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Subject: {ASSM} That One 1/4 - Giles and Hester (zoo/best) TBD
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Date: Sun, 01 Apr 2012 21:10:09 -0400
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(Nineteen years earlier than the events in chapter 4...)

That One: Giles and Hester
-----


"You're fixated on me, Giles.  We both know that."

"I know, but there's more to it, now.  I want to hire you to help me
reach for my dream, and also help me find me a way to stay alive after
Ginger dies."

She sighed.  "I know about your dream, of course, but this is the
first time I've heard this approach to keeping me in your company."

"Can you get your head out of your cunt and get rid of your bias about
me, long enough to actually listen to me, enough to realize I might
have more than that in mind?"
	
She winced.  "I've been listening to your creative approaches for
about two years, Giles.  I think I've earned the right to be a little
biased by now."

"Dr. Jones.  You are a stupid, arrogant, protective bitch--who is
wasting her time if you think you can get *me* to ever sleep with a
woman again.  Let's agree to that much, and find a way to force me to
keep on living when Ginger dies, ok?"

"There's..."

"Stop right there, drop the Doctor shit, and tell me you honesty think
I'll live more than a week after Ginger dies."

The silence lengthened, lengthened some more, until it was awkward,
and she sighed and shook her head wearily.

I glared at her.  "I didn't hear you."

"No, Giles.  You won't live more than a week, after Ginger dies.  No
Doctor wants to admit they've failed."

"Thank you.  Now, are you willing to listen to me?  I think I've found
something that will make me want to go on, and you're the most
important part of it.  Sure, I'd like to develop at least a
friendship, but what I really want you to do, is be yourself, and
still do the best you can to help people like me.  Do that, and I
really don't give a damn if we ever have any sort of relationship
outside your office."

"There's no way you can afford me, not at my rates."

"Then donate your time, one fucking day a week!  Isn't my life worth
at least that much to you, if this works?  That's all I need to get
started.  

"I have a dream, and that dream is to quietly do whatever the Hell I
can, to help people who have gone through Hell, and decided, or been
forced, into zoosexuality.

"What are my chances of finding another person with your competence,
who is also realistic enough to know that if it happens, and it works
for that person, it should be encouraged,  because if that's done, the
person has a chance of regaining the humanity they know they've lost?"

I leaned back and sighed.  "Nobody's using souls for collateral, so I
had to find another way, and that's to blow my entire inheritance of
almost a million dollars, in one shot, because I figure I only have
years, before Ginger dies of old age, anyway.  When she dies, all the
money in the world wouldn't be enough to make me try to go on, and you
know it."

She leaned back and sighed again.  "Yes, Giles, I *do* know it, but I
wouldn't let myself believe it was true.  I'm not supposed to do
things like that.  I'm just getting started, and I've never failed...
Until you.  It's not a good feeling, and I've been hiding from it for
almost a year, and going through the motions with you."

I nodded tiredly.  "I know, Hester.  Don't you think I know enough by
now to know when a psychiatrist has given up?  You aren't my first
one, after all.  Just my last one, if we can't find a reason for me to
live after Ginger dies."

She smiled sadly.  "Even if I wanted the sex, and a good psychiatrist
has to face the possibility in cases like yours, I know you'll never
be able to let me stay in your bed for the cuddle and afterglow, long
enough for you to go to sleep in my arms.  Since I know how fragile
you are, I'm not worried about you doing something that I don't want,
ok?"

"Say it, Hester, since we're being honest with each other, finally."

She smiled, and there was something more than professional interest in
it.  "It is my professional opinion, which agrees with the others who
have seen you, that you'll never rape a human, male or female, for as
long as you live, in spite of your proven ability to perform the sex
act with a bitch."

"Thank you, Doctor Jones."

"Keep calling me Hester, because I'm going to take you and Ginger home
with me, and give you both the kind of relaxed dinner you haven't been
getting, recently."

I blushed.  "You checked again, when you had me under, didn't you,
Hester?"

"Of course I did."

"Thanks."

She smiled.  "Now, if you'll go back to the lobby and settle, I'll see
my last patient of the day, then we'll spend all night, if we have to,
so you can convince me I should join my dreams to yours."

"You're seriously interested?"

"I am.  Your mind is incredibly...  Skewed, when it comes to finding
ways to snatch success out of failure.  Personally, I can't see a way
for you to create a set of conditions that will let you feel like you
want to keep living after Ginger dies.  But, according to everything I
know, you shouldn't be as rational about things as you are.  I want to
know everything I can about you, in whatever time we have together,
because that knowledge *might* make it possible for me to save the
next person I meet, who is like you."

I laughed, stood, and stretched.  "Thanks, Hester.  That obsession to
help people like me, is what *might* make all my ideas work.  I'm
counting on it, as a matter of fact."

"It isn't an..."  I'd raised my eyebrows, she'd seen it happen, let
her voice trail off, then she sighed.  "Who is treating who, here?"

"Does it matter, as long as we both get what we want?"

She stood and held out her hand.  "No, it doesn't.  I'll see you...
Whenever I get done?"

I took her hand and kissed it lightly, in the old fashioned gesture
that had become a ritual for us when my therapy was over.  "Count on
it, My Lady."

Then I collected Ginger from the receptionist, and settled to catch up
on my reading while I waited, for as long as I had to.

* * *

"You're a wonderful cook, Hester.  You didn't have to go to all that
trouble."

"I did it for me, as much as I did it for you.  A chance to pretend,
ok?"

She pointed at one end of her couch.  "If you settle there, will I be
able to settle on the other end?"

I sighed.  "Haven't we been here before?  As long we're outside the
bedroom, and you don't want to sit on my lap, I'll be fine as long as
you don't reach for my crotch.  You know that."

She settled after I did, then studied me and sighed.  "A good Doctor
never gives up until her patient dies.  That wasn't part of a plan to
work you past it, ok?  I need the distance so I don't...  Decide to
let go and reach for more."

I looked at her and let my disbelief show.  "I know the double talk,
Hester.  What is it you aren't saying?"

She looked down at her shaking hands for a long time, then at me. "I'm
in love with the man you should be, and *will* be, if you find a way
to live."

It was my turn to look away for a long time.  Then I spoke wearily.
"Now I know how you feel.  We both know I'll never be able to fuck a
human, right?  That's still in the open?"

"Yes.  That's in the open."

"Ok.  Thanks.  You know what I want, right?"

"A psychiatrist willing to treat zoos as people who don't need
fixing."

"That's only part of it, now."

"Oh?"

"A multipronged approach that *might* let me believe in a future that
has me in it."

"Multipronged?  That's new."

I faced her and smiled wryly.  "You've been good for me in one
respect.  If something doesn't work, I don't hesitate to toss it out
and look for something completely new."

She had the grace to blush, and I didn't care if it was real or one
she'd manufactured.  "Thank you."

"I own five acres of land.  It's paid for, because I inherited it, so
all I do is pay the annual taxes and my utilities, which, right now, I
could do out of the interest on my inheritance, if I quit working."

"Nothing new about that."

"I know.  My highest priority is to start looking for a bitch who has
a personality as close to Ginger's as I can get.  I don't care what
breed she is, but I'm also hoping that I can breed Ginger with a dog
that will be a good enough match that one of her puppies will be close
enough to her personality that I will be willing to wait for it to
grow up."

"Nothing new, yet."

"I know.  Now, I start playing on your obsession to help people, in a
way that takes the personal stuff out of any relationship we might
form, from the beginning."

"Oh?  Sounds...  Creative."

"I like to think I've come to know you pretty well, Hester, because I
read your body language constantly, and rely on it *before* I listen
to your words."

"Took me a long time to get used to that.  Most people, I can help
with only words and tones."

I grinned.  "Because they aren't zoos."

She laughed.  "Exactly.  Until you came to me, I'd never dealt with a
patient who forced me to be honest and open with them, because they
wouldn't let me hide behind my professional mask."

