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From: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} A research journey in Baja California
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Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2004 07:10:02 -0400
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A RESEARCH JOURNEY TO BAJA CALIFORNIA


Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
 From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
 From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

-- Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Prologue


Since this is expected to the be last in this series of essays, in order to
put into context my trip report for an inspection visit to Baja, I will
recap the gist of my prior essays on my childhood, my puberty and my early
sex.

Mom's -- and Mom's Friend's -- views towards sex were shaped by years in
Moses David's Children of God, and by their time spent flirty fishing. The
CoG was an evolving sect, and Mom's philosophy and her theology continued to
evolve, always affirming David Berg's insistence that at least from the
moment of awareness of puberty, every boy and girl had a right, indeed a
divine vocation, for sex. And that while love was fine and good, sex could
easily be independent of commitment. I think, in retrospect, of Mom's
admiration for Louis Abolafia and that picture of Louis and his girl of the
moment.
http://www.spectator.net/EDIMAGES/exotic/ex1.jpeg
Mom used to say that Louis had about as nice a penis as a boy could have or
a girl could want, and I guess she was right. It would have been a nice
Presidential penis (Louis ran for president as the Nude Party candidate
http://tinyurl.com/5ga36 )

Mom and her like-minded friends were products of the 1960s commune and
free-sex movements. They wanted to raise their own kids to live out the
memory, or the fantasy, of those years. Although they lived quite regular
lives (apart from their progressive sex and child raising practices) they
would go on to raise kids who, while sexually aware and advanced, were also
well adjusted, intellectually curious and educationally and professionally
reasonably successful. In the course of writing this autobiographic series,
however, I have come to realize the most important difference between us and
the mainstream: My girlfriends and I always knew that, when we reached our
teen years, we would love taking penises in our mouths and that those
penises would ejaculate semen, which we would enjoy. And, of course, that
those penises would also go into our vaginas, and that semen in our vaginas
could make us pregnant, and so on. The boys we played with always knew that,
when their penises got big, they would want to kiss and lick girls' vaginas,
and that they would put those penises in our mouths and vaginas and give us
semen and make us very happy. This information did not give us much pause;
we simply took it for granted that this is what girls who have breasts and
pubic hair love to do. Mainstream little kids do not know that; mainstream
teens have to work out for themselves, based on suppressive, perverted
social "norms", what they can and can't, or should and shouldn't do.

Our moms talked incessantly in our presence about sex, about climax, about
semen; and about puberty and the uselessness and ungodliness of virginity.
They had sex in our presence (i.e., "open door") and made us aware that oral
sex is a fundamental and essential part of foreplay. They had added rules to
Moses Berg's "Mo letter" dictates: that sex must be if not spontaneous then
consensual; that it must be between peers, i.e., adolescents of the same
age; that there must be mutual respect; that the girl must be in effective
control and her opportunity for orgasm was paramount. They saw evil in the
conventional rules enforcing modesty, embarrassment, secrecy, chastity,
virginity. For this reason there was frequent nudity. For teens there were
nude dances, there were close relationships with other alumnae of the CoG,
with other like-minded single parents, communes, even families. Ejaculation
was their Holy Communion; the erect penis the organ of God; orgasm His
presence, and the sharing of bodily fluids -- the giving and receiving of
semen -- the sharing of the Holy Spirit itself. First sex was First
Communion. And always: they saw to it that boys were conditioned to treat
girls as equals; to respect them as sexual equals; to absolutely, positively
give priority to and take satisfaction from bringing a girl to orgasm. The
test, as I see it: if a girl will take her boy's penis into her mouth
post-coitus and treasure the its traces, its coating, of his and her
liquids, will the boy kiss her vagina then and there, and not cringe from
the scent and taste of his own semen?

Surprised as outsiders may be when I have described the practice, the notion
of a defloration or coming-out party -- a celebration of a girl's denial of
meaning to virginity and a public display of affection and love of penis
before family and friends -- seemed perfectly natural and inevitable to us.
(Admittedly, it required too much planning and bother for most girls to
bother with, but that's a separate issue.) I have to say that I mention them
often regardless of their rarity because they are of symbolic and
philosophical importance in proving the irrelevance of virginity. They also
demonstrated, and were dependent upon, the intrinsic beauty of the vagina
and the penis. The events were female-driven, mother-driven, and hence safe.
The boy presenting his penis to the new girl -- who might be 13 or, rarely,
a precocious 12; or he might be 14 or perhaps 15 -- might have had sex
before or he might not. But both boy and girl would inevitably have seen
other teens at our place flirting, touching, embracing and exchanging bodily
fluids, even if only in the days running up the event. For the girl, the
time it took to cycle birth control pills meant that she had plenty of time
for second thoughts. Almost certainly the girl and perhaps the boy would
have been staying with us for a week or more, maybe during one of the
vacation weeks when we hosted a few like-minded kids from out of town, as a
sort of teen camp. As for it being safe: some people are surprised that so
many doctors cooperate with cults and sects and communes in matters of sex.
Those of us who have been involved can only surmise that lots of men, and a
few women, go into the profession because of their interest in cults and
sex. Anyway, we had a (single mom) female doctor whose son and daughter were
over all the time, and who were as sexy as can be, teasing, flirting and
having sex in tandem. So there you are. (The doctor occasionally pierced
girls' hymens for them and although a lot of girls didn't want it done, I
think that it's not a bad idea. If the hymen has no symbolic function, why
risk any pain when you have your first joy?)

Becoming sexually active depends upon age, of course -- there is a sudden
awareness on the part of everyone that she, or he, has both capacity and
desire -- but also on opportunity and social approval. Most girls and boys
would talk about their urges. And, unlike mainstream kids, we were not told
to "wait until you're mature"; rather, we were shown the biological facts
and explained that when our sex parts grew and we felt the attraction we
would naturally come together and kiss each others sex parts and make each
other very happy, and make semen flow from boy to girl. (Note the "kiss each
others sex parts", said so matter of factly, taken for granted.) And, when
we were ready we should speak up and we could do it at a party, playing with
a penis and having great fun. But we had to have pubic hair first.
("Playing", of course, related well to the vocabulary of little girls. The
inclusion of "pubic hair" provided an excuse to show and explain male and
female anatomy, how they change at puberty, and perhaps how a penis gets
erect and how semen comes out of it. The confusion in the minds of little
children between urination and ejaculation, Mom's Friend had found, was best
cleared up at the youngest age.) Mom and Mom's Friend insisted that sexual
learning aptitude, like language learning ability, faded as puberty ended,
so early learning and sex soon after puberty were important.

The girl would have had, usually, more than a month to prepare for the
event, to take birth control pills, to read "The Joy of Sex", to ask
questions. During the days she stayed at Mom's Friend's she could see the
penises and vaginas of other teens at play. And on the appointed day she
would be seated nude on a bed, with a couple of girlfriends and their boys
for the day nearby, and her own mother or sister there for support. And the
boy, escorted by his mother or perhaps an older sister, would approach her
tentatively and, in due course his penis would be inside her. The few
occasions when I helped arrange attended, such a "coming out party" were
touching and delightful. Anticipation -- by boy and girl and by family and
friends -- was palpable.

It was easy, of course, for girls to make the move to become sexually active
-- gradually or all at once -- when they lived, visited often or were
vacationing with us. Sometimes girls from the outside were brought in by
mothers (in despair?) following a purported threat to have sex "with anyone"
"just to see what it is like". These were usually older girls, 15 or 16.
Within a certain circle, Mom's Friend was known as an advisor and confidante
on handling sexy young teenage girls. "Wild", uncontrollable, chaotic girls
she would have to turn away, but nice girls were always welcome. As, were
their brothers, which would be another reason for them for the girls come:
I've written before and will say more below, on the interest and familial
love that moms and sisters have for their sons' and brothers' penises, and
their natural eagerness to know everything in the most intimate detail of
their boys' lovemaking. Only (mainly, anyway) at our place could such
fantasies be realized. Only among us did and boys so unashamedly and
unhesitatingly show off their ejaculations. Or girls so smilingly and
proudly the semen they had collected on their tongues. It's odd to note that
the notion that such actions could elsewhere be deemed "perverted" never
occurred to us, partly because of the religious connotation we give to sex,
from arousal to orgasm and ejaculation. (If I thought a mother or a sister
was being too intrusive and indiscreet, and that she was watching too
critically what I was doing to her boy's penis, I might go to the extreme of
slowly licking the underside of the penis just below the corona in a
circular motion, forever. It can take a half-hour for a boy to ejaculate
that way, and when he does there will be a huge gush of semen and tremors
will spread throughout his body. It puts on a terrific show, and meanwhile
the mother or sister, however uninformed and doubtful she is about the
technique, will have been hypnotized by the tongue motions, and the boy
captivated (or, more likely, made impatient) by the slowness of his approach
to orgasm. It takes some quick movement, and some luck, to capture the
spurts of semen, but if the girl has positioned the penis carefully it will
fall back onto the penis and her hand, and she can lick it off.)

Aside from that issue of curiosity and voyeurism, mothers of these kids knew
that sex wasn't bad per se, but that indiscriminate sex was harmful,
dangerous. Those of them who shared our belief that there is a sacred side
to romance and sex, quite apart from love and permanent commitment,
understood that -- as happened with the "flirty fishers" of the CoG --
nonbelievers could and would take advantage, and see such beliefs as
superstitious weakness and serendipitous vulnerability. With us, first sex
had to be safe sex: parentally approved, and chaperoned. (By the way, while
early sex won't entirely banish later dysfunction I think it goes some way
to minimize it. It certainly raises the confidence level; and recent reports
are that for men repeated sex from an early age reduces the risk of prostate
problems.)

