"Many people believe that the brain controls everything. I believe it's the heart"

She was too energetic for me.

Courtney was 9 years old, and I was babysitting her for my uncle. Our families were the best of friends. Anyway, they had gone to a wedding in London, 3 hours car drive away, and we were alone. Just the two of us. They were due to come back at 2am. I didn't expect anything to happen. So we were sitting on the sofa. She was jumping up and down and she kept getting my arm and putting them in her laps. It annoyed me a lot. It was 11pm now. I wasn't even going to try and get her to go to bed. Many have tried before, but failed. So I let her stay up with me. We were watching Titanic on pirate video. She wore a loose nightgown, which revealed a very thin figure. She was pretty. Her hair was shoulder length and she loved people messing with it. Her hair needed washing four times a week! Sometimes, I would have to do it. I mean I have known this girl since she was 4. We were very comfortable with one another.

Anyway, the movie had finished. As the credits appeared I went to the toilet. As I came back I heard some strange noises coming from the living room. It sounded like nah! It couldn't be. But it was. I went in there and found her watching a movie where a man and a woman were having sex. Oh great! She didn't actually know a lot about sex, and I knew that I would have to answer some strange questions.

The first one was "what are they doing?" Isn't it obvious?!

But I was direct. I told her everything I knew, besides stuff like oral sex and that. She would have had nightmares! She also asked me something I found hard to say what it actually was. She had heard people making fun about it to one of her friends at school, and nobody knew what it was. It was masturbation. So I told her what girls do because telling her what boys did, would have embarrassed me! I said "its when a girl rubs herself down below for fun." Okay, that was pretty blunt! But what else could I say?! She wanted to know why. "Because it is exciting", I said.

She asked me if I did it.

"The last time I checked," I said, "I found I was a boy (!)" She laughed!

"So do you do it like this?" She says as she puts her hand down below and starts to rub.

"No!" I cried! "You do it when you are alone in bed!"

"Aaaah! I see! Okay." She says. Phew! That's one obstacle I promised myself, I wouldn't go through.

An hour later, our parents weren't back. We were now watching Sleepless In Seattle. (Nothing else was on!) And she leaned over me and says cheekily "you wanna have sex?"

Oh my God. She didn't listen to the being "in-love" part. So I said "you have sex with people you love when you are at least 25!" I joked, but she believed me.

"But I do love you" she says. I just froze. Something inside me just tingled. Time stopped. A concerto of emotions ran through me. I looked at her and I didn't see my little sister-like friend. I saw a beautiful young girl. I was quite happy she said what she did. Maybe it was something that I had longed for her to say. That was weird. Too many "maybes" ran through my head. Maybe it sickened me. Maybe it turned me on. I dint know.

"And I love you too!" I said mockingly. I was laughing. She wasn't.

"No" she said quietly "I LOVE you."

So I mocked her again "No. I love YOU!" I laughed.

Suddenly she jumped on me. Immediately I fell back. She forced her lips on mine. I retaliated at first. But come to think of it, that wasn't my first instinct. I wanted it to continue. I pushed her away with my eyes closed. She had stopped and I could feel her staring at me I could hear our hearts beat together in time. I opened me eyes and saw her right in front of me with her shimmering blue eyes.

"Don't..." I said.

"Shh!" she exclaimed. She put her finger on my lips, as she moved closer. I did want to push her away. I felt disgusted. I was abusing my family's trust. I was abusing her.

So I said "we can't do this coz..." I froze. What was I thinking? I realised I wanted her. At first I thought it's just that different sort of love. The kind best friends have. The sickening thing was, was that people always seen us as brother and sister. I was the big brother. The one she could always depend on. It seemed like incest. But at that moment, I enjoyed her body pressed next to mine. My hands, which were lying to the sides of me spread out, moved inwards to touch her. I couldn't give in. That's what my mind was saying. However, my heart was saying different. Many people believe that the brain controls everything. I believe it's the heart. It was too late. My hands were already on her back, sliding further down. She didn't smile. She didn't move. But her eyes told me she enjoyed it. My lips drew close to hers and eventually they touched. It was almost like slow motion. What was ironic is that we had almost a perfect TV soap setting. The parents were out of town and we were alone. The lights were dim and the atmosphere was so soft.

