The next day I was a bit spaced out. Not only did I suffer from the lack of a good night's sleep, but I was also plagued by persistent worries about what I was going to say, and sudden, intrusive memories of my cousin's body. I went to class as usual, but my notes, usually pretty comprehensive, were just a few random points interspersed with doodles of asses. Luckily I'm not a skilled enough of an artist for anybody to guess the age of my mental model.

I met with Allison, although I almost forgot and, as it was, I showed up a few minutes late. I handed her the notes she'd asked for, but all prior thoughts of asking her to lunch or coffee had been abandoned. I knew I wouldn't be able to carry on a very stimulating conversation, so I just told her I had to run to a study group and got out of there, choosing instead to hide out under a stairwell and try to prepare my big lecture to my cousin.

By the time my last class ended, I had a little bit of a speech prepared, although I was continually revising it all through the ride home. In my head, it sounded pretty good, wise and sensitive, and heartfelt. As soon as I was let off the bus and walking down the street where I would usually meet Lily, my heart was racing and my palms were sweating, like I was about to give a presentation in front of hundreds of students, and what I'd prepared began to feel trite and mean and condescending and my mind raced to try to fix it.

A steady stream of uniformed children passed me as I reached one end of the block her school was on, and whenever I saw one in a skirt, I reflexively took a glance at their legs, imagining what delights they led up to, before chastising myself for the thought. What Lily had done to me had gone deeper than I expected.

Suddenly, there she was, Lily, back to looking pure and innocent, laughing with a few other girls on the set of stairs leading to the front door. I inhaled deeply through my nose to gather courage, and walked right up to her. She saw me, smiled brightly, and said, "Oh, hi, Jack." She turned to her friends. "You guys know my cousin Jack, right?"

I'd seen her friends before, but never paid them much notice, spoken to them, or been formally introduced. "Hi, Jack," they said in unison, and giggled. I wondered if they knew what Lily did, and that I'd just seen it.

One added, "You know, it'd be really funny if you met a friend on a plane, and he said 'Hi, Jack!', and got arrested!" A few more giggles followed, but it sounded like they were laughing more to be polite than genuine mirth.

I was a little flummoxed by facing a crowd, thrown off my stride, but after a few seconds of standing around, I said, "Hey, Lily, I kind of need to talk to you."

She tilted her head and looked up at me with an inscrutable expression, with just the hint of a smile behind it. "Oh, you do, huh?"

"Yeah."

"So, talk."

I looked around to the expectant gazes of her friends. "Ummm... it's kind of personal, I should probably talk to you alone."

There was a little, self-satisfied twinkle in her eye, but she said, "Okay." She nodded to her friends. "I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow."

They said their goodbyes, and Lily stepped over to where I'd drawn back to. It was time, and for all that I'd prepared my speech, somewhere in my last revision everything had gotten jumbled, and I was having trouble even starting.

She didn't let me even do that. "So, should we go to your place?"

"What?"

"Well, you said whatever you wanted to talk to me about was personal, right? So we should go somewhere private, and you live nearby, right?" She shrugged, as though it didn't really matter. "Unless you want to talk about it here, where anybody could overhear. It doesn't really matter to me."

She had a point. There were lots of people walking down the street. Any conversation I had there I'd have to interrupt every time somebody came near. "Okay," I said.

She grinned. "Cool, I always wondered where you lived, exactly. Did you eat lunch today?"

"Huh?"

"On Monday you said you skipped it."

"Oh. Uh, no, I didn't really have lunch," I said.

"Jack...." She stretched out my name like she was scolding me. "You shouldn't keep doing that. You need your energy."

"I had breakfast this time," I said defensively. How did it get to be where she was trying to set me on the right path, instead of the reverse?

"Hmph. I guess that's something." She kept up the conversation as we walked, talking about nothing very important, until we got to the building. She looked it up and down and asked, "What floor do you live on?"

"Sixth." I started to fish out my plastic building-entrance keycard from my bookbag.

As she waited, I noticed her rolling back and forth on her heels. "I always wanted to live up high," she said. As I opened the inner door, one of my neighbors came in the outer one. Lily held open the door for him, and we walked to the elevator together, and then rode up in an awkward silence. We got out first. "I really need to pee," Lily said suddenly, squeezing her legs together. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Uh, no, of course not." It would give me a few seconds to get back on script. At this point, I needed it. She didn't seem nervous... at least, no more than could be explained by needing to go to the washroom. But I'd expected she would have had some idea of what I wanted to talk to her about, and she didn't seem to be dreading the inevitable lecture. Maybe she didn't know what I'd seen... could she have forgotten what was on the account? Maybe she had two, and friended me on the wrong one?

My apartment is just at the corner of the hall from the elevator. I unlocked the door and let us in, then pointed to the side. "Bathroom's right in there." It's a bachelor apartment, there's no need for directions other than pointing.

