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From: rache <rache696@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} (RP) Daddy's Little Whore 05 by Rachael Ross (M/f, Rom, Prost, Etc)
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Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:10:02 -0500
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Daddy's Little Whore
Copyright 2006-2009 Rachael Ross all rights reserved -- Adults Only --
Fiction

Synopsis and codes in chapter one. Can't find it? Look here:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/rache/www/index.htm
There are 12 chapters total and if you wish to complain, my email is
rache696@yahoo.com

Daddy's Little Whore
by rache

Chapter 5 - The Safe Place


"I just can't do it anymore," I told Deke over the phone. I'd been
saying that for the last half hour, ever since I'd told him what had
happened the night before with Phil. "What if it happens again? What
if it's one of my friends' dads, or one of my teachers, or..."

"Or what if it's Santa Claus?" Deke chuckled.

"It's not funny!" I said, lying on my bed, curled up and talking
softly.

My dad had worried over me before leaving for work, since I hadn't
been my usual self the previous evening, and I played to that, telling
him I didn't feel well. I stayed home from school, enjoying the time
alone. I'd needed to think and then finally to call my boyfriend.

"Look, Sam, you can't quit on me. I got you dates lined up for a month
already. It's money in our pockets. That shit ain't ever gonna happen
again, it was one in a million, baby. One in a million."

"That's one too many, Deke," I sighed. "He didn't even use a rubber
and..."

"Was he clean?"

"...when I told him to pull out, he just laughed...What? Clean? I
don't know. Fuck! Who cares? I might be pregnant!"

"So just calm down. You ain't gonna be pregnant, Sam."

"I could be." I rubbed my tummy and frowned. "You don't know."

"You can't quit, baby. I need you."

"I have to Deke, if my dad finds out...Or if someone else finds out."
I started thinking of all the bad stuff that I'd never thought about
before. "Like what if I get busted? Then what?"

"Shit, don't go talkin' that. I'm on it, okay? Twenty-four seven, I'm
covering you. Ain't nobody gonna find out anything."

"Deke..." I sighed.

"I'm comin' over. You just relax. We're gonna talk this out, okay?"

"What? No!" I looked at the clock and it was almost noon.

"I'll be there in two minutes."

"Two minutes?" I stared at the phone suspiciously. "Where are you?"

"In the office, girl." He chuckled and I heard some other guys
laughing with him in the background.

"Your car? Who's with you?"

"Just some homeys. Hey...Look out your window. You want me to park on
the street?"

I didn't have to look to know that his champagne colored BMW was
outside my house, across the big broad lawn and neatly trimmed hedges.
All the houses in this neighborhood were big and expensive and set
back from the street. And while there were some minorities living
there, a couple black families, a Chinese guy and his wife, there
weren't very many. A bunch of black guys getting out of a strange car
was going to get some unwanted attention in this part of town.

"Wait," I told him, going downstairs to the security panel and pushing
a button. "Go through the gates." I left them open, we usually did
anyway, except at night, but I knew my dad had closed them that
morning. He always worried when I was home alone.

Deke pulled up to the garage, stopping close to the side porch, just
off the kitchen, and I walked out there, hugging myself in my big t-
shirt. It was blue, baby blue with a big pink heart, and covered my
butt, barely. I'd had it a long time. All I wore under that were some
flimsie white panties, but I didn't really think about it anyway. I
just couldn't believe Deke would drive over to my house in the middle
of the day.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" I started yelling, sounding like
a real bitch, but maybe I was just then. "And who are these guys?
Jesus Christ, Deke! I told you I quit!"

Deke was getting out, smiling patiently at me, and he had three
friends with him. All from the hood apparently, or at least it looked
like they did their shopping there, but more likely they did their
shopping in other places, in other neighborhoods...Like mine. They all
looked like criminals so far as I was concerned. Big and black and
tattooed and...God! They were probably carrying guns and knives for all
I knew.

