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Subject: {ASSM} Lesbian Lost and Lost Lesbian (human only, caution) TBD
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Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:10:03 -0400
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    Lesbian Lost version 1 (as originally posted for comments)
    ---

    This story has been wandering around in my hopper for years. It's
not complete yet and there is one major reason and several minor ones
for it ending where it does, for now.

    I've never felt comfortable doing FF scenes, let alone setting up
a situation in which a long time lesbian questions her sexuality and
is willing to try having a sexual relationship with a man. Because of
that and some other reasons, this one 'died' when I hit the first sex
scene.

    However, I really would like to find an acceptable way to move
this one forward--and out of my hopper.

    Thanks for any comments and suggestions you wish to share.
    ----


    les-bi conversion

    Lesbian Lost (working title)
    ---

    I was busy trying to get my burrito unwrapped so I wasn't really
aware of what Shannon was saying until she stuck in a quiet "take me
to bed".

    We'd been talking about her home life and her voice was matter of
fact so I 'heard' "take me home" and responded with an automatic "Ok."

    She lightly touched my arm. "Thanks. I've never been with a man
before."

    At that point I reacted with my usual male brilliance. "Huh? What
does that have to do with... Oh. You said 'bed', not 'home'."

    She blushed.

    "Shannon? I know you've been a lesbian all your life." She nodded.
I turned away from her and sighed. "I'm looking for the right words."
I didn't feel very comfortable about facing her. I was afraid my eyes
would tell her of my shock and confusion rather than my very real
concern for our friendship. "I guess the only ones that makes sense
right now are: 'I don't understand'."

    "Do you need to understand before you can fuck me?" I heard honest
curiousity.

    I shook my head. "No. Not really. It's just that I've never
thought of you as a sex partner since the day you told me are a
lesbian. You said you wanted friendship. You made it very clear that
sex with a man wasn't in your future. Ever. Now you hit me with this."

    There was a long silence. I had time to eat my food and wonder if
she was upset with me for hesitating.

    "Feel like spending some time at my place?" I tried to keep my
question neutral.

    "Sure."

    When we pulled into my driveway, she leaned over and gently
squeezed my arm. There was something more than the usual friendship
involved and I flinched.

    "Tom?"

    "Yes?"

    "I don't think of you as a 'man'. You're my friend. A close
friend. I make love with my close friends."

    "Now I'm really confused." I shrugged. "There's nothing new about
that." I looked at her and smiled wryly. "This has to be the strangest
seduction I've ever been involved in."

    She laughed. "Me, too."

    * * *

    We raided my fridge for a couple of soft drinks and then settled
in the den. I sprawled on the couch and closed my eyes as I tried to
come to terms with how Shannon wanted to change our relationship.

    "Tom?" I could hear the tentativeness in her voice. "Look at me.
Please."

    I opened my eyes to see her standing next to the couch. She was
naked. I didn't see anything unusual about that and I told her so.

    "No. Really look at me. If you didn't know I was a lesbian, would
you want to make the effort to seduce me so we could fuck each other?"
He smile was a bit bitter. "I know *other* men want between my legs.
What about you?"

    I sat up and studied her eyes before I let my gaze wander her
body. I had to force myself to see her as a *woman* instead of the
*friend* I had known for so many years.

    I think it was the first time I had looked at her as a woman since
she had told me she was a lesbian. Once I had learned of her
preferences I had ignored her as a 'female' and consciously forced
myself to treat her as a friend rather than a possible sex partner.
Eventually that action became a habit. Over the years, habit had
become indifference.

    With her simple words, she forced me to re-evaluate her and the
way I viewed her.

    She wasn't 'beautiful' in the classic sense but she *was* female
and woman in the way I generally liked my partners. Average breasts,
slightly sagging due to her age. Her body was firm and also had a look
that spoke of being comfortable with herself. The area at the junction
of her legs was covered with hair and while it looked 'well used', it
didn't have that look I had come to associate with women who got
screwed by men on a regular basis.

    I returned to watching her eyes. "Not 'beautiful'." She stiffened
and I hurried on. "Very lovable. A woman I could learn to see as a
lover as well as a friend."

    She nodded slowly at that qualification. "Do you want to?"

    I closed my eyes in pain and then nodded slowly. "Yes. No. I'm
scared. Not if it means losing one of my closest friends." I opened my
eyes and let them wander her body again.

    "I find you fuckable. If that's what you want, I can do it. It's
been a long time since I did a 'mercy fuck'. Somehow I think that's
not what you want. If I try to do more, if I try to love you, will you
try to return that love?"

    "Blunt, aren't you?" She was smiling slightly.

    "You aren't?" She blushed at my quick retort. Before she could say
anything else, I answered her question. "Always have been. You know
that."

    She settled on the couch and I automatically put my arm around
her. We shifted around until we were both comfortable. Once settled,
she went on as if we had never paused.

    "I already love you. I think it started when you convinced me that
you could ignore me as a woman and not do the usual man-woman stuff. I
don't expect you to understand how nice it has been to be around a man
I know won't pester me."

    "I picked you because I trust you. I need to find out something."

    I recognized her mood so I kept silent.

    "This isn't easy for me to accept about myself. Darlene is upset
because of it but figures it's a phase I'm going through. She blames
you for it. In a way, I see her point. She thinks you deliberately
seduced me. She thinks you set out to fill me with inner doubts. She's
confident that once I have sex with a man and find out the truth, I'll
settle back into my old ways."

    She took a deep breath. "I'll understand if you feel like I'm
using you - because I am. I want to know what I've been 'missing' all
these years so I can decide if I want to stay a lesbian or not."

    "I'm not typical."

    "I know. You're the type of man I feel comfortable fantasizing
about. I know you, trust you... For the first time in my life I want
reality."

    She took a deep breath and whispered. "You already know I'm a
virgin when it comes to being with a man. I'm scared and nervous, but
I'm ready. Please be gentle."

    There it was. A situation I never dreamed of. Both of us led
active sex lives. Both of us had experience. Yet, in a very real
sense, both of us were virgins. I didn't bother trying to find out if
she realized what kind of burden she was asking me to take on. I was
experienced with women but she had never been sexually involved with a
man. She had no idea about what happened during heterosexual sex. I
didn't doubt that she had an intellectual awareness of the mechanics.
That wouldn't prepare her for the physical and emotional experience.
She was going to make a life defining decision based on what happened
when we fucked each other.

    It was wrong but how could I tell her that? Oh, the sex wasn't
wrong. Neither was the decision when I thought about it. It was all
too human.

    "Promise me something. Promise me that you'll go with the flow and
not think about making a decision for at least a month or two. I'm not
asking you to be exclusive with me. I'm asking for a fair chance. One
sex act doesn't give us a chance to work to a comfortable
relationship. The first time is going to be damn awkward for both of
us. We need time to work past that awkwardness."

    I wondered if she could figure out what I was trying to explain.
Sex is sex but if it is worked into a caring relationship, it has the
potential to become more than the fitting together of bodies for
pleasure. There was also the undeniable fact that I knew damn well
that it was unlikely the first time would be anywhere near as
satisfying as she was used to.

    She sighed. "I wanted to just have you fuck me so I could see what
it felt like. I never thought past the sensations. You're right
though. In every relationship I've been in, we had to work past that
initial awkwardness. I've never judged a woman based on one sexual
encounter. I was going to judge all men that way. You and they don't
deserve that sort of treatment."

    She sagged against me. "I'm sorry. I never tried to see your
side."

    "Forgiven."

    How was I going to get us from this mood to something more
intimate?

    "Let's take a shower." I stood up and casually started removing my
clothing. When I got my shorts off, it was obvious I wasn't hard. I
smiled slightly. "Shall we make it more personal and intimate than
usual?"

    I was rewarded with a blush as she focussed on my crotch. I could
feel myself getting aroused as I finally accepted the situation. Let's
face it, I certainly wasn't the type of man who could ignore a woman
once he was convinced that she wanted him to fuck her.

    She raised her eyes to meet mine. "Why not?" Her touch was
tentative when she lightly brushed her fingers along my penis.
"Darlene and I shower together all the time. Sometimes we forget about
the soap."

    I held out my hand and when she grasped it I pulled her up and
into an embrace. It wasn't our first kiss but in a way it was.
Tentative, exploring, newly tender as we sought for something more
than the friendship we were used to, it quickly turned into something
that seemed to release a pent up hunger for each other that we had
shared without being aware that it was there.

    * * *

    &&& Author's notes:

    I'd like to continue this one and will greatly appreciate any
advice and suggestions on ways to make the sex scenes believable in
this context. Where should I take it? Currently I favor having Shannon
discover that she's still comfortable with being in a lesbian
relationship but also accpts that she does enjoy hetero sex with her
friend and wants to keep her options open so she can 'enhance' her
friendship by keeping sex with him as an option whenever she feels
things are right for it.

