Message-ID: <56599asstr$1190005804@assm.asstr-mirror.org> X-Original-To: ckought69@hotmail.com Delivered-To: ckought69@hotmail.com From: Thinking Horndog <im_a_thinker@yahoo.com> X-Original-Message-ID: <564302.17115.qm@web31804.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2007 13:48:22 -0700 (PDT) Subject: {ASSM} Partying Big 3/5 {Thinking Horndog} (MF MFF FF oral ws) Lines: 503 Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2007 01:10:04 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2007/56599> X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Story-Submission: <ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Moderator-ID: newsman, emigabe Part 3 of 5. A female co-worker asks a shy guy to help keep her from being ragged on at a family function -- but it turns out that there's a little more to it... ___________________________________________________________________________ _________ Shape Yahoo! in your own image. Join our Network Research Panel today! http://surveylink.yahoo.com/gmrs/yahoo_panel_invite.asp?a=7 ----- ASSM Moderation System Notice------ This post has been reformatted by ASSTR's Smart Text Enhancement Processor (STEP) system due to inadequate formatting. ----- ASSM Moderation System Notice------ <1st attachment, "=?utf-8?q?Partying=20Big=5F3.txt?=" begin> Author: Thinking Horndog Title: Partying Big Part: 3 of 5 Universe: Partying Big Summary: A female co-worker asks a shy guy to help keep her from being ragged on at a family function -- but it turns out that there's a little more to it... Keywords: MF MFF FF oral ws Chapter 3 Despite Cassandra's efforts, I really didn't feel clean until I'd showered; after more or less presiding at the ladies' brunch, I excused myself and took one. By the time I was out and dry, most of the women had headed back off to Mimi's parents' place to start on preparations for day two of the barbeque. Mimi took me there and plopped me on the couch in front of the TV, where the baseball game was on, with another Bloody Mary. Mimi's dad looked up and smiled tolerantly, "You had quite a bit yesterday." "The girls kept plying me with liquor," I replied. "I'm on guard today." "You're still here today," one of the husbands observed, bouncing a six year old boy on his knee. "Yeah..." Given what I knew about the situation, nobody was more surprised than me. I don't do baseball, as a rule, so I couldn't discuss stats; I just watched the game. Nobody complained. Over the next hour or so, eight or nine women wandered in from the direction of the kitchen and either beamed or eyed me warily -- all of them from the married subset of the family except Polly. Polly was Cassandra's sister -- the one that got the looks in the blonde, fair-skinned branch of the family. The day before, Polly had been with Ray -- who was conspicuous by his absence. Like a lot of the others, Polly didn't say anything -- she just looked at me -- but in her case, it was an extremely lengthy examination. Mr. French finally looked up and asked her, "Something wrong, Polly?" "No," she said shortly. "Why are you giving Pete, here, the evil eye?" "It's not evil," she protested, "I just can't see how Mimi picked him out." Mr. French turned an eye on me. "Is that how it is?" I took a slug of my Bloody Mary to gather my thoughts, then said, "Well, Sir, that's really up to Mimi. I'll abide by her decision in the matter, whether I want to or not." Mr. French eyed me for a moment, then grinned. "Somebody give you Women 101 at some point?" I shrugged. "It takes two to tango, Sir. I'll dance until she gets tired of having her feet stepped on." "Huh," Polly grunted. "If she's that dumb, I can count ten other women who'll line up to take over..." She eyed me. "Maybe I know why, now." Turning on her heel, she headed off. Mr. French eyed me. The husband with the boy on his knee eyed me. Every OTHER male in the room eyed me. "You seem to have made an impression," Mr. French said carefully. "Probably no one is more surprised than I am, Sir," I told him. I turned my attention back to the TV; eventually, they all did, too. Twenty minutes later, Mama French came boiling through the door with a plate of baked goods -- and despite the fact that I was halfway across the room from Mr. French, I got the plate right after he did. She didn't move on, either -- just stood there, smiling until I backed up and said, "Thank you," with a brownie I really didn't want in my hand. Even then, she was slow to move on. This was in direct opposition to the day before, when I'd been greeted VERY warily and watched closely from a distance; I think the late Ray fared better. "Mimi says you like chocolate," she burst out when it appeared that we had no more reason to be in each other's presence. "Mimi is right, as usual," I replied, wondering where Mimi would have garnered such information. Probably Mama French just made it up... It didn't keep her from beaming at me before finally moving on -- and handing the plate to one of the husbands to pass to the others. I