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Message-ID: <54000asstr$1149502201@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Shalon Wood <dstar@pele.cx>
Subject: {ASSM} Pandora's Box 24 (Mf Mff MMf rom ws exhib bdsm)
Lines: 596
Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2006 06:10:01 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

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SPECIAL NOTE FOR READERS OF _Jason and Kylie, Naked In School_:

You may or may not be aware, but Shalon broke his arm in two places three weeks ago; Jason and Kylie is temporarily on hold (he had a nice cushion built up on Pandora's Box, which is why he switched to that. Please see http://playground.pele.cx for details, including news on when Jason and Kylie will return.

If you have any questions, please email us, or visit our forums at http://playground.pele.cx/forums and ask.
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SPECIAL NOTE FOR READERS WHO DON'T LIKE M/M SCENES:

You want to either make it through the upcoming M/M scene (next chapter, IIRC) or skip to the end, because the scene after that involves Pandora, a bottle of lube, and a latex catsuit that fits perfectly.

Meow.

And a blindfold.

(And I promise, not all of our stories are MM; we've only got three, in fact, which are. It's just that somehow those three (Pandora's Box, Prudence, and Jason and Kylie (to a very small degree -- two scenes) ended up being some of the first ones we posted.

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Standard disclaimers apply; this story may or may not contain, in any
given part, graphic depictions of lesbianism, homosexuality, group sex,
bdsm, underage (teen) sex, magic, occultism, violence, and biting 
sarcasm.  If you're underage, or if for any other reason it's illegal 
for you to read this, or you're disturbed by the content, please don't 
read it.

Archived at http://pandora.pele.cx, and we've got a web-forum at
http://playground.pele.cx/forums as well, for discussion of both
Pandora and our other stories. 

Comments *greatly* appreciated.

Enjoy,

Velvet
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After a long while... over an hour... she tugged the towel down from her
face and looked up at him. She still seemed nervous, reluctant to speak.

Gabriel stroked her hair. "It's okay, love."

She smiled slightly. "If you don't know what I'm going to say, how can you
be sure of that?" she asked quietly.

"Whatever it is, it's okay. If you've decided you want to leave... it would
hurt me, but if it's what you need, it's okay. If you've decided you never
want to make a decision again in your life... I'd think it was a mistake,
but if it was what you needed, it would be okay." His eyes held hers.
"Whatever it is, love, it's okay."

Her eyes widened. "_Leave_? No! No, that wasn't... I wouldn't even consider
that. Not ever."

Gabriel touched her cheek. "I'm glad. I don't want you to leave."

She rubbed her cheek against his hand. "I won't. I can't. I couldn't stand
it, it would hurt too bad."

"I love you." He caressed her cheek. "What did you want to say, then?"

"I... this is hard for me," she admitted reluctantly. "If it were someone
else telling me they felt this way, I'd be telling them to run away fast.
It's such a...	a _stupid_ way to feel. But I've decided that... that I
don't really care." She curled up, cheek against his thigh, not looking at
him. "It doesn't matter if it's stupid, or dangerous, or anything else.
It's still the way I feel, and I don't want to change it."

Gabriel smiled. "That's how I feel about you. I wouldn't change it for
anything."

She peeked up at him, then back down. "It's not just the... the connection.
Not just loving you like I do. It's..." She hesitated, then asked, "Well...
what do you feel?"

Gabriel didn't answer immediately, taking the time to give the question the
reflection it deserved. "You're mine. I want... I _need_ to dominate you,
to control you. Not to hurt you, or take your choices away from you, but
to..." He paused. "I want you to make your choices. I'll help you make
them, I'll... guide you, advise you, if you want, but they'll be your
choices. But once you've made them, then I'll ensure that they have the...
greatest impact they can. Like this afternoon. You made the choice to
submit, and you made the choice to show them your body. You made the choice
to let him touch you. But once you did, you gave control over to me, and I
used it to take you somewhere you didn't know you could go. Somewhere you
didn't even know existed."

"So... you need that control?" she asked, her voice trembling uncertainly.

He looked at her, his gaze steady on hers. "Yes." He brushed a thumb over
her mouth. "But I won't take it unless you want me to. That's one of the
choices you make."

"I... I'd feel better if it _was_ a choice," she said softly. "But it
isn't, not really. Somehow it's just... there now. A part of me, whether I
want it or not."

"Is it really new?" he asked, equally softly. "Or is it something that lay
hidden in the depths of your soul, a diamond lost in the darkness until
brought into the light to reveal its brilliance?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I can't know. I couldn't... I never felt
_safe_ enough to even think about it before."