"You owe me for that, Hester, because you admitted a long time ago,
that learning to deal with me, has helped you do a better job with
others.  But, I'll never call in the debt, ok?"

"I know.  You've helped me against my will, and I've failed with you,
while you've been doing everything you can to help me succeed."

"You'd do your best for free, if you knew you didn't have to worry
about a place to live, and food to eat, wouldn't you?"

She studied me, then sighed and nodded.  "I guess you really do know
me.  Of course I would."

"I want to create a charitable organization that offers services like
yours for free, but with a difference.

"I quit keeping track of how many times a patient has walked into your
office, seen Ginger with the receptionist, thought she belonged to one
of you, and then opened up when they were allowed to pet her, and she
loved them as whole heartedly as she does me.

"There are guide dogs to help the blind.  There are dogs who are
'hands' and 'feet' for the crippled.  My new dream is to create an
organization that donates 'guide dogs for the soul', to anyone who
needs one as part of their recovery.  If they turn zoo as part of that
recovery, there will be dogs available for the curious, or as
permanent partners.  I want the dogs to be already comfortable with
sexual contact with humans, and that means some sort of
familiarization, at least.

"*Any*  of the dogs and bitches we have will be trained to do what
Ginger does as naturally as she breathes, which is love anyone,
unconditionally, no matter who they are, or how traumatized they are
when she meets them, by being patient enough to keep loving them until
that barrier of fear goes down, and they reach for *your* help, if
they still need any, at that point."

I sighed.  "Finally, I want the staff psychiatrist available 24/7.  I
have the money and space to build a combination clinic and residence
for that person, somewhere on my property, if I can get the permits to
do it.  I don't think the dogs will be a problem, because there are
other kennels in the area, and most of the other people have at least
one dog.  Barking dogs are a fact of life, and people ignore them,
unless the barking is different than what they usually hear."

I looked at my hands and sighed again before I faced her.  "I've done
the math Hester, and no matter how I do it, even with a worst case
solution, financially, I can give you the building, enough medical
supplies to run a very basic medical clinic, a place to live, and a
salary of one hundred thousand a year for at least three years, based
on my worst case calculations.

"And..."  I fell silent and shivered, then looked away.  "I've already
seen my lawyer and made sure nobody will be able to break my will.  It
will all be yours, if it isn't enough to keep me alive.  The property
and any money left will be yours someday, anyway.  I made sure of that
over a year ago, because even if I don't have future, I wanted you to
have one, and there was nobody else to give it to, except family, and
I consider them useless.  Rather have the state take it over, than
leave it to any of them."

She studied me for a long time again, then took the time to curl her
legs under her and get comfortable.

"I'd like to go on thinking I really to know you, Giles, and while I'm
nearly ready to say yes, there's something missing.  We've talked
about you breeding a bloodline that would have Ginger's personality,
and we both agree that's too long term to have a chance of working.
Tell me the rest."

I shook my head wearily. "What we've already talked about, and you've
refused.  Hypnosis, whatever we can do to design blocks and
compulsions that will force me to keep going."

"Let's say I agree to do that for you.  How do you expect me to
'implant'  long term compulsions in a mind as rational and pragmatic
as yours is?"

"If I live, you'll be able to maintain them.  If not...

"It won't matter, will it?"

She sighed.  "Give me a few minutes of silent companionship.  I have a
vague idea I need to look at immediately.  It's one I don't like, but,
we're out of time, and I know it.  I can't promise anything, of
course, but...  Ok.  I'm in with you, all the way, with my full
support.  One more thing.  Before we get off this couch, I will
probably need to put you under, as if I was working with you in my
office."

I shrugged.  "I already know you can do that without my permission.
You *need* to be able to do it without my knowledge.  How come the
attack of nerves?"

"Because, if I decide I can manage to justify something to *myself*, I
need some answers, and the only way I can get them is unethically. All
I can do is promise to share anything I learn with you, because both
of us need to know those answers if we're to have any hope of making
my very, very unethical idea work, eventually."

"Can you give me a hint?"

"If you live, the Ginger you remember, will not be the one who has
kept you alive.  Are you willing to pay that price, so long as the
memories are mostly the same?"

"What memories are you thinking about taking away from me?"
	
"I don't know, yet."

"Trust you to have my best interests in mind, again?"

"Our best interests, Giles.  If I screw this up badly enough, I will
destroy both of our lives so completely I might as well join you in
your death."

"Do it."

* * *
 
I turned to look out the window while I waited for Hester to make her
decision, and I sighed.  "It's daylight.  Did you find out what you
needed to know?"

"I did."

When she spoke she sounded tired, so I turned to look at her, froze,
recovered, and then spoke gently.  "I can see you aren't ok.  You look
exhausted."

She spoke simply, again.  "I am.  I found out what I needed to know,
found a surprise, and spent the night doing what I could in case a
very unlikely scenario happened."

"What did you do?"

"Used your trust, to find out how long you'd live after Ginger dies,
if we do nothing."

I shuddered.  "And?"

"Which do you want to hear first?  How long, or how?"

"Can you block my memories so I don't remember this conversation?"

"I promise I can, if you want me to, yes."

"Tell me how long.  I have a vivid imagination.  I don't want to know
how I'd do it."

She smiled slightly.  "You're a very creative person, Giles.  I'll
leave it at that.  The longest I could get you to survive was five
minutes after you knew she was dead.  I spent most of the night
fighting your mind, to see if I could gain you that week we have
always assumed you'd probably have.  I did, barely."

"Thank you.  What next?"

"I called the office and told them to start calling my patients to let
them know that as soon as the paperwork is done and my new clinic is
built, their treatment options will no longer depend on their
financial situation."

"I assume you want to stay there, until then?"

"No.  While you were under, we decided the best solution is to stay
there until you can get the permits to put in a temporary office
trailer, and I would move into your spare bedroom.  I took you deep
enough to learn you really only have problem when the woman is in your
bedroom when you need to sleep.  As long as you can lock the door,
with Ginger in the room, you're ok with a woman in the house."

I studied her and sighed.  "You must have done some very rough
therapy, to get me that far in one night."

She bent her head so we couldn't see each other's eyes.  "I can remove
the blocks if you want me to.  I did what I had to do to give us time
to discuss ways to keep you alive.  If it works, someday you might pay
heavily when those blocks finally erode away, if I haven't replaced
them with something better, or we've found a way to work you past your
fears until I can safely remove them.  If they don't work...  

"At least I'll know I did the best I could, with your consent, and
that sometimes, there's nothing a Doctor can do."

She brought her head up, and smiled.  "Someday, I hope I'm able to
stroke your face and thank you for being able to convince me that if
all this doesn't work, I shouldn't second guess myself and feel like I
must have done something wrong.  A Doctor can't save everyone they
treat, and that's a fact of life I need to internalize someday, so why
not start now?"

I smiled.  "One of my creative approaches got you into my life, after
all.  I'll take it.  What now?"

She giggled.  "We go see your lawyer so I can sign all the paperwork,
of course.  I took the day off so I could 'attend to matters of a
personal nature'."

* * *

Five weeks after we made the decision, we were walking through
Hester's fully ready clinic, complete with her original staff.

She was standing on the porch for the entrance and looking at the
house when she spoke quietly.  "It's amazing, what you can do when you
don't have to worry about money, isn't it?  I don't know how much you
spent on this modular building, of course, but I do have a money
related question."

"Figured you might, and I've run the numbers daily."

She glanced at me and smiled.  "How long do we have to make it work?"

"Assuming you keep the same staff, with modest raises to keep up with
inflation, and NO income at all, we have four years.  Donations extend
that, of course.  If you change your mind about your salary, that
could add up to several more years, depending on how much you cut it.
Plus, I have my lawyer looking into things like having insurance
companies pay for anything they cover, while we provide anything else
you feel is required, for free.  Those numbers assume you're careful
about those initial exams when you decide if you want them as
patients, or not.  I suggest that for now, you limit yourself to
maintaining your current workload.  I ran the numbers based on
replacement due to attrition."

