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Message-ID: <57728asstr$1213236601@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.borked.net>
Reply-To: dcrimson@yahoo.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Crimson Reviews - #050 - 11-Jun-2008
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Date: Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:10:01 -0400
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

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This instalment we explore relationships, intruders, new pornstars,
virgins in the great beyond, cheating sex in a bathroom, alien
educators, hot phone sex, and giving up control.

We also continue to browse our heritage with another classic review
from perhaps one of the best writers that ever graced our newsgroup.
A tale from 1997 of a melancholy, flawed fellow.

Please enjoy responsibly.

  - Crimson


I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand,
walkin' through the streets of Soho in the rain. 
He was lookin' for the place called Lee Ho Fooks, 
gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein.

                         -- Warren Zevon

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

  - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone.
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Story Summary:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Everlasting Love (Parts 1 - 3) -- Aphrodite
     (MF, rom, No Sex)
     [7, 9, 9, 8]

The Intruder ... -- fireflygrl
     (M/F, consensual, masturbation)
     [10, 8, 7, 8]

Jenaveve, Pornstar -- Lisa Chasse
     (MF(F), consensual, pornstar)
     [9, 7, 4, 5]

The Truth About Paradise -- E Bywater
     (metaphysical, no-sex, caution)*
     [10, 2, 9, 9]

The Pool Party -- Willy Tamarack
     (MF cheat)
     [9, 8, 5, 7]

Cow Harvest -- RivYavtry
     (sci-fi, tentacle)
     [10, 6, 8, 6]

Quickie - Yes -- Redbud
     (MF, cons, phone)*
     [9, 10, 9, 10]

The Essense of Amelia -- Obsidian Disorder
     (M/F, control)
     [9, 9, 8, 8]

Classic:
The Sad, Bad Man -- Bronwen
     (M/F, romantic)
     [10, 10, 10, 10]

Reviews:
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Everlasting Love (Parts 1 - 3) -- Aphrodite
     (MF, rom, No Sex)

After a big fight, a distraught Liz returns to her small apartment,
settles in front of a fire with a glass of wine and mopes until she
realises what she really wants. Without even bothering to change,
she rushes to Jeff's place only to find Jeff awake and also feeling
lost from the disagreement. They make up and after talking to her
best friend, April, and working through a few issues, Liz decides to
surprise Jeff.

Technically, this story is very readable -- but there are some
places where Aphrodite needs a little more revision. For instance, I
once caught Jeff hopping, instead of hoping, for a good outcome.  It
seemed odd at the time, but, perhaps he was jumping around on one
foot towards something advantageous? Seriously, the errors were
minor and weren't enough to distract from the story, but they were
there, and I have to report it.

A few further suggestions: the word "just" is often over used.  In
this story, I found it used to the point of distraction.

The dialogue in the story seemed a little stilted. I liked that the
characters spoke to each other, but they didn't speak like people
naturally speak. The dialogue didn't flow naturally for me.

I liked the premise of the piece. Liz and Jeff were well presented
and I understood their characters. Aphrodite didn't see any need to
describe their physical attributes (well, except for Jeff's pecks
[sic]) and for this kind of story it was appropriate. There was far
more Eros because of her lack of physical descriptions.

Personally, I prefer a little more subtlety in my writing. In
Everlasting Love, Aphrodite is struggling to present a difficult
subject and character emotions in a forum that often merely wants
sex, sex and more sex. Well, the subject that Aphrodite has tackled
*is* about sex and while there is no explicit intercourse here, it
is one of the reasons this Dragon picked the story up. But for a
story like this, I want to understand the emotions, not be hit over
the head with them. I want to feel with the characters, not
explicitly hear about what they are feeling. I need to be shown, not
told.

So, my most important suggestion to Aphrodite: she has the writing
talent and skill, but she needs to let it flow from the heart,
visualise the characters and how they would act and speak, worry
less about the themes and messages, write what you see and feel, not
what you want to teach the audience. They'll see it. Have faith.

I'm not sure if this story is complete due to the manner in which
the story is split into parts. It may continue or it may end at Part
3. I guess we'll have to ask Aphrodite.

