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Message-ID: <57472asstr$1206969001@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.borked.net>
Reply-To: dcrimson@yahoo.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Crimson Reviews - #048 - 30-Mar-2008B
Lines: 386
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:10:01 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
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This instalment we explore lost panties, immoral coaches, romantic
interludes with pillows, a lost businessman, a lost twelve-year old,
and a farmgirl discovering herself. Quite a cross-section.

If I continue with these reviews, I'm toying with the idea of
tossing in a "classic" review feature, highlighting a story from
the past. We'll see how my time flows.

  - Crimson

  My wounds cry for the grave,
  My soul cries for deliverance.

                         -- Evanescence

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

  - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone.
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Story Summary:
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Going Commando -- Emi Tsuruta
     (FM, exhib)
     [9, 10, 10, 10]

Becca catches the coach -- thomas_g
     (MF, MFf)
     [6, 7, 4, 4]

Sarah -- posted by anony.mouse
     (M/F, rom, nosex)
     [10, 9, 8, 9]

Cynicism and Hope -- Leo Wulf
     (M solo, no sex)
     [10, 9, 10, 10]

Ascension -- Bradley Stoke
     (caution)
     [10, 0, 10, 10]

College girl's first time self-bondage -- Kinky Stories
     (virgin, light self bondage, FF)
     [8, 10, 7, 9]


Reviews:
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Going Commando -- Emi Tsuruta
     (FM, exhib)

It's like any other day. Emi gets up late, rushes to shower and get
dressed. To save time, she wears her swimsuit under her clothing for
her early swim. But wouldn't you know it? She innocently forgets to
pack her bra and panties. After her swim, Emi discovers her
forgetfulness, so what is a girl supposed to do? Without much
choice, she must Go Commando, of course. Unfortunately, she's worn a
mini-skirt today and it is quite some time before she can borrow a
pair of panties from Satomi. In the meantime, Emi finds time to
experience the most out of her innocent mistake.

I've read a number of Emi's pieces and I must admit that I'm hooked.
Emi's writing has a sense of honesty and candidness which is
difficult to explain in a short review. I believe that these stories
actually are drawn from her real life experiences and, perhaps, are
the most honest example of a portrayal of a closet exhibitionist
that I've ever read.

There are a few minor typos in this text, but overall, the writing
style and technique is excellent. The minor typos in no way detract
from the enjoyment of the story.

The plot is sort of focused on Emi's uncertainty about her desire to
be dangerously naked, but as far as plot conflicts go, it surpasses
many that I've reviewed. And, of course, there is character in
abundance here.

Now, personally, I find erotic appeal in Emi's uncertainty and the
situations that she finds herself in. I suspect most readers,
despite the lack of sex in the story, will enjoy the subtle Eros
that Emi generates.

Overall: great writing. Pick up any of Emi's stories and fall into
her world.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57437

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/emitsuruta/www/

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 19 Mar 2008

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Becca catches the coach -- thomas_g
     (MF, MFf)

The narrator's wife is a substitute teacher who has embarked on a
new job teaching middle-school health and coaching the girls'
volleyball team. Apparently, the previous male coach was fired for
lewd behaviour.  Soon, the narrator's wife becomes inexplicably
horny, much to our narrator's delight. One night, our narrator must
pick up his wife from work and discovers why she has suddenly become
so excited.

When I picked up this story, I thought it had some promise. The
story could have taken a number of directions. Neither the story
codes nor the first paragraphs were indicative of the story's
course. Sometimes, a reviewer needs to branch out a little and take
on some edgier stuff, if only to keep a Dragon honest.

We'll start technically. There are many typographical errors in this
piece, enough that they distracted me from falling into the story. I
won't point them out, save one that is interesting:

   My mind reeled all afternoon at the prospect of laying my eyes on
   these girls that were [effecting] my wife so much.

There is a significant difference between the words: "effecting" and
"affecting". I'll leave it to the reader to look up the difference,
but needless to say, the above example is incorrect.

I found the story less engaging due to a prevalence of the passive
style of the story. The narrator was seeing naked girls in the
locker room. The wife was having sex with him. These are not direct
quotes, but rather a paraphrasing of the passive style of writing
that I observed throughout the story. More active language would
help engage readers and possibly help with problems that I had with
suspension of disbelief.

This story completely lacked plot. The raison d'etre here is simply
sex portrayal. It may be enough for many readers, but for reviewing
purposes, there isn't much story here. The lack of plot is backed up
nicely by a significant lack of character. Even the narrator isn't
expanded, which I find unusual for a first person POV. It's all
about the sex, baby.

So, we are left with sex. Now, I try to be objective with these
reviews, especially with the Eros scores. To each his own, within
limits -- and for fiction, those limits are pretty wide. Personally,
I find sexual portrayal of dominant 13 year-olds completely asexual.
I'm giving the story the benefit of the doubt and assigning it a
generous 7 here. The intention of this story is titillation, and for
some, I'm sure it will achieve its goals. Removing objectivity, I
probably would have assigned this a 3 but I suspect that would be
unfair overall.