"Shhh...Relax, Sammie, come on. These are my friends. This is Chilly,
that's Jo-Jo, and that big guy is BMF..." He grinned at me, BMF did.
"...that's short for..."

"I know what it's short for," I cut Deke off impatiently. "You can't
stay, alright? I'm serious. What if someone saw you guys?"

"Shit." One of them, Jo-Jo maybe, but I hadn't bothered trying to
figure out which was which, shook his head. "I thought you said this
bitch was cool, man."

"She's cool, she's cool," Deke said, walking up to me as I just stood
there with my arms crossed. I didn't hug him back. "You're cool, right
baby?"

I stared unhappily at Deke's friend, feeling a little pissed. The guy
was wearing a stocking cap, for crying out loud, a black one that you
could roll down into a ski mask. Probably came in handy when he needed
smokes and beer at the corner liquor store, I imagined.

"We gonna stand here all fuckin' day?" The other guy said, Chilly I
supposed. He wasn't wearing a hat, just a red handkerchief tied around
his big bald head. He was the shortest of them all, but still pretty
large, I thought, like five foot ten maybe with a broad chest and
muscles. They all had muscles and I guessed they'd had a lot of time
to work out in prison.

"Take your criminal gangsta friends and leave me alone," I said
softly, finally looking up at Deke. "I don't like them."

"They ain't gonna do anything, come on. I missed you, girl." He kissed
me on my forehead. "You got me all worried..." he kissed me on my
cheek, his hands rubbing along my back, "...all messed up inside." He
kissed me on the lips, softly at first and then a little harder.

People might wonder why I didn't just kick him off my porch, slam the
door and lock it. I mean, I was wondering about it too, right then and
especially later. I should have, I knew that, but I didn't. I felt
scared and vulnerable and lonely. Phil had frightened me a lot more
than I'd been willing to admit, even to myself. I couldn't talk to my
dad about it, or my friends. All I had was Deke and I needed him. I
didn't want to, and I hated it, but I did and when he was kissing me,
all that need just took over.

I kissed him back, relaxing and wrapping my arms around him. I felt so
small, so weak and tired. I just wanted someone to hold me, to protect
me and tell me it was going to be alright. I opened my mouth for his
tongue and Deke's strong hands grabbed my ass, sliding under my t-
shirt so he could pull me hard against him, against the lump in his
pants. He ran his tongue in my mouth hotly, and my eyes were closed, I
forgot about everything else. It had been so long since he'd kissed me
like that, just loved me the way a man should.

"Where's your bed, Sammie? I wanna treat you right today," he
whispered, kissing my ear grinding himself against me gently.

I'd gotten hot quickly, like someone had flipped a switch. I was
standing on the porch, kissing a black guy, my big black boyfriend, as
if that were somehow normal. Rubbing myself against his bulging cock
and sucking his soft red tongue while his three friends stood in my
driveway and watched us. And I was telling Deke that I'd quit? It
might have been funny if it wasn't so stupid. My emotions were all
confused. I couldn't tell if I really loved him, or if I just wanted
sex, or if I could even tell the two apart. It didn't seem like it.

"We...can't..." I swallowed hard. "You have to...go..." But I wasn't
letting him go. I didn't want to be alone.

"Just a little bit, baby," he insisted, kissing me and squeezing my
ass, making me feel all hot all over. "Let me make you feel good
first."

"Ummph..." I moaned as he slipped his hand down the small of my back,
inside my panties, his middle finger sliding between my soft round
cheeks.

"You know you want it..." He rubbed across my asshole and I kissed his
neck, "...You know you want my big cock, Sammie."

I was shaking, hating myself for wanting him so much.

"Where's your bedroom, baby?" he whispered. "I'm gonna make you cum so
good."

"Deke...Please..." I wanted him to do it, to say goodbye and leave,
because I couldn't make him. It just wasn't in me.

