Three days later, the frat house of Rho Upsilon Beta Rho was back to normal, or as normal as can be expected for that group.

Thomas, Seann, and Jesse were laughing themselves silly in the lounge over repeated viewings of video selections like RAT RACE. Thomas wiped a tear from his eye. "No, honest, doesn't that guy look an awful lot like Master Skeevo? Seriously."

Seann stuffed a handful of cheese puffs into his mouth and spoke around the orange- powdered crunchy wad. "Nuh. Thorry, I'm not seein' it."

The three boys wore loose-fitting blue jeans and rubber sweatshirts. Thomas had on rubber knee boots, the other boys wore tennis shoes. Chris relaxed nearby on a beanbag chair, clad in a charcoal-gray wadersuit bearing the fraternity letters, sifting through other videos for the next selection.

In the rec room, Eric and Simms were in sudden death overtime at the foosball table. Across the room, Eli was trouncing Jason in ping pong. As the little white plastic ball shot past Jason, Eli twirled his paddle in one hand and smirked. Jason scrambled for the ball and returned to the table. "Okay. Best 26 out of 50."

Eli shook his head. "It's your funeral."

All three of the handsome quarterbacks were dressed in smart casual attire, shirts imprinted with their team logo, crisp slacks, polished heavy shoes or brand-spanking new sneakers. Jason wore a red, white and blue rubber ensemble of polo shirt, overalls, and knee boots.

Laughter had returned to the house, with hijinks and horseplay being the order of the day. Benji, dressed all in baby blue rubber, jeans, surfer boots, and long-sleeved collar shirt-- save for a T-shirt with a computer company logo thrown on top--came dashing into the rec room. "Dudes! Where's masters Xander and Skeevo?"

Jason didn't look away from the ping pong table. "Upstairs, I think. Why?" He swung and missed the ball again, swearing.

Benji didn't answer, but bounded out of the room, racing past the lounge as he went. He smacked the door jam of the lounge as he dashed by, hollering out, "V.I.P. coming, you guys!"

Thomas, Jesse, and Seann looked at each other in confusion. "What was all that about?", Jesse wondered aloud.

Thomas shrugged, reaching for more snacks. "Search me." Chris leaned forward, peering out the doorway to see Benji vaulting up the stairs.

Seann took a swig of his drink. "Maybe we have someone new to show our spiffy new mascot to." Seann grabbed up a couple mixed nuts from a nearby dish and ricocheted them off the head of the mascot in question. The other boys laughed cheerfully.

Benji hit the top of the landing running and sped to Xander's door. Pounding on it, he called out, "Master Xander! Master Skeevo! We need you downstairs, pronto!" He switched from using his knuckles to hitting the door with his palm. "Hell-oooo! Anybody in there??"

A shirtless Xander opened the door a crack and said, "Yes, yes, Ben, I hear you already. Your voice carries. What's the problem?"

"We have a visitor. A very important visitor, too. You're gonna want to come down."

Xander rubbed the bridge of his nose, saying, "Okay, okay. Just gimme a minute to make myself presentable, alright?" Benji could see the thick rubber wrist manacle around his master's wrist.

"Um, Master Xander? It looks like your attached to something..." The well-meaning but not terribly bright Benji pushed the door open farther to reveal just what Xander was attached to. On the end of a slender but formidable silver chain stemming from Xander's wrist was a stout rubber collar buckled around Jordan's neck. Jordan was also shirtless, but wore skintight black rubber sailor's jeans and tall rubber riding boots. He managed a meager smile as Benji stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Ooohhhh", Benji whistled. "Am I, like, interrupting something, Master Xander?"

"You think??" Xander put a hand on Jordan's shoulder and gave him an affectionate squeeze. "Ben, can't you go get Skeevo to greet this visitor?"

Benji gave an exaggerated shrug. "Don't know where he is. I kinda thought he'd be in here with you." Ben peered around Xander to verify that he and Jordan were the room's only occupants. "Umm...do you know where he is?"