After about five seconds we were "French kissing." She wasn't that excellent at it, but good for a beginner. I pulled up her nighty, to slide my hands down her underwear. I had bathed her before, so touching her was nothing new to me. However, touching her sexually was.

But she stopped. She looked at me. We were gasping for breath. Had one of us finally come to our senses that this was wrong? No. Instead she began undoing her buttons. It was amazing. It actually felt like I was in a movie scene. She did everything so perfect. The way she shoved her hair back, the way she undid her buttons, and the way she took it off. Obviously she had watched a lot of TV. I looked at her partially naked body. I wanted her to take off her underwear. She cheekily touched herself. I smiled and forced her to kiss me again. What was ironic was that the nighty she took off, was given to her by me.

Now, everything went fast. She took off my clothes and I took of her underwear. We lay down on the sofa. She was on top. She didn't take off my underwear yet though, although her hands were feeling me, as I was rubbing her. She hurt me at times; because of the way I hurt her down below. I desperately wanted her. She was happy though coz she felt older. She was doing something with me that none of her friends at school had ever done. She loved it. I thought she was playing with me. That she was using me. But I didn't care.

As they say, "I wasn't thinking with my brain." So she took off my underwear and she realised what this meant sex.

It wouldn't go that far would it? I have no excuse. We did. I rolled over on top of her. I loved it. I licked every part of her body. Come to think of it, I had always like younger girls. Not young, but younger. But she was young. We were wrong. It took about 45 minutes. Long time, but I had to break her and this was my first time too. I held her so passionately. Her body shook each time I slid up and down. I liked her hairless down below and the way I could see the area, which hadn't had any sun, and was whiter than the rest of her. I liked the fact that her breasts had only started to bud. But most of all, I liked her innocence. I was her first. She was mine. She was sweating, but no more than me.

Finally, I couldn't manage to hold it in, and I came. She screamed! I quickly moved, but I was stuck, and I hurt too. She was crying loud. I tried to calm her. But every time I moved inside her she screamed more, so I stayed put until she calmed down.

It took a minute or so.

"I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done this!" I said. Her crying turned into laughter.

"I loved it!" She said.

I was relieved!

"Shall I get out?" I asked.

"No." she said. Just a little while longer.

We were there for about half an hour or so. Just talking about issues that were REALLY personal.

Then, we heard the car pull up. I carefully pulled myself out and we were both in a panic. The reality of what we had done came into context when we were disturbed by the outside world. She helped me turn over the cushions on the sofa and rushed upstairs with all her clothes, as she was supposed to be in bed. I quickly got dressed and pretended I was asleep on the sofa with the TV on.

They came in and didn't suspect a thing. I was relieved. My dad and my uncle were totally drunk and my mom and my aunt were totally tired because they had been driving. So, they decided to sleep over. Our house was quite small. We had three rooms. One room, my dad and my uncle slept, the other my mom and my aunt slept. So, to my satisfaction, I was picked up and put in the same room and bed as Courtney.

She was still awake. This was weird. I slept with her before, but this time we were lovers.

We carried on talking and playing with each other. I was 15 then. I am now 18 and she is 12. We still play with each other a lot and we have protected sex every chance we get. I have seen her go through everything. Her dad died in a car accident, her mom became an alcoholic, she moved in with us, she started her periods and there was a couple of times where she was late in her periods. She thought she was pregnant. She was desperate to have my child. So I had to make sure she took her pills. She tried to hide my protection a couple of times, but I have a secret stash, which she doesn't know about. Its all been a real adventure. A real thrill. . With her dad dying, I seemed to be her only father figure. I helped her insert her first tampon, I helped her with her first masturbation, and we bath together every time.

I have broke up with her many times because of this sin and even ran away from home a couple of times. But I could not escape from her. I truly love her. We are already engaged and as soon as she is 16, we will get married. Although that is the plan, things can change in an instant. She could find someone else. But I keep her away from that. My parents don't know a thing. Eventually they will tell me to stop bathing her and spending too much time with her because of what people would think. We have decided that we will confess all when they start to say that, because eventually they will find out. My parents are quite understanding. They would come around with a bit of persuasion. But I am prepared if they don't. I have enough savings to move to California, where my best friend lives. He owns a major share in airlines and is already a millionaire. He has already bought us a house, car and all of our legal documentation, which was obtained illegally. So we are set for life. I will pay him back eventually. To Courtney, I have been her brother, her father and her lover - a three-in-one role.

The End