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Message-ID: <57567asstr$1209388201@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.borked.net>
Reply-To: dcrimson@yahoo.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Crimson Reviews - #049 - 28-Apr-2008
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Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:10:02 -0400
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This instalment we explore stolen sex, sexy microphones, the thrill of
the hunt, sleeping tigers, vibrating pleasures, sexy beach vacations,
empathic sex and erotica at work.

And, as a first in Crimson Reviews, we also visit an old friend,
a classic author who is not forgotten. We also visit another friend
who is unable to join us, though I'm sure that our thoughts are
with her.

As always, enjoy the reviews.

  - Crimson

   Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself;
   Maybe I'll wake up for once

                         -- Evanescence

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

  - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone.
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Story Summary:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Abbey -- RedBud
     (MF, mystery)
     [8, 10, 9, 10]

Success in Television -- Shubie Sam
 	(MF cons oral piv)
     [9, 10, 9, 9]

Sophie - Perch fishing -- Pippi Forsberg
 	(solo ff fishing)
     [7, 7, 6, 6]

Sometimes, When You're Sleeping -- J. du Treilly and A. Mailenna
 	(sleep, perspective)
     [10, 10, 10, 10]

Good Vibrations -- Wiseguy
 	(Fsolo md hyp rom)
     [10, 10, 10, 10]

The House Near the Beach -- Otzchiim
 	(MF, MFF, cons)
 	[5, 8, 6, 7]

The Empathetic Girlfriend -- Stud
 	(MF, oral, cheat)
 	[5, 6, 5, 4]

Amy Masturbates At Work -- PlumpLvr
 	(F Solo Mast Public)
 	[9, 9, 7, 8]

Classic:

Maddie and the Dust Motes (A Merryweather Cousins Story) -- Souvie
 	(MF, oral, magic)
     [10, 10, 10, 10]

Monsters -- Alexis S.
     (MF rom tragedy)
     [10, 10, 10, 10]

Reviews:
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Dear Abbey -- by RedBud
     (MF, stolen sex) *

On the way home from his parents', Bill discovers that one of his
family may have been less than honest with him after Bethany thanks him
for a wild ride the previous evening. In obsessing about the encounter,
Bill finds that he must reclaim his wife and his sanity.

Many small technical errors here, mostly inappropriate word choices 
that would happily slip through a spell checker. I'm guilty of these
myself upon occasion, as Denny well knows, but sometimes a second pair
of eyes against the text before posting can help.

As many of my faithful readers know, I'm usually not thrilled with
overly extended and over-described sex scenes. I usually prefer
some elements left to my imagination. The exception is here, where
RedBud has a purpose in describing the sex -- obsession of the character,
not the author. Now, for all I know, RedBud is also obsessed with
sex, we all do post in this forum after all, but in this case
the integral theme is obsession. RedBud deftly describes the sex
without it seeming repetitive. Usually, I find myself yawning and
skipping over sex scenes, but in this story, I read every word.

It helps that the sex has purpose and advances the story. And that
it was smoking hot without resorting to unnecessary descriptions of 
the parts involved.

Overall, I quite enjoyed this tale. Find it, read it and enjoy it.


Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57524

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 09 Apr 2008

* Note: Approximate story codes added by a sleepy dragon.

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Success in Television -- Shubie Sam
 	(MF cons oral piv)

Peter is the newbie on the set, tasked with assisting with sound
adjustments before the big television charity drive which features
a live theatre production. While checking a microphone, he recognises
one of the actresses, Connie, from one of his classes, dressed in
period costume. Five minutes before they are on air, Peter needs to
replace Connie's personal microphone and gets a little more than he
bargained for. The show must go on!

Technically, this story ranks somewhere between a 9 and a 10. Overall,
it is really well written with only the odd distracting typo.

I liked the build up, where Shubie shows us what Peter and Connie
are really made of. I found the denouement a little weak -- I was hoping
with the meticulous build up, that Shubie had more to tell me than
two inexperienced people can get frustrated and get together to
solve that. The ending nearly wasted a very promising beginning, 
making the opening build seem slow and pointless.

