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Unfinished Man and Muse Canon

Tucked away in these, is the scene where Tom gives his Muse her name,
'Mahika'.
----

8/31/2005
M-Muse(wolfess) nosex

Penalty Phase / Dichotomy
A Man and His Muse
---

I was browsing Usenet when a white nose worked its way under my
forearms and lifted my hands from the keyboard.  The soft snarl that
rumbled from Mahika's chest let me know she was highly upset about
something.

I couldn't figure out anything I'd done to earn the snarl but I knew
better than to dispute her unvoiced comment about being on the
computer too long.

When I leaned back and flexed my fingers to relax them she settled on
her haunches and waited until she had my full attention.  There was an
edge to her voice when she finally spoke.  "I've had enough of this."

I froze and then carefully chose my response.  I'd learned early in
our relationship that it wasn't wise to speak without thinking when I
was talking to an angry wolfess.

"This?"

Her lips peeled back into the beginnings of a snarl.  "Neglect.  By
you."

I stared at her.  "I've been writing.  Even done some art."

A glare joined the unvoiced snarl.  "Stupid human.  Not that kind of
neglect.  What happened to *us*?"

Oops.  More than oops.  It was an 'oh-shit-have-I-ever-blown-it'
moment.  'Stupid human'  was a description she saved for the times
when I'd really, really screwed up my part of our relationship. In
this case there was only one answer she'd accept.  I knew what it was
based on experience.  Real life and writing had me doing the one thing
she couldn't accept for very long.

I sighed.  "I've taken you for granted--again."

The incipient snarl changed to a promise filled grin and I flinched.
The glare, however, never left her eyes.  "Penalty phase."

I winced.  She knew how much I hated team sports and this was a
pointed reference to my one time passion for football.

I slumped in the chair.  Mahika had proven herself...  'Creative' when
it came to getting a chunk out of my soul when I screwed up this
badly.

I sighed and tried to smile.  When her body language shifted to show
she was getting amused I gave the smile up and laughed bitterly,
self-mockingly.  Eventually I sobered enough to whisper my acceptance
of whatever she decided was proper punishment.  "Do it."

She nodded and settled on her belly.  "A writer, once at a certain
point, wants to explore and grow.  A reader, enjoying the writer's
work, want to see more of the same thing and resents it when the
writer changes.  Explore this dichotomy of interests with an eye
towards getting both sides to see the other's points as part of a
resolution."  She grinned and settled on her side.  Her eyes closed,
there was a long pause, and then the eye on top reopened.  "I'll
wait."  The eye closed, she took a deep breath, let it out slowly--and
as far as I could tell when she finished, was asleep.

I did, however, notice that one of her ears was pointed in my
direction.  With that in mind I swiveled the chair until I faced the
computer again and settled my hands on the keyboard.

* * *

Dichotomy - An Essay on Writers' Desires vs Readers' Expectations
---

2008-01-01  - First Aniversary
Creating Special Memories
A Man and Muse Story
----

"Good morning, Goof."

"Huh?"  I bleared awake to see the white wolf's nose about two inches
from mine.  "Wha...?  Why so early?  And what time is it, anyway?"

"Dawn.  Get up."

"It's Saturday, isn't it?  I don't have to work today.  Go back to
sleep."  I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the *presence* that was
standing over me.  It didn't work.  She never moved, just stared at
me.  I didn't need to see her to know she was staring at me,
waiting...

I opened my eyes, knowing she hadn't moved.  I kept my question
simple:  "Why?"

Ever seen a wolf grin?  I was already familiar with her grin but this
one had a lot of extra energy in it.  

She tipped her ears forward.  "I've waited over fifty thousand years
for this day, love."  With that cryptic comment she finally jumped off
the bed.  Just before she went out the dog door she looked back over
her shoulder.

"Happy first anniversary."

Oh.  Yah.  No wonder she'd been nagging me about getting to bed early
last night.  I looked at the ceiling for a few more minutes, then
rolled over and got up.

It was going to be a long, long day--even if I *was* going to enjoy
every second of it.

Muses are like that.  They work you to death, but you don't mind
dying, after you see the results.

* * *

I stood there, trying to figure out what to do next when a rattled dog
tag caught my attention.  I looked down and reached to scratch Sarah's
head and ears.  "Yeah.  You want breakfast, don't you?"  That got an
eager little dance and a nudge. 

I complied and headed to the kitchen.  I dug in the fridge and found a
serving of the food I had already prepared for her.  It went in her
dish and I laughed when she pushed my hand out of her way so she could
eat.  "OK.  I get the message."

Now that the important stuff was out of the way, I decided I could
spend some time taking care of my own needs.  A shower, a shave,
then...  Hmmm...  She had plans.  I'd better see how she wanted me to
dress, *if* she wanted me to dress.  The robe for now.

Next up was breakfast for two and a half.  I knew I'd be sharing some
of mine with Sarah.  A couple of pre-baked leg quarters, mushrooms,
onions, other assorted veggies, chopped fresh garlic ...  Everything
in the cast iron skillet, low heat on the stove, stir a bit as it came
up to heat, then cover and set the timer for thirty minutes.