    Which feels right? She and Darlene work things out and it becomes
a threesome? She finds a new partner? Darlene leaves her and she stays
in a het relationship until she finds a new lesbian partner?

    Other options?

    Any help and suggestions on how to move this story forward will be
appreciated.
    ---

    End abandoned work: 'Lesbian Lost' 
~~~

After posting the first version and getting some feedback, I rethought
the story quite a bit.

What follows is the result of that rethinking.
---

    Lost Lesbian
    version 2
    ---

    {Shannon}

    Lunch.

    A very, very, late, lunch.

    Damn that idiot. A meaningless meeting that went into
overtime--and the coffee and donuts had been tasteless, along with his
empty mouthings about solidarity and company spirit.

    So I sat, perched on a stool that I knew exposed me to the casual
view and ribald comments of men on the make.

    'Damnit! I don't need this!'

    A light touch on my shoulder jerked me out of my reveries. "Excuse
me, is this stool taken?"

    I glared. "No. I'm not interested."

    Something changed in his eyes. There was quickly suppressed hurt
that was followed by something else I couldn't figure out, then oddly,
they filled with laughter. "I'm not either. Mind if I get my lunch, if
I promise to ignore you? By the way, Kathy agrees with you. Steve's a
jerk and never should have been promoted."

    My retort about being ignored died on my lips. Kathy was my only
friend. She'd never mentioned that she had talked to anyone,
especially a man, enough that they'd recognize me. Then it hit me.
This must be Robert, her current lover.

    I know I gaped at him but I couldn't help myself.

    He nodded at my silence, settled on the stool and ordered his
lunch. Once he'd done that, he turned slightly, putting his back
between us.

    We finished our lunches in silence. Not once did he look my way.

    It hurt when I realized I hated being ignored, more than I hated
the clumsy attempts at seduction I was used to.

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    I was reaching for the phone when the knocking caught my
attention. 'He's early.' I aborted the call and went to the door
instead.

    I glanced at the hall mirror on the way by and noticed I was still
wearing my 'Secretary to the Big Shots' look.

    It didn't matter. Robert had seen it before. In fact, one morning
after he'd calmed me down when I'd had an unusually angry tantrum,
he'd watched me get dressed, then he'd teased me about how severe I
looked. That's when he'd named it.

    I'd shared his comments and now it was a shared joke amongst the
entire staff.

    I opened the door, reached to pull him in, then closed if and
leaned against the wall while wrapping him in a passionate 'I need you
now, Love', hug.

    His nuzzle felt nice. His lips on mine felt even better. When his
hands moved from behind my neck to my sides, I nearly lost it.

    "Robert. Robert. RobertRobertRobert..." I was all over him and I
didn't care.

    I felt his lips push against my ear and then he blew past it with
a gentle breath... "I knew the meeting was bad, but not that bad."

    'What?' I froze, then pushed him away slightly so our eyes could
meet. "I was getting ready to call when you knocked."

    A finger touched my nose, then moved to trace my lips. "I ran into
Shannon, accidentally. Only stool available at the cafe was next to
her. Nearly got my head handed to me. You've always told me she was
prickly. I didn't expect a Vorpal Sword."

    His eyes showed his surprised hurt. "Next time, warn me better,
huh? Anyway, we ignored each other while we ate our lunches, and that
was it."

    His finger moved to my nose again. "Didn't take much thought to
realize Steve put you all through Hell, again."

    We went back to nuzzling and I thought about his words. There was
something he wasn't saying but I couldn't figure out how to ask it
without betraying a trust.

    Shannon's trust.

    * * *

    {Robert}

    That evening, over dinner, I studied Kathy.

    The only problem was, that all I could see was Shannon.

    "Kat?"

    "What, Dear?"

    "It's Shannon. How jealous are you going to get, if I try to talk
to her as a friend?"

    "Umm. That sword you mentioned? It's pretty sharp."

    I laughed. "And yours wasn't?"

    She blushed slightly but managed to get it under control. "Point.
She doesn't have many friends. I... I can't help you this time. Wish I
could."

    I sighed. "I won't ask you to betray her trust. I don't need to."

    She studied me for awhile, then we finished eating in silence.

    I helped her with the dishes, then we settled on the couch.

    She snuggled, and spoke very softly. "In three months, after we
get married, I'll expect to be able to say 'no', and have you honor
it. That's how long you have."

    I kissed her tenderly. "Thanks, Kat. I'll know long before then."

    * * *

    {Shannon}

    Two days after Robert ignored me, he spotted me and came over to
stand off to one side, without reaching. "Sorry, Shannon. I should
have told you I'm Robert, and that since Kathy and I are getting
married soon, I'm not hunting. I was just doing the courteous thing,
in case you were saving the stool."

    Then he turned and walked away.

    I watched him until he got lost in the crowd of bodies, then I
sighed while wondering if he had any motives for seeking me out.

    I had to admit to myself, reluctantly, that if he was hunting, it
wasn't for anything more than friendship.

    When she talked about him, Kathy gushed, even when he'd done
something exasperating.

    There was only one thing to do, and that was confront her about
it.

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    Shannon cornered me a few days after I'd given Robert permission
to try for friendship with her.

    "Ok, Kathy. What the fuck are the two of you trying to do to me?"

    I sighed. "I'm not doing anything, unless you count giving Robert
until the wedding to try and be your friend. No. That's wrong. I think
he already thinks of himself as your friend."

    She laughed. "You're kidding! You know how I feel about men!"

    "Of course I do, because I felt the same way, remember?"

    Her eyes softened. "Yes, I *do* remember."

    She suddenly stiffened and studied me thoughtfully. "So you're not
helping?"

    "No. The two of you are on your own, for three months. After the
wedding, I'll call him off, if you want me to, or if you haven't
managed to chill him out of your life by then. Just remember, once
we're married, he's part of the package. I won't hide from him."

    She sighed. "You don't hide from him now. You think he wants me
there as part of a threesome?"

    "He might. I don't."

    "Thanks, Kathy. I'd better get back to work."

    * * *

    {Shannon}

    A few days later I confronted Robert in the dive most of us used
to get our lunches. "That stool saved?"

    He didn't bother looking up. "For you, if you want it."

    I settled gingerly, then studied him while I waited for my food.
"Sounds like you've been expecting this."

    He finished his bite, then faced me. "I talk to Kat, too. I don't
want you there as part of a threesome, I want to give you a chance to
be comfortable with the idea that I'm not going to ask her to shut you
out of her sex life after we get married, and because of that, I want
you comfortable with telling me you want to spend time with her,
alone."

    Then he stood up. "Now, you'll have to excuse me, I need to get
back to work."

    He walked off, leaving me to seethe quietly while I ate my food.

    Later, I managed to get a few minutes so I could corner Kathy.
"What the fuck is Robert doing?"

    "What did he do?"

    "Flat told me he doesn't want me there as part of a threesome,
then said something about wanting me comfortable with *telling* him I
wanted some private time with you, for sex, after you two get
married."

    She smiled so slightly I almost missed it. "Then?"

    "He excused himself and left before I could say anything. Said he
had to get back to work."

    "Some sort of major project going on in his division. That's all I
know, so don't ask."

    "Huh! You're not helping, you're hindering!"

    "Maybe. All you have to do is find a way to chill him, and he'll
leave you alone."

    "Friends, huh?"

    "That's all he wants. We talked it over before I agreed to marry
him. He knows you and I are a package deal, unless you walk away on
your own."

    "Kat, that's too honest, even for you. You know I can't walk away
from you."

    "I do. I don't plan on walking away, either, and I would have
walked away from Robert, if he'd even hinted he would be happier if I
did."

    "Would you walk away from Robert if I asked you to?"

    "No. I won't lie to him about it, either."

    "Makes it tough."

    "True. All yours to solve, too."

    "Huh. Yeah. I see that much. I better get back to work."

    * * *

    {Robert}

    Shannon settled next to me without asking. "Would you leave her if
I asked you to?"

    "No."

    "Would you leave on your own?"

    "If I believed it was the best thing to do, for her, yes. I
don't."

    "What the fuck do you want from me, then?!"

    He finally faced me, and let me see... Misery? "I want you to
accept my place in Kathy's life enough that I won't have to
deliberately leave my own home, every time you want to see her, after
we get married. Next time you talk to her, ask her how she feels about
*that*."

    "You two really do share everything, don't you.?"

    "Yes. Next time you confide in her, think about what that's going
to do to *her*, instead of worrying about yourself and your *hatred*
of men!"

    I shuddered, then sighed. My nod was short, and I left my head
lowered when I managed to whisper my question. "Friendship, huh?"

    "That's probably too much for any man to ask for, even me. I'll
settle for distant tolerance, enough that I won't have to walk out on
my wife, before her other lover shows up to be comforted."

    "Cold man."

    "This, from the woman everyone calls the 'Ice Queen'? I'll
consider that a compliment, since you're the expert. Keep in mind
though, that if I'm that cold, you're going to have a harder time