After their first sex, kids were pretty much on their own to pair off,
except at dance parties where we did the pairing by default. Those who think
that all kids had sex every day misunderstand my essays and their message,
however. Some boys and girls did; I think twice a week was average for the
most active. For me, when I was at Community College, however, once a week
was probably more accurate because I knew I would need a scholarship to go
on to State University, and I had to take my studies seriously. Frequency of
sex for us, as for everyone, depended upon opportunity, receptivity and
time; we had the first two in plenty, but no more time than the average
teen. What others needed that we didn't, of course, was privacy;
contrariwise, with us any given time there might be a couple in some state
of flirting or sexual union -- and arousal is contagious. But apart from the
drama of a coming-out, girls do demand romantic engagement; it takes time to
flirt and arouse and on most school days that would be unavailable. For kids
with the time and the inclination, however, our basement and our backyard
served as meeting places year 'round. Not, I hasten to add, a "meat market"
but a meeting place, especially at certain times and seasons when
non-residents were more numerous, for nude and sexy teens. So much of what I
have been writing, and will write here, concerns the protocol either at our
occasional defloration parties, at our dance parties, or at our vacation
camps, when visiting kids, virgins or not, boarded for a week or two. In all
of those cases the point was, somewhat like the "Harrad Experiment" to
introduce kids to sex in a structured way, to enable them to get the most
from their bodies. And to watch and keep them safe. In the process, however,
one couldn't help concentrating on the penis, and the new boy, at least at
first. As Mom's Friend told every girl, to take charge of a boy's penis is
to take charge of the boy. So long as a boy's penis is in your mouth, you
own him. Judge a boy by the way he handles his penis (and, implicitly, your
vagina): this reflects on his character and on his worth. When a girl was
put in our charge for her first sex experience, even though her mom would
usually be there on the day we were in loco parentis. We helped select and
we would monitor the penis that would deflower her. The boy had to be
attractive, personable, memorable; his penis gentle and responsive, not
intimidating. There is a certain quality to the ideal boy. Though shy, if he
sees you looking at his penis he will turn his hips your way and smile
sweetly, showing his pride and offering his love. This is how flirting could
begin. One tried to sense whether he (if a virgin, which many debutante
girls preferred) already knew our protocol, our rule: unlike the situation
facing virtually any girl or any bride on her first intercourse in
mainstream life, we virtually guaranteed every girl an orgasm her first time
and most times thereafter.

If it was a defloration party, the event was anyway structured: the girl
would occasionally take her boy's penis in her mouth more or less as a sign
of welcome and love and to familiarize herself with it, but the boy had to
bring her to climax with his lips and tongue before his penis would be
allowed to penetrate her vagina. And there were so many joys to remark on;
and in the lead-up to their first embrace, these concerned mainly the boy
and his penis.

Before the event we (I anyway) would watch the boy walk and stare at his
underpants and look at its bulge, at the state of its erection, guess at its
shape and shading and texture and think of the little slit at its top and
what the girl whose party this was would soon make happen. I am reminded,
though, of the Arab driver I once had who insisted to me that the sight of a
completely veiled woman on an Arab street could actually be sexy: on
occasion what is hidden can be sexier than what is flaunted, and that is
indeed true of the penis as much as the body as a whole. It is just so
exciting to see a penis for the first time, to see a boy's briefs lowered;
hence the game that we played so often of bringing a boy-surprise over to
one of our girlfriends so she could pull down his underpants and enjoy her
penis-surprise gift. Such incidents are special exceptions to the flirting
and the slow buildup of emotion and tension that normally precedes a girl
taking the penis into her mouth to make love to and upon and with.

Virtually all the boys we knew were circumcised; in fact Mom's Friend
virtually insisted on it. (I know that at least one boy were circumcised
specifically so he could join our group after his sister was already
involved with us; on the other hand circumcision of a mature penis is a real
operation, and not cheap.) But one always wanted to check: could we see the
outline of the glans through his briefs? Was his penis cute? Was it in
motion and responding to the girl and to us? Did he acknowledge our stares
at his penis with a shy smile? If the boy was 13 or 14 his sponsoring female
-- mother, usually -- might escort him. Older than that and he would enter
alone. I wrote of one time the mother thought she ought to help her son take
off his briefs, and his penis was already quite big and erect and it got
caught in his waistband, and his mom had to release it, and it sprang out
and up, making us all laugh. Well, hadn't his mom cultivated her son and his
penis for 14 years for this very occasion? Didn't she deserve to see and
appreciate his erection and his ejaculation; and to see the vagina of the
girl he would initiate? To see it wet with his, with her, DNA? This would be
her last time to take charge: he was breaking away; she was turning him over
to womankind as, almost, a free agent to make, to share, love. To share his
penis as it grew: in wisdom as in size. I've written how mothers competed to
get their sons on Mom's Friend's list; but there were few coming-out parties
and few sons were called. It wasn't an auction; Mom's Friend's first
obligation, she felt, was to her old friends at the CoG, and then to other
committed mothers, and after that she took kids she thought could benefit
most from a stay with us. She never denied taking into consideration her
opinion about kids' genitals, and the way they carried themselves. When she
hadn't seen them in person, or in the nude, but only in a bathing suit photo
(no nude photos were ever allowed) she'd have to guess. Beyond that, it's
just a fact of human sexuality that there are more males available for
liberal sex than females, so generally Mom's Friend gave priority to a boy
if he had a sister or female cousin or female family friend who also joined
or visited. As you, dear reader, can imagine, this led to many reluctant
girls visiting, but even shy girls have sexual needs and urges, whether they
have come to their notice or not, and our sacred task was to awaken them.

I always found it particularly cute when it was an older sister who escorted
a boy, and even more so when the boy was shy, and perhaps a bit embarrassed
for his sister to be seeing him erect, or even naked. Lots of times a
16-year-old sister would drive a 14-year-old boy over, and she would join in
too. I cannot count the number of times a 16-year-old who thought she knew
"everything" about sex had second thoughts when she learned about oral sex
as foreplay and about our views on her entitlement to orgasm and our belief
that semen represented holy communion. She may well have had sex before, but
more than likely not our style of sex. When she got to see a penis close up,
a penis that she could fondle to her heart's content, play with and love to
bits without the arrogant nonsense boys sometimes put over, she would become
one of us. One girl once described the penis of the boy she met at our place
as "a kitten" that could be "stroked and licked and loved and would give
pleasure forever". Well, not exactly, but the boy did give her semen on
demand. Sisters always want to know about their brothers' development: their
puberty, their first sex. They are always pushing their brothers towards
sex, and of course later the will be in a position to help them find
partners. In fact, sometimes the seduction was staged by one of us at a
sister's behest. Strangely, moms who would never have pressed their kids and
friends' kids to have sex with each other thought nothing of bringing them
to our place to have sex "spontaneously". Of course the environment has
something to do with it. You don't just tell a kid to go off and have sex
with so-and-so because you arranged it with her mom and it's OK.

At a lot of homes, family nudity is unknown; sometimes it happens but is
contrived, as if by accident. In other homes, as in ours, it is welcomed.
Mom's Friend's House was huge, and it had the basement and backyard that
were centers of nudity. The brother-sister thing was a special case, but
whatever their family background, finding themselves together in the nude
somehow seemed to make sense and be natural, even if the two had never seen
each other naked since puberty. At that point why shouldn't a boy appreciate
his sister's breasts for what they are; or a girl her brother's penis? It is
endearing to see a girl fascinated by her brother's penis. One imagined that
its big erection astonished her, yet made her proud. Another boy's penis --
her own lover's -- might be sensual, sexy, desirable, but her brother's
could be no less lovely and fascinating in a non-sexual way, even when that
penis was in the throes of sex, even when it was ejaculating. (I told girls
never to compare and judge penises based solely on appearance, but I'm sure
most paid me no mind, and it's a rule I violated too from time to time.)
It's not incest to appreciate beauty, to admire a brother's handsome body,
any more than a sister should or would be embarrassed by her brother staring
at her breasts, or at his sight of another boy's penis penetrating her and
ejaculating semen into her. And especially her spreading her labia and
exposing her vagina to her lover's kisses and his penis. The source of her
joy should, and usually was, a source of pleasure for him. And vice versa.
As far as I could tell, most (not all) boys seemed interested, proud,
respectful and, indeed, validated, at the sight of a sister savoring and
swallowing another boy's semen. It is, after all, part of the human cycle,
the divine commandment. Oral sex is foreplay; penis in vagina the instrument
of fecundity. "Go forth and multiply." And an intelligent boy should not be
a hypocrite. If he wants nice girls to take his semen in their mouths
happily and without hesitation, he cannot wish otherwise for his sister, or
for that matter for his mother or his daughter.

Fathers generally did not visit for coming-out parties because someone,
perhaps Mom's Friend, had thought that they might feel challenged or
jealous. Later, Rev. Mary said the same thing. But I never saw this actually
happen, and anyway there's no reason to suppose that would be true of
brothers. If a brother and sister came together for a week's vacation or for
a dance party, it could be assumed they had made a commitment to support
each other. And those times when it was a first opportunity for sex for one
or both were a celebration of orgasm and joy; if anything was on a boy's
mind when he saw her making love to a penis besides his sister's pleasure it
would surely be the thought of his own forthcoming lovemaking. The best
solution for any discomfort would be for the boy to hold his own partner
close, to feel her breasts and explore her vagina while his sister carried
on. When once I was with a brother who seemed slightly uncomfortable that
way, I kissed him and began to stroke his penis; and when I saw semen
leaking from his sister's mouth I right away took the brother's penis in
mine and he forgot whatever was troubling him. At that point the tables were
turned and his sister's eyes were drawn to what I was doing. I made sure to
take her brother's penis out of my mouth from time to time to admire and so
she could see it. When he finally ejaculated, I collected as much semen as I
could on my tongue, and with my mouth wide open smiled in her direction.
Then I swallowed the semen and displayed my empty mouth. I think the sister
got so entranced by my act that she forgot her own boy. It was sensuous, and
I think the girl learned from me. I had her brother bring me to climax with
his tongue and put his penis in my vagina. Our sex went on and on and was
delicious, literally and figuratively. By the time we were through, he and
his sister were incapable of embarrassment by such things. We were outdoors
then. It is just the loveliest thing to have gorgeous sex, and then to lie
nude sharing the sight, and occasionally the touch, of each other's body for
hours. My favorite thing would be not to wipe off the traces of semen on my
crotch and his penis, but to let them dry, to bear witness to everybody of
our lovemaking until the day was over. If you take the boy's penis in your
mouth, even hours later, the lovely taste is still there, and you feel that
sexy and romantic taste even before you've done anything.

