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From: Carol C <cobillard@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} The Golden Wedding Celebration
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Date: Mon, 04 Jun 2007 14:10:01 -0400
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"It was once said, and
very rightly, that a man who is well brought-up may read anything. The only
people who boggle at what is perfectly natural are those who are the worst
swine and the finest experts in filth. In their utterly contemptible pseudo-morality
they ignore the contents and madly attack individual words. ... People like
that proclaim their indignation in public but take unusual pleasure in going to
public lavatories to read obscene inscriptions on the walls."
-- Hašek, The Good Solder Švejk (Parrot transl.), pp. 214-215
http://www.svejkcentral.com/index.html
 

As sex manuals never cease telling us, desire and capacity
for sex can and should be with us until the end of life. The manuals do not
tell us when desire and capacity begin, but Mom's Friend does: at the start of
puberty, and certainly as soon as a girl's first menses and a boy's ability to
ejaculate the littlest bit of semen. (Median age at menarche is 12-1/2 and at
spermarche is 14, but at least in my experience lots of boys can and do have
really great sex by age 12-1/2 or 13 whether or not there is much sperm in
ejaculated seminal fluid.) The law tells us sex should be later -- usually age 16; but as the Beadle said, "The law is an ass". But
natural law, in the end, unless successfully interfered with by Church and/or
parents, decrees otherwise. And the statistics speak for themselves: I've
linked to them in earlier essays and you can find them easily enough using
Google. Age 15 is the median, which means that half is earlier. http://tinyurl.com/yxalr9 (PDF) ("Trends in premarital sex in the U.S.")
"Average" is probably well over 15 if only because there are people
who don't have sex until their 20s ... 30s ... or never. So read the statistics
carefully. As for "until end of life", older women have told me that
after, say, their 50s sex and orgasm are less valued for themselves than as
part of an "event" and a "relationship". Nothing to regret
about that, to be sure: it's a matter of biology and life perspective.
 
With us as with mainstream girls, the timing and style of our "coming out"
-- our defloration -- depend on peer pressure and peer example, and to a lesser
extent on parental influence. (I have written before about the fetish that some
young men have about deflowering girls, and I might add here that it's my
impression that, ordinarily, adolescent girls are more fixated on being the
first to seduce a boy than any boy is to deflower a girl. This characteristic
is behind both the "naughty nanny" syndrome and my own activities as
a 12- and 13-year old pursuing pubescent boys penises near the houseboat.) A
difference for us is in the irrelevance of privacy and in the ease and speed
with which a liaison can be consummated. Thus the public nature of our
lovemaking and the easy availability of scantily-clad or nude boys encouraged
us; to have regular periods and a maturing body and to remain a virgin would be
an embarrassment, the only solution being to absent oneself from Mom's Friend's
House. We lived a style of naturism where tumescence was admired and sex
vicariously enjoyed; the taboos against public lovemaking in conventional
naturism -- as in Scandinavian saunas -- were absent and the expectation was
otherwise. As a girl, it was my coquettish pleasure to cause a boy to have an
erection, whether or not I was interested in sex with him. And if another girl
intervened and made love to his penis that would be a source of amusement to
me. In this respect I was no different from the others in our circle of girls.
That was adolescent sex. We nonetheless looked forward to the possibility of a
lifetime of loving sex with a life partner. Somehow that was different. But
except for the communality of our sex and the anticipation of our defloration
by a year or two, I cannot see much difference with much of mainstream
adolescence.
 
All of that said, we were aware of sex differences -- psychological and
emotional ones. This is not new news: "[M]en take the same pleasure out of looking at an attractive female form as
they do from having a curry or making money whereas women do not take any
significant reward from looking at pictures of men."
http://tinyurl.com/2ovzju The distinction is not quite the same regarding
physical bodies, but distinction in response and in the matter of arousal there
is.
 
* * * * *
 
One of the most touching events I ever attended was the golden wedding
celebration some years ago for a couple in their 70s. I was there as the guest
of one of their grandsons. They had another, younger, grandson who was there
with one of the granddaughters, his cousin, as a date. The other granddaughter
was out of sight, with the "under-16s". Everybody else there was a
relative of the couple -- about twenty-four people not counting kids, or as a
date. The dinner was in a hall at a commune very much like Mom's Friend's
House. There must be hundreds, perhaps thousands, of these all over North
 America. Big houses where multiple families live in sexual
openness, often under a religious umbrella; one-room cabins where families and
friends spend weekends and summers, allowing children to be sexually liberated.
Like the Children of God or the Fundamentalist Mormons, although every sect or
cult and commune and set of likeminded friends has its own quirks. (Sex, it
seems, and at least religious sex and collective sex and public sex are
quintessentially American:
http://tinyurl.com/2z6fe5 How curious it is that America
should also be the last bastion of Victorianism.)
 
The invitations said "fancy lingerie will be worn". (In England,
"fancy" would be taken as "fantasy" and the event might
have been an Abolafia-esque Exotic Erotic (freakers') Ball. But not here.) I
took that as meaning I should buy something new and nice. The message was clear
as to what we could expect. I've been to nudist events and to costume ("fancy
dress") events and to formal events, but to very few events where lingerie
was the order of dress. 
 
(Speaking of Louis Abolafia, Mom would be saying, quoting a made-for-TV movie
we once saw: "think of Louis's gorgeous "big, circumcised, Jewish
penis'': 
http://snipurl.com/abolafia Sadly, he died: "Louis Abolafia, 54, an artist
who ran for president against Richard Nixon in 1968 as the naked Hippie
"love candidate," died of a drug overdose on Oct 30, 1995.",
Washington Post, Nov. 7, 1995, p. B5.) 
 
(A lingerie party is quite a nice idea, actually: it shows off almost but not
quite everything right away, and depending upon the protocol, one can get
excited about less being more, and more being seen soon. Starting off in
underwear is kind on those whose bodies are imperfect because they get to impress
people with their personalities and intellect while their bits are still being
supported and before having to show off the truth of things. The grossly ugly
or obese can't, of course, but I am not writing about such. Some men prefer big
girls; and I have a theory about big girls and -- small boys of the
Measurection kind --
http://www.measurection.com/ to the effect that they "try harder" and
may be the best bet as a partner for those who need prolonged oral stimulation
to achieve orgasm. But what do I know: all Mom's Friend's boys knew that their
first task, first obligation, was to arouse a girl, and cunnilingus was an
important part of that.)
 