chilling me out than you would a normal guy who wants your body."

    "That hurt, Robert. I won't deny it, though. Thanks for being...
Honest about it."

    "Enjoy your lunch."

    "Thanks. I'll... try."

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    Robert and I made love, then we moved to the couch to share the
afterglow.

    After I snuggled into him, I giggled. "Whatever you're doing, it's
working."

    "I'm acting like her friend."

    "Uh huh. Sure you are. She told me you'd leave me if you decided
it was best for me."

    "We've been there."

    "Didn't you tell her we'd talk about it first?"

    "No. I think it's too soon for her to hear something like that."

    "Maybe you're right. Lot different than how you seduced me."

    "I don't know what happened, but it's obvious she's been hurt more
than once, deliberately. Casual hurts don't make such a strong woman
so... Prickly and defensive'."

    "I sayeth not. I also know that's an answer. It's the only one I
can give."

    "I'm not seducing her, Love. I told her I'd settle for distant
tolerance, so I don't have to leave my own home before she shows up."

    I sighed. "You left out calling her selfish and insensitive."

    "Better I tell her, than you. After all, I'm only a man. I can't
be expected to know about the right way to say those things."

    "Huh!. Well, it's working. She's admitted she's confused, so she's
seeing you as a person, finally. That's more progress than anyone
else, including me, has ever made."

    "Thanks. Sorry for being so hard on her, but I'm working to a time
limit."

    "You have eleven weeks left."

    "I'll keep that in mind."

    * * *

    {Shannon}

    It was Friday, so Robert was in a booth when I spotted him.
Instead of asking, I settled across from him and ordered my lunch.

    After the waitress left, I studied him carefully, and realized he
was smiling so slightly it barely lifted his lips.

    "Yeah? You got some sort of problem?"

    "If I had to guess, the Ice Queen just got done deliberately
looking for a man. What will it be this time? Going to try and chill
me, or do you want to try communicating about our mutual problem?"

    "Do you *really* want me here?"

    "Tough call, Shannon. I'm glad, of course, but at the same time, I
feel like we should have had this happen at the beginning, when Kat
decided she wanted me in her life as one of her lovers. Yeah... I
*really* want you here, ok?"

    My food arrived, and I used it as an excuse to avoid talking, but,
eventually I was done eating, and I had to face him again. Instead of
getting up, I forced myself to stay seated. "Ok. Would you please tell
me what the fuck you think you're trying to do? Kat told me you might
already think of yourself as my friend, but I can't buy that. It's too
simple a reason to justify everything you've done so far, for
starters."

    He watched me in silence, until I couldn't stop myself from
raising my chin slightly, then he nodded. "I don't see you as a
lesbian I might be able to 'convert'. I see you as 'Shannon, the most
important person in my future wife's life.' "

    "What about you? You're pretty important to her, now."

    "Not as important as you are. She and I had this talk a long time
ago."

    I grudged him an honest answer. "We finally had it a few days ago,
and she said the same thing, that she'd leave you before she leaves
me. Yet, she's going to marry *you*."

    "Would you believe me if I told you the answer to that?"

    "Probably not."

    "If Kathy tells you, again? Might hurt, a lot."

    "Again?"

    He shrugged. "Again. It's been a long time, so I can understand
you wanting to forget it."

    I winced. "You really are trying to be a friend, of sorts, aren't
you? Doesn't feel that way. More like you're pushing every hate button
I have."

    "Do you have any usable care buttons, when a man is involved?"

    "No. I get your point. Yes, I'll believe her. Maybe this time,
I'll be ready to hear it and remember it, no matter how much it
hurts."

    Instead of answering me directly, he got his cell out and made a
call.

    "Hi, Love. Yes, I know. Shannon and I are having lunch together.

    "What? Oh. Yes. I agree."

    Then he stunned me.

    "Shannon just said she needs you to herself, so I'll see you after
she's finished with you.

    "Right. Hugs and snuggles. See you next week if you don't call
before then."

    Then he hung up, stood, and smiled at me. "Enjoy yourselves, ok?
Appreciate it if you remember to ask her those questions. See you
Monday over lunch?"

    I finally realized he was waiting for my answer, and I nodded
jerkily. "No promises, ok? Seeing me isn't talking to me."

    "Fair enough."

    He walked away without questioning me, or looking back.

    * * *

    {Shannon}

    "Kat?"

    "What is it, Love?"

    "How'd he know I was going to tell him I wanted to see you for the
weekend? I never hinted a thing, then suddenly, he called you and set
it all up."

    She hugged me and giggled. "You're predictable. When you're
feeling confused or hurt, within a few days, you always seek me out."

    Then she held me off slightly, looked at me for awhile, then
nodded, as if she was confirming something for herself. "Did you ask
him what he agreed about?"

    "He didn't give me a chance to ask him. I was still recovering
from the surprise of how relaxed he was about letting go of you for
the weekend, when he got up and left."

    "I see, I think."

    "Oh?"

    "Yes. He agreed with me when I said you must have questions only I
can answer."

    I blushed, then recovered and sighed. "Something else that was
obvious, I suppose?"

    "Only to someone who has taken the time to get to know you."

    "But we've never met before the last week!"

    "Robert knows *me* and because of that, he knows the kind of
person you must be, for me to be as serious about you as I am."

    "I thought... That sort of stuff is something only women are able
to do."

    "Anyone can learn how to do it."

    "If you say so, and I guess I have to accept that somehow, Robert
knew how to read me better than I expected."

    She kissed me, then we snuggled. "You had some questions?"

    "One big one. You love me more than you do Robert, but you're
marrying him. How'd you manage to justify that to yourself? He said
you'd told me before, a long time ago, but he wasn't surprised I'd
forgotten the answer."

    She shivered, and I held her until the shakes stopped. She sighed
and seemed to withdraw into herself, then she seemed to come back and
focus on me again.

    "Hon, he drew me out of my shell by taking almost two years to
convince me he saw me as 'Kathy', a real person, and not as some image
based on a label, like 'lesbian, or worse, 'woman'. He fits himself to
me, and when I change, he embraces those changes. He even changes
himself if he feels he should. How could I *not* want to make sure a
person like that was part of the rest of our lives?"

    "Our lives?"

    "Of course."

    "What about me? Don't I have a say in this?"

    "Have I ever denied you the right to decide who you allow into
your life?"

    "No."

    "Well?"

    "I don't want to lose you."

    "Am I trying to drive you away? Is Robert?"

    I shivered, and then couldn't stop my distraught wail: "What is it
you two want from me?!"

    "Honesty. With us, but mostly with yourself, about how the three
of us should deal with the inevitable changes in our lives.

    "You have eleven weeks to decide if you don't want your part to
change in any way, and if that's what you decide, things will go on as
they always have, except you'll know how much emotional pain it causes
Robert and me, for him to leave his own home, so you and I can be
together."

    "Do you really mean it, about accepting whatever I decide?"

    "Yes."

    "Will Robert?"

    "In eleven weeks, he will."

    "In the meantime?"

    "He'll take all the hatred you want to throw at him. Not quietly,
he's only human. He'll give some of it back, if he hasn't already."

    "I've had a couple samples of that. Hard to believe it was the
same man you gush about."

    "Was he obviously hurt by something you did, when he opened up?"

    "I guess so. But he hurt me first."

    "No, he didn't."

    "Huh? Greeting me by calling me 'The Ice Queen', isn't hurting
me?"

    "Who is it who has spent the last several years refusing to talk
to him, or even try to do the common courtesy of thanking him, in
person, for being willing to walk away from his future wife, just so
you don't have to deal with a man? You've hurt him, and *me*, so many
times we long ago quit keeping track."

    "That's... How come you never told me?"

    "I gave up trying to get you to see *any* man as a person in their
own right, years before I met Robert. As far as I was concerned,
getting you to see how much you were hurting me at the same time, was
a waste of time, so I learned to live with your attitude."

    "Why now?"

    "Robert's idea, not mine. If I'm understanding what he tried to
tell me, he still thinks he can find a way to get you to see him as
himself, instead of fit him into your distorted view of 'men'."

    "He confuses me."

    "Good! I'd prefer to hear 'I told you so!', instead of say it."

    "What? Now you're confusing me!"

    "If you're letting us confuse you, it means you're trying to see
us as ourselves, and not force us to fit whatever label you want to
use when you think about us. It's a definite improvement."

    "From your viewpoint. What about from mine?"

    "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life hating half the
world, just because they have a prick and most of them are physically
stronger than you'll ever be?"

    "No, and you know I don't want to be this way."

    "So, suck it up and join the fight for the next eleven weeks, then
let us know how you feel, when you get to stand in front of the world
and agree to share me with Robert."

    "That's what hurt the most, when you asked me to give you away to
him."

    "Your words, not mine. I asked you if you'd stand in for the
family I no longer have, and do the symbolic 'giving away The Bride'.
The three of us will know the truth about the sharing, and that's all