She darted away and closed the door, and, in addition to rehearsing my mental script once more, I took the opportunity to put away my sofa-bed. The door opened as I was placing the cushions to turn it once more into a couch. "You're putting your bed away?"

"Yeah," I said. "I forgot this morning." In truth, it hadn't been put away for several days - unless I'm expecting company, I usually don't bother.

"Oh," she said, and then sat down on the cushion. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Here it was, the big moment, and the words weren't coming. I struggled for a few seconds of awkward silence, and then managed to spit out. "I saw the pictures you had on your Facebook." It came out a little more accusatory than I intended, but I was flustered.

What happened next didn't help. Her lips parted into a wide smile, showing her teeth and the thin metal braces. "I wasn't sure, you didn't leave any comments. Did you like them? Which one was your favorite?"

How was I supposed to answer that? She was obviously eager for some kind of approval. "Lily, you're a very beautiful girl, but..." What was going to come next was, "You shouldn't be taking nude pictures of yourself like that."

Instead, she interrupted me before I got to 'but'. "Did you masturbate to them?"

It was so shocking to hear... I guess I still had the old Lily in my mind, the one I would have bet didn't even know what the word 'masturbate' meant. Even though I'd just watched her do it the other night. "What?"

"You know, jack off, fap, rub one out?" She curled her hands around an imaginary dick and shook it up and down for emphasis.

I couldn't exactly tell her the truth, but I wasn't very good at lying. "Why would you put something like that up on Facebook?"

"Because I want people to look. And I really like it when they jack off to me." She uncrossed her legs, holding her knees together with her palms, and looked back at me with a probing expression. "So, did you? Did you jack off, Jack?"

"Of course not."

She looked at me shrewdly. "Liar."

"Look, it's not right. You shouldn't be doing this."

"What, calling you a liar?"

"Exposing yourself on the Internet. You're too young for that."

"But I'm not too young for you to jack off to? That's not exactly fair."

"I didn't," I insisted, unconvincingly. "You ARE too young."

"I think there's only one way to settle this," she said. "You're going to have to show me your penis."

It startled me, like a slap across the face. "What?"

"Whip out your cock. I don't see any other girls here, so if it's hard, then it must be my fault, and obviously I'm not too young."

As much as I'd have liked to prove her wrong, the problem was, hearing her talk dirty, my dick was now well on its way to getting hard. I stood up. It was a calculated risk. If I remained seated, she almost certainly would have seen the growing bulge in my pants. Standing up risked making it more obvious, but at least I could be heading away from her and into the tiny hallway that passed for my kitchen. I could pretend to be getting a drink of water. "This is ridiculous," I said, walking away. "I'm not showing you my penis. This isn't about me, this is about you... stop changing the subject."

She stood and started to follow me. "You're the one changing the subject. Why can't you just admit you masturbated to me? Is it because I'm your cousin?"

"No!" I said, before realizing it could be misinterpreted. It was one of those classic "Have you stopped beating your wife?" type questions.

She ignored the little slip, though, rather than pressing it. But then, she had a better advantage to press. "Is it really small or something? Cause I don't really care if it's small, I just want to see it."

It's amazing how, no matter how dangerous a conversation he's in, a guy will reflexively jump to defend his manhood. "It's not small," I insisted.

"Then stop acting like you're gay and show me your dick! I don't see what the big deal is. You saw me totally naked." Then she bit her lip as she smiled, an expression that was at once innocent and naughty, and pulled up the tartan kilt of her school uniform with tantalizing slowness. "Or is that it? You want to see me again first?"

I tried not to look, but it seemed impossible. Somehow my gaze was drawn down. There, between the dark fabric raised above her waist and the white socks that extended above the knee, was an alluring expanse of bare flesh.

"You're not wearing underwear." From this angle, I could only see the very top of her crack, but that was enough... I'd gone from semi-hard to rock hard, full length.

"Aww, you noticed," she teased, and swayed her hips back and forth. Her feet were spread apart, so they couldn't sway very much, but all the same, the effect was hypnotic.

My mouth seemed to be on autopilot, disconnected from every other part of me. "You went to school like that?"

She giggled. "I wish, but I don't think I could get away with it. I took off the undershorts in your bathroom." She swayed her hips again.

"Why?"

"When you brought me up here, I thought it was because you wanted to see it in person." She repositioned her arms so that her skirt could be held up while still leaving one hand free. With that done, she took a couple of nearly hopping steps towards me, grabbed my wrist, and said, "I was all excited. See how wet I got even thinking about it."

I didn't resist as she drew my hand between her legs, forcing me to stoop a little. Her hand was warm, but the flesh between her legs was hot. Hot and smooth, and wet.

Her fingers forced mine to go deeper, rubbing through the slick, slimy bottom of her crack. There was a sharp, high-pitched gasp... I'm not sure if it was hers, or mine, or both. When she took her hand away, mine stayed.