The couple had spent their lives as teachers and they had a lot of stories to
tell. They chattered away animatedly from the moment they entered the hall and
I liked them right away. My date said they were involved in a place in Mexico
where teens could go for safe sex and postmodern philosophy, which I took to
mean the philosophical justification for free love -- something my Mom had
taught me long ago and which must have been exhausted in terms of new thought
in the 1960s. There was another room where younger kids, children of the
guests, were partying. I asked whether there was some legal or moral purpose behind
the adults-only rule and why children had to be protected from seeing adults in
their underwear and was told that was not the point at all, but that the kids
would probably be bored, and that they were welcome to come in for the speeches
and dancing and "so on". As it happened, "adult" was a
relative thing and none of the "kids" ('under 16s", supposedly sheltered
from the R and X rated session) looked to be much over 11. No obvious breasts
or big penises anyway, but of course you couldn't be absolutely sure because
they were clothed. Most pre-pubescent kids are bored by sex and ignore it --
and if not properly taught otherwise may be embarrassed by it in their
pre-pubescent years. But if they've been properly taught from a young age, once
they have learned its mechanics and what will be expected of them and when they
will take it for granted. And one day, perhaps with some encouragement, they'll
just realize that they want to have sexual intercourse. As soon as possible. At
that point all shyness and modesty and embarrassment, if they existed at all,
disappear and nakedness -- and the mutual display of genitals -- become urgent.

 
The youngest girl I saw among the "adults" looked to be 14 at most
although when I asked her later she claimed to be 16: I doubted it. She was a
granddaughter, a lithe, sexy girl, proud to be dressed in expensive underwear
in a soft, sheer textile that her nipples and pubic hair showed through, proud
to be strutting about with a boy with a sometime erection whose thin, tight underpants
held no secrets. It seemed she'd been around but was not hardened by it: she
had a shy smile and a cheerful disposition. But just looking at her I had the
feeling she had an urge to get that boy's erection into her mouth as quickly as
possible under the circumstances. It isn't so much that she -- any more than
most girls -- had a vital, urgent need for orgasm in the sense that boys do,
much more predictably. It is that like me and like quite a few girls it was (I
deduced) both amusing and satisfying for her to play on a boy's discomfort and
sexual need and arousal and vulnerability. That was my appraisal of her, and it
would prove not to be far off the mark.
 
(Bear in mind, Dear Reader, that these events happened a decade ago. If the
girl was "16", then I wasn't, in fact, much older than she was. And
I'd been sexually active at that point for more than five years and fancied
myself a critic of penises and boy personality, one who, thanks to Mom's
interventions, was not easily taken advantage of. The only thing that was
obvious to me was that, whatever her age, the granddaughter had more money than
I did. (In fact, the salesgirl in the shop I'd gone to with my date to buy my
costly bra and panties had quickly pegged me from my cheap clothes as C1/C2 working
class, not their traditional customer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_class She remained standoffish until the
boy's gold credit card came out, after which I got a tight smile, and my
goods.)
 
There was in the party room a wall lined with cubbyholes, an arrangement that's
ubiquitous in homes like that, in the parts where nudity prevails. I've always
wondered whether people worried about losing stuff; on the other hand I've
never seen anything memorable taken and I don't suppose anyone planning to
disrobe will carry valuables or wear very expensive jewelry. As people got
their outer clothes off I could see that most were wearing new, or nearly new,
stuff. I didn't have much money in those days; at a comparable event not so
long ago that I attended with the Blond-Haired Boy I wore Vagin Pouvoir
underwear. But that's a new brand, French naturally. (Its name means, by the
way "vagina power"). And not really expensive, as high-end underwear
goes: under $400 for bra and panty. My date, who knew I was hard pressed, paid
for my stuff, $200 or so I think. But cheaper than what the grandmother of
honor was wearing: somebody told me it was La Perla ($500) and it looked it:
expensively gorgeous, it created the appearance of, as the insurance companies
say, "new for old". There were whispers that other women there had
upstaged her with stuff costing $1,000 but I couldn't tell. The men wore tight
briefs, some of them rather transparent like the grandson's. In came to realize
in due course, though, that the pecking order was not by penile size but by
wealth. Somehow people knew, or could tell, even in the absence of clothing and
jewelry. But I decided on the spot that quasi-nudity could be more sensuous
than actual nudity. My date wore a gauzy sort of thing and his penis was half
covered and half protruding and visible. He strutted about quite proudly,
apparently trying to attract attention to it among girls and women. All the
women wore bras, as you would expect under the circumstances, whether they
needed them or not. (As a corsetičre once told me, "all women of a certain
age need them: it's gravity".)
 
(Shaving pubic hair has been uncommon in the circle I lived in. Those girls,
and their boys, like the notion of pubic hair showing sexily through sheer
panties, and anyway a lot of the time they aren't wearing anything at all so
they don't have to worry about hairs peeking around bathing suits or thongs. Or
about panty lines, for that matter. There was actually some discussion about
how sensuous it was to see pubic hair and nipples through the fabric of
underwear. I mentioned that I had been close to some penises that had looked
better pressing against fabric than in the flesh, and that got a laugh. My date
said "how about mine?" and pulled forward the elastic of his briefs
enough to show off his penis. I smiled and pursed and then opened my lips but
didn't otherwise respond, and I guess the smile satisfied him. Or perhaps he
took my lip movements as a promise of fun to come, which it sort of was. But I
started looking around at other boys to compare. A few had tight briefs of
sheer fabric, which was very sexy; others had plain cotton briefs. In every
case you could see a penis in nice outline: nobody wore baggy boxers. As I'm
always interested in the problems and contradictions of puberty I looked about
for any boys in the 11-12-13-year-old range, but didn't see any. (I know that
both in the world of naturism and in sexually-liberal communities changelings
sometimes try to opt out because of embarrassment during the period their sex
organs are growing. That's why Mom's Friend so vigorously fought against any
notions of shame, modesty and embarrassment at any age, and insisted that her
girls not discriminate sexually or gossip vocally on the penis geometrics. By
emphasizing oral sex, her plan actually worked since the biggest penises are a
disadvantage in oral sex anyway.) As I said, there were kids there who would
put on a nice performance at sex and who claimed to be 16, but I think there
were 14- and 15-year-olds among them.)
 
As soon as we undressed to our underwear, two waitresses in lingerie and aprons
served French champagne in glasses from trays. Then they served hors d'oeuvres.
There was foie gras, something I'd never had before (I understand it's illegal
in Chicago, and will soon be
illegal in California, but that's
another story
http://tinyurl.com/k29aa ), and caviar. Not the rubbish kind of caviar you
usually find but real Caspian caviar on blinis with sour cream and chopped egg.
These people lived better than Mom and I did: they had property and money; even
Mom's Friend who benefited from a modest trust fund and we considered well off
didn't live in such style. It seemed to me that if they had taught, they did
that for fun and not because they needed the money. But then my date told me
that had owned some land around Las Vegas
for decades and that it had suddenly become valuable and some developer had
bought it.
 