that matters."

    She studied me when I stayed silent, then giggled and shifted so
she could kiss my breasts. "Enough of that. Time to *do*, instead of
*talk*."

    * * *

    {Robert}

    I was settled and eating my usual sandwich when Shannon tapped my
shoulder. "Thanks for this weekend, Robert."

    I turned slightly, raised my eyebrows when she nodded, and smiled
just enough to let her know it was a smile. "Welcome. You ok?"

    "Not completely. Kathy helped me twist my head away from looking
backwards. Only looking sideways, now. Neck hurts too much to think
about trying for looking ahead."

    I studied her, then nodded. "And?"

    "I don't know anything except she hurts because of me, and I want
it to stop."

    "What about me?"

    "I don't give a damn how you feel, Robert."

    "Progress. I'll take it. More?"

    "Meet me after work, and Dutch treat at Maxine's, so we can talk?"

    "With or without Kat?"

    "Without, this time. She knows what I want to do."

    "Done, then. See you in the lobby after work. I might be late.
Don't think so, but this damn project they have us on wasn't planned
well."

    She smiled hungrily. "Can you lay it at Steve's feet?"

    I laughed. "No. Wish we could. Rumor mill says he's only got a
couple more chances before he gets the big choice."

    "Oh?"

    "Yeah. Quit and lose all his benefits, or get shown the
door--without benefits."

    She sighed. "Let's hope it's soon. I'll wait if you're late."

    "I'll do the same for you."

    She nodded again, and walked away.

    I didn't bother tracking her, just turned back and finished my
lunch while I wondered what would happen later.

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    Robert called me during our afternoon break.

    "You ok with what Shannon wants to do?"

    "Maxine's?"

    "Yeah. Without you."

    "Maxine's was my idea. Neutral territory."

    He laughed. "Familiar, not neutral, Love."

    "I should have said she feels safest there."

    "Got it. Who do you want to hear from first, after?"

    I sighed. "Shannon."

    "No problem. One more question."

    "Go."

    "Shannon told me she wants you to stop hurting, and that she
doesn't give a damn about how I feel."

    "No change there."

    "Yes, there is. She told me, not you, this time."

    "Oh. Call me blind and hand me my cane. What's the question?"

    "How do you feel about Shannon, and me?"

    He'd managed to render me briefly speechless. "I..." I took a deep
breath. "I love you both. Robert. But, if someone has to be hurting
when this is all over, you, not her."

    "Got it. Didn't expect that to change. Thanks. I won't call until
she tells me she's talked to you. Bye, Love."

    "Not goodbye. Until next time."

    "My oops. Til then, Kat, Love."

    I hung up the phone and stared at my shaking hand, then sighed and
leaned back to get my thoughts in order before I went back to work.

    * * *

    {Shannon}

    Robert was waiting for me, and I managed a wry smile when I held
up the plastic rectangle I was carrying, so he could get a good look
at it.

    "What are you doing with a VIP card?"

    "On loan, from my sympathetic boss."

    "Sympathetic?"

    "He's tied into the grapevine better than I thought. Someone
relayed our lunch conversation."

    "Scary. Won't complain."

    I laughed at his carefully neutral tones. "It gets better. This
card says it all goes on his expense account."

    "He's nuts. You can tell him I said so. You ready for the walk?"

    "I'm ready."

    A few minutes later we were settled in a VIP privacy booth and
ordering our food.

    After the waiter left, I leaned back and studied Robert. "I
already told him he was nuts, when he gave me a pay raise this
afternoon."

    Robert was lifting his water glass, and he froze briefly, then
sipped before he leaned back. "I've met Kevin. Seemed a little stiff,
but fair about things. I can't picture him being impulsive, so that
means he had a reason, right? Never heard that he's the type to reward
a woman who flashes herself at him."

    I fought back my blush and nodded. "He called it a reason."

    "Oh? Do I get to know?"

    "He sounded smug, too. Patience rewarded and all that crap. Said
that now I was being a proper secretary, and not treating his male
clients, and him, as if they weren't people, he wanted to make sure
I'd keep working for him."

    Robert started to speak, stopped himself, then looked down while
he gently swirled his water.

    His lips moved slightly as if he wanted to grin, then he sort of
snorted and looked at me. "I haven't been there. Any truth in the
accusation?"

    "That I've changed?"

    "Uh huh."

    "I'm sitting here, talking to you--and not Kat."

    "Point. Think it will last?"

    It was my turn to swirl my water moodily. "I don't know. Didn't
know I'd changed that much already."

    "Kat know about the raise and... Everything?"

    "Not yet."

    "Kay. Oh. She said she wants to hear from you, first, after we're
done. I won't talk to her until you tell me you've talked to her. No
set time to check in."

    I nodded without looking at him. "Sounds like her... Umm... I
guess you know it isn't easy for me to say thanks to a man?"

    "Yeah. If you can't, you can't. Being here is all the thanks I
need, anyway."

    "Umm... Yeah. Ahh... Been a bitch the last few years, haven't I?"

    "Rude and insensitive. I refuse to insult bitches. Leave it at
that, for now."

    "If I don't?"

    "Mind if I wait until after the food is served?"

    "Ducking?"

    "Only until we can lock the booth for privacy. Grapevine is going
to be active enough, without what we say getting repeated."

    "You think it could happen?"

    "No. Just being corporate paranoid."

    "I concede the point. I can wait. You?"

    "I'll wait."

    We let the silence build. Eventually our food was served, and once
we were certain we wouldn't be interrupted, we started eating.

    Eventually I looked at him and shrugged. "Ok. Time to get serious,
I guess."

    "Your speed, tonight."

    "Later?"

    "Kathy gave me a time limit, but I don't think I'll have to do any
more pushing, unless you ask me to, now."

    "Until the wedding?"

    "Right. After that, will be up to you. Tell me to get out of my
own home, and I will, no arguments, or accusations."

    "I'm not stupid, Robert. If I go that far, I make all this
pointless, because I'll be hurting Kathy, just like I have been ever
since she decided to have you as her other lover. Longer, really, but
let's keep it simple and focused on what... We might be able to fix."

    He ate a few more bites, then nodded. "Fair enough. One more
thing. Whatever we discuss here, or do together from now on, stays
between us, unless you decide to share it with Kathy, as far as I'm
concerned."

    "Oh, no. You're not putting it all on me."

    "Only other choice is that we talk things over and both of us make
the decisions. You ready to trust a man that much?"

    "Can I trust you to keep our secrets from her?"

    "Will you believe me if I say yes?"

    "Did Kathy?"

    "No. Not right away."

    "How long?"

    "Most of that first year."

    "We don't have that kind of time, do we?"

    "I don't know."

    "I don't, either."

    We stayed silent while we finished eating, then we settled back
and studied each other until he must have decided the silence had gone
on long enough.

    All I knew was that I couldn't think of a good way to start, so
maybe I was hoping he'd figure one out.

    He did, but it wasn't one I expected.

    "Kathy ever tell you I offered to let her rape my asshole, if she
thought it would help her get over what happened to her? She had me
tied up, gagged, everything. Even had the strapon in place. Actually
had it part way started when she decided she couldn't do it. So, I'm
still a virgin, except for her sliding a couple fingers in to work me
once in awhile."

    He was so matter of fact and casual about it, it took me a few
seconds to accept what he was saying, after he shut up and started
watching me again.

    "She never told me. Was she supposed to?"

    "Telling you was an option either of us could do, and we don't
have to tell the other one we did it."

    "Why now?"

    He sighed, set his glass down carefully, then clasped his hands
together and I was amazed when I realized he'd done it to try and keep
them from shaking.

    "Kathy has never told me anything about what happened to you. Easy
to figure out that whatever it was, it happened more than once. You're
a strong person, Shannon. I think if it had been once, you would have
eventually gotten on with your life and not...

    "Spent so much of your time hating men. Any man, if he's really
one, can't help but realize you're hostile, and judge us all by what
happened in your past.

    "Anyway, that's not the answer I wanted to give you.

    "I'm telling you now, because I'm making you the same offer. Tie
me up, gag me, make me hurt, just don't do enough damage I can't go to
work on the next day I have to. Give me some warning, and I'll
schedule some of my vacation time to give myself a chance to recover,
and you the time to do it more than once, if you decide you want to.

    "I'm offering to let you get your revenge for what was done to
you, Shannon, and if you decide Kathy doesn't need to know, I won't
say a word. Best you do it before the wedding, though. Hiding it from
her will be easier."

    I must have blanked, or had a flashback, because the next thing I
remember about that dinner is looking down and seeing the remains of a
banana split.

    "Was that... Mine?"

    "Yes. You back, finally?"

    "I think so. What happened? I think you said you'd let me rape you
as much as I wanted to?"

    He nodded. "I did, but asked you to keep it to doing things that
would hurt me, but leave me able to go to work. I also said I could
schedule some time off, if you gave me enough warning. Then it was
time to order our deserts, and since you seemed lost in thought, I
remembered Kat saying you enjoyed banana splits, so I ordered one for
each of us when I had them clear the table."

    He looked at his watch briefly. "You've been out of it for about