I checked the water bucket, topped it off for the day, then finally
wandered into the living room and settled on the couch to watch the
day start.

The past year had certainly been different.  The first couple of
months had been spent getting used to having a woman in my life.
'Woman'.  Right.  I chuckled as I remembered some of the verbal
dancing that had gone on when I needed to explain her presence to my
friends.  Or, worse, dealing with her indignation when she'd learned
she had to go get shots and a dog license.

"I'm a WOLF, damn you!  Wolves don't need..."

I'd barely managed a shrug.  "Right now you'd better be a German
Shepherd mix.  I can get away with that, I think.  I don't want to
deal with all the hassles of owning a 'wild animal'.  OK?"

Her nose had gone up and she'd inhaled deeply.  "You're enjoying this,
aren't you?"

There was no point in denying it.  "Yes.  Some.  Pisses me off but I
can't help seeing the funny side of it all."  I'd knelt in front of
her and hugged her.  "We don't have a choice, love.  I'm hiding enough
already.  Adding owning an untagged wolf would bring more attention
than I really want to deal with.  Humor the system in this, for me.
OK?"

We'd looked into each other's eyes for a long time before she turned
her head sideways and sneezed her disgust.  "OK."

Fortunately, the vet and I had known each other for years, ever since
he'd taken over the clinic from the then retiring vet.  He'd raised
his eyebrows, then shrugged when I told him her breed, as far as I
knew it.  "I'd like to know what crossed with the Shepherd to produce
her.  "She's a beautiful bitch.  Should have some interesting looking
puppies if you ever have her bred."

I'd choked back my laughter and merely nodded.  "Unlikely.  You know I
don't believe in propagating anything other than purebreds."

"True.  Shame though.  She's been well behaved."  He'd smiled. "Still,
I've come to expect that of any dogs you bring in." A final stab with
the last shot and he'd waved me out the door of the examining room.
"Wish more people cared enough.  Shame about that trainer you used to
work for.  Lot of the vets miss him.  You ever consider..."

I guess he happened to see something in my eyes.  "Never mind.  Just
remember that if you do, most of us will be glad to post your ads on
the walls."

I'd nodded.  "Thanks.  I'll keep the offer in mind.  It's
appreciated."

Two canid bodies, landing one to a side, brought me back to the
present. They settled and I used a hand to idly pet each of them,
enjoying their presence.

We stayed that way until the timer went off.  Sarah launched, heading
for the kitchen.  'She' simply raised to her haunches, then shifted
and became human before she got up and reached a hand down to help me
get up.

I came off the couch, into a willing set of arms, hugged her while
sharing a kiss, then let go and gestured, with a wicked gleam in my
eyes.  "After you.  I enjoy the view from the rear."

I got a giggle, followed by an exaggerated strut while she walked to
the kitchen.  She glanced at me over her shoulder. "Go sit down.  I'll
serve."

* * *

When she settled on the other side of the table and started eating her
breakfast, I studied her thoughtfully.  I was still not quite used to
living with a shape-shifter but it was getting easier to deal with
never knowing which aspect I was going to see.  I chuckled and she
looked up, questioning me with those expressive eyebrows she had in
her human form.

"I was just thinking how Sarah has adapted to living with you better
than I have.  That... Never knowing what I'll see next still throws me
off, sometimes."

She laughed.  "One reason I do it.  Another is trying to be the right
person for you at the time."

"Ah."  I thought some more.  "Never thought about it that way.  I
guess that's what anyone does for a lover, isn't it?"

She leaned back and gazed at me a long time before she finally nodded
slightly.  "I have an advantage, so I use it.  Besides, you do more
for *me* than anyone has since..."

She fell silent.  I hadn't missed the tone of sadness that suffused
her words so I reached towards her with my right hand.  She took it in
both of hers and we sat there in a shared silence that said everything
we needed to say between us.

An insistent nudge made me look down.  "Ah."  I was smiling when I
broke our contact and put my plate on the floor.  "Here, grrl."

The use of my pet variation on 'girl' reminded me of something else so
I turned back to face her again.  "You know, I'm never going to get
that 'sharp-inhale-tilt-head-sneeze-then wiggle my ears-etc' when I
try to say your name, right."

She laughed along with me.  "So?"

"Right.  I didn't forget our anniversary was coming up.  I just didn't
remember when it was."

"K."  Her head tilted to her right and she waited.

I coughed slightly.  "Right...  I did some looking around for
translations of your name.  I found several but I think I have a
favorite, if you don't mind..."

I had the feeling that if she'd had mobile ears, they would have
perked with astonished interest.  "Oh?"

"Yes.  'Mahika'.  It's..."  I was interrupted.

"I know what it is.  'Wolf Clan'."  She was grinning and I got
suspicious.  "As long as you remember to append 'love' to it, quite
often...

"I won't mind you calling me that."

I sighed with relief.  I'd been dreading a reaction that never
happened.  "OK, 'Mahika, Love'.  I think I can remember to do that
much."