"Cut my salary eighty percent for now.  We need the money for more
important things, and if this doesn't work I get it back in a lump sum
payment.  If it works...  We'll be too busy to spend the money we
could give ourselves."

"Thanks, Hester."

"What about the dogs?"

"Limited to ten during those years, if we don't see any outside money
come in.  We'll need volunteer or patient handlers, and we will keep
the dogs here, under our control, for now.  I want to be able to have
teams we send out, but finding the right dogs and people is going to
take time.  I'm anticipating teams sometime in the second year.  For
now, it will be Ginger and I, with your help, plus three or four dogs
and bitches I handle, if I find any with the right personalities."

She turned away and sighed.  "I've decided to specialize, if I can
keep Ginger with the receptionist, when she isn't with you.  Better
would be if you're there, too, as her owner-handler.  Took some fast
talk with my insurance rep, but I convinced them to keep my premiums
the same, since there are other things they'd be unlikely to pay out
on, such as after hours burglary.  And I'm sorry about making her wear
a muzzle when she's in the clinic."

I chuckled.  "She got used to the muzzle a long time ago, and you know
it.  Keeps bending it because she figured out she can use it to
protect her nose when she opens doors when she's in a hurry."

She laughed.  "Pre opening jitters.  I wasn't this nervous when I was
fresh out of school, and welcoming my first patient."

Then she turned and faced me  "I wish...  Someday, Giles, we're going
to find a way for you to let yourself touch the women you decide to
love."

"Thanks, Hester.  All I ask is that you let me remember it happening,
and it's you, no matter what our true relationship is."

"It will be me, and you'll remember it.  I promise."

Then she turned practical.  "Now, I'd appreciate it if you move, so I
can go back inside and shut everything down, then I'll lock up and
we'll go home."

* * *

A month later I was on the couch fucking Ginger when Hester walked in
unannounced, and she had a young woman with her.  "Relax, Giles.  This
is Cynthia, and she has some questions I can't answer.  Go ahead and
finish.  She needs to see it all."

I smiled and paused what I was doing.  "Hello, Cynthia.  It will take
me ten to twenty minutes, and Hester has watched often enough I've
learned to ignore an audience, so what you see will be the same as
when we're in bed together, ok?"

She barely nodded and after that she seemed to focus on where we were
joined, so I looked at Hester.  "Hard, or gentle?"

Hester thought about it, studied Cynthia, then looked at me and smiled
slightly.  "I didn't expect to find the two of you like this.  Start
over.  Seduce Ginger, then gentle as long as you can, and if she's
willing, stay coupled and share the afterglow."

I nodded.  "Ginger's favorite way to do it, when she's in the mood,
and she is."

I smiled at Cynthia again.  "I was taking a nap, and she woke me up by
nosing my crotch."

I withdrew, then shifted so I could work Ginger for awhile, while I
also petted her. Eventually, I gently moved her so I could kneel on
the floor with her on the couch...

And I slowly fucked her while I rubbed her chest and stomach, before I
couldn't focus on anything except my own orgasm.

By then I was bent over slightly, and driving into her strongly.

I orgasmed, and once it was over, I sighed and petted Ginger some
more, until it was obvious she'd gone to sleep.

I spoke in a normal tone of voice.  "It's normal for her to do that,
as long as I leave my penis in her.  When I fuck her in bed, and our
position allows it, we go to sleep together and when I wake up,
sometimes we make love again, and if she doesn't need to go outside,
we'll stay connected and go back to sleep."

Hester touched Cynthia's arm gently.  "A man who fucks a bitch can
still love a human."

Cynthia shuddered, then brought her head up so she could meet my eyes.
"Dr. Jones says you're afraid to go to sleep with a woman in your
bedroom."

"As l long as she's there, or I can't lock her out, I can't let myself
go to sleep.  Has Dr. Jones shown you my bedroom, yet?"

"Yes.   You have locks on anything big enough for a person to get
through."

"I use them all, every time I'm ready to go to sleep, even if it's a
nap."

"What about when you fuck Ginger?"

I sighed.  "Yes.  Even if Hester isn't here."

Cynthia sighed and looked down.  "None of those questions are the
question I wanted to ask."

We waited and finally she looked up.  "Dr. Jones said you might be
able to help me choose a dog, then help both of us learn how to make
love to each other.  She thinks..."

She shook head helplessly, and Hester pulled her into a hug and let
her cry for awhile before she looked at me, and I could see a hint of
fear in her eyes when she spoke calmly.  "Her boyfriend convinced her
to go on a vacation with him, then he and his friends spent two weeks
in the mountains keeping her tied and gagged unless they were feeding
her, and they raped her any time they felt the need.  Only reason it
stopped was that a Forest Ranger happened to hike in instead of drive
and he saw what was going on, so he called the police in while he kept
an eye on things.

"She was lucky.  They weren't going to let her live, and they taunted
her with it, by talking about the different ways they might kill her."

I'd winced partway through Hester's explanation, then I sighed after
she finished    "Can't be touched by men, and you feel a dog is the
right choice?"

"Yes.  There's more.  This might be a chance for both of you to find
enough separation so you can let someone of the opposite sex touch
you, since it will be a supervised student-teacher relationship.

"How do you feel about the idea of Cynthia exploring Ginger while
you're still connected, if that exploration includes feeling where the
two of you are joined?"

I thought about it, and imagined different types of contact, and
sighed.  "I'm willing to try it, as long as she doesn't try to get me
hard because she wants me to make love to her.  If it's for Ginger...
You know I fantasize about meeting a woman who accepts what Ginger and
I do, and helps us."

"I do, and that is what I think may make this work, for both of you."

The next day, I was on the payroll as her assistant, and Cynthia was
learning obedience training with Klaus, a male dog we'd found at a
kennel.

Eventually, Hester set an afternoon and evening aside so we could try
to add the sexual stuff, and after several false starts, Cynthia and I
learned our limits of contact.

On the night Cynthia let Klaus fuck her for the first time, after the
two of them went to sleep together in the spare bedroom, I put
Ginger's muzzle on and settled on the couch with my back to Hester.
Ginger was stretched out on her back, in front of me

"Hester?  How fast can you put me under?"

"Only takes a single word, and I can freeze you, if I have to."

"Good.  I also feel pretty good because of how well Cynthia is doing."

"I assumed you might be, when I saw the muzzle on Ginger."

"I think I'll feel even better if you rub the kinks out of my
shoulders."

"You sure you want me to come in from behind you?"

"Yes.  That way you can't reach my crotch."

"I'm leaning forward slowly and my hand is just above your shoulder.
Turn your head to the right if you want to see it and watch it land."

I did, and it was about an inch above my shoulder when I whispered
'stop' and she froze.

I stared at it for awhile, then shivered.  "Touch me, lightly."

She did and I whimpered enough that Ginger opened her eyes so she
could see what was going on.

I spoke in a whisper.  "Get it off.  Forget the shoulder rub, but
thanks, anyway.  Don't put me under, yet.  I think I can deal with
this on my own."

Hester left the couch and busied herself in the kitchen while I shook
and fought with my emotions.

Such a *simple* action, and it took everything I had to keep from
curling up in a near catatonic ball, and whimpering my fear.

When I started to come out of it, I noticed Cynthia and Klaus on the
floor in front of me.  She was petting him, but watching me.  "You
tried, right?"

She didn't ask me what I tried.

"Hester tell you?"

"Didn't need to."

"Yeah, guess you wouldn't need to ask, would you?"

My hand went to my shoulder and I sighed.  "I nearly lost it when she
put her hand on my shoulder."

"You love Hester, don't you?"

"Yeah.  I did *her*, too.   Thought she loved me.  She only loved part
of me and decided she didn't want to let go of it when I decided I
didn't want to marry her, after all."

"Hester ever let you see any of her records?"

