• Score: 9.5

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"SCENE 5: Operation (Skill game where you're the doctor!)"

I know you're probably thinking that it's now the 7 year olds' turn to give their assholes a spin, right? Wrong. It seemed that the show's producers were going easy on the 7 year old's, particularly with the half-Asian girl Chloe. This made sense as she was the most inexperienced girl in the cast, but why they're going gentle on Connor was beyond me. His 7 year old rectum had seen more action in the past than any other boy on his team, except maybe Hector's.

And so we go back to the 11 year olds for their anal game. It's another gape competition, but with a marked difference. Instead of African American cocks, the children's teammates are fitted with strap on dildos that are worn by positioning them over their mouths. They use these and the bobbing motion of their heads to slowly gape open Willow and Luke's respective buttholes. Once sufficiently gaped, a medical speculum (gynecological devices used to pry open vaginas and look inside) was inserted to hold their gapes open in place.

Just like 'Twister', this was another sexualized variant of a classic children's party game. In the game 'Operation' children use tweezers to retrieve tiny toy 'bones' from a playing board with small cut out holes. On this playing board is an outline of a man prepped for surgery, with the holes over where his various organs would be. The aim of the game is to carefully extract the bones without letting the tweezers touch the sides of the holes, which triggers an alarm. It's a game requiring much manual dexterity that young children may not yet possess.

In this sexualized version, Willow's other 4 teammates used surgical tweezers to pull out smaller sized objects embedded deep inside of her rectum (the objects were much smaller than the diameter of her gape which was stretched out to around 1 inch; same for Luke's asshole) without touching the sides of her anal wall with the tweezers. If successful, they won a point for their team. If not, the losing child went over to the other team and gave deep anal 'rim jobs' (tongues inserted into other child's anus) to one member on the other team.

Not surprisingly the older children with their steadier hands were more successful at pulling the objects out of their teammates' asses without touching the edges. This must have been the plan, because pretty soon little 7 year old half-Korean Chloe was making repeated walks of shame over to the boys side to crouch behind a bent-over Kyle and (and Eric, Hector, Connor, and Kyle again during her next losses) tongue-fucked his still slightly-bleeding asshole.

The game was challenging enough such that eventually each of the 8 kids all committed errors and had to buttlick the other team at least once (with the 7 year old Chloe ending up giving a record 6 separate rim jobs to all boys except Luke). And typical Alyssa, who I noticed appeared to be the kid who enjoyed rimming her boy asses the most (she wound up rimming Eric and Hector).

Outrageous as this scene was visually, and I'm sure you'll never look at your children's board games the same way again, I was disappointed by what I hoped would've been more buttfucking. There was not a single adult cock around to stretch out Willow and Luke, and so while I admit it was an interesting sight to have a flashlight zoom in on their open assholes to see all the way to the back of their rectums to where their tunnels curved, I was looking for the oldest children to take on the hardest challenges (granted the 11 year olds earlier drank more cum and piss than any of the others). This was a relative walk in the park for the 11 year olds to just lie there with legs spread and assholes open.

• Score: 7.5

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"SCENE 6: Deep Drilling"

At last we come to the grand finale, which ended up being more of a curtain call to showcase all the kids one last time than a true challenge like the previous games. For anyone still keeping score, the premise here was for every member of each team to take a slim dildo made out of synthetic soft jelly material into their asses and past their rectum and colon - as deep as the solid objects could possibly go before encountering resistance.

As opposed to game 2, during which the 10 year old kids took on extremely wide, girthy cocks, the phallus in this game were rather slim but intimidatingly long. They were each around 3/4 inch wide but over 24 inches long. They also had notches on the side (like a ruler) measured in both inches and metric cm. That way, I supposed, the adult handlers slipping the dildos into the kids could precisely measure exactly where they came to a stop.