In the last case, I may have been over-reacting, or reacting to something
that wasn't even there. If any first-sex event, including a coming-out
party, is properly staged, the sibling discomfort issue shouldn't arise. It
is just so endearing to see the girl and boy embrace and caress and kiss,
and the girl play with the boy's penis and then position herself just so,
with her vagina accessible and visible. Retrieve, dear reader, your own
image of a 14-year-old vagina, ready for sex, the girl happy and fearless,
and a boy near her anxious to please. This is why Mom thought that ideally
the girl ought to spread and raise her legs with her vagina just at the end
of the bed and her head raised on pillows and within her field of vision,
and why she said the boy should kneel in front of her, kissing and licking
her and bringing her to climax before standing up with penis poised to
enter. She would be ready and moist, and she would be able to see, and
forever remember the details of her own defloration. As a particular
advantage, the boy's penis would be within her grap as soon as he entered
the room and came close, and she could play with it and kiss and suck it as
much as she liked until she was ready for it to go inside her. The only
trouble was convincing a girl that she should contort herself so for her
first intercourse. Bending her body and stretching out her legs sideways and
upwards can be tiresome. Still, it says something about our child raising
practices and conditioning that girls knew their lower parts were beautiful,
knew that our boys would be anxious to explore and kiss them, and knew that
we would all be delighted to witness the event. Although I have devoted a
lot of words to the subject of the penis, in fact it was the girl who was
the centerpiece of the event and whose breasts were the first objects on
show and vagina its main point. The penis was there for her: to inspect, to
fondle, to kiss and to love, and to use for her own pleasure. And ideally,
the penis would be flaccid when he entered the room so it would be less
obtrusive and the girl could take full credit for having made it erect. It
didn't always work that way, however.

I think I should describe a particular coming-out event, as told to me by
Terrific Girl, who was there and who assisted, because it illustrates better
than any I attended what I have just said. The girl, nude, freshly showered
and lightly made up, sat shyly on the end of a bed in a small room, her legs
together and her vagina hidden, but her cute breasts beckoning. Terrific
Girl and her partner, another friend and her partner, and the two mothers
were there too, the latter looking on with pride. The boy, already naked,
came to the doorway and stood there a moment, scanning the room. It was
daylight. The boy's eyes set upon the seated girl and then focused on her
breasts. Her eyes meanwhile were fixed on his limp and soft penis. Terrific
Girl described the boy's scrotum as "full and round" and she said he had "a
nice batch of pubic hair for a 13 or 14-year old". Lovely. A kind, shy boy
and a really nice penis, with the boy's proud mom sitting silently across
the room. The girl smiled and beckoned him over. The boy's mother said
something about having him sit next to the girl so they could cuddle, but
the girl, not atypically for a 13-year old, wanted to play with his penis
right away and she had the boy just stand in front of her and without much
ado she felt and stroked his penis; and she then cupped his balls with one
hand, tickling and embarrassing him. To silence his laugh she leaned forward
and kissed his penis and popped it into her mouth. She held it firmly
between her lips, moving her head back and forth, making it stiff. The boy
thrust his shoulders back, his hips forward, concentrating on the sensation.
The girl took the penis out of her mouth every few seconds to mark its
progress towards full erection; she inspected the slit at the end, as if
imagining the progress of his semen.

Terrific Girl started to worry about possible premature ejaculation and she
told the girl to stop what she was doing and had her lie back with her head
supported by pillows and her legs akimbo, one girl on each side helping to
hold her legs steady and apart and her vaginal area open to view. Meanwhile,
even though her cute pink vagina was quite visible the girl reached down to
move her labia apart, and she smiled provocatively. The boy stared at
breasts, pubic hair, clitoris, vagina. Nature's hard-wiring and our
conditioning took over: the beauty of the vagina drew him to get close. He
dropped to his knees, his penis still erect, pulsating and swaying. He
replaced the girl's fingers with his own and brought his eyes close to her
vagina. He kissed her there, and ran his tongue up and down and around and
inside. Her mother nodded approvingly. For a minute he passed his tongue in
and out of her vagina, thrusting like a penis. He took all her pink parts
into his mouth and kissed and sucked and caressed very gently and lightly
with his tongue. He ran circles around her clitoris, and began a steady
cycle of caresses with his tongue. (Terrific Girl later asked the girl about
how it had felt, wondering how the boy had known so much about pleasuring a
girl that way. She couldn't recall his answer.) His penis, meanwhile, moved
about, still rather stiff. He kept up his oral caresses for a very long
time: five minutes? Ten minutes? Then there were sighs and grunts, and
fluids began to drip from the girl's vagina onto the towel beneath her.
Terrific Girl thought the fluid was pinkish; perhaps it was still her
period; the boy seemed not to notice or care. Signs, groans, grunts and then
shrieks; and the girl shouted "now, now, now!". Terrific Girl told the boy
to get to his feet right away; his mother, or maybe her mother, added
something. The girl's mother was as ecstatic as if the orgasm had been hers.
The boy stood up; his penis was not upright now but sticking straight out in
front, his balls moving about. It was now almost exactly in line with the
girl's open vagina; Terrific Girl, and probably all the witnesses, had a
feeling of urgency in watching it, needing to see it enter and deflower her.
Terrific Girl said that it seemed almost as if it were her vagina gaping
open and waiting for a penis to enter: the need for fulfillment was
disconcerting. Such a lovely penis, probably 5-1/2 inches in length and
4-1/2 in girth, she guessed -- exactly the sort of penis I had cultivated
for seduction during my year on the houseboat. Boys seduced at that age
belong to you for life: and, with luck, you will have set them on the road
to a fabulous sex life. Anyway, the penis was darling, and it bobbed
whimsically about until the boy took it in his hand to guide it home.

The girl had been watching and feeling her boy's tongue working its way
around her labia and inside her vagina and stroking her clitoris; now she
could see the penis as he directed it towards her and moved closer. She
cupped her hands between her thighs as if to guide it, and in an instant the
boy closed in, their hands touched until his body pushed both away and his
penis penetrated her completely, passing through her hymen and starting its
thrusts. Then the boy paused briefly, as if to let the blood rush to his
penis and strengthen and stiffen it; when that happened he resumed his
cadence. Terrific Girl thought she sensed some anxiety; perhaps the boy was
trying to catch a wave of orgasm. Then she saw signs of reassurance, of his
passing the point of no return and orgasm coming on. His breathing became
labored and there was a hint of semen: ejaculation. The boy collapsed on top
of the girl, pushing her back against the pillows. They embraced and kissed
for a moment; then she pushed him back up, bringing his penis back into
view, and she had him sit down in her place and she knelt in front of him,
playing with his limp, wet, sticky, semen-and-mucus-and-blood-coated penis.
That penis, Terrific Girl said, was the most romantic symbol imaginable,
glistening with sticky love. As the girl held it in fingers of her two hands
it responded to her, rising slightly, and she put it in her mouth to taste
their romance and their lovemaking. This, they later learned, is what the
girl's mother had told her beforehand she should do. The two girls watching
thought the scene incredibly touching but their boys were consumed with
arousal, and nearly hysterical, and groping and feeling them and rubbing
their own big, erect penises. Boy's mother and girl's mother congratulated
themselves. Then they went out of the room to talk to Mom's Friend.

When the girl had enough and had moved aside with her boy to rest and
cuddle, Terrific Girl took over the bed and made her boy do to her what had
been done to the girl, with her vagina high and exposed and his mouth
covering it; and then when she had her climax his penis and hanging balls
fully visible and she said that with all the electricity in the air and the
rush of excitement and the sexual tension it was the best sex she'd ever
had. Copying the newcomers also validated for them what they had just done,
and, I suppose, to encourage them to try it with other partners. Like me,
many newcomer girls would follow their first sex with non-penetrating oral
sex. It's not so much residual pain, and certainly not regret over loss of
unwanted hymen, but rather an eagerness to learn more about the penis that
has brought so much pleasure and that is such fascinating bit of anatomy,
and about the mysterious and holy semen that it dispenses to its lovers.
Meanwhile, atmosphere and vision are so important to sexual joy, Terrific
Girl insists, that it's pity most young girls don't want to listen to all
her, and Mom's, advice. The point is, that for kids who grow up in an
environment where they are taught that sex parts, and sex, are beautiful,
making the most of exposing the vagina and the penis and the scrotum to the
view of the partners and their witnesses is terribly important. So is the
timing, and there are thresholds in life, rites of passage, and she and her
mother would have decided the time was right for her. Never, not ever, did I
know a girl to have second thoughts or regrets: this is the opposite of
mainstream sexual initiation, where most girls regard their first sex
experience as a disaster.