"No.  Not even yours.  Patient has to agree to let me see them.  So
far, she hasn't felt the need for my advice."

"She let me read yours, after she told me I had an alternative to
shivering in fear every time I saw a man.  They had to blindfold me
when they brought me here, it was a female nurse who acted as my
guide, and I was nearly catatonic when they got me in her treatment
room, anyway."

"It's inadequate, but...  I'm sorry."

"I believe you.  Want to know why, other than the fact I can't help
knowing where your head's at because we pretty much had the same
things happen to us?"

"If you want to tell me, yes."

"Lots of reasons, but I'll tell you one, for now.  When was the last
time you heard of a suicide taking the time to make their death mean
something to the rest of the world, in a supportive way?  Don't
suicides always want others to hurt, too, because they want to be
remembered in death, because they weren't remembered while they were
alive?"

Hester must have opened her mouth to speak because Cynthia spoke
firmly.  "Stay out of this.  This is between us, right now."

I smiled a little tightly.  "Brave woman, to tell her that."

"If she's talking, she can't take more notes.  Maybe she'll learn
something by letting us have a heart to heart that isn't directed
where she wants it to go."

I couldn't stop my chuckle.  "Go on."

"I was a graveyard waitress at a coffee shop.  I'm sure you know the
type.  Dead of night.  Lonely, just me and the cook and maybe a night
manager who was usually sleeping.  Woman hears a lot of pain, a lot of
joy.  I said goodbye to several suicides.  I was the faceless one who
served them their last meal, and took the time to talk to them as
people.  Hurts, to know that I was the last friendly voice they heard,
in some cases."

"Anyway, I figure I owe you my sanity, and probably my life, because
Hester knows you, and you had the courage to...  Set up the clinic for
her.

"My point is, you need something you know you'll live for when Ginger
dies, right?"

"We're working on that."

"Good."

Then she shrugged and stood up.  "I like the feel of fur, and his legs
wrapped around me, jerking me onto his dick.  Sure, it's physical and
you'd think I'd be screaming, but I don't.  Weird, how raw sex from a
dog doesn't set off any flashbacks, even though on the outside it
looks like he might as well be raping me.  How'd you know that would
work for some people?"

I sighed.  "I didn't.  I just wanted people in pain to know they have
someone available, who will help them consider all the options there
are."

"Thanks, again.  Maybe you should teach Hester what it's all about, by
letting her feel you and Ginger up when you're fucking her.  Purely
professional, of course, so she has a better chance of knowing what
she's talking about when she talks to other men like you.  Make it
easier for people to trust she knows what she is talking about when
she makes the suggestion that they try learning how to love a dog."

She smiled bitterly.  "But then I always did trust people too easily,
anyway. So I listened even though she admitted she'll never try it
herself, and she's only watched you and Ginger."

She turned away to head for the bedroom.  "Heel, Klaus.  You need some
more spoiling, and I need a cuddle."

We watched them leave, then Hester sighed.  "It was like listening to
a foreign language.  Did you follow what she was trying to say?"

"Maybe.  Essentially, we're doing things backwards.  I can handle a
clinical, impersonal touch if I know the woman isn't interested in me.
She's saying we should try building on that."

Hester figured it out, finally.  "Go back to the infatuation, and let
me teach you how to love a human.  It would mean taking away all the
progress you've made."

"Into a dead end, right?  Sometimes you have to back up until you can
go forward again.  

Her eyes went wide, then she sighed.  "I'm an idiot.  All these years,
and nobody saw it."

"Saw what?"

"The follow up exams after the reattachment surgery.  You never had
problems when the Surgeon, or her nurses, checked your progress,
right?"

"Nervous as hell the first few times, but...  no.  Not that I
remember, unless you blocked something."

"I haven't touched those memories."

"Where are you going with this?"

"How do you feel about me calling her, while you're in the exam room,
and getting her authorization to do some follow up exams of your penis
and scrotum?"

"I haven't needed any for several years. But...  How much of that is a
ploy, and how much is a serious attempt at treatment?"

"I want to put the contact in a clinical context, to get you used to a
woman touching you.  We start with your penis, because the woman isn't
trying to seduce you and get past your defenses."

"You've never seen the scars up close, have you?"

"Not even when I've had you under."

"Ever seen any man, up close, who almost lost his dick?"

"No."

"Didn't think so."

"Oh?"

"You're too clinical about it.  The Surgeon and her nurse see it all
the time, so they can separate themselves from their feelings.  I
asked."

I stood and let my robe fall from my body.  "Take a look, Hester.  Do
what you have to, to get up close so you can study things.  I need to
know what a *real* woman thinks, after she's seen what other women are
capable of."

"You sure?"

"Better you, than the coroner.  Maybe this is some of that 'make
people hurt because of my death', that Cynthia mentioned."

She knelt reached, paused, looked at me, and after I whispered 'do
it', she finished reaching.

She touched my penis and I flinched, then touched her hand with one of
mine.  "Go ahead.  What could you do that hasn't already been done,
right?  If you do, I know you're not going to try and save me.  All I
ask is that you keep Ginger and take care of her for me."

"That's cruel.  To me."

"You're still holding my prick gently, aren't you?"

She looked at our hands.  "And you're still touching me.  It worked."

"Explore me, Hester.  Don't avoid looking, any more."

I removed my hand, and she started examining me impersonally, but by
the time she got to my scrotum she was moaning her emotional pain, and
eventually, after she'd had enough, she let go, slumped into herself,
and started weeping her pain.

Cynthia rushed in  a few seconds later and looked us over, then knelt
to comfort Hester before she looked up at me.

"What happened?"

"I let Hester handle my prick so she could get a close look at my
scars."

"How close?"

"Hands on.  Inches."

She looked at Hester, then at my crotch.  "Some of that suicide
stuff?"

"I said it might be, but I don't really know.  Partly, I wanted to
know what a real woman thinks and feels when she sees them."

"MInd if I look, as long as I'm down here?"

I was in some sort of detached 'no longer care' state, so I shrugged.
"What could you possibly do that hasn't already been tried?  If you
decide they don't belong there, let me bleed to death, and help Hester
take care of Ginger."

She shook her head.  "Sure, I hate pricks if they're on a man.  If
someone had given me a way, I would have emasculated all of them.  But
you know something?  You're so limp I'll have to dig it out from where
it's hiding.  They got off on my pain.  Big difference."

She reached, had to stretch me so she should see the scars at the base
of my penis, then she let go and explored my scrotum.  Eventually she
wrapped her hand around the base of it, squeezed gently, studied the
matching scars, then sighed and let go.

"I could never be that cruel.  She wanted to take away your penis, but
leave your balls.  Thanks for letting me look.  I just realized there
are some things I'll never be able to do, now, and one of them is that
I could never bring myself to deliberately hurt a man's crotch, no
matter how much I hate him."

She looked up and let me see her tears.  "Go to bed.  One of us will
knock and let you know when Hester is ready to talk about it."

I went outside with Ginger while she went to the bathroom, then we
went back inside.  When I looked and saw them on the couch, Cynthia
had Hester in her arms and when her eyes met mine, she shook her head
tiredly, so I went to my bedroom.

When I reached to lock my door I stopped and studied it, then sighed
and left it cracked while hoping Hester, at least, would understand
the invitation.  After all, if she really wanted to, she could put me
under while she did whatever she wanted, which included making me open
the door.

It was time I faced reality no matter what the cost was.  Hell, maybe
we'd find a better reason for me to live, than Ginger.

We made love, Ginger cleaned us both up, then she let me spoon against
her back and cry myself to sleep.

* * *

A light knock on the door frame and movement of the bed woke me up.

By the time I rolled over to see who it was, Ginger was gone.

"Good morning, Hester.  Sorry about last night."

"Don't be.  It had to happen.  You were right.  I was arrogant and
selfish.  I'm on your side, now."

"Oh?"

"Been some changes while you were asleep."