two hours. It wasn't obvious, so I think I got away with saying you
were focused on something for work and I didn't want to disturb you,
or you'd probably lose your train of thought."

    "I think I'm remembering more. Didn't you say you'd made the same
offer for Kat, and she didn't go through with it?"

    "Yes."

    "And then... If I did what I've always wanted to do, you'd be in
the hospital or dead. No way to keep that secret from anyone, right?"

    "Point. Could you hold yourself back?"

    "No. But if Kathy was there, and told me to stop, I'm pretty sure
I would. If I didn't, she knows ways to stop me. She's..."

    I shuddered. "Right after we linked up, there were times I zoned
on her, and she had to figure out ways to stop me. I haven't done that
to her for years. If I was raping a man, though...

    "She'd *have* to be there, or I'd probably kill him. Only for her,
would I stop."

    He leaned back and must have thought about it before he leaned
forward to study me intently.

    Finally he barely smiled. "For you and Kathy, I'll take the risk,
if you decide you want to do it."

    I shivered again, this time at his sincerity. "You'd risk me
killing you, on the remote chance that when it was over, I could deal
with men as people, again?"

    "Yes."

    "Your death would devastate her."

    "I know. You?"

    "I'm already hurting her. I want it to stop, but not that way. If
I kill you, even accidentally, I might as well kill myself, and that
would hurt her even more...

    "No. Let's find another way."

    "I talked to her on my break this afternoon."

    "I figured you would."

    He laughed. "Good!

    "Anyway, remember when you told me you wanted to stop hurting
Kathy, but didn't give a damn about my feelings?"

    "I do, and... I don't think it's as true now as it was then.
Hurting you hurts Kathy."

    "Thanks. More progress. However, I asked her the same question and
she told me that if anyone is going to be hurting when all this is
over, it should be me, and not you."

    "What about her?"

    "I didn't ask, and she didn't say."

    "She didn't need to. I already know the answer. Solution, too,
just don't see how to get there from here. You?"

    "Same problem, with the added fact I don't know what I'm up
against. You're in bad enough shape, I'd rather not risk making it
worse for you."

    I studied him, then nodded. "A long time ago, I had men for my
friends. I know how it works. Not saying yes, not saying no, right
now. Give me some time. Think Kat will give us more time, if I ask for
it?"

    He thought about it, then smiled again. "Way I remember it, she
said she'd call me off after the wedding, if you wanted her to. Want
me to give you some breathing room?"

    "Please. I need to do some thinking, and probably talk things over
with her."

    He nodded. "Done. Let me know when and what I can tell her."

    "Might be awhile."

    "We halfway expected that."

    I took a deep breath. "I hate this... Tell her nothing, for now.
After the wedding, if I haven't mentioned it, remind me."

    "Fair enough. I won't change any of my habits, except I won't see
or talk to Kat until you say I can. You'd better decide if you want to
let her call me, though, and what is allowable between us if she
does."

    I sighed again. "I'll figure out something by tomorrow, I hope."

    I collected my purse and stood. "I'll deal with the paperwork on
all this, since it's my boss paying for it all, this time..."

    I held out my hand after he stood. "See you at lunch. I'll save a
stool if I get there first."

    He took my hand briefly. "And I'll save one for you, if I get
there first."

    "Thank you...

    "Robert."

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    Shannon's call came while I was sitting on the edge of my bed and
waking up after my alarm had gone off.

    "Morning, Kat. Had breakfast yet?"

    "You know I haven't. Barely up."

    "Good. Meet me at Maxine's for breakfast? Kevin's paying."

    "Kevin? Will he be there?"

    "No. Handed me his VIP card yesterday, and told me to put things
on his expense account until I was done."

    "What aren't you telling me?"

    "Grapevine told him what's been going on, and he's sympathetic."

    "More?"

    "Yes. He gave me a raise yesterday, for finally being the
secretary I should be, and treating men like they're people. Fed me a
line about wanting to make sure I stayed with him."

    I made a fast decision. "Be there as soon as I can. You know what
I eat. Order for me."

    "Thirty minutes?"

    "At least. How are you and Robert?"

    "He went home about nine thirty. I stayed. They were kind enough
to bring me a blanket and pillow, since things were slow."

    "I see, maybe. Will I find out after I get there?"

    "Part of it. I told Robert he's not supposed to tell you anything
yet. Haven't decided when it will be ok for him to call you. Can we
talk about that after you get here?"

    "Sooner you hang up, sooner we can talk, Love."

    "Hugs. See you soon, Hon."

    She hung up before I could respond, so I just held the handset and
studied it a little bemusedly, then set it on the cradle and sighed.
If I wanted to get there in thirty minutes, I couldn't dawdle.

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    Since Maxine's was within easy walking distance of our offices, I
decided to drive to work, park, and then walk the rest of the way.

    I parked, got the usual cheery greeting from the security guard on
my way out, and once I was far enough away, sighed and did what I knew
I was expected to do.

    I called Kevin's private number.

    "Hello, Kathy. Yes, I gave her the free use of my VIP card. Once
she's done with it, we'll go over the reciepts, and I expect most of
them will get repaid from my personal account. Anything else you need
to know?"

    I giggled. "Caller ID is wonderful, isn't it, Kevin?"

    "So's what you two are doing for Shannon. Word's already out, and
I understand some headhunters from other departments are looking for
excuses to get her off by herself. The raise was preventative, I
hope."

    "Should I tell her about the headhunters?"

    "Up to you. Umm... Unofficially, do you think she might bolt?"

    "She spent the night at Maxine's. I'm headed to see her now. She
sounded tense, but not ready to toss it all over to get away. I don't
think she's planning on going anywhere."

    "Thanks. That was my read when she talked to me yesterday.
Anything else?"

    "Just the usual. How much longer do we have to put up with Steve?
Any word I can pass on?"

    "Soon. Sorry it took this long. We had to find the right
replacement before we moved."

    "I understand, and thank you, from all of us."

    "You're welcome. Oh, when you talk to Robert, tell him that
problem they've been having will be corrected by the end of the week.
He'll know what I'm talking about."

    "Might be awhile before we talk to each other. Be better if you
have Shannon let him know."

    "Tell her to pass my message on as soon as possible. Both of you
are covered this morning, so take your time... No. I have a better
idea. Have a leisurely breakfast, then expect company around ten.
After that it will be work, and probably a working lunch if I can
break loose to join you."

    I laughed. "I was wondering if you'd get your pound of flesh back.
Daniel know you're going to be stealing me for the day?"

    "His idea. He can't be there, so you're acting as his
representative."

    "Bringing a briefing with you?"

    "Special courier. Should get it before nine."

    "Thanks, Kevin. We owe you."

    He laughed. "I'll be collecting, too. See you in a few hours, I
hope."

    He hung up, and I put my phone away, then smiled and wondered if
I'd ever see Kevin and Daniel surprised by something.

    Probably not.

    I was escorted to one of the VIP booths and after my coffee was
delivered, we were left to ourselves.

    "Morning, Shan. Kevin had a couple of messages for you."

    "Oh?"

    "Relax. We're to enjoy a leisurely breakfast until a courier gets
here with a package for me, then, about ten, I think, there's going to
be some sort of special meeting, with me as Dan's rep. Kevin hopes he
can break away and be here for a working lunch. He didn't say what it
was about. But, those aren't the messages, just a heads up, that we're
going to pay for his benevolence."

    "Sounds like Kevin. You're trying to hide a grin, so you must have
some good news."

    "Steve will be out, soon. They took this long to find his
replacement."

    "Good!"

    "As soon as you can, tell Robert that the problem they've been
having will be fixed by the end of the week. Kevin said he'd know what
you're talking about."

    "I guess I can do that while you're catching up on your reading.
Anything else?"

    "Umm... I don't have to tell you this, but it's too good to keep
inside. Kevin said the word's out, and the interdepartmental
headhunters are lining up and scheming to get you away from him. I
stuck my neck out and told him you weren't planning to bolt."

    "Headhunters? Me? Are you two nuts?!"

    "Ever know Kevin to miss a call like that?"

    "No. I'm comfortable right where I am, and he probably knows it. I
bet he's already leaked the details of that raise, just to make 'em
grind their teeth about what they'll have to offer me. Good for him.
Maybe he can convert his gratitude to some sort of bonus, later. Tell
him I'm not greedy, next time you talk to him."

    I laughed. "I suppose you realize that he can't give you another
pay raise unless he promotes you at the same time?"

    "Where would he... No! I'll... Oh, Hell, Kat. Convince him that
I'm not the right type to be his personal EA. Leave me where I am. I
get along with that roomful of cats, and they listen to me, most of
the time. That's all the responsibility I want, these days, and since
it's unofficial, I can get away with things I couldn't do if I had a
title to go with the authority."

    "Like being an unofficial liason to Robert's department, and to
Daniel, through me. Relax. He and Daniel don't fix things that aren't
broken."

    "True. Gods... I had visions of needing to be polite to all those