But perhaps I'm being too critical here -- I only mean it as constructive. 
Really. The story is worthwhile. The sex is hot, the characters attractive
and it was a fun read.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57547

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 21 Apr 2008

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Sophie - Perch fishing -- Pippi Forsberg
 	(solo ff fishing)

Sophie is an outdoorsy girl. Today, she wanders through the woods
to her favourite spot and settles down to cast her line into the
water. Unable to help herself, she reaches down beneath her shorts
and reminisces about the last fishing trip that she took with Alice.
That trip resulted in a rather unusual tryst with Alice, involving
lesbian lust and a hunter's thrill. While masturbating and remembering,
Sophie is interrupted by a few catches, but that doesn't prevent her 
from satisfying herself in the end.

I'm a little at a loss as to how to characterise this story, so I'll
begin with the technical. Overall, the prose is reasonably clean.
But it desperately needs formatting. Paragraphs, Pippi, paragraphs.
It might help to present a more active cadence and variety to the
writing. I found myself itching to move on with the story -- I
wanted more immediate activity.

Now, I must slip into a more subjective mode. I saw vast amounts of
potential to this story, but what I read merely disturbed me. To
me, it seemed like Sophie was one step away from a career as a
serial killer. While this *might* be what Pippi was trying for,
I doubt it. I think Pippi was trying to relate the thrill of the hunt
to sexuality and embodying this in an aggressively female persona. 
With a different approach, I think it might have worked. As it was,
Sophie frightened me as a reader because I didn't understand
why she acted the way she did. To me, that should have been 
part of the story, instead of merely part of the sexual content. 
Unless, of course, Pippi was intentionally trying to disturb without 
purpose. We need more depth of character here. Unfortunately
for me, this lack spilled over and affected the Eros of the piece 
as well.

To be continued? I can't make that call -- only Pippi can as the author.
I would have hoped that Pippi would already have made that decision,
and preferably written the entire story, at least in her own head.

Will I read the continuation, should it be forthcoming? Perhaps not for 
this story, but I see a lot of promise in the writing, so perhaps I 
may pick up a future themed piece should one grace the group.


Technical       :    7
Eros            :    7
Character/Plot  :    6
Crimson         :    6

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57531

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted

Posted To ASSM: Sun, 13 Apr 2008

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Sometimes, When You're Sleeping -- J. du Treilly and A. Mailenna
 	(sleep, perspective) *

Sometimes sleep is not as restful as one might hope. This piece
follows a "Dear Diary" format, but it is cleverly written from
two points of view -- his and hers. And the reader gets treated
to insight. A classic example of how a piece can be bursting with
Eros and have not so much as one description of an overtly sexual act.

In the preamble, Adrian says that he rarely writes in collaboration.
I have no idea why not ... it is remarkably effective.

Bravo.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57512

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.1000gears.com/fiction/34_sometimes-when-youre-sleeping/

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 07 Apr 2008

* Note: Approximate story codes added by a sleepy dragon.

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Good Vibrations -- Wiseguy
 	(Fsolo md hyp rom)

There is perhaps little in the world more grating on one's nerves than
a delayed flight with an upset little one on board three seats back.
Margot is slowly going stir crazy, as I'm sure are the remainder of the
passengers. When our narrator politely requests a blanket and some
pillows from Vicky, the stewardess, Margot is confused but plays along. 
To the soft vibrations of his voice, Margot finally finds some peace.

The devil is in the details and Wiseguy knows his details. I doubt if
I'll ever experience another airplane journey quite as innocently as
I had before I read this story.

This story is fabulously written and edited. It has character, plot, 
purpose and focus. I'll admit that I was a bit nervous about the 
hypnosis code when I picked it up, but Wiseguy deftly turned my 
trepidation to pure enjoyment. The devil is in the details -- thanks
for the details, Wiseguy.

Go find this story and read it.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57468

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www

Posted To ASSM: Sat, 29 Mar 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The House Near the Beach -- Otzchiim
 	(MF, MFF, cons)

Maxine and Violet head up to Violet's parents' beach house. There,
they meet Anders, the hunk, and Joey, the sex-crazed loser. Violet
calls dibs on Anders, but after Joey is arrested, decides that 
sharing Anders is the only fair thing to do.