Xander gestured for Jordan to toss him the key from atop his desk to undo his manacles. "I have my suspicions."

Moments later, Xander approached a room further down the hall and barged right in. There, in bed, were Skeevo and Jonathan, the former attired in a loose-fitting rubber jumpsuit, the latter in a snug bodysuit. They didn't appear to have been napping.

Skeevo looked crossly at his friend. "Hell-o! There's this quaint old-world tradition called knocking--!"

Xander crossed his arms, unimpressed. "We have a visitor downstairs. I'm electing you to go down and greet him. I'm kind of busy right now."

Benji attempted to get their attention, but remained in the hallway. "Um, masters? I think maybe you both need to go--"

Skeevo sat up, his arms around his knees. "You're busy? Oh yeah, well, I'm just laying around here doing nothing."

Xander made a frowny-face. "Well, you appear to be laying something."

Skeevo ignored him. "Benji, who is it downstairs, anyway?"

Xander turned to Benji. "Yeah, Ben. Just who the hell is so important that we both have to go meet him?"

Benji spoke softly. "The guy from all the paintings." Benji pointed across the hall to the portrait of the tall, slender man, dressed in shining chest waders, proudly fishing.

Skeevo nudged Jonathan's shoulder. "Assemble the troops."

Xander and Skeevo raced up to the front door still tucking their shirts in. They had broken all their speed records jumping from rubbergear into street clothes. Jordan was hot on Xander's heels, doing his best to pull Xander's oversized clothing tight to his smaller frame to better disguise that they'd been borrowed at the last minute.

"Where's Jonathan?", Xander asked Skeevo, still in full gallop.

"Getting the others. Benji?"

The question was answered before Xander could divine where the frat's goofiest member had disappeared to. There at the front door stood the celebrated Mr. Gummistein, smiling cheerfully as the expansive Benji chatted him up, his grinning mouth flapping, his arms gesticulating wildly. And still in his full rubber gear.

"Oh, shit", mumbled the frat masters.

"Mr. Gummistein! Sir! To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit, may we ask?", Xander said, approaching their founder with extended hand. He took the offered hand and shook it warmly.

"Gentlemen." This was indeed the same man from the portraits. Tall, tanned, still in fine shape for a man his age, though his gray hair was now white. He gave a quick glance at the three newcomers before him. "You must be...Xander, is it?"

"Yessir", the fratboy answered.

"And you must be Mr. Skevowicsz, correct?"

"Skeevo, sir. Please."

"Ah, yes. Very good." He looked at Jordan, who was practically quaking in his shoes (or Xander's shoes, in this case). "You, on the other hand, must be new."

Jordan bobbed his head. "J-Jordan, sir. New this year. I-it's a pleasure to meet you, sir."

"Is it?", Mr. Gummistein raised an eyebrow, evidently surprised that someone so fresh and young should even know who he was. He turned back to the grinning Benji, and indicating him to the frat masters, commented, "I must say, I couldn't help but wonder as to this young man's attire--"

"Oh, that! Totally plausible explanation for that there!", Xander blurted.

"Way plausible. Simple, we mean 'simple'.", Skeevo added.

"Simply plausible", Xander picked up. "Plausible in its simplicity!"

"See, we are a fraternity, after all", Skeevo offered.

"YES!", Xander agreed heartily. "A fraternity, with all its quirks, and pranks, and forced ritual humiliation inflicted upon select young incoming members! Of whom Benji here is one! Hence the latex ensemble. Humorously embarrassing, isn't it??"

Mr. Gummistein looked Benji up and down, his brow furrowed. Benji leaned close to him, his idiot grin wide enough to displace his ears. "Rubber feels so awesome, dude. You wanna touch it?" Both of the founder's eyebrows went up. Xander's jaw dropped open, and Skeevo groaned.

At that moment, the rest of the troops arrived. It looked as if they'd dropped everything and came immediately. Rubber gear and all. The boys all lined up, as if standing for inspection, and looked evenly at the fraternity founder. Jonathan announced with pride, "Welcome back to Rho Upsilon Beta Rho, sir! We're at your service!"

