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Subject: {ASSM} Girl Fag (new) chapter 9  - Rachael Ross
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Date: Wed, 21 Jun 2006 09:10:02 -0400
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Copyright 2004 Rachael Ross all rights reserved.

Please see chapter one for story codes and important background
information. I strongly suggest you do not read this chapter without
first reading the first eight chapters.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Girl Fag
by Rachael

Chapter Nine


Unless you've been really fucked hard in your butt, you probably
don't know what I'm talking about. But if you have, then you know
how I was feeling Thursday morning. I'd taken a shower of course,
right after my morning workout with Coach, like I usually did. I've
always been a clean person anyway, not real crazy clean, but when you
spend your whole life working in a garage you appreciate soap. Know
what I mean? Even so, it felt like my tight little ass was still being
stretched, but it was empty too, and that is a weird feeling. I was
sore, yeah, and I'd even had a little blood, just a tiny bit,
probably because I'd been so tight when Coach had first pushed his
big dick inside me. But I wasn't as sore as I'd been after that
first time with Steve, or again the very first time Coach and me had
done it; I'd been real tender then.

Still, when you walk around after being screwed the way I was, you tend
to walk a little funny. And then you think about how you're walking
funny and you try not to, because maybe people are looking at you. That
just makes it worse, because then you really are walking funny. I
wondered if having sex in my vagina would feel like that, but I
didn't want to try it just to find out. Thank goodness I was still a
virgin, and I still had my little cherry down there when the doctor had
checked me out. I was pretty sure Daddy wanted to find out for certain
if I was having sex or not, now at least he'd think I wasn't. I
knew girls who had lost their virginity riding horses, or so they'd
said. One girl, Beth Holt, had said she'd busted hers on a see-saw
when she was like seven or something. I'm not sure my Daddy would
believe a story like that. I hoped I wouldn't lose it playing
football and if I didn't stop acting weird around Daddy, having Nancy
Ryan put her fingers in my vagina might get to be a regular thing, but
I hoped not.

Anyway, I was walking funny when I walked into my first class and sat
down next to Matt. Sitting wasn't so bad, as long as I shifted my
butt every now and again.

"What happened to you?" Matt asked me. All the kids were talking;
waiting for our teacher to start with the school announcements and then
we'd stand and say the Pledge of Allegiance, and then start our
normal English class.

"What?" I was digging out my notebook.

"You got a limp or something." He started getting his out too.

"Oh, just a little sore." I shrugged and felt a little dumb for
getting caught like that.

"You ready to come over tomorrow night?" Matt leaned a little
closer, scraping his desk and chair on the floor.

"Um." I swallowed hard. "I don't think I can..." I started
and paused, just cause I expected Matt to say something, but he
didn't. So then I felt really awkward. "I have to talk with you
about it, at lunch okay?"

Matt got kind of a dirty look on his face, but he didn't say
anything. Then the teacher, Mrs. Vale, who was Jackie Vale's mom, was
walking to the front of the class, so we had to pretty much be quiet
anyway. I felt bad though, and I wanted to look at Matt, but I was
afraid he'd be looking at me, so I just looked at the teacher and
waited for class to end. I always like English, but it was a real easy
class for me, so I was pretty bored usually.

Second period was about the same. I didn't sit next to Lance, since
Mr. Carter, our chemistry teacher had us sitting in alphabetical order.
He had a bad memory, or maybe his brain was just too full of elements
and stuff to remember a person's name too, either way though we
always sat in the same place. John was next to me though, since his
name was Relton and I was Russet. There'd been a boy named Haley
Robinson between us, but he'd been suspended for smoking on the very
first day of school, so his parents just sent him to the Christian
Fellowship School over in Beaverton instead. Nobody really missed Haley
very much, he'd been a troublemaker since the fourth grade when his
dad had married his babysitter, or something like that. Some people
said she was Haley's cousin - on his dad's side, and everyone
gave him a hard time about it anyway. He did act sorta inbred and we
wondered if his mom had been his cousin too.

So, I told Lance and John both that I had to talk to them at lunch,
about something important. I told John a little more, since he was
sitting next to me anyway. Chemistry was in the lab, which meant we
didn't have desks; we just had long black counters with glass beakers
and Bunsen burners and junk on them. All the cool chemicals were locked
up though; we'd just be taking notes that day. I sat on my stool,
which was a little less comfortable than a desk chair cause it really
made my butt feel like there should have been something in it, and John
leaned a little closer, since he wasn't that far anyway.

"What do you wanna talk about at lunch?" He was asking in a
whisper, since Mr. Carter was sort of a butthead about talking in
class. But most of the teachers were, honestly.

"Shhh..." I held my finger to my lips and gave him a warning look.

"What?" He mouthed, holding his hands out like he was waiting.

"I can't go out with you." I barely breathed the words and at
first I thought he didn't hear me well enough to understand.

But then his eyes got a little bigger. "Why?" He said a second
later, and that was too loud.

"Excuse me." Mr. Carter held up his finger like he had a good idea.
"It's my turn to talk, I think." He looked around and nobody said
anything. "Now, if we seal the tube and apply heat, what will
happen?"

"How come?" John had decided to whisper to me again, too bad for
him, cause the teacher was just looking for someone to say something.

"Yes? Uhhh..." Mr. Carter had to look at his seating chart.
"John? What will happen when we heat the tube?"

"Huh?" He'd still been looking at me and his face got red as he
turned to face the teacher. "It'll uh, get hot?"

It was going to be a long class for John. Not only would he spend an
hour wondering why I couldn't go out with him after I'd said I
would, but Mr. Carter would be calling on him all the time to answer
questions. And John was really bad at chemistry. I liked chemistry a
lot, although just the lab stuff mostly, and I was awfully good at it.
The written tests were a little harder, but they didn't count as much
anyway. Mr. Carter believed in 'practical chemistry' whatever that
meant and said a person could get nothing but C's on the written
tests and still ace the class. I hoped he was right. Anyways, I felt
sorry for John, but all I could do was sit there and take lazy notes
and wait for the class to end.

Third period was study hall, a good class if there ever was one, and I
usually spent it in the library. You could actually walk around the
school during study hall too, so long as you were going to the
bathroom, to the cafeteria, or to the library. I used that little bit
of freedom to play my little joke on Nurse Haven that I mentioned
before, and then spent the rest of the hour in the library, hiding in
the natural history section, just in case she came looking for me.
Somehow I doubted Miss Haven would though, more likely she'd stay
locked in her office the rest of the day.

You'd think that if a 14 year old girl in the eighth grade of a rural
middle school was going to break the law, it wouldn't be extortion.
Shoplifting? Sure, it happens all the time I bet. Underage drinking?
Hey, I'm guilty of that and so are all my friends. But
blackmail...And actually, that thought hadn't really occurred to me,
at least not consciously. I didn't contemplate what I'd ask for, or
make the woman do, I swear. Instead I thought of it as more of a prank,
a way to get even for being kicked out of the boys locker room and
stuck with a babysitter, cause that's what she was and everybody on
the team knew it. I had no doubt somebody would start razzing me about
it soon, probably Brian Hades. He was always the first and loudest at
making dumb jokes about other people, probably cause most kids
wouldn't say anything back.

During lunch I finally had to face my three friends. I wondered if
Steve had talked to Kyle yet. I'd wanted to call him the night
before, but all my brothers had stuck close to me. Which was kind of
nice, but kind of awkward too. Steve had come home late, but he always
does. The rest of them, well Mark and David were mad at Greg and Henry,
all four of them were mad at Scott, and Scott was mad at them too.
Daddy was mad with Greg and Henry as well, and he'd given them a
talking to, so of course they wanted to talk to me to compare stories,
but they couldn't because Mark or David or Scott would always walk in
on us, or call me away, or something. We couldn't even talk in our
beds because Daddy had me sleeping in his room while he slept on the
couch, which he liked doing sometimes anyway when there was a good
movie on late at night. Last night they were showing The Good, The Bad,
and the Ugly on TNT so of course Daddy was on the couch. And I was too
tired to talk to my brothers anyway by that time.

"Why can't you come over tomorrow night?" Matt got the first
question in and John wasn't far behind.

"How come we can't go out?" He was asking. "You said..."

"What about me?" Lance didn't want to get left out. "Are we
still gonna do something together?"

We were about as alone as we could get in the cafeteria during lunch,
which wasn't alone enough to suit me. Not with about a hundred kids
around. At least we had our own table and we could hunch our heads
together in the middle, but we always kept looking around. Lots of guys
like to come over and talk to one of us for one reason or another, just
to say hi, or see what's going on, you know.

"Look, I went out with Kyle, okay?" I had no idea how to say what I
was going to say, so I just said it. "And I liked it."

"So...?" Matt started, but I cut him off.

"So, I'm gonna keep going out with him. If he wants to..." I
allowed. "...and I don't think going out with you guys would be a
good idea. Seriously, I think we'd just end up fighting and stuff and
I don't want that."

"So you're going to be Kyle's...girlfriend?" Lance said it like
he was spitting the word out.

"That's lame." John was staring at me. "You promised."

"I'm gonna call Kyle up." Matt was saying and he looked pretty
mad.

"I know I promised. I'm sorry, okay? If you guys want to be mad at
me, alright, be mad at me then, but don't blame Kyle. He doesn't
even know about this, I swear." I was whispering, pleading with them
to listen to what I was saying. "I can't go out with all of you, I
just can't. I thought about it all day yesterday and it hurt me,
okay? It hurts when I think about you guys fighting and getting mad and
all that stuff."

"I thought we were all gonna be like your boyfriends or something."
John was biting his thumbnail, which he did sometimes when something
bothered him. Kyle had said it was because John had probably sucked his
thumb when he was a baby, but that had just gotten Kyle a black eye at
summer camp.