"That's your answer, isn't it?" he murmured. "If it hadn't been there all
along, you wouldn't have needed to feel safe to think about it. If it
wasn't something you wanted, you wouldn't have felt the need to protect
it." He brushed his thumb across her lips again. "You wouldn't have been
Bloodsong."

"Maybe... but... who am I now?"

"Love... that's an easy one. You're Pandora Taiwan Harris, same as you were
yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. You just know a
little bit more about who she is," he said.

She looked up at him, sitting halfway up and shaking her head violently.
"_No_. No, I'm not. I'm not even close, and wouldn't _want_ to be!"

"Aren't you?" He cocked an eyebrow at her. "You're still who you were,
love. You've just decided to _be_ who you are, rather than letting your
mother force you into her mold."

"No," she said more quietly. "I _wasn't_... wasn't there. Wasn't the same.
It's not just that I can be something else, it's... it's more than that. I
_am_ different, different enough that I'm someone else. Who I was might be
in there, somewhere, but who I am was not there before."

Gabriel regarded her thoughtfully. "Is it possible," he asked, "that you've
grown up?" His voice was gentle. "That yesterday, and the day before, and
the day before that, you were a child, but that you are no longer one? That
you've chosen to embrace all of who you are, and become more than you were
as a child?"

"Grown up?" She smiled. "No. I would have had to have been able to be a
child for that to happen. Woken up, maybe."

Gabriel shook his head. "You were a child," he said quietly. "But you were
not _innocent_. If I had to guess... you left your childhood behind when
you came here."

"I don't think I _left_ anything," she said. "I just... gained a lot. More
than I ever thought was even out there."

Gabriel nodded. "It's like that. Childhood is... you don't realize how much
more there is until you take your first step into a larger world. And then
you look back, and you wonder how you could have ever been satisfied with
the small world you inhabited before."

"I _wasn't._ Satisfied, I mean. I just... thought it was all I could have."

"And then you finally decided not to settle for less than you wanted. And
now you don't know how you lived without it."

"And now I can't live without it." She sighed. "That's what it comes down
to... whether I want it or not, I can't live without it."

"_Do_ you want it?"

"I... think so?" she whispered.

Gabriel caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Are you okay with wanting it?"

"It'd be kinda pointless not to be, wouldn't it?"

"Yes." Gabriel smiled, just a little. "That wouldn't necessarily change
anything, though."

"I'm... going to be okay with it. I think," she said. "With a little time.
Because it's worth it."

Gabriel looked at her seriously. "Are you sure?"

"That it's worth it?" she asked.

Gabriel nodded.

"Yeah," she said softly, smiling up at him. "_That_ I'm sure about. It's
worth... anything."

"And what we did this afternoon? Was it worth what it cost you?"

"I... that's a bit less clear," she admits. "I don't, um, _regret_ it,
exactly, but..." She shrugged, sitting up and wrapping the towel around her
shoulders.

"But?" he asked.

"But... I don't think that I'd want to do it again. At least not right
now." She looked at him anxiously. "I'm so sorry, I just... it was too...
too much, um, 'not me', I guess. It's hard to tell, because like I said,
I'm not sure what _is_ 'me' right now, but I don't think being that...
public is. I'm sorry."

Gabriel nodded, slowly. "I think I understand." He pursed his lips
thoughtfully. "Suppose it had been someone we knew, rather than a stranger?
Someone you liked and trusted, someone you were comfortable around?"

She looked confused for a moment, then answered slowly, "Um...
_theoretically_ that might make a difference. Depending on the person, and
how they felt about it. But... there isn't anyone like that."

Gabriel smiled slightly. "Isn't there?"

She shook her head. "No, there isn't. I don't really _know_ anyone."

Gabriel's lips curved just a little more, and he raised an eyebrow.

She shook her head, looking confused. "No, there isn't."

"What about your sister?" he asked.

She looked suddenly horrified. "No! Oh please!"

Gabriel blinked in confusion. "Easy, love. I didn't say I was going to. I
just wanted you to realize that there _was_ someone."

She shook her head, eyes wide and scared. "I couldn't ever do something
like that in front of her. She'd think I was... she'd never look at me the
same again."

"She'd think you were what, love?"

Pandora huddled in the towel, her head down. "Weak. Stupid. Abused."

"Are you, love?" he asked.

She took a long while to answer, then just said, "I'm not abused."

Gabriel's lips tightened. "Do you think you're weak? Or stupid?"