idiot men who think a secretary should be an object they can paw at
will. Anything else?"

    "That's it. Let's eat, and you can tell me what went on between
you and Robert, last night."

    "Umm... A lot, I think."

    "You think.? Shoud we eat, then get on the same side of the
table?"

    "Sounds like a good plan."

    * * *

    {Robert}

    The summons to the lair was waiting for me when I got to work:
'Conference room three, as soon as you get here.'

    There was no signature on it, but it didn't need one, since it was
handwritten and I recognized the style.

    Daniel was up to something.

    When I got there, the door was open, so I made myself visible.
"Sir?"

    Kevin looked up and smiled. "Come in and close the door, then
relax. You're not on the carpet. Just the oppposite. You've earned our
thanks for what you've done already, with Shannon, and that cluster
fuck they call a planned project, in your department."

    I closed the door, then turned back to study them thoughtfully.
"Now what?"

    He gestured at a serving cart. "Now, you grab whatever you want,
then settle and relax."

    I raised my eyebrows at him and he laughed. "Ok. Relax as much as
you can, considering who you're with."

    "Thanks, Kevin."

    I grabbed a coffee and a snack, then settled in one of the chairs.
After I sipped a few times, I sighed. "I hope you two don't mind if I
wonder what I did to earn this sort of treatment. Shannon is personal,
and has nothing to do with the company. As far as that project goes,
I'll admit I'm looking forward to it being over, while wishing I could
lay the blame at Steve's feet, somehow."

    Daniel nodded. "Shannon is supposed to tell you, as soon as she
can, that the project will be sorted out by the end of the week."

    "Good. Am I supposed to act like it's news when she tells me?"

    "No."

    "Thanks."

    "You're welcome. In case you're wondering, Kathy and Shannon are
in a privacy booth at Maxine's, and will be there most of the day,
because Kathy will be standing in for me during a briefing I'll be too
busy to attend. It's not something done to get them out of the way
while we work behind their backs, although we're taking advantage of
that."

    I sighed. "I know how the two of you work, so just hit me with
it."

    "Good man. The reason I won't be at that briefing is because I'll
be right here, while the three of us fix some problems without
breaking things that work fine. At the same time, Kathy and Shannon
are going to be fixing a problem that has been around far too long.
Steve's gone as soon as they tell us who is going to replace him, from
the list I'm having couriered to them."

    "May I be honest?"

    "If you weren't, you wouldn't be here, Robert."

    "Thank you, Daniel. To avoid problems, Shannon shouldn't be the
one to tell Steve he's history. I don't want to lose the progress I've
made with her."

    "Relax. I'll be doing it, and he will not have the option of
staying with us. He's generated too much ill will for that to happen."

    "Glad to hear that. Maybe he'll go screw up one of our
competitors."

    Daniel and Kevin laughed.

    Kevin recovered and smiled. "We can hope. Indirectly, that screwed
up project is partly his fault. We've been so focused on finding a
clean way to get rid of him, that it was approved before our people
could fine tooth it. If you want to feed that tidbit to the grapevine
after he's gone, you may."

    "With pleasure. All this stuff aside, what am I doing here, since
you've admitted I'm not on the carpet?"

    Daniel sighed. "We need to know if you should be on that short
list of people who could replace Steve. Neither of us want you there,
of course, because you're doing an incredible job of unofficially
running your department, without having the title that goes with that
nightmare. Secondary to that, is we'd like to know if you feel you
could do a better job if you had the title to back you up. Those are
the opening questions, because we need your help, and through you,
Kathy and Shannon's help, while we do a major restructuring, that
doesn't break what works."

    "Gil been talking?"

    "Yes, and making noises about his retirement. Unofficially, he's
relieved that you freed him up so he could spend more time hands on.
He's been doing what he could to help, but he knows it hasn't been
enough sometimes. He doesn't mind being a figurehead, as long as the
jobs get done, and done right."

    "That's what he told me, and I couldn't convince myself he really
believed it."

    "He does. If you want the job he's been grooming you for, it's
yours, or... You and your people could promote someone into the
position so you stay hands on and keep runing things from the inside."

    "You mentioned restructuring. What would happen if I suggested
Gil's position be eliminated, and it's combined with the one I now
hold, so I have the authority to deal directly with you and Kevin,
plus sign off on things that we need done?"

    "Shorten the chain of command? The accountants would love it, of
course. Unfortunately there's too much involved for you to be able to
do all of it. It's your idea. See if you can convince us it can be
made to work."

    I thought about it, and everything we had to put up with, and that
was when things fell into place.

    "When Gil retires, we'd appreciate it if you got his secretarial
pool out of our hair. They aren't incompetent, but as a group they are
definitely obstructive when we need their support. It was a major
reason I finally went directly to Gil."

    "Kathy has mentioned your frustration, not the details. It will be
looked into. As the new head of division, you'd be allowed a clean
sweep so you could bring in people you feel you can work with."

    I froze, then studied him. "Hold it! Head of division?"

    He smiled. "I did say 'restructuring', not 'reorganization'.
Splitting you folks off was inevitable."

    "Let me see if I understand this. You'd like to have me take over
from Steve, but would rather have me around to head things when you
announce the split that turns us into a division, instead of a
department."

    "Yes."

    "I can't be the titular head, if you want to keep us running as
well as we are now."

    "Obviously. Sounds like you're seeing the same problem we are, and
we don't have a solution handy. Do you?"

    "Not sure. Head of division would report directly to you and
Kevin, right?"

    "And the media, when it's appropriate."

    I sighed and shifted slightly. "Kevin?"

    "It's an unpalatable truth to some, but you folks carry the rest
of us. The split should let us reduce our role to supporting you,
instead of being the tail that wags the dog."

    "Kevin? I think I can make it work, if."

    "If?"

    "If she's willing, give me Shannon as my EA, and let her bring six
people of her choice with her, from your secretarial pool, after you
and she figure out who should replace her. I think she's good enough
to work with me, so I can make the overall policy decisions, while she
does the day to day running of the division while I focus on the
projects themselves."

    He bent his head and sighed. "Dan? It might work, and it's better
than what we have now, which is going to get worse when Gil retires."

    Dan finally laughed. "Well, everyone will know she got the job
with her competence, if she accepts it."

    "True. Hang on."

    He reached for the phone and punched some numbers, then put it on
speakerphone while it rang.

    "This is Shannon. What can I do for you?"

    "Hello, Shan. We're on conference. We need your input before we
move on making Development a new division."

    "Kev? I thought that wasn't going to happen for a few more
months."

    "It isn't. We've found our new head, and there's a problem."

    "Problem, other than he's crazy enough he thinks he can sort out
the mess over there?"

    "Yes. You're being headhunted. He wants you and six of your best
as his EA and starting secretarial pool. With that much, he's pretty
sure he can make it work."

    "He there?"

    "Yes."

    "Whoever you are, you must know I like it where I'm at."

    I laughed. "Who said you'd have to move? All I want is someone I
can trust, to handle the tedious stuff while I go on doing what I do
now, which is run the place so we get things done. As division head,
I'll need direct lines to Daniel and Kevin. I have one of those, with
Kathy. I'd appreciate it if you were my direct line to Kevin. The idea
is to shorten the chain of command. One link will be gone when we
combine Gil's position with the one I hold now. Another link will be
removed when I get rid of his secretarial pool. I'd like you and six
people of your chosing to be the replacement link that gives me access
to Kevin when I need it. Goes without saying that I'd expect you to
stand in for me most of the time, after I make the general policy
decisions. I don't see much changing, other than where you sit in
front of your screens."

    "Robert?! Did you know about this?"

    "Not a bit. I was asked to help with some decisions, and make some
of my own. We're trying to fix things without breaking things that
work. I don't need an immediate decision, Shannon, so talk it over
with Kat, ok?"

    "I'll do that. What happens if I say no?"

    "I'd appeciate it if you and Kathy find me an EA, and six more to
work with whoever it is, that you two can also work with. Give me
that, and I'll do my best."

    "Kev?"

    "You're an EA at heart, Shannon. I don't want to lose you, of
course. But if it's what it takes, to do what's right for you, then
I'll lose you. If you move, I think we'll be seeing a lot more of each
other than we have been."

    "Yeah. You looking for an EA, too?"

    "Not yet."

    "You must be the only one who isn't, if Kathy hasn't been feeding
me a line."

    "She hasn't been."

    "How long do I have?"

    "Three to six months. Depends on what happens when we boot Steve.
Be quicker if you help us line up the ducks."

    "Robert? I'll get you six solid names within a week. Finding you
an EA is going to take us awhile, if I decide to turn it down."

    "Sounds like you're considering."

    "I am. Silly as it sounds, I know more about your department than
people think I know. I hate to admit it, but the six I'm thinking of