"Good ones?"

"Cynthia's on the payroll as a receptionist and therapy assistant. She
agreed to minimum wage, if we'll let her live in the spare bedroom,
for now.  She makes a persuasive argument, too, about living here.
Same one you used on me. and she came up with it on her own. She needs
to be available 24/7 if she's going to be helping us."

I chuckled.  "You didn't need to ask for my approval.  It's your
clinic, and you know we were planning on finding someone like her,
eventually."

"Not this soon."

"True.  Anything else?"

"I think we found a way to make you decide to live."

I nodded.  "Let me get up.  Cynthia here?"

"Yes.  She wants to help, and she also wants to be there at the
beginning, so she knows what she's talking about if we ever offer it
to someone else."

"You've seen me naked, so's she.  Let me have time to do the usual
morning stuff, and I'll join you in the kitchen for breakfast."

"We've eaten, so cook for yourself."

"Smart woman.  Thanks."

"Welcome, Giles."

She turned and walked away.

They both glanced at me when I entered the kitchen, then went back to
their discussion while I fixed my breakfast.

Eventually I settled at the table, and they focused on me.

Hester watched me settle, then she spoke.  "Ready for that possible
solution?"

I took a few bites, then nodded.  "Go."

"I want to redirect the normal human desire to find a mate."

"Doesn't sound new."

"Next time she's in heat, be sure to breed Ginger, so there are some
of her puppies around when she dies, and you've had time to shift some
of your love to at least one of them."

That made me stop eating, and I sat up and studied her face.  "I don't
need to ask if you're serious, but what made you change your mind
about transferring my affection?

"It ties in.  You need to internalize the fact you can love someone
else as much as you do Ginger, and you need to do that before she
dies.  If it's one of her puppies, I think she'll accept the sharing
of affection, and that will help get rid of the feeling that you're
betraying her memory."

"Ok.  But the redirect stuff?"

"You and I are going to spend time creating your ideal bitch, then I'm
going give you a mild compulsion to go looking for her after Ginger
dies, because you *know* she's out here, somewhere."

"So you've given up on me ever finding a woman?"

"It hurts, but yes."

"Tell me what changed your mind?"

"Thank Cynthia.  She suggested that you don't really need a woman who
loves you, in your life, you need *women* who love you."

"Oh?"

"Yes.  If they love you, and they fight over you, they won't try to
keep you for themselves as individuals, and they won't attempt to hurt
you, because they won't want any of the others to retaliate at them,
through you."

I studied Cynthia until her head came up defiantly.   "I want to help
people.  Might as well start with you, since I owe you more than
money.  If I help Hester succeed, you're around for me to lean on, and
you'll be there for Hester and others.  If I make the mistake that
kills you, I'll never be able to know for certain it was me, because
you were dying anyway, so if we don't get it right, I won't be doing
the 'what if' stuff and fucking up my life.  Win some, lose some,
right?"

I sighed.  "You left something out, didn't you?  Stuff about probably
not being around to live with your mistakes, because, if you screw it
up, you probably won't outlive Klaus by any longer than it takes you
to find a way to join him, which means that in about ten years, tops,
the pain will be over no matter what you do?"

She gasped, then bent her head and started crying.  Hester reached and
lifted her head so their eyes would meet.  "I warned you, that he'd
spot it."

She sighed. and looked at me.  "How?  It's Hester's job to be able to
spot that stuff.   But you barely know me, really."

"Two ways.  Hester said they talked about killing you anyway, and I
have, to paraphrase Hester, a skewed and creative way of finding
solutions that work, when all anyone else sees is failure.   Men who
know they are going to kill the woman they raped, are probably going
to work her over mentally and wind up taunting her with whatever death
horrifies her the most, like the woman was starting to do to me, when
Ginger knocked her away from me."

I sighed.  "Do I have to lay it out for you?  I'm inside your head,
because I've been there.  Only difference was that she wanted me to
live after she got done."

She finally nodded.   "The other way?"

"Did Hester tell you she was seriously considering dropping me as a
patient?"

"No.  Why?"

I shrugged.  "Let her tell you, because you won't believe me if I do."

"Hester?"

"The day we first met, I tried to use the normal Doctor stuff on him
and he told me to 'shut the fuck up and be honest' because it was a
woman's lies that fucked him up.    I tried again, and he proceeded to
prove it was impossible for me to lie to him, and it was, as he
bitterly pointed out, because he was in love with Ginger, and it was
the only way they could talk to each other.

"If anyone knows the signs of the same sort of love in another person,
Giles would."

Cynthia finally sighed and bent her head.  "You did warn me about the
honesty my new love would force on me."

"Still want Klaus in your life as your husband?"

Cynthia managed a weak giggle,  "Silly, isn't it?  If Giles can do it,
I can, too.  Can't let a man prove he's better than I am."

Hester was smiling.  "Good!  I can work with that!"

We all started laughing, the dogs relaxed and started demanding
attention, that relaxed us even more, until Hester decided to sober us
up a little.  "Been some other changes, Giles."

I looked up at Hester.  "Do I need to remind you, already?  Go ahead
and grin."

She did, then giggled like a teenager.

Eventually she sobered enough to speak.  "Cynthia figured she had
nothing to lose, so she called her insurance company and told them I
was really helping her, and that she wanted to know if they'd donate
anything if she agreed to take part in a long term therapy program to
find out the feasibility of encouraging zoosexuality, as part of the
recovery process, because it was working for two people already, and
her therapist had the records to prove it."

After I recovered from my shock, I spoke one word.  "And?"

"By the time we hung up, they'd decided that if it worked, since it
was legal in this state, they'd find us all the patients we need, and
pay ALL of the clinic expenses for ten years, to make sure we had a
chance to do the kind of long term follow up work it would take to
make sure we'd know it works, or not.  That includes some pretty hefty
salaries, because they know it's going to be difficult for us to find
people who will accept the working conditions.  I pointed out that
we'd probably be turning people away once we started curing people,
because quite a few of them would want to pay us back by helping as
volunteers."

She smiled. "I sweetened the deal by pointing out they'd only have to
cover what was left after we used the donations to pay our bills, and
that the clinic was already paid for, so the only expenses we have are
operating ones."

She grinned again.  "We have our first corporate sponsor--and they
didn't tie the payments to our success rate!"

My jaw dropped, then I recovered it from the floor.  "I gotta ask how
you managed that."

Cynthia laughed.  "Blame me.  I told them I was already working for
you full time after seeing Hester for ten weeks, so they wouldn't need
to pay her unless they wanted to make it a donation, because she was
already treating me for free.

"The accountant ran the numbers, and decided we only had to take on
twelve of their people a year for them to break even, and it didn't
matter if we helped anyone or not, because if they contributed enough
to pay our costs, they'd go from variable expenses, to fixed ones they
could predict, and it was deductible, because we're a legit 501c."

I laughed.  "A bean counter's dream.  Win-win no matter what we do
with the money."

I finally sobered and looked at Hester.  "Now, what?"

"We get dressed and go to work, like always.  Nothing changes for you,
so you can be thinking about your 'perfect bitch' when you have any
spare time."

She was smiling when she looked at Cynthia.  "For you, there are some
online courses I can afford to let you take, now, so you can learn how
to be my therapy assistant, and get the piece of paper that will let
you work alone, when you have to."

"Yes!  Thank you!"

She was floating when she left, and Klaus was bouncing all around her
as they headed for her room.

* * *

We let my lawyer deal with the insurance company, and when he was
done, we had an agreement for them to donate a minimum of five million
dollars, in annual payments of five hundred thousand a year.

After that, everyone would go to the table again.

Four months later, Hester's original receptionist, Mary, gave notice
and quit when her husband got a job offer in another city.

We threw them a farewell party, gave her a 'service above and beyond'
bonus to help them move and survive the transition, then Cynthia took
over her duties.