* * *

Sarah, satisfied that there was no more food to be begged, vanished on
other business, probably a tour of the yard and then to settle under
her favorite tree so she could watch the rest of the world go by.  I
knew she'd check on me once in awhile, but until then, she was usually
content to keep track of other things when I was busy.

The dishes got washed and put in the rack, in between the usual touchy
feelly Mahika and I shared in the kitchen when she was in her human
form.

"So."  We'd resettled on the couch, into a snuggle.  "You have plans.
What should I wear?"

"You're taking us for a hike.  Plan for an overnight stay."

I heard a thud and rattle, then Sarah was in front of me, pawing at my
legs with that impatient 'lets get going' attitude I was too familiar
with.

I looked at Mahika.  "Did you call her in?"

She smiled benignly.  "No.  I keep trying to tell you that she
understands more than you think she does."

I reached to pet Sarah when she finally calmed a bit and put her head
in my lap to do some 'subtle' pleading.

"So you have.  I still think that ever since you showed up and moved
in, she's been a lot more clear about saying things and understanding
what I'm saying."

"It's not Sarah."  I jerked my head around so I could see Mahika's
eyes.  She was telling the truth.  "It's *you*.   I've been teaching
you how to understand her better."

"What!?"  Sarah flinched.  "Sorry grrl.  Not your fault."  She relaxed
again.

"Explain."

Mahika nodded.  "Easy enough.  When I'm in my wolf shape, I not only
use body language, I speak human.  You've been picking up the
associations and transferring that knowledge to interpreting Sarah's
actions while she's talking to you.  Over time, because you display a
better understanding, she's been adding to the richness of her
communication by adding in the subtle gestures she'd use with another
dog."

She grinned and I could see the 'wolf' showing through.  "You two
aren't speaking 'pidgeon dog' any more when you talk to each other."

"Oh."

She sobered slightly.  "Go get dressed.  We have plans for you, for
the rest of the day."

I sighed theatrically.  Already, I'd learned that some of the rules
should be followed fairly closely.  "Yes, dear.  Right away, dear."  I
stood, then turned back to let her see my grin.

"Anything for you...  Bitch!"

"Arrr..."  It was pretty close to a growl, which was exactly what I
wanted from her.  "Shoo!"

Laughing, with Sarah pushing me to make sure I went in the right
direction, I went to get dressed.

Sarah settled on the bed to watch while I put on my hiking clothes.

When my backpack, and her overnight pack came out of the closet, her
ears perked and I heard the breathy whine that said she was eager to
get moving.

"Be patient, Bitch.  I need to repack them, because it's been awhile."

She resettled and watched while I emptied things on the bed, then
repacked while adding the stuff we'd need for an overnight trip.

When I tied on the tent and sleeping bag, she got bouncy, and started
pacing between the door bed, until I waved her off.  "Go relax.  I
still have to pack our food."

She vanished, and I heard feminine laughter.  "Yes, Sarah.  Humans are
slow.  Go out and go to the bathroom, because it's going to be a long
trip."

I heard the dog door, and after I grabbed things and turned, I had to
pause because Mahika was standing in the doorway and grinning.   "I'm
working on getting her to understand that you taking so long to get
ready, is never goping to change.  She thinks we should be able to go
*now*."

I laughed.  "Good luck.  Should I plan for the possibility of being
around people?"

"Yes, and no.  Could happen, but I'll deal with any seepage problems,
so you won't need to restock your condoms."

"Handy.  Ok.  Once I stop in the kitchen and load up our food and
water, I'll be ready."





M-Vixen-Wolfess-Bitch, furry, zoo, nosex
----

Role: Playing
A Man and Muse Story
------

I pulled another clump of golden fur from the dog brush and laughed.
"Wolf, m'dear...  For a smooth coated bitch, you shed a lot."

She didn't move from where she was sprawled on her back.  The only
sign she'd heard me was the lazy smile that formed.  "I've been saving
it, just for you."

I went back to brushing her stomach lightly.  "Thanks, love.  Any
time."

I heard a couple of amused sneezes next to me and I chuckled. "Neither
one of you has any room to complain."

I felt a brush make a quick swipe at my own fur.  Chrys' gentle voice
gave me more shivers than the sudden pass with her brush.  "Look who's
talking:  A  shape shifter with all those alternate forms to groom."

Mahika laughed when I groaned with mixed pleasure and resignation.
"How come your stories never mention the week of almost constant
itching and the clouds of loose fur?"

I used the drollest tones I could, while knowing I wasn't going to be
believed.  "I avoid focusing on the negative."

Wolf opened her eyes and grinned.  "Odd.  You don't seem to mind when
the three of us gang up on you."

"Point."

They giggled and then Chrys and I went back to  brushing our partners.
Our turns would be soon enough.

* * *

It was late afternoon when we called it quits for the day.  All of us
were hungry, and, languid from all the grooming, nobody wanted to get
back to reality by cooking an early dinner.