are everything I'm not, when it comes to dealing with men and women
who have problems. Damn competent, and they all believe in getting it
done, which is something you guys have needed for years, and haven't
had. Problem is, they only produce for me, so far. If I send them in,
they're going to want me in it with them, as head of pool, or your
EA."

    "EA or head of pool? Whatever you think is best, Shannon. You know
what has to be done, and how to get it done, so I'll leave it up to
you, until you tell me if it's you, or someone you've hand picked for
the job."

    She sighed. "Any other surprises?"

    We looked at each other and finally Dan spoke softly. "Thank you,
Shannon. It's been worth the wait. Now, when that courier gets there,
you two can strike Robert off the short list of possible replacements
for Steve, and tell us who it should be, ok?"

    "Umm... Yeah. That qualifies as a surprise. EA material, huh?
Sounds like someone is rubbing it in, and Kathy looks like she's going
to swallow the napkin she's using to hide her giggles. You done with
us?"

    "We're done, for now."

    "Bye."

    "Bye."

    Kevin touched the phone and killed the connection, then he shook
his head. "I think I made a bad call yesterday."

    Dan studied him. "Can we recover from it?"

    "Fairly easily. I thought Shannon was comfortable enough she
wouldn't leave. If she does move, she'll pick a good replacement to
run that pool."

    Dan chuckled. "I was wondering if you knew she was the one who
really ran things in there."

    "Kit spotted it before I did, then told me to keep my hands off,
and not see what was going on, or I'd probably wind up with the worst
pool, instead fo the best. Shan hasn't undemined Kit's authority, but
she's definitely managed to get rid of most of the usual infighting,
in ways Kit can't use."

    "Sounds like she and Robert have a lot in common."

    "They do. Both of them somehow focus on the job, yet get it done
without making their bosses nervous. Just the opposite, in fact."

    Dan smiled, then faced me. "You're closer than we are. Grapevine
says you've managed to make a person out of Shannon, when nobody else
could. Is it something you can share with Steve's replacement?"

    "I could share it, but it wouldn't do them any good."

    "Special case?"

    "Very. She and Kathy love each other, more than Kathy loves me.
Shannon didn't care about my feelings, and Kathy made it clear that if
anyone was going to be hurting, it should be me, and not Shannon."

    "I can accept that. Must be something else."

    "Definitely. Shannon, of course, doesn't want to hurt Kathy.
Unfortunately, Kathy finally got Shannon to accept that hurting me,
hurts Kathy--a lot.

    "As of last night, and thank you, Kevin for the use of your VIP
card, Shannon sees the problem, knows what has to be done, but none of
us have found a solution."

    "Does she want to solve the problem?"

    "I think she does, now that she knows continuing the way we've
been will hurt Kathy after we're married. Can't tell you if or when
there will be a break through on that."

    "I think you had one, since she's considering becoming your EA."

    "Maybe. Right now I think all I'm getting is the distant tolerance
I admitted is all I expect, once Kathy and I are married. A lot of it
could be that we aren't face to face. Before you ask, I'm willing to
work with her on those terms, if it will get the jobs done. Truth is,
I don't expect to spend much time in my office, so most of the stuff
will have to be done remotely, anyway.

    "That's a lot more than she's given anyone else. Privately, I'll
admit I'm glad it's not my problem to solve, because I've tried over
the years, and got nowhere. Kevin has tried, too, and failed. If it
works out, the two of you will be a good fit, professionally. She's
already willing to do her best for you, and that's more than most of
us get when we first get an EA."

    "I don't think you understand, Sir. She's not doing any of this
for me, or the company. She's doing it for Kathy, because she knows if
she doesn't, she'll be hurting the woman she loves, deeply."

    "Ah? She's never struck me as being that... Selfless."

    "She isn't. When she hurts Kat, and knows it, it tears her up
inside. In a way, she's doing it for herself more than she is Kat. Her
mind has been... Twisted somehow, and I'm working blind."

    "You don't have to work blind if you don't want to. Head of a
division has access to things most people don't."

    "I'll wait for her to open up. If she becomes my EA, I'll let her
know I have that option, just so we both know it's there, not as a
form of pressure. Making the transition will be more than enough to
keep us busy, and we don't need something like that as a distraction.
Besides, I've agreed to back off on the pressure and let her choose
the pace, now."

    "So you think she'll accept?"

    I thought about it, then studied Kevin. "Yes. Kevin? Do you or Kit
have any thoughts on the six people she's already thinking about
hijacking?"

    He thought about it, then sighed and hit the intercom buttom.
"Kit? I need access to the grapevine."

    "On my way."

    "Thanks."

    She came in a few minutes later and he gestured vaguely. "Any
chair, since this is a pre-planning session."

    "Sure, Boss. Mind if I notice that you look sandbagged?"

    "Good call. At least you're getting some warning, before it
happens to you."

    "Must be good."

    "Robert's agreed to be the new head of division."

    "Good! Give him a couple months to settle in, and things over
there should be running a lot smoother."

    "We think so, too. He needs help, and has already expressed some
personal prefernces."

    "Normal."

    "True. He wants Shannon as his EA, and six of her best, to seed
his secretarial pool. We've spoken to her, and it sounded like she
already knows who she wants give him. Robert feels certain she's going
to accept the position as his EA."

    "Shannon?! That's... Not the Shannon I've had to work with."

    "If not her, she and Kathy are going to hand pick for him, at his
request."

    She tilted her head back and studied the ceiling for a long time
before she spoke softly. "Dan? You could lose Kathy."

    "Unlikely. Be more likely that Kevin would lose you. Kathy knows
herself, and that she's where she should be. She's going to stay where
she is, and keep doing what she does now, which is give Development a
direct line to me, if they need it."

    "I'm not going anywhere unless I'm asked to retire."

    "Kevin can thank you, later."

    "Kevin? I heard the word 'grapevine'."

    "Can you suggest who the six people are, that Shannon would call
'damn competent, and everything she isn't, when it comes to dealing
with men and women who have problems'?"

    "Her words?"

    "Yes."

    "Ok. Consider me sandbagged. Do I have access to the courtesy
cart?"

    "You do."

    She opted for coffee and a bear claw, then settled so she could
study me while she ate.

    She was halfway through her coffee, after finishing the bear claw,
when she sighed. "Glad it's you, Robert."

    "Thanks. Shannon mentioned that the six she's thinking of, would
only give their best if she was there as head of the pool, or my EA."

    "Doesn't help. There are thirty-seven other people in her pool,
and every one of them seems to see past the way she acts, and would
cheerfully follow her, if she went somewhere else, and asked them to
join her. I'm surprised she thinks she can keep it to six."

    "Kit? Are we both talking about the same Shannon that most folks
call 'The Ice Queen'?"

    "We are. As long as the relationship is in a professional context,
she's fine. Those people know that, work with it, and even admire her
for it, because they know that she's able to keep her personal life
separate from her business one. Since she doesn't play the games, they
trust her to be fair when she unofficially mediates the inevitable
disputes."

    I smiled. "And since she's one of them, it's all kept in house and
she won't take it higher, unless they force her to."

    "Exactly. Those are her people, and I've left them alone."

    I frowned and she saw it. "A problem?"

    "Yes. Are we looking at the possibility of a mass exodus?"

    "Not if she sells it the right way."

    "How?"

    "How else? She needs six, that she can count on to help her sort
out Development, which by all accounts, is totally screwed up, and
she'll need most of her people to stay where they are, because that's
where they need to be, so she can count on their competence while
she's in the deep shit. Last thing she needs is a bunch of clueless
folks on our end, getting in her way while she's taking over the daily
stuff so you can do your job."

    "Do you think that she's going to keep that rapport if she becomes
an EA? She and her six are going to be working their butts off,
because I want the entire pool gone when I take over."

    "None you can salvage?"

    "None. There are plenty of private secretaries I can move up, but
someone will have to clue them in to how it works at that level,
because the ones they should have been learning from, have the wrong
attitudes."

    "So you want Shannon to somehow duplicate what she's done for
Kevin, while she's becoming the power behind the throne?"

    "Not the power behind it. Next to it. I already have our main
people working with me and Gil. What I need are competent secretaries
who are willing to stand their ground, or find new ground, when we
need their help doing what we don't know how to do, which is sell what
we're doing, to people who, bluntly, don't have a clue, and don't want
to have one. This pool has had free run so long, they think they run
development, and when it comes to how the rest of the company sees us,
they're right more often than not. I want that stopped."

    She sighed. "With that sort of awareness, how come you haven't
done something about it?"

    I raised my eyebrows and waited.

    "Oh. Kathy is your work around, and you don't have the authority
to act on what you know. Sorry."

    "Apology accepted."

    She faced Kevin. "I'm not as tied in as I thought I was."

    He nodded. "Happens. Is it fixable?"

