Saturday, July 28 2001

We are back! We returned yesterday from our holiday to [....] and today I have found some spare time to write this letter. Our trip was excellent in almost every way and everything went fine. But I think I should really start from the beginning so here it is:

Our tickets were booked for a Friday morning train, so early in the morning I picked up my luggage and drove to Nikki's home. When I arrived I found her still half asleep and in her jamies but her mom and dad were ready so they helped her dress herself and then we all together left for the rail station. Once there, we had a breakfast at McDonalds and by then Nikki has fully woken up. We all just chatted about the trip while waiting for the train and I think Nikki was even more excited than me. She kept asking questions like how far are we going and are we stopping along the way and if we'll see any dolphins when we get there. In short, she made us all laugh and we all enjoyed our time together. I think for the first time I felt like I was a part of the family and it was a great feeling.

The train was to leave at 8 o'clock so we said goodbye to her mom and dad. Her dad picked her up and kissed her and her mom waved us goodbye as we boarded the train. But in the train Nikki's excitement suddenly disappeared and she became quiet. I thought she was already missing her mom and dad because this was the first time she went somewhere without them so I tried to cheer her up. We made up some simple games and then I showed her on the map where exactly we were going. Then after some time, she met a little boy and girl who travelled in the same carriage as us, so she continued playing with them. The little girl was about Nikki's age and the boy a year younger and they looked alike so I assumed they were sister and brother. I liked the little girl. She wore cute little shorts that revealed her legs. I tried to secretly look at her legs without appearing obvious what I was doing on the train full of people. She had great legs and a nice tan and was pretty but not as pretty as Nikki. Her hair was brown and short while her little brother had blonde hair. Only later I realized they couldn't speak our language. They were foreigners and I think they were here on a holiday with their parents. It was quite funny watching Nikki trying to talk with them by using her hands and them trying to answer her in the same way.

It took us no more than a few hours to arrive at our destination. The little boy and his sister left a couple of stations earlier, so Nikki and I were playing our games together again. There was also one old couple that travelled in the same suite and they thought Nikki was my daughter, but then Nikki said we were just best friends and they smiled at us. I don't know what they thought about her comment because soon after that we left the train.

The hotel where we were staying was nice and big. They gave us a room with two beds, a TV set, a bathroom, a small kitchen and a balcony with a view of a park outside. As soon as we unpacked our luggage (it was really me who unpacked it while Nikki jumped up and down on her bed) we went back outside to buy some lunch. The local town wasn't big but it had a huge beach and we saw lots of children playing around which was wonderful. I think if I had not been with Nikki I would have just looked at skimpy clad little girls walking around the streets and playing on the beach in their little bathing suits. But as soon as we were near the beach, Nikki wanted to go for a swim, so I had to convince her we needed a lunch first. Besides, she wasn't wearing her bikini yet, so she could only swim nude which was fine with me :) but this wasn't a nude beach so some people could object. I really wonder what could anyone find offensive with a naked little girl swimming in the sea, but I didn't want to cause any trouble. I didn't even know if Nikki wanted to bath in the nude.

We finally had lunch in a nice and quiet cafe, and then we went back to the hotel to put on our swimming suits, which gave me the opportunity to put some suntan lotion on Nikki before we left for the beach. I wonder if there is a job where you can put suntan lotion on little girls all day. I loved it and so did Nikki as I slowly rubbed the lotion on her back, her tummy, her legs and then a little under her bikini while she wiggled around and laughed because it tickled her. She was so funny! I asked her how does it feel and she said, I feel all slippery now. We both laughed at that! But this was only the first time I've put suntan lotion on her. Later I did it every morning before she put her bikini on and before we went out. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable though because her breasts are beginning to grow, although they're still very small. But I rubbed some lotion on her chest too, and when I did, everything became suddenly quiet. We just smiled at each other and shared that special moment. I think we knew what each other felt just by looking at each other's eyes. The interesting thing is that she never asked to put the lotion on by herself. She helped me put some on my back but she always expected me to put it all over her as if she couldn't do it by herself.