I have no access to professional studies, but my impression is that when
mainstream girls find their first sex painful it's because of lack of
attention by the boy, out of ignorance mostly. With proper oral foreplay and
pre-coital climax this just didn't happen. First, the girl was so eager to
have the penis inside her, both to reward to boy and to fill herself with
semen, that she probably would have disregarded all but the sharpest pain.
(On that, remember what I've written above about our doctor having been
happy to pierce girls' hymens for them.) Second, the boy would have spent
enough time kissing and licking her vaginal opening and her clitoris above
it, that her vagina would be filled with his saliva and her mucus, easing
the way for his penis. Third, we matched boys and girls by age, and girls
develop more quickly. So chances were good that the boy's penis would still
be growing, and its size would never be a cause of abrasion or trauma. For
us watching, there would be the delight of seeing a dilated, gaping vagina
of a girl we love filled with a loving penis. Whether the boy was lying over
her or standing at the foot of the bed, he would have the leverage to
penetrate fully. Then we'd see rhythmical movement and hear the faint
sloshing of penis in wet vagina and, always, repeated sighs from the girl,
unforgettable pleasure reflected in her eyes. And, probably, disbelief in
her boy's eyes at what he hath wrought. Inevitably our eyes would scan his
penis at each thrust looking for the signs of semen. When he would take his
penis out of her, sometimes someone would remind the girl (as Terrific Girl
had) that she wasn't yet finished: when the boy has done, she must
reacquaint herself with his penis and its lovely coating of semen and maybe
squeeze a few more drops out to taste. If she was at the end of the bed, she
need only sit up again, and his penis would be there for her, sticky with
her stickiness, and his, her love and his. Ready to be kissed again, perhaps
for some semen to be sucked from it. Kids who have grown up knowing that
genitals are beautiful do not shrink from after-sex fondling, caressing,
kissing and tasting. And note: this is basic. The confusion of mere watching
with incest, child sexual abuse or indeed impropriety of any kind is a
matter of hypocritical and repressive religious and social engineering. And
for brothers and sisters double-dating (for that's what this is) the truth
is that enjoying being present on the occasion of each other having sex is a
matter of family pride and physical beauty, and happiness over a sibling's
joy.

(The importance of semen creates a conflict, of course, with present-day
concerns over HIV. As I've explained before, Mom's Friend maintained a
closed circuit of safe families and through the day the parties and events
stopped this was not a problem. Her annual alumnae barbecues are relatively
tame affairs these days as her cohort ages, with flirting and more by the
second generation only in the margins. In real life, HIV is scarcely an
issue for heterosexual under-21s in the USA of our social class, and anyway
it's a moot point now.)

When I spoke to her recently about the above defloration party in
preparation for writing the above, Terrific Girl mentioned something that I
hadn't noticed, but which I easily confirmed from leafing through my
diaries. Coming out generally worked for a girl, as was intended, giving her
sexual freedom. Yesterday she had been off limits, today she would be in
play. Boys would respond to that by paying attention to her and her body,
and she would respond to them by flirting. She could take the initiative:
she had the right to flirt and more, and her interest in a boy's penis would
be taken seriously. Her sexual self-confidence would be (to the initiated,
anyway) obvious, her assertiveness palpable. Some girls, as I had, would
look for pubescent boys to seduce; most would look for more experienced,
worldly boys. In either case, girls almost always spent the next few days
picking and choosing from among a crowd of eligible boys. Their eyes would
be drawn, almost automatically, to those boys' penises. In summer, evenings
especially, there would always be naked boys in the backyard. Naturally
enough, the criterion for choice tended to be the most superficial: the
shape, size, carriage of a boy's penis. She was free now, free to explore
her fantasies and in our environment that meant oral sex and playing with
and learning about boys' penises and testing Mom's Friend's philosophy of
semen; and, most of all, finding out whether boys would reciprocate. Her
defloration would have been among friends and family, the next day she would
be among boys and girls she knew less well or not yet at all. From what
Terrific Girl remembers and I recorded, there seems to have been a
consistent pattern of hours-long flirting, with nobody alluding to the
inevitable conclusion: the girl would sit down on the grass (or on the
basement floor, as the case may be) near a couple of boys and, over an hour
or so she and one particular boy would edge closer and closer until,
somehow, his hands were on her breasts and, in due course, her hand was
tentatively on his penis. Others would move discreetly away; but the minuet
was exciting, literally, and some couples would form; and they would watch
and mentally time the process leading up to her taking his penis into her
mouth. 

The cleverest of boys would move around and under the girl's body until his
mouth was under her vagina, and soon they would be making mutual oral love.
For a young girl, for any girl, this is unforgettably romantic and joyous.
Even if her attention wanes from the penis floating in her mouth, the boy
benefits because of that memory and, more immediately, because as soon as
the girl has reached climax, she will concentrate her best intellectual and
physical effort on his penis and with all deliberate speed bring him to
ejaculation and consume his semen. Terrific Girl and I agreed also that the
semen in a debutante's mouth after such soixante-neuf, had special meaning,
and would be savored and swallowed with love. We remembered also that we
always had to warn girls to enforce Mom's Friend's code about their right to
orgasm; that in the outside world once a boy has ejaculated he may feel no
obligation to bring her to climax and that once the novelty of her freedom
to play with her penis of choice has worn off she should exercise care and
discretion, and make the boy first pleasure her. The magic of holding and
kissing a penis is never lost, but a girl does become, or should become,
more realistic in her expectations after the first dozen boys, and she will
be firmer in her demands. The reality is that semen will lose its novelty
for her -- but boys will not lose theirs for her and the girl will come to
concentrate more on personality and less on the mechanics of sex. That is
simple, observable fact. This is true also with respect to my experience in
Mexico (below), although there it seems there was little under the
circumstances that girls could or would do about it.

How a girl responds to her initiation depends, in large part and
unsurprisingly, on how she was brought up. It takes only a few words to a
small child, in explaining and showing the purpose and use of penis and
vagina, to get across how natural it is for sibling or parent or friends to
have sex in each other's presence and that seeing and knowing the others'
pleasure enhances one's own. It is something I have seen, casually and in
good taste, all my life. (I'm reminded that the best test of parental sex
education is the small boy with an incidental erection, something that
should be pointed out, discreetly, to their sisters, also. Some, perhaps
most, parents think it should be ignored. Mom's Friend disagreed, and she
would always use the occasion to tell the boy that his penis, erect like
that when bigger one day, would go nicely in a girl's mouth and in her
vagina, and make them both very, very happy, and semen would come out and it
would be lovely.) It says something about respect and love and mutual trust
that, for example, Rev. Mary's daughter made love to her boyfriend with us
not far away. I could describe similar incidents from Mom's Friend's House,
but I think this one is more touching:

"Rev. Mary's daughter was completely nude on one of the sofas, and her boy
was kneeling in front of her with his mouth over her vagina and she was
first giggling and bouncing about, her breasts jiggling in unison in a funny
but lovely sort of dance, and then she was calmer as if realizing a need for
concentration to achieve climax. A moment after that she was
faraway-ecstatic, as orgasm approached from the distance; then as joy
consumed her one saw her breasts heave and her eyes roll as that joy
consumed her body and made her very, very happy.

"The boy dropped his underpants to the floor and stripped off his T-shirt.
Now he was leaning over her, his hands on the back of the sofa, his penis
sticking out, his balls hanging below, his demeanor anxious and begging. The
tip of his penis glistened. He panted. Rev. Mary's daughter teased her boy
only for brief seconds. I thought her more vibrant than ever in her joy and
just as at the Friday initiations one longed to see the hovering penis enter
the open vagina, here again kissing and licking had made the girl's vagina
so very ready and eager that it rather hurt me to see the boy's penis still
outside. Anyway, in a lot less time than it has taken me to describe the
event, the girl grasped her boy's penis in two hands and brought it to her
vaginal opening and she, her mother, the boy's father, the other man and I
watched it enter and then we watched her face. In her demeanor we could see,
insofar as anyone can, the meaning of life. She was performing the greatest
act that two people can perform, creating joy out of energy and friction. We
saw too the face of love and as his penis entered and exited she moved, and
her breasts moved, and we smiled."
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/45030

I wrote in that same essay of the brother-sister same-day coming out party
that Rev. Mary had arranged, although their mother was there too:

"When the couple finished, both couples joined their mothers for an embrace.
The three mothers must have felt as I did when the 12-year-old kids showed
me in the garden how they had mutual oral sex, and then vaginal sex, and
were so proud as they approached me, her vagina wet and his penis sticky. I
have written how I so much hope that children of mine will want me there
when they first have sex, for support and to admire their beauty and to feel
their joy. The mothers stared approvingly at their offsprings' bodies. The
mother of the siblings turned her kids in such a way that the three of them
formed a triangle, and her eyes moved up and down darting from her boy's
penis and his balls to her daughter's vagina, then to her daughter's breasts
and to the faces of both of them."

It is said that brothers, like fathers, may be less comfortable watching a
sister (or daughter) making love to a penis and swallowing semen, although I
haven't found this to be a particular issue, as I have said. Girls never, I
think, have that emotional interference. I have seen a sister watch,
dreamily, as her brother's penis is taken out of a girl's mouth for
inspection, its head covered with a viscous coating of semen that the girl
then sucked back into her mouth and swallowed. In fact this happened several
times at our dance parties. Thinking of it now makes me wish for a younger
brother or a son whose maleness I can vicariously enjoy, whose semen is my
DNA. I think of the 12-year-old kids who lived with Mom's Friend and who
grew up seeing me have sex in the back yard, and, when they reached puberty,
came to imitate me:

"The boy and girl were both in mid puberty. I could see her cute little
breasts and her wisps of pubic hair; I could see his penis in mid-growth and
that he too had just a bit of hair there. They held hands and smiled, and
then he was on the ground on his back and she was reversed above him, her
mouth at his penis, just as I had shown them so many years ago. Her legs
were spread wide apart, knees on the ground at either side of his head. All
of her vaginal area was exposed, a lovely 11-1/2-year-old pubescent, angelic
vagina, and the boy had his tongue already in it moving in and out and
around and his lips were sucking on her labia, her clitoris, her vulva. She
was sucking on his penis and it was growing hard; she started moving her
head up and down its not-yet fully-grown length. She meanwhile groaned with
obvious pleasure. After several minutes had passed she cried out "now" and
did a gymnastic flip, landing on her back alongside the boy, her legs wide
apart with knees bent, her vagina open, waiting expectantly. The boy quickly
turned over and around and mounted her, his penis sticking out downwards
very stiff, wet from her saliva. She guided his penis into her vagina, and
he proceeded to pump her as she acknowledged his thrusts with more sighs.
After a couple of minutes of slow thrusts he speeded up his pace, grunted,
gasped and rolled over next to her, sitting up. He caught his breath, rose
and pulled her to her feet with one hand. The two of them skipped over to
Mom and me. I was so happy for them. I hugged them closely. The boy's penis
was glistening wet all over."
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38098

Can you imagine a lovelier image?