"I can't be everybody's girlfriend." I sighed. "I'm not
even a girl!" But this wasn't even close to the right time to be
talking about that issue.

"I'm gonna kill Kyle." Matt was muttering, having decided that
Kyle had done something to change my mind.

"You always say one thing, but then you go and do something else."
John's voice was trembling from trying to keep it quiet.

"I know what I said..." I frowned.

"But you said all that other stuff too, about us being friends and
promising and all that and we did!" Lance was saying, and he had a
point. I could understand what he was saying and it reflected all of
their thoughts. "You're the one who keeps getting mad all the time,
Ann. We never did! Just you and now you're gonna say you went out
with Kyle once and so you like him better than us? It ain't fair."

"I don't like him better than you!" I felt like I was gonna cry
pretty soon.

"It sounds like it." John said and Matt was nodding his head.

"I like all of you the same, I just don't want to go on a date with
you guys anymore." I was getting louder, feeling frustrated because I
was thinking maybe they were right and I was wrong...again.

"I don't wanna date you anyway." Matt looked at me and he might
have been ready to cry too. He started getting up.

"Matt..." I reached for his hand but he jerked it away.

"Yeah, me too, man. You and Kyle have fun, huh?" Lance stood up
too, grabbing his lunch and leaving with Matt.

"John, please, just try and understand I don't want to hurt you
guys..." I was staring at John's face, but his eyes were turned
down.

"I'm gonna go." He said quietly and then I was pretty much as
alone as I'd ever been in my life.

It felt like every kid in that lunchroom was staring at me, like
they'd heard every word and they weren't taking my side. I felt my
gut aching, like I was all hollow suddenly. But I wasn't empty, I was
full of hurt and it was trying to come up through my eyes, but I
wasn't gonna cry. I thought about being strong and all the things
people had said to me. I had to take care of myself and stop worrying
all the time about everyone else. But Lance had been right too, I was
the only one getting mad all the time. Until today, anyway, now they
were all mad at me and not for any reason I was worried about, but
because I'd changed the rules on them. Again, for like the tenth time
in two weeks. They were getting tired of it and how could I blame them?

But still, a little voice in my head was saying, they were being pretty
selfish too. What did I owe them anyway? They had my friendship, just
like always. I wouldn't kiss them suddenly and life wasn't fair? I
wouldn't go out on a date with them and fuck them? That voice was
getting louder and it was mad too. I didn't change the rules, I was
just trying to figure them out, same as everybody else, that's all.
If those guys were gonna be mad, I didn't care. We'd been mad at
each other before, hundreds of times, and we always made up. We'd
make up this time too and not because I'd change my mind, I decided,
but because we weren't totally dumb. Only an idiot throws away a best
friend and none of us were idiots, were we?

I really hoped not, but I wasn't so sure.

"You breakup with your boyfriends?" Brian Hades caught up with me
as I was leaving the cafeteria. "Little lover's quarrel?"

He was laughing so I punched him in the nose. A good shot too, a real
one like he'd never expected from a girl, although if he'd
remembered the first day of football practice he would have. It knocked
him flat on his butt, right in the middle of the lunchroom, and blood
gushed from his nose. I hoped I'd broken it. It was probably the
first time in his life that anyone had knocked the big bully down.
He'd always been so much bigger than everyone else, but not anymore.
He looked pretty small sitting on the cold linoleum holding his wounded
nose and he didn't try to get up either, he just sat there.

That was going to be big news, I was sure, and a lot of trouble most
likely. I'd had my share of fights, like any boy does, maybe even a
few more than most, despite the fact I was physically a girl. But that
was my first fight of the new school year so...I shrugged, it had to
happen sometime. I was on my way to my next class, pretty sure I'd be
pulled out of it so I could see the principal. Wouldn't be the first
time for that either, just the first time that year. It would be worth
it too, I decided, knocking that guy on his ass. Not only because he
deserved it for a lot of different reasons, but it would give me back
whatever respect I'd lost after my little scene with my three
friends. I wasn't the most popular kid in school, not by a long ways,
but everybody needs respect and right then I needed it more than most.

Sure enough, 20 minutes into class I got called to the office. Brian
was in the Nurse's office, Principal Snyder told me. His nose
wasn't broken, but it was still bleeding a lot, or so he said.

Mr. Snyder was tall and skinny, with thin black hair and an Adam's
apple that was huge, and it bounced up and down when he talked so it
was hard not to stare at it and forget what he was talking about
sometimes. He asked me the usual questions, with why being the big one,
of course. I'd been planning for that.

"He uh..." I licked my lips and looked around before leaning a
little closer to the principal's big desk. "...he touched me." I
said quietly. "On my butt."

"What?" That surprised him, probably because like most people,
Principal Snyder sometimes forgot I was a girl. Especially after I'd
knocked some bigger boy on his butt.

"He touched me." I repeated, a little louder. If I could have
started crying I would have, but I wasn't that good an actress, so I
just looked sad.

"Well, uh...I see." He shuffled some papers. "He's on your
football team, right?"

I had a sinking feeling then, like maybe I'd outwitted myself. Coach
had made it sound like the principal was just looking for a reason to
kick me off the team. Maybe I'd just given him one, I wasn't sure.

"Yeah." I nodded. "But he never does anything there."

"Really?" Mr. Snyder considered this. "Why not? I mean, uh...Why
would he...touch you...in the cafeteria and not while you were playing
football? It seems like..."

"Cause Coach would get mad." Inspiration struck me. "Everybody
knows if someone says something or does something like that Coach is
gonna call his dad and kick him off the team." I spoke like it was
the gospel truth, and even though Coach hadn't exactly said that, I
was pretty sure everyone understood that it was true.

"But I thought...in the boys locker room, I mean..." Mr. Snyder had
been thinking all the boys had been doing all sorts of stuff with me in
the locker room, I could see it on his face.

"The locker room?" I shrugged like it didn't matter. "Coach
didn't let me change right away, I always had to wait in his office
til everybody else was done."

That wasn't really true since I'd pretty much got bare buck naked
before practice, and the only reason I was in Coach's office after
practice was that he was teaching me man sex. But I was pretty sure
Coach hadn't mentioned any of that when he'd talked to the
principal, so I wasn't going to either.

"I see, uh...Okay, Ann..." He wasn't sure what to do now. Brian
wasn't there to defend himself, being too busy bleeding, and if what
I said was true then it was all Brian's fault anyway and he should
probably be suspended for grabbing a girl's butt in the cafeteria.
Heck, Mr. Snyder might have been wondering if I was gonna get a lawyer
and sue the school district. I heard they did weird stuff like that in
Seattle, for a lot less than getting groped!

"Am I going to be suspended?" I asked him.

"Um, no, I don't think we need to do that. But this is a warning,
understand? Your first and only one. We can't have students fighting.
The next time it happens you'll be suspended for three days." He
tried to look tough or something, but Coach was right, Principal Snyder
was a pencil necked geek who'd never played football in his life.

"Yes sir." I nodded.

"Okay, go on back to class. The next time you see Brian I want you to
apologize to each other. You're classmates and, well, teammates too I
guess, so I expect you to behave like it."

I wondered if I was going to be in a lot of trouble when Principal
Snyder talked to Brian and he denied everything. I thought the
principal probably wouldn't believe him. I mean Brian was a boy and I
was a girl, in boy's clothing sure, but still a girl. The principal
couldn't afford not to believe me over him, because if Brian ever
really did grab a girl's butt, another girl's, and she
complained...Everyone would want to know what had happened with me, and
why Mr. Snyder hadn't believed me, and what kind of school was he
running anyway, letting someone like Brian Hades run around without
supervision. Yep, Brian was guilty for life now and that little voice
in my head was gloating. It wasn't so bad being a girl sometimes, was
it? She asked, and that was when I realized that little voice was
female and that was strange.

By the time I was getting back to class it was almost over, so I pretty
much just grabbed my stuff and headed over to the high school for shop.
Thank goodness for that too, I needed the break! I was going to be
working on the shop project with Mark, which was cool. The shop
teacher, Mr. Wetland liked to rotate us on projects and partners, so we
were always working with different machines and different people, but
always the same too...Like I always did the project with Mark on
Thursdays, and I always did Mondays with The Boz, fixing his
girlfriend's car or maybe his truck, usually.

We were turning that old 56 pickup truck into a low rider. Really
chopped too, which was gonna be super cool since we'd never really
done that before, me and my two brothers I mean. Scott and Steve had
turned a Lincoln Sports Coupe into a low rider once though, for some
drummer down in Los Angeles, and it had been so killer that Carlos
Santana had used it in a couple music videos. It was always cool seeing
a car that your brothers had built on television.

Anyway, Mr. Wetland hadn't been too sure about the idea, to be
perfectly honest. The class had had a big meeting at the very beginning
of the course to plan what we wanted to do. Most of the guys didn't
really know, or their ideas were pretty simple. But me and Mark and
David had pushed for something real low, with hydraulics and
everything; something that would scare the hell out of people.
Especially the people around Squinosha, who thought only Mexican
gangsters drove around in low riders. With the three of us in the shop
though, well it was kind of hard for Mr. Wetland to say no, especially
when Low Rider magazine was gonna cover the build. Scott, who was good
at the public relations stuff, had called somebody, although he
wouldn't admit it.

"We gotta fix all this, fuck!" Mark was measuring the cuts and
welds that some of the other guys had made the day before. David was
working with The Boz and he looked over at us from across the shop, but
that was all. He worked on the truck on Tuesdays and that was when he
was usually swearing up a storm.

