Message-ID: <48799asstr$1092222602@assm.asstr-mirror.org> Return-Path: <cobillard@hotmail.com> X-Original-To: ckought69@hotmail.com Delivered-To: ckought69@hotmail.com X-Originating-Email: [cobillard@hotmail.com] User-Agent: Microsoft-Entourage/10.1.1.2418 From: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com> X-Original-Message-ID: <BD3EF4DB.1F355%cobillard@hotmail.com> Mime-version: 1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit X-OriginalArrivalTime: 10 Aug 2004 20:55:44.0986 (UTC) FILETIME=[67C2FBA0:01C47F1C] X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 21:55:39 +0100 Subject: {ASSM} A research journey in Baja California Lines: 1447 Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2004 07:10:02 -0400 Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org> Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/48799> X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Story-Submission: <ckought69@hotmail.com> X-Moderator-ID: dennyw, IceAltar A RESEARCH JOURNEY TO BAJA CALIFORNIA Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whole misadventured piteous overthrows Do with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; The which if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend. -- Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Prologue Since this is expected to the be last in this series of essays, in order to put into context my trip report for an inspection visit to Baja, I will recap the gist of my prior essays on my childhood, my puberty and my early sex. Mom's -- and Mom's Friend's -- views towards sex were shaped by years in Moses David's Children of God, and by their time spent flirty fishing. The CoG was an evolving sect, and Mom's philosophy and her theology continued to evolve, always affirming David Berg's insistence that at least from the moment of awareness of puberty, every boy and girl had a right, indeed a divine vocation, for sex. And that while love was fine and good, sex could easily be independent of commitment. I think, in retrospect, of Mom's admiration for Louis Abolafia and that picture of Louis and his girl of the moment. http://www.spectator.net/EDIMAGES/exotic/ex1.jpeg Mom used to say that Louis had about as nice a penis as a boy could have or a girl could want, and I guess she was right. It would have been a nice Presidential penis (Louis ran for president as the Nude Party candidate http://tinyurl.com/5ga36 ) Mom and her like-minded friends were products of the 1960s commune and free-sex movements. They wanted to raise their own kids to live out the memory, or the fantasy, of those years. Although they lived quite regular lives (apart from their progressive sex and child raising practices) they would go on to raise kids who, while sexually aware and advanced, were also well adjusted, intellectually curious and educationally and professionally reasonably successful. In the course of writing this autobiographic series, however, I have come to realize the most important difference between us and the mainstream: My girlfriends and I always knew that, when we reached our teen years, we would love taking penises in our mouths and that those penises would ejaculate semen, which we would enjoy. And, of course, that those penises would also go into our vaginas, and that semen in our vaginas could make us pregnant, and so on. The boys we played with always knew that, when their penises got big, they would want to kiss and lick girls' vaginas, and that they would put those penises in our mouths and vaginas and give us semen and make us very happy. This information did not give us much pause; we simply took it for granted that this is what girls who have breasts and pubic hair love to do. Mainstream little kids do not know that; mainstream teens have to work out for themselves, based on suppressive, perverted social "norms", what they can and can't, or should and shouldn't do. Our moms talked incessantly in our presence about sex, about climax, about semen; and about puberty and the uselessness and ungodliness of virginity. They had sex in our presence (i.e., "open door") and made us aware that oral sex is a fundamental and essential part of foreplay. They had added rules to Moses Berg's "Mo letter" dictates: that sex must be if not spontaneous then consensual; that it must be between peers, i.e., adolescents of the same age; that there must be mutual respect; that the girl must be in effective control and her opportunity for orgasm was paramount. They saw evil in the conventional rules enforcing modesty, embarrassment, secrecy, chastity, virginity. For this reason there was frequent nudity. For teens there were nude dances, there were close relationships with other alumnae of the CoG, with other like-minded single parents, communes, even families. Ejaculation was their Holy Communion; the erect penis the organ of God; orgasm His presence, and the sharing of bodily fluids -- the giving and receiving of semen -- the sharing of the Holy Spirit itself. First sex was First Communion. And always: they saw to it that boys were conditioned to treat girls as equals; to respect them as sexual equals; to absolutely, positively give priority to and take satisfaction from bringing a girl to orgasm. The test, as I see it: if a girl will take her boy's penis into her mouth post-coitus and treasure the its traces, its coating, of his and her liquids, will the boy kiss her vagina then and there, and not cringe from the scent and taste of his own semen? Surprised as outsiders may be when I have described the practice, the notion of a defloration or coming-out party -- a celebration of a girl's denial of meaning to virginity and a public display of affection and love of penis before family and friends -- seemed perfectly natural and inevitable to us. (Admittedly, it required too much planning and bother for most girls to bother with, but that's a separate issue.) I have to say that I mention them often regardless of their rarity because they are of symbolic and philosophical importance in proving the irrelevance of virginity. They also demonstrated, and were dependent upon, the intrinsic beauty of the vagina and the penis. The events were female-driven, mother-driven, and hence safe. The boy presenting his penis to the new girl -- who might be 13 or, rarely, a precocious 12; or he might be 14 or perhaps 15 -- might have had sex before or he might not. But both boy and girl would inevitably have seen other teens at our place flirting, touching, embracing and exchanging bodily fluids, even if only in the days running up the event. For the girl, the time it took to cycle birth control pills meant that she had plenty of time for second thoughts. Almost certainly the girl and perhaps the boy would have been staying with us for a week or more, maybe during one of the vacation weeks when we hosted a few