wondered just how obvious THAT was... Mr. French noticed, for sure. Rising, he speared me with a look, "Let's go start the grill." I knew when I was being summoned; I swigged the remains of my Bloody Mary (coughing on some pepper that had dropped to the bottom of the glass) and followed him outside. He made a production of squatting to check the gas tank connections and turning on the valve, then punching the igniter as he turned on each of the burners -- then he turned to me. "You want to tell me what magic spell you just cast over Emily?" "Emily?" I asked blankly. "Mimi's mother." "Oh." I hadn't gotten her name the day before -- just Mama... "They're up to something, Sir -- those women. I'm a victim." He pursed his lips, eyeing me, then nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right. From the looks of things, unless you run real fast, I'll be welcoming you into the family." "I'm a slow runner, Sir." "Glad to hear it." He got out a brass brush and worked over the grilles; our conversation was over. We went back inside and he stuck his head in the kitchen, "Ten minutes." Then he waved me back into the living room and I resumed my seat on the couch. About half of the distaff males eyed me with one expression or another on their faces; the other half ignored me and concentrated on baseball. I pretended to be fascinated with the stuff. Ten minutes later, Mimi stuck her head through the door, "Pete, Honey, would you come here a minute?" I gathered my glass and clambered up off the couch and waddled into the dining room. A half-dozen of my poker buddies from the night before were standing in various positions in the room, eyeing me, and another half-dozen of the already-marrieds were leaning around the kitchen door. Mimi took my glass and handed it to Trina, then asked casually, "What did Daddy want?" "He wanted to know if I was up to something." "What did you tell him?" "I told him it was a big female conspiracy. He's familiar with such things," I grinned. "What else did he say?" Mimi asked, eyeing me sidelong. "He asked me if I thought I could run fast enough not to get caught. I told him the truth -- I'm a slow runner." That got me pushed against the wall while a pair of ten thousand volt lips mashed themselves against mine. I launched a tongue and grabbed a big double handful of ass and worked hard at holding up my end -- and apparently did a respectable job, since Mimi lost her breath. When she backed off, it was only far enough to whisper, "That's my ass you're squeezing!" I grinned and whispered back, "Are you sure? Maybe it's mine..." That got me another lip-lock. After that, though, she broke out. "Go back to your game, you animal!" she exclaimed, clearly trying to pretend that my advances were unwelcome. I glanced around; nobody was buying -- including Mama French, who was somewhat scandalized. Aunt Betty was grinning from ear to ear. I looked penitent. "Don't I even get a refill?" Trina glanced down at the glass she was holding and took off like a shot, her oversize ass swaying. I had to hand it to her -- she managed to be graceful despite it, doing these little swinging jinks that got her past the slow-moving females in the kitchen door without any apparent collisions. Ninety seconds later she was back, still hustling. We'd kind of hung out in tableau while we waited, nobody really moving much; Mimi was pretending that I was a brute for squeezing her ass, and everyone else was basically waiting on Trina. When she solemnly handed me the glass, I cocked an eyebrow at Mimi and leaned down and bussed Trina on the lips while deliberately squeezing a big handful of her ass. This elicited a startled gasp from Mama French and a cackle from Aunt Betty -- and I'd never seen anyone with their heart in their eyes until I got a look at Trina's as I backed away. I turned and headed back to the living room, deliberately ignoring the general uproar behind me, knowing that it was generally favorable. Two minutes later, Mimi swayed in and plopped -- rather heavily -- in my lap, bracing herself against the couch arm. I limited myself to a quiet "Oof!" Mimi got glares from various quarters for her clear invasion of 'man territory' -- but no overt action. Mimi leaned in and whispered, "You set expectations in there -- Trina is gonna be Hell on wheels -- and the others are all gonna be lining up for sugar..." "It's your fault," I countered, "for pretending to be outraged at having your ass squeezed a little." "How do you know I was pretending?" she asked, eyeing me sidelong. I just returned her look. "Okay, so maybe I was -- did you have to set the whole place on it's ear?" "Your aunt seems to think I need to deliver on expectations," I whispered. "Well you can disappoint THEM a little, as long as you don't disappoint ME!" she whispered back. "Have I?" "No. But be careful, okay? Trina..." "...Needs lovin'," I finished for her. "I'll be careful." "Okay." She kissed me on the cheek and swayed out. I became aware that Mr. French was eyeing me in