Anyway, on our first day we explored the place. We went to the local shops and then we bought some food, and in the evening went back to our hotel. One night there was a dance party in the nearby nightclub so we went there because we had nothing better to do. It was only for adults but I sneaked Nikki inside anyway while no one was looking. She was excited because she had never been to a dance club before and she loves music just like I do. We often listen to it together so this was a perfect opportunity to enjoy it. I bought her some orange juice and we kept aside so that the security guard wouldn't see us and kick us out. Nikki was well under the age they allow in places like this.

She was really happy to be there and having fun. It was all new to her and she was just looking around at the people. Later I took her for a dance and we danced for some time before she became tired. I saw some people giving us strange looks and some smiling at Nikki but it didn't bother me at all. We stayed there for a few hours and it was past midnight when we came back to the hotel. At the exit, when the security guard saw us leave, he just shook his head but didn't say anything, and we both laughed. It was one of the best evenings we had!

In our room we had two beds but I left it to Nikki to decide if she wanted to sleep by herself or with me because I wanted her to make her own decision. I think it was fair and I hate to push things on her. I was a little disappointed when she went to her own bed the first night but I kind of expected it. We kissed a little that night and then she climbed in her own bed together with Fin (her toy dinosaur).

The following day things were a little different. We spent the whole day out on the beach so when we returned to the hotel we were really tired. First we went for a shower (we showered together) and then I thought it would be a good idea to watch some TV together. There was a movie I wanted to see and Nikki climbed next to me and we kissed again, but I could feel that she was really tired and half way through the movie I found that she was asleep in my arms. I picked her up then and carried her to my bed and then I snuggled next to her because I was tired as well and I would always choose to sleep next to Nikki rather than watching some silly movie. I hugged her next to me and she was so soft and warm it kept me awake for most of the night. I held her with one arm next to me and we slept like that until late in the morning.

I was still asleep when she woke up but then I felt her touch my shoulder and then she kissed me on the cheek. She was so sweet! I woke up immediately and kissed her back and then we tickled and wrestled on the bed for the rest of the morning, until she was all exhausted from laughing too hard.

From that day we always slept together in my bed and we both enjoyed it a lot. She likes to snuggle against me with her back to me so I can feel her sweet little bottom pressing against me while I hold her to myself. We slept in our T-shirts but in the last two days I asked her if she'd like to take her shirt off. I said I'd do it too so we were in the end both in bed just in our panties. We went to bed early and then we cuddled a little and kissed. This was the closest we've ever been and I will never forget it. Her skin is so soft and she smells like nothing on Earth. I can't describe it; it's so blissful. When she became quiet I slowly caressed her where I never caressed her before and she enjoyed it because I could feel her pushing against me and giggling, but I didn't want to take it any further. I wanted this to be a game for her, not something she would need to think hard about the next morning, and I was also scared to cross the line. But we both had some really beautiful time together without making it too risky. I think our closeness also changed her in some way and she became more open and sensual. She would actually come to me and hug me or give me a kiss and then we would often end up on the bed and love each other without actually having sex. Other times she was just playful. She loves to tease and make me chase her around the place until I catch her.

One day we went to a restaurant. It was a lovely place, right on the beach with a nice view. Then the waiter came and asked us what would we like to order, and then he asked me if my daughter was hungry. In situations like this I usually go along and wait for Nikki to say something because she doesn't care what she says and it often makes us both laugh later on. And this time she just smiled and said to the waiter, "I'm not her daughter. We're lovers!" I almost choked when I heard her say that. The waiter just laughed and left. I wonder what was going on in his mind at that moment and it made me feel uneasy. I suppose we were lucky we didn't get in trouble that day but it really made me a bit scared for the first time.