"How bad?" I asked, meaning did they cut too much? or not enough.
The truck wasn't any more than a framework as it sat there.
Everything was taken off of it and we were going to fabricate a new
body anyway, since the old panels and stuff would never fit again, not
after we were done with it.

"Bad enough." Mark admitted, slashing the metal with a grease
pencil. "We gotta break some welds." The other guys were gonna hear
about it later, Mark could pretty much be an asshole when he wanted to
be. "We gotta watch these guys closer, Wethead doesn't have a
clue." That was what he called Mr. Wetland when he was mad.

I tended to go easier on the other guys. Some of them didn't know
much more than how to change a tire, or the oil maybe, but some of them
were pretty handy too. And they were learning, which was why we were
there, right? Well, maybe not me or my brothers, we'd been doing this
stuff since we'd learned to walk, literally. I had pictures of me two
years old, fetching wrenches for my Daddy in my diapers.

Just a couple years before when I was 11 going on 12 I'd done most of
the engine work on an old Silver Edition Corvette that we restored to
original perfection. All the paint had been mine too; my first time
flying solo with a paint gun. Greg, who was pretty good with a gun
himself, had done the mixing and Daddy had been watching over my
shoulder. So yeah, I'd had a lot of supervision naturally, but that
car had been as much mine as anyone's and it had been me standing in
front of it, arms crossed and looking like a punk badass, when 'Vette
Magazine had taken their pictures.

Daddy had named that car 'Pure Ice' because of the color, a blue so
light you thought you were just imagining it, covered with a pearl
satin finish that made it shimmer. It wasn't factory, but it was
perfect and even the notoriously strict Corvette traditionalists
didn't seem to mind. But when the magazine published it's article
they'd put the word 'Prodigy' in big letters and that was the
name that stuck. A lot of the writing was about me though, and I'd
felt sort of bad about that, but Daddy was proud and so were my
brothers. Anyways, that car was sort of famous after that. From San
Francisco to Seattle to Denver, and even in places like Vancouver, up
in Canada, it was always a big draw at the conventions. The owner, who
was president of the Pacific Northwest Corvette Club, was always
inviting me to come along.

"We got nothin' but time." I grinned at started getting my
cutting torch together; I was gonna be breathing fire for the next 45
minutes.

"Here, take a break." Mark was tapping my shoulder and I killed the
torch. He had a soda for me and it was good and cold.

"Thanks." I pulled my goggles down around my neck and took a long
drink. "I'm gonna go ahead and cut those engine mounts too, long as
I'm here."

"Okay." Mark nodded. "We gotta get the new ones in tomorrow
though, all the braces too." We didn't really have to, but if we
let it go somebody else would try and do it and that would just mean
more work.

I sat there drinking my Coke while Mark tried to explain to Mr. Wetland
why I was gonna work on the project two days in a row. "...cause
we're getting that 505 big block and it's gotta sit as far up front
as we can get it."

"And why's that?" Mr. Wetland asked, as if he'd never looked at
the schematics or something. I just shook my head.

"Because we're putting two big ass blowers back here, remember?"
Mark was trying to be patient, drawing the layout with his hands.
"The trucks gotta be clean, we're gonna have like 14 inches of
window and we try and stick a manifold through the hood it's gonna
look like some candy ass funny car."

"I thought we wanted a scoop though and..." Mr. Wetland might have
wanted a lot of things, I laughed to myself.

"No. We're putting the rams down low, on the sides, remember? This
thing's gonna look like it's coming to eat your sister." Mark
tended to get excited.

"What?" Mr. Wetland stared at my brother and I decided this was a
good time to flame on.

"You gotta watch your mouth, dude." I was laughing at Mark as we
pushed our brooms around the floor. It was just about the end of class
and Mark had spent most of it talking with the teacher. He was lucky
though, being 18 already and a senior, Mark could get away with stuff
that I'd never dream of.

"He's an ass." Mark shrugged, dismissing the whole thing. "Hey,
I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go with us tomorrow night."

"Go where?" I asked.

"Me and David are taking the girls camping out by Fouchet Springs."
He smiled. "It's gonna be fun, we'll come back Saturday night."

"The girls? You mean Sherry and Jane, right?" I began wondering who
was really asking me, Mark or Jane.

"Yeah." Mark nodded. "It's supposed to stay warm for a couple
days and even if it gets cold, the springs are gonna be hot."

"I can't." I made a little face. "We have a scrimmage on
Saturday at one o'clock."

"So what?" Mark laughed. "It's just a scrimmage, come on, go
camping with us."

"Nah." I went back to sweeping. "Coach would get super pissed,
probably bench me or something."

"How about we come back Saturday morning then?" Mark persisted.
"You won't miss a thing, I promise."

It did sound kind of fun going camping, especially up to the springs
which were all hot mineral water fed by some deep down volcano or
something. But I knew part of the reason Mark was asking me was cause
Jane wanted to see me, and maybe Sherry too, for all I knew. And I
didn't quite understand just what was going on between those two
girls and my brothers, but it seemed pretty weird. Part of me was
saying no, don't go. But another part of me was remembering Jane and
I did sorta want to see her again, but I sorta didn't too. It was
just more confusion that I didn't need and leave it to me to try and
find a way to make it worse.

"Can Kyle come?" I asked, without really thinking about it as much
as I should have.

"Kyle?" Mark looked at me and thought about it for 10 seconds at
least, which was plenty long enough to tell me something was definitely
up.

"He's sort of my boyfriend now." I prompted.

"Yeah, I know. Um..." Mark glanced at David who was tossing scrap
metal in a bin, not paying us too much attention. "Sure, yeah. Kyle
can come along, that'll be cool."

"Okay." I nodded and that was settled, mostly. I still had to ask
Kyle, of course.

And I'd have to tell Coach I was gonna miss football practice on
Friday, since we'd be leaving right after school go out. He wasn't
gonna be thrilled with that, but I figured it was better than missing
the scrimmage and besides, I had the plays down cold and Coach knew it.
The other backs really needed some time in the huddle.

I rode back to school for my last class feeling sort of down, I guess.
But not too bad. My three best friends were mad at me, but Kyle
definitely wasn't and I was reasonably sure that things would work
out somehow, eventually. It just wouldn't be that much fun for
awhile, so maybe hanging out with Mark and David would be cool. And
Jane? That little voice asked me and I started to wonder if I wasn't
going a little crazy, or possessed or something. It wasn't a real
voice though, so don't worry about that. It was just my little brain
trying to deal with the fact that I was growing up and changing and
fighting to become the person I was meant to be. I reckon everybody
goes through that, I was just having a harder time than some.

I'll tell you I was a little nervous going into the girl's locker
room after school. I'd been having doubts about what I'd done, and
most especially why I'd done it, for the better part of an hour. What
was Miss Haven gonna say? Would she even be there? And what was I going
to say to her? When you're fourteen there's a lot of things that
seem like good ideas when you do them, but later they seem really dumb.
I really hoped that was one of the things people grew out of when they
got older.

Miss Haven was already inside the locker room when I got there and I
figured I'd wait until she said something before I did. She was
wearing orange shorts and a tight black t-shirt that really set her
golden hair off. It had a picture of a mountain lion or something on
the back and the front said 'Wildcats' across her breasts. I felt a
lot nervous then, just standing there looking at the woman as she
turned around to look at me.

"I uh...I got your note." Miss Haven looked nervous too. "And the
other thing." Meaning my jock strap that she'd left her lipstick on
the day before.

"Okay." I said, like the 14 year old idiot I was. I felt foolish
just standing there so I moved to my locker, thinking it might be best
if I was busy doing something. I started digging into my backpack,
finding my new jock strap, which was really an old one since it had
been Scott's once.

"Look, I...I'm sorry, okay?" Miss Haven really did look sorry too
and I stopped getting my stuff out and faced her. "I know you um,
like me, Ann. I like you too and uh, more than I should. It's my
fault, all of it and you have to know I didn't mean to hurt you or
anything."

Huh? I just stared at Miss Haven. Like her? Me? I didn't like her,
she was part of the reason I was so mad, didn't she know that? And
hurt me? She hadn't hurt me; she'd just embarrassed me more than
anything. What was she talking about?

My note had simply said: "Dear Coach Haven, I thought maybe you'd
like to keep this since it has your lipstick on it. Love, Ann."

But that had been a joke; a way to make her feel humiliated and maybe
even quit her new job as my babysitter. I didn't really love her or
anything silly like that. But after the way I'd acted yesterday, the
things I'd said and all that, why wouldn't she believe my note?
I'd never seduced anyone before, I wouldn't even have known how to
start, but in reality I'd been doing just that to Miss Haven. It
might have been an accident and it might have been purely unconscious,
but it had been happening and if I wasn't careful it was gonna go all
the way.

All those thoughts went through my head at light speed, which meant I
was barely aware of them at all, and had little understanding of what
any of it really meant. I just knew I'd screwed up and I was getting
myself in trouble.

Miss Haven took a step closer, maybe taking my silence for some kind of
invitation, I don't know. I stood still as a statue, watching her
hand as she reached out and touched my left cheek with her fingertips.
It was a soft, tender caress and it made my heart catch in my throat so
I couldn't breathe.

"You're a special girl, Ann." Miss Haven seemed to find some
inner strength, she wasn't so nervous now. I was the one shrinking,
our natural roles of teacher and student, adult and child, reasserting
themselves. She was in control and whatever power I'd had was just an
illusion.

She was closer now, closer than ever before and it was so quiet I was
frightened of it, and wished for some loud noise just to fill the
emptiness around us. She was going to kiss me, I realized suddenly and
my legs felt weak, my body flushing. I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted
it more than anything else in the whole world right then and I tried to
brace myself for it, my body tensing and leaning towards her as if
pulled by some invisible gravity I couldn't resist.