What struck me then, and throughout the dinner and later on, was that the
couple genuinely loved each other and couldn't get enough of each other. That
was very touching. I eventually learned that they had been involved in the free
sex movement and alternative religion, and then had found each other. But, like
Mom and Mom's Friend, they were committed to encouraging young and unmarried
people to experiment and express themselves sexually from puberty on. It wasn't
exactly Children of God, but not much different either, and I suspect there was
cross-fertilization from Moses David's "Mo Letters" ("D.O."
-- for disciples only) that set out his philosophy and instructions to his
disciples, including the instructions about flirty fishing and about teaching
children about sex and urging, or coercing, them to engage in it.
http://snipurl.com/22bt (Mo letters)
http://snipurl.com/1kb0p (flirty fishing)
(Which is not to say that either public sex or early defloration were universal
or predominant practice -- subject, of course, to how those words are defined
-- in the CoG. But both child sex and incest existed, especially in Moses
David's later years and in his personal circle. 
http://snipurl.com/encourage And it was notorious enough to scare away some
young mothers, including Mom and Mom's Friend. Yet early consensual sex between
same-age adolescents did wind up as an element of Mom's Friend's philosophy.
As, indeed, it has wound up, if less forthrightly, as an element of modern
American culture.)
 
The dinner itself was filet mignon with a vegetarian alternative. Then there
was a cake of course, and speeches, and a lot of photographs. And then a day
bed was rolled onto the dance floor and the Golden Wedding couple left their
table and went over to the bed and undressed each other and turned to us and
the woman said that "thanks to HRT and Viagra we are here tonight to
celebrate and to witness". And her husband gently took off her bra and
panties and she lowered his underpants. (The sight of a girl lowering a boy's
underpants and bringing his penis into view and having it get stiff and lovely
is something than one never can tire of.) They sat down together and kissed. He
had an erection already, and she stroked it gently and he moistened his fingers
and stroked her vagina. And then she knelt in front of him and fellated him for
several minutes, stroking his scrotum and stopping every so often to show us
the head of his penis. We had a side view of what was going on. He was slim and
athletic, with color in his hair and a spring in his step, so he looked really
good lying back on the bed, his penis erect and his scrotum fulsome and
promising, his back and head elevated on pillows enabling him to watch the
lovemaking on his penis. At a certain point, just when we would start to look
for signs a building up to orgasm, he made a signal with his hand.
 
The two changed places and roles, and he begin to lick her vagina and clitoris.
Older people are wrinkly and that doesn't make for beautiful images. But in the
flesh it's nice and it's touching when a kind and gentle personality shows
through. And penises are wrinkly anyway unless they're not because they're
erect; and vaginas aren't much different old or young except for the color of
the pubic hair and how dry they get inside. And with HRT and cunnilingus even
an elderly vagina can be quite wet. Also, a 70-odd year old woman knows what
she likes and wants. At a certain point the woman cried out delightedly,
presumably in anticipation of climax, and her man stood up and then lay over
her in a manner that let us see what was happening, pushed his penis between
her labia and into her (pink, as Larry Flynt would point out) vagina. He and
his penis looked very athletic and commanding. Her pleasure was obvious. It
took him a long time to ejaculate, something I take to be age-related. His last
strokes were short ones, near the vaginal entryway, and when he finished we
could see semen collected there. She reached down to get some, and I asked
whether this counted as Holy Communion -- as Mom's Friend taught -- and got a
noncommittal, i.e. secular, answer so I didn't press the issue. It was nice
anyway.
 
Some say that a public display of sex has no redeeming value, artistic or
otherwise. I disagree. It's not pornography when the players are beloved
relatives and friends. (And I am the first to agree that pornography --
recorded images -- are mind-numbingly stupid:
http://tinyurl.com/2vsn8w (an essay by a former film censor) but that is not
true of public expressions of romance and physical sex among family and
friends.) One is witnessing romance -- in the case of life partners one is
witnessing love -- as well as lovemaking. If like us you attribute a
sacramental value to it then it is, especially in this sort of event, a
reaffirmation of vows and a demonstration of physical bodily union. The penis
fitting into vagina is so beautiful and the buildup to joy so delightful that
no one has the right to interfere with such a consensual display and
celebration behind closed doors to an invited audience of like-minded persons.
One can argue over the presence of children; I would argue that it is sufficient
for children to be able to see their mother, sister, etc. enjoying sexual
intercourse from a young age so that they do not grow up with fear of the
unknown and -- especially -- do not grow up with the distorted view that sexual
organs are either "dirty" or "ugly".
 
At this point the two grandchildren, boy and girl cousins, came forward.
Twenty-one states and the District of Columbia
allow marriage (and thus sex) between first cousins. 
http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/cousins.htm I've written about this before and
recounted a case history from a letter I got from an Army wife. There's a
related issue of "genetic attraction" which I've also discussed. You
can search for my references on my Web site if you like
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil The girl gave a short talk about how
wonderful it was to have such grandparents, and how they'd been so generous to
them over the years. And now they wanted to help celebrate this great
anniversary. And so she and her cousin undressed and she lay down on the bed and
her cousin got on top and his penis was in her mouth and his mouth was over her
vagina and they got to work pleasuring each other. She was very regular in her
strokes, and he helped her by moving his penis just a bit up and down. And the
two of them never let their attention wander, which is important when you are
doing soixante-neuf. After a while a bit of semen ran out of her mouth and down
her cheek, and the boy moved up and around and began to lick at her clitoris
from below, every so often running his tongue all around her vagina and
pressing it inside. Two or three minutes after this she started sighing and
groaning. His penis was still reasonably stiff and now he put it inside her and
moved up and down, in and out. It was so nice to see his balls slapping against
her, his penis pressing against her "new" vagina. And her being so
happy and smiley.
 
Then they arose and went over, sticky and semen-covered, to their grandparents
to kiss them and pay homage. The boy's penis was sticking straight out still.
The girl pointed to it and called it a "lovely, lively penis". She
touched its tip, collecting a real or imaginary drop of semen on her finger,
put it on her tongue and giggled, and then she playfully offered the finger to
her grandmother. She stood with her legs were apart enough to show bits of her
wet labia, and someone next to me said that it looked delicious. At that point,
her cousin moved behind her and stood close, pressing his penis to her
posterior and cupping her breasts with his hands. He looked over her shoulder
and smiled at his grandparents. At that point, I realized that my date, brother
of that girl, was feeling randy. His penis was rubbing against me, he was
guiding me towards the dance floor, but not for dancing.
 
There were three more rollaway cots in the room and my date brought me over to
one, and he took off my bra and panties. I sat on the bed and took down his
briefs -- not without difficulty because they were tight, and his penis caught
on them -- and I kissed his penis. I have this urge always to kiss a
circumcised penis when it gets close to me, in my personal space. And I didn't
want to stop. I just kept kissing it and sliding it in and out of my mouth
until my date stopped me, saying he didn't want to come just yet. He licked my
vagina from below the way the younger boy had done to his cousin and this went
on for ten minutes or so until I was gasping and he could see I was ready for
orgasm. Without any signal from me, he put his penis in my vagina and I
responded by lifting my legs to give him space and to let anybody watch who
wanted to. By the time my date ejaculated I realized the room now had a few
younger kids walking around, and two of them were watching closely the working
movement of the penis in my vagina. It made me feel good to have an excuse to
give them a few words about the connection between making love and Jesus. And
also to point out that we were honoring the Golden Wedding couple. The best
thing was that we were helping to deprogram kids of all those horrid things
society tries to impress on them: modesty, shame, inhibition, shyness, not to
forget abstinence, things that are simply wrong, unnatural. Yet, impressed
early on young kids, they poison their minds and their emotions and ruin for
some the capacity for normal sexual relationships.
 