"Stupid... I don't know. I'd say anyone else who claimed to want what I
want was stupid, so maybe. Weak... yeah." She hunched up small on the
couch. "That's kinda what 'can't say no' really means, you know?"

"Do you think I'm weak?"

"No."

"I can't say no to you."

She shook her head. "It's different. You're not doing things that are so...
so... things that will make people look down on you, that can hurt you."

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "I'm having sex with a fifteen year old girl.
Kinky, perverted sex, at that."

"That's legality. Not... um... morality. And you'd already made that
decision. Not the kinky part, but to take the risk."

"Most people would say it was a matter of morality," he said.

"Not really. A lot of people, maybe, but not most. Probably not even most
in the US," she said.

Gabriel shook his head. "Most. Sixteen would be different, but fifteen...
you aren't even old enough to drive. There's a line there for most people."
He looked at her. "But they're wrong, aren't they?"

"Yeah," she said. "And they'd agree they were after talking to me. The age
thing it's just... a guideline. Not a big deal."

"What is freedom?" he asked.

She looked puzzled. "What?"

"What is freedom? What does it mean to be free?" he asked.

"To have choices."

"And to be able to make those choices. If you can't choose to give someone
power over you, are you really free?" Gabriel smiled. "C'mon. You've seen
this rehashed over and over again on the boards. You aren't weak, love, and
you aren't stupid. Or if you are, so am I."

"But I _can't_ choose, Gabriel," she said. "That's what I've been saying. I
don't have a choice. It's just there."

"You do have a choice, love. You could choose to deny it, to pretend it
doesn't exist, to be miserable for the rest of your live. People do that
every day. You're just smart enough to realize that that's what would
happen. But that _is_ a choice." He ran his hand down her back. "It's not a
good one, at least in my opinion, but it _is_ a choice. This scares you,
doesn't it?"

She nodded mutely.

Gabriel smiled. "Then why do you think it makes you _weak_? If you were
weak, love, you'd be running in the other direction, not facing what you
want even though it scares you."

"Because not having it scares me more," she said. "There _isn't_ an option
that doesn't scare me, so it's not strength to chose the easiest path."

"This isn't the easiest path. The easiest path doesn't involve risk." He
looked at her soberly. "Does it?"

"You don't understand. There isn't a path without risk," she insisted. "And
risking losing you is far worse than anything else that could happen to
me."

Gabriel tilted his head. "Tandoori."

She took a deep breath. "If I had to, I could live with losing her easier
than I could with losing you. You should know that by now."

"Not submitting wouldn't mean you lost me, love."

She bit her lip and avoided his eyes. "You said you needed it, the
control," she said quietly.

"But I also said it was your choice. I wouldn't leave you over it, love. I
need you more than I need the control. If it was the control or you... I'd
pick you." He pulled her close. "Every time."

She shivered in his arms. "I don't know that I could stay with you and
_not_ give it to you. I... I couldn't help myself, couldn't _stop_. I
_don't_ think I have a choice, not anymore, you see? It just... doesn't
matter to me. It's worth it."

"That doesn't mean you're weak. That means it's important to you."

She shook her head. "If you truly think I'm not stupid, Gabriel, please pay
me the respect of knowing the difference between doing something because I
choose to, and doing something because I _literally_ can't stop myself."

"I do," he said softly. "I just don't think that being unable to stop
yourself means you're weak. It _can_, and sometimes does, but it can also
mean that whatever it is is something you truly _need_. Tell me, does it
mean you're weak to be unable to stop breathing? Eating? To be unable to
stop your heart from beating?"

"This is different, you know it is," she said. "It's something I _know_ I
don't have to have... I never wanted it before. I lived without it fine."

"That doesn't mean you don't need it. It just means you never knew you
needed it, and so you didn't know it was missing." He ran his hand down her
back. "Did you?"

"No, but... Gabriel, _no one_ would consider, um, _that_ to be a 'need'!
_No_ kind of sex is a _need_."

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "Love, you know better than that. How long were
you on Secret Gardens?"

She looked embarrassed. "It... was the first board I was ever on. But... I
always thought the people who claimed to _need_ it were, well, crazy."

Gabriel smiled at her. "Do you still think so, love?"

"If I say I don't then that's just because I don't want to be crazy!" she
said. "But I can't say that because you can't _say_, yourself, whether
you're crazy or not, because if you're crazy, you wouldn't _know_!"

"Do you trust _me_ to know if you're crazy?" he asked.