I had a random thought, caught it as it tried to get past me, and
decided to share it.  "Let's eat out."

I got some disdainful looks.

I added to it. "But make other people pay.  Some role playing.  Two
Bards and their 'talking pets'.  Chrys?"

Her ears shifted back on her head.  "He loved crowds..."

I reached and touched her gently.  "Nikki?"

She nodded.  "I'm in, with a couple of conditions."

I looked at the other two.  "Grrls?"

Wolf, of course, was her usual Golden Retriever self.  "Of course I'm
in!"

Mahika was silent while she studied Chrys intently.  Finally she
reached and pulled Chrys into a hug.  "Memories are the price we pay
for getting older."

Chrys nodded.  "Tom?  Would you indulge a Vixen and go as a
Rabelaisian Wolfhound?"

The pleading in her eyes and the position of her ears caused me to
swallow the light hearted response I would have usually made. Instead,
I nodded.  "I'll get my working harness."

Her paw stroked my face.  "Thank you."

I smiled and touched her paw with my hand.  "The other condition?"

"Let's make a grand entrance.  You and I with two white wolfess' on
leashes."  Then, she smiled impishly.  "As for paying for our food...
I'll call the mall folks and let them know I'm coming.  My treat."

I laughed.  "Your treat?  Food for four is getting you cheaply."

Mahika and Wolf giggled.  Then Wolf fell into Chrys' trap.  "So, what
will we be doing while you two entertain people?"

I laughed.  "Never trust a Bardic Vixen when she's lost in her
memories.  I bet she wants you there as wolves so you can sing lupine
tone poems."

Wolf's open mouthed astonishment and the gentle warmth I felt in the
back of my mind were all the reward I needed--for being right.

* * *

After we parked, Chrys and I folded the leashes and held them for Wolf
and Mahika to take in their mouths.  Since each held the leash
attached to the other, I knew we were technically within the letter of
the law.  It didn't matter though.  The three of us were well known at
this mall and since Wolf was obviously with us, I didn't expect any
problems.

However, that confidence was dispelled by the determined approach of a
security guard as we approached the main entrance.

I looked down at Chrys.  "I thought you warned them."

She sneezed disgustedly.  "I did.  I don't recognize this one.  Do
you?"

I studied the guard thoughtfully.  "No.  Can't say that I recognize
her."

She nodded.  "I'll handle this.  Don't be surprised if I go official
suddenly."

I didn't have time to react.

The woman blocked us.  "Sir.  Ma'am.  No wild animals are allowed in
the mall."

Chrys smiled and I cringed inside.  "Ladies?  Show the young woman
your passports."

Mahika and Wolf dropped their leashes and turned to extract their
passports from the the pouches on their harnesses.  I took them and
handed them to the guard.

She looked them over carefully then looked up.  "No animals allowed.
They'll have to change, or stay out."

Chrys' ears snapped forward and she took on the intent look of a
predator ready to spring.  Then, she nodded thoughtfully.  "Call
Sarah.  We can wait."

The woman froze briefly.  "Sarah.  She's the Mall Supervisor.  Will my
shift Captain be OK.?

I stretched to my full eight foot plus height and grinned down at her.
"No.  You're working on creating an interstellar incident.  Humor us
in this."  I held it for a beat, then spoke gently.  "We called ahead.
Somebody in your chain of command made a serious mistake by not
briefing you.  Sarah needs to know."

This time the woman winced.  Then she reached for her microphone and
after some quiet words, some of them angry, nodded.

When she looked up at us she was obviously angry at someone, but she
was working on getting her anger under control.  "Sarah is on her
way."

A few minutes later a small woman was striding purposely towards us
until she stopped a few feet away and sighed.  "What's going on here?"

Since the question wasn't directed at us, we waited.

The guard took a deep breath.  "The mall rules cleary state, 'no
animals who aren't working ones, and especially wild animals, are to
be allowed inside'."

Sarah nodded, then turned to us.  "Hello, Chrys.  Tom.  Mahika.  And?
I haven't met you yet."

Wolf settled on her haunches and lifted a front paw.  "Wolf, will do.
Pleased to meet you, Sarah."

Sarah took her paw and shook it solemnly.  "Pleased to meet you, too."

She let go and straightened to look at Chrys.  "Sorry about this. I've
already reamed a shift commander for not passing along the word."

Chrys smiled.  "I think we can sort this out fairly quickly, if
someone is willing to make a phone call."

Sarah winced.  "What do you have in mind?"

"I think this qualifies as something serious enough that a call to the
Senior Ambassador from Rabelaisia would be welcomed, before it goes
too far."

Sarah looked at Chrys.  "But..."

Crys held up a paw.  "I'm afraid I must insist.  Let's go all the way
to the top from the beginning."

Sarah bit her lip thoughtfully.  "Are you folks certain?"

The four of us nodded.

She turned to the guard.  "These two 'wolves' are people.  Are you
willing to set aside your shape prejudice if the Rabelaisian
Ambassador reassures you of that fact?"

She flushed, then nodded reluctantly.