After we had our orgasms my date wanted us to pay our respects to his
grandparents as others were doing. We went over to them and they couldn't have
been more gracious. I could see that the grandfather was staring at traces of
dried semen on my breasts and I told him that I always wear semen as a badge of
honor, and he smiled. He said that my boobs were the greatest, and didn't I
like his grandson's penis? He though I must have, because I made such a
celebration of it going into my mouth. The grandma added that some people say
"you've seen one penis, you've seen them all" but it's not true.
"We're older now, and we sag, but we were young once, and we
remember." Grandpa said, "let me tell you this about that." He
went on to say how he had gone to a nude dance with a friend, and as soon as he
and the friend and their dates had taken off their clothes he had fallen in
love with his friend's date. But there was nothing they could do but stick with
their respective partners and have sex with them, imagining it was with each
other. Grandma said "they say that girls do not pick a boy for his penis,
but it was his penis that attracted me first, and only after that his face and
his personality. I was making love to my date, but I was watching Grandpa's
penis ejaculating inside his date. My date asked me how it had been for me, and
I told him "wonderful". But the wonderful part was imagining it was
Grandpa's penis in my mouth, in my vagina." Only after they had finished
having sex did they drift away from the "date that brung them" and
towards each other. And finally their two dates gave up and started paying
attention to each other instead, for the rest of that day. And Grandma played
with Grandpa's penis, sticky from the other girl's vagina, and didn't mind it
at all.
 
'We've had sex maybe 12,000 times since then. We always try to see and be seen.
Except of course those hundreds of times when we locked ourselves in the
teacher's bathroom and did it there. It amuses us, but sometimes school kids
are doing the same thing -- oral sex -- on the stairwell the other wide of the
wall. A couple of times I've caught them doing it, in flagrante delicto, penis
in mouth. I just smile and walk on. Other teachers get excited and nasty over
that, not me. I know that regular orgasms and the sexual confidence of boy-girl
sex rather than having to masturbate make kids better students -- and that's
true of both boy and girl. Our kids were introduced to sex as soon as they
reached puberty. They were accustomed to nudity, and we're involved with a
whole circle of like-minded parents, and we arranged boy-girl sleepovers. The
point is that we want puberty and adolescence to be the happiest, and not the
most anxious, stage of a kid's life. And a boy and girl can't really get to
know each other thoroughly except with penis and vagina. But it's up to the
parents to keep kids, girls especially, safe. A boy will not "take
advantage" if he knows the girl's mom is watching him making love to her
daughter. And a girl who takes pride in showing her mom and dad how sensually
she can bring a penis to ejaculation is one who is secure in herself and in her
relationship with family and lovers. It gave us a lot of pleasure, of
satisfaction, to see our daughters playing with penises and making boys, and
themselves, happy with orgasms and ejaculation and semen and all. It's the same
thing with our grandchildren. The cycle of life is repeating itself, and sex is
the engine. It has to give the greatest pleasure to any parent to be there when
their child experiences their first orgasm. And every person should have as
many orgasms as possible in his or her lifetime. Isn't it lovely out there on
the dance floor? All those erections, all those ejaculations, all those wet
vaginas and all those happy faces?
 
'We tried to raise our girls in a sexually open way. We took home movies of our
older girl's first sex. It was so cute the way she took off her boy's pants and
underpants and frolicked with his penis until he couldn't stand it any more. But
he still had to bring her to arousal and wetness and lick her vagina a lot
before we'd let him put his penis inside her. A parent can't safely have such a
celebration anymore: the sex police, with a bit of help from perverted
pedophiles, have spoiled it. Now children are told by their parents (with tight
smiles that say they don't really mean it) not to have sex until age 16. And of
course kids know their parents don't mean it and they do what we really want,
which is to have early and lovely sex. If parents do get to watch it's with
trepidation that they might be caught out by the authorities. They are made
into pawns of the hypocrites in power. 
 
At this point I spoke about the defloration parties that used to happen at
Mom's Friend's House until quite recently. Grandma agreed that such a
coming-out event is the best possible way of marking a girl's passage, and the
best way to assure her a real orgasm that first time. And to banish any
apprehension over that first penis, to make her confident as she plays with it,
kisses it, and at just the right time guides it into her vagina.
 
"One of our daughters lives out of state. She has a one-room house, a small
barn, and there's lot of nudity and friends bring their kids. So the kids were
always exposed to adult and teen sex, and they went into their sex lives quite
naturally and easily. You saw the girl today -- how she bantered with her
cousin, played with his penis -- and the two of them had such fun. She's like
that with any boy who takes her fancy, and who is respectful, romantic,
generous and fun -- who has a sense of humor and obligation, and makes her
climax his first priority. I think you can read a kid's character in his penis
or her breasts: the way they carry themselves. And of course kids talk, and their
reputation tends to precede them. A boy can be sent to Coventry
for one wrong move with a girl, for a bad attitude, for what I call 'arrogance of penis'.
 "[Grandma] never says no to me when I have an erection. If she spots my penis
getting hard under my clothes, she undresses me -- opens my belt, unzips my
pants, stares at my hard-on, maybe caresses it through the cloth, and pulls
down my underpants to kiss it. The kids would see that, and they learned early
on that oral sex is fun. [Grandma] likes being cuddled, likes me kissing her
breasts and, usually, licking her clitoris. But if she doesn't want me fussing
with her vagina, if she doesn't feel like working for an orgasm, she'll just
pop my penis into her mouth and work on it until I come in her mouth, and
she'll swallow it and smile."
 
That girl, the one he fell in love with while she was having sex with someone
else: here she was, his wife of 50 years. How touching. How urgent it was that
they should be sharing their sexual electricity with us. His fingers were at
her labia, fondling her clitoris, pulling the labia apart, showing us her
vagina. And showing their grandchildren the route of their ancestry. I put my
hand on my own boy's penis, hoping to make it stiff, which is what happened. It
was still a little sticky from before. Inadvertently I was holding it pointing
it directly at the grandmother. She smiled. My date and I told them both how
lovely the event was, how we wished them another 50 years together; and we
moved to the dance floor to join the dancing. 
 
