I made Lily a sandwich, and then, feeling self-conscious about the sweat I built up, took a quick shower while she ate. When I returned, I was dressed, and Lily was still naked, and looking out the window. The blinds were totally open. I instinctively panicked. "What are you doing?"

"Just checking out your view."

I moved quickly to try and nudge her out of the way. "Somebody might see you!"

She shrugged. "I am an exhibitionist, remember?"

"Yeah, and you're also twelve. You could get me in a lot of trouble."

"Relax, you know what the odds are of somebody looking?"

If I was more rational, I'd have had to agree it was pretty unlikely. My window looked out over a bunch of low buildings, houses, stores, streets. It wasn't like somebody could be looking out their window and see her, they would have had to be in a distant building using a telescope, or nearby and looking up, and in either case, specifically at my window. Even then, they might not have been able to tell Lily was naked. But considering the consequences if I was wrong, I wasn't able to be rational. I closed the blinds quickly. "Too high."

"Nobody cares. Even if they saw me they'd just think I lived here or something and that they got a cheap thrill." She seemed more amused than anything else, though, and let me off the hook by heading towards my bathroom. "I should probably take a shower too, I'm sure it'll be better if I'm all squeaky clean."

Unlike me, Lily left the bathroom door open, but my shower had one of those frosted doors. I couldn't really see anything unless she left that open too, and she didn't, probably because it would have gotten water everywhere. She's a good kid that way.

Instead she kept up a conversation with me, a perfectly normal one, about college, what classes were like, what the girls were like, what they wore, broken up only occasionally with filthy interjections like, "I'm scrubbing my butthole so clean you could eat off it!" or "Wow, that's a lot of cum you gave me, it's still coming out!" I answered her questions as best as I could from the couch, and didn't know how to respond to the rest. Finally, she emerged, clean, rubbing a towel lightly through her hair but otherwise wearing nothing. The sight was no longer shocking, but with her hair wet and clinging to her head and back it made her look fantastic, like she was some kind of water nymph brought to life in my apartment. "So, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why'd you get dressed after your shower?"

I looked down at myself, feeling a little silly. I wasn't completely dressed, but I did put on boxers. I did it without thinking, and she hadn't mentioned it when I first came out, so I'd forgotten about it. "I don't know, I guess I'm not as comfortable walking around naked as you are."

"If you ask me," she said simply, but not unkindly, "that's a character flaw."

I gave her an amused half-smile. "It is?"

"Of course it is. You've got a good body, and a cute cock..." I tried not to be offended. I think she meant that in the most positive of ways, but 'cute' is not the description guys like applied to their dicks. At least she saw having sex with your underage cousin to be less of a character flaw than putting clothes on unnecessarily. "So why be ashamed of it? Just a load of guilt for nothing. You should show it off."

"I'm not the exhibitionist here."

"Not yet, but we can work on that. And we're not exactly in public. I have seen it before, and I'm going to see it again, right?" I nodded. "So? What do you say?"

"Say?"

She pounced up on the bed beside me, waving her butt next to my face. "Ready to take those off and find out what anal's like?"

She did have a very cute butt, and seeing it wiggling like that made me smile and also breathed some new life in my penis. It swelled, a little more reluctantly than usual but enough to tell me it was ready to do the job.

I stood and dropped the boxers and approached Lily from behind. "Pictures first, remember," she said. "Unless you want to go for video this time."

"I don't think so."

"Well it's one or the other." So I found where she'd left the camera and took some pictures that featured her ass, crawling around on her hands and knees looking seductive, and some where she spread her cheeks and showed off her butthole. It was a perfect little asterisk, just a shade darker than the surrounding flesh.

Next, I had one hand on her right butt cheek, pulling it to the side, and took a picture of that. It made a good picture, but for me, the joy was more in feeling that wondrous little buttock... if I squeezed hard enough I felt like I could feel the bone beneath, but I didn't care, what padding there was, was plenty enough for me.

Lily wanted a picture immediately before, and immediately after, but we only got the one. As I approached her sphincter with my rod, I took the before picture with the head resting gently on the hole. "Okay," I said, and then something surprising happened. She tensed up. I could feel it in my left hand, still holding her ass cheek, as it suddenly went taut. "Relax," I said, and she did, but when I touched her anus again, she once again went stiff. It seemed her whole lower body was clenched. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," she said. "Just do it."

"You're all tensed up, you've got to relax or it'll hurt."

"Well, it's going to hurt anyway, isn't it?"

"Not ideally, no..." But I was as new to this as she was.

"It'll be fine, just go for it. Keep the camera ready."

I pushed forward again, felt her tense, and regardless, I kept pushing. I felt her asshole widen just a little as my head tried to penetrate, but then it suddenly started pushing closed, too tight to enter and it even hurt a little. "Ow, ow, ow," Lily said.

That practically killed my erection right there. "What?" I asked. "Did I hurt you?"

"A little. Did you go in?"

"No," I said, once again ignoring the unintentional insult. I'd hope if I went in, she'd know. "I barely touched you."

"Sorry," she said, and seemed like it. She took a deep breath, centered herself, and ordered, "Try again."