Sarah smiled with a bit of her usual humor.  "Good."  She turned to
me.  "Tom?  Do you have any of the Ambassador's business cards with
you?"

I chuckled.  "Of course."  I dug one out and held it out for the
guard.  "Use the emergency number.  She won't mind.  This sort of
situation is one of the reasons she has it."

The woman nodded and reached for her cell phone.

She entered the number and hit send.

A few seconds later Chrys' cell phone rang.  She removed it from her
harness and was smiling at the guard when she answered it.  "This is
Lady Chrystal.  How may I help you?"

The woman blanched.

Chrys never lost her smile as she hung up and put her phone back on
her harness.  "May we continue on our way, now?  We really would enjoy
a chance to get something to eat before we entertain your visitors
this evening."

The guard's hand was shaking as she reclipped her phone to her belt.
"Ambassador.  I apologise for the inconvenience I have caused you and
your friends.  Be welcome."

Before Chrys could respond I spoke up.  "Sarah?"

She faced me with raised eyebrows.  "Yes, Tom?"

I bowed towards the guard and after I straightened I watched her
carefully.  "Sarah, speaking from a professional viewpoint, this one's
a keeper.   I hope you fast track her, if she wants to make mall
security a long term career choice."

I was rewarded with total silence and a stare.  I smiled and held out
my hand.  "I think I can speak for all of us when I accept your
apology."

We shook hands and then five of us entered the mall afer I reached
down and disconnected the leashes before I coiled them and put them
away in one of their harness pouches.

Sarah was shaking her head and laughing softly.  "I'm going to get a
copy of the security tape and give it to the poor girl.  Someday
she'll be able to look back and laugh at herself.  But right now I bet
she's so bemused it's all she can do to focus on her job."

Chrys giggled.  "She's already laughing at herself and refocused on
her work.  And...  She understood the message we gave her, one you'll
confirm at her next promotion."

Sarah stopped, forcing us to stop, too.  "What message?"

Chrys smiled.  "Do you think Tom's 'keeper' was gratuitous?  She
passed the primary test for dual citizenship--and I'd appreciate it if
you mention that to her, then point out there's really only one more
requirement she has to meet before she applies--if she decides to."

Sarah nodded thoughtfully.  "A vacation on Rabelaisia."  She sighed...
"You have a nasty habit of picking the best, don't you?  I'd hate to
lose her."

I laughed.  "You're not fooling us, you know."  I tapped my nose
lightly.  "She was embarrassed, but not enough that she's thinking
about leaving a job she enjoys--and you know it."

Sarah put her hands on her hips and leaned back to look up at me.  "I
keep forgetting your nose actually works in that form.  What are you
doing in it, anyway?"

I shrugged.  "It was my idea for us to come down and let someone else
buy us dinner.  None of us felt like cooking."

She glared briefly then turned and started walking again.  "Spare me
the lot of you when you're out to enjoy yourselves.  The stage will be
ready when you are.  In the meantime, I have a mall to run and I've
probably got several more crises to deal with already."

Chrys stepped forward and touched her arm.  "Thank you, Sarah."  Then
she grinned.  "Don't panic when you get reports of wolves howling in
the mall.  These two..."  She gestured airily.  "Are going to be
singing tone poems."

"They're what?!"

"Tone poems.  Singing.  What did you think it was when wolves howl
together for a long time?"

She sighed.  "Are you sure that's wise?  I understand wolves can get
pretty loud."

Chrys shrugged.  "I'll create a dampening field.  I can reduce the
volume as easiliy as I can increase it."

Sarah shook her head and walked away.  "Tone poems.  I'm trying to
keep this place under control and I allow a Rabelaisian vixen, a human
hound and two wolves into my mall..."

Mahika laughed.  "She has a fine grasp of reality, doesn't she?"

Wolf sneezed.   "What's for dinner?"

I shrugged.  "Since Chrys is buying, I guess she gets to choose."

Chrys giggled.  "Wolf...  You haven't lived until you've been hand fed
by a bunch of Mall Rats."

I groaned.  "I know that tone.  Let's go sing for our supper while
Chrys sets things up with the various vendors."

Chrys hugged me.  "You love the attention and we all know it."

I laughed and stretched.  "True."

* * *

By the time we reached the edge of the food court we had quite a
following.  Mostly, it was kids and teens of various ages, with a few
adults mixed in.

A few of the teens were part of the resident Mall Rat population and
they clued in their friends and most of the other people who were
surrounding us.  

Within minutes of entering the food court I had a slice of pizza in my
hand.  Mahika and Wolf were settled on their haunches and being hand
fed anything they'd eat.

Before we got on the stage Wolf cleaned her muzzle with her tongue and
front paw.  She looked around at the rapt faces that surrounded her.
"Singing is hard work.  I'll be hungry again when I'm done, OK?  Right
now though..."

She burped delicately, then grinned impudently.  "I'm stuffed.  You'll
have to eat the rest by yourselves."

The kids giggled and most of the adults laughed.

Mahika sneezed to get my attention.  "We need the Alpha Male voice if
we're going to do this right."