    "As long as I learn the right questions to ask Shannon, I think
so. She wouldn't agree to wade into that nightmare unless she felt she
had a decent chance of sorting it out, and she does think that, or she
wouldn't have agreed to send in just six people. Wish I could tell you
which six it will be."

    His eyebrows went up, then he leaned back."What about her
replacement?"

    "Wes."

    "Thanks for confirming that. Even if she doesn't move, work on
cultivating him, while you let Shan know he's not going to replace her
unless she wants him to. While we wait, go see what people think about
Robert being tapped to replace Gil."

    She thought about it, then sighed. "Is that a rumor, or
confirmed?"

    "Gil's been grooming him, with his cooperation. Call it confirmed,
but not yet public knowledge."

    "Thanks. I'll see what other names come up, if they don't like
Robert."

    She left, and we started working out the details of the
changeover.

    * * *

    {Kathy}

    Shannon closed her phone, sighed, then leaned back and closed her
eyes while she ignored me.

    I waited for her to come back, and was eventually given two raised
eyebrows for my patience.

    "Hon? Did you know Robert was on the short list to replace Steve?"

    "No. I did know that he and Gil use his relationship with me to
get around the pool over there. I didn't know it was bad enough they
want them all tossed."

    "I should have mentioned that, but in spite of what I knew, I
didn't think it was that bad."

    "So... You going to wait, or tell them what you've already
decided?"

    "Kat, Hon, sometimes you know me too well."

    "I only know you've made one, Love. Not what it is."

    "Kevin and Dan must have been working independently, and Kit must
have been out of the loop."

    "Excuse me?"

    "Sorry. I'm having trouble believing those two came up with a
short list and I never heard a peep about it. I'm certain that nobody
asked any of us, or even hinted they were looking in house. What about
you?"

    "Nothing. Best I ever got was 'soon', until this morning, when Kev
told me they've taken this long to find his replacement. Never dreamed
it might be Robert, but after the fact, that they'd consider him,
makes sense."

    She sighed. "I knew he has some sort of touch, but after the last
week... Yeah. He'd get my vote as the person to take over from Steve."

    She glanced at the clock. "Be awhile before that courier gets
here."

    "So?"

    "I'm scared."

    "Of what?"

    "Lots of things, Kat. Do you think Robert will use his position to
find out what happened to me?"

    "No. He wants to hear it form you, just like he waited until he
could hear it from me."

    "I flashed, for about two hours, last night. He thinks he was able
to pass it off as job related focus. Would he have told me, if I said
anything while I was zoned?"

    "He always has when I do it. I can't see him avoiding telling
you."

    "Gods... If the rumors are true, we're going to be do nothing
except typing pink slips during that first week."

    "That bad?"

    "Worse. That secretarial pool is cronyism gone wild. I can't tell
you who is in charge of that, but all of them will have to go."

    "Sounds like you've been keeping track."

    "No choice. They've been trying to get us to go along with their
schemes, for years. Wouldn't surprise me to find out we hate them
worse than Robert does."

    "Do Dan and Kev know?"

    "I thought they did, but now I'm not sure."

    "That's not something I wanted to hear, Shan."

    "I didn't want to say it, because Kit knows about it, and told us
to deal with it in whatever manner we felt was appropriate."

    "That's normal."

    "For years? Most folks get a clue, and straighten up within six
months, or they wind up on the street."

    "That decision. May I hear it?"

    "Suddenly, I want out. I'll be Robert's EA, and find a way to keep
the mass exodus from stripping Kev. I'm going to need most of them
where they are, so I don't have to straighten out *two* pools, while
I'm helping Robert find solutions to all the problems Gil's lack of
focus has caused. He was a good man for the job, back in the early
days, but times have changed. He must know it, since he's been
grooming Robert to take over."

    "Hang on."

    I dug my phone out and called Dan.

    "Hello, Kathy. It's too soon for the courier, so it must be
something else. You're on the speaker. Go."

    "Is Kit there?"

    "No. Do you need her?"

    "No Just the opposite. Who's there, to hear me put my neck on the
block?"

    "Me. Kevin. Robert. Need anyone else?"

    "No. You three will be fine. First, I have the good news. Robert
has his EA, and it will be Shannon."

    "Good! The bad news?"

    "For the sake of argument, let's assume Shannon hasn't been lying
to me. She tells me that Develpment's pool has been trying to get her
and her people to go along with their scemes for years. Kit has known,
and she told Shan and her people to deal with it in any way they felt
was appropriate. Can someone tell me a good reason for Shannon's use
of the word 'years', when most folks get a clue within months?"

    Kevin was the first to react. "Shannon there?"

    "Here, Kev."

    "Are you saying you and your team have been butting heads with
development's pool for years, and they're *still* acting the same way
as when it started?"

    "Worse, Kev. Some of the senior people are getting pretty arrogant
when we bring them up short. I don't think they expect anyone to balk
them, when they decide how they want to do things."

    "Do you agree with Robert's decision for a clean sweep?"

    "I do."

    "Can you fix what's left, with only six people?"

    "Easily. Robert isn't the only person who has learned how to work
around them. All I have to do is make the the alternate chain,
official."

    "Smart woman. Do I get to keep Wes?"

    "He may not think so, but I feel he's ready to go all the way, if
he has to. He's been my number two, for years, and he knows everything
I know, because I never felt I couldn't be replaced someday. Never
expected it to happen this way."

    "Any hard feelings about it from anyone?"

    She laughed. "Only when I don't take all of them with me. They'll
stay, when I ask them to. I need them there. I'd appreciate it if you,
personally, give them that message. They'll accept it from you, since
I can't be there right away."

    "What if I ask Wes to deliver it for me?"

    "However you want to handle it, Sir."

    "I see. Thanks, Shannon. Anything else?"

    "Not this time."

    "Kathy?"

    "Other than congratulating you and Dan for being able to hide the
fact you have a short list of replacements for Steve, no. Grapevine
never had a thing."

    "Thanks. Later."

    "Later."

    We looked at each other a long time, and I sighed. "Kev must have
seen hints of something, or he wouldn't have kept Kit out of the loop.
It's the only way you wouldn't have known, because he would have
wanted her to check the grapevine to see who the staff wanted to take
over from Steve."

    She shivered, then bent her head. "Hon? did I just watch you
suggest to Kevin that he needs a new EA?"

    "You did, and you told him who was at the top of the list."

    "I did, didn't I?"

    "Yep. I'm wondering how come she wasn't there. He should have
called her in as soon as Robert said he wanted you."

    She sighed. "He's smooth. Probably had a good reason to send her
out. Usually it's to check her sources when he knows he's about to do
something that could really screw with people's heads, if he makes the
wrong call. Uses me, too."

    "Uh huh. You mentioned scared. Add me to that list."

    "You?!"

    "Yes. We both know they like to delegate when they trust someone,
right?"

    "Right."

    "What insanity has them telling us that *we* get to pick Steve's
replacement, instead of make suggestions?"

    "I misssed that."

    "Dan said 'tell us who it should be'.

    "Oh. You're right. Usually, when they have this much time, they
want the top three. Do you have the feeling we've both been promoted?"

    "Be nice to know, wouldn't it? At least you know what your new
title will be."

    "True... Crap!"

    She dumped her purse and grabbed her phone.

    As soon as Kevin answered she spoke urgently. "Kev? If you want a
chance of knowing what's been going on, you'd better have security
lock everything, and secure all the computers before people can start
deleting stuff."

    "Relax, Shannon. We've been doing hourly mirrors, and saving
everything that comes in from outside, as well as what's been going
out. All we need is an excuse to do some mining."

    "I'll give ou one. Consider this a verbal request for an inquiry
that would explain how come development's pool always expects us to
follow their suggestions, instead of them following ours, as is
clearly stated in the policy handbook. I've done everything I can, and
it isn't working. If Kit has been doing anything, it hasn't worked
either, and I'd appreciate knowing how come those people have been the
exception, and nobody over there has been asked to pack up and go
somewhere else."

    "Thank you, Shannon. When you get a chance, fill out the proper
forms, then hand them to me, yourself. See if any of your people want
to get involved."

    "Call Wes. He'll give you everything we have."

    "I'll do that. What took you so long?"

    "I thought Kit was doing her job. As Robert's EA, my job is to
solve the petty problems, so he can focus on his job, right?"

    "We'll talk about that later."

    "Sorry. I'll be good, and try to leave you folks alone until after
we've had time to make a decision about that list."

    "It's ok, Shannon. It's good to know you're willing to do what has
to be done. From what Robert's been telling us, the changeover isn't
going to be pretty, unless you call it 'pretty ugly'."

    "Ok. We'll try to relax."

    "Later, Shannon."

    "Later, Kevin."

    She hung up, then looked at me. "Too bad we're on the clock."

    I shook my head and laughed. "And the courier is due any time.
Maybe on our lunch break"
    ---

    End abandoned work: 'Lost Lesbian: version 2' 
======

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