Fundraiser Drive (A Second Server Challenge) by Aquillae Copyright 2/26/2001 |
Slowly the room began to fade to black, until nothing was visible. "Okay. Were coming up in five. Four. Three." Slowly, as the blackness lifted, a tall distinguished man wearing a tuxedo was revealed standing in among rows of computers. Each row was placed on a higher level. Behind the man and the computers, raised up on the wall was a giant board that glittered and sparkled with numbers. The numbers continuously flickered as they changed and continued their upward progression in value. Unaware that they were broadcasting live at that moment, Aquillae leaned back against one of the risers and continued reading his well-thumbed copy of Kathleen E. Woodiwiss Ashes in the Wind. "Does anyone wish to inform our celebrity host that were live?" the technical director asked over the headset to the cameramen who were down on the studio floor. After a couple of failed attempts at getting Aquillaes attention visually, Bob, the seasoned cameraman that he was with three hours of experience, loudly whistled across the studio and into his headset. With a curse the technical director pulled his headset off. Standing upright with a start, Aquillae quickly snapped the book closed and looked toward camera three. Camera one, however, was the current camera selected by the technical director to be sending its image across the internet. The technical director punched up camera three just as Aquillae realized his mistake and turned to face camera one. The technical director cursed. "Are we live?" Aquillae asked. "Someone please tell that idiot were live," the technical director dropped his head into his hands. Then bolting upright he quickly added, "Except Bob!" Aquillae finally got the hint and the right camera. "Okay," the technical director listened as Aquillae started his welcoming introduction, "get ready with the teleprompter. Roll teleprompter." The teleprompter rolled the teleprompter. Slowly, the technical director allowed himself to relax as the talent easily progressed through the prewritten script for this years fund raiser. At the proper moment he punched up the long web address for receiving donations and added it to the image that was being broadcast over the internet. Everything, after a shaky start, was running rather smoothly on the shot, he thought. As Aquillae walked along the bank of computers and started listing the many authors available at ASSTR, five men burst onto the sound stage with a loud clatter of noise and grumbling. Spotting Aquillae, they pointed, and all signaling their agreement, quickly marched over to him. With a large meaty paw, the leader of the group tapped Aquillaes shoulder. "Oh," Aquillae was surprised to see the men standing beside him. "Hello. Are you here to fill in for the next commercial plug?" "What?" one of the men grunted as the others scratched their heads in bewilderment. "Are you here for the next commercial spot?" Aquillae, believing that his segment was over, turned and spoke to the men. Again he was met with confused expressions. "The server challenge? The Fund raiser?" Aquillae questioned. "You are here to help support ASSTR, arent you?" A spark of light flashed through the eyes of the men as they heard the one familiar word in all of Aquillaes questions - ASSTR! "Yes!" the leader of the group proclaimed out loud with pride, "were here for ASSTR!" The other men smiled and nodded their heads in a series of quick motions that tossed their hair over their eyes. "Well thats just great," Aquillae patted the leader on the shoulder. As he walked past he commented quietly to them. "Course you might want to think about getting something out of wardrobe to wear before your spot comes on." He smiled as they looked down at their clothing. "Whats wrong with our clothes?" one of them asked as they all looked at Aquillae neatly attired in his tuxedo. "Hey, nothing. But I dont think you want to give anyone the impression youre a bunch of girlies, do you? Not with this crowd." "Girlies!" The men closed in around Aquillae. "Who you calling girlies?" "Girlies? Did I say you were girlies?" "Yeah, you did." "No. No, you misunderstood me," Aquillae tried desperately to step back away form the men, "I just meant that the viewing audience would, I mean, might think you were a bunch of you know 3;" The men closed in tighter and growled. "But, hey, if anyone can wear boxers of lavender and brown without being called girlie 3;" "Its called puce!" the leader interrupted. "Puce." Aquillae looked back down at the boxers. "Nice word for it. Looks almost like puke 3;" The leader grabbed Aquillae by the lapels and pulled him up off the ground. Bringing his face close to Aquillaes, he asked, "Are you making fun of our teams colors?" "Team colors?" "Our football team." "Football team? Oh, youre one of those new XFL fans. Quite frankly I think the games suck royally. But some of the cheerleaders are pretty hot. Especially those babes from