It was about 11 months into the first year when a husband and wife
brought their son to us, because 'You're free, and you have a
reputation for helping the ones who are hopeless, if the therapy uses
conventional techniques.'

After Hester took their son, Mark, for a tour of the premises, Lori
turned to me and held out her hand after she glanced at Cynthia.
"Thank you, for what you put together."

I shook my head slightly.  "Sorry, I can't make casual contact with
random women, yet.  I'm one of Hester's patients, even though I work
full time as one of her assistants.  You're welcome.  We'll do the
best we can.  Mark is willing to talk and go through the motions, and
we can work with that."

By the time I'd finished, her eyes  had narrowed and she was studying
me intently.  "You wouldn't happen to be the Giles Kimmerling who got
his prick almost removed, would you?"

I sighed.  "I am.  Nobody has made the connection, before."

"You be ok if you and I take a short walk so we can talk privately?"

"As long as Ginger is with me, and you don't try to touch me, I'll be
fine.  If this is about your son, the law requires me to make notes
later."

"This is personal, for you.  You might need to share it with your
therapist.  I'll trust your judgment, but I really don't want anyone
else to know I passed it on."

I smiled a little tensely.  "I'm sorta fragile, in some ways, so maybe
we should have Cynthia with us.  She and I know pretty much everything
about each other, already, and we spend a lot of time talking with
each other after we go home.  She's been renting the spare bedroom
ever since we started helping each other, with Hester's supervision."

Cynthia spoke up when the woman hesitated.  "Things are supposed to be
normal, today, so my assistant can take over.  If she needs me, she'll
page me."

Lori finally nodded and turned to her husband.  "Shouldn't take long."

"I'll stay here and wait.  Take as long as you need.  Never thought
about the name, only the cost and their reputation."

Once we were outside she looked around.  "Where can we go so we won't
be overheard?"

I looked at Cynthia.  "Our kitchen?  Make this a working break?"

"Works for me.  I'll make us all some light salads and bring some back
for everyone else."

I looked back.  "Well?"

Lori studied me again, and sighed.  "I need to see this.  Shape you
were in, everyone figured you'd be dead, nearly catatonic around
women, or isolated somewhere.  To hear you casually talking about
being alone with two women is...  A miracle, and maybe I can finally
believe there are miracle workers out there for our son.  Let's go."

Cynthia giggled.  "Ginger will be there, but I don't need her
protection.  We trust each other because we've given each other the
chance to finish what someone else started, so we could get revenge
for what was done to us.

"That was when I found out that I could never hate a man enough to
want to damage his crotch.  Just the opposite.  If I was there, I'd
die to protect it for him, if he couldn't."

"A warning?"

"Yep.  You know what happened, sounds like, so if I tell you that's
the same Ginger who nearly got killed, you'll know that even if you
wanted to do something, you'll have two other people to worry about
besides Giles, and *he* is already a brown belt and knows how to read
your body language as soon as you make your decisions."

I chuckled.  "Relax, Cynthia.  She just wants to help, because she was
probably one of the women who decided to finish what Ginger started.
Naturally, I want to know about it."

She froze.  "How?"

"You're a logical killer, not an assassin, if you've killed at all,
which I seriously doubt.  You need a reason for most everything you
do, right?  Whatever it was that you were in for, you must have known
what you were doing, and why.  You wouldn't be on the streets, if you
hadn't."

She sighed. and started moving again.  "Is it always like that for
you?  Must make you hard to live with."

Cynthia shook her head.  "Not if you're a survivor.  You both know you
know the truth about each other, and with that kind of proven honesty,
you can let yourself learn to trust again.  The dogs help a lot, too."

We settled at the table and watched Cynthia do our salads, then she
settled and we ate in silence until Lori leaned back and smiled.
"Thanks.  Guess you folks know what you're doing, after all."

I shrugged.  "It's not us, usually.  It's the dogs.  My idea, based on
things Ginger does around people, plus mostly my ideas about some
other stuff.  Hester does therapy work, of course, but she's been
shifting her focus to being supportive, as we get the dogs trained."

"But!..."

Then she sighed.  "Later."

She eyed Cynthia.  "Survivor, huh?  Maybe you shouldn't be here for
this, because those of us who killed her, took an oath, that if we
ever met Giles, we'd tell him the truth that wasn't in the papers."

Cynthia took a few more bites of her salad.  "Three men I trusted took
me to the mountains and raped me for two weeks.  They broke me, then
kept right on breaking me by taunting me with the ways they might kill
me when they were done with me.   They weren't as creative as Giles,
but they were clear enough.  I'm still here, and working to help
people, a lot of those people are men, and a few of them have told me,
in great detail, what they wanted to do to the women who made them who
they are now.  Happens with women, too.  Survivors...  Understand each
other, and once we unload to someone we know understands, it's easier
to reach for help."

Lori sighed and faced me.  "I was there, and helped hold her down.  If
you'd been a man who abused her, I would have been helping her find
ways to finish what she started."

I nodded.  "Figured it was something like that, because the details of
her death were...  'Sparse'."

She laughed.  "We did what we could to send a message, that no matter
how pissed you get with a man who has treated you right otherwise, you
don't try to cut his prick off."

I snorted.  "You can find honor in places you wouldn't think to look,
can't you?"

She sighed.  "Yes, you can, even when some of the women involved used
their fingernails to kill their abusive husbands."

I spoke gently.  "So you helped.  Want some free therapy while you're
here?  Off the record?"

"I'll talk to my husband, ok?  He knows I left part of me in there,
but no details."

She looked down at her clenched hands.  "I can see it all, as if I'm
living it again.  Is that what they call a flashback?"

Cynthia reached.  "Honey, all I can tell you is maybe.  I think it's
just a vivid memory, for now, since you're still able to talk about
it."

"Thanks."

She shivered, then looked at me.  "Even inside, you can make
connections.  Some of us made them, and enough of the guards were...
willing to be somewhere else.  Cost a girl her anal virginity, to a
dildo, to get some injectable local anesthetic, but she figured the
price was cheap, since she went willingly, instead of being raped."

I had raised my eyebrows, and when she paused to collect herself, I
interrupted her.  "Anesthetic?  She didn't use any on me."

She smiled.  "We wanted her to be alive and able to understand what we
were doing, until we were willing to let her die, that's all."

I shuddered.  "Never give a rapist to a woman, if you feel any mercy
at all."

"Exactly."

I looked at Cynthia, who nodded slowly.  "Can't get me to leave, now.
Go on, if you're able."

She nodded.  "Not much to tell.  We jumped her one night, while she
was bragging again.  Stapled her eyes open, injected the anesthetic,
and waited for it to work.  I held her head so she could watch,
because I was the strongest."

She sighed and looked down for awhile.  "Then...  The two of us with
nothing to lose used their fingernails to tear her stomach open until
they could rip her uterus out and show it to her, so she'd know what
it had felt like when she did it to you.

"Then...  I don't know how long she lived, because we left her there
so she'd die alone, screaming for someone to help her."

I nodded.  "And nobody came, of course."

"Of course."

I reached and touched her joined hands.  "I dreamed, of course.  To
know for certain that there are women capable of killing one of their
own...  I'll take it, and thank you.  Maybe I can let go of something
that's been holding me back, all these years.  Time will tell."

She looked down.  "You're touching me!"

"It's easy, now.  I don't love you, and in my mind, we've been helping
you, more than we have me.  Catharsis.  I don't hate you for becoming
the person you needed to be to survive and look in your mirror without
cringing."

She whimpered and clutched my hand.  "Please.  I don't care about me.
Just help our son."

Cynthia leaned over and put her hand on top of mine.  "We'll do our
best.  We always do, and there's no charge, ever.  We all feel lives
are too precious to put a number on what they are worth, so we don't.
Makes it easier for all of us, most of the time."

"That was the main reason we chose you people.  You're free.  We never
dreamed 'free' would include...  Treating us as if we had the money to
afford anything it takes."