A few of the little kids, girls especially, were dancing too. Fully clothed,
the little kids. I saw two boys, of 10 or 11, sitting in a corner watching the
nudity and the sex. I think it's essential that children should, throughout
their childhood and time and again see penis made erect and penis sliding in
and out of the mouth and vagina of girl. I saw one small boy rubbing his penis
through his pants: a perfectly normal reaction. I wondered how big it was, and
whether he was ready for sex yet himself. Probably not: wait "til next
year. (How often I myself, as an adolescent, had targeted such boys, monitored
their penile growth and rushed to be the first, or one of the first, to enjoy
their semen.) I thought I should say something encouraging to him, but I never
got the chance. One of the waitresses came over and gently directed them, and
the other kids who had been watching, back to the room they had come from.
Apparently the family involved and the various sexually liberal associative groups
to which they belonged had varying views of the degree to (or distance from)
which pre-pubescent kids should be allowed to observe sex. Personally I think
it's important that even the youngest children understand the process of
puberty and anticipate the freedom and orgasmic joy it offers. Others are
afraid that pre-pubescent children will try penetrative sex on their own: I'm
not sure that's a real problem or that anything we can do will affect it, other
than prohibiting the kind of "naughty nanny" seduction that took
place under Moses David in his later years -- and when the victims were
toddlers it can hardly be called "seduction': 
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/sfc-davidito.html I would like to think that
even the youngest kids can safely (and protected by their mothers from abuse)
be given the opportunity to observe adult nudity and, occasionally, teen and
adult couples enjoying sex. And to learn how a grown penis ejaculates at orgasm
and that semen is a very special God-given substance to be treasured. And of
course that oral sex as foreplay is an essential part of lovemaking. 
 
(Years later, the Blond-Haired Boy, my lawyer boyfriend, would tell me that
it's one thing for a child to watch adolescents and adults at sex -- as Mom's
Friend had allowed them to -- and another thing to videotape the event or
otherwise preserve damning evidence of the "crime" of allowing them
to do so. It seems that Kenneth L. Hall, a Nevada
lawyer, did that in his office and when his ex-fiancée found the tape and turned
it over to the authorities, he was prosecuted for misdemeanor child abuse
(based on a tolling of the statute of limitations) and suspended from the
practice of law.
http://snipurl.com/kennethlhall (Nevada Bar, PDF). I've linked to a few such
cases in previous essays but not many have made the newspapers or the law
books. Here's one prosecution that just happened, and the curious thing about
it is that it involved a British couple having sex in England on webcam for the
benefit of a "girl and grandfather" in New York:
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/swinger-web.html In general such
prosecutions are just examples of societal meddling in "what comes
naturally", and gratuitous, nasty punishment for a harmless exhibition and
what is really positive sex education. For Hall the real "crime" was
offending his now ex-fiancée: "Hell hath no fury", etc., etc.)
 
At the Golden Wedding celebration some guests, it seems, were committed
naturists; others were occasional swingers or dogging (a nice British term, you
can Google it) aficionados. It's unsurprising that a subgroup of naturists is
also involved in swinging and in family sexual liberalism. But as Mom's Friend
found out soon after she opened her refuge for single mothers from the CoG and
similar backgrounds, you need to have a critical mass of like-minded adolescents
if you are going to provide adequate opportunity for them to grow sexually,
having many partners while doing that -- while being assured of a safe
environment, both from the standpoint of outside predators and of STDs. I guess
every girl gets accosted by some dirty old man, and lots of girls will have had
men flash themselves. It has always seemed obvious to me that by knowing a lot
about male biology and having really nice naked boys always within reach I
would be immune to any blandishments, and aware of any dangerous situations. In
this day and age, the first thing a girl should do when confronted -- after
getting a safe distance away -- is to take a picture with her cell phone.
Terrific Girl, who always looked younger than she was, once told a guy that his
penis looked horribly unwashed, and rather limp and that all the boys she knew
had really nice erections and ejaculated lots. But she knew what the guy didn't
-- that a group of mothers with children were about to round the corner and
provide cover and protection for her.
 
While I don't think it was a major problem at the time, some ten years ago, now
it is a horrific one: the soliciting and grooming of vulnerable children on the
internet by perverted, dirty old men. Kids didn't have Facebook, MySpace, chat
rooms and Skype ten years ago. In our own universe there were three
protections: the rule that you should have sex only if you had been
"properly introduced", the one that limited sexual contact to other
minors within 10% or so of your age, and the rule that we should try never to
have sex without friends and family about. In reading over my diary entries for
the Golden Wedding celebration, I don't see any mention of having asked about
these points -- but I think they're fairly universal within the
sexually-liberal community. Certainly that's true within the subgroup of
Christian sexual liberality, including the ex-CoG people typified by Mom and
Mom's Friend. For them, training their daughters about sex and making sure they
are familiar with, and unafraid of, penises and semen and that they know about
the physical, emotional and intellectual changes that occur with puberty and
the urges that result -- and most of all that they understand boy psychology --
these are measures of protection. Girls of 13 or 14 who respond to invitations
from older men seem to do so because they feel a need for physical sex, but
boys their age are too immature to provide it. And probably too boring. But
boys who have grown up in that milieu are generally ready to have sex as soon
as their penises have developed a bit, and of course oral sex is quite nice at
that stage of life. This is something I know a bit about, mainly from my year
on the houseboat when I learned to discern from a glance and a short chat which
boys were worth flirting with, with the aim of seducing them, playing with
their penis, giving them their first experience of ejaculation into girl. But
my strategy then was to make the boy uncomfortable by getting my breasts into
his private space. And since I didn't wear a bra, he'd probably try to see them
and I'd end up demanding reciprocity and I'd bring him onto the houseboat and
get to see his penis. And we'd take it from there. The most challenging occasions
were those few times where Mom came aboard while we were in the midst of
something, and Mom was in the habit of undressing even before she came into the
bedroom -- so once or twice she walked in nude while the boy's penis was in my
mouth. She, of course, didn't mind; in fact she would be amused. But the risk
was that the boy could lose his erection quite fast. And then I'd have to start
all over again, tickling the head and underside of his penis with my tongue and
building up to the crescendo of orgasm -- typically another 5 to 10 minutes of
work.
 
As for adult men being potential predators, I don't mean to give support to
those radical feminists who suppose that all or most men are evildoers. There
must be many fathers like Terrific Girl's who was completely supportive of her
sexual freedom and sexual learning, without any jealousy or lust at all, and no
apparent discomfort seeing her at sex. I remember when, soon after Terrific
Girl, not quite 12, had "come out" (she was in the back yard, nude,
and spontaneously began flirting with a 13-year-old boy and before we knew it
his penis was in her vagina) she regretted that her dad hadn't been there to
watch. So she made a point of waiting for her dad to be there before chatting
up another boy, absentmindedly putting her hand on his knee, and then slowly
moving her hand to his penis. They began kissing and soon she was massaging his
penis and then it was in her mouth. To her father it was just a rite of passage
for a young girl to have a mouth filled with semen. His only concerns seemed to
be that she would be assured an orgasm too, and he told the boy that. (As for
the girl, like all girls, she would be expecting more: a boy who puts his penis
inside a girl's body owes her "allegiance for a day", and he must give
her not only a climax but his undivided attention and romantic endeavor. For
that day.) As I think everybody knows, once a girl has reached the cusp of
orgasm from a boy kissing and licking her vagina and clitoris, a penis -- even
one that has ejaculated only a few minutes before and isn't fully hard --
should slide easily into her vagina. And so it did with Terrific Girl. And
after that, she developed the most sensuous style when manipulating a penis: it
always seemed to the observer that there was no penis in the world she'd rather
be making love to than the one in her mouth, and nothing she'd rather be doing
than playing with a penis. She had an irresistible soft smile whenever there
was semen on her lips and it made whatever boy she was with want to kiss her
there. 
 
