Write Club Duel

Father Ignatius v. Aquillae

Judged by Hecate

The nine words were:

From Aquillae: spiv, logotechnician, craspedomorphology

From Father Ignatius: museum, car park, cloakroom

From Hecate: seaman, organism, ejaculation

Hecate also added the following rules to the duel: the need to include an airport, silk boxers, and a new character that had not been used before.

The Phantom of ASSD

by

Aquillae

Copyright 9/18/2000

Aquillae@excite.com

Alexandria straightened her skirt, fluffed her hair, picked up her carry on case, and then opened the door of the supply room. Walking briskly through the terminal at Heathrow, she headed for the exit doors and the nearest waiting taxi. After her long, bumpy flight she was eager to get home and slip into a nice hot bath.

A few seconds later the cleaning crew staggered out of the supply room.

*------*------*------*------*------*------*

Bob rang the door bell a second time. He had too. It was part of his job. Just as it was part of his job to walk through wind and rain, sleet and snow, it was also part of his job to ring the door bell a second time. For Bob was a postman, and he always rang twice!

Just after the second ring the door was opened.

Bob, a veteran mailcarrier of fifteen years, was unfazed by the beautiful young woman who opened the door wearing nothing but a powder blue bath robe, that was untied, and an inviting smile. Automatically, as he had done for the past fifteen years, he handed her the large package, made a wave good-bye, and walked back to his vehicle.

Three blocks later, while handing Mrs. Simpson her mail, he finally broke. The site of the young divorcee in her see-through nightgown, her sultry come hither dark eyes, and the deep sexy sound of her voice as she offered him some milk and cookies was too much.

Three blocks away from Mrs. Simpson and Bob, Alexandria Czkdyck opened the package that had just arrived. Inside the package was a frilly white teddy, a pair of handcuffs, a video titled ‘The Many Loves of Rebecca Snow’, and a twelve inch dildo. Attached to the dildo was a note from Mr. Que. She pulled off the note and placed the dildo down on the table.

As she read the note, which was a typical over wordy thank you card from Mr. Que, the dildo began to hum and vibrate. The vibration increased, and suddenly from the slit in the head a long, thin, metallic rod emerged. The rod extended to nearly six inches, then slowly the tip of the rod began to fan out like a radar dish.

Alexandria slapped the note down on the table, now realizing that the affectionate note and the other things in the package had merely been a bribe to pacify her anger.

"Good evening, Double-O Sex." The dildo relayed the pre-recorded voice of her boss, "I take it that you are alone since you’ve activated this message. If you are not, then tell the little strumpet to bugger off."

"Now, I know you are on permanent holiday recuperating after that nasty little business you had with that spiv, Freddie the Flatulent. But we need you Double-O Sex."

"Yeah, right." Alexandria started to put the things back into the package.

"This mission, which you will accept, is vital to the future of our great nation, and indeed perhaps the world."

Alexandria, quite accustomed to Que’s longwinded intros to a case, went about fixing herself a pot of tea as the dildo rambled on with information.

"As you may have read in the papers recently, there has been a rash of kidnappings here in our country and abroad. At first, there appeared to be no connection to the individuals kidnapped. But just recently, our Scuzbot 9000 has detected a singular thread which seems to be the cord which binds all of the kidnappings together. And that cord is 3;"

A female’s voice cut into the speech, "Please insert an additional two pounds to continue the conversation."

"Oh, blasted!" Que’s fine upper firsts tone was gone, "Miss. Wiggles! Have you got change for a fiver?"

Alexandria poured the tea, sat down at the table, and opened the Sun to page three.

"Your connection will be terminated in one minuet if you do not deposit the correct amount." the female voice chirped.

"Dam it! Well, go and ask that fellow if he’s got any change." Que was quickly losing patience with both the female operator and Mrs. Wiggles. "That one. No not the officer. Good lord! Do you expect a member of Her Majesty’s Royal Officer Core to have change for a fiver? The seaman standing next to him. Now go!"

"Your connection will be terminated in thirty seconds if you do not deposit the correct amount."

"Bloody hell. Look, can you just hold on for one second. This is important state business we’re trying to conduct here."