I shook my head with resignation.  "I hope you warned Chrys.  That
one's going to get *loud*."

"Of course she warned me."  Chrys stood next to me and hugged me.

Then, much to the amusement of the crowd, she used a handful of
napkins to wipe my muzzle clean.  "There.  Ready?"

I laughed.  "Sure, let's go."

I gathered in some of the crowd's energy and used it to shift myself
to my lupine form.  Then I looked up at Chrys and laughed.  "Cue the
Bard."

She laughed back.  "Not this time."

"Oh?"

She brought her ears forward and grinned at me.  "I thought we'd open
with 'Alpha's Search', while I translate it."

"Huh."  I took the time to stretch the kinks out before I looked at
her again.  "I have the feeling I've been set up, by all three of
you--again."

Wolf came over and nuzzled me.  "Of course we did."

"Hmmp."

I jumped on the stage and settled myself in the middle of it, then
tipped my head back and turned loose the distance carrying howl that
was the Alpha's lead in to 'Alpha's Search'.

While I sang, I hoped for three things.  That Chrys had managed to
damp the volume down to a reasonable level, that nobody in the mall
understood wolvish, and that if anyone did, they were wise enough to
not translate it correctly for the kids.

When Mahika and Wolf joined me and wove their tones with mine in a
tapestry that told of yearning, lust, and love promised, I let my mind
get lost in the beauty of the song we created while Chrys began her
very loose translation.

* * *

Alpha's Search - A Lupine Tone Poem
Translation from the original by Lady Chrystal.
---

(The Alpha calls)

"The pack must grow,
But I am alone.

"I call to the females.
I must choose a mate."

(The female wolves respond to his call)

"We hear.
We come quickly.

"One will be chosen
And the pack will grow."
=====

Viveka [G] : Beautiful voice
( Russian Name )

This one was started in 2008, then set aside because I lacked the
interest and focus to finish it.

As I prepare for my retirement, I decided to add to it, then add the
final version to this collection, as a 'might have been'.

As we all know, I *didn't* retire in 2008. 

At least I made the right decision when I left it in my hopper...

Unfinished.

However, I've decided to take the time to finish the story within this
story, and add it to the official 'Man and Muse' canon.

So...

If things work out as planned, this one is probably going to wind up
being the 'last' story in the saga of Tom Galahalt as an author.
---

Non-Compartmentalization
A Man & Muse Scene
---

I woke in Mahika's arms, like usual, but I felt different for some
reason.  

Something wasn't quite right...

Then it came to me.  Last night.  A decision.  Accounts deleted.

I'd deliberately ended part of my life.

Did I regret the decision, now?

I prodded myself gingerly, wondering if I'd feel the familiar pangs
that would tell me I'd eventually return to being that person.

No.  In fact...

"Love?"

"Mmm?"

"You're not arguing with me, this time?"

"No.  I agree with you."

It was my turn.  "Mmm."

While I thought some more and tried to figure out how I felt, Mahika
got up.  

Distracted by practicalities, I watched her while she went through her
usual  'getting up in the morning' ritual.

She was putting the finishing touches on her hair when I rolled to my
back, then closed my eyes and stretched, luxuriating in the freedom of
not being *driven* to write, as 'The Dog', finally.

When I reopened my eyes, she was standing silently, watching me, and
her lips twitched slightly, revealing her amusement.  "I didn't do
it."

"Yah.  I know.  Felt good though.  But right now I'm exhausted,
mentally wrung out.  Limp.  For all that it still feels like the right
decision, it will take some time for me to accept that a lot of stress
has left my life--finally."

She nodded and held out a hand to help me out of bed.  "Interested in
a vacation?"

"Yes.  Where?"

She laughed and pulled me into a hug.  I felt the swirling confusion
of a place shift and suddenly we were standing in one of my memories,
a guesthouse in pre 'Fall of the Wall' Germany.

A waitress approached and asked if we wished anything.  Some things, I
suddenly discovered, you never forget.  "Eichbaum, bitte."   It had
been one of my favorite beers, then.  

She left and I looked at Mahika.  "I just used up all of my German."

"No problem.  This isn't your Germany.  It's mine, a re-creation." 

We accepted our tankards and worked our way to a window table to
settle before I continued the conversation by raising my eyebrows and
asking:  "Yours?"

She nodded, then sipped from her tankard.  "Happy times.  I'd come
here to celebrate while you were sitting on that top bunk.  Writing,
at first, then, later, you had the typewriter."

"Ah."  I sipped and stared out the window, remembering...

"It was the best of times, it was the worst..."  I shook myself out of
my reverie.  "No, I was happy, mostly.  But it didn't take much for me
to realize I was out of place.  The writing was an escape to a place
that was mine.  I was living in a world that turned my differences
into an advantage.  I, as my main character, was..."  I hesitated
while I searched for the words I needed to say what I'd felt.  "He was
vastly different, the first of his kind--and people treasured him for
his uniqueness as much as the woman he created, treasured him for his
humanity."