"You don't really seem like you're into this," I observed.

"I am," she said. "I want to do it. It's just..." I waited. "I've never had anything this big in there before." That was a better thing to say, in terms of my ego, than some of the other things.

"What's the biggest you've put in there?" I moved my thumb towards the hole, and she once again tightened up when I tried to push in, and I wasn't even pushing in very hard.

"A Sharpie," she said. "I never managed to get up to the cucumber."

"And how did the Sharpie feel?"

"It hurt," she confessed. "But everything always hurts at first. Just go and do it, I'll push through."

I tried once more with my thumb, and got her resistance once again. "If it hurt, why did you do it? Why did you let someone talk you in to doing that?" Maybe she thought she was preparing herself, but it might have done the opposite. I'd heard about a vicious cycle... the girl thinks it's going to hurt, so she becomes so tense and tight that it does hurt, and every time after that, she remembers the pain and can't relax, and it just keeps hurting and hurting. "No," I decided finally, before she could answer. "We're not doing it. No anal."

She looked back at me, locking eyes with me for the first time since I made the first attempt on her ass, a flash of anger across her face. "You can't tell me what to do, it's not like you're my boyfriend or anything."

"I'm not telling you what to do, I'm saying I'm not doing it. I don't want to hurt you, so we're not doing this." Her expression changed, softened to something that was either disappointment or astonishment, or some combination of the two.

"But we were supposed to lose all our virginities to each other. And I wanted to have all the pictures."

"Look, I'm not saying not ever... maybe somewhere down the line, with a lot of lube, we'll try it again, but not today." I had an inspiration, a way to package the idea of waiting in a way that she could understand. "Besides, anticipation's all part of the show, right? Why give them everything right away? Shouldn't you leave them wanting more?"

She thought about it. "I guess." She sighed, but I think she was secretly relieved. "So if you're not going to fuck my ass today, what are we going to do about that?" She pointed at my hard-on.

So, we had normal vaginal sex again, albeit doggy style. It's sad and a little strange that it's possible to talk about fucking your twelve-year-old cousin like that, but for the third time in such a short period, it felt less like an exciting, life-changing experience, and a little like we were just going through the motions. Luckily that was just because I was drained, our subsequent experiences at lovemaking captured the magic again, but that time, it was perfunctory. I didn't make her cum this time, and my own climax wasn't very good, but I did manage to make Lily happy by remembering to pull out and squirt on her pussy... not that there was a lot to squirt, compared to usual. Still, she got her pictures.

She hung around a little after that, we watched some TV and then played video games for an hour (she's far better at Halo 3 than I'd have expected), but then she decided she should probably go. There was a part of me that didn't want her to, that wanted her to stay with me forever, but it was a silly, unrealistic part.

As I walked her to the door of my apartment, she suddenly turned and hugged me tightly, burying her face in my chest, and thanked me. "Thank you too," I said, a little too surprised by the sudden emotion to remember the old guideline about not thanking a girl for sex.

"I'll probably put the pictures up tonight," she said as she went through the door. "And I'll see you Monday."

Once she was gone, the bubble burst... that's probably why I wished she never would. I remembered that what I did was considered by virtually the entire world to be not just a crime, but one of the worst evils imaginable. It certainly didn't feel that way, but I couldn't ignore the thought or the guilt that came with it as I could, mostly, when she was there.

Then of course, there was the fear, which steadily ratcheted up throughout the day as I awaited an angry phone call from her parents, who somehow sensed she had just sex and then subsequently got the whole story out of her, or for her to make a mistake while uploading that would identify me to her online 'friends', who would be eager to send an anonymous tip to the police out of sheer jealousy. Neither scenario came to pass. Her parents never found out, and Lily was pretty careful on her uploads and her comments. Lily never referred to me by name, only as her 'lover', which surprised me, but when you consider the alternatives, like 'fuckbuddy' or 'friend with benefits', or the worst option, 'cousin'... I'd take it. It made me smile, actually, once I got used to it.

There were a lot of comments on her newest batch of pictures. Some seemed angry or disappointed, like they were pissed off that they weren't the ones to do it and so wanted to make her feel bad, others actually tried to warn her against having too much sex, but most were supportive, I guess to encourage her to do more and provide them with more porn. The comments still served as something of an ego boost, though, because whenever somebody asked how it was, Lily was always positive and enthusiastic, saying things like, "It was so good, my lover made me cum so hard!"

I didn't see anything that could identify me, either personally or in relation to herself, except a couple of the pictures showed a little too much of my apartment. I was paranoid for a little while that somebody who was familiar with it might be able to identify it if they saw one of the pictures, but, realistically, my place isn't very distinctive, and I don't have many guests. My mother might recognize it, if she could stand to look past the child porn and carefully inspect the surrounding decor. So pretty soon I calmed down to the steady, manageable level of fear of discovery I've lived with ever since I became a statutory rapist.

It seemed like a moot point anyway, if I got caught, I'd just get what was coming to me, what part of me thought I deserved... I'd already committed the crime, and I wouldn't be stopping anytime soon. Once I'd tasted of the forbidden fruit, I knew I couldn't stop.