There was a particular minuet which girls didn't have to follow, but most
did, relating to the order of sex and orgasm. A very few followed the
specific pattern Mom had recommended, with the girl at the end of the bed
and her legs akimbo; most girls were more conventional although they would
learn other positions including that one later, especially for showing off.
If the boy didn't have an erection to start with, the girl would probably
need to take the initiative to lick and kiss and suck it, or at least to
fondle it, since everybody expected to see his penis really stiff and eager
right from the start. If the girl wasn't immediately ready for active
lovemaking, she would have to signal that she wanted to spend time just
kissing and caressing. Girls of 12 or 13 or 14, though, are usually happy to
get right down to penis and vagina. It's immediately exciting and
responsive, and the pleasure is rapid and immense.

When girls are playing with a boy's penis or putting it in their mouths, I
always suggest they try fondling the scrotum with one hand: a lot of boys
are ticklish and this can serve for comic relief, so to speak. There is
actually a more serious point here: the girl would assert her control over
the situation. Once a girl had breastlets, she needed to know how to deal
with the interest she aroused in males. She needed to know about the penis,
and how she could have fun with it, yet stay in control. And how she could
assure herself an orgasm whenever she felt the desire. Older Girl and I had
a lecture we used to give to pubescent girls -- repeatedly, beginning with
their earliest interest in sex -- about being in control. (I used to let
Mom's Friend brief the boys on what to expect; I never felt comfortable
doing that, perhaps because of my own history as serial seductress.) When
she is ready, it is for the girl to signal. Frankly, anytime a girl is feels
like sex, anytime she has the whim, there should be nothing to stop her
having it. Boy's are easy to arouse and, frankly, when we were teens it
didn't really matter which boy's penis we played with. We had crushes on
them all. The only issue was the responsiveness of the particular boy to our
needs. On the other hand, no boy who hesitated, even for a second, to kiss
the vagina of one of Mom's Friend's favorite girls would ever get through
the door of her house again....

An oral response to an exposed vagina obviously isn't the automatic result
in mainstream life, but it is normal for boys and men in our community. It
is the task of mothers and other women to see to it they know that, by
showing and telling; and it's what Mom's Friend would explain to boys
assigned to deflower one of our girls, and in fact to all of our visiting
and vacationing boys. Only after his girl had reached climax or the
threshold of climax should a male be allowed to put his penis in her vagina
unless they were experienced partners who knew the girl's sensitivity and
timing. Once she approached climax she would need and want the boy to put
his penis in her vagina right away. It should work just the way it did for
the girl at the defloration whom Terrific Girl attended. It didn't work that
way for me, as readers may recall; it was a few weeks before I came to
assert control in that way. After my first vaginal sex I had another
priority: I wanted to take a boy's penis in my mouth and bring him to orgasm
orally and feel his ejaculation, as I'd seen all the older girls do, time
after time. I already knew that taking semen into my mouth was a sacred
ritual. Now I had a penis in my hand and I was in charge of it; the boy
looked at me expectantly. I played with it and studied it and tried to
remember all the hints I'd been told, and to figure out the meaning of all
the ridges and valleys. I caressed and sucked and made love to it and when,
after minutes of increasing tension and sexual electricity he ejaculated
into my mouth, I felt an accomplishment on the level of a First Communion. I
looked around at the others watching, tasted the semen, and swallowed it.
Right away, I was sorry it was gone from my mouth. The warmth of the semen,
and its viscosity, surprised me.

I was to discover that the urge to take a boy's penis in your mouth with
others watching is a common girl-urge. Especially among my friends, raised
as I was in the post-CoG, postmodern environment. And it was a way to show
off one's boy's sensuality, erection and ejaculation all at once. But the
boy had to reciprocate before or after, or both: he had to be seen to care
for the girl, to delight in her orgasm, to love her vagina to bits and to
want to kiss and lick her clitoris. Mom's Friend has aphorisms that she
would recite: "don't hide your sex under a bushel" and "they tried to tell
us we're to young" were two that she paraphrased. The responses of females
and males to such a sight are quite different: by this time most of --
indeed all -- the boys in the room would be terribly aroused and antsy. Mom
used to tell me to look for the boys with pre-cum as a special gift, or
rather as avatar or symbol of pleasure to be had. Girls were more sedate,
more sympathetic to the situation of the girl whose party it was. But, come
what might, after the new couple had finished the other two or three couples
would have sex too to celebrate their joy. I thought that mutual oral sex
was lovely under such tense and aroused conditions; if the boy's penis
wasn't too big I would lie back and take it in my mouth and he would take my
entire vaginal opening and the soft parts including my clitoris in his
mouth, and we would make love that way. If a boy's was older and his penis
quite big, I might have him lie back and I could work just the tip of his
penis with my mouth and tongue and when he ejaculated some of his semen
would drip down sexily and make his penis and balls glimmer and shine. Other
girls love to see that happen. His penis would then be slippery and it would
fit nicely into my vagina even if it was no longer fully erect and he could
enjoy a few thrusts and we could smile and kiss and embrace together. And I
would have had a climax, and there would be semen in my vagina as well as my
mouth: I would feel complete. Two other ex-CoG girls (not at Mom's Friend's
House) have shown me self-portraits of themselves that way: totally
satisfied and totally complete, sensuous and lovely; a reaffirmation that
flirting (and its concomitant: sex) is God's command.

Our dance parties, where we danced nude and inevitably had sex twice (some
bragged "continuously") in a long evening, was another environment where 13-
to 18-year-olds might fulfill their romantic fantasies and love urges. We
had rules, as I have said, one of which that one had sex only with one's own
partner, even if one happened to dance with others in the course of the
evening. You could always arrange a date for another day: notwithstanding
our liberal attitudes, the same-day rule (and some others) existed to keep
the peace and maintain stability and decorum. These parties weren't open to
the public, although guests I didn't know -- like the Big Breasted Girl and
her date -- could be sponsored by others and would come. We would arrange
partners; but as I've said elsewhere, generally boys from outside our own
circle had to be sponsored by a girl who also attended. Not necessarily a
date -- the sponsor could (and often was) the boy's sister; but this was our
way of keeping the sexes in balance. As for day-long "monogamy", once a girl
made her boy's penis hard, both boy and penis belonged to her. She could,
and would, show it off; and she would show off the sexual process, too. It
made sense that they should stay together for the day. Tomorrow each would
be clean and fresh, showered and ready, relaxed and available: for each
other, or for others. Or for nobody, if a person didn't feel like sex. It's
funny how we took the rule for granted. Nobody would think to be offended
that his or her partner for delightful sex the day before was being
chaperoned by a new partner today, a different penis in a different girl's
mouth and vagina: same semen, different romance.

I wrote of the Big-Breasted Girl's first sex, and how lovely it was. How it
was an intellectual decision on her part after seeing the 16-Year-Old Boy
and I making love, to take her own date's penis into her vagina. She must
have known there would be sex at a nude party, but perhaps, at 13, she
didn't consider the implications for her. I wrote about that girl in the
essay "On Puberty", cited above. The essential point is that there was
mutuality of respect and romantic inclination, and mutuality of orgasm too.
To see a girl open her mouth to let a stiff penis in, or to spread her legs
wide so it can penetrate her vagina, is romantic. For her to have her eyes
wide open and gazing lovingly and expectantly at the penis is divine. It's
the closest we shall ever come to understanding the meaning of life.
Coercion is rape: the most evil of crimes sins, constituting assassination
of the soul. Girls need to learn self-defense on an emotional, as well as a
physical plane. And it starts with self respect and mutuality of obligation
and of pleasure. Semen is God's messenger and love's gift; but, unwanted or
coerced, ejaculation is trespass and assault.

Most girls will not appreciate pornography; all appreciate romance. Romance
includes, for the initiated and the open-minded, the sight of arousal and
its satisfaction in others: the cycle of penis from freshly washed and at
rest to exited and erect, and then at work and making love. I have never
cared to watch pornography, but seeing my friends at pleasure is different,
and lovely. The mystery of ejaculation and the holiness of semen are
qualities that had been brought to our notice as little kids. If kids are
shielded from the sight of sex when they are toddlers, of course it will be
intrusive to impose the experience on them later. But most likely,
post-puberty, they will retain their embarrassment, their modesty: probably
then they will never appreciate the communal, the holy, nature of erection
and ejaculation. Not unless they have a moral leader, a minister, in whom
they can believe and whom they can follow: that was, for all his faults,
Moses David's genius. That it was natural became obvious the year I was
living with Mom on the houseboat with a single bedroom and sometimes Mom and
I would undress our respective lovers and ourselves, and our lovemaking -- a
generation apart -- was enhanced because we were not alone and we had
approval and protection from each other. All of this presented a challenge
when we had our camps and our visitors and the kids hadn't been exposed to
nudity and sex before they reached puberty. We had to re-program them.

(I felt bad, in a way, after I had that "accidental" first sex on the floor,
that I hadn't had my Mom around for the event. I tried to make up for it
later, and I tried to learn from her too. That's how I became such an
advocate for showing off my vagina and making sure the boy and I, and
bystanders, could see my vaginal area and the boy's penis and balls, and all
of the movement of the penis in and out of me. I tell people how, when I'm
alone, I sometimes have the visions of my favorite penises at work that way.
Especially in the wake of cunnilingus, to have sight of the penis
reinforcing your climax and then perhaps to see traces of semen as the boy
ejaculates is just the loveliest experience.)