Which was the whole point, I think: to share that semen, the Holy Communion
Host, of the boy. If her dad was watching, sometimes she'd put on a display,
such as bringing a penis to maximum excitement, then taking it out of mouth and
circling his head repeatedly with her tongue -- and catching all the spurting
semen inside her mouth. (This is something, seemingly, valued only by porn
stars and those who, like Mom's Friend's pupils, put semen in a religious
perspective. But even if you are a follower of Christopher Hitchens ("Scientific
advances have rendered faith all but redundant.") 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Hitchens it is possible to see in
semen a mystical connection down the ages and a spiritual connection to one's
partner. If you visit university-sponsored student sex-advice self-help Web
sites you may see more than you expected to find on the subject.
http://tinyurl.com/3e2bty Post-Clinton, the taboo has gone away: and whatever
became of the semen that did NOT spill onto Monica's dress?) Then she would
finish off the penis with lips and tongue moving over it in swift strokes and
keep the semen in her mouth while the boy performed cunnilingus on her. (Of
course if the semen didn't spurt and only dribbled, the show might be spoiled;
but in general if a young boy's penis is excited as intended the semen will
exit with some force.) I have never seen Terrific Girl gag, so she obviously
was good at aiming the flow from penis towards the roof her mouth.
 
((Recent reporting has noted an increase in oral cancers attributed to HPV
http://tinyurl.com/3yzsuc -- which raises three points relevant here: (1) that
oral sex has indeed become common currency among teens; (2) that Mom's Friend
was right to ring-fence our universe of partners to protect against STDs; (3)
that the Texas legislature, in denying girls HPV vaccine, 
http://tinyurl.com/37p42j has confirmed its reputation as a bunch of
bloodthirsty, hypocritical perverts. The quotation at the end of this essay
fits here, mutatis mutandis.))
 
Notwithstanding Terrific Girl's experience with her father being particularly
fatherly upon seeing her for the first time with a penis in her mouth, I would
hesitate to say that many or most men, fathers included, can totally suppress
their libido when nude adolescent girls are playing with penises in their
presence. We tried several experiments along that theme, typically writing a
playlet that involved teen sex, requiring the audience to be naked, and having
the ushers discreetly keep tabs on the men's penises and their breathing rates.
I was in a couple of those shows and tried always to choreograph sex involving
a penis in my mouth and also the same penis going in and out of my vagina, with
my rear end facing the audience and my legs spread out and held high enough so
that the to-ing and fro-ing of the penis was, so to speak, in the faces of the
audience. Since there were far more single moms living and visiting at Mom's
Friend's House at any one time than there were men, inciting lust among the men
was harmless fun: they would have their pick of willing and able women after
the show. In fact, we'd have been disappointed if all the men and boys there
weren't aroused and eager for sex by the time the curtain went down. Even Older
Girl reading Shakespearean sonnets in the nude onstage was enough to excite a
lot of the men. If, once in a while, she scratched an imaginary itch at her
labia, they would go wild. After she reached 19 and was no longer subject to
her mother's (Mom's Friend's) rules, she kind of liked having fun with fathers
-- indeed with almost any man other than Rev. X. Older men tended to be
generous (and the reason Rev. X was excluded was that he was not, and he was
lecherous besides -- she had seen how he would contrive to get his penis inside
every girl on or soon after her 18th birthday) and since they had to have sex
with Mom's friend around they were bound to be on their best behavior. Even if
they weren't used to oral sex on a woman, they understood that they'd probably
have to do it to her, and do it gladly and with finesse because not only Mom's
Friend but probably their own offspring would be watching. 
 
Getting back to the Golden Wedding celebration, I have to say that Grandpa and
Grandma, while seemingly taking everything in stride, were apparently watching
everything and passing judgment. I have never pretended to be the greatest
lover in our circuit, nor the most beautiful girl: I think of all the girls at
Mom's Friend's House, for example, the prize would go to Terrific Girl for
character, personality, appearance and style: "appearance" of
breasts, face, vagina; "style" of comportment, especially with a
penis in her hand. But Terrific Girl wasn't at the Golden Wedding, and my date
came over to me later to say that Grandpa had thought really highly of me.
"Because", he said, "sex is not just what you do but what you
say -- it's more, what you don't say, what you imply or suggest." And he
felt I had succeeded in leaving every male there with the feeling that I would
like nothing more than, next time, to have his penis explode in my mouth with
orgasm; and that afterwards I would like to know the story of his life and tell
him mine; and have him gaze at my body forever. It's true, of course, that I do
like men to love my body, to flirt with me, and to have erections. And,
perhaps, to reward me with just a drop of seminal fluid at the tip of their
erect penis, wishing that I would lick it off. Which of course I wouldn't
because invariably I would be with another guy and our rule was one boy and one
penis per day.
 
* * * * *
 
I wanted to clarify something that, because of her mention of HRT and Viagra, I
thought the grandmother would be happy to talk about. Political correctness
keeps the obvious truth -- that most menopausal women have a limited appetite
for sex -- from being admitted for what it is. I've talked about it with Mom,
but since her disability -- her wasting disease -- she hasn't sought sex, and
the only times she's had it was when an old politician friend of hers would
visit from out of state and, for old times sake, insist on a gentle round of
oral sex. Mom's Friend seems to deny the problem exists -- but then she's one
of the exceptions. Why is it that so many men divorce in their 50s if not
because they aren't getting the opportunity for sex that they used to have and
their children are grown -- and more than likely their particular marriages are
based on not much more than sex and children. Invariably such men marry younger
women. Quod erat demonstratum, or res ipsa loquitur. Or something like those.
 