Overall, this is reasonably well written and tackles an important
emotional angle that is rarely investigated in the newsgroup. Keep
up the good work. I look forward to reading more.


Technical       :    7
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    8

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57606
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57607
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57608

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Fri, 09 May 2008

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The Intruder ... -- fireflygrl
 	(M/F, consensual, masturbation)

Terry awakens in the middle of the night sensing a presence in her
bedroom. But Joe is a million miles away and she is alone.  She
ducks under the covers, praying that the intruder remains unaware of
her. But suddenly the covers are pulled back and as she's about to
scream ... the man who should not be there kisses her. Helpless,
Terry responds.

Technically, fireflygrl has written a reasonably lucid story here. I
didn't see any obvious typos or grammatical faux pas, beyond those
that she intended. But I must mention this one, because it made me
smile:

  Really close by. S***!! What next?

The use of the stars kills me, considering the remainder of the
story. It's actually kind of cute and endearing, though I would
wager to say unnecessary in this environment. Nevertheless it
conveys a certain innocence on Terry who is thinking these thoughts,
so while it made me smile, it is not inappropriate.

My only complaints here revolve around the unexpected, "To be
continued ..." statement. It is difficult to judge a partial story,
especially one such as this. I found that Terry's reactions were not
explained enough with far too much emphasis on sex without context.
What I will say: it is a nice beginning, and certainly shows a
talent for writing, especially if the continuation expands on the
character and avoids the obvious (and therefore weak) endings.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    8

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57597

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 05 May 2008

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Jenaveve, Pornstar -- Lisa Chasse
 	(MF(F), consensual, pornstar)

Jenaveve used to be a teacher. After one fateful night when her
friend Katie invited her to a party, Jenaveve finds herself drawn
into the seductive world of adult videos, particularly enjoying
double penetrations and a tide of men and women. After viewing the
resulting films, she decides that teaching really isn't for her.

This piece is really too short to properly assess for technical
talent. But overall, the story is readable, at least from a raw
technical perspective.

What the story lacks is any character or plot. Jenaveve is really
one dimensional -- she's all about the sex, baby. And if you are
looking for vague descriptions of sex, sex, and more sex and how
much Jenaveve likes it, well perhaps this story is for you. Then
again, perhaps Debbie Does Dallas probably is, too.

If you are looking for more depth? Give this one a pass.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    7
Character/Plot  :    4
Crimson         :    5

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57615

Author's site (if posted):
http://lisa-chasse.blogspot.com/

Posted To ASSM: Sat, 10 May 2008

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The Truth About Paradise -- E Bywater
 	(metaphysical, no-sex, caution)*

OK. The last thing I need here is an onrushing jihad or another
Salman Rushdie affair. Nevertheless, I think this story is worthy of
review, so I include it here. They're my reviews and I'll include
whatever I want. Dragon's perogative. I will try to be as objective
as I can ...

So, Akmed is preparing for the ultimate sacrifice in a misguided
attempt to enter Paradise and meet the Great Prophet. Well, he
manages to explode himself and a few others into Paradise, but what
he finds there is not necessarily the reward he was expecting.

Ernest has written an interesting tale. Granted it is majorly
biased, but unlike many authors here, Ernest is delivering an
unmistakable message -- speaking his mind. And messages are good,
whether or not you agree with him. Stories should at least try and
tell the reader something, and this short piece makes a case,
whatever your beliefs.

While I question this piece's Eros, the story has a certain charm
and perspective, and personally (there goes my objectivity) I think
it is worth a look.

And at the risk of the aforementioned jihad, I can't say that I
disagree with Ernest's perspective. (So long objectivity. It was
nice knowing ya ...)

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    2
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57619

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ebywater/www/

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 14 May 2008

* Note: Approximate story codes added by a half-asleep dragon.

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Pool Party -- Willy Tamarack
 	(MF cheat)

As Sheila walks by, Charlie remarks to his wife about Sheila's
assets.  His wife, humouring him, says that Charlie really ought to
ask Sheila to give him a better look. After a few beers, and a
chance encounter at the bathroom, Charlie gets his better look and a
little bit more.

