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From: Charles Dodgson <chaz_dodgson@yahoo.com>
Subject: {ASSM} CHANGES-j-2 (mf,Mf,fM;nc,con,rom;v,o) [C.Dodgson]
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Date: Fri,  6 May 2005 00:10:05 -0400
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Part 2 of 2.

   As I lay in bed each night, I fantasized what it would be like feeling
Jim push himself inside me.  Although I wanted him, I couldn't get rid of
the memory of the pain.  While the influence of that negative experience
remained constant, my desire for Jim grew daily.  Finally, I decided that
tomorrow was the day.  In spite of the chance that he would hurt me, I had
to have Jim.  This was irrational because I knew that he would never do
anything to cause me pain.  But I couldn't shake the feeling of fear.

   His door was unlocked, but my hand stopped as it rotated the knob half
way.  This is what everything was leading toward, and everything had been
so wonderful until now.  What if the pain were still there?  Even if there
was no pain, what if the pleasure was less than Jim had given me already?
What if I really didn't like that kind of sex?  I twisted the knob hard and
shoved the door open.  I couldn't put it off any longer because I had to
get the answers to all my questions even if I didn't like what I learned.

   Jim was sitting at his work bench with an automatic sprinkler valve
dismantled in front of him.  "Hi, Lisa.  I'm replacing the gaskets in this
unit, but it can wait." I followed him to the kitchen sink where he washed
his hands.  As he leaned forward, I put my arms around him and hugged him
tightly.  He grabbed a towel and wiped his hands as he turned around.

   "Today's the day, Jim," I said.  "I want you to make love to me the
regular way."

   "You're sure?  You know, we don't have to.  If you have any qualms we
can wait until you feel completely comfortable."

   "If we wait for that, we'll never do it.  No, it has to be today.  I
have to find out how I handle it."

   We went into his bedroom and I started to get undressed.  Jim stopped,
held me in his arms and kissed me softly.  He said, "You set the pace,
dearest.  I won't do anything unless you tell me in words or actions.  Any
time you feel tense or think we should slow down or stop, tell me
immediately and I'll do whatever you want."

   "OK.  Then I think I'll undress you first." I slowly unbuttoned his
shirt kissing his chest as I went.  He helped me slip it off as I unbuckled
his belt, undid the button at the top of his pants and zipped his fly down.
As I slid his pants down, I made sure I left his jockey shorts in place. 
He stepped out of his pants and I picked them up, folded them, draped them
over the back of a chair and then put his shirt on top of them.  Now I
knelt before Jim and caressed his legs from his hips to his feet.  Finally,
I carefully pulled his underpants down.  As his erect penis popped up from
the underpants, I gently kissed its beautiful head.  "You can lie on the
bed, Jim."

   When he was down, I did a sexy dance and tried to do a strip tease the
way I'd seen on television.  Either I wasn't very good at copying them, or
they didn't do it correctly on TV because Jim started laughing.  "Lisa, you
crack me up; always something new." As I started to laugh with him, I felt
most of my tension drain away.  Jim always knew when something wasn't quite
right, and he knew how to put me at ease.

   I hopped on top of him and said, "Oh, you.  I was trying to be so sexy
and you just laughed at me.  I'll fix you for that." I started tickling
him. He tried to escape and finally started to tickle in return.  We were
both laughing and rolling all over his bed.  Our mouths joined, we calmed
down and held each other close.  My tongue slid over his lips, between his
teeth and along the top of his tongue far into his mouth.  We kept petting,
loving and caressing each other more and more enthusiastically.  He started
to move down but I grabbed his hair, pulled him up and gasped, "I want you
inside me."

   I held him and rolled over so he was on his back and I was on top of
him. His erection was pressing against my stomach so I opened my legs and
moved up.  Then I reached down and slid the head of his penis between my
labia and along the opening of my vagina.  I held it there as I lowered
myself over him.  He had told me of the need for lubrication, so with each
thrust I slid him inside me a quarter of an inch more.  That way, he kept
picking up more of my lubricating fluid on the shaft of his penis.  How
could Jim's penetration of my vagina feel so wonderful and Anthony's feel
so horrible?  They were the same physical motion yet they were extreme
opposites emotionally.  Anthony radiated only anger and gave me only pain.
Jim radiated love and warmth and gave me ecstasy.  My whole body shuddered
as he went deep inside me.  It was as if we were becoming one person.  I
loved him, I wanted him to push as far in as he could and I wanted us to be
completely joined.