I can't say that I liked this story -- but take that with a grain of
salt. The subject matter and story style for this piece is slightly
outside my normal reviewing range and comfort zone.

Technical       :    6
Eros            :    7
Character/Plot  :    4
Crimson         :    4

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57439

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Thomas_g/www

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 20 Mar 2008

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Sarah -- posted by anony.mouse
     (M/F, rom, nosex)

James picks up Sarah from the shower and carries her to the bedroom.
There, he teases the lady and, while frustrated, she loves every
second of his attention.

This is a short piece that concentrated on setting a romantic and
sensual scene. It has a mild D/S slant to it, but certainly nothing
objectionable for most readers.

Overall, a sensual distraction. Check it out for yourself. 'tis
short.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    9

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57438

Author's site (if posted):
N/A

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 20 Mar 2008

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Cynicism and Hope -- Leo Wulf
     (M solo, no sex)

Robert Wells used to be part of a successful enterprise. But today,
his stock options have been liquidated and he finds himself sleeping
naked on his fancy couch, disoriented and confused. But he does
remember Elizabeth Chandler and how she made him feel. Robert is not
a stupid man, so he finds himself wavering between cynicism and
hope.

I have to be honest. When I picked up this story, I figured from the
codes and the potential subject matter that I would be sighing and
marking the "Crimson" score to an all time low. I am neither a fan
of M solo nor fantasy incest.

Having said that, I don't think I could have been more wrong.

Leo has written a thoughtful piece here. A word of warning, there is
no sex (no surprise due to the competent story coding by the
author), but personally, I think the story is better because of its
avoidance of sexual detail.

I will mention that the direction of Robert's fantasies disturbs me,
but Leo made that direction understandable. The story was meant to
be slightly disturbing, I think.

Technically sound. Different approach. A certain flair to the
writing. What more can a Dragon ask for?

Certainly a pleasant surprise.

Go read it, even if the codes don't immediately appeal to you.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57383

Author's site (if posted):
N/A

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 05 Mar 2008

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Ascension -- Bradley Stoke
     (caution)

We meet Sally as she wanders home, a typical twelve-year-old with
twelve-year-old problems. Until she arrives at home and we discover
that Sally has problems well beyond her years. Can she ascend beyond
her environment?

As always, Bradley makes the reader consider -- really consider --
his topic. Today, Bradley is tackling the darker and damaging side
of underaged sexual encounter: the more plausible results of
debauchery gone to excess. This is not a world where sex with
children is glamorised or encouraged to the reader. It is not
pretty. It is not sexy. It is not erotic. And one must consider
whether the real world should be any of those things when it comes
to underaged participants.

Bradley's purpose with this story is not erotic, so I hope that he
(and readers) understand the significance of the zero in Eros below.
I intend it as a compliment and a measure of success.

Amongst the waves of paedophilic tripe that abound the newsgroup
these days, this story is like a breath of fresh air, disturbing as
it may be. Perhaps, it is nearly necessary.

Thank you, Bradley, once again.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :    0
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57380

Author's site (if posted):
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Bradley_Stoke/www

Posted To ASSM: Tue, 04 Mar 2008

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College girl's first time self-bondage -- Kinky Stories
     (virgin, light self bondage, FF)

* Note: Approximate story codes added by reviewer

Kaitlyn used to live on a farm. She's mature for her age and
independent, but when it comes to sex, she has had neither the time
nor inclination to even date. As for solo pursuits, privacy was
always an issue on the homestead. So when Kaitlyn moves to the
outskirts of the big city for college and gets her own apartment,
her newly found freedom allows her to experiment. She finally works
up the courage to buy some toys from an adult novelty store and
along with some components from the local hardware emporium,
experiments with tying herself up, complete with escape mechanisms
and mind-blowing orgasms. The next day, she meets Melissa, who works
at the store, and they become fast friends with many common
interests.

All right, first thing, this story ain't deep. Nor is it supposed to
be. This is a reasonably standard story of innocent farmgirl going
overboard when exposed to the big evil city. But along the way, we
get to see her experimentation and that is sort of fun.

Technically, I liked the voice of this story. Written in first
person, it works. Personally, were this my story, I would have
included dialogue to forge a more intimate bond with readers and
possibly used more paragraphs. There were a number of minor typos,
most consisting of wrong words that would have passed a simple spell
check but failed a grammatical check. Perhaps a last-minute
proof-read would have improved the technical score below. Having
said that, even with a generous eight, the story is readable.

There isn't much plot here beyond self-bondage, lesbian fantasy, and
virginal experimentation. But I did get a sense for Kaitlyn's
character, albeit mostly from a sexual angle.

As for Eros: well, naked girls experimenting with light bondage
together? It worked for me. If you aren't into that stuff? The Eros
score might be a little high, but I think it is fair.

Overall, this is an airy romp, reasonably written, arousing and
enjoyable. When I started to review this particular story, I wasn't
expecting much given the title and first few paragraphs, but it
turned out fine. Give it a read.


Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    9

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2008/57441

Author's site (if posted):
Not posted.

Posted To ASSM: Fri, 21 Mar 2008

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========================================================================
Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson
========================================================================

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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