"I want to, but... " She looked at him unhappily. "How can I? I mean... we
might just be crazy together. That'd explain a lot, wouldn't it?"

"That's... remarkably unlikely, love."

"And all of this... " She waved at his ears and the bit of hair that had
unconsciously curled around her waist. "Isn't?"

"I think it's more likely than that we've somehow gone mad in exactly the
same way, love." He looked down at her. "You aren't crazy, love. You've
simply discovered something you need."

She looked away, sighing. "I... don't know. I just know that... that
needing it scares me, and, in a way, makes me feel like I _must_ be crazy,
or weak, or _something_."

"You aren't." He stroked her cheek. "You aren't, love."

Pandora rubbed her cheek against his hand. "I just wish I could be sure.
Not being able to stop, _knowing_ I'd do absolutely anything... honestly,
how can you really say that _is_ sane?" she asked, looking up at him
pleadingly.

"Something is only a psychological problem if it causes you distress or
interferes with your daily life, love. So by definition, it's not
insanity."

She shook her head. "It _is_ causing me distress, Gabriel! And do you
really think it _won't_ interfere with my daily life? How could it not?"

"Because I won't let it."

"You can't stop it. Even if you never _did_ anything, the... the urge would
still be there. I'd still be thinking about it, still be acting based on...
on what I think you would want from me. I don't think I could stop myself."

Gabriel nodded. "But that doesn't mean it would _interfere_, love. It would
affect your life, yeah, but not interfere with it. Don't you understand?"

She bit her lip, avoiding his eyes as she answered. "I... honey... what you
want is... is more important to me that pleasing my mother. That... that's
going to change things. A lot. Make things... really hard. I don't know yet
how I'm going to deal with that, what's going to happen, but I'm scared."

"Love... you'd already decided that, remember?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes, but... I hadn't realized how... how far I would
go. What we did today... that's something I never would have _dreamed_ of
doing for anyone, ever!"

"People tend to go overboard when they discover something new that they
like," Gabriel said gently.

She looked at him solemnly. "I know that. I know all about 'new
relationship energy' and 'new project syndrome' and things like that. And
this wasn't me going overboard out of enthusiasm, or even wanting to please
you, this was... something different."

"What was it, then?" he asked.

"I don't _know_ for sure," she said, sounding frustrated. "But I
_literally_ couldn't stop myself. It wasn't that I was afraid to speak up,
or that I was afraid of disappointing you, or that I was having too much
fun to stop. I couldn't even _think_ of stopping. I... I had no will
until... until you allowed me to." She looked up at him, trembling. "And
even after you did, I... could still feel it. It was so hard... didn't you
realize? I... I _had_ to ask you if I could take the clothes off. I _had_
to ask if I could get out of the tub... " Her voice rose, quavering with a
touch of fear. "I couldn't move until you told me I could!"

Gabriel hesitated. "I..." He bit his lip. "Love... maybe we _do_ need to
talk to Tandi about this. Maybe it's because of... of what I am."

"No!" She shook her head, face set firmly. "I don't care what causes it. It
doesn't matter. I'm not... complaining, I guess. I don't want to change it,
that's not why I'm telling you this. I just... I'm scared," she said
softly. "And I... I need you to _know_. I'm not even sure why, I just do."
She dropped her eyes, letting her hair fall forward to hide her face.
"Even... even if it is the most humiliating thing I've ever had to admit,"
she whispered.

Gabriel brushed the hair away. "I don't think it's humiliating," he said.
"I think it's flattering. Thank you."

Pandora flinched, hunching her shoulders forward and pulling away from him.
"Flattering for you, maybe, but what it says of me... " She just shook her
head and closed her eyes, voice catching in her throat.

"It says you're very special, love," Gabriel said softly. "It says that you
are something beyond my wildest dreams, something I never... never knew I
_wanted_, even. A dream come true, a fantasy given human form."

She looked up at him slowly, her eyes glimmering with tears. "How can you
say that? H-how could you possibly h-have any respect for me now?" she
whispered. 

"How could I not?" he replied.

A tear escaped and rolled down one soft, pale cheek, and she turned away
from him without answering, her shoulders trembling.

"This terrifies you, but you didn't run from it. You didn't hide from it,
or try to pretend it isn't there, or even try to keep me from knowing. You
met it face on and didn't flinch. How could I _not_ respect you?"

"You say that like I had a choice in any of it. I didn't," she said, still
not looking at him. "I don't. I want it... but it wouldn't matter if I
didn't. I still wouldn't have any choice. And wanting you to know is... is
just... I don't know. Cowardice, maybe. Because if you know, you might go
easy on me. Or you might not, but either way, it's not my fault for not
telling you."