   Jim's eyes were open, and he was looking intently at me.  He smiled, and
I bent forward and kissed his beautiful mouth.  "You told me it felt good,
but I couldn't imagine just how much I'd enjoy being connected with you. 
You feel so wonderful moving inside me, and I love enveloping and cradling
you." I kissed him again, and our tongues explored deeply inside each
other's mouths.  Our eyes were locked together as I continued to drive his
shaft in and out of me.  Gradually I increased the speed and force of my
strokes.  My body was doing this without any conscious direction by me.  My
mind was just enjoying what we were doing without having to make any
decisions.

   I was pumping furiously, trying to ram him as far inside me as possible,
then I felt his penis harden more and swell as it began to pulse.  I knew
what was happening and it triggered a second, even better orgasm, as I
clamped around his shaft to feel every ripple and spasm.  Then, at the
deepest parts of my vagina, I felt a sudden warmth and additional
slipperiness.  Now I had gone into my third orgasm and it wasn't stopping.
As I kept pumping and squeezing, Jim's body finally relaxed and his penis
softened.  That was different but just as wonderful, so I held it even
tighter and moved up and down.  It was shrinking and even that felt great,
because I knew I had given him pleasure as he had given me ecstasy.  I just
hoped he had as much joy as I had.

   When I finally sank down and lay on his chest, I was aware of his arms
holding me tightly to him, the feel of his white fur warming and tickling
my breasts.  Now this was what love was all about.  He bent forward and
softly kissed my forehead.

   We lay connected for over an hour more, just talking and stroking each
other.  I would have married him in an instant if he had asked me.  Shortly
before my mother would arrive home, we reluctantly separated and got up. 
"You're not bad for an old guy," I giggled.

   "Well, you're pretty damned good for an amateur, kid.  I don't know if
it's a failing memory, but I can't remember any other woman who gave me as
much pleasure as you just did."

   We repeated having sex this way every school day for a month.  Mondays
were particularly violent because of all the energy I had built up not
having Jim for the two day weekends.  Strangely, my grades which were
already very good became even better.  It didn't seem as if my feet ever
touched ground at school.  One older teacher asked, "Lisa, do you have a
boyfriend out of school?" I said I did, and asked why she asked.

   "Because you're so radiant, yet I never see you with any particular boy
around here.  You look as if you're in love." She was right, and I told her
so.  "That's wonderful.  My only advice is take precautions, and try to not
let it interfere too much with your schoolwork." She was a good teacher and
a nice old lady, but I had never expected this kind of comment from her.

   I laughed and said, "I have and I haven't.  I feel so wonderful that I
don't need anyone's approval, but your understanding makes me feel even
better."

   That day, as Jim and I began, I said, "I think it's time to expand our
horizons.  How would you like me to do oral on you?"

   "I'd love you to, but we've both forgotten the initial reason for our
involvement.  We were trying to overcome your reluctance to have sex
because of your early experience.  In case you haven't noticed, you don't
seem to be reluctant anymore.  I think it's time we phase out our sexual
activities so you can find someone in your own age group.  Selfishly, I'd
never want us to stop, but I know that's not in your best interests."

   Nothing I could say would convince Jim that we should continue.  He
remained my best friend, and we discussed just about every subject either
of us thought was important.  We just no longer had sex.  I went out with a
few guys, but they were boring.  Either they talked interminably without
ever listening, or they could only think about satisfying their libido, or
both.

   After I graduated, my mother sent me back to my grandparents' farm in
South Dakota for a vacation.  I couldn't think of anything a
sixteen-year-old city girl would enjoy more than spending the summer she
graduated from high school out in the middle of nowhere slogging around in
cow manure.  In addition, the farm boys who lived in the area certainly
helped make the guys from my high school look a lot better.

   Finally, I came back home.  Jim and I were overjoyed to see each other,
but he still wouldn't change his mind.  He could be so infuriating.