Finally, the youngest cast member Chloe broke her anal cherry in front of a world audience of 16,000 (though it's still not by a man's cock and so I think her anal virginity is still technically preserved). She took her anal invasion with a bit of soft whimpering but nevertheless eventually took 5 and 5/8 inches of her jelly snake deep into her small rectum.

With few exceptions, each successively older child managed to take a little more of the bendable fuck sticks inside their butts than their predecessors. Although copious zoom-ins on the kids' well-lubricated rear ends were provided for viewer enjoyment, I must say that the true delight in this scene was the wide angle shot showing the entire group.

All 10 kids were on their elbows and knees forming a circle with their little bodies (with their heads toward the interior of the circle and their feet facing out). Their heads were down close to the ground, their backs arched, and their buttocks raised high in the air. This modified doggiestyle position gave each of the 10 adult handlers standing behind them the ideal angle to push their dildos into the 10 fully exposed anal holes.

Oh, did I mention that a remarkably cute detail in the way the kids were positioned was in that they were arranged in alternating boy-girl-boy-girl spots, and that each child was extending his/her hands out to hold onto the hand of the child immediately to his/her left and right? That meant each child of one gender was holding the hands of two children of the opposite gender, as all were getting buttfucked with their measurement devices.

During moments when it were clear the handlers were jamming the dildos too fast into them and causing pain, it was precious watching how the kids squeezed each other's hands tight (even as those hands belonged to opposing players) for social support. Truly if anyone can know what they were going through, it must be each other.

When the phallic devices have drilled as deeply as possible into the small kids, camera close-ups would verify the notch mark just visible at their anal entrance, and the dildos would in turn be slowly pulled out of them an inch at a time. Live audience members could be heard audibly gasping when they realized just how much of the neon colored phallus were crammed inside of these immature bodies. I won't give away who took the deepest penetration, but when you see for yourselves you'll be amazed at how the front end of the dildo didn't come out of the respective child's mouth at the other end (yes, it went in that deep). It should give you a new appreciation for just how deep the human bowel cavities extend inward.

Once all children had their penetration depths notched and recorded, the measurements were added up according to gender and the gender that collectively took in more inches/cms than the other was awarded the game's points. At the conclusion of the final tally during which previous scores from all games were added up to this last one, the winning team was finally announced and balloons and confetti dropped from the ceiling as congratulatory band music played in the background.

Both winning kids and the losers appeared more relieved than excited or disappointed about which gender won the sex games. The losers clapped along in good sportsmanship when the winners were crowned, and the winners in turn gave the losers consoling hugs. They then all lined up in a row and bowed deeply/gave ladylike curtseys to their appreciative live audience, who gave the talented children all standing ovations.

Then, on cue, the children re-form the circle they made earlier on but this time lay on their backs on the surface of the stage (with their heads all joined together near center). Audience members began storming up on stage and saluted the kids in their special perverted way by ejaculating all over their naked bodies. Some of these audience members had been masturbating throughout the show without cumming a single time and so dumped copious loads of pent up white semen onto the smooth skin of their underaged targets below. Female audience members were encouraged to urinate instead on the kids' bodies, if able.

This dumping ritual took many several minutes, and when the last member had finally finished cumming, the children are lying on the floor nearly drowning in semen and urine. Their eyes were completely glued shut, their hair were wet soaking messes, and small pools of cum and piss have deposited on various grooves along their body surfaces.

Then, as unbelievable as it sounds, one (Alyssa) started chuckling while struggling to see through the thick film of eye-stinging cum covering her eyelids, and the 8 year old's infectious laughs contagiously contaminate every other child who ended up giggling in turn. They soon stood back up to fling whatever spooge/piss they could scoop up off their bodies to throw at one another, creating a surreal 'snowball fight' or sorts between these naked, sweaty, sticky kids. The wide angle camera fades out on the continued innocent laughter coming from the cast, bringing to end another stroke-worthy flick.

• Score: 8.5

To be Concluded