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Message-ID: <56116asstr$1182726602@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Yotna El'toub <yotna_eltoub@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Review of Lay Lines By Stasya T Canine ~ Yotna Reviews the Solstice Festival 2007.
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Date: Sun, 24 Jun 2007 19:10:02 -0400
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File attached. ;-)
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<1st attachment, "Review_Lay Lines .txt" begin>

Yotna's Reviews of The Summer Solstice Festival 2007
Lay Lines - A Man and Muse Story
by: Stasya T. Canine
 
Storyline
 
<Brief outline only>
 
Imagine you re-discovered a long forgotten talent, an under
utilised ability. Now imagine that talent could have been useful,
maybe vital to someone close to you. How would they react? What
would they expect of you? Well if they were your muse - quite a
lot! Thus our tale begins.
 
Merits
 
<What was worthy of comment>
 
As always with STC the emotional content is very developed and
this particular story helps to produce a very effective and
moving story line. I find the family that is encountered on the
way well rounded, the children are cut-out figures but the
parents - well I think I may have met them. That speaks a lot
for the depiction of mid-class 'drop-outs', flower power one
rebelled against, but still only once removed from the
protagonists.

There is the simple incorporation of 'magic' or at least the
otherworldly into a believable story line. It gives me the same
feeling that 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' did - namely I
wish this would happen!

Mystique without all the mumbo-jumbo enables anyone to consider
that this just could occur one solstice...


Excerpt:

*"Love.  I feel like an idiot out here."

"Keep searching."

"I am.  It only looks like I'm pretending to be..."

I froze and I stared at my 'wand'.   The pressure against the
side of my thumb was unmistakable.  I rotated my hand from side
to side slightly.  The wand remained frozen, pointing in the
original direction.  Barely daring to look up I whispered.  "I
found one.  I really, really found one.  Here.  Incredible."

Mahika came over and reached, gently pulling the wand sideways
before she let go.  It swung back and locked, without any side to
side drifting.  When she spoke, there was a soft reverence in her
voice along with a wistfulness.  "Incredible, indeed.  You
mortals never cease to amaze us.  We are power and that makes us
insensitive to many forms of power.  Yet...  You, standing
outside, are able to do this.  You can find power.  Find power we
would never know is there."

I looked away, embarrassed by the longing I heard in her voice.
I noted some landmarks so we'd be able to find this place again.
Then, casually,  I did a little twirling motion that left my wand
safely out of the way when I reached to wrap her in a hug.
"Solstice, my love."*

The description here is right on. I have dowsed too, the oddity of
that feeling when something moves the rod and you *know* it's not
you - nice writing.

I also really like the fact that our powerful Mahika has
limitations put on her by her very power. So many would go over
the top on non-human capabilities.
 
Demerits
 
<What detracted from the story>
 
Well STC isn't likely to fall into too many of the grammatical or
flow pitfalls he has been writing too long for that. My only real 
comment here is that the story could have kicked in a bit sooner. 
I found my attention drifting a little, and then the family turned 
up and won me back.
 
Atmosphere
 
<How well evolved was the environment> Marks out of  20
 
<17>
 
A strength in this story - the level invention used can be hard to
make believable; but this is never an issue - read the bit about
playing 'ball' with the family's pet and you will see what I
mean. No apologies for not posting an excerpt - it would be too
much of a 'spoiler'.
 
Workflow
 
<How well did the story progress and develop> Marks out of  20
 
<16>
 
Other than the slight lull in action I mentioned the flow and the
build up in this story is, put simply, superb.
 
Eroticism
 
<Just how erotic a read is this (erotic, not sexy!)> Marks out
of  20
 
<18>
 
The sex tends to be lacking a little in explicitness, but it
makes up for that with tenderness and a considered approach to
what sex is like for the well initiated. Not here the drive to a
furious climax irrespective of the partner no, the heights are
scaled together with patience (and some howling).
 
Mechanics
 
<The boring bit, grammar, typo's etc.> Marks out of 20
 
<17>
The only problem is actually inherent to this type of story. The
fact that there is a relationship with a non-human and highly
unusual character leads to the use of some language that is a
complete unknown to the first time STC reader. This is a deficit;
on the side of making it accessible to the casual reader, a brief
prologue to introduce the loose background of 'A man and his
Muse' would help considerably.
 
Impression
 
<What did I feel having read the story, did I want to read
more?> Marks out of 20
 
<16>
 
This is a strong story and it packs a punch. That appeals to me
as a reader and I shall read more. I now intend to delve somewhat deeper
into the 'still waters' of this relationship. As it says a lot
about the internal conflicts all writers experience from time to
time.
 
This is on the 'should read' pile...


Total score
84 Yotties out of 100.     <An average score would therefore
                                    be 50>


Readability guide      00-19 must try harder.
                            20-39 needs development
                            40-59 readable
                            60-79 good read
                            80-99 should read
                            100 reserved for my stories :-)

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