There was a moment's silence, more accurately called an awkward pause. Mr. Gummistein then said to Xander, "Having a great many moments of humorous embarrassment this term, hmm?" Xander had his hand tightly over his mouth.

Skeevo attempted a rescue, saying, "Sir, I can explain all this, really I can." He looked at the group of fratboys, the handsome quarterbacks, and especially at Jason's ridiculous star-spangled rubber outfit. "No. No, I can't."

"Well, I can", Mr. Gummistein said. Softly, he began to laugh. "Do you think you boys were the first rubberists ever to grace this campus? Or that perhaps your predecessor, Christian was? Why on earth do you think I started this fraternity in the first place?" Xander and Skeevo were flabbergasted. Not allowing them time for recovery, their founder approached the roomful of boys and asked, "How many of you dear lads are gay? A show of hands." The hands went up. "Good, good. And how many of you are dating a girl as a form of camouflage for who you truly are?" No hands. Mr. Gummistein turned to Xander and Skeevo. "Now that is what I like to see. That is what I dreamed of. A place where gay young men--young rubberists--could be themselves among likeminded friends and brothers." He shook both frat masters' hands. "Well done. Good work, my boys." The duo nodded in grateful acknowledgement, still too stunned to speak. Back in my day you had to get married to allay suspicion, and not having children was never an option. Which brings me to the reason for my visit."

Jason piped up, "Oh man, you gonna adopt us?" Jonathan fired an angry "shh!" sign at him.

"I'm here for my grandson. I trust he's still among you, though he's not present in this fine lineup."

Skeevo found his voice. "Your grandson? I don't think we have--"

"Bryan Finch. He arrived a while ago. Or at least he should have. May I see him, please?"

An icy stillness swept over the room. Xander cleared his throat and looked at the floor. "Bryan Finch is...your grandson?", Skeevo said, hoping for clarification. Mr. Gummistein simply nodded curtly, apparently not in the habit of repeating himself. So Skeevo added, "We had no idea."

Xander said, "I mean, we knew he was legacy, but we never would'a guessed he was related--"

"He goes by his mother's name, has done since the divorce. I'm afraid he's something of a troublemaker, always has been. Has a terrible problem with authority. Rules aggravate him to no end."

"Yeah, we picked up on that", Skeevo said.

"He seems to think that he's the only person smart enough to ever be in a position of authority and will do anything to either place himself there or bring down those in said position."

"Got that, too", Skeevo admitted.

Mr. Gummistein pulled out a credit card bill. "There's been no activity on the credit card he believes he pilfered from my chauffeur--" Xander and Skeevo looked puzzled. "--it was a plant. I wanted him to take it so that I could track him via his penchant for overindulgent purchases. But they stopped recently. I came to find out why. Pray tell me, has he finally found his place here? I'd like to think there's some hope for the lad."

"Ooohh, he's found a place alright", Benji smiled, rocking back and forth on his rubber heels. Xander and Skeevo made angry gestures to silence him. Too late.

"Well then, let's see him by all means", the founder said eagerly. But no one moved. "Now, gentlemen."

Xander pointed to Jason and Jesse to retrieve Bryan Finch. Or what was left of him. Within moments, the two boys returned with Finch, and the room cleared to make way for him. Bryan stood there with the stupidest expression on his face that any human being has ever had. He grinned like a complete imbecile, since that's basically what he was now. He had been dressed up by the boys in a big brown monkey costume. He looked like a member of The Bloodhound Gang. You and me, baby, we ain't nothin' but mammals. He was completely covered, save for an open-faced hood sporting enormous monkey ears. His hands were gloved in oversized monkey paws, his feet were encased in shoes designed to mimic giant monkey feet. A long curled tail bobbed up and down from the seat of his pants. Everyone remained silent, staring at him as he crouched before the group. After a minute or so of that, Bryan let out a delighted, "CHEE!!"

Benji leaned over to Mr. Gummistein again. "He's our mascot, man."