"Shhh..." He lifted me off my feet, literally, pulling me up with his
hand under my ass, so I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms
around his neck. "It's gonna be beautiful, girl. Like you...so
beautiful..."

He carried me like that, while I kissed his face and neck, cradled in
Deke's strong arms and giving him directions while his friends
followed us.

"Shit, nice crib," one of the guys was saying.

"You got a TV in this place?" BMF looked around.

I pointed towards our family room, were the TV and computer and books
and stuff was. The room where we relaxed, my dad and me. "In there,
don't touch anything. Just watch...Uhmmm..." Deke started kissing me
again.

"Where's your X-box?" the other guy, Jo-Jo, asked me.

"We got a Wii," I told him, licking my lips. "You'll see it." We were
halfway up the stairs.

"Wii?" I heard them laughing. "What the fuck?"

"Maybe we shouldn't," I said, feeling nervous about leaving those guys
downstairs alone. "They might..."

"They ain't gonna break anything, baby." Deke smiled at me as I clung
to him.

"It isn't breaking I'm worried about." But I was smiling too, my body
tingling.

"They ain't gonna steal nothin' either, shit!" Deke laughed and kissed
me, walking us into my bedroom.

I'd never had a boy in my bedroom before and as Deke put me on my bed,
laying me down and leaning over me so we could kiss, I felt a little
thrill at the thought of what we were doing. What we were about to do.
I was going to have sex in my own bed, with my boyfriend. It was
something I'd imagined so many times, not in detail, but just in
general, the idea of it was romantic, it was sexy. I wanted it so bad
and now it was happening.

We kissed for a long time, just making out and I kissed his handsome
face over and over, as if I couldn't get enough of him. He was
exploring my body slowly, and this was so different. We'd never had
sex in a bed, or at least not a real one. Just in hotels sometimes, in
between customers, I might give him some head or something. This was
different; he was making love to me. Deke's hands were so soft, so
gentle. He pushed my long legs apart easily, leaving my panties on,
and just rubbing my sex. Cupping it and massaging me until I was hot
and slick with juice for him. I was humping myself against his fingers
too, feeling already the small orgasms starting, just the sweet little
ones that made me so ready for the really good ones later.

He worked my t-shirt off finally, pulling it over my head and then
smoothing my long blonde hair out of my shining eyes. He touched my
breasts while I sucked at his soft full lips. He pinched my nipples,
pulling them just the way I liked. Not too hard, not painfully, but
enough to make me arch my back and moan into his mouth. He hadn't even
started undressing himself, this was all about me. Deke was making me
feel good, special and loved. His hands seemed to be everywhere,
touching and caressing me. I'd never had sex like this. I was cumming
again, my body rising up against him, trembling as Deke took my left
breast in his mouth. Just the nipple at first, and then more, sucking
at my overheated flesh until I thought my breast would explode with
the pleasure of it.

When Deke worked my panties off, I gasped at the cool air suddenly
against my skin. My pussy was hot, like an oven, and so wet that he
could slip a finger inside me easily, curling it as he worked my right
breast with his mouth. He was reaching in and under, tickling the roof
of my cunt, finding that secret spot so that I jerked with another
orgasm, this one bigger and intense, stealing my senses for a minute
while I fucked myself eagerly on his hand. My cunt was collapsing
around him, squeezing and sucking at him like a soft little mouth.

He kissed lower and dragged his tongue across my quivering flesh. Over
my taut stomach and down, until he could kiss my pussy, something he'd
never done before. Deke kissed my clit, the hard pink nub of flesh
that burned for his attentions. I groaned, holding his head in my
hands, digging my fingers into his short black hair. He was kissing my
pussy, licking it while his finger slid in and out slowly. I could
hear the soft wet sounds of his mouth and feel his face between my
thighs. He was eating my cunt gently, taking his time and I wanted it
fast, I was going to cum again, and I was begging with my voice
breathless and ragged.