amusement. From there on, the day proceeded fairly smoothly. Without anyone else trying to bump up my alcohol consumption, I controlled it easily, staying just lit enough to be loose and easy and not freaked by the crowd of people. Couples and families started punching out at about five o'clock, headed home; we headed out a bit later, since we were only going to Aunt Betty's and she needed to back out of the party first. Mimi and I walked into Aunt Betty's living room at about eight o'clock to find about eight of the female relatives gathered there, plus guests -- Cassandra, Polly, Trina, Annette, her friend Trish (a Goth chick), Michelle, her girlfriend Lily, Irene, her friends Leticia and Kenya, Elaine, Aunt Kate and, of course, Aunt Betty... I swept my eyes over that mass of feminine flesh and the first thing out of my mouth was, "Um, look, there's only one of me..." Aunt Betty laughed out loud. "Well, four of us have had you -- but Mimi's an exception. On the other hand, you don't know who you've had and who you haven't, do you?" She grinned maliciously. "You're right," I agreed. "But I still have limits, anyway..." "We'll see..." Betty argued. "Well, I wasn't here last night," Mimi's Aunt Kate declared, "and I hear amazing things..." "I'm sure some of them are fairy tales," I replied. Aunt Kate looked like she had fangs. "I've already seen ample evidence that you're no fool!" Kate replied, eyeing me. "Some jerk-offs would be selling wolf tickets about now... Your head doesn't seem to have swollen too much." "The visible one, anyway," Betty chuckled. "I also hear you like titties," Kate pressed. "Are you just a tit man, or do you have other interests?" "I, uh, take the whole woman into account," I stammered. "So," she turned around and indicated her sizeable butt -- and age probably helped make it one of the larger ones present in a group with asses larger than the median. "What about this?" "I've learned a whole new appreciation," I replied, "although I always considered Mimi's to be an asset..." There was a titter generated by my inadvertent pun, but Mimi beamed. "So," Kate pressed, "is there anyone in this room you wouldn't fuck?" I let my eyes sweep the room. "At the risk of being thought of as less than picky, no. You all meet my standards." "We don't seem to have isolated your standards," Kate jibed. "And you won't," I shot back. "They're highly individualized and very subjective. Even I can't express them cogently." "How about if I asked you to rank them?" she pressed. "Put them in order of preference?" I asked, blinking in surprise. Flicking a glance at Betty, I asked, "Wouldn't that be counterproductive?" "It would," Betty agreed. "Let's not go there, Sis." "Wait! There's a method to my madness!" Kate insisted. "He can do it on paper -- but I want to see the results. We'll burn it, after." She looked at her sister. "You should see them, too -- you may not have such a high opinion of him, after." "I'm officially against it," I grated. "All the more reason," Kate replied. "You're a silver-tongued devil, you are. I want to see behind the curtain!" "Auntie! You're SO wrong!" Mimi erupted. "Tell her, Aunt Betty!" "It took a half gallon of alcohol administered over a five hour period to get him to open up!" Betty asserted. "He's only doing this well because he's comfortable!" "He could have strung you along..." Kate insisted. Mimi rolled her eyes. "Fine!" I snapped. "But I'm gonna want blood for this! AFTER you wipe the egg off your face, I'm gonna figure out something for you! And if it hurts someone..." I was royally pissed; this kind of thing could do tremendous damage! The whole idea, as it was given to me, was to boost the girls' confidence -- you don't do that by pointing out losers... "My, my! Temper, temper!" Kate retorted. "Fine! I'm not worried!" Two minutes later, I was sitting on a barstool with a clipboard on my lap, trying to figure out how not to telegraph who was where on the list. Some of it was going to be easy -- and some of it was going to be a bitch! The top: Mimi The bottom: Poor Cassandra. Number Two: Annette. Next to last: Lilly Number three: Elaine. Third from bottom: Polly. Number Four: Michelle. I changed my mind, erasing Elaine and replacing her with Trina. Elaine moved to Number Four, and Michelle to Number Five. Damn, this was hard! Number Six: Trish. I'd probably have to explain that. Number Seven: Kenya. Number Eight: Irene. Number Nine: Betty. Number Ten: Kate. Number Eleven: Leticia. I looked over it again; in order, it was: Mimi Annette Trina Elaine Michelle Trish Kenya Irene Betty Kate Leticia Polly Lily Cassandra I let my eyes sweep the group, grimaced, and moved Polly above Leticia -- the black girl was just too skinny for my taste. I thought about pushing her below Lily, but Lily repelled me with her in-your-face lesbianism. I picked up Kate with my eyes, "Get a lighter." "Betty?" Kate turned to her sister, who turned up a long-barreled grill lighter. The pair of them crossed the room to peer over my shoulder. Kate