I took nothing? she took my heart.

February 2000 was the month that changed my life. I stepped off that airplane at Los Angeles International and knew that this would be an unforgettable month. My family and me had come to LA to sign emigration documents. We were official citizens of America, and knew that it would be a change from England. We were only in California for about a month, but it seemed like a lifetime.

The first week was fine, but it was the second week that killed a part of me. Some friends of my mum were coming down from Bay Point. They were from the same village as my mom, in India. They have been citizens of America for about 4 years. They arrived at our house at night on Saturday 12th February. I was there when they pulled up to our store in Oxnard. There was an 11-year-old girl with her mother and father. The girl had just woken up from sleeping in the car. She was lying under blankets in the back seat. At first, I didn't know who she was. Then I saw her close up, and it was somebody that I had met the last time I came to CA in 1997. Her name was Manjot (which means, "Light of the Heart"). The last time we met we had gotten on like a house on fire. So much, in fact, all my other cousins were jealous and despised us both, but we liked each other a lot. She was shy to begin with. After all, it had been two and a half years since we last met.

She was small in height and very slim. She always had been. She wore a traditional Indian suit and looked very beautiful. It brought out her beautiful and cute developing figure. Every time she moved and with every step she took, you could hear the melodic jingle of innocence in the bangles and foot bracelets she wore. Her beautiful round eyes sparkled brightly in the dark. Her smile was soft and tender. Her skin was lightly tanned. Her hair looked beautifully rough after sleeping in the car.

At first, she hung around with my sister. However, less than 24 hours later, she was following me around. We connected again quite quickly. She was the only kid in the house and she cheered me up a lot, because I was missing my other sister, who left USA early and went home due to work.

On that Saturday night we went to a friend of her dads a couple of hours away. I cant remember what the town or city was called, although I am trying to find out desperately. We went in a seven-seater van. Manjots dad and my uncle were in the front, my mum and Manjots mum in the middle seats, with me, my sister and Manjot in the back. I sat next to Manjot. The whole way we talked, laughed and joked. My sister tried hard to attract her attention, but failed miserably. She would hug Manjot, which would make her feel uncomfortable and she would go quiet. However, when I hugged her, she liked it and continued to joke and laugh. My sister was obviously jealous. She was bored and had no one to talk to. One thing that Manjot would do that would tickle me inside, was when she would put her hand on my leg. It was a fascinating sensation. Not a sexual sensation, but something else, that I had never come across before.

When we got to this place, my uncles chatted, but the mums wanted to go shopping at a local Indian area which had loads of Indian shops. So they decided to go on their own, including Manjot. Now I didn't want to go because going shopping and being the only male there would have been a bit hard. But Manjot begged me to come, so I did, not to my sisters' liking. We went around the shops with our mums and my sister joking and laughing and it was so cool. They were looking at kitchen utensils, and clothing. I was practically showing off to my sister, that Manjot liked me more! On the way back, we stopped in an Indian restaurant and had a bite to eat. When we got our food, Manjot was displeased with hers. She didn't like what she had ordered. So instead, I offered her mine, although I hated it too! At first she didn't accept, but I persuaded her and she did. She was really pleased at the gesture.

The way back was the same? I talked to her all the way. Our mums were saying how happy they were that we got on so well. We talked about our preferences to all sorts of things, and about 99% of them matched! I was so baffled. Never had I met a girl who loved what I loved, and thought how I thought. We both loved spicy food, hated the same Indian food, liked the same drink, loved the same sports and same TV programs. But what was weird was that she loved WWF just like me! She was a very passionate girl.

Something was already beginning to happen. I didn't know what though. For the rest of that day and we were totally happy and always together. On that night, she looked ravishing. She wore a shiny silver night suit, but it didn't arouse me in any way. After we had eaten we were in the room where she slept. I was playing with my camcorder, and she was listening to some of my tapes. We had exactly the same tastes in music as well. She wanted a cover from one of my tapes, which was a mini poster of a film. I wouldn't give it her though, because I hated tapes without a cover. She begged me. While she was doing this I was filming her. As soon as she knew she started laughing and got up and pinned me down. We were both laughing. Tossing and turning on the floor. Finally I gave up and she had me pinned. Her body was on top of me and she was dangerously close. We were there on the floor staring straight into each other like a trance. I desperately wanted to kiss her. Slowly I moved closer, without her notice. Her smile faded and she looked serious. Suddenly there was a crash in the kitchen, which brought us back to reality. What was I thinking? She slid off me and pulled up her pajama and straightened out her top. She went to the bathroom and stayed in there for about 5 minutes. What was she thinking? Does she feel the same way? What would happen next? Had we fallen in-love?