I came hard, my best one yet, and it was because of his mouth, his
kisses. I could feel him lapping at my juices as they ran freely,
spilling across his fingers and tongue. I pressed against his head
with my thighs, my body almost curling with pleasure. I hugged him, as
best I could, half sitting up, my stomach muscles tight as I ran my
hands across his shoulders, down his back. I was urging him to kiss me
there, to keep doing it and never stop. My eyes were shut tight and I
knew they were wet, crying for no good reason except that I felt so
good right then I'd never felt that good, making love to Deke in my
own bedroom.

Deke let me relax a little, pushing me back into my mattress, onto my
soft pillows. I was breathing hard, my heart pounding beneath my
heaving breasts. I was flushed and damp and happy, laying there with
my eyes barely open, watching Deke as he undressed finally, taking off
his clothes slowly, carefully, folding them neatly. I admired him, his
beautiful black body, his strong thighs and wide shoulders, the way
his hard body tapered down to his waist and hips. Deke was so
handsome, like some dark god, I thought. My chocolate Adonis, which
made me smile and even giggle, licking my lips and becoming impatient.

And his cock! Oh wasn't that the best? What I was waiting for, longing
for. It was hard, but too long and too fat and too heavy to stand
straight out. It curved downward, dripping precum as he moved. It was
huge and dark with a ruddy head, almost pink, and swollen and smooth.
I watched it, knowing it would be inside me soon, and knowing it would
fit, somehow. It had before and that had been far too long ago, I
thought, too long since he'd fucked me with that big fat cock.

"No...Don't..." I breathed, seeing him pick up a foil condom packet.
"Can you just put it in me?"

"You know I don't do that, baby." Deke smiled at me.

"I know, but just once...Please? If I'm..." I swallowed hard,
"...already pregnant, it won't matter. If I'm not, then I'm not gonna
get pregnant." Probably, I thought, knowing my logic wasn't the best
right then, but not caring at all.

"I gotta protect my shit," Deke shrugged, but he wasn't opening the
packet either.

"We're safe. I'm clean, you know that." I rubbed my pussy, staring at
his cock. I wanted him so bad. "Just one time...Let me feel it..."

"Skin to skin?" he chuckled. "Okay, one time, baby. I'm gonna fuck you
good..."

"Oh yeah. Fuck me, Deke..." I breathed. "Put that big cock all the way
in me!"

"You like it, huh? You like this nigger cock, don't you,
Sammie...Can't get enough..."

"No," I shook my head, reaching for him. "I can't get
enough...Please..."

Deke smiled down at me, kneeling on my bed, between my wide spread
legs. He dropped his cock on my tummy, so hot and heavy. It lay there
while I stroked it, pressing it against my white skin, flushed softly
pink with excitement. It stretched from my pussy to my belly button
and beyond, a solid 12 inches of black cock, hungry for my juvenile
white cunt. He'd been the best fuck of my life several months before
in the back of his car, and he'd made me feel like a virgin, feeding
his cock to me slowly. I wanted that feeling again, desperately.

We kissed for awhile, Deke pressing his body against mine. My nipples
burned against his smooth chest and I could feel his penis trapped
between us. I let him kiss me deeply, Deke's tongue filling my mouth
and I sucked on it tenderly, playing my own across it, feeling so
small with him. I felt like a little girl, but at the same time I was
a woman, an adult in his arms, and the conflict there, the contrasting
emotions was good for me. It just made me all the hotter for him.

"You want it now?" Deke smiled at me. "You want my dick, Sammie?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I need it so bad...Soooooo bad," I giggled, moving
my hips a little, encouraging him to fuck me.

"You're my girl, right?" He was nodding slowly. "You're my baby, ain't
ya?"

"Yeah," I licked my lips. "I'm your girl, Deke."

"And you're gonna keep doin' what you do, right?" His soft brown eyes
stared into mine. "You're gonna keep making me happy."

"Yeah." I closed my eyes for a second, knowing what he meant. Knowing
what I was agreeing to.