glanced at the top of the list and grunted," No surprise," -- then she shut up. She scanned the list and glanced here and there, looking more and more thoughtful. "Let's take this outside," she suggested. "Why?" I asked. "Because I want to know why," she replied. "Where?" "Outside that window," Kate replied. "Girls, turn on some music, and don't go too close to the window -- but we'll want to be able to see you all." She nodded at her sister, "Come, Betty." Moments later, we were standing in the gathering dusk, peering in at the girls -- who were looking back nervously. "This charade is NOT a good idea!" Betty declared. "Maybe not," Kate replied, "but he's too good to be true! Even if he can order them, I can catch him if he tells me why..." "Fine," I grunted. "Let's get this over with." "Trish isn't family," Kate kicked off. "That's a criterion?" I retorted. "No, but..." Kate cocked her head. "Why is Trina where she is? You did erasures..." "She's... needy, I guess. So is Trish. The Goth thing is a dead giveaway." "So is Cassandra," Kate observed. "From this, it appears that you don't like blondes." I didn't argue. It also turned out that they were shorter and wider and, well... "You know, except for the black girl, they're almost organized by height," Betty noted, then amended herself, "WE'RE almost ordered by height..." She cast a look at me. "I'm amazed at my position," Kate muttered. "Here I am ragging on you..." "I like moxie," I shrugged. "You're just trying to protect them. Besides, there's nothing wrong with your rack from where I'm standing -- OR your ass!" "Kenya?" Kate queried. "This isn't about race, is it?" I asked. "You asked for a list based upon straight appeal." "What's wrong with Irene?" I shrugged. Irene was working hard at being dykey -- it was part of why Kenya and Leticia were there in the first place. "Presentation," I replied, shrugging -- meaning the boyish hairdo and the tattoos and piercings. "There's no reason she can't move up -- question is, would she WANT to?" "Ah." Kate nodded. "You might be surprised. Ever hear the quote, 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much'?" I nodded. "Distinctly possible." "What if I told you that you could only fuck the bottom five?" Kate asked, eyeing me. "You're all in zone -- I said so. I'm not changing my mind based upon this." I tapped the clipboard. "I note that YOU are in the bottom five... and five is a stretch." Kate smiled. "Is that how you're going to punish me?" "You agree, then, that you're to be punished?" I countered. Kate flicked a glance at her sister. "Back to Trina..." "No. The list stands," I said flatly. "I've explained Trina -- as best I can, anyway. She brings out something in me -- maybe she wouldn't if I just met her on the street..." "And Trish?" Kate eyed me. "Same thing, to a lesser extent." I stuck out my hand. "Lighter." Kate tried to forestall Betty, but she made the pass. Trying to light the thing with one hand and hold it with the other gave Kate an opening to snatch it -- but Betty wrestled it out of her hands and held it for me to light, holding her off until it was burning merrily. "Enough is enough! Sis, you KNOW you failed! I know you failed! Even HE knows you failed! Now stop!" "Okay, you're right," Kate admitted. "I thought by bringing him out here and making him justify positions, I might pull off a miracle and get my ass out of a jam, but I failed. I apologize, Pete. You win." She cocked her head, suddenly coquettish. "What are you going to do?" I didn't have an answer. "I'll let you know when I've gotten my next dose of inspiration," I grunted. "Right now, I have no idea." I waved a finger, "I CERTAINLY don't want that list given out!" "No, you're right -- that would break things," Kate agreed. "Let's go in." We moved to the entry and as we came through Kate announced, "Mea culpa! Okay, girls -- you were right, and I was wrong -- he's the real deal!" "Hooray!" "Now what?" I wondered aloud. "More cards? Adult swim?" Betty pursed her lips. "That worked last night, but I don't know what it accomplishes today." I shrugged. "Well, it's fun..." Betty grinned. "There is that! I don't think cards are necessary, but how about a swim, everybody? Naked Marco Polo with Pete as permanent 'it'?" <1st attachment end> ----- ASSM Moderation System Notice------ Notice: This post has been modified from its original format. The post was sent as an email attachment and has been converted by ASSTR ASSM moderation software. ----- ASSM Moderation System Notice------ -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ------ send stories to: <ckought69@hotmail.com>| | FAQ: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/faq.html> Moderators: <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |ASSM Archive at <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org> Hosted by <http://www.asstr-mirror.org> | |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d; look for subject {ASSD}| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+