Introduction

I live in Europe and I'm 28 year old female. I'm attracted to little girls and until very recently I thought I was the only one who has such feelings. I never met other women with the same interest in children, not even on the Internet, until I found "Female Childlove" web site..

I knew I was different from other girls since I was a teenager, about 14 or so. I thought I was the ONLY one in the world who likes little girls so I didn't know people could be so cruel to me as I found out later.

When I was a teenager I had this obsession about collecting pictures of little girls from fashion magazines and hiding them in my room where my parents couldn't find them. I also wrote some poetry which was pretty cryptic because I was afraid someone will read it and realize what it was about. As I grew up I began learning about sexuality and I realized I was probably a lesbian. I tried to read every book I could find about lesbians but then I learned that they're not attracted to little girls but to other women of their own age. This made me depressed and withdrawn even more. However, I still identify with lesbians even today because I'm not attracted to men or boys at all.

Then one day when I was 17, my Mom found out the secret place where I kept the pictures I cut out from magazines. I don't know who was more shocked, her or me. When I came home and saw her in my room with pictures in front of her, I began trembling as if I had a fever. She asked me what it was all about and I didn't know what to answer. I was very embarrassed and scared and she appeared to be angry and disappointed or even sad at the same time. We didn't talk for the rest of the day until my Dad came back from work and then he called me for a talk, and my Mom was there too. We had a talk and they asked me everything they could think of. I tried to keep quiet but then I gave up and told them everything. I said I was probably a lesbian but that I like little girls, and then because they made me angry too, I shouted at them and said I don't f*..king care what they think about me. My Dad got really mad and slapped me on the face and kicked me out of our house. So there I was, crying and alone on the street with nowhere to go. I finally decided to go to my best friend's home and that night I slept over there. I returned home the next day because I had absolutely nowhere else to go but the situation at home was pretty bad from then on and I finally left when I turned 19.

I went to University and studied arts and today I have a job I really love to do, although it has nothing to do with little girls. I also made friends with many lesbians and I learned that many of them find teen and even young teen girls very hot, but I haven't met any lesbian that is attracted to little girls like I am. I even experimented with lesbian sex and had a few lovers of my age in past years, but they never fulfilled my desires and our relationships lasted for only a short time.

Then about two years ago I met a married couple who had a little girl about eight years old. I met them at one of the parties I went to. The wife is bisexual and that's how I met her, and her husband comes along with her when she meets with her lesbian friends. We became good friends and I gradually told them about my love for little girls. I was surprised they didn't kick me out like my Dad did. They said it's all right as long as I don't force anything on my partners and I assured them I would never do anything like that. I asked them if I could look after their daughter when they go out or are busy with other things, but they said no. I was disappointed again and felt really betrayed by their hypocrisy.

But then about a month later I received a call from them asking me if I wanted to come to their daughter's birthday party. That party was one of the best times in my life. The house was full of little girls who played and giggled all the time and it made my heart melt with love. There were also parents and other adults so I could talk with them too, but I spent most of the time playing with girls and making them laugh. I think it was the day when the parents of the little girl (I'll call her Nikki) changed their mind about me and allowed me to occasionally look after their daughter.

Nikki and me made really good friends and whenever I look after her I try to make it as much fun for her as possible. We go out to the movies, museums and parks, and I show her everything that interests her. She is also very smart and we talk about everything we can think of. One of her hobbies is building little doll houses and we have lots of fun doing it together. One thing I can't resist is giving her gifts. I gave her all my dolls which I kept since I was a little girl and every time I meet her I bring her a little gift, even if it's something small like a lollipop, and every time she gives me a hug and a kiss. One other thing she loves to do is reading books. Her favorite book at the moment is Harry Potter, but she also reads adult books like fantasy or science fiction. I also like to read what she reads or I suggest a book I know she will like to read and then we talk about it and make up our own stories.

We both love to be together and she often said she would never have another person looking after her. There is nothing sexual in our friendship but we are very intimate and we do flirt with each other and she's really good at it mostly because she's still very innocent about how she does it. I don't know how to describe things she does, I just know I love her with all my heart. When we hug and kiss or just hold our hands, I feel like I'm in heaven.

Nikki just turned ten years old a couple of weeks ago and we've known each other for two years and I'm sure we'll stay best friends for many years to come. I don't see my family any more but it doesn't matter any more because all support and love I need I can find in my little Nikki.