"We can't do this..." Miss Haven was whispering and her face was
so close to mine I could feel her warm breath moving across my lips. I
could smell her skin and I moved my hands slowly, feeling very shy and
at the same time almost desperate. I touched her hips, her waist, and
slid my hands around Miss Haven carefully, like I might break
something, or change her mind somehow.

"...I shouldn't...it's wrong..." Her words were barely audible
and Miss Haven's left hand was touching my back, her arm enfolding me
as I pulled myself against her. I felt her breasts, firm and trapped
under her t-shirt, straining against her bra, pressing against me. They
were above mine, near my exposed neck as my face was tilted upward.
Miss Haven's hand was still on my cheek, stroking me as her bright
blue eyes stared into mine.

And that first kiss was electric. A small brief touch of our lips and
nothing more, but it seemed the best kiss of my life. I burned from it
and a second later the breath I'd been holding exploded out of me
with a gasp. Miss Haven pulled my head to her body, my face pressing
between her breasts as she cradled me there. Our bodies moved slowly,
in some silent dance that had slipped unbidden in silent agreement with
our desires. I found myself with my legs spread, pressing my sex
against the woman's bare thigh. I was still dressed, with the soft
worn denim of my old jeans between us, but I was barely aware of it.

I was grinding myself against her, with Miss Haven's hand on my ass,
pulling me and urging me to ride her flesh. She'd bent her leg
slightly at the knee, and pressed upward with her leg in a gentle
rhythm that I matched. My lungs burned and my heart was pounding, I
hugged her tightly and moved my head, pressing my cheeks against her
breasts, kissing them through the cotton that separated us. Miss Haven
was kissing my head and neck, sliding her hand up and down my spine,
pulling up the loose fabric of my shirt so she could feel the bare skin
of my back.

"...this is so wrong..." Miss Haven was whispering, "...so wrong
to love you..." Her breathing was ragged and we were moving faster
and harder. My clit was a point of fire between my legs and I could
feel the wetness running from my sex. I was pushing myself against her
thigh, rocking my hips and gasping with every breath I took.

"...kiss me..." She had her fingers in my hair now and her other
hand cupped my ass, straining to pull me even harder. "...kiss
me....please..."

I found her mouth with mine, with Miss Haven's hand guiding me,
turning my head so that our mouths joined completely open and sealed
tightly together. Her tongue was wild in my mouth, moving frantically
to explore every part of me. I wriggled my own as well, licking and
tickling and playing with short sharp jabs of my soft wet tongue. I
could feel the waves coming, the unmistakable sensation of my orgasm
building and I moaned into Miss Haven's lungs, my body shuddering as
I held her as tightly as I could.

Miss Haven was cumming with me, I understood vaguely. Her body jerked
and trembled even as my own sense of self-control dissolved in an ocean
of pleasure. I couldn't concentrate any longer on what I was doing,
if my tongue moved it was of its own free will. My hips too, the urgent
grinding of my cum soaked sex and screaming clitoris was something I
couldn't control, even if I'd wanted to. I felt as if we might
collapse any moment, Miss Haven seeming to grow heavier in my arms, her
own legs weakening with the overwhelming rush of her climax. For
countless long minutes we were consumed, by ourselves and each other,
until finally we had no choice but to let go, slowly and reluctantly,
until we stood there holding hands and nothing more.

Miss Haven lifted my hands to her lips, pressing them together and
kissing them as she looked into my eyes. We were both breathless and
flushed, our bodies wet with sweat and more. She was thanking me
wordlessly and I was doing the same, smiling at her gratefully.

BANG...BANG...BANG...

There was a heavy knock at the doors and Coach's gruff voice sounded
muffled and angry. "Russet? You in there? You got 2 minutes to get
your butt on that field, mister!"

BANG...BANG...BANG...

He was knocking again before he went back outside and I glanced at the
clock above the doors. I was 15 minutes late, which meant Miss Haven
and I had been in there for at least 20 minutes. It had seemed like 20
seconds at the time.

"I gotta get ready." I breathed and Miss Haven nodded, her face
filling once again with a little bit of that nervousness I'd seen in
her before. I wondered why I wasn't feeling nervous, maybe because I
knew Coach was a lot cooler than Miss Haven would ever realize.

I didn't particularly feel like football practice right then, but
what choice did I have. Miss Haven seemed to wonder what to do with
herself as I started getting undressed.

"I uh, I better go change..." She was looking down and I could see
that her orange shorts were damp in the crotch and even down her thighs
a little where some of her wetness had leaked out. She must have gotten
seriously wet when she came, I thought with a little thrill of heat.

I was pulling off my pants and they were damp, but it was my boxers
that were really bad. The soft cotton had really soaked up my juices
like a sponge and I more or less peeled them off my puffy sex. Miss
Haven watched, staring at me and I didn't mind for some reason,
although I'd felt embarrassed by my pussy before with Sandy. I'd
always tried to cover it up, which hadn't been too hard because
mostly I'd been wearing my strapon anyway. But now I was bare to Miss
Haven's gaze and even more I was exposing myself, turning so she
could see me fully and pushing out my pelvis just a little. I didn't
know why, but I liked having her look at me; I wanted her to see me
like that.

I did the same thing with my shirt, not bothering with the buttons, but
just pulling it over my head so she could see my small breasts, puffy
with excitement. My nipples were a ruddy pink, hard and sticking out a
quarter of inch. I stood there, not moving and watching as Miss
Haven's eyes traveled across my body. Her face was animated, I
thought, her emotions unmasked completely. She wanted me, almost
desperately and yet there was guilt, plain as day, bringing a small
frown to her lips and then she'd close her eyes slowly, keeping them
shut for a second or two before yielding to desire once more. This was
a revelation for me, a new understanding of something important,
something I didn't even have the words to express. But I understood
it intuitively perhaps; this was the power of sex. The power to make a
person do something they couldn't, or shouldn't, or
wouldn't...and for Miss Haven that was the best part.

She could have kept me in that locker room all night, if she'd wanted
to. Because giving myself to someone was the best part for me. It would
be awhile before I understood that, and when I was 14 I was only dimly
aware of the possibility, but take it from me now, that's always been
the key to who I am inside. It was that desire that had pushed Miss
Haven to take control, manipulating both of us somehow towards an
inevitable result. And if I'd only understood that as we stood there,
Miss Haven and me, I would have avoided a lot of the doubts and fears
I'd been suffering.

So it was up to Miss Haven to decide whether to stay or go, because I
was helpless and innocent and so utterly willing right then.

"I...I gotta go..." Miss Haven was leaving, her guilt finally
winning over her desire for the time being. I just nodded and watched
as she hurried out, probably back to her office, I thought, or maybe to
her car. I didn't know, although I figured her clothes and purse and
stuff was probably in one of the lockers. She just couldn't stay in
the locker room with me, because then we would do something and she
needed to wait until she wanted me bad enough.

I was a lot more than two minutes getting up to the field, and Coach
shot me a dirty look, and had me running wind sprints for 10 minutes
before he'd let me huddle up with the guys. I was sure Lance and Matt
were enjoying that, they'd given me some dirty looks too, but mostly
they just ignored me. It was going to be a lonely bike ride home. Miss
Haven never did show up for practice either, I guessed she just went
home. We'd done something special, I knew that, but it seemed
unfinished too. Like we'd just started and I had a lot of questions
in my head about what it all meant, being young and inexperienced like
I was. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was queer, in one way
or the other. It didn't seem to matter who I was with, a boy or girl,
I was a fag.

Anyway, I was in a lot of trouble at football practice, and not just
cause I was so late. Brian Hades, our quarterback, couldn't breathe
through his nose. That might not seem like a big deal, but we all had
to wear big plastic teeth guards in our mouths and that generally made
breathing through our mouths sorta hard too. Coach was none too happy
about having to give Brian a rest after every two or three plays just
so he could catch his breath.

"Goddamit Russet! Why didn't ya just kick him in the balls or
something?" Coach was yelling at me during the mid-practice break,
when we all took 5 minutes to use the bathroom and drink some water and
stuff.

"Sorry Coach." I was looking down.

"He's gonna be suckin wind for a week! Be lucky to have him for the
first game..." Coach frowned and walked around. "Anybody here feel
like grabbin' Russet's ass?"

I might have laughed at that if it hadn't shocked me.

"Come on..." Coach looked over all the guys. "...which one of you
wants to feel that lil' round butt in your hands? Turn around Russet,
show em what they're missin' out on."

I wondered if Coach was serious, but I guess he wasn't cause he kept
on talking a second later. "I want to get all the ass kickin's out
of the way now. Before our season starts...Any takers? Nobody wants a
free ass kickin'?"

Nobody was saying anything and I didn't know if I should have felt
embarrassed or proud. I felt a little ashamed, if anything, since Brian
hadn't really grabbed my ass at all. Apparently I'd been right
though: once accused, a boy is always guilty. And Brian wasn't
denying it either, which I guess I sort of understood because that just
would have made it worse for him, at least so far as Coach was
concerned.

"Take a good look at this numbnuts here..." He grabbed Brian Hades
and sort of spun him around by his pads so everybody could see his
nose, which was big and swollen, and the beginning of a couple nice
black eyes. "...This is what happens when you play grab ass with a
football player!" Coach paced a few feet. "Sit down, Hades, before
you start bleedin' again."

"Yeth thir, Goach." Brian said, his voice all nasal

I thought we were done at that point, but we weren't.