"I’m sorry, sir," the polite female voice chirped in reply, "But our orders are quite explicit on the matter."

"Dam your orders!" Que shouted at the young female voice, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

"No, sir, I don’t."

"I’m Sir Wilberforce Clayborn Que."

"So you say, sir."

"You don’t believe me?"

"No, sir, I don’t."

"Why 3;why you cheeky little bounder! What’s your name?"

"I’m sorry, sir, we’re not allowed to give out our names." The female voice chirped away.

Finished with the Sun, Alexandria started to read the Guardian.

"You have ten seconds to deposit the correct change."

"Wait! Wait, here comes my assistant, Mrs. Wiggles. She has the change. Here, give me the 3;what the devil is that on your face, Mrs. Wiggles? Good God, Mrs. Wiggles, remember who you are. You’re the secretary to the head of MI-6. Not some back street floozy. Now, go and rinse your mouth out."

There was a metallic sound of coins dropping.

"Thank you. You now have two minutes left on your call."

"Right! Double-O Sex, you still there?" Que paused for a moment then hurried into the briefing. "The link to all the kidnappings was the occupation of the people kidnapped. Each and everyone of them worked as a logotechnician."

Alexandria continued to read the paper.

"The only clue we have at this point to the kidnapper’s identity is a business card left at the scene of each of the kidnappings. The card simply had the letters A.S.S.D. written on them."

Alexandria looked up from the paper and listened with interest.

"It seems, according to our Scuzbot 9000, that the letters stand for some diabolical organization, perhaps bent on world domination."

"Because this case involves the kidnapping of nationals from several countries, you will be working as a team with several other international spies. The rendezvous point for the initial meeting with your counterparts will take place at 4:30 pm on the third sub level of the car park, just across the street from the Lord Pooh-Bah Museum. Try to be on time Double-O Sex." Mr. Que hung up his end of the dildo connection.

Alexandria jotted down the rendezvous information on a pad. She then added the letters which had first sparked her interest. She had seen them some place before, just recently on a case. But which case. She couldn’t remember.

A quick glance at the kitchen clock showed the time to be half past two. Regretfully there would be no time to properly break in the new things and still make it for her rendezvous. Resigning herself to yet another day lost to the riggers of work, she picked up the phone and called a taxi service.

At quarter to four Alexandria stepped out of her house and entered the front passenger side of the taxi.

"Where to, Miss?" the good looking young driver asked.

"Lord Pooh-Bah’s Museum. And make it quick. I’m late."

"How late?" he asked as he started the car.

"I have to be there by four thirty."

The driver shook his head causing his short blonde hair to toss back and forth. "No way you’re going to make it by half past four. Not on a day like today with all the construction going on in the city."

"Perhaps you know a short cut." She smiled at him.

"Even taking a few cuts here and there," the car started to pull out into the street, "and pushing the speed a little, we’ll never make it. Never."

"Never?" she looked at him and batted her eyes, "Never?"

"Well," he shifted in his seat, "there might be a way to get you there by half past. Just barely, mind you."

"How?" she leaned over close to him placed her hand on his jacket.

He gave a crooked grin and glanced down at his crotch.

"Oh."

"Well, I guess you don’t want to get there that badly."

"Oh, no." she stroked her hand on his jacket, "That’s not what I meant." Slowly she lengthened the strokes until her hand was down at his waist. With practiced ease she repositioned herself.

The driver shifted in his seat to lift his crotch higher.

With deft ease, she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. As she pulled them open and down slightly, she was surprised to see the taxi cab driver wearing black silk boxers. She rubbed her hand up against the crotch of the boxers.

"They were a gift from my girlfriend." the young driver commented as he tried to keep the car on his side of the road.

"Very sexy." she purred in a low voice, and gently fished out his thickening erection. She brought her lips to the tip of his head and stopped. There was a scent of peppermint. She looked up to him, "I just love peppermint."

"I know." he whispered as she slowly sunk her mouth down on him.