Astonishing as it may be, it's not the boy whose penis is in your mouth who
is best placed to instruct you on how to give him the most pleasure,
although he can and should speak up. When I seduced a boy for the first
time, it would be a boy without experience and without exposure, so we'd be
alone. But I could still discuss it with Mom later, and when, once or twice,
I decided to have one of those boys try mutual oral sex with me, it was
conditional on his not being uneasy if Mom was there with her own partner.
 From Mom's standpoint this provided competition for her middle-aged consort,
who would then have to spend more time with his tongue in her vagina and
ministering to her clitoris, and so on. If the kids alongside were doing it,
so would he. I think to see the normality, even the banality, of an older
woman taking a penis into her mouth, and her partner sucking her soft parts
into his and caressing them with his tongue had to be reassuring to a
pubescent boy -- once he abandoned his false modesty. A boy's apprehension
is obvious, of course, from the state of tension of his penis. I always
liked -- and I like now -- to prolong the anticipation, and to keep a boy's
penis erect and waiting longer than he would like; if I can judge his
closeness to ejaculation I can change the pace of its movement in and out of
my mouth, or I can take it out of my mouth and just admire it, and that will
delay things. A penis is harder to control in the course of "soixante-neuf";
that's something which comes from experience and not concentrating only on
your own progress towards orgasm. Even then, if both partners have orgasm at
the same time, it's more likely to be an accident than the result of any
special effort or skill.

Perhaps it made a difference for us that everybody, parents and children,
were professional of background and educated (or at least self-educated). On
my trip to Baja California to see the "other side" of parentally-condoned
and -encouraged teen sex, it was all different. That's what I want to write
about now.

-----     -----     ------     ------     ------     ------     ------
------

I had originally wanted to meet "Dr. John Smith", who had published a short
treatise in Tijuana about sex education and sexual freedom for adolescents,
a treatise that accords with my own views and experience. I wanted to know
if there are, as I have heard, communities of likeminded families in Mexico
that raise their children to be unafraid of sex and who implement his
program:

"-- proper sex education beginning at birth: parents should both explain and
show their children, from the earliest age, the nature and function of
genitals and their physical expression of love and romance

"-- casual nudity within the family: not persistent naturism, but rather
incidental visibility of the naked body of all ages, whether by walking nude
from bathroom to bedroom or by family recreation in sauna, hot tub, Jacuzzi
or swimming pool

"-- from puberty, access to similarly-minded teens for safe experimentation,
with parental supervision

"-- maximization of female empowerment in matters of sex and of access to
orgasm. This implies that children should know from an early age that oral
sex is right and good, and that females should be able to direct the
progress of sex relations to assure themselves pleasure and satisfaction."

I visited Tijuana months ago with a friend, but the contact details I was
given were obsolete. I never found Dr. Smith, nor any liberated community
that took on board his Four Points or that could be seen as a possible
successor to Mom's Friend's House. Eventually I did get in touch with a
couple who had promoted a timeshare further south dedicated to the
"liberated family". I spent a few days there.

Daytimes there were rather ordinary: adults and kids in the pool, and at
sports, and golf and tennis and ping pong and board games. Access to the
beach and to fishing and boating and "paracaidas" and other water stuff. And
shopping and restaurants in the town. In the evenings, the tenor would
change, though. Even before dark, clothes would come off; in fact by
afternoon at the latest many or most of the girls were topless. Middle-aged
men, and a few women, would congregate afternoons around the bar and drink
Dos Equis Special, Carta Blanca, Tecate. Or, occasionally, margaritas or
sangria. A TV played in Spanish above the bar; nobody watched it. The men
would leer in the direction of the pool as teens cavorted topless and, later
in the evening, as naked boys and girls played with each others' bodies.
Once it got dark there would be more touching and there would be sex and the
men, some of them presumably fathers of the girls and boys, would watch
languidly. And perhaps afterwards go back to their own "apartamento" in the
"fraccionamiento" to have sex. There were always a few women around: wives,
girlfriends, Mexican consorts. Topless, too; occasionally they would try to
compete in sexuality with the teens, and oral sex was not unknown at the
bar. For the men, arrogance would, at that stage of life, be proportional to
wealth; also I wondered how many of the senior erections owed something to
Viagra and its competitors. (Later I would learn that more than a few of the
leering geezers had younger, absent wives somewhere who were busy having sex
with their own temporary partners; that those wives paid for cunnilingus
with gifts of clothing and gold jewelry to their Mexican or American studs
and gigolos.) Mostly, the men, especially once drunk, were harmless enough:
indeed, some of the girls and boys would prance over alone or in pairs,
ejaculation accomplished and semen dripping to tease them and to get a free
drink. The bartender was used to it; his job and his tips depended on making
small talk in English and pretending to "see no evil".

But it was the teenagers whose activities interested me, because their
attitude was so different from ours, back in Our Town. As I shall explain,
there was a difference in culture. Growing up, I always knew that, while sex
was for grown-ups, (1) "grown-up" meant pubic hair, breasts, a bigger penis,
and so on, and (2) penises were lovely to cuddle and kiss. For the kids I
was to observe, as for most of mainstream America, kissing a penis is a
crime against nature, but girls do it because (a) they are intimidated or
blackmailed into it or (b) they want something, and "don't mind doing
something dirty to get it". The difference is really quite amazing. Even if
you consider Asian women who are said to be quick to fellate Western men
(and presumably Asian men, too), that is (allegedly) because of their
subservient role and status, so the case fits under (a); it's just social,
instead of personal, intimidation. I guess sodomy laws are unenforceable
now, since Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003)
http://laws.findlaw.com/us/000/02-102.html
but it seems to me that they were, and to the extent they're still on the
books are, the real "crimes against nature". To any girl who has grown up in
an environment of family and friends enjoying casual, gentle, romantic,
fulfilling sex the way we did, the notion of taking a penis in hand,
watching it grow stiff, and kissing, fondling, caressing and loving it is
the most natural thing in the world. The blessing my generation of offspring
of the children of the 60s got was that we grew up taking this for granted.
Moses David added that flirting could be evangelizing and, in addition, that
children were entitled to their sexuality. I don't think the world has yet
caught up to that. Not even laissez-faire Mexico, but then Latino macho
culture has its own problems.

On one of the nights I was there, a reluctant girl, newly arrived, and
already plied with a considerable number of alco-pops (I supposed, anyway:
there were Sauza Diablo bottles around), was coerced into taking off her
bikini and showing off her crotch. Then she was pressed into,
hypothetically, choosing one of the penises on display. There were a half
dozen boys in a row, aged between 14 and 17 or so, and four or five girls
doing all the talking. ("Which penis would you like to have, if you were
having one?" "Which is the sexiest?" "Can you see how they all want you?"
"Wouldn't you like to hold one and kiss it and make it hard?" "Just look at
that beautiful, sexy cock!") The new girl was made to sit on the edge of a
pool chaise longue with the selected boy ("selected" only because she hadn't
objected when one of the girls had pushed him forward) next to her. She
wouldn't be allowed to resist his advances. Another girl stood behind a boy
and fondled his penis and then knelt in front of him and kissed it
ostentatiously; before long kids were paired off, seemingly at random, and
several of the boys had erections. There was crude teasing. One girl took
the seated girl's hand and clasped it around her boy's penis. The girl could
not have been more than 14; perhaps she was even younger. I think 14 is the
de facto age of consent for sex in Mexico anyway, although there is
disagreement on that:
http://www.ageofconsent.com/mexico.htm
And in Mexico 92 percent of males and 91 percent of females have had sex
before their 15th birthday, at least according to one school survey.
http://www.popcouncil.org/pdfs/horizons/schoolsbsln.pdf
Unlike the girls at Mom's Friend's House, unlike me in Our Town, the girl
was not taking the initiative to imitate her peers, rather her peers were
pressing her to be have sex. Her parent or parents were nowhere to be found;
or perhaps, given the uncouth nature of that community, her dad was at the
bar watching. If so, I couldn't spot him.

By the time I looked back towards her, the boy had her on his lap and was
caressing her breasts, running his fingers inside her vulva, then inside her
vagina, periodically licking his fingers and telling her he loved her. He
moved her head towards his and kissed her on the lips. Then he lay her down
and began to play with her breasts in earnest, to kiss her mouth and her
nipples. She seemed petrified, really, like the proverbial deer before
headlights, so that when the boy, by this time lying on top of her, pulled
her legs apart, moistened his penis and put it inside her, she was doing
little else besides looking up at the sky. Thinking of England, perhaps.
After a few minutes, somebody reminded the boy of something, and he got off
her and put on a condom. The girl was moaning but motionless, perhaps he had
hurt her; more than likely he didn't care. Once he put the condom on his
penis was back inside her, moving up and down, in and out, rather too
carelessly I thought. Even if she didn't have anxiety and pain to keep her
from having an orgasm. When his penis was done with her vagina, the boy was
done with the girl. I saw some other (second string?) guy approach her and I
assumed (correctly, as it turned out) that he was grooming her for tomorrow.
(Where had I seen this picture before? Actually, it's happened even at our
coming-out parties, so being attracted to the object of some other guy's
lovemaking isn't necessarily a bad thing.) The second boy never left the
girl's side all evening. At least he was solicitous of her. In the end, he
didn't wait for tomorrow: his penis was inside her vagina before the bar
closed for the night. I don't think the girl was in a state to make up her
mind, or to refuse; and she was glad of the companionship. I supposed that
her parents wouldn't mind; after all they had brought her here, and not just
so that they, the parents, could have free sex.

The next night I saw the same girl with that second boy's penis in her
mouth: she had joined the club. Whether she was, or would, have a good time
I couldn't say. He was talking to her, giving her instructions; and he held
his penis at its base and directed its angle of entry into her mouth, and he
pushed his hips back and forth in time against the movements of her head.
The leering men watched from afar; I was nearby. I would have advised her to
more her tongue more actively, but I kept my counsel. After her boy had
ejaculated he asked her if she liked it and she nodded that she did; but not
with any conviction, not that I could tell. I didn't see her either swallow
the semen or spit it out; whatever she did she accomplished discreetly
beyond the few drips I could see at a corner of her mouth. Perhaps she kept
it in her mouth until she went into the pool, which led me to wonder about
its sanitary qualities. She did seem to crave the support of the other kids,
their company. Now that she was in play, she was certainly in demand.
Perhaps that is how most kids, on the outside, away from our type of
theologically-oriented sex, come to have early sex. Isn't that what they do
in the Ozarks, in Appalachia, in the Bayou? But in that case, who is looking
after their best interests, their safety? Who is assuring the girl an
orgasm? There were more boys than girls here; clearly there was a pecking
order and some of the boys were excluded. Several nerdy types had their own
partners, but they were a group, or as my French-Canadian colleague likes to
say (pejoratively), a "groupuscule", of their own. I would have liked to
spend some time observing them, but I thought I would get less, or no,
cooperation from the main social grouping of sexually-active kids if I did.
The nerds kept to themselves in the pool and were less noisy, and less
drunk, though also topless. And, by the end of the evening, naked.

