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NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 16:43:14 -0500
From: "RJC" <randyNOSPAMcoffman@comcast.net>
Subject: {ASSM} Love? ..A Dillemma. By El Gato (MF)
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Date: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 22:10:02 -0400
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Content Warning: The following is a work of fiction, and contains mature
subject matter; and graphic descriptions of people engaged in sexual acts.
If this bothers you or if it is illegal to possess such material in your
locality please delete this file now.  This is a work of fiction and any
similarity to any person(s) living or dead is pure coincidence.  Under no
circumstances should this material be deemed suitable for minors.

   Copyright (c) by El Gato, 2005 el_gat09@hotmail.com

   Distribution Rights: May be distributed freely at the time of the
authors primary posting, WITHOUT MODIFICATION on USENET, USENET II,
not-for-profit web sites, not-for-profit ftp sites, and news archival
services which offer free public access to archived articles.  This story
may NOT be reposted without the Authors express permission.  The author
specifically reserves all other rights.

   Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyrighted with all
rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.

   The author desires honest feedback, suggestions, or criticism.

   Reviews of the story are welcome.  (Please e-mail me to let me know.) A
note to my readers: This is NOT a romance.  You have been warned.

   Love?  . . .  A Dilemma.  A short story about relationships.  They don't
always go how you think.  MF

   After all these years, I'm just numb.  When we were first married, I was
deeply in love with my wife.  It was obvious to see, and easy to verify. 
Now I wonder if she ever really loved me.

   It was thrilling to see the joy in her eyes when we were together.  Just
to hold her and make her feel safe brought great joy into my life.  It was
easy to talk with her, to be with her; and touching her inflamed me.  When
we could be alone together I was eager to bring her pleasure, not really
wanting to push her for my own; but desiring it nonetheless.  Her words
promised much, just later.  Later.  I would return to my room and give
myself relief, as I smelled her scent on my fingers and hands.

   We had a traditional wedding, in a small church.  Our parents and a few
friends came out to wish us well on our journey through life.  I claimed my
bride fully that night, both of us fumbling ineptly through our first
times. The times after were much better after we both lost our fears.  I
came to truly love using my mouth and tongue on her breasts and pussy,
watching her reach peak after peak consumed my mind.  Afterwards I had to
'get off of her' because she couldn't stand my weight on her when we had
finished coupling.  Even when I desperately wanted to just have her in my
arms.

   The few times she used her mouth on me felt good, but she could never
keep going until I finished.  I would either 'shoot up her nose', or she
would cough and gag before my orgasm ran to completion.  She never
complained about the taste or anything, but also never swallowed.  Anything
I said to try and explain how to make it better for me was met with 'you
don't love me' or 'I'm such a failure'.  I soon gave up any thought of
explaining what felt good to me.

   The rest of our marriage progressed along, as well.  I supported her in
her career choices, and lent support in all her decisions.  When things
didn't go well, I gave her an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on; and
rebuilt her self-esteem so she could face each day.  Myself, I just plodded
along making a steady but unspectacular paycheck from month to month. 
Slowly I learned the skills needed to advance and make more money for us.
The months rolled together into years.

   Our sex life also continued apace.  I would approach my wife, and
sometimes we would connect; and other times she was 'too tired' or 'too
busy'.  Or 'just not in the mood'.  I discovered that I was 'not romantic
enough', and bought some books to help me become more understanding and
romantic.  During and after a romantic outing, she would often promise to
'reward' me for my efforts.  More often than not, these promises went
unfulfilled.

   I once convinced her to try anal sex.  She had me get her very drunk
before I was allowed to try this 'dirty sex act' with her.  Even as I felt
her tight ass around my cock, my mind was screaming 'It isn't supposed to
be like this!' It was a truly miserable experience for both of us.  So, I
told myself; 'Never again.'

   In the last few years I've noticed that she also has a tendency to lie
to me.  When she would get home from work there was always some 'big event'
that she had to tell me about.  Or something had happened with a friend or
member of her family.  Only if I ever followed up and asked anyone about
it, all I got were astonished looks that I could imagine such things!

   I've also almost totally stopped approaching her, I'm finally tired of
rejection and broken promises.  I've never been unfaithful to her, and
never will; but no longer expect her to meet any of my needs or desires. 
Sad.

   I've tried to talk to her, but all that happens is another argument. 
I'm sick of arguments, too.

   These last few weeks I've been looking back over our 'marriage'.  I was
also thinking about the things I had 'learned' in college, but was too
stupid or blinded by love to really understand them.  I'm wondering if it
is too late to apply this knowledge.  The class asked about power in
relationships, and the differences in how men and women show love.

   In a relationship, the person with the least amount to 'lose' is in
control.  The person with the most vested in the relationship has the least
control.  Looking back, I could see how this applied to me.  I would do
anything, suffer anything, and give up everything to make my wife happy. 
To keep her from harm, from suffering.  She controlled my life totally.

   How does a man show a woman that he loves her?  He does everything in
his power to protect her, cherish her, provides for her wellness, pleasure,
and happiness.  He also gives himself to her completely and tells her that
he loves her, because words mean something to real men.  The actions follow
because the words have meaning and value.

   How does a woman show a man that she loves him?  She cares for him when
he needs it, supports him in his joy or pain, and provides council to help
keep him on track.  She also takes him into herself without guile, knowing
the pleasure and comfort she gives will also sustain her.  She speaks of
her love for him, and her actions give true meaning to the spoken words.

   I took a vow to 'love, honor, and cherish' my wife 'until death do us
part'.  I take my vows seriously, and have never dishonored her by
cheating. Have I broken them because I find it difficult to love and
cherish her as when they were first made?  Does my wife not truly love me,
or perhaps doesn't understand what love is?  What do I do to answer these
questions, and what do I do if an answer never presents itself?

   This is my dilemma.

   Finis

   El Gato

   Please send any comments or constructive criticism to
el_gat09@hotmail.com.  All comments are welcome; flames will be cheerfully
ignored unless I decide to format your hard drive.
   

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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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