Latter that night I spoke with Nikki and I said to her that she shouldn't say such things in front of strangers because it could get us into trouble. I'm not sure she really understood the meaning of it, or for that matter, what is it that we do, for example the fact that we love each other and that it could get me in trouble with the law. I decided to speak with her about it even though I hated to burden her with such things. She really shouldn't worry about it because it's something I should take care of. But that night I was too scared to think about it rationally. I asked her if she knew why I love her so much and she said because she's pretty. I explained that it's mostly true and then I said that there are some men and women who love little girls and that I'm one of them and that I really, really love her a lot, but I also told her that there are some people who would hurt us if they found out about it. Then she said she would protect me if someone tries to hurt me but I told her it wouldn't matter because she's a little girl and they can do whatever they want. I think she understood at the end what I tried to tell her and we talked a little more about "people who love children". That's the way I put it to her so she could understand it. I think she was fascinated by the fact that there are people who would do anything for her, unlike the rest of adults who treat children as their inferior. Then she asked me if I will still love her when she grows up and is no longer a child. She looked at me with a sad face as if I was about to forget about her and leave her alone to herself. But her words really struck me. I never wanted her to think about it and it hurt me that she even thought about our love in that way. I didn't know what to do or how to convince her otherwise. I just kissed her and told her she'll never be too old for me, that I will love her all my life. That night was the only time I felt sad in her presence, and mostly because I told her not to do something. I've never done this before, I always treated her as equal and I really felt as if everything was destroyed now. I actually cried and we held each other for a long time. I just hope she didn't take it too hard. She knows I love her.

We had nice weather most of the week, except for one day when it rained. We stayed in our room that day watching TV and playing and writing poems. But the highlight of our holiday was one night when we were both in bed and I just caressed her for a while. I thought she was asleep when she just whispered next to me, "I love you". I almost cried. I just hugged and said, "I love you too," about a hundred times. :)

Most of the time we spent on the beach. Nikki was in the water all day long swimming and diving for shells. She collected lots of different shells, which she took home. We also went to a local amusement park, which was fun because Nikki made some new friends and I sighted some cute little girls too. And some of them were very nice! I remember seeing a sweet little darling, about eight years old playing in the sand pit. Her hair was really long, almost all the way to her sexy little tushy and it was a very pale blonde color. She had an adorable little face. I hope I didn't make Nikki jealous but I doubt she knew I was spying on this little girl. It sometimes makes me feel bad because I want Nikki to be my only girl. I don't want to betray her trust and her love so I try to steer away from making contact with other little girls.

Back on the beach I saw lots of topless little girls too. I would say 50% of the pre-teen and teen girls were topless and lots of toddlers were naked too. They are so cute when they play in the shallow water. Even Nikki took her bikini top off after I encouraged her, so she did get a nice tan on her chest as well, and her hair went a little more blonde than usual from being in the sun all day. I think she even grew up a little. She is beautiful.

On our last day we couldn't part. We did everything together because we knew that as soon as we returned back home we wouldn't see each other every day. We went everywhere together, holding our hands, and there was this special bond between us. It's hard to describe it but we felt really close. I think she really understood for the first time what she means to me and how I feel about her, and it made her feel special. That night at the hotel we slept again only in our panties and we held each other close, just touching and caressing and kissing. I think it was the longest time we ever kissed. I just couldn't part away from her soft little mouth and her wet little tongue. It still sends shivers down my spine when I remember her kisses. I just kept repeating in my head, "Oh God, I love her so much, please don't take her away from me." I don't think we slept more than four hours that night. I wish every night could be like our last night at the hotel.

Then the time came when we had to pack up and catch the train home. We were all ready to leave and then I tried to find our train tickets but I couldn't find them anywhere. I didn't know what to do and if I didn't find them we would miss our train. We went looking for the tickets everywhere and it took us about half an hour to find them on the bottom of one of our suitcases. Then we quickly picked up our luggage and went to the train station.

The ride home was quick because we took the express train, so we just had time to play a couple of games and read some magazines. When we arrived, Nikki's mom and dad were waiting for us. She flew into their arms and I could tell she missed them a lot. They thanked me for looking after her and I thanked them for letting me take her on the holiday. They were really nice and we talked about the things we did but not the details. I don't tell them everything that Nikki and I do in bed although I'm sure they know very well. I think they just want to keep it out of the spotlight and that's why we don't talk about it. After we parted I went home and for a moment I felt really lonely. I missed her already! But I felt happy too because we did something that we both enjoyed and we'll keep it in our memory forever.