"Say it, Sam, tell me what you are, baby." He moved a little, sliding
his heavy cock back and forth across my tummy.

"I'm your girl," I said. "I'm your bitch..." he was smiling, "...your
little whore, Deke."

"That's right, my little white money making bitch, huh?"

"Yeah," I moaned softly. "That's what I am."

"And you ain't quittin' on me, are you, bitch?"

"No." I shook my head, shutting my eyes tightly.

"Cause you know I love you. You know I'm watching out for you.
Protecting you day and night, ain't that right?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Put my dick inside, baby. Let me show you how much I love
you...Mmmm..."

He waited, watching my face as I reached down between us, taking his
cock in my hands and bringing the head to my pussy. We shifted a
little, making some room and I was trembling as I rubbed the huge head
around my vulva, trying to work it inside my small hole. I had to sit
up a little, and Deke smiled but offered me no help. He wanted me to
do it, to put that big black cock of his inside my cunt, unprotected
and eager to feel his seed in my womb.

I gasped as the head finally found its mark, my swollen lips stained
pinkish red with fever spreading around it. I stared at it, hardly
believing that something so large could fit inside me, but I knew it
would and right then it was doing it. My pussy protested, but only
weakly. I was so hot and wet, my cunt was soaked with juices from my
orgasms, and once the head of Deke's cock was firmly inside he gave it
just a little push, bringing that glorious discomfort I was longing
for. It had been too long, several weeks since he'd fucked me, and it
took a little while for my pussy to remember. But she did and then it
got really, really good.

Deke pushed slow and I lifted my legs, putting them over his broad
shoulders, tilting my hips and ass upward so he could push down and
in, stretching the fluid walls of my 15 year old cunt until I was
afraid they'd burst. I was moaning, shaking like a leaf, and tapping
my hand on his back, telling him to go slow. It was going to take a
long time, a long wonderful time before he'd get all the way inside
me, but he would. I was cumming, even before the bulbous tip reached
the pillow of my cervix, I was cumming all over Deke's thick cock.

He paused, kissing me as I hugged him, my pussy almost painfully
stuffed with his penis, but I barely noticed the pain. My body was
strumming with passion and my cunt gripped him tightly, refusing to
let him go anywhere but deeper. He moved more, feeding me another
inch, and then another. Looking into my eyes and smiling, listening to
my ragged moans. He touched bottom, or what should have been, his
cockhead nudging that tender bottleneck deep inside me, but he could
go deeper. He still had more to give me and it was just a matter of
time. Of opening me up like a sweet little flower and my body would
relax, letting him in even more.

I was crying again, I couldn't help it. My body just couldn't stay
still, I was moving beneath him, or trying to, Deke had me rolled with
my knees bent over his back, pinning me to my bed like a wounded
butterfly. He was pushing again, making me cum again as his cock found
a little more room, just a bit more someplace in the deepest recesses
of my cunt. And then he kissed me, finally, pushing his tongue inside
my mouth and I knew he was all the way in. He'd given me a foot of
hard black cock, as thick as my wrist, and his heavy balls pressed
against my ass.

"You okay, Sammie?" Deke asked me and I just smiled, licking my
bruised lips and nodding. "I'm gonna fuck you now, baby. Gonna fuck
you like you ain't ever been fucked before..."

"Oh God..." I could barely focus on him.

My eyelids fluttered and I dug my fingernails into his back as Deke
pulled his cock back a little, maybe half-way, which was another sort
of pleasure altogether. I imagined he was turning my pussy inside out
with it, but then he pushed. And we did that for a long time, fucking,
making love, joined utterly together.

It was slow at first, but as I got more used to him, as my muscles
relaxed and Deke could feel my body responding, then he really began
to fuck me good. Taking longer and longer strokes, but gently. He
wasn't ramming himself inside me, not yet, that would have hurt us
both maybe, he was just working it nice, in and out, leaving himself
half inside, and then pushing the other half home.