   Since I had been accepted as a Psychology major to the local state
university, I went there to register and sign up for classes.  It didn't
take long for me to settle into the routine of college.  During my two-hour
break between English and Chemistry I usually sat at a bench under some
trees and studied.  One day I looked up and saw someone walking by.  He
glanced furtively at me, and I realized it was Anthony.  He walked much
differently than I remembered.  Instead of the upright confident stride, he
almost shuffled, and he looked down as he walked rather than straight
ahead. I didn't say anything, but I watched as he went toward the large
Chemistry lecture hall.  It was about time for my class so I walked in the
same direction.  I usually sat down near the front so I hadn't paid any
attention to the people in the back.  As I walked in, I saw Anthony sitting
way to the side and in almost the last row.

   I was curious to see what he looked like up close, so after class I
quickly ran up the stairs of the aisle and walked out just as he was
leaving.  He tried to speed up and go in a different direction as soon as
we got outside.  Since I couldn't follow him without it being obvious, I
decided to sit near the back on the other side for the next lecture.

   This time, he got up and left about two minutes before the end of class.
Now I was determined to see him up close.  The next lecture we couldn't get
inside the room before class because another class was taking a test. 
Anthony was standing near a group, so I ambled toward it.  He was by
himself, but I figured if I aimed for the group he wouldn't leave.  I was
wrong.  As soon as he saw me, he turned and left.  He never came back to
class that day.  This was getting frustrating.

   The next week we had a test so I couldn't do anything.  The class after
that I stayed out by my tree until the Chemistry lecture had just begun. 
Then I walked into the hall, went down to the row Anthony was sitting in
and found a seat.  He was against the side wall and I was about six seats
away from him.  I could tell he was agitated all during the lecture.  The
moment it ended, he hopped up over his seat and climbed two more rows until
he could get away.  He reminded me of nothing so much as a scared deer
trying to escape.

   Next class I watched from a distance until he showed up.  He looked
around then went in.  I immediately followed him, chose the same aisle and
sat beside him.  "Hello, Anthony.  When I saw you in this class, I thought
I'd say 'Hello'."

   "Hello, Lisa.  Please don't follow me.  I just can't take having you
torment me this way." Tears started to well up in his eyes.

   "I'm sorry if I bothered you, but I wasn't trying to torment you.  I was
just wondering how you were doing, and thought I'd ask."

   "Look, you don't have to do that.  What I did was terrible, and you
don't have to make believe that you forgive me.  I can't forgive myself so
I know what everyone else must think of me."

   "Anthony, I agree that you did something vicious and cruel, but you did
publish the letter.  And you stayed at the school even though you were an
outcast.  You could have tried to avoid sending the letter to the paper, or
you could have changed schools.  Although your punishment wasn't as
suddenly terrifying or painful, it's lasted for years.  You seem to be a
much different person from what you were before the rape.  I'm no longer a
frightened little girl so it doesn't bother me to talk with you.  I was
curious to know what you're doing now.  As I recall, you had planned to be
a lawyer working with your father's real estate company.  Are you still
aiming toward that?"

   "No.  While I still want to be a lawyer, I'm not interested in real
estate.  The Woman's Crisis Center needed someone to do paralegal work so I
volunteered.  The more I learned about how often what I did happens to
girls and women in some form or other, the more I realized the need to
educate against and prosecute this behavior.  I plan to keep doing work
helping rape and sexual harassment victims for the rest of my life."

   The seats around us started to fill up so I said, "My, you really have
changed.  Would you like to have coffee with me after class so we could
talk about it?  I've worked through all my anger and fear quite awhile ago
so I don't hate you.  It's easy to know what changed your behavior, but I'd
like to understand the process you went through that changed your beliefs
so radically.  We could meet at the student union building cafeteria
tomorrow at 2:00." At first he demurred, but I insisted.

   "OK, but why are you interested?"

   "Apparently that one event has shaped both our lives significantly.  I
plan to be a counselor for abused women, and I'm a Psychology major.  I'll
see you there." The lecture began so we couldn't continue talking.