Mr. Gummistein remained placid. "Bryan?" The monkey boy simply crouched there, scratching his belly.

Skeevo whispered, "Um, he only answers to Butt Monkey now."

Mr. Gummistein pursed his lips. Then, "Butt Monkey?" Butt Monkey chittered gladly and hopped over to the founder's feet. He scratched his sides playfully, whapped himself a couple of times atop his head and went "Ppphhhllllrrrppp!!" with rolling lips.

"It would seem we have quite a bit of catching up to do", Mr. Gummistein observed.

Xander sighed. "Yeah, looks like."

Laughter filled the living room as the group sat around on both chairs and the rug. Mr. Gummistein was the center of attention as he regaled the group with one anecdote after another. "And so I said to him, 'But of course you need triple layers when diving in these waters, I assure you!' and unbeknownst to him, as I helped him squeeze his glorious body into the final bodysuit, he had no idea he'd be spending the afternoon parading around in a rubber suit with the double-male insignia emblazoned across his back and the legend "Diver Goin' Down" beneath it. I still have the photos."

The group laughed raucously as they hung on every word. "Another beer, Mister Gummistein?", Xander offered.

"No, no, that's my limit, really." He looked over at Butt Monkey Bryan seated atop a stool in the far corner. "You know, he really was an undisciplined little shit. He always left a trail of havoc in his wake. I took a chance he might have suppressed latent homosexual feelings that could explain his poor attitude. So the Rho Upsilon Beta Rho house was our last chance. Tell me, is he--?" He let his voice trail off.

"Gay?", Skeevo finished the sentence. "Nah, we don't think so. Unless he's a really, really, really self-loathing gay."

"Entirely possible", Mr. Gummistein admitted, reaching for some more beer nuts. Bryan then smiled broadly as he rubbed his crotch with one palm and scratched at his balls with the other. He then sniffed at his scratching fingers and licked the nails. If he did hate himself before, he sure seemed to be over it now.

"Oh, and there is one other thing I wish to know." He once again produced the credit card statement. "Who precisely is Nigel Hetherington?" The answer was a chorus of blank stares and shaking heads. Looking at the statement again, he clarified, "It says here, Nigel Hetherington: RHL Specialty Clothiers. Any ideas?"

"That would be Ritual Humiliation Latex", Skeevo realized. "That's where Bryan got all the outfits he stuck our frat brothers in while we were...otherwise engaged."

"Yes, a remarkable story and a terrible ordeal", the founder said, shaking his head. "I only hope my increased allowance to the fraternity will begin to compensate." He looked to Eli, saying, "You did say you would prefer to get the red Ferrari, yes?"

"Or blue if you can't get the red", Eli beamed. Simms smiled, too. "I was the yellow."

Mr. Gummistein waved his hand as if to say it'd be no trouble. He glanced at Bryan and rubbed his chin. "Is our beloved Butt Monkey's mascot uniform of latex? It doesn't appear to be."

Skeevo shrugged. "Standard cotton/polyester blend. But considering, we were happy to make due with what we could get. Theatricks costume shop. Awesome people there."

"The transformation is nothing short of remarkable, gentlemen, I grant you that. I have never in all the time he's been with us seen Bryan so...docile."

Bryan let out a couple piercing "Chee! Chee!"s and hit himself lightly on the head with his loose palms.

"Well, all things being relative", Mr. Gummistein said. "But tell me, gentlemen, Brother Xander, Brother Skeevo, how on earth did you manage this transmogrification?"

The two buddies exchanged nervous glances and made awkward gestures in an obvious attempt to dance around the truth that they had crammed a synthetic gay banana up the upstart's bum.

Mr. Gummistein clucked his tongue. "Oh, come-come, my dear fellows. I have been all over the world, I have seen a great deal of things not dreamt of in our philosophy, to paraphrase the Bard. I very much doubt any method which you could devise will shock me, no offense to you. I am simply curious to learn what method you employed to such success where so many other educators and counselors failed."