"And one other thing. Yesterday I heard a lot of comments about my
new assistant." Coach looked around. "Uh...Coach Haven..." He was
obviously wondering where she was. "...I don't want to hear any
more of that! She a woman, that's true, and she might not know the
difference between a punt and a pass, but she's your coach. You're
gonna respect her and stop playin' sock monkey every goddamn time she
bends over to tie her goddamn shoes. You understand me?"

All of us nodded and said we did and Coach nodded too, deciding he'd
given us enough motivation for one day. I still had to tell him I
needed to skip Friday's practice though, and when I did he hadn't
been thrilled, but he hadn't said no either.

"Where's that Coach Haven at?" Coach tugged my sleeve before I
could get back to the field.

"I dunno, Coach." I told him truthfully. "She was down in the
locker room earlier, and then she said she had to go."

"Had to go, huh?" He gave me a funny look but didn't push it at
all and I was grateful. Coach probably didn't need to know everything
about Miss Haven any more than she needed to know everything about him.

Home that evening I had a lot of stuff on my mind. Miss Haven, of
course, but she was a mystery that would unravel in her own time. I
didn't suffer the same sort of anxiety that I had after being with
Sandy or my strange experiences with Jane. Maybe I was getting used to
the idea that I was attracted to girls, or at least certain girls. I
mean one time could be an accident, right? And twice just a
coincidence, but three times? Even as slow as I was I could see a
pattern there. Not to mention Julie Perry, the girl I'd met in
Beaverton who thought I was really a boy. Maybe...I didn't know for
sure what she thought I was, but I wanted to find out. She'd been on
and off my mind all day. A lot more than I wanted to admit. Julie was
taking on some weird aura in my mind, like maybe we'd been destined
to meet, you know? It was just the sort of romantic daydreaming crap
that I'd heard so many other girls talking about in the bathroom at
school. I'd always shaken my head and laughed and thought about how
stupid they sounded talking like that.

But now, I wasn't so sure anymore about anything. I wanted to call
her, this Julie Perry, and talk to her. I'd taken her phone number
out and looked at it a dozen times that day, I'd bet, just wondering
what we'd say. Did boys act like that? Which part of me was this, I
wondered, having somehow recently decided that a part of me was male
and another part female. A couple weeks before I'd taken that for
granted, assuming my personality, my thoughts and feelings, were those
of a boy, and I was just stuck with a girl's body. But over the last
few days I'd realized that there were other parts of me, other
emotions and desires that were female, and perhaps they'd been there
all the time but I hadn't noticed. But I noticed them now and instead
of confusing me all the more, it actually made me feel better about
myself. I was a guy, I knew that, but I was a girl too, and that was
okay.

Sort of. I still hadn't figured out why I wanted to be a boy with
Kyle and Coach and Sandy too, but somehow on that one day, it had been
okay to be a girl with Miss Haven. Of course I hadn't really pushed
it very far, just letting her see me, all of me, but I wouldn't have
refused her I don't think, if she'd wanted to touch me...down
there...on my pussy...even...inside it...maybe.

I licked my lips, realizing I'd been daydreaming, squeezing my thighs
together while I just let my thoughts run. I sure was horny a lot, I
laughed at myself softly and got out of bed. I was going to call Kyle
and ask him if he wanted to go camping with me. Mark and David were in
the garage with Daddy, Henry was doing homework on the computer, Steve
was at school, Scott was in his room and Greg...he was in the kitchen
doing his homework. I really hoped Daddy was serious about letting me
have my own phone.

I dialed the number quickly while Greg was asking me about my fight
with Brian. It was the first time anyone had mentioned it and I was a
little surprised, but I shouldn't have been. Word gets around quick
in a small town and while Ann Russet giving some boy a bloody nose
wasn't huge news, Brian Hades getting one was.

"Hello?" A strange voice answered the phone, not Kyle's at all.
It was a girl's voice and a much younger girl than Kyle's mom.

"Hello?" The voice repeated and I suddenly realized I'd dialed
Julie Perry's number by mistake. I thought I was going to throw up
and I probably turned white as a sheet because Greg stared at me,
sitting up straight and asked me what was wrong.

"Uh, hi." I finally managed to croak. "Is this, um, Julie?"

"Yeah. Who's this?" She asked reasonably and that was the one
question I really didn't want to hear.

"Ah, well this is the uh, guy you met the other night at the arcade,
remember?" Guy? I rolled my eyes and kicked myself mentally. Greg was
really staring at me now and I wished I was alone.

"Oh, yeah. Hi!" She sounded a lot warmer suddenly. "I didn't
get your name though. I asked Denise, but she didn't know it
either."

"Oh, really?" I forced a little chuckle that probably sounded
really stupid.

"Yeah." Julie replied and then it was quiet while she obviously
waited for me to tell her what my name was. Finally she just asked,
"So, um, what's your name anyway?"

"It's uh..." I won't lie and say I wasn't thinking about
giving her a fake name. I even thought of saying I was Greg, and then
somehow conning Greg to cover for me, like if she ever called me asking
for Greg, he'd know it was really for me and...But that wouldn't
work for very long. Besides, Julie's friend Denise probably knew
Greg. All the girls in school knew my brothers.

I was gonna have to bite the bullet. Well, I said to myself silently,
it was nice knowing you, Julie.

"It's uh...Ann." I cleared my throat a little. "Ann Russet."

"Ann?" Julie sounded like she was confused, which she was of
course, having expected a name like Tommy or something. Tommy and
Julie, that sounded nice together. Ann and Julie? Uhhhh... "I thought
you were a guy? Didn't you just say..."

"Yeah..." I tried to laugh, like wasn't that a good joke! Ha-ha
"...Sorry about that, it was just a figure of speech or something."

"Oh." Julie didn't sound quite so happy now. But she wasn't
hanging up either. I glanced at the wall clock and it was just before
seven, still kinda early.

"What are you doing?" I ventured, wondering how long she'd talk
to me before it got too weird for her.

"Just reading." She replied. "I have to get through 3 chapters in
this stupid story about the civil war for school."

"Maybe they're short." I offered hopefully. "What is that, the
Red Badge of Courage or something?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Did you read it?" I couldn't tell if she
was bored with me or not, but this wasn't an exciting conversation
either and I wished I'd paid more attention to the girls talking in
the bathroom at school. I might have learned how to talk to a girl.

"I was supposed to once." I giggled a little. "But it was too
boring."

"Yeah." She agreed. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing. I just got home from football practice and figured maybe
I'd call you and say hi." I frowned at Greg who was grinning as he
listened to me.

"You play football?" Julie giggled too and it sounded cute.

"Sure, yeah. I'm a running back and sometimes a linebacker." I
told her proudly, but then I realized she probably didn't even know
what that meant.

"Wow, that's cool." Julie sounded like she was impressed anyway.
"We don't have a football team, just a basketball team. I'm on
the junior pep squad."

"Really? You're a cheerleader?" I made it sound like the coolest
thing I'd ever heard in my life and Greg laughed so I showed him my
fist.

"Well, not really a cheerleader, not yet. You have to be in 11th
grade to be a cheerleader here, but it's kind of the same thing. We
dance and stuff, it's fun."

"That's pretty cool." I said. "I bet you're the best dancer
too, huh?"

"Nah." She shrugged that off, but she was laughing a little
self-consciously. "I'm just average."

"You don't seem average to me." I told Julie before I could think
about it.

It was quiet for a few seconds and I bit my lip. "Thanks." She
finally said. "I um, I don't think you're average either." Then
she laughed, but it was a nervous one. "That sounded dumb, huh?"

"No, uh-uh..." I reassured her. "I kinda liked it."

"Okay." She sighed and I wondered what that meant. God, it was like
I needed a translator to talk to this girl.

"So, um, what do you do when you're not in school?" I asked Julie
carefully, really wanting to keep everything neutral sorta and trying
to think of something everybody liked. "You ever, ah...ride horses or
anything?"

"Oh yeah! Me and Denise go to this little horse ranch and ride
sometimes." Julie replied enthusiastically. "I want a horse so bad,
but my dad says we don't have room for one. We don't have a barn or
anything like that."

"All you need is a big shed and a corral." I told her, but I
didn't really have a clue about horses. "Or maybe you could get a
horse and board it someplace."

"Yeah, maybe." Julie didn't sound so sure, and what did I know?

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked. "I mean besides reading
and talking to me."

"Mmm...nothing. Just hanging around." Julie replied. "Why?"

"Uh, well my brother is driving over to Beaverton and I was gonna
ride along, maybe we could meet someplace." I pointed my finger at
Greg, stabbing the air and he was shaking his head.

"Oh!" Julie sounded a little shocked at the idea. "I don't
know, I mean um..."

"How about the A&W Rootbeer stand?" I offered. "We can get some
of those big floats, or a Black Cow or something."

"Uh..." She was hesitating and I felt my heart sinking.

"If you don't want to, I understand." I said, trying my best to
sound casual.

"No, it's not that." Julie said a little quickly and that made me
feel better.

"So you do want to?" I was smiling and I think she knew it, or I
hoped she did.

"Yeah, um...I guess so." She agreed, "But I can't stay out too
late. School night, you know."

"Yeah, sure, that's okay." I wasn't sure how excited she was,
not very I thought, but at least I'd see her. "How about I meet you
there at eight o'clock?"

"Sure, okay." Julie replied. "I'll see you then."

"Okay. Bye." I was nodding at Greg who was shaking his head.

"Bye." Julie hung up her phone.

"No way." Greg was saying, but he was smiling.

"Dude, you gotta take me to Beaverton." I was begging him with my
eyes. "Please, I gotta see this..." I realized what I was saying
and dropped my voice to a whisper. "...I gotta see this girl,
okay?"

"Yeah, I figured that much." Greg laughed and he was whispering
too. "Are you really a lesbian?"