   I sat in the cafeteria waiting for Tony.  At 2:30 he finally walked in.
"I wasn't sure I should come, but you're so persistent I figured I may as
well get it over now."

   We sat and talked for two hours, but we never discussed the event that
had linked us so strongly together.  Most of our conversation was about
school and our classes.  Each of us was getting a strong "B" in Chemistry,
but we both wanted to get an "A." I suggested that we might both benefit if
we studied together.  Anthony appeared to be uncomfortable with this idea,
but I pressed it.  He finally gave in, and agreed to meet me and study at
the library.

   We prepared for the next test together, and we both got a high "A." I
was stronger in the math and equations while he understood the text better
than I did, so we complemented each other.  I suggested that he come to my
place so we could study on Sundays.  He knew I still lived with my mother
in the same apartment building.  He turned a little pale and said he didn't
think it was a good idea.  I said, "If you hope to put the event behind
yourself and get on with your life you'll have to let go of the emotions
that tie you to it.  It's just a building, not the things that happened in
it."

   "Oh no, the thought of going there is bad enough, but the possibility
that I'd run into that maintenance man makes it out of the question."
Somehow we had exchanged levels of dominance since our first encounters
four years ago.  Probably my time with Jim had given me much more strength
and confidence, but much of it was from living through, surviving and
overcoming the rape.  Anthony, conversely, had lost all his self-confidence
and dominance.  It didn't take me long to overpower him.  He agreed
uncertainly, but he did come to my apartment.

   I had kept Jim informed of my conversations with Anthony.  At first, he
thought it might be a bad idea, but finally he said, "That's fascinating.
That situation would normally be extremely destructive to you and
satisfying to his ego.  However, you became much stronger, and he became
much weaker.  It's not usual, but it's the way things should be." When I
told him about bringing Anthony home, he agreed to stay out of sight.

   After we both aced the second test, I suggested that we go to a movie to
celebrate.  As usual, Anthony was uncertain, but he said, "If you're asking
me out on a date, does that mean you pay for the tickets?"

   I laughed, both because it was funny in that situation and because it
was the first time he had shown even a tiny bit of his old sparkle.  "We'll
go Dutch so neither of us feels obligated."

   "Well, if you want to come over to my apartment before the movie, I can
cook us dinner."

   "I didn't know you could cook, Anthony, but I'd like that" I said.

   His culinary skill was quite impressive.  "Where did you learn to cook
like that?  The whole meal is delicious.  You're a real gourmet chef," I
commented.

   "I never go out, and I got tired of microwave meals so I started
watching the cooking shows on television like the Frugal Gourmet.  After
that I bought some good cook books, especially all of his, and have been
experimenting ever since.  Next time, I'll cook a Chinese meal, Szechwan
style."

   Because I didn't want to burden him with strong emotional situations, I
chose a light comedy for the movie.  We both enjoyed it, and as I drove him
back to his apartment he said, "Lisa, I don't know how to thank you.  I
haven't had this much fun or been this happy in a long time."

   We both got "A"s in our first semester chemistry class and started our
second semester of general chemistry.  We developed the dinner and movie as
a ritual to celebrate after we took each test.  The third time, Anthony
asked if I'd like to come in for coffee and dessert after the movie.  I
accepted and sat and talked for quite a while.  Still, we never mentioned
the events of four years ago.  As I got up do leave, he walked me to the
door.  I turned and said, "I really like you, Anthony.  You're a lot of fun
to be with." Then I kissed him lightly and walked out the door.

   The kiss at the end of the fourth evening was more protracted and a bit
passionate.  We continued studying together but we didn't do anything at
those times.  A few weeks later, after the fifth test we had taken
together, and after he had cooked dinner, I reached over as we sat on the
couch and pulled him toward me.  We began kissing and holding each other.
As we got more passionate, Anthony suddenly pulled away.  "Oh God.  What am
I doing?" His eyes were wide, and he looked almost terrified.

   "What's bothering you?" I asked.

   "I'm getting aroused and thinking sexual thoughts.  I didn't think I'd
ever do that again, and I don't want to take any chance of messing up our
relationship.  We both remember what I did last time, and I'm afraid of
doing the same horrible things now."