There is something else I noticed. Little girls often sit cross-legged when
naked, in an ungainly way that makes their vaginal openings visible.
Mothers, of course, remind them not to sit that way, to sit instead
"ladylike", with their legs together. In our vacation camps, when Mom's
Friend had kids over for "sex education" and "relationship awareness" weeks,
as she called them, girls who'd enjoyed their first sex, or their first
public sex, would often sit that way, too, by way of showing off their
vaginas and teasing the boys, trying to create excitement, perhaps provoke
an erection. I saw this among some of the older, experienced girls in Baja:
but there they were being provocative towards everybody, especially the
geezers at the bar. I once met a lawyer who had worked on the Larry Flynt
case, and she said his magazine specialized in that sort of image. The movie
(The People vs. Larry Flynt) didn't make that so clear, at least not as I
remember it. I guess it's perfectly normal for a girl to want to provoke an
erection, to have the penis of the boy seated opposite her erect and
pointing, whether or not she has any intention of touching it or having it
touch her. The fact is that if sex didn't happen spontaneously, somebody
would suggest they play crude sex games or maybe that they put on a boom box
and start dancing. None of that was new to me, of course; certainly not the
blunt challenge to a boy that, "if you like my vagina so much you will kiss
it and make me feel good and I will make it worth your while".

At the bar, men were propositioning any girl who approached, especially me.
Staring, as I thought, at my breasts. I asked one whether, after he'd
propositioned 999 women and been slapped in the face 999 times, wouldn't he
be reticent to proposition a 1,000th? He said "not at all". At least he
didn't ask me what "reticent" meant. I felt protected by numbers, although I
could feel, somehow, an urge, or a threat, to grope on their part. I never
took off my bikini bottoms: it seemed to me that I was Working Press, and
going halfway towards accommodating local (un)dress was enough. I wondered
what their wives and girlfriends were doing. I told the men I was busy.
Their penises, geriatric some of them, amused me; but I didn't care to get
close to any of them. And I had other priorities, namely my boyfriend who
would be meeting me in Mexico City in a couple of days. I looked again at
the girls and wondered how many of them would have orgasms. It seemed to me
that they were aggressively pursuing not their own interests, not girls'
interests, but boys' chauvinistic prejudices, arrogance and lust. I thought
of the women who promote female genital mutilation and deprive generations
of women of sexual pleasure out of inherited superstition. The Muslim women
who wear their burkas or hijabs or chadors in downtown Los Angeles, New
York, Paris and London. It is the women performing the aggression, the
discrimination, on themselves by proxy on behalf of men, or imagined men.
How different from our world, where boys are conditioned -- made -- to
assure their partners a climax, where oral sex, cunnilingus, is part and
parcel of shared values. I thought of the anecdote Mom had told me, years
ago, that she'd heard or read: a feminist writer from New York had gone out
West to explore sex with cowboys, only to be told by one superficially sexy
cowboy that he wouldn't "eat her vagina" because he's "not gay". Say that
again? 

At one point I saw one of the men from the bar go off somewhere with an
adolescent girl who seemed to be not much more than a teenybopper. At first
I thought he was her dad, but from her smirk when she returned I came to
think she had been paid for sex and (from the way she carried her breasts
and her smirk and repeatedly adjusted her bikini bottoms, which were all she
had on) that she was perhaps a couple of years older than she looked. And I
suspected she would not get to spend all or much of the money on herself,
that her crowd would spend it for her. Anyway, when I left her she was face
to face with a penis, but not in the romantic way I was used to: instead of
a sexy smile there was a smirk.

There were other objectionable aspects to the Baja scene that I heard about
but didn't see. There was taunting and ridicule, especially of younger boys;
and there was a hierarchy or pecking order based on athletic reputation and,
to some extent, on penile size. These are, as readers will know at least at
the extremes, irrelevant to quality of orgasm given and received. In the
course of a day and evening, and especially once orgasm is shared, intellect
and wit are likely to play more important roles. It's OK when one is only
acting the part (as in "I am Sam" or in "Forrest Gump") for a sexy actor to
play the part of a harebrained person. In real life, sexiness and
feeblemindedness don't go together: think, for example, of George W. Bush.
But those kids were too ignorant to know it. Beauty is temporary, dumb is
forever, etc., etc. Whatever might be said for the fun they were having,
there was no intellectual structure behind them, no moral reference. One may
disagree with the morality of an alien culture or another religion, or the
group next door -- or even Mom's Friend's morality and teachings -- just as
most of us are at least astonished, if not horrified, by the practices in
Colorado City, Arizona and Hilldale, Utah of the Fundamentalist Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But we and they have moral structure:
even if some or most outsiders consider it wrong, it is still "structure".
Thus Mom's Friend enforces rules on consent, on same-age sex, and even
against what she considers "crimes against nature"; and especially she
enforces norms of female rights. The "new polygamists" have a set of core
beliefs that underlie their practices too. In the absence of core beliefs
there is chaos, unpredictability and unfairness. My objection to the
fundamentalist Mormons is the same as my objection to Islam: the exclusion
from decision-making and the social subordination of women. Women make
better, and fairer, arbiters of sexual morality and sexual equality than
men: this is biological and innate. Unless, of course, the women are proxies
for men and enforce upon themselves the kind of discrimination and outrage
that I have so often railed against. I want men to be delighted by me, and
by other women. But let it not be at the sacrifice of my own pleasure and
delight.

The point is that while in our environment, in Our Town, we didn't make a
practice of ignoring, of looking away, when our friends were having sexual
fun, neither did we ever try to score points at their expense. When that
girl walked by while I was on the floor with a young boy ("Boy No. 2") under
me and we were in the midst of mutual oral sex and she critiqued his crude
efforts at trying to reach my clitoris with his tongue, she was not being
mean or cruel but constructive and funny, even if I had to chase her away
because we couldn't concentrate on our orgasms with her there.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37735
("I thought it might be nice to have mutual oral sex. I didn't so much ask
him as just lead him to the floor and have him lie on his back. I mounted
him, my mouth above his penis and my vagina above his mouth. I put his penis
back in my mouth and continued doing what I had been doing before. The
challenge for him was now to figure out what he had to do to me when I
couldn't tell him.")

The kids there in Mexico were using sex not only for their individual (note
that I do not say their "mutual" or "reciprocal") pleasure but as a matter
of power; and the girls only seemed to have worth, and self-worth, when they
were in proximity of a penis, preferably erect. And like the tree that makes
a noise in the forest only if someone is listening, that sex had to be
validated by being seen by others: which, I suppose, is why the leering
geezers were tolerated and encouraged and teased. Of course for the status
of the most desired and sexually active girls and boys to be validated,
there had to be outsiders: not just the "nerds", who had their own circle
and their own style and their own (probably better) sex, but the rejects,
the boys who would not get any sex unless they went outside the compound and
paid Mexican prostitutes for it. Do I see a similarity with "Bowling for
Columbine"? Or, more specifically, with Columbine itself?

To clarify and reiterate: as a long-time observer of, and participant in,
adolescent sex I am aware how it can degenerate into a cruel game. This is
why Mom's Friend thought it so important to maintain standards, and that
those standards should be controlled and enforced by women and girls. Only
in such an environment, she said later, was the separation of sexual
inhibition from commitment socially and psychologically and physically safe.
And since Mom's Friend saw both (frequent) oral love and vaginal intercourse
as divine commands, applicable from the moment of puberty, the rest was
implicitly, also, divine command. It is absolutely true that the child who
grows up in an environment where genitals are thought to be beautiful
instruments of God and to be seen and admired -- rather than ugly, sinful
and embarrassing appurtenances always to be hidden -- will be a happier,
well-adjusted, and almost certainly a sexually confident and satisfied,
adult. There are, indeed, tactful, discreet and non-intrusive ways for boys
and girls to be made familiar with vagina and clitoris and penis and
testicles, respectively, in a non-sexual way and free from "abuse". Biology
and anatomy are, after all, legitimate subjects of study, apart from
anthropology and sociology. Even at a kid-level.

Back in that Baja compound, for the girl with the largest self-sustaining
boobs and the guy with the biggest dick (in length and girth combined) to
strut around self-importantly, and for her to feel the need to struggle with
his penis uncomfortably in her mouth and her vagina twice a day with others
watching, is demeaning, cheapening, and ignores the whole point of sex: that
the female, by being brought to climax, is brought to the divine: and that
she does not need to have her communion only second-hand, through the
ejaculation of her partner. I don't believe in unilateral, unrequited (i.e.,
narcissistic) sex. My partner will bring me to climax, usually orally; then
and only then have I reached the state where I desperately need his semen
and he has a right to expect me to take it. Not so much to validate my own
sexuality, but to confirm our mutual condition, our romantic endeavor. I
find that many people not of our group fail to be aroused at the sight of
boy kissing girl's vagina: these are the people who see cloaca in vagina and
debasement in oral sex. One of the reasons Mom used to say that raising a
girl's legs and spreading them wide was best was to give not just girl and
boy, but bystanders too, the best view of what otherwise may be hidden: the
inner sanctum of vagina. As well, of course, as the entry of the penis, the
lovely movement of scrotum and balls, the liquidity, the mounting tension,
and the semen and blood. I said that before.