I chuckled.  "You aren't the first person to wonder about that.  I had
the money to give us about four years of working for free.  We got
lucky, and early on we got our first corporate sponsor, for some long
term research.  They decided to donate enough to pay all our clinic
expenses, including salaries.  Hester will know, long before then, if
she should try and keep it open."

"What about you?  It was your money."

I sighed.  "We don't know, yet.  We have some hope I'll be alive to
see it, but we won't know until Ginger actually dies and takes away
the only reason I'm still alive.  I love her like a would a wife. When
I lose her..."

"My god...  Wife?  The sex and...  Everything?  Is that what you're
offering my son right now?"

"Not yet.  But, if it's what it takes, yes, without hesitation and
with enough information he can make an informed choice.  If he does,
and you cannot accept it, we'll support him, not you.  Quite honestly,
we don't care about any child's parents, except peripherally, because
a lot of the time, the parents are the root cause of the kid's
problems.  We're here to save people's lives or help them learn to
cope and keep living, so they can find a way to become functional
human beings again.  For most people, sexual involvement with the dogs
is temporary when it happens, until they are able to accept human
relationships again."

She shivered, then looked at Cynthia.  "You?"

"Yes.  Without Klaus as my husband, I wouldn't be here, helping your
son, and you."

She finally nodded wearily.  "I think Herbert and I will need some of
that free support.  Do whatever it takes with my...  support.  You're
right.  This is for our son, not us, and we swore to each other we'd
do whatever it takes, no matter what it was."

I smiled and chuckled.  "Ginger!"

She alerted and I pointed at our guest.  "Time for some of your
therapy, girl."

Seconds later her tongue was busy and our guest had her arms wrapped
around Ginger while she was crying tears of release.

We let her have all the time she needed, and she finally slowed down
and stopped.

She touched her face and Cynthia giggled.  "Guest bathroom is the
first curtain on the left.  Has everything you need for field repairs,
since I use it as mine."

Lori smiled her thanks, then made the repairs and came back, to settle
instead of asking us to head back.  "I know you're a therapy
assistant, Giles.   What about you, Cynthia?

"I am.  Taking the courses I need so I can work unsupervised.
Otherwise, I'm now the senior receptionist, mostly because being a
receptionist was one of the jobs I asked to be hired for, then Mary
quit and I took over when nobody else wanted it."

Lori nodded.  "Wish more people had the sense to put someone on the
job who has the obvious empathy you had when we talked to you the
first time.  Anyway, Hester...  Is her insistence we use her first
name part of her therapy, or just the way she is?  Never mind.  We
told her this, of course, but I know she hasn't had time to tell
anyone else.  We're both number two for each other, and Mark is
Herbert's son by his first wife.  To keep it friendly, he got Mark and
she got their daughter Jeri, who is a couple years older."

Cynthia and I looked at each other, and I let her handle it.

"Thanks, Lori.  I'll assume you know there can be hidden problems
because you aren't his real mother?"

She gazed off for a long time, then sighed.  "Resentment at the
beginning.  We worked past that and now...  Something clicked between
us when he went through puberty, and he treats me like his real
mother, to the point we had some of those 'man to man' talks I
expected him to take to his father.  Mark...  Just seems more
comfortable talking to me about sex, than he does Herbert.  I know
better than to ask the reasons."

Cynthia and I shared another look, and I left it to her, again. "Lori?
Are you dancing around the idea that Mark's problem may be his
father?"

It was a pain filled whisper.  "Yes.  Can you keep Mark here,
somewhere?  Maybe find an excuse to put me up, too?  I beat my first
husband unconscious after I caught him feeling up our six year old
daughter.  I don't want to do it again."

I sighed.  "Any other kids?"

"Our daughter is already at her grandparent's and getting spoiled. She
wants her big brother back, too.  She was the one who noticed the
changes first, and asked what was wrong."

"Think Mark will open up to Hester?"

"I don't know, Giles.  Have anything I can do to help out?"

"Never had..."

Ginger woofed happily and launched herself towards the door.

It opened, Ginger skidded to a halt, then sat and waited while Hester
and Mark came in.

He stiffened, then slumped.  "Hi, mom.  We didn't know anyone would be
here, so Hester decided to include her house in the tour so I could
see where I'd be staying, for now."

When I looked at Cynthia, she noticed and gave me the little signal
that said she thought we should stay out of things.  I nodded
slightly, and turned back to Hester and Mark.

Hester took over.  "Is any of that salad for us?"

Cynthia smiled.  "Want me to serve, then deliver the rest of it to get
me out of the way?"

"You can serve us, then take Ginger with you and deliver the rest so
you can reassure Herbert his wife is fine, and to keep him occupied
until we get there."

"Oh?  Is that good news, or bad news?"

Hester's shoulders slumped.  "Both, of course.  Remember that
theoretical situation we've always tried to find a solution for?  It's
reality, finally.  Mark's fine.  It's his father with the problem."

Lori growled and started to rise.  I lurched out of my chair and
watched her carefully.  "Don't do it.  We can handle this, as long as
you keep your head.  Finish getting out of that chair and your next
stop will be the hospital."

She resettled carefully.  "And you have no reason, other than Mark, to
hold back, right?"

"Exactly."

"What happens now?"

Hester answered.  "I need Cynthia and Ginger, then I'll go talk to
him.  If what I suspect is true, the problem is still a minor one and
easily fixable.  Mark and I spent some time in the kennel discussing
it, and he wants me to try.  Mark,  I think it will be better, if you
tell your mother."

"I'm bi, mom.  When dad found out, he was ok with it but...  It's
weird.  All he ever does is grill me about what it's like to fuck guys
and take them up my ass.  He's scary, the way he never asks me about
what I do with the girls.  Says it's because he wants to know I'm
really ok with it, and he already knows what boys and girls do with
each other, but, I dunno.  He makes me nervous.  Not like he's going
to want to fuck me or have me fuck him, nervous.  Just...  Nervous,
and I don't think he's gay, either.  I know some and they don't act
like he does."

Lori sighed.  "I don't think he's gay, either, honey.  It was a long
time ago when I noticed him checking out a guy I was checking out, and
asked if he was bi.  He said he wasn't, and I believed him at the
time."

Hester spoke gently.  "And there's the last piece of the puzzle I've
been trying to solve.  Thank you.  Nothing I've heard makes me think
he's transgendered, so that leaves one other possibility."

Lori frowned.  "There's something else?"

"Yes.  If I'm right, there's nothing wrong with him except confusion,
and I can fix that, mostly, in about an hour, then if you wish, I have
nothing that would stop all of you from going home and working the
rest out on your own.  You can call me at any time, and if I'm not
with a patient, I'll be available.  If it's at night, don't hesitate
to call.  I've learned to live on naps taken on my own couch, when I
have to, or Giles and Cynthia take over while I catch up on my sleep
and get a late start."

Lori was staring at her in disbelief.  "That's it?  You're saying all
those months of Hell are over?"

"Pretty much so, if you can let go of that rage Giles is stopping you
from expressing.  If you can hold on to it for about an hour, we'll
set up the agony room for you, then you can get rid of it safely."

"Agony room?"

"One of my ideas.  It's a sound proofed room with a one way mirror so
people can be observed.  It works quite well, most of the time.  A
person can kill the object of their hatred.  It's called catharsis."

Lori slumped.  "I know what it means.  I used to hit a punching bag
until I collapsed.  I'll take it on one condition.  I want Mark and
Herbert there to see it happen."

Mark spoke suddenly.  "Mom told me some of it when I figured out she'd
been bi until she married dad.  Not a lot, but enough I know you'd
have to be blind and deaf to ignore the fact something pretty bad
happened while she was in prison.  I don't know about dad...  Never
mind.  You'd better ask him about it."

Hester nodded.  "Whatever 'it' is.  I assume he'll talk to me if I ask
him to?"

Mark sighed.  "Sometimes he talks too much.  Lot of my friends quit
coming over because of dad talking about himself too much..  He's got
lots of friends, but it's like he still lonely, I think."