I was delirious with it and Deke could fuck for a long time like that,
picking up speed, making the bed bounce and squeak on its springs. The
headboard beating the wall in time with our movements, slowly at first
and then faster. Soon I was taking him readily, if not exactly easily,
and then he was jamming himself deep, making me gasp as if all the air
was being knocked out of me when his big cock slid home.

"I'm gonna cum, Sam...I'm close, baby girl...You want it?" Deke asked
me. He was hot and sweaty and his mouth was open, breathing hard like
me.

"Oh yeah...Yeah...Give it to me...Fuck me, Deke..." I held onto him
tight, unable to do anything else. I couldn't even fuck him back, as
much as I wanted to. He was totally in control, dominating me, he
could do whatever he wanted and I was helpless, just the way I liked
it right then.

"Oh shit...Sammie...Fuck yesssss..." he hissed, pushing his cock deep
and I felt it seeming to swell even larger. His cock jerked against
the clasping walls of my sex, pulsing rapidly as his balls tightened
and then released their hot thick load into my waiting womb.

I came with him, which was inevitable. I'd been cumming almost
continuously it seemed since we started and I wasn't going to stop
then. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but every little
surge of cum gave me another shot of adrenaline as well, and I was so
high then. The endorphins had kicked in long before, like a runner's
high where you don't feel anything but good. There wasn't any pain,
even at the end when he'd been pulling nearly all the way out and then
driving his cock back home. All I'd felt was the ecstasy of being well
and truly fucked by a huge cock. His sperm filled me and it was
beautiful. It was hot and alive and it filled an emptiness inside I
never knew existed. It wasn't like Phil at all, who'd forced me and
spilled his seed inside my body like a thief, taking much more than
he'd given.

Deke loved me, he'd said so, for the very first time he'd told me he
loved me. That was my chief thought, the one that made everything
beautiful. I could feel him now, his semen bathing my womb and I
sincerely wished that he was making me pregnant, that I had an egg or
even eggs in there someplace, surrounded with Deke's sperm.
Surrendering to his potent seed. It was a good thought, a sweet
fantasy to feed the fires burning in my heart and head, but that was
all it was and that was both a disappointment and a luxury for me, one
of the few I could afford in this strange life I was leading.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

After we finished, I followed Deke downstairs, eager to see his three
friends out of my house. I hadn't even wiped myself, Deke's sperm,
mixed with my own juices flowed down my thighs, beneath the thin
bathrobe I wore. I knew I looked like I'd just been seriously fucked,
and the looks on their faces told me all I needed to know about them.
I felt naked under their smiling stares, and I may have blushed
slightly, but I didn't care. The idea that these men knew I was not
only a whore, but that I loved Deke's big black cock was just another
strike against them.

Far more serious to me, although I didn't want to think about it, was
the fact that I'd fucked a guy in my daddy's house. And a black guy at
that. What would my daddy say if he knew about that, I wondered, but
not for very long. It didn't make me feel good. I didn't doubt that my
dad would accept a black guy if I loved him, if he was smart and
educated and handsome, the way Deke was.

But Deke was also a pimp, my pimp, and mmmm...I couldn't think about
that. I'd fucked my pimp in my bed, without a condom, taking his sperm
in my unprotected belly like a slut. Yeah, bad thoughts and I tried to
shut them out. Getting Deke and his friends out the door would help a
lot.

I spent the little time I had before my daddy came home from work
cleaning myself first, and then the house. I hate to admit that I
inventoried everything downstairs, feeling both guilty and convinced
that Deke's so-called friends couldn't be trusted. That and I worried
that my dad would know somehow that they'd been in the house, like
maybe he could smell them, the scent of four black men. But that's
just prejudice, I know, and as much as I want to deny I had it, I knew
I did. At least so far as three black guys with ski masks and prison
tattoos were concerned. Deke I loved, or thought I did. Enough so that
I'd agreed to keep working for him, which really confused me after
he'd left.