Overall, for a stroke story, Willy has done a reasonably decent job
at both the technical and the Eros. Personally, I found the sexual
description far too described and detailed for my liking.  I prefer
a little left to my imagination, but trying to be objective, I
believe that it serves its purpose and, really, what more can one
ask?

This story appears to be part of a bigger saga, though it stands
well enough on its own. But either because of that, or because it
unabashedly intends to be a stroke story, the character and plot are
rather weak. <shrug>

If you're looking for stroke, you could do worse than this.


Technical       :    9
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :    5
Crimson         :    7

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57554

Author's site (if posted):
None posted.

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 24 Apr 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cow Harvest -- RivYavtry
 	(sci-fi, tentacle)

In a far away classroom, the Professor displays a rather unique
specimen. Subdued and helpless, the subject of the class, a strange
cow, is probed and harvested as nothing more than an educational
prop.  The students learn, as do we as readers, about the relative
worth of life.

Now, technically, this story is exemplary. I think Riv has chosen a
unique and appropriate style for telling this particular story. In
its own way, the story is very effective.

Having said that, I didn't particularly care for the story, but that
is only my preference -- my failing more than Riv's. The story
seemed to be a cross between horror and thought provoking with some
sex thrown in for good measure, and I'm not sure I was in the right
mood to appreciate the deeper messages in the story -- or perhaps
they were simply mixed and I had trouble grasping them. No doubt,
though, Riv is trying to make us think with this piece and I believe
that it will work in most cases.

For what it is, and I believe its intent, the story is effective.
And it's worth a quick read.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :    6
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    6

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57575

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/rivyavtry/www/

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 01 May 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Quickie - Yes -- Redbud
 	(MF, cons, phone)*

I don't like being an inconsistent Dragon. You see, I normally
demand to see more than sexual content in a story to pique my
interest. For the most part, if a story consists of nothing but sex,
sex and more sex, well, I don't tend to score it highly.

So, Darren arrives at Sage's apartment after a two-week dry spell.
There, he finds the girl of his dreams talking to her mother on the
phone. A little impatiently, Sage pushes Darren away, indicating
that she needs five minutes before they can get down to business.
Well, Darren can't wait that long and so begins our journey into the
taking of Sage.

This is a quick story, so I will write a quick review. There is
really nothing more than sex in this story. At least on the surface.
Underneath all that wonderful, jaw dropping, juices flowing sex, I
somehow received a sense of character and depth that is sorely
lacking in most similar stories. I felt I knew Darren and Sage, even
while all I really know about them is that they are young and horny
and juiced up to the hilt.

OK. So it needs a proofread (site != sight, for instance), and
sometimes verb tense is lost in the excitement. And maybe it needs a
little spit and polish. It gets a little repetitive in spots.  Bud
acknowledges all this in his preamble so it shouldn't come as a
surprise. Nevertheless, the minor typos don't really detract from
our enjoyment.

I don't like being inconsistent. Perhaps it was the touch of
character shining through. Perhaps it was the writing style above
and beyond the normal scripts that have graced our little newsgroup
of late. I don't like being inconsistent.

But, man, is this story hot.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57578

Author's site (if posted):
None posted.

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 01 May 2008

* Note: Approximate story codes added by a half-asleep dragon.

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Essense of Amelia -- Obsidian Disorder
 	(M/F, control)

Amelia is a power-lawyer. Trained in Tai Kwon Do, ruthlessly
ambitious and drop-dead gorgeous, she makes a formidable opponent
both in the courtroom and for anyone else who might cross her. She
has a reputation of taking what she wants. Now, all this comes at a
price. Stress.  So one day, when Amelia finds herself on the wrong
end of a courtroom contempt hearing, she finds her stress level too
high to handle.  Only one thing will free her. And so the girl who
normally gives the orders, puts herself into a position of taking
orders without thought and without question. Does she find nirvana?

Now, I must admit a reverse bias on this type of story. I'm a sucker
for just about any story that explores the need of a smart,
intelligent, powerful woman to experience submission in the bedroom.
Yes, it's a niche genre, but everyone has their niches, even
Dragons.

So, gentle reader, you should not be surprised that this story
appealed to me for the most part.