   "Do you think you're going to rape me?"

   "NO!  But I'm thinking of sex and I don't want to."

   "This isn't the same situation.  I'm in control, and I'm setting the
pace.  If you really want to stop, we can, but this time we're progressing
because we both want to move in that direction."

   "What do you mean?" Anthony was bright, but I suppose his traumatic
experiences earlier had made him obtuse on this subject.

   "I've decided I want to make love with you.  Notice that I didn't say
'have sex.' That's involved but there's a great deal more than just that.
Are you willing to try?"

   "Look, Lisa.  I've grown to love you over the last six months, but after
what I did to you when you were a little girl, I couldn't possibly do it
again."

   "Anthony, you have a real problem that you have to overcome.  The sex
involved in rape isn't even close to the sex involved in making love. 
Don't worry.  I'll never let anyone rape me again, but what we're going to
do is something entirely different and wonderful.  You learned what not to
do four years ago, but you never learned what you were supposed to do.  I'm
going to teach you now.  Are you willing?"

   "I doubt that I could even get an erection, Lisa."

   "Well, we'll worry about that later." I pulled him close to me, said,
"Put your arms around me," and we started kissing again.  We got up, I took
his hand, and led him into the bedroom.  When we were by the bed, I
undressed him while I remained completely clothed.  He stood there, naked
and obviously embarrassed.  I noticed that I was enjoying his discomfort.
Apparently I still had a bit of residual anger.  When I realized this, I
felt it dissipating.

   "You do have a beautiful body, Anthony," I said, as I ran my fingers
down his arms and chest.  He had lost any erection he may have had earlier,
but my caressing was having some effect.  "Unbutton my blouse, Anthony,
then fold it over the top of the chair."

   "Slip off my shoes, and put them under the chair." After he did this, I
had him unbuckle my belt, unbutton my jeans, take them off, and carefully
fold them over the back of the chair.  I took my bra and panties off
myself, and tossed them at the chair.

   I was confident, I was in control, yet I still had qualms.  As I took
him in my arms, I felt him trembling.  He was much more uncertain than I
was.

   Anthony looked as if he wanted to be anyplace but here.  He backed up a
bit as I moved toward him, but I reached out, grabbed his arm and pulled
him toward me.  His arms remained by his side so I lifted them and put them
around me.  The feel of his strong, naked, lean body pressed against mine
was more arousing than I could have imagined.  Jim was probably right to
have stopped having sex with me.  If we had kept up, I wouldn't have had
the drive to find someone else.  Now, I certainly had the drive.  I needed
with every part of me to join with Anthony.

   We began to kiss, and I caressed his muscular back.  "You're allowed to
move your hands, Anthony" I said.  "You can stroke and pet me." He ran his
fingers along my back and arms very softly and tentatively.  My sexual
tension mounted as we continued kissing and caressing while we stood there.
After about ten minutes I was thoroughly aroused, but it was apparent that
Anthony wasn't going to start any action.

   I twisted so I could sink to the bed and pull him with me.  As I touched
the covers, I rolled over so he was on his back and I was on top of him. 
His legs were together so I pushed one knee between them to force them
apart.  Next, I pushed my other knee in so he was spread wide.  I opened my
legs slightly, reached down and moved his erection from between our
abdomens to between my legs so that it pressed against my vulva.  Then I
clamped my legs shut.

   "We can't do this, Lisa, because I don't have any condoms, and I don't
want to take the chance of getting you pregnant." The thought flashed into
my mind, 'You weren't worried about that four years ago', then I banished
it.

   "Silly.  Do you think I'd do this without precautions?  I started on the
pill three months ago in preparation for tonight.  And, from what I know
about your celibacy, I don't have to worry about a sexually transmitted
disease," I said.  He opened his mouth to voice another objection, but I
covered it with my lips and pushed my tongue between his teeth.  His body
sagged in resignation.