How could I have agreed to that? I'd been set on quitting. I'd told
him that, repeatedly, and I had good reasons. Better reasons than he'd
had for me not quitting, which were basically no reasons at all. He'd
come over, uninvited, with three hoodlums from the ghetto, and...What?
Kissed me? Fucked me? And I'd melted like I was made out of butter. I
felt ashamed, really. That's the best word for it. I felt like a slut
too, like one of those girls you hear about who would do anything for
sex, or love, which I was becoming more and more convinced was the
same thing so far as Deke and I were concerned.

But I'd done it. I'd agreed, despite my resolve, despite my experience
with Phil, and despite my intelligence. I didn't feel very smart, or
practical, or grown up. I was cleaning and frowning. That was my life
for two hours. Cleaning and frowning and wondering why I was doing it.
I liked being a prostitute, sort of. I had to admit that, didn't I? I
mean way down inside, having sex with men old enough to be my dad,
calling them Daddy...Mmmm...I liked it a lot. It wasn't money. It
wasn't sex. It was the role-play I liked. I liked escaping into that
place where I could fuck my dad. Where I could be his private slut,
his little whore.

That was me. Daddy's Little Whore. And I liked it a lot.

That's why I hadn't quit. Not because of Deke, he was just my excuse.
I hadn't melted, not really, I'd just surrendered to that part of
myself that couldn't let go of what I was doing. Deke said he loved
me, but he didn't. I knew that, I wasn't stupid. And the love I had
for him wasn't real love, it wasn't like I truly wanted to have his
babies, or keep his house and get old with him. It was the sort of
love you feel for an amusement, for a feeling. I loved being in love
and while he'd fucked me, I'd wanted to feel something more than the
physical. So I'd loved him, but I knew better.

The only person I loved. And I was sitting down now, in my dining
room. In my house. The only one I truly loved was my dad. I knew it
then, sitting there surrounded by my mother's things, my things now. I
was what remained of her. I was her blood, I was her legacy to the
world. I let it out, all of it, and I wept there, putting my head on
the table, knowing what I wanted and knowing I couldn't have it. As
much as I tried to find a way, a reason or a rational for my feelings,
I was lost and unable to find the answer. I couldn't be like that
here. I couldn't do the things with him that I wanted to, I knew that.
The things he and my mother had done in their bed.

I had to content myself this way, I decided. The way I'd always done.
I'd be his wife. I'd be his daughter, but only here, only this way. We
couldn't have it any other and so I'd keep prostituting myself. I'd
keep fucking those other men, playing the woman I wanted to be, but
couldn't. And that was a relief, coming to that decision, and it
filled me with energy. I knew what I had to do now. I knew who I was,
in this place, and in the other. It may sound like madness, and
perhaps it was. But if I were going crazy, at least it brought with it
a sense of peace. I could live with it; I could bear the risk of
getting caught as a whore, only because if I didn't, this home would
have been no sanctuary from my desires. We wouldn't be safe, my Daddy
and me.

And my dad was coming home from work. Soon. I sat in the dining room,
wiping my eyes. He was coming home from work and he'd be worried. I'd
been sick in bed that morning, so he'd have been thinking about me,
probably reaching for the phone a few times during the day, only to
change his mind in case I was sleeping. I needed to get ready. I
needed to cook, to prepare his dinner. That's what I wanted to do. I
needed to clean myself up, change my clothes. I wanted him to see me
beautiful, to come home and be proud of me. I'd dress nice for him,
cook something he liked...Something easy, because he was coming home
soon. I smiled, wiping my face and then the table, wiping away my
tears. They didn't matter.

It was okay, I thought. I was okay. Daddy was coming home, I needed to
get ready.


=-=-=-=-=-=-={~}=-=-=-=-=-=-=

End of chapter five

rache696@yahoo.com
www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/rache/www/index.htm

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reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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