She reached and stroked my arm lightly, then carefully worked my
fingers out of the knotted fist they'd curled into.  "There was
something else.  Something that is important to you now, although I
don't think you'll remember it and realize what it meant back then."

I was still looking out the window as I nodded, accepting that she
knew me this well.  "Tell me?"

"Of course."  I felt her fingers flow across my palm.  "The 'book' as
you call it, was just another tool you were using to fight a war you'd
been waging since you were fourteen.  Your war against being labeled
and thus, everything known about you, you would be put aside."

I whispered, more to myself than to her:  "But even then, nobody in
the world knew all about me, did they?"

I shivered, remembering the terror I'd felt the first time I'd really
let myself understand what would happen if the wrong people found out
what I'd been doing since puberty.  Puberty could be excused.  Still
dreaming, still wanting to do it though...

No.  I knew I'd never live free again if that was discovered.  I'd
read far too much about what could happen if I were discovered and the
*label* of bestialist were applied to me.

It wasn't how I was.

It wasn't how I saw myself.

I knew I'd been selfish at first.  There's a raw ecstasy to fucking
dogs or being fucked by one that always makes me want more.  But, at
the same time, I guess I'd also realized that there was something
more.  I wanted to lie with a woman.  I wanted to be normal.

But, even here, I'd discovered, through painful and embarrassing
experience...  That I couldn't take that last step and *be* normal.

And I finally realized where Mahika had been steering me.

"Some vacation, love."

I sighed.  "People talk about me having a different viewpoint.  It
isn't different, it's *alien*, compared to how most people think."

She nodded.  "Get it out of your system."

"I don't think like most people.  I can't think like most people.  In
fact, I don't think I've met anyone else, yet, who is so free of that
human desire, the need, to compartmentalize their thinking.

"And nothing, in years, has driven that point home as painfully as
that recent discussion about trying to find ways I could use a blog.

"I think in relationships, seeing nothing as separated.  Everything
fits into such a completely merged whole that I cannot choose based on
things that are, to me, artificial differences."

I tried to sip my beer and realized that somehow I'd finished it.  I
briefly contemplated getting it refilled but then I shook my head
wearily and when the waitress stopped by I had her refill it with
lemonade.

"Anyway, love.  I guess life, at the moment, has made me depressingly
aware of how much time I spend trying to make my thought processes
clear to others.

"And, yes..."  I chuckled bitterly, wryly, "I find their ways of
looking at the world at least as baffling to me as they find mine.

"Oh, I can compartmentalize things some, but it feels so wrong to
think that way.

"Take this latest discovery, that someone has actually coined a term
for what a lot of people, including myself, really are in our human
relationships.  'Autogynophiliac'.

"I'm ecstatic about it, but it's more from knowing that with a term,
now people will take us seriously and see us as 'honestly different'
and not self deluded aberrations.  Then, too, I feel a lot of relief
since I can use the term and point people at the studies and
explanations."

I leaned back and gazed at the rough beamed ceiling.

"So many terms to 'define' who I am so others can convince themselves
to see me as a real person.

"Human.  Yah, I am.  Physically anyway.  I can talk with spoken words,
which is part of what it means to be human.

"I'm physically male.  Ok.  I have prick and testicles, and my body
runs on testosterone  So?  All it means is that my physical role in
species survival is to produce sperm.   Big.  Fucking.  Deal.  I'm not
impressed, even though I enjoy the sexual role that goes with having a
prick.  To tell the truth, given a choice, I'd rather be a true
hermaphrodite.  At least then I'd have the body and physical feelings
that most closely match my human personality.

"Emotionally, I'm transgendered, with all the confusion and problems
that causes me when I deal with people who can't see past my physical
form.

"Sexually, in the physical enjoyment sense, I'm bisexual.  Well, some.
Now, at last, I can say I'm an autogynophile sexually.  Nice, that.
Not a true label but at least it's a short form that people can work
from to see me as myself and it's a lot closer than any other term
I've been able to find and use.

"Then..."  I bent my head back down to look into those green eyes of
hers.  "I was a zoosexual.  I enjoyed having sexual and emotional
relationships with dogs and bitches."

That comment got her to smile and giggle, at last.  "Quite a list."

"Yeah.  Nowhere near a complete one.  I've left out the more mundane
stuff, like the facts I'm creative, proactive in outlook, a writer, an
aspiring sort-of-artist, enjoy working with my hands and building
things..."

I set my tankard on the table and leaned forward to settle my chin on
my hands.  "But you knew all that.  Helped me discover some of it."

She reached and lightly stroked my face.  "True."

I captured her hand before she could pull it away.  Whimsically.
"Mahika, Love?"

"What?"

It was my turn to reach and stroke lightly.  My smile was twisted.
"This is a vacation, right?"

"Yes."

"Tell me a story?"

Her eyes widened, then narrowed.  "I walked into that one."

I laughed.  "Not really.  Odd as it sounds, I *do* get tired of
talking about myself.  Surely there's something new you'd enjoy
sharing with me.  Something about you."