"You did have a choice. You could have _tried_ to pretend it wasn't there,
love, but you didn't. Whether or not you would have succeeded doesn't
matter; you still could have tried to take the easy way out." He looked at
her for a long moment. "But... maybe that doesn't matter. So I'll give you
something that does."

Fearfully, almost reluctantly, she looked back up at him, her face the
picture of naked vulnerability.

Gabriel reached for her hand, cradling it in his, and closed his eyes. "I
think you need something... more concrete. Something to remind you how I
feel about you." He reached for the line crossing the room and pulled it
over, wrapping it around her left ring finger, concentrating. "I meant it
when I asked you to marry me." He let go of the line, and light flickered
around her finger, resolving into a silver ring. He ran his thumb across
it, looking closely, and smiled as the flickering light from the fire
picked out the leaping dolphins above the white-capped waves, platinum and
silver and white gold producing the shades of the picture.

Pandora stared at her finger for a long moment, then up at him, then back
down, and burst into tears.

Gabriel reached down and pulled her up onto his lap. "Love, it's okay. It's
okay."

"I j-just want... you t-to love me, b-but they always say y-you have to
l-love yourself and I'm _scared_ of wh-who I am now!" she wailed, clinging
to him. "I d-don't think I w-would love someone wh-who was like me... I
w-would f-feel sorry for them, and... and w-want to help them, b-but mainly
I'd want them to _go away_ b-b..because it's so _creepy_! How c-can you
really still feel the same? I don't understand!"

"It's _not_ creepy, love. It..." He hesitated. "It fills a hole I didn't
know was there."

"Oh _Gabriel_!" she whispered, and buried her face against his chest,
holding him so tightly it was nearly painful. "I love you so much! Oh god,
I need you so much... "

"You have me," he said, kissing the top of her head. "You have me."

She shivered, trying to press even closer to him. "Take care of me," she
pleaded in a scared little whisper. "I can't tell you 'no', s-so please...
don't... don't let me... don't let me get broken. D-don't let me turn into
something you'd have to throw away."

"Never," Gabriel said firmly. "_Never_. You're mine, and I won't let you be
hurt."

"Just... just remember I'm new at this. I..." She looked up at him, eyes
seeming to plead for understanding. "I h-have this _need_ to please you,
and it's so strong, b-but I don't even know what... what you might ask for.
I never _thought_ about it. All my fantasies were just, well, _physical_.
The mental stuff..." She shivered, and whispered, "I don't know _anything_
about it. I thought... I thought it was all kinda crazy."

"I won't hurt you, love. I promise."

"Is it okay if we... just... kind of go slow?" she asked hesitantly. "I
mean just with the... the mental stuff!" she hurried to add. "The normal
stuff, anything you want is fine, I promise."

He kissed the top of her head again. "Of course, love."

She sounded guilty. "I'm sorry. It's just until I... get used to things."

"Love... I haven't done this before either." He hesitated. "Not... not like
this. It was never like this with Lissa."

Pandora looked down. "No, she wouldn't have... wouldn't have needed this
sort of thing. Or stood for it. She was too independent, too tough for
that," she said quietly.

Gabriel hesitated. "That's... not actually the case, love. But she could
never let go with me."

She peeked up at him skeptically, then hurriedly looked back down. "If she
could with anyone, she could with you. You know she trusted you. She loves
you."

Gabriel nodded. "She did. But..." He sighed. "It wasn't enough."

"Gabriel... she wouldn't let anyone do to her what I'm willing to let you
do to me. No woman like her would." She reached up, touching his cheek
hesitantly. "It's okay. It doesn't hurt me to be less, that way. I... I
think I _get_ more from it, truly."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I do. Or I will, anyway. I mean, it takes so much more from you, doesn't
it? To care for me that way, as well as love me?" she asked. "It will be
harder for you, I know it will, because I know you'd never want to harm
me."

Gabriel nodded, slowly. "I suppose you're right, if you look at it that
way. But I don't like you thinking of yourself as lesser, love."

She hung her head, shoulders drawing up. "I... I'm sorry. But..." She gave
a tiny shrug.

"But nothing. You _aren't_."

"If... you say so," she said carefully.

"I do."

She bit her lip. "I... don't really understand it. But I'll think about it.
I'll try. I'm sorry, but that's the best I can do."

Gabriel looked down at her for several moments, then nodded. "Okay, love."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Take a look!

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