Las Vegas." "Not American. Australian." "Ah, you mean rugby." Aquillae was quickly hoisted up higher as the men gathered around him growled. "Australian football," the leader corrected. "Like I said rugby." The leader shook Aquillae in his hands like a small rag doll. He lowered Aquillae back to his eye level. "Australian football." Dizzy and slowly turning the color of the mens boxers, Aquillae rolled his head to look at the leader. "Australian football." The leader placed Aquillae back down on the ground. Struggling to regain his feet, Aquillae staggered against the leader. With an effort at friendship he looked up and asked, "You guys must be thirsty standing under these lights. How bout a little drink?" The men nodded eagerly at the suggestion. "Right then," Aquillae turned and addressed the blackness of the studio, "Fosters beer all round! And the drinks are on ASSTR!!" The men grumbled and pushed Aquillae away. "Whats wrong with Fosters? I thought it was the National brew of Australia." "Whats wrong with it? It tastes like horse piss." "Well, Ive never actually tasted horse piss myself, but 3;" Another man interrupted Aquillae and corrected his friend by describing the unique flavor of a Fosters beer. Soon the group was embroiled in a heated argument over what a can of Fosters beer actually tasted like. Aquillae raised his voice over the crowd, "How about a bottle of Rolling Rock beer, instead?" "Whats Rolling Rock?" "A pricey local brew that kids from the Mid-Atlantic states think is a real cool import." "Whats it taste like?" "Who cares," the leader replied, "anything has got to be better than Fosters." Happily the group followed Aquillae as he walked toward the end of the riser. Quickly Bob pulled off his head set and ran over to intercept the group. "Mr. Aquillae, you cant leave just yet," Bob pushed his way into the group to face Aquillae. "Youve still got to explain to the new visitors about the blowjob principle." A smile broadened each mans face as they all repeated the magical word at the same moment. "Relax yourselves, guys," Aquillae said, "it aint what you think it means." Turning his attention to Bob, Aquillae draped an arm over his shoulder and lead him toward the studio door. "Ive already done my share for the site. I think Ill let someone else handle the explanations next time." "Yeah, but," Bob tried to answer. Aquillae glanced down and read the young mans name tag. "Tell you what, Bob. Why dont you have a go at it and tell the visitors what the blowjob principle is all about." "Me?" "Sure. You can do it, kid." "You think so?" Bob felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of actually getting in front of the camera. "I know so." Aquillae slapped him on the back. "Now go out there and show them what youve got." After a few quick steps, Bob stopped dead in his tracks, hesitated for a moment, and then turned back to Aquillae. In a whisper he asked, "Just what exactly is the blowjob principle?" "You dont know?!" Aquillae asked in mock surprise. "No, I dont." "Dont worry, kid." Aquillae pointed over to the teleprompter he had been reading from. "Just read what they send you over the teleprompter." "That thing?" "Yeah. That thing. Now go get em" With a nod, Bob strode off to where Aquillae had made his speech. Aquillae and the group of men exited the studio. Bob looked up at camera three and announced, "Okay, Im ready to do the blowjob bit. Roll the tele-thing." The technical director dropped his head to the control panel. "Someone please get that imbecile off the set before I kill him." Without looking he then punched the broadcast feed back to the story that had been interrupted to bring the short commercial announcement for ASSTR. Resigning himself to the failure of the last commercial break, the technical director turned to the talent coordinator and asked who was going to be coming to the studio next. She flipped through the pile of papers clipped to her clip board. "Two young ladies." The technical director didnt bother to ask for the names. He had already learned the hard way that the names were just online handles and rarely had anything to do with the persons true identity or appearance. "Theyve asked that a few items be available for them on stage while their on the air." Oh, God, he thought, not another bunch of bogus celebrities making outrageous demands for mineral water drinks splashed with the effervescence of lemon petals. "What do they want?" The talent coordinator hesitated, blushed, and then handed the list to him. The technical director looked at the long list of sexual devices. Several of them he had no clue what they were or what they did. He handed the list back to the talent coordinator and hung his head. Not for the last time that long day did he regret the decision he had made to leave the Aunt Annes Play Time Hour Show.
The End
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Copyright © 2001 Aquillae
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