For me, the story started out much more strongly than it finished.
In the beginning, I was fascinated with Amelia's character. The
setup was executed well. Then the story kind of deteriorated a
little when Amelia slipped into sex only mode and I lost sight of
her true character. While I realise that this is the point of
stories like this, I lost sight of Amelia's humanity in Obsidian's
obsession with portraying Amelia's submissive side. In a story like
this, for me, it shouldn't only be about the sex. Hell, I skipped
over at least half of the latter half of the story -- frankly, the
sex got boring to read. That is the challenge of writing a quad-ten
in these reviews. Balance.

Only a few typos, though the writing, especially in the latter half
of the story, is quite dense. I liked the characters. The ending,
unfortunately, was very weak and cliched.

Having said that, this is a decently written story, deserving of the
relatively high marking below. I did enjoy it, and suspect most
readers will as well.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    8

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57583

Author's site (if posted):
None posted.

Posted To ASSM: Sun, 04 May 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Sad, Bad Man -- Bronwen
     (M/F, romantic)

So ... a trip down memory lane. This story was originally posted
back when I began to seriously post in ASSM, 11 years ago. Back when
Celeste reviewed stories and, in fact, chose this story, and
deservedly so, as the story of the year in 1997. Denny was kind
enough to provide a copy of Celeste's original review for this story
and I've included it in addition to my own.

Bronwen is striking out into the world, young and free. She moves to
London, but finds it a slightly scary place and longs for the safety
of her home. So one night she returns there to spend time with her
safe friends and experience ... some carefree sex without fear and
without strings only to return to London, and her blossoming career,
at the end of each weekend. One weekend, she bumps into Liam, the
attraction instantaneous and complete. But being young, in lust, and
foolish, the pair find themselves spiralling a little out of
control.

Now there isn't much to say about this story. There is a reason that
Celeste chose it as the story of the year, 1997. Bronwen always had
a talent for both character, plot and, of course, Eros in a fine
balance that can't help but touch the reader. When I re-read this
story, I felt like I was there, feeling with Bron, living with her,
striding alongside her as she struggled to find her scattered
clothing after losing herself in Liam. Both characters came alive in
surprising simplicity and grace.

Such is the power of a well written tale.

I don't know where you are, Bronwen, or what you are doing, but I
dearly hope that your talents are appreciated.

We miss you.


===
Denny dug out the original Celeste's review! I'm going to repost
the excerpt here. I'm sure that Celeste won't mind.

(I miss Celeste, too)


"The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM

Accustomed to the friendly variety of sex in a typical small town in
the British Isles, Our Narrator has moved to London, where the risks
are greater and hence the pickins are slimmer. Masturbation is no
long-term solution, she says; it's like living on bar snacks.  So
she commutes back home for sex on weekends - until she meets Liam,
which, incidentally, was John Wayne's name in "The Quiet Man," in
which he returned from the United States to Ireland and beat the
snot out of whoever played Maureen O'Hara's brother before they
boinked happily ever after.

Ah, theirs was a lust "as beautiful as a horse galloping up a hill
on a bright morning, as the big breaker that throws you onto the
beach.  Beyond horny. Almost as pure as love."  And then they fucked
like magpies in heat - Bronwen says like a runaway train, but I know
a better simile when I hear one.  Thereafter, weekend followed
weekend. Nearly every weekend they ran into each other. Never, not
once, did they arrange to meet. But they met just the same.

He drank too much, he owned nothing, he had a child he never saw.
His life was without form, their talk was shallow. But sex with him
was like a country western song in a pickup truck at a bus station -
or like a fire burning, to use the author's more prosaic words.

So how do we get from there to the last three lines: "Oh, love, you
were a sad, bad man but I for one will never forget you. And you
taught me one vital lesson. Always wear your heart on your sleeve.
That way, at least it's legible." I guess you'll just have to read
the story to find out.

This is the best Bronwen story I have seen so far.  And that's
saying a lot.

Ratings for "The Sad, Bad Man"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

(from Celestial Reviews 224 - October 11, 1997)

===

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Year1997/4779.txt

Author's site (if posted):
None active that I could find.

Posted To ASSM: Sometime in 1997.

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========================================================================
Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
========================================================================

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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