Overall, this piece needs a great deal of work and editing. Typos
abound, the writing is shaky, the characters are easily confused,
and the plot requires focus, to name a few. If I might offer a
suggestion: it is important to hook readers in the story's opening.
In this story, Otzchiim chose to open with a dialogue
where Maxine confesses a sexual fantasy involving a black guy
tied to a chair and a striptease. The fantasy might have worked
to hook some, but the presentation, the dialogue, was stilted and
difficult to follow. While I realise that this piece is really
only meant to be an expression of the author's fantasy, and fantasies
don't always make sense, it's important to get that hook and make
it work. It didn't for me.

OK. As I mentioned above, I'm seeing this piece as a fantasy
portrayal -- not really a story with purpose. There's lots of
sex. Lots of different partners. Lots of fetishes -- light
bondage, voyeurism, partner sharing, and even getting busted
over planted coke. But it didn't hang together and throughout
I lost track of which character was with whom. That affected
the Eros score below, but overall, if one is looking for mindless
fucking and can wade through the thin wrapper, it has a certain
sexy charm.


Technical       :    5
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :    6
Crimson         :    7

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57468

Author's site (if posted):
None posted.

Posted To ASSM: Fri, 29 Feb 2008


+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Empathetic Girlfriend -- Stud
 	(MF, oral, cheat)

As Greg and Yuna return from a romantic movie, their life changes.
While distracted by his girlfriend's pussy, Greg clobbers a homeless
man with his truck. Well, the guy isn't dead, but as one might imagine,
he is banged up and in significant pain as Yuna and Greg help him 
down from the hood of the vehicle. Greg realises, silly man, that he 
forgot to renew his insurance and tries to buy the guy off. Yuna, 
always the empathic one, demands that they take the man back to 
her place for comfort. After running an indignant Greg out of the 
apartment, Yuna ensures that our homeless friend is well cared for.

This posting could seriously use a proofread. Many typos; many grammatical
errors; many awkward sentences. I had trouble reading this, beyond
struggling through the stereotypical descriptions and awkward dialogue.

The plot seems contrived and the characters are reasonably shallow.
Yuna, who seems to be the main character, is the best fleshed out
of all of them, but her function appears to be horny virgin, Asian,
naive and empathic. That really should be enough, right? In this
story, it still comes across as shallow. I simply never understood
her and worse didn't *believe* in her. I certainly didn't connect with
any of the characters or plot.

Upon reflection, I think that my biggest problem with this story
was an unexplained dichotomy. If Yuna is so empathic, which is
central to the plot, why is she basically assaulting the guy after
nearly running him over? Not to mention how her actions would affect
her boyfriend, towards whom she has not extended similar courtesy.
Perhaps, if one were to reverse the genders ... put Yuna on the bed
with the big black guy having nearly run her over, the girl drugged
unconscious and in pain. Would we presume that her "saviour" having 
sex with her in this state was wildly empathic? See how this falls 
apart and affects suspension of disbelief? The reason here is somewhat 
obvious, of course. There appears to be an inherent assumption that
consistency isn't all that important if the story is only about the 
sex, right? I'm not sure that I can agree with that assumption.

Having said that -- if description of an Asian virgin cheating
on her boyfriend with a knocked out dirty smelly well hung black 
homeless man appeals to you, then maybe this story will be up 
your alley. Personally, I need much more than gratuitous interracial 
sex in my stories.

Technical       :    5
Eros            :    6
Character/Plot  :    5
Crimson         :    4

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57382

Author's site (if posted):
None posted.

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 05 Mar 2008

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Amy Masturbates At Work -- PlumpLvr
 	(F Solo Mast Public)

Amy works in a large factory complex in the accounting department.
In the olden days, before evil cubicles were invented, everyone
had private offices. One day, her horniness overwhelms her and she
locks the office door, slides her panties aside and, voila, gratification.
One weekend, her boss asks her to work on Sunday. Amy finds the place
deserted and after her data entry is nearly complete, decides to
take a well-deserved break.