"Hmm.  Let me think about this."

I nodded.  "I'll wait."

* * *

She was still thinking while we ate breakfast.  We idly chatted about
nothing in particular but I knew she was multitasking, wandering her
memories and looking for something to share.

We were settled on the patio and I was sipping my glass of water when
she came out of her reveries.

"Do you remember our meeting with the Muses?"

I winced.  "Yes.  Quite well."

"Good.  Because, for thousands of years, I was just like them, locked
into being nothing more than a reflection of someone else's vision.  I
never realized that I could be something more, my own person.  I was
everything Shhmmm desired, and that's all I ever was.  He was the
reason I existed, and what he wanted from me was all I ever knew.  I
was the answer to his dreams, shaped energy that had no purpose, no
knowledge of my own.  I was nothing more than a fantasy given form."

She sighed and looked away.  "Until."

She paused and I wasn't really surprised to see tears form to run down
her cheeks.  I took my napkin and used it to gently wipe some of them
away bedore I reached to hold her hands in mine.

She squeezed my hands in thanks, then continued.

"I suppose, to be whimsical, I could say: 'Call him Ishmael.'  But
that's not fair to either of us.

"The nearest I can get to his name, in any modern language, is
'Mishka'."

I smiled...  "I don't know what it means, but that has the flavor of
the steppes to it.  Cold.  Freezing winters that are slow to thaw.

"Wolves.  Big wolves that can run for hours without tiring."

She laughed.  "Right part of the world.  Wrong climate and terrain.
Not wolves, exactly, but close relations, more wild than domesticated,
yet very willing to cohabit with humans."

She smiled and her face lit up with an inner joy.  "Mishka raised sled
dogs.

"He lived with them.  He was part of their lives from their births, to
their deaths.  He took his lovers from their numbers, and bonded with
one of the bitches, staying faithful until she died.  By then, of
course, another bitch would be patiently waiting, willing to wait
until it was time for her to become his partner.  Always, they were
lower ranking females from the pack, but not so low they were timid,
or fearful and, unsure of themselves.

"Each of the females who gathered around him had something special in
their personalities.  I know this will sound impossible but...  They
were canids...  And they didn't define themselves by their position in
a hierachy.  

"They were independent, individually they usually had Alpha or Beta
personalities, yet as a pack, they were incredibly cooperative.  It
took him years but when he was done, he had an all bitch sled dog team
that amazed everyone with their enthusiasm and willingness to work."

Mahika gazed out the window and fell silent.

I waited, content to hold her hands and maintain the contact while she
remembered.

"It had been thoudands of years since I was partnered with a human who
needed my...  Skills?  Support?  There was a hunger in me, for the
things only a human could give me.  Mishka wasn't an author of any
type, and his 'creativity and self-expression' was focused on the pack
he was building."

She sighed again.  "Of all the humans who generated a call I could
feel, Mishka's call was the closest, emotionally, to what I had felt
with Shhmmm."

I touched her lightly.  "So, you...  Answered it."

"Yes.  I turned myself into a bitch, then seemed to live as a free
roaming bitch, who stayed in his...  Range.  Eventually his packs
accepted me as a lower ranking member.  From there, I managed to work
my way up, until he finally noticed me, and decided to try me out as a
member of his 'special team'."

She sighed again.  "As you would expect, Miska was a lot like Shhmmm,
and you.  He was mostly conent, but even so, he hungered for more.

"And...  I had my own hunger.  Now that I was close to him, the old
needs nearly took over my life.  By then I was a lower ranking member
of his special pack, and I was content to be in that position, because
it let me focus my energy on Mishka, and unless he needed us, I could
be more or less by myself so I could savor the creative energy he
produced."

"Did you ever move up?"

"No.  I...  Sidestepped the issue.

"One evening, we were all settled around him, and he was feeling
melacholy about not having a human mate.  The call was so strong that
I gave in, at last.  I did have the sense to drift away as if I had
some business of my own to take care of.  All of us did that, so there
was nothing unusual about me leaving.  I went upwind, and let myself
become the image he dreamed of."

She smiled and bent her head.  "I don't think I consciously decided to
leave my scent alone.  Since that didn't change, none of the other
bitches reacted oddly when I walked back and waited for him to notice
me.  Several of them greeted me, and when he looked up, it was obvious
he was surprised, so I offered him a hand, and spoke to him:  'Hello,
Mishka.  I am here, at last.' "

I smiled.  "You make such a meeting sound so...  Mundane."

She laughed.  "It is, for me.  Mishka started to chide his bitches for
not alerting, and I interrupted him and said they welcomed me, because
I was one of them, and they already accepted me as a pack member."

She stopped speaking, and I let her drift in her memories until she
was ready to come back.

Eventually, she sighed.  "When I met Mishka, I was still a pure
elemental, who used other's desires to give me my shape and
personality.  Without Mishka, or someone to link myself to, I usually
stayed in the shape my last partnber had prefered, and had that
personality."

I studied her, and finally noded slightly.  "But?"
====

End: Unfinished Man and Muse Canon

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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