"I don't know, look, we'll discuss it on the way, okay? I told
her I'd meet her at eight." I grabbed his hand, pulling it.
"Please Greg, you owe me."

"No, you owe me." He smirked a little.

"What? Name it." I told him. "I'll let you off for doing my
chores." He was shaking his head. "I'll do your chores, come on,
dude!"

"No, uh-uh" He was killing me!

"What?" I looked at him and I realized what he was waiting for.
"Oh no..." I stared at him. "Are you crazy?" I was really
whispering then. "Mark will kill you! David too, they'll kill both
of us! No way!"

"Who's gonna know?" Greg was grinning. "On the way back,
okay?" He stood there smiling while I didn't say anything. Greg
glanced over his shoulder at the clock. "Gonna take 20 minutes to get
there..." and a half minute later, "...think she'll wait?"

"Okay!" I hissed. "Alright, I'll do it. I'm gonna change
clothes, then we'll go."

"Good." He grinned and started putting his books away while I ran
to my room wondering what I was going to wear.

I didn't have a lot of time to worry about it so I just put on some
decent brown corduroys and a clean white t-shirt that said
'Hyperformance' on the front with a big piston on the back. I ran
wet fingers through my hair, but there wasn't much I could do with it
anyway, and grabbed my Mariners warm-up jacket. I looked pretty much
like I had the first time I'd met Julie, two days before - a
fourteen year old boy. I hoped she'd still like me.

"So what's the deal?" Greg was asking me. We were riding in his
'71 Barracuda that he'd just gotten a month before on his 16th
birthday, the same day he'd gotten his license. I was going to be 15
in a month and a half and I couldn't wait, at least I'd be driving
then...under adult supervision, of course, but that was better than
nothing.

"What?" I looked and Greg. "I met this girl, Julie, the other
night when I was out with Kyle. She thought I was a guy and gave me her
phone number."

"But I thought you were a guy." Greg laughed. "Inside, right? But
you only like guys so...Nevermind." Greg was just teasing me, but he
was curious too.

"Well, yeah. But I dunno, I sort of liked her too, so..." I
shrugged.

"You think she's queer?" Greg looked at me for a second.

"No." I didn't think she was.

"Sooooo..." Greg scratched his head. "Why are you going all the
way to Beaverton to see a girl who isn't queer..." He glanced at me
again. "...if you're not queer either?"

"Uh..." I made a face.

"You are queer?" He looked at me so long I yelled at him to watch
where he was going. "Jesus, when did you turn queer? I thought Kyle
was your boyfriend now. Does he know about this Julie chick?"

"He is my boyfriend." I sighed. "And no, he doesn't
know...well, he met her, but he doesn't know I'm meeting her. And
uh, I don't know I guess I'm sorta bisexual or something." I
didn't really feel like talking about all this. "I haven't
figured it out yet."

"Figured it out?" Greg laughed. "What's there to figure out,
Ann? You either like girls or you don't, Christ, dad's gonna have a
fit!"

"What?" I stared at him. "You can't say anything, Greg. Not
ever, to nobody!"

"I ain't gonna say anything." He said defensively, "But what?
You think you can start picking up girls in Beaverton and nobody's
gonna know cause it's so freakin' far away?" He was laughing
again and it actually made me smile, just a little.

"I don't know." I gestured uselessly with my hands. "I'm not
picking up girls either, okay? It's one girl and we met by mistake.
We're just friends, not girlfriends. She probably doesn't even like
me very much."

"Right." Greg nodded. "This chick's gonna meet you at the
rootbeer stand cause she found out the cute guy she likes is really a
girl and she doesn't like you very much...Okay, I get it."

"Really?" I looked at Greg hopefully, wondering for a second if he
could explain it to me.

"No." He laughed and I just tilted my head back, looking at the
dark nothingness of the car's ceiling.

It was three minutes before eight when we pulled into the parking lot.
The A&W was like a drive-in hamburger stand, but they had seating
inside too. Greg said he'd hang out in the car while I went in and he
could tell I was nervous.

"First time you ever met a girl?" He asked me as I sat there taking
a few deep breaths.

I nodded. "Sorta."

"Don't worry, you're the coolest guy I know." Greg squeezed my
leg gently. "And remember, she likes you already, so just be
yourself."

"Okay." I smiled at him gratefully, but I wasn't so sure.

I slipped out of the car and walked nervously across the dim parking
lot and into the bright lights of the A&W. There weren't too many
people in there, a couple people with their little kids in one booth,
and Julie sitting in another one all by herself. She looked exactly
like I remembered, with her long black hair sort of tangled, but nice,
and her dark almond eyes and soft pale skin that reminded me of
porcelain. She was wearing jeans and a nice gold colored blouse with a
sort of white lacey collar that opened at the neck. It was cute. Julie
had her jacket on the seat beside her and she smiled and waved, just a
little one, when she saw me.

"Hi." I sat down opposite her in the booth, looking around a
little, but looking at her too. She smelled nice.

"Hi." Julie was smiling and looking at me a little funny, sort of
tilting her head.

"What?" I asked, feeling really self-conscious and wondering if I
had something on my face, I could feel myself blushing just a little
from her scrutiny and I guess she caught herself then.

"Oh!" Julie giggled nervously and looked down. "Nothing. I'm
sorry."

"Uh..." I was too nervous to push her, so I asked her what she
wanted.

"Just a float? I guess...yeah..." She was blushing too and it
really showed on her snow white skin.

"Okay." I took a little breath and got up to get our floats. I was
really wondering what I was doing there and even worse, I was sure
Julie was asking herself the same thing.

When I sat back down, setting Julie's float carefully in front of
her, she finally told me what she'd been looking at. "You really
look...I mean um, I thought you were a really cute guy, you know?"
She was leaning across the little table and I was doing the same so
that our heads were almost touching.

"Okay." I smiled and shrugged, like that was no big deal. We were
both speaking quietly. "What about now?" I asked her.

"You still look like a guy, a little, but yeah, you're a girl
too." She giggled. "I mean you're a girl. Period, not a girl too.
Sorry." She was blushing again.

"I'm sort of a guy." I didn't even want to try and explain
myself to her, but I had to say something. "I mean like a tomboy, I
guess. I play football, and fix cars with my brothers, and dress well,
like this..." I looked down at myself and we were both smiling.

"And look for girls?" Julie asked, raising her eyebrows playfully.

"Uh, well, no...not really..." I laughed nervously. "I mean
you're the one who gave me your phone number, remember?" And it was
my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah." She nodded, biting her straw a little. "But that wasn't
my fault."

"Oh yeah?" I was stabbing my ice cream with my straw, which had a
tiny spoon molded into the bottom. "Who's fault was it then?"

"Yours!" She said like it was obvious and laughed at my look of
innocence. "You didn't even tell me your name; you just took my
phone number and smiled."

"Well, maybe I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your
friend." I countered.

"Yeah." Julie giggled, "You didn't even know she was there!"

"Who?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"My friend, Den..." Then she caught the joke. "Oh you!" She
dipped one red fingernail into her float and flicked ice cream at me.

"You know why I didn't notice her?" I asked, wiping a spot of
vanilla off my cheek.

"Why?" Julie took a sip and waited.

"I leaned even closer, looking around like I had a secret.
"Because, you were there." I was smiling but my eyes were serious
and she looked into mine for a long count of 5 before she looked down
and I sat back a little, feeling warm all over.

When Julie looked back up she was biting her bottom lip and her face
was blushing softly pink. I thought I'd never seen anyone so
beautiful in my life.

"Really?" She whispered.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Really."

We didn't kiss or anything, but we talked a lot. Sometimes really
serious, sometimes really silly. She was smart and funny and
interesting and everything I liked she liked too, or at least seemed
to. And anything she could tell me about herself and her family and her
friends was fascinating to me. I wanted to know everything and it was
hard letting her go at nine o'clock. The hour had flown by, for both
of us I think, and I felt warm and giddy and a little breathless, like
I'd just run a mile. It was exhilarating.

"I really gotta go." Julie was saying for like the third time, but
she didn't want to leave any more than I wanted her to.

"Hey, wait." I touched her hand, and believe it or not that was the
first time we'd touched. It was a like a little shock went through
me, seriously, and I almost jerked my hand away I was so surprised. But
I didn't, I held my hand on hers, not daring to move it even
slightly.

"What?" She smiled, but she was looking at our hands too.

When she looked up, into my face, I asked her, "Do you believe in
fate?"

"I don't know." She said very seriously and then she giggled.
"Call me tonight, after you get home. Then I'll tell you if I do or
not."

"Really?" I smiled. "It might be kinda late though."

"I don't care. You can wake me up." She grinned and then she
really did have to go. "Bye."

"Bye." And she slipped her hand out from under mine and I just sat
there until Greg came in 5 minutes later.

"That was Julie?" Greg asked me when he sat down. "She's a fox,
man!"

"Yeah." I nodded, smiling like I didn't have a care in the world.

"No wonder you're turning queer, shit." Greg chuckled. "So how
about it? Is she a lesbian or what?"

"Huh?" I had sorted drifted for a second, thinking about how she
liked to play with her earring, the left one. They were gold dangling
things, and she just flicked it a little with the fingers of her right
hand sometimes. I doubted that Julie even noticed she did it.

"Is she queer?" Greg asked impatiently, leaning towards me a
little. "Cause if she ain't maybe you could introduce us, you
know?"

I laughed at him, but I actually felt a little tiny but jealous too,
and that was new for me. "I don't know yet." I shrugged. "But I
think she likes me."

"Well, you were in here long enough." Greg sat back and looked at
Julie's empty cup. "If she wasn't interested before, she is now.
No chick sits for an hour with anybody she don't like."