The first time I saw a girl in that position I realized that mother was
right, and thereafter I tried it myself from time to time so I could watch
and be watched. It is very dramatic and very lovely, in the same way that
mutual oral sex with girl on top lets both the boy on the bottom and anyone
looking see the girl's vagina as ultimate-chic and ultimate-beauty: a gaping
channel wanting a penis, tense clitoris expecting climax -- and the
witnesses vicariously feeling the thrill of penetration and first thrust.
(It's not just the girl, but the bystander too who will hope that the boy's
erection survives ejaculation in her mouth, so he can put his penis in the
dilated vagina and they can make more love face to face.) I also found that
boys who had seen me at sex that way might fall in love with my vagina;
anyway I'd have my pick of them, which made me feel gratified, important and
gorgeous. One likes to show off one's beauty, and one likes to be admired. I
did make that point to the Mexico crowd, sort of putting the cat among the
pigeons, actually. On my last evening there, I saw a girl try it out, but
the facilities weren't quite the same -- the height of the surface the girl
is lying on is all-important since her exposed vagina has to be at a level
that the standing or leaning boy's penis can reach without contortion. In
his case, the girl lay back on a blanket poolside with her legs out of the
way and her vagina and her head raised by cushions, and the boy was on his
knees in front of her. From above and to the side, and from the bar, one
could see the boy's penis entering her vagina more or less horizontally; his
balls hung below on the blanket. The boy's hands were braced on the girl's
body, but he had some difficulty still in managing his thrusts. His penis
was of average length, which was quite enough, but he lacked the kind of
leverage he would have had if she had been on a raised surface with her
vagina at its edge and his penis was poised just above it, more or less like
the picture I referred to in my last essay, and I've juxtaposed images of
the two positions (instructional pictures posed by models; Mom's Friend
never allowed nude photos of her girls and I certainly didn't take any in
Baja) on a Web page so you can see what I mean.
http://tinyurl.com/584ym
Even in the first picture the girl is really too far from the end of the bed
to give the boy easy access, although much depends on his height, and so
forth. I remember that at Rev. Mary's, because the sofa wasn't high enough
the daughter's boyfriend did have to lean over her and then support himself
with his hands and the daughter had to guide his penis into her vagina.

Mom actually had more to say about the "raised", vagina-elevating, position,
but it wasn't relevant to the event, or consistent with what she was trying
to accomplish. If genitals are generically beautiful, there are still
degrees of beauty within the class. "Proportionality" is important: for the
same reason that classical sculptors create images of genitals that are
slightly smaller than average. As I pointed out in my essay about the
"Second Annual Best Penis Contest"
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47514
the most important attribute is functionality. Still, it's nice to see a
finely-formed, sensuously-aroused and very tense and pulsating penis, its
round head beckoning, its slit promising what I would like to call a
"gushing surprise". And, optimally, there will be a drop of seminal fluid,
and the testicles distinct and moving about. The latter, of course, is a
matter of ambient temperature and also of physique; but boys have been known
to "improve" their scrotums over time with weights. Harmless enough, I
suppose, although I don't think much of artificial enhancements generally.

There are philosophers who have argued that penis and semen (DNA, stuff of
life), vagina and vaginal blood are more truly body and blood of Christ than
bread and wine; I'm not qualified to agree or disagree but there can be no
doubt that the state of euphoria that produces semen and makes it
irresistible to the girl is the state of ultimate holiness. But, like any
holy quality, it can be faked, as the arrest and conviction of all those
priest-pedophiles has proved. This is why sex education from toddlerhood is
so important: one cannot recognize danger without knowing it. Spontaneity in
sex, as in religion, is a blessing, Mom always thought it silly that people
should think one had to go to church, or to pray, on a schedule anymore than
one should expect to have sex on a schedule. In either case, praying or
having sex, one should engage in it because one is eager and inspired and
for no other reasons. When I described our nude dance parties I said that
they would start out quite calm and staid. Nobody was required or expected
to do anything. It was the collective magnetism and, in due course, the
erections and the giggling and the simultaneous arousal, that made
abstention and "just saying no" impossible.

There are even today liberal (if secret) subcultures in most communities
where kids who have become sexually active at 12, 13 or 14 can carry on
safely. (I was going to include the word "precociously" and then thought
better of it, since it conflicts with my arguments.) A few of these have
been brought to my attention by readers, others have been mentioned in
public documents. There are in fact, at every school or at least in every
city, discreet teen sex clubs. Absent abusive relationships, interference by
the authorities is nonexistent. (A Google search under "sexually aggressive
children" will lead you to literature describing exceptional cases.
"Aggression" invariably refers to domination of girls by boys; girl
"assertiveness" of the sort Mom's Friend promoted is never an issue.) Our
alumnae/alumni would typically visit with us for another week the next year.
It was fun to see their development, physically and emotionally over the
intervening time. I've forgotten now how long it takes a penis to grow to
maturity -- One year? Two years? Anyway, it develops in other ways until the
age of 16 or so, but it takes well under a year to be useful for sex from
the first sign of hormonal change. (For me, and I think for every girl, and
for every parent, the mystery of boys' puberty is charming and engrossing. I
think back on all the boys I watched awakening to sex and whose penises I
watched mature; and in my childhood diaries I can see comments I made during
and after their puberty, impressions their penises made upon my mouth and
their personalities upon my mind. Thoughts about semen and wonderment over
the romantic endeavor. What lovely comparisons, what lovely memories!)

Conclusion:

I had hoped to discover, in Mexico where it's seemingly legal, a vacation
camp that provides the kind of environment Mom's Friend used to, where
adolescents can discover themselves and others and can awaken to safe sex. I
still have a dream of finding, or founding, such a place, a timeshare or a
hotel-country club environment. My visit to Baja made me realize, though,
that it isn't enough to be tolerant. There have to be rules, and a
commitment on the part of the parents and the kids. And apparently one of
those rules -- female control of her own body -- is not so easily enforced
as I would have thought. For example, the lessons and norms of oral foreplay
and mutual orgasm are unenforceable in chaos. Obviously the easiest solution
is to be "high-end", i.e., expensive: to charge so much that like-minded
educated, committed professionals and intellectuals come with their families
and others stay away. One wants public displays of affection, and also
romance, arousal and pride of semen; not displays of power and
one-upmanship. One wants juvenile wonderment and adolescent discovery, not
arrogant sense of entitlement and selfish gratification at the expense of
others. Above all, one wants to banish hypocrisy and value kindness. To
repeat another thing: the point is not, by the way, to dismiss or to
discourage long-term relationships, or marriage, or fidelity. Indeed, nobody
has ever discouraged that pair of kids still at Mom's Friend's House from
being loyal to each other. As far as I know, neither has ever had sex with
any other. The point is to recognize that experimental sex with multiple
partners is normal post-pubertal behavior dictated by God and nature, and
that without learning fully the sexual side of life one will enter
adulthood, and make relationship choices, out of chance and by ignorance.
One may be lucky enough, as Romeo and Juliet were, to meet a life partner at
age 12 or 14; hence the quotation at the start of this essay. Or one may not
be. But the option should be there; childhood sweethearts don't always, or
often, turn out to be sexually compatible, although it's nice when they do.

The examples I have selected, in this and other essays, are representative
but not exclusive. To write more on sex among the 16-20 crowd and less on
pubescent brats might have been more representative, but it would not have
illustrated the political point I mainly wanted to make: that repression of
instinctive, natural sex from the moment of puberty is hypocritical and
damaging. For the same reason, I didn't write much about our other (non-sex)
activities. However, I have pointed out before that Mom's Friend put even
greater emphasis on academics, classics, music, art, lifetime sports and
other intellectual things than she did on early sex exploration. But, like
those other things, like the poetry she had us memorize, sex is with us for
life, as blessing and companion, as life-enhancer. The only things our
enemies can take from us are money and reputation. (Actually, that's not
true: there is injustice (miscarriage of justice), and there is misuse of
political power and victimization of various kinds, but Mom's Friend didn't
mention those, and I'll leave it at that.)

This is almost certainly the last of the series: I've said all I need or
care to say about our philosophy and about our sex, and I need to
concentrate more on helping Mom in her wasting illness and working on my
boyfriend's and my career prospects and personal plans, and other such
things. (My boyfriend has some concerns over what might happen if he were
someday to run for public office, recalling that Jack Ryan's campaign for
the U.S. Senate ended when his efforts to get his (now) ex-wife to visit sex
clubs became public knowledge.) I'm not excluding the possibility that I may
have a "remembrance of things past" sufficient to justify a further,
whimsical, essay, but don't count on it. I have lots to write about, but
sexual liberality would be only a small part of it. As it is, the writing I
do for my job on international affairs and politics is a universe away from
that. Plus, just as teens, even our teens, outgrow random sexuality and take
on a more serious family vocation eventually, usually after college, I think
I am outgrowing these. Plus I've probably said all I have to say, although I
have said that once or twice before. I had in mind to edit these essays, and
perhaps someday I'll find the time. Meanwhile they are Google-indexed at
http://tinyurl.com/6hdfl and searchable at
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/search.html
There are, admittedly, other essays I never got to write, among them one on
our philosophy and theology of semen. If I knew more about boy-psychology I
would have liked to write on comparative attitudes towards the penis by boys
and girls at different ages, but that's really the job of a professional. I
may try to get some aspects of my life story or my philosophy, properly
bowdlerized, published in a mainstream periodical; I garnered one surprising
expression of interest from a perfect stranger at a party. Thanks to all
those who have written over the past two years to encourage, to point out
factual (usually citation) errors, and to share their own cult- and
commune-experiences. Especially the guy, whoever he was (I don't save
e-mails) who corrected the attribution of my quotation from Bye Bye Birdie!)

I can't write back, but I did appreciate all the correspondence. It was nice
to know somebody was reading. (For the curious: 444 persons looked at the
linked B&W illustration in the last essay, according to the Angelfire
counter. So I figure over 1,000 read the essay. Not bad.)


Love to you all, and bye,
Carol

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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