Hester smiled.  "Ah!  Something I can work with.  Thank you, Mark."

"You can help him just because he might be lonely?"

"Worked for you, didn't it?  All you needed was someone who'd listen,
and you opened up."

He ducked his head.  "I told Klaus, remember?"

"He listened, too, and licked in all the right places?"

"Yeah.  He did.  Weird.  Some of my friends have dogs, but they don't
pay attention very often, and when they do, it's not like they really
understand you.  It felt like he understood me."

"He's been trained to react to the emotions and tones he sees and
hears, not the words.  Body language, too."

"What about what he did?  He trained to do that, too?"

"He's only been encouraged to do what he thinks is appropriate.
Everything he did is something he already knew how to do, usually with
Cynthia.  If we thought it might help someone someday, we taught him
he could do it to others if he wanted to.  Once one of us tells him a
person is his friend, he makes his own decisions.  There are no hidden
signals telling him what to do."

"That mean he's some sort of special therapy dog?"

"Yes.  Giles?  Since I need Cynthia and Ginger, you can show Mark and
his mother all of Klaus' certificates.  You can relax a little, but
keep an eye on her, just in case.  She's pretty close to losing it."

I nodded grimly.  "As long as she doesn't try for my crotch, I'll do
as little damage as possible."

Hester spoke softly.  "Lori?"

"Giles knows I have to have a reason for everything I do, or I don't
do it.  I'll be good, now that he hit me with that ice water."

Before Hester could react, I jumped in.  "Cynthia and I know what
happened.  Lori had her reasons for telling me about it, and I
absolved her.  Since the proper authorities have already forgiven her,
we should leave the past in the past, too."

Hester sighed.  "This won't be the first time I've had to choose
between professional ethics and personal integrity, because of you,
Giles.  Some day, I'll collect what you owe me."

"Thanks, Hester.  Whatever price you feel is appropriate."

She smiled, then turned away.  "Cynthia?  Put a leash on Ginger, then
let's go beard the lion in my den.  If I'm successful, you can set
three people up for follow up consultations and send them home as a
family."

I was still showing them the certificates when Cynthia called.

"What's happened?"

"We're ready for Mark.  Send him to reception, I'll take it from
there."

"What about Lori?"

"Hester says that if she still wants a husband, to wait there.   He's
definitely not a pedo, past, presently or in the future.  Hester was
right."

I looked at Lori.  "Good news.  Your husband isn't a pedo, never was,
never will be.  They need Mark, but want you to wait here if you want
Herbert back in your life."

"False alarm?"

"Yep."

"I'll wait."

I relayed the message, hung up, and sent Mark on his way.

Minutes later Ginger and Klaus came through the dog door, and Cynthia
came through the door itself.

We watched her settle on the couch, and then she grinned at us.
"Herbert and Mark are babbling at each other and doing some serious
male bonding, while Hester is leaning back and beaming at them like
she planned it all, instead of it being a happy accident."

I shrugged and looked at Lori.  "Your family.  You get to ask the
questions."

She smiled.  "What happened?"

"Mark has plenty of links so you can learn more.  Your husband is an
autogynophiliac, and it turns out Mark just happens to have a gay
friend with a father who is the same way.  Mark apologized for not
spotting the signs at the beginning of all this.  Hester turned them
loose on an internet connection, and Mark is helping his father accept
his sexuality."

Lori slumped when the tension left her.  "What now?"

"We wait for them to show up."

I smiled.  "My turn.  I'll start dinner while you two make yourselves
comfortable in the living room."

Then I looked down.  "What about these two?  Did they earn their pay?"

Cynthia giggled.  "Ginger earns hers every day you're alive.  Klaus
does the same for me, but yes, he had just the right touch to get Mark
to open up, so give him some of those special dog biscuits as a
garnish."

I chuckled knowingly.  "Sounds like you need some special attention,
yourself."

She blushed, then recovered and grinned.  "Always.  Plan for time on
the couch, as Klaus' hands."

It was my turn to blush.  "If Ginger will let me get up before
morning."

"I'll have the same problem with Klaus, probably...  But, deal!"

Lori's eyes had gone wide, and her head was moving so she could stare
at both of us in turn.  "Did I just hear the two of you agree to share
the afterglow as a foursome?"

Cynthia stood and stretched, then closed her eyes and smiled dreamily.
"We're pretty sure it's something only another zoo can feel, or do,
really.  There's a dog or bitch hidden deep inside of each of us, and
it's a chance to let it out, with someone who accepts that part of
you.  When we touch each other, it's as if our real lover suddenly
grew hands."

I knew my own smile was a little dreamy.  "When it happens, I'm not
touching a woman.  I'm touching a freshly fucked bitch, and telling
her I see her as she is, not the bitch the rest of the world thinks
she should be."

I refocused on Lori.  "Don't try to understand it.  It can only be
felt, by people who aren't fully human, anymore."

Lori finally sighed.  "You folks gave us back our son, and me back a
husband I didn't know I'd lost.  When can I start paying you back?"

"Talk to Cynthia.  Right now, she's the one who somehow finds time to
coordinate the volunteers."

Lori smiled.  "I'm a mother with two kids and a husband who works
overtime to pay the bills.  I know all about time and people
management, when you don't have enough of either."

Cynthia giggled.  "Come back after you get your family working again.
Give yourselves at least a week before you add outside stress."

Lori shook her head, but she was smiling.  "Thanks for listening
and...  Everything.  Instead of that couch, could you and...  Your
husband, give me a tour?"

"Sure!  Giles?"

"I'll slow cook.  Call it one to one and half hours."

"Plenty of time, then.  Thanks."

Since we might have company for dinner, I set the timer after I cooked
the food that had to be watched, then Ginger and I headed for my
bedroom to do some intimate cuddling while we waited for the food to
finish, or someone to get back.

The house was still empty when the timer went off, so I killed time by
setting the table for the three of us, then settled in the living room
to wait.

I was napping when Ginger launched herself from the couch.  Thanks to
her wakeup service, I was awake when Hester, Cynthia and Klaus came
through the door.

Hester was the one who looked in to find me.  "Just the three of us,
after all.  I think they'll be ok, now, so I sent them home with the
usual numbers they can call."

Cynthia grinned.  "I had a hard time convincing Lori that if they
wanted one of our dogs, it would be free.  I suggested that since
she'll be working here, it might be better if they  'adopted' one of
the dogs we already have, and came to see it, for now.  I think
they'll do it that way, until they have a better idea about what their
home life is going to be like."

Then she gestured at the table.  "I already know Hester is exhausted,
and you did the cooking, so I'll serve."

We settled, she served, then we ate and shared some of our food with
the dogs while we got caught up on everything else that had happened.

* * *

Two weeks later, Lori started donating the time she had available
after the kids were in school.  She tried everything, but focused on
coordinating the volunteers, which gave Cynthia more time to help
Hester, or actually start taking breaks on a regular basis.

Month twelve went by quickly, and when I balanced the books, I
discovered that we'd only lost about fifty thousand dollars, which was
a lot better than the two hundred thousand we'd planned for when we'd
opened the doors.

The books got passed to our accountant, then to our lawyer, who had
agreed to deal with any corporate donations.

Two months later, the first transfer hit the business account, and we
celebrated by having the first cottage built, and agreeing to buy the
property behind us, because the owner wanted to sell out and travel,
without needing to worry about renters.

Since we now had a second house on the property, Cynthia moved into it
and became a 'house mother' to single parents who wanted to stay with
their child when Hester was working with them.

Lori managed the cottage for us, and suddenly we were 'in business'
and a going concern that was getting so many donations we were able to
redo our original long term plans and start buying the more expensive
stuff that we hadn't thought we'd be able to afford until we'd been
open for three to four years.

After that, the only thing left to learn, was if our desperate gamble
to save my life...

Would work.
---

End Chapter One

-- 
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reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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