For the rest of that night, I couldn't sleep. It was a nice cool night, the view was spectacular, and I was in the greatest country in the entire world. Plus, I had met one extraordinary person. I was really happy. All I could think about was what I would do with her tomorrow, and where we will go and how could I keep her smiling.

So it was Monday the 14th of February. I got up early, before Manjot, and we played card games she taught me. Today was the day she would leave to go home. It was a gloomy day too. I had been thinking whether I should tell Manjot just how much I liked her. She would be going and it was Valentines Day. It was raining outside. They got ready to go at about 2 pm. My heart was beating fast. She was actually going today. I was really unhappy about it. Before she went we took photos of them. In one photo, my sister and Manjot are sitting down, with my sister's arm around Manjot, who looks tense and shy. In another, I asked her to take one of her own. As I took the photo, she was a lot happier. I caught an image of her exactly how I wanted it. When they were about to go out the door I gave her a small present. It was the tape poster she wanted. I was reluctant to hug her after what happened the night before, but we both tensely hugged each other, holding each other for about five seconds. I didn't get emotional. With my tricky past, I had learnt to hold emotions in, without releasing tears. I went outside to help load their bags into the kitchen. Manjot stayed in the car. It was still raining. As her dad started the car I knew if Manjot looked back it would kill me more. As they drove off, she did. We gave each other a wave. I broke down. The car drove like it was in slow motion. Tears ran down my eyes. I stood there, with my mum saying goodbye. Mum left me there standing crying out my heart. The car had disappeared in the rain. I stood there realizing what had just happened. I had truly fallen in-love. For the first time in my mind I had said the "L" word. I damned myself for allowing myself to have fallen into that situation. For the first time I had fallen in-love. I knew it would make an impact on my life, but the impact it has had was never to be expected. Thereafter I wished I had told her how I felt whilst I had the chance. But what has eaten me inside is the mystery whether she loved me. I keep seeing her eyes in my mind. What was she trying to say? Was it nothing? Was it love? After all, how could a child of only 11 years know about love?

Its now August. Since I have left CA I haven't been the same. Numerous songs have been released pouring my heart out. I have contacted Manjot but she doesn't know that it was I. I wanted to know her birthday, where she lived, what school she went to etc. To do this, I got her phone number from the white pages off the Internet and rang her up pretending to be from US emigration department. I had to put on an American accent. It was a poor accent. She went along with it, but whether she recognised my voice and didn't say anything, is unknown to me. It was so good hearing her voice again. Now and then I ring her up just to hear her voice, and I tell her it's a wrong number. I think she has begun to suspect me, but even if she did, I know she would still go along with it. In fact, one day I got a similar call, which was from an international country according to British Telecom. The caller waited a few minutes while I kept saying "hello" and then put the phone down. It was late at night as well and with there being an eight-hour difference in the time zone, it could have been her. But I don't know whether it was.

The suspense is killing me. It was her birthday in July too. I didn't know whether to send her a present or something. In the end I didn't because, the complications would have been far too extraordinary. I asked my mum when I was still in America, whether I could marry someone when I was older, from her village, but she told me it be considered as incest. My mum has typical old-fashioned Indian views. Now I have to live with the knowledge that when I move to America, I might be living next door to her, because they might be moving to Oxnard too. Could I really do that and ignore my feelings for her? What would happen if we got really close? It would tear our families apart. You would think I would have backed away from the idea of moving there, but in fact, I now am desperate to go. My brain knows the potential damage it could cause to our lives, but my heart is telling me that she is the best thing to have ever happened to me.

This is a true story about what happened to me. I wrote it originally for myself, but thought I would share it with you. This is dedicated to my love - Manjot Dhaliwal.

The End