Technically, this piece is reasonably well written and edited. OK,
the plot and ending are a little weak, but for what it is, PlumpLvr 
has managed to portray a satisfactory amount of character here -- the 
mild nervousness of an indulgence in a forbidden activity in an unusual
place; most of us should be able to relate to it if not experienced it
directly.

I think PlumpLvr chose well with a first person perspective. There
is a sense of immediacy in the writing and that helps with acceptance
of the setting and the intent of the writing.

Overall, a stroke piece plus a little bit more.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    8

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57483

Author's site (if posted):
None posted.

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 03 Apr 2008

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Maddie and the Dust Motes (A Merryweather Cousins Story) -- Souvie
 	(MF, oral, magic)

OK, now comes the really fun part. In the preamble to last issue, I
mentioned that I might consider reviewing some classic stories. These,
when I find time, will be reviews of classic stories from the past
from authors that I've known and loved.

So, this issue, we'll drop in on Souvie, from whom I have regrettably
not seen any fiction in a long, long time.

Caitlyn and Madolyn, cousins and witches, are discussing men in a
breezy cafe. You see, Caitlyn would very much like to be a bridesmaid,
and as luck would have it Maddie yesterday deferred her response to
a proposal from her lack-luster boyfriend. Unfortunately, Madolyn
also has been experimenting with spells and has caused a snowstorm
in California, upsetting a warlock who also *loves* to surf.

Needless to say, the warlock sends an unusual army for revenge and 
Maddie needs a helping hand. I'm going to make you read the story to
find out how it all ends up, but suffice it to say, the story
is entertaining and worth the investment to read.

The sex is as hot as it comes, combined with the talents of
a true storyteller.

Souvie has a talent for the written word. No doubt.

We miss you, Souvie.

Enjoy.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/39043

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Souvie/www

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 31 Oct 2002

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Monsters -- Alexis S.
     (MF rom tragedy)

Reviewer's Note:
   This review is a repost from Crimson Reviews #25, but given
   Denny's preamble to the more recent repost and knowing Alexis
   personally, I feel that the review is perhaps more relevant now
   than when I originally wrote it. This is an exceptional story
   and I only wish Alexis the best. One can only hope her
   daemons will someday be exorcised.

April is Sexual Abuse Awareness month, or something like that.
That's why Alexis has reposted this story. And I'm glad that she
did. It's appropriate. And I've been waiting patiently for a repost,
simply so I could review this story.

Charlotte arrives in Alaska in a blur, driving her vehicle into a
ditch. But when Robert arrives to help, he discovers a girl far more
banged up than a simple drive into a ditch was likely to produce.
And so begins their relationship, and our story.

This is not a happy story, but it is a story that needs to be told.
"Monsters" reveals a harsh and gritty reality of abuse -- one that
far too many people have to face, and only the strong survive. This
story shows the harsh realities of sexual abuse that are often
glossed over around here in an attempt at titillation. It isn't
pretty, but it is real.

The story focuses on Charlotte and her ordeal, in unusual clarity.
If we, as writers of erotica cannot explore such themes, then who
can? This isn't erotica, but it is a story that tackles related
themes that aren't explored enough in our desires to produce pure
titillation. The Eros score below doesn't reflect titillation in
this case -- this story really cannot be classed as 'erotica' in any
classic sense. Rather, the Eros score reflects a subtle beauty that
Alexis has managed to capture above and beyond the horrific subject
matter that she has tackled. As I've said before, Eros does not
equate with quantity of sex -- at least not in these reviews.

I felt for Charlotte, and I think that the images within will remain
with me for a long, long time, disturbing as they are.

If you are looking for a more typical BDSM story, where the lady of
the hour can only cry out to "Rape me, more!", then you ought to
look elsewhere -- but then again, maybe you shouldn't.

Well done, Alexis, especially considering the subject matter.
Sometimes we need to think.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/HIA_monsters.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41672
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57476

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 02 Apr 2008

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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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