I didn't move much, just held her pussy in my hand. We stayed that way for several seconds, before she stood back, breaking my paralysis and letting my hand drop to my side. Her spell was further broken when she let her kilt fall back to mid-thigh. I still felt like I was in some kind of dream world, though, where all the laws of reason were suspended, because in any normal world, my twelve-year-old cousin would not be seducing me.

That's what it seemed like was happening, at that moment, anyway. I certainly wasn't trying to seduce her, but it seemed clear that something was going to happen... and a part of me just decided to let it happen.

So, when Lily said, "Are you going to show me yours now?" I just did what seemed to come naturally in the crazy world I found myself... I nodded, and unzipped my pants.

I watched her eyes as I pulled myself free of my boxers and just bobbed there. They widened, staring at it, and she grinned like she was both surprised and pleased. I was glad not to disappoint her... I was fully erect, and felt like I was bigger than I'd ever been before.

With one fluid movement, she was taking a close up look. She'd fallen on her knees, skirt surrounding her like a flower's petals, and her face less than an inch from getting poked by the head. Her delicate hand reached up and surrounded the shaft. I groaned reflexively at the unexpected contact. "Wow," she said, and giggled. "I'm so glad it's not small. I was lying when I said it didn't matter."

I smiled a little too, for the first time since we entered my apartment. If it was a little strained, it was only because her hand on my dick was moving, very slightly, but even such small movements sent out waves of pleasure and arousal.

"So, are you going to admit you jacked off to me now?"

"Yeah," I grunted.

"Good. I know you didn't want to tell me the truth, so I think your honesty deserves a reward." She looked down at the rigid piece of meat in her hand, and then leaned forward, opening her mouth.

I sucked in a breath as I felt her tongue slide under the bottom of my penis, and her mouth close over the head. It was a wonder I didn't cum right then, or when her lips made a seal around me, one that moved up and down.

"Oh, god," I said softly, bracing myself against the divider between my kitchen and the living-room/bedroom. I needed some kind of support, it just felt too amazing, and what happened just seemed so impossible that it helped to have something solid to remind me it was real. I looked down and saw my cousin's cheeks sunken in as she bobbed her head up and down, giving me a blowjob, proving that the act wasn't overhyped, reality did live up to fantasy.

Yes, it was my first blowjob. My only girlfriend was back in high school, and she was, back then at least, a remarkable prude, and since we'd broken up I hadn't made a successful move on anybody. The closest I came was one girl at my first college party who started to give me a hand job before she passed out, drunk. I hadn't realized she was that far gone until she fell asleep on my shoulder, and when I did, I got out of there. I didn't want to do anything else with her for fear of a rape accusation. Later I learned she hooked up with another guy who was there when she woke up.

That incident came to mind then, not because my cousin resembled the girl in any way, but because I had a similar epiphany of, "Oh shit, I could be accused of rape." No matter how much I protested that she came on to me, in the eyes of the law, Lily was underage, and any sexual contact was rape.

I had a moment of panic and fought back an urge to push her off me then. The damage was already done... pushing Lily away might just piss her off, and that couldn't be good for me no matter what. So, I let her suck me, although not without some amount of guilt. I watched at first, but it was a little disconcerting, Lily's eyes were open and on my face the whole time. She may not have been judging me, but they made me judge myself. So, after a minute or two of her sucking, I raised my head to the ceiling and closed my eyes, trying to imagine I was receiving some anonymous blowjob, rather than getting sucked off by my very underage cousin.

I wasn't very successful at that, but at least not having to look her in the eye eased the guilty feelings and I was more able to enjoy the sensations. She only went down about halfway on my shaft, but it was more than enough, and the feel of her lips and tongue felt wonderful, as though she was a natural, or had done it many times before. I suspected at that point it was the latter, but in the moment, enjoying the benefit of it, I didn't care so much.

Soon, it felt like the walls of my cock were getting extra stiff, and there was a rising feeling, almost electric. I knew it wouldn't be long now. "I'm going to cum soon," I warned.

She made a noise of acknowledgement, a soft 'uh-huh' with my dick in her mouth that was at once innocent, like a kid talking with their mouth full, and vulgar. I couldn't take it anymore, and said, "I mean, like, now..."

Lily's lips drew back to the head and the electrical sensation I was feeling swept through my entire body, infusing it with pleasure. I squirted out a load, right in my cousin's mouth, and then another. After that, she pulled off to watch, holding it steady in her hand, pointed at her now closed lips. Another burst shot forth, landing on her face, and another, and another. After that it was just dribbles, but Lily put it back in her mouth for a few seconds and caught those.

I took some deep breaths as I came down from the climax. "Wow," I said.

She laughed. "Much better than jacking off to me, I bet."

It was true, but it made me feel like shit again. With my erection only a fading memory, guilt began to flood back into me. "Lily, I..."

Two of her fingers were playing with the mess left on her face. "Hold that thought," she said, and used her other hand to push herself into a standing position. "I need to use your bathroom again to wash up."