The sweet taste of the peppermint excited her and she devoured him with wild abandon. After a few minutes of her skillful oral technique, Alexandria began to feel drowse. Placing the blame for her tiredness on last night’s orgy, she pulled up for air, and then went straight down on him to the base of his cock. She was determined to finish him quickly, and she did. With a flinch of his hips his ejaculation began. Not wishing to smear her dress or make up, Alexandria swallowed every last drop.

Satisfied that he was finished she lifted her head up. She felt dizzy. Looking about, she finally realized that the car had been stopped for some time. "Were are we?" she asked as she tried to focus on the surroundings. "This isn’t the car park."

"That’s one you’ve got right, Double-O Sex." the young driver smiled at her.

Alexandria slowly slumped forward against his chest and passed out.

*------*------*------*------*------*------*

Alexandria lay on the cold hard slab of an operating table, spread eagle with her arms and legs tied, and cursed herself for being stupid enough to fall for the old trick of the spiked dick. From the way her body felt, she guessed it was probably derivative of the Zoot-root plant.

Suddenly the darkness of the room was spilt by a piercing thin white light. Accompanying the light was the theme songs from the movie 2001. As the music reached its crescendo the light flashed bight and a figure moved into view behind a thick curtain of coats. Out of a small cloak room burst the phantom. As the music faded away, the lights slowly came up, and the phantom promenaded down the flight of stairs to Alexandria.

"Welcome, Double-O Sex, to my world." he spoke in a solemn voice.

Alexandria turned her head to see him. What she saw puzzled her. She had never seen any living organism which closely resembled the figure that stood beside her.

"Who are you?"

"I am, The Phantom!" He walked away toward a large, gaudy rollback desk. "And you, O lovely, Double-O, are to be my prisoner."

"How do you 3;"

He turned quickly. "I know all about you, Double-O! I know your wants, your desires, even your love of peppermint." Breaking out of the voice and manner he had been using, he asked in a childish tone, "Was the peppermint tasty?"

Alexandria spit in his direction.

"Ah," he resumed his solemn tone, "defiant to the last. As I would want you."

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Well, if these were the good old days of the cold war, I’d quickly kill you." He laughed a maniacal laugh. Then with a quick cutting gesture of his hand, he stopped laughing. "But, seeing as how this is the age of the new world order, I can’t do that. It would be too ‘naughty’ of me." He slapped his hand several times. "Oh, bad boy. Bad boy. Shame." Then with a clap he called out, "Ralphie! Joey! Come, come. I’ve work for you."

Running up quickly to his side were two men dressed in white lab coats and carrying photographic equipment. They stood at his side like lap dogs.

"This is Ralphie. And this is Joey. Say hello to the pretty young lady boys."

The two men waved and smiled silly little grins at her.

"As you may have noticed, craspedomorphology is their passion. Isn’t it lads?"

The two men nodded quickly.

"What are they going to do to me?"

"Do? Oh, yes. They’re going to take your picture for future blackmail."

"That’s all?"

"In this day and age, my dear sweet child, that’s all we’re allowed to do. Violence is a strict no-no."

Alexandria relaxed with the news.

"Of course, they will be touching up the photos. Just a little. Nothing much."

"What kind of touch ups?"

"Hmmm, what did you have in mind, Ralphie? A pink flower dress. Tea length, of course."

Alexandria screamed and struggled to free herself from the belts.

At that moment, the rear wall behind Alexandria shook as pieces of the ceiling began to come down. With a roar of sound the wall exploded inward. In through the cloud of dust ran several agents from MI-6 armed with submachine guns.

Somehow, in the chaos of shooting everything in the room full of bullets, the Phantom and his two henchmen escaped.

Alexandria was freed by her old partner, O-Sixty-Nine.

"How did you guys find me?" she asked as she pulled the blanket around herself.

"Simple. Que had a homing device planted in that white teddy he sent you." O-Sixty-Nine replied.

In through the dust walked Que, followed closely by Mrs. Wiggles.

"Well, Double-O Sex, you’ve made a right monkeys breakfast of it this time. Got yourself captured. Your equipment lifted. And managed to let the bad guy get away. Still, you did manage to find the kidnapped logotechnician’s it seems."