The grandma disappointed me in the sense that she said that HRT had kept her
active, and "I'm not a doctor, what do I know?" She also lauded the
merits of K-Y jelly, but said -- as I well know -- that oral sex is more
effective. And she told me to look around at all the over 50s who'd just had
gratifying sex. True: but even over-50s women like to have sex for celebration,
or when they're away from home. There have been studies on STDs acquired by the
elderly through casual sex, especially during cruises. Here is one professional
report: S. Hawkes et al., "Risk behavior and STD acquisition in
genitourinary clinic attendees who have travelled", Genitourinary Medicine
1995; 71(6):351-54 
http://tinyurl.com/22doc7 And here's one from a local health department in New
Jersey:
http://tinyurl.com/yrtntf
 
I was interested to know whether the half-hearted and ineffectual exclusion of
under-16s was a matter of protection from the law, or whether -- contrary to
everything I assumed -- any adolescent with pubic hair was welcome to have sex
with any other. How about the extremes, such as those 13-year-olds who've had
sex with men in their 20s and married them upon getting pregnant? Was there any
same-age rule? Grandma was noncommittal. I think for her, it's a matter of
"don't listen to what I say, look at what I do". Her kids, it turned
out, had been sexually active since puberty -- around age 13. Ditto for her
grandchildren. That seems to be the culture, and it's less than 2 years younger
than the national average. Grandma wasn't shocked when I told her that I lost
my virginity in an accidental tumble with a boy at age 11-1/2: she only smiled
and asked if, contrary to most girls, I had enjoyed it. My answer was that I
would almost surely have enjoyed it if it had been planned, if I'd had a
coming-out party and if the boy had prepared my vagina with "wet, loving
kisses and caresses with his tongue". But that I knew I would like it the
second time, and for that there were witnesses and the boy I chose had to, in
the words of that Mae West song, "take his time". And assure me an
orgasm, and give me the opportunity to play with his penis before and after,
and to have the taste of semen in my mouth, and so on. Grandma said that her
first sex, when she wasn't quite 13, was a matter of being seduced by her
pastor. It sounded to me like something Moses David might have done, but there
you are: it isn't only the Catholic Church that has child sex abuse to be
ashamed of. One can just be glad that Grandma was made frigid by the
experience: some girls are, which is why early sex education and parental
involvement in sex experiences are so important. (Some "experts"
claim that exposure to sexual ideas, imagery and acts leads to sexual violence:
http://tinyurl.com/3df8ky but my experience is that the opposite is true.
Parentally-guided sex ed and familiarization leads to an appreciation for the
needs and wants of a potential partner, and "proper introduction" by
family and friends to such potential partners leads to appropriate sex
experience for both. Yet, perversely, that article says: "Recently, a Fort
  Worth man and woman were arrested for molesting their
children. They had sex in front of the children -- a 17-year-old boy, and
15-year-old and 13-year-old girls -- under the guise that they were teaching
the children about sex education." Perverse, because those kids could have
seen penis in vagina anywhere on the Internet, and any day on TV. But to see
their own parents making love becomes a crime! Only in America!)

 
As and far as the "protection of minors" issue -- or, rather, the
protection by the family of itself against interference by meddlesome social
engineers and hypocritical anti-sex campaigners --goes, there was a certain
amount of dissembling going on. I mentioned their place in Mexico.
From what I heard, there were few if any restrictions there on sexual activity
among adolescents or, as I described them, teens with pubic hair. It seems to
me that you can't keep them "down on the farm after they've seen
Paree" and I know from experience (mine and others') that almost
immediately after having had sex the first time, if it's any good at all you
want to repeat the event as soon as possible and as often as possible. The bull
let loose among the heifers, etc. The under-16s in Grandfather and
Grandmother's world had been conditioned to be discreet, secretive and
protective: to lie about their ages or have sex in secret. Or so it seems. I
couldn't find out for certain because by then it was time to shower and get
ready to leave. It seemed to me, though, and despite my inability to interview
many of the youngsters, that the main evils of mainstream society were
successfully banished among the extended family and guests: the notion that
chastity or sexual abstinence has any value at any age over 10 or 11, and the
notion that masturbation can be an adequate alternative to boy-girl sex (as
postmodern "behavioral advisors" and "child psychologists"
occasionally suggest). Which is not to say that I am recommending sex for every
pubescent or even post-pubescent child; and indeed although I had my first sex
at 11-1/2 I have come to believe that 13 is a better starting age for most
girls, but the fact remains we mature physically and mentally at different rates.
And we live in different environments, exposed to different experiences and
temptations and ideas.
 
It all depends on emotional maturity and parental guidance. Plus, coercion or
any sex with an older person where coercion is implicit is evil. Think of Lina
Medina, the 5-year-old Peruvian made pregnant in 1939, about whom I've written.
(She and her son are still alive; and she has a Wikipedia page.) Two 11- or
12-year-olds who can enjoy penis in vagina or at least penis in mouth and who
have the urge to do it, nothing their elders say is likely to put them off
satisfying that urge. If they are eager and capable, their moms should
encourage and protect them from the sidelines, giving advice. The most
important thing is for a girl or a boy not to fear her or his urges, and to
have the opportunity to play them out. And to make the pleasure of orgasm a
means of personal and social comfort. And, I might add, improved academic
productivity and grades once the anxiety that infects abstinence and chastity,
and the insecurity over finding and keeping partners, are done away with.
 
This I couldn't discuss with the guests of honor. Nor could I discuss
circumcision (I had noticed that 100% of the boys and men were circumcised),
another one of "Mom's Friend's Rules" (and I recently had a letter
from a reader who agreed with it). I ran out of time. There was a wait to get
to the showers, even though the house was equipped with a "wet
bathroom" -- a gym-like arrangement of unisex communal showers around a
big square tiled room. (I'm happy to wear semen on my body and in my hair as a
trophy for the duration, to be seen and remarked upon my like-minded people,
but eventually it has to be washed off.) Then there was a longer wait for the
hair dryers and mirrors. I hadn't intended to, but in the end I spent the
night, sharing the bed of my date, which was nice. We fell asleep in the spoon
position, he holding my breast. In the morning we had rather conventional sex,
and then he drove me back to Our Town. I was still wearing my prize lingerie.
 
* * * * *
 
Ultimately one's view of the event, like the philosophy of sex and life behind
it, depends on whether one accepts the concept of penis ejaculating into girl
as being a public celebration of faith and beauty and shared joy, or a purely
private and selfish and secular source of pleasure. Our attitudes towards such
things as modesty and shame depend on our early training and experience and
indoctrination, so it's unsurprising that Children-of-God experience has stayed
with (some would say bedeviled) some former members and even their offspring
who, like me, have no CoG experience. You have only to read private stories at
http://www.exfamily.org and similar sites. (I have never posted anything on the
Exfamily or Movingon forums because I do not identify with them, but others did
so years ago, pretending to be me.) This is no less true of other
sexually-liberal groupings that had their genesis in the free-love 1960s. For
them, marriage is a contract; it is sexual intercourse that is the sacrament.
Monogamy begins at marriage; oral and vaginal sex should begin with capacity,
at puberty. This, of course, is what I have been arguing all along, ever since
I began this series of essays. The fact that children need protection from
perverts does not change that, any more than the existence of alcoholics
justifies Prohibition and the criminalization of the possession and consumption
of fine wine. The correct solution is in the philosophy itself: that sex is a
public event, two same-age adolescents should have pride in their state of
development and their capacity to enjoy penis in vagina. By having sex only in
the presence of family and friends the risk of harm approaches nil and the
benefit is lifelong. And the rite of passage that is first penis in first
vagina is no more and no less a cause of celebration than any other rite of
passage in the life of a young person. And it is nothing to be hidden from
those who would not feign shock over it. Indeed, would that the relationship
between every child and her parent be like that of Terrific Girl and her dad: I
still have in my mind's eye the vision of a 12-year-old Terrific Girl with her
little breasts and her big smile, taking into her mouth the big penis of a
small 13-year-old boy while her father looked on, beaming. I think it was a
good sign that the pre-teens who came to stare (until they were shepherded
away) didn't shrink from the sight of erect penis spewing semen or from gaping
vagina eager for penis. Nor did they try to make light or fun of the minuet
that the dance of time holds in store for them. They were simply curious and
eager to learn. I would hope that the knowledge that a new and strange and
overpowering urge and ecstasy await them would give them satisfaction. Among
them may be another Terrific Girl with beauty of body, mind and style,
eagerness of emotion, and romance in her step. 
 