Xander and Skeevo shared another one of their famous looks and then shrugged. Xander gestured to Benji. "Benjamin, if you could direct our good founder to the secret of our Butt Monkey." Benji gleefully leapt toward Bryan and grabbed up his costume tail, gestured like a game show hostess, and began to open his mouth. "WithOUT the commentary, Benj", Xander said forcefully.

Benji winced a little. "Oh. Um." He pointed at the monkey's tail, then curled his index finger inward to draw Mr. Gummistein over for his inspection. "It's down here." He pointed again at Bryan's behind.

The founder strode regally around Bryan as Benji effortlessly bent him over. There was the harsh tearing sound of Velcro as Benji peeled back the tail-flap. The founder leaned forward and stared passively as the group looked on, the room now quiet enough to hear the gentle, steady sucking and pumping sounds coming from Bryan's rear. The founder stood up straight and paused for a moment. With absolutely no change in vocal inflection, he spoke. "I stand corrected." Benji dropped the flap.

As the excitement of the founder's visit wound down, most of the boys scattered to where they had been previously around the house, a few lingered nearby. Xander and Skeevo saw Mr. Gummistein to the door. The founder watched with interest as the three football players left the room. "Honorary membership to select attractive straight boys", he mused quietly. "Damn fine idea. Shame I never thought of it." His expression then became more serious, as he announced, "I would like to take Bryan with me. I am currently undertaking a project of funding an experimental fraternity designed exclusively for troublemakers like my grandson--in the interests of turning them around. Having him on hand would provide a splendid deterrent to any uprisings."

"Another branch of Rho Upsilon?", Xander inquired.

"I'd like to call it Lambda Alpha Tau Epsilon Chi. Recalling of course that Chi works as the Greek equivalent of our 'X'."

"Yeah, we get it", Skeevo said, rolling his eyes a bit.

"I must admit to one puzzlement", Mr. Gummistein pondered, "with that ingenious little banana of yours so firmly in place, how does our primate Bryan...well, relieve himself?"

Xander blanched at the question, and Skeevo made a waving motion with his hands. "Oh, I cannot begin to describe how you do NOT want the details of that one."

Mr. Gummistein pursed his lips, his brow furrowed in consideration. Then, "Fair enough." The founder snapped his fingers, saying, "Butt Monkey?" Bryan came chittering over to his grandfather's side, a look of the sheerest brainless stupidity on his face. The grandfather looked down at the hunched-over form of his brightly smiling grandson. After a moment of silent study, he actually patted Bryan on the head. At the approving contact, Bryan chittered happily, emitting a few delighted "Ook-ooks" for good measure. Mr. Gummistein looked back to Xander and Skeevo, remarking, "You know, I think I rather prefer him this way." Xander stuffed his hands in his pockets, and shrugged, grinning.

Once again, Mr. Gummistein snapped his fingers, turning to the door to leave, making a quick jab forward with his index finger. Butt Monkey Bryan got the message, and happily hopped along behind his master. Two of the young frat brothers grabbed the double-doors and opened them for the founder's exit. He nodded in acknowledgement.

Xander and Skeevo watched as the dignified fraternity founder strode proudly to his car, accompanied by the ridiculously costumed, capering butt monkey that had formerly been his grandson.

"Y'know", Xander mused aloud, "this does leave us with the dilemma of what to do about a new fraternity mascot."

"True", Skeevo agreed.

Xander turned to his best friend. "I was thinking about something along the lines of a big python."

"A python. Really."

"Yeah, sure. Then we can get it, like, a really big pair of pants to wear. That way it can be a trouser sna--"

Skeevo cut him off before he could finish. "You complete that sentence and I will run right upstairs and make a new banana just for you, man."

"Okay then", Xander offered. "How about a woodpecker? I mean, arousal is sometimes termed as 'sportin' wood' and everyone knows that another name for your thingie is your peck--"

Skeevo scrunched his brow. "And I'm friends with you--why, again?"

And with that, the two frat masters rejoined their brethren.