   Anthony had gone soft and started to shrink, but as I continued to kiss
and caress him, he began to respond.  I repeated how beautiful he was, how
I loved his cute sense of humor and his thoughtfulness.  As I kissed his
mouth, his cheeks, his ears and moved to his neck, I saw he was visibly
affected.  His body trembled as I stroked his chest.  My lips and tongue
moved slowly down, tickling and licking as I went.  I took my time because
I wanted Anthony to be more aroused than he thought possible.  When I
reached his hips, I slid my tongue along the crease where his leg joined
his abdomen, down along the inside of his right thigh almost to his knee.
Then I moved to his left leg and traced up his body following the mirror
image of the path down.  While I was very close to his genitalia, I never
touched them.

   I had been at this for at least thirty minutes and, from his breathing
and involuntary movements, I could tell he couldn't take much more of it.
Although Anthony reciprocated, he didn't start anything.  The dynamics
between us and the roles both of us assumed exhilarated me far more than I
expected.  While I knew our goal, I didn't want to consummate it any sooner
than I had to, because I was enjoying this so much.  Anthony was writhing
with pleasure, desire, and need, but I would decide when and how his
release would come.

   I rolled on top, straddled him, kneeled, took his hands and put them on
my breasts.  "Oh, Lisa, I love you so much," he said as he softly stroked
my nipples, "I want to be with you forever."

   I reached down, moved the head of his almost brittle erection and slid
it along my vulva where I used it to stroke my clitoris.  As I moved
forward and slightly down, the mouth of my vagina enveloped just the tip of
the head of his penis.  Then I let go, rose a little and sat back on his
legs.  His shaft continued to stand rigidly by itself and twitched
periodically.  Lightly I ran my fingertips along the sides of his legs up
to his abdomen and caressed him.  He looked pleadingly at me.

   I smiled and almost said, 'You've always been in too much of a hurry,
Anthony.  You have to learn to appreciate foreplay.' No sooner had I
thought that, when I realized I was still punishing him.  This was crazy.
He had already paid dearly, and he was no longer the person he was four
years ago.  I knew that I loved this Anthony.  The Anthony I hated had
ceased to exist.

   "You're right, dearest," I whispered as I repositioned myself above him
and lowered onto him.  My vagina had not had a penis in it for two years,
and it had contracted from disuse.  This made no difference because the
amount of lubrication made penetration easy, and my arousal numbed me to
any over-stretching that may have happened.  He ejaculated in about four
seconds, but it wasn't premature, because he started two seconds after I
did.  I kept moving as our orgasms continued.  Finally, I dropped forward
onto his chest and we held each other.  The force of our release had been
so strong, neither of us could talk nor even kiss.  We lay there, savoring
our contact for a while.

   That night I didn't go home.  Although Jim had never let me practice
oral on him, I made up the technique as I went along.  Jim had, however,
let me know the sensation of his consummate skill at doing oral to me.  I
told Anthony what to do and how to do it.  He wasn't as good as Jim yet,
but he was a fast learner and enthusiastic.  We got no sleep until about
seven in the morning.  In the middle of the afternoon we awoke, had
breakfast, showered, and went back to bed.  Jim had just taught me the
basics, but I'd read voraciously.  Anthony complied with everything I told
him we were going to do.  Saturday night we slept on and off, mixing it
with making love.  We had sex at the same time, but even more important
than the sex was our holding and petting each other and talking with each
other.  We flowed together as if we were one person.  I went home,
reluctantly, Sunday afternoon, and a few weeks later we moved in together.

   We didn't get married until I had my bachelors' degree and Anthony was
well on his way to his law degree.  After that, I got a PhD in Psychology.
It's interesting that Anthony still works for the Woman's Center as a
lawyer, and makes a small salary.  I wrote a book on how our lives can
change, which became a best seller.  Now I have a call-in radio show, have
written six more books, and get a large fee for speaking at seminars and
conventions.  Anthony does most of the cooking, and takes care of the
children.  Other than the fact that I wish Anthony were a little more
assertive sexually, we have a wonderful life.

   The End.

   ===

   This fictional story is (c) Copyright 1996 by C.  Dodgson.  ALL Rights
Reserved.  It may not be reproduced in any form for profit including use by
membership for fee Internet sites without the written permission of the
author.  It may be distributed or archived provided that there are no
charges and this warning notice is attached and the story is not changed or
abridged.  To comment send e-mail to chaz_dodgson at yahoo dot com.

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