Love,
Carol
 
P.S.: Somebody has written to inquire whether, or to challenge a supposed
premise that, I "was ever a member of the CoG". Not only was I never
a member, I never lived in any CoG community although I may have been there as
a baby. Anything I say about Moses David or the CoG is second-hand information,
hearsay. Including this:
 
'We have a sexy God and a sexy religion with a very sexy leader with an
extremely sexy young following, So if you don't like sex, you better get out
while you can.'
http://tinyurl.com/k2k88 (a 2001 San Francisco Chronicle article about the CoG)
 
It was Mom and some of her friends who spent time there, and who developed a
perspective of their own on sexuality and child-raising, one that some would
consider outré, even perverse. But they were probably as much influenced by
other women who came not from sects or cults but from the 60s free-sex commune
movement. (Some of these, whether religious or secular, whether overtly
free-sex or coercive could be dangerous. Think of Jim Jones, David Koresh,
Charles Manson.) I do not know where Mom's Friend's theology of semen came
from, nor do I care: it made sense to me and I accepted it; now it is
tradition. And in the alternative I would accept the mystical construct with
the same result: pride in making semen spurt into me from penis; pride in
showing it off and consuming it as spiritual manifestation. 
 
If I refer to Moses David's thought and philosophy, it is by way of comparison
and because so much has been written and said about him. I am no expert: I am
what I am, as they say, and I did study comparative religion and sociology
(including sexual sociology) in college. For what they are worth. Do not take
these essays as exact truth because they are stylized composites taken from
entries in my diaries and edited to (1) make interesting reading and (2) to
make political points about (a) the hypocrisy of current social engineering and
(b) the merits of letting nature take its course with adolescents. Like the
CoG, Mom's Friend's circle was inward-looking and did not easily reveal its
"secrets" beyond its circle of "disciples". Ours was a
secret life: only under special circumstances (examples of which appear in some
of these essays) were our sexual predilections revealed to outsiders. It could
not be otherwise lest we be denounced. But that's another matter. Suffice it to
say that Mom's Friend was first and foremost a feminist eager to impose a
feminist autarky in which sexual expression had a particular role. I can write
about it now because it's in the past: Mom is seriously ill; Mom's Friend, the
trust-fund mom who sponsored her own refuge and commune, closed it down to new
members and most visitors when Older Girl (her daughter) and Terrific Girl (her
step-daughter) grew up. There are alumnae weekends from time to time, but it's
not the same thing.
 
Families such as Grandma's and Grandpa's exist here and there, and I do not
know what their motivation or philosophical origins are. (I have had dozens of
letters attesting to "group" and "family" openness in sex,
and there is plenty of literature on the subject: you can search for it in
Google Scholar, OCLC, JSTOR and many other places.) While I found Grandma and
Grandpa's universe wholesome and charming others may not be so: thus, the
Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a sex-abuse cult,
after all:
http://www.religioustolerance.org/flds.htm
http://www.polygamy.org/ 
where elderly misogynists like leader Warren Jeffs importuned their child
"brides" to "be sweet" and serve up their vaginas to him
for ejaculation and procreation. These essays are historical, but they are my,
our, history and no none else's. They are not intended as titillation but as
examples of a particular genre. And as lessons for anyone who cares to pay
attention. If I have a model it is more Catherine Millet than, say, Miriam
Williams. 
 
So: do not look to these essays for a true-life history of what became of all
or most or many of the girls and women sent flirty fishing to evangelize and to
propagate the faith by the CoG. Mom, and to some extent Mom's Friend, were
different: their flirty fishing had the purpose of lobbying, of obtaining favors
from officialdom -- politicians and bureaucrats. Their concern was protect the
religious curtain that covered the internal workings of the CoG, to try to
prevent the State from attacking the CoG on the basis that it was a cult and a
non-First Amendment-protected entity. That their fear was justified is
suggested by the long-running Church
 of Scientology litigation that was
to follow: 
http://www.factnet.org/Scientology/dianetics_litigation.html Perhaps the
Scientology "Sea Org" did likewise; anyway it certainly has
cultivated celebrities and recruited Wall Street lawyers to be on its side. On
the other hand, it discouraged pregnancy among its "insiders".
 
Mom's work was secret. To this day, Mom will not name names -- not even if it
would help me identify my father, who seemingly was one of her official
contacts. It may be that her refusal to talk is connected with the terms under
which she left the Church. I simply don't know. That Mom and Mom's Friend and
doubtless other girls and women in the movement came to like, justify and
promote the sexual freedom they learned there is another story. From letters I
receive from women, they are not alone. Clearly, though, others left with a
different view, and some others were gravely harmed by their experience. Some boys
were too, Davidito among them. 
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/nyt_cog.htm
That's the reason for Mom's Friend's mantras -- "informed consent",
"no sex before puberty", "parental supervision" and
"same-age partners". But she wanted every girl (especially), and
every boy too, to be so proud and happy about making love, and so proud of her
or his body, that they would want to be seen while making love, bringing a
partner to orgasm and exchanging DNA. And always, semen was to be seen and celebrated as the instrument of Holy Communion.

So: to what degree should anyone attribute our iconoclastic, perhaps fetishist,
conceptions of sexuality to the CoG? Probably not very much. Mom and Mom's
Friend rebelled against their perception of a particular form of child abuse.
(Here are two articles on the arrest of CoG parents in Argentina over the sort
of thing Mom rebelled against:
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/macl-argentina.html 
http://www.angelfire.com/co4/cobil/altarep-argentina.html ) 
In so doing they retained and expanded upon various sexual practices. But this
was scarcely unique to the CoG; it's just that the CoG had a leader, a
hierarchy and a written philosophy. It's only because that philosophy is so
easy to refer to -- it's written down (albeit in fragments) on the support Web
sites maintained by former members -- that I've chosen to use it by way of
comparison. And there is the fact that my Mom was, for a time, a member, even
if for much of the time she was off on her special "lobbying mission".
Or so she has told me.
 
Sorry for any confusion.



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