I thought about that for a second and decided Greg was probably right.
"You want something?" I offered. "Drink or ice cream or
something? I'll buy."

"Nah." Greg shook his head. "I had like three rootbeers while I
was waiting for you guys. In fact..." He looked around, "...they
got a bathroom in here?"

I really owed Greg for driving me to Beaverton to see Julie, there was
no doubt about that. It had been a great night, a thousand times better
than I'd ever expected it to be, and I wouldn't have traded it for
anything. Greg hadn't complained either, not once, even after he'd
sat alone in his car for an hour waiting for me. Only a brother would
do somebody a favor like that, so I didn't mind very much when it was
my turn to do Greg a favor.

The Barracuda was a cool car, but like all cool muscle cars it had
bucket seats in the front and a cramped back seat. I'd leaned over as
much as I could, so I was practically sitting on the shifter, and had
my right hand in Greg's lap, rubbing his penis gently through his
jeans while he drove. I could tell he was getting hard and he'd
wiggle his but every now and then, trying to get some room for the
growing bulge in his pants.

"Just find a spot to pull over." I suggested, feeling my own little
urges building inside me too. Greg's cock felt really nice, even
through his jeans.

"Where?" Greg asked, "There's no place around here. If the
sheriff catches us we're dead."

I couldn't argue with that. If a deputy or someone saw us parked by
the side of the road he'd definitely stop and then figure he caught a
couple fags, until he checked us out. Then he'd find out I was
Greg's 14 year old sister, which had to be a big no-no I was sure.
We'd be dead seven ways from Sunday and that was a fact.

"Well..." I was trying to think, but the fact is it just ain't
that easy hiding in the middle of nowhere. Not like having a big movie
theater parking lot handy.

"Just take it out." Greg suggested with a little grin.

"While you're driving?" I giggled, thinking he was joking.
"Let's just go to the quarry." The old limestone quarry was like
the local lovers lane and the cops didn't bother anyone much before
midnight, or so I'd heard. I'd never actually been there.

"That's on the other side of town." Greg snorted a little and I
wondered what the big deal was, it wasn't like we were walking or
anything. "Just do it here, like this."

"What if you get in an accident or something?" I wasn't sure I
wanted to be giving my brother a blowjob going down the road doing
forty.

"I won't. Come on...Take it out, sis!" Greg was rocking his hips
a little and I guess it must have been sorta uncomfortable, but he was
excited too.

I shrugged a little and moved so I could get both hands down there
working on his zipper and unbuttoning his boxers so I could free his
straining penis. It was hot in my hands and once again I was surprised
at how good a real cock could feel, just the weight of it was cool, how
it felt heavy and alive under my fingers.

"Yeah..." Greg sighed, "...that's it..." He seemed to settle
back a little and slowed down to a few miles per hour under the speed
limit. Route 29 wasn't much of a road anyway, I mean it was pretty
straight and smooth, but it didn't get a whole lot of traffic this
time of day. Most everybody around there had farms of one sort or
another, so they were getting ready for bed.

I stroked Greg's cock slowly with my right hand. It was big, I mean
for just being barely 16 years old, Greg had a really long thick penis.
It was almost as big as Steve's, I thought, and more than a little
bit bigger than any of my friends' dicks, even Kyle's and he was
older than Greg was. Maybe it was genes or something, since all my
brothers seemed sort of big in that department, at least so far as I
could tell from casual - and not so casual - observation.

"I really like your cock..." I said softly, rubbing my thumb over
the smooth round head and feeling the wetness there. "...it's so
nice..."

"You do?" Greg's penis was getting even bigger, I thought, if
that were possible.

"Yeah..." I really wished I could have kissed him then, that would
have been so nice too. "...I wish I had a cock like this..." I
rubbed the palm of my hand over his cockhead and then down the shaft,
working to get him nice and wet all over with precum.

"Oh that feels good, Ann..." Greg looked down to see what I was
doing in the dim light of the dashboard.

"Mmm..." I agreed. "...watch the road, Greg..." I giggled.
"...I'll watch this..." and I squeezed his cock harder, reminding
him of what he was doing.

"Yeah..." Greg looked back up and licked his lips.

"If I had a big cock like this I'd jerk off everyday..." I told
Greg quietly, leaning over so my head was against the side of his seat,
close to his shoulder. "...Do you jerk off, Greg?"

"Yeah...I do...uh-huh..." he was breathing a little harder.

"Everyday?" I asked and he nodded. "Do you think about me?"

"Always..." He moaned softly. "...I've been thinking about you
since I was...uh...12 I think..."

"Twelve?" I giggled softly. "Really? That was when you started
jerking off?" I moved my hand to my mouth, licking it and tasting his
precum, which didn't taste like much of anything, but it was still
good. I drooled a small puddle of spit into my palm and slid it up and
down and around Greg's shaft.

"Yeah..." Greg was hunching his hips a little, trying to get me to
move my hand faster, but I was being deliberately slow. Talking to him
like this was getting me even more excited.

"And you were thinking about me?" I smiled and slipped my fingers
down to play with his hairy balls. "Did you think about fucking me,
Greg?"

"Oh...shit yeah..." My brother nodded.

"But I'm a boy, Greg..." I teased him. "Don't you think I
look like a boy?"

Greg swallowed thickly. "A little...but I..."

"So you wanted to fuck me like a boy?" I was getting hot all over
now.

"I...yeah...maybe..." Greg's cock was throbbing in my hand and I
wrapped my fingers tightly around the base. He was so thick I
couldn't get completely around it, but it was close enough.

"Did you think about fucking my ass, Greg..." I was breathing hard
too and the windows were starting to fog up a little. "...fucking
your big hard cock in my tight little butt..." I felt his cock
growing a little sticky and I gathered more precum from the head, he
was leaking like a faucet. "...fucking my ass like a boy, Greg...is
that what you were thinking?"

"Yeah...uh-huh...oh shit, Ann...I'm gonna cum pretty soon..."
Greg reached for the dash and turned on the window defroster.

"If I had a cock like yours would you still fuck me..." I asked
breathlessly, moving my hand up and down his throbbing cock slowly,
squeezing it every now and again. "...would you fuck me if I really
was a boy, Greg?"

"Y-Yeah...I'd...uh...fuck you..." He was so hot he would have
agreed to anything, but it still gave me a rush hearing him say it.

"Would you play with my dick? Would you rub it...like this...?" I
moved my hand a little faster, pulling at it harder. "Would you jerk
me off, Greg...would you make me cum while you fucked me?"

"Uhhh...God yeah..." He groaned and his body was trembling. I could
feel him tense and his foot was going up and down on the accelerator,
just a little like he couldn't keep it steady.

"Do you want me to suck it now..." I wanted him to cum in my mouth
then, to feel his thick heavy cock filling me.

"Oh...please, Annie...suck it...yes!" He had his eyes fixed on the
road, trying to concentrate on driving I thought so he wouldn't cum.

"Would you suck mine, Greg?" I moved my mouth close to his ear,
leaning against him slightly so the car swerved just a little. "Would
you suck my cock while I sucked yours?"

"Yesss...." Greg moaned and he was so close.

"Would you let me cum in your mouth...would you eat it for me..." I
felt my damp pussy quivering with little spasms of pleasure. Talking
like this while I jerked Greg off was really getting me turned on.
"...I'm going to swallow yours..." I promised my brother, taking
a second to lick his ear lightly, swirling my tongue around inside it.

"I'm gonna...I'm...oh shit, sis...hurry up..." Greg was
pleading and he couldn't keep his eyes on the road anymore. He pulled
onto the shoulder, locking up his brakes on the gravel.

"Tell me..." I squeezed his cock hard, trying to keep him from
cumming. "...tell me you want to taste my boy cum..."

"I do...yes...oh please..." Greg was grabbing me around the
shoulders, pushing my head down, desperate to feel my warm wet mouth
around his cock before he exploded.

I almost cracked my head on the steering wheel as I let my brother pull
me down, my mouth opened wide as his fat cock speared into it. The head
rammed into the back of my mouth almost painfully and I gagged on it,
choking and coughing when Greg's body seemed to go stiff, his legs
straightening so his cock was jammed hard between my stretched lips.

"Ahhh...Fuck! Fuck...Fuck yessss..." Greg's penis erupted in my
mouth and I was instantly overwhelmed with his hot sperm. It flooded me
and I coughed on it, my cheeks bulging outward as I tried to contain
it, but that was useless. It spilled out between my lips, running down
the shaft of his jerking cock and over my fingers.

Greg was spurting hard and fast and he was oblivious to everything but
his orgasm. He held my head down with his strong hands, even as I tried
to push myself away, feeling desperate for air. I was choking and my
lungs ached, but it was exciting too. The soft gooey texture of his
cum, strong and salty filled my mouth and I could smell him, his musky
man smell. My body tingled as I was caught in that strange exciting
struggle.

At last I was able to get my mouth away, still full of Greg's sperm,
but I was able to relax and breathe carefully around it. I didn't
want to swallow, not yet. Greg had promised me and I was so hot for
him, all my talk had been feeding my needs, giving me what I needed and
there was one thing left to do.

I moved close to my brother, putting my arms around him in that small
uncomfortable space, sliding my body around the console and the gear
shifter that separated us. I pressed my mouth to his, surprising him,
but Greg didn't resist at first, not until I pushed my tongue into
his waiting mouth, forcing his still warm sperm from mine to his. He
didn't know what was going on right away and then he suddenly
grunted, and I could feel him tensing, but I hugged my brother tight,
fighting to keep my lips sealed against his.

"Mmmpph..." Greg was pushing at me, but as I moved my tongue around
his mouth, exploring him eagerly, he seemed to relax slowly,
surrendering to what I wanted.

