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Message-ID: <50851asstr$1112267401@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Frank McCoy <mccoyf@millcomm.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Dear Diary ....
Lines: 136
Date: Thu, 31 Mar 2005 06:10:01 -0500
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

Unabashedly stolen from somebody who stole it from somebody else, who
was emailed it because it was funny, who got it from who knows ....

It ain't mine; but I think it deserves posting to the stories
newsgroups.  It's already making the rounds of the net in email and
other newsgroups, so why not here?

Wish I knew who the author was, to thank her ... or him, as the case
might be.


   ================================================

Dear Diary,

We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary with not much to
celebrate.  When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked
himself in the bathroom and cried.


Day 2

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me.  He's impotent, he
says,and he wants me to be the first to know.  Why doesn't he tell me
something don't know!  I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.


Day 3

This marriage is in trouble.  A woman has needs.  Something must change 
soon.

 
Day 4

A miracle has happened!  There's a new drug on the market that will fix
his "problem". It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes
Viagra,things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think
this will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills,
hoping to lift something other than his mood.


Day 5

What absolute bliss!!

 
Day 6

Isn't life wonderful.  But it's difficult to write while he's exercising
his new found MANHOOD.

 
Day 7

This Viagra thing has gone to his head.  No pun intended!

Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper.
He thought they were talking about him.  But, I have to admit it's very
nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.

 
Day 8

I think he took too many over the weekend.  Yesterday, instead of mowing
the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker.  I'm also
getting a bit sore.

 
Day 9

No time to write. He might catch me.

 
Day 10

Okay, I admit it: I'm hiding.  I mean, a girl can only take so much and
to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with Jack Daniels
whisky!  What am I going to do?  I feel tacky all over....

 
Day 11

I'm basically being screwed to death.  It's like living with a Black and
Decker drill.  I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed.  Even my
armpits hurt.  He's a complete PIG.

 
Day 12

I wish he was gay.  I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or
even washing; but he still keeps coming after me!  Even yawning has
become dangerous...

 
Day 13

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack!  It's like going to
bed with a scud missile.  I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops,
sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.

 
Day 14

I've done everything to turn him off.  Nothing is working.  I even
started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier.
Help me!

 
Day 15

I think I'll have to kill him.  I'm starting to stick to everything I
sit on.  The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come
over any more.  Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.

 
Day 16

The bastard has started to complain about not getting enough.  I hope
the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the
Viagra and going back on Prozac.

 
Day 17

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference ...
Christ!  Here he comes again!

 
Day 18

Aaaahhhh!  He's back on Prozac.  The lazy bastard just sits there in
front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects
me to do everything for him.

What absolute bliss!

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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