I was moaning into his mouth and soon Greg's hands were no longer
pushing, but pulling at me. Instead of forcing him to accept my kiss,
he returned it, his own tongue sliding over mine, into my mouth. We
were passing the remains of his orgasm between us, sharing it even as
it slowly disappeared in the little swallows we took between kisses and
breaths. Perhaps ten minutes later, after we'd been reduced to
licking each other's lips and smiling, both of us hot and sweating
and breathing hard, we knew it was time to go.

I moved awkwardly back into my seat while Greg looked down at the mess
in his lap. His pants were wet and stained with all the sperm that I
hadn't been able to hold in my mouth. He shrugged and gave a little
embarrassed laugh and I giggled, apologizing to him and looking in the
glove compartment for napkins, or a rag or something, but of course
there weren't any. Greg would just have to live with it.

He didn't mention kissing me while my mouth had been full of his cum,
and I didn't want to humiliate him or anything. Even if I'd told
him how good and special that had made it for me, he would have felt a
little bad, I thought. It wasn't the sort of thing a normal boy liked
to think about, probably. I didn't think he'd want to remember the
things I'd been saying to him, or some of them anyway. So I sat there
quietly, enjoying the warm glow in my tummy, and smiling while Greg
drove us slowly home. At least I'd managed to have gay sex, sort of,
I thought, and that had been really good.

Once back home I went straight for the kitchen, looking for something
to drink, while Greg did his best to disappear into our room unnoticed.
Not just because of the big wet spot on his pants, but also because
we'd basically snuck out and didn't want anyone to see us returning
together. Mark and David especially, since they didn't trust Greg or
Henry to be alone with me for much more than 5 minutes.

It was just after ten and I was drinking apple juice when David walked
in through the back door.

"Hey, where you been?" He asked. "Kyle called, a couple times.
Said he needed to talk to you."

"I was down to Josh's" I shrugged. "His truck was dying."

"Again?" David snorted. "What was it this time? Carb?"

"Nah, a couple plugs were loose. He was running on 3 cylinders." I
rinsed my glass in the sink and washed my hands.

"He's always runnin' on three cylinders." David thought Josh
was pretty much an idiot, but that hadn't kept him from going to
Josh's party the week before. "You're coming camping with us,
right?"

"Yeah." I dried my hands on a dish towel. "I gotta call Kyle."

Mark grabbed my arm. "Hold on...Mark said he was gonna come too, did
you ask him already?"

"No, not yet." I looked at my brother. "Why?"

"Uh, well..." David looked a little guilty, I thought. "Sherry
said she didn't want to go if uh, if Kyle was there."

"What? Why?" I stared at David. "Who does she think she..."

"And Jane can't go if Sherry doesn't go, so..." David was
trying to talk over me.

..is anyway? I can invite whoever I want!" I was suddenly a little
pissed.

"...if they're not going, then, uh...we're not going, I guess."
David really looked guilty.

"So nobody's gonna go because I want to bring my boyfriend?" I
was practically grinding my teeth. "Does Mark know?"

"Yeah, he knows. You want to talk to him?" David suggested,
probably hoping it would let him off the hook somehow.

"How come she won't go?" I crossed my arms. "Sherry. What's
her problem with Kyle?"

"She uh..." David lowered his voice, but we were totally alone.
There wasn't even anyone else downstairs, I didn't think. "...she
doesn't want anyone to know about her and Jane. That they're...you
know..."

"Bitches?" I said sarcastically.

"No, come on, Ann." David was close to me, trying to be nice and
explain. "You have secrets too, you know what it's like. Why do you
think we're going camping?" He smiled.

"So you can watch your girlfriends fuck me, probably." I spat.
"You guys aren't any different from anyone else."

"No, come on. Jane really wants to see you. She likes you a lot, she
told me so. Kyle can come another time, after you get to know them
better, you can talk to Sherry, okay? She's really nice." David was
rubbing my shoulder and back, whispering and trying to convince me.

"I don't like it, David." I shook my head. "It ain't fair,
okay? Kyle is my boyfriend, he's my best friend too. I'm not gotta
choose between them and him I'm staying with him, you know? Have fun
on your little camping trip."

"Annie, please...wait..." I was trying to get away and David was
holding me. I didn't want to fight him, I wasn't that angry. Just
disappointed I guess, more than anything else. I could understand
Sherry's point because yeah, I did have secrets, but it still
wasn't right. Mark should have said something up front.

"...look, just call Jane okay? She called tonight too, about half an
hour ago. Just call her and then decide." David was looking into my
eyes. He was so handsome, so damn cute all the time; it was hard to say
no to anything he wanted.

I sighed heavily, like I was really doing something I thought was a
waste of time. "Okay. I'll call her." I promised. "After I call
Kyle."

"Okay." David smiled. "Just uh, don't say anything about..."
I glared at him and he shut up. "Okay." He held up his hands in
mock surrender and finally dug a cigarette out of his shirt pocket,
lighting it on the stove, and walked out the back door again while I
watched silently, waiting to be alone.

I called Kyle, eager just to hear his voice. "Hi!" I said when he
answered on the first ring.

"Hi." Kyle sounded a little less than eager though, more like
anxious. "How are you doing?" He made it sound like I was dying and
my mood was really going downhill fast.

"Uh, fine. Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Um, I talked to Matt." He said. "And Lance..."

"Oh." I'd almost forgotten about that stuff.

"..and John." He paused. "And your brother stopped by, uh..."

"Steve?" I closed my eyes really wishing a big asteroid would just
hit the earth.

"...uh Steve, yeah. The biggest one." But Kyle wasn't making a
joke.

"What did he say?" My voice was full of resignation.

"He said um, well...he basically said you were stressing out over me
and the other guys. Cause we were making you, uh...do stuff and that
you didn't want to do it." Kyle was talking soft and low. "He
said you had to see the doctor."

Great, I thought, now Kyle thinks I'm crazy. I was gonna kill Steve.

"Nah, it wasn't a big deal. My dad called the doctor cause I had a
fever, that's all."

"What about that other stuff?" Kyle didn't sound like he believed
me.

I ignored that question. "What did the guys say?"

"They're pretty pissed at me." Kyle said. "Well, both of us I
guess. Matt said you wouldn't go out with any of them. They all said
that, and then they said that it was my fault cause we went out. John
said I was a backstabber."

John and Kyle were pretty close, like Matt and Lance were real close,
so I knew that must have hurt Kyle a lot.

"I told them it wasn't your fault." I sighed. "I tried to
explain that I changed my mind because I just want one boyfriend, not
four. I want...I don't know." I sat down on the kitchen floor,
under the phone and hugged my knees to my chest.

Kyle didn't say anything and I was quiet for awhile too.

"You guys don't know what it's like, Kyle. I mean everytime I'm
with you guys I'm thinking all kinds of weird thoughts, like I want
to do stuff, but I don't. I want to make everyone happy, but I think
it'll make everyone mad...No matter what I do."

"I don't know..." Kyle started, but he didn't have anything to
say.

"I really want you to be my boyfriend." I told him, deciding all I
could do was just tell him what I wanted. "I want to be friends with
the other guys, but I want us to be...different too. Okay?"

"They're not gonna be our friends anymore, Ann." Kyle sounded
sad. "Matt wants to fight or something, he's really pissed."

"Matt's always pissed. I've had like 20 fights with him, he
always gets over it." I tried to sound convincing, but even though it
was true I'm not sure we believed it.

"Yeah, maybe."

"All those guys need is their own girlfriends." I said. "They
just want me because they're being lazy or something, or they love me
like a sister and they're confusing it with something else...the
other love, you know?"

"Is that what you think of me too?" Kyle sounded hurt and I
hadn't meant to do that at all.

"No! Kyle, no...Didn't you ever feel a little um...different about
me?" I knew he did, he had to, didn't he? Because I did sometimes,
when we were sitting close and just talking and we'd just sort
of...look at each other. I mean I looked at all my friends, but looking
at Kyle...that always made me feel different.

"Um, yeah." He agreed slowly. "I felt it before."

"Me too." I said softly. "I just never said it, or did anything
about it before, because I was worried about what might happen."

"Yeah." Kyle was getting it now, I thought.

"But I'm not a kid anymore, Kyle. I don't want to ignore it,
okay? I don't care what the other guys think anymore, or what might
happen." I was a little stronger now, like I'd finally found my
footing again. It felt good to just say this stuff finally.

"But, I don't know..." Kyle was still worried though. He liked
his friends, a lot, and if I was his girlfriend then... "Lance told
me I had to pick, you or them. And your brother, Steve...he kinda said
the same thing. If I wanted to go out with you then maybe I couldn't
be friends with them, that's what he said."

"Kyle, they'll get over it, I prom..."

"If I gotta pick though," Kyle went on like he hadn't heard me,
"I have to stay with my friends, Ann. You know? They're my best
friends."

I didn't know what to say. I sat there stunned, trying to understand
what Kyle was saying. He wouldn't pick me over them? Even though they
probably wouldn't stay mad for very long, he'd choose them? I
really felt sick then, like all that apple juice was going to come up.
I even gagged slightly, closing my eyes and that was worse, because my
face was hot and I thought I was gonna cry or something.

"Ann?" Kyle sounded concerned and depressed, as he should have, I
thought.

I didn't say anything for a minute, I just sat there ignoring Kyle as
he tried to apologize or something, explain himself maybe, but I
wasn't interested anymore.

"If they were our best friends, we wouldn't have to choose." I
finally said, my voice trembling. "That's why I woulda picked you,
Kyle." I hung up before he could say anything, before he could hear
me crying.


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The end of chapter nine
rache696@yahoo.com

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