like-minded kids from out of town, as a sort of teen camp. As for it being safe: some people are surprised that so many doctors cooperate with cults and sects and communes in matters of sex. Those of us who have been involved can only surmise that lots of men, and a few women, go into the profession because of their interest in cults and sex. Anyway, we had a (single mom) female doctor whose son and daughter were over all the time, and who were as sexy as can be, teasing, flirting and having sex in tandem. So there you are. (The doctor occasionally pierced girls' hymens for them and although a lot of girls didn't want it done, I think that it's not a bad idea. If the hymen has no symbolic function, why risk any pain when you have your first joy?) Becoming sexually active depends upon age, of course -- there is a sudden awareness on the part of everyone that she, or he, has both capacity and desire -- but also on opportunity and social approval. Most girls and boys would talk about their urges. And, unlike mainstream kids, we were not told to "wait until you're mature"; rather, we were shown the biological facts and explained that when our sex parts grew and we felt the attraction we would naturally come together and kiss each others sex parts and make each other very happy, and make semen flow from boy to girl. (Note the "kiss each others sex parts", said so matter of factly, taken for granted.) And, when we were ready we should speak up and we could do it at a party, playing with a penis and having great fun. But we had to have pubic hair first. ("Playing", of course, related well to the vocabulary of little girls. The inclusion of "pubic hair" provided an excuse to show and explain male and female anatomy, how they change at puberty, and perhaps how a penis gets erect and how semen comes out of it. The confusion in the minds of little children between urination and ejaculation, Mom's Friend had found, was best cleared up at the youngest age.) Mom and Mom's Friend insisted that sexual learning aptitude, like language learning ability, faded as puberty ended, so early learning and sex soon after puberty were important. The girl would have had, usually, more than a month to prepare for the event, to take birth control pills, to read "The Joy of Sex", to ask questions. During the days she stayed at Mom's Friend's she could see the penises and vaginas of other teens at play. And on the appointed day she would be seated nude on a bed, with a couple of girlfriends and their boys for the day nearby, and her own mother or sister there for support. And the boy, escorted by his mother or perhaps an older sister, would approach her tentatively and, in due course his penis would be inside her. The few occasions when I helped arrange attended, such a "coming out party" were touching and delightful. Anticipation -- by boy and girl and by family and friends -- was palpable. It was easy, of course, for girls to make the move to become sexually active -- gradually or all at once -- when they lived, visited often or were vacationing with us. Sometimes girls from the outside were brought in by mothers (in despair?) following a purported threat to have sex "with anyone" "just to see what it is like". These were usually older girls, 15 or 16. Within a certain circle, Mom's Friend was known as an advisor and confidante on handling sexy young teenage girls. "Wild", uncontrollable, chaotic girls she would have to turn away, but nice girls were always welcome. As, were their brothers, which would be another reason for them for the girls come: I've written before and will say more below, on the interest and familial love that moms and sisters have for their sons' and brothers' penises, and their natural eagerness to know everything in the most intimate detail of their boys' lovemaking. Only (mainly, anyway) at our place could such fantasies be realized. Only among us did and boys so unashamedly and unhesitatingly show off their ejaculations. Or girls so smilingly and proudly the semen they had collected on their tongues. It's odd to note that the notion that such actions could elsewhere be deemed "perverted" never occurred to us, partly because of the religious connotation we give to sex, from arousal to orgasm and ejaculation. (If I thought a mother or a sister was being too intrusive and indiscreet, and that she was watching too critically what I was doing to her boy's penis, I might go to the extreme of slowly licking the underside of the penis just below the corona in a circular motion, forever. It can take a half-hour for a boy to ejaculate that way, and when he does there will be a huge gush of semen and tremors will spread throughout his body. It puts on a terrific show, and meanwhile the mother or sister, however uninformed and doubtful she is about the technique, will have been hypnotized by the tongue motions, and the boy captivated (or, more likely, made impatient) by the slowness of his approach to orgasm. It takes some quick movement, and some luck, to capture the spurts of semen, but if the girl has positioned the penis carefully it will fall back onto the penis and her hand, and she can lick it off.) Aside from that issue of curiosity and voyeurism, mothers of these kids knew that sex wasn't bad per se, but that indiscriminate sex was harmful, dangerous. Those of them who shared our belief that there is a sacred side to romance and sex, quite apart from love and permanent commitment, understood that -- as happened with the "flirty fishers" of the CoG -- nonbelievers could and would take advantage, and see such beliefs as superstitious weakness and serendipitous vulnerability. With us, first sex had to be safe sex: parentally approved, and chaperoned. (By the way, while early sex won't entirely banish later dysfunction I think it goes some way to minimize it. It certainly raises the confidence level; and recent reports are that for men repeated sex from an early age reduces the risk of prostate problems.) After their first sex, kids were pretty much on their own to pair off, except at dance parties where we did the pairing by default. Those who think that all kids had sex every day misunderstand my essays and their message, however. Some boys and girls did; I think twice a week was average for the most active. For me, when I was at Community College, however, once a week was probably more accurate because I knew I would need a scholarship to go on to State University, and I had to take my studies seriously. Frequency of sex for us, as for everyone, depended upon opportunity, receptivity and time; we had the first two in plenty, but no more time than the average teen. What others needed that we didn't, of course, was privacy; contrariwise, with us any given time there might be a couple in some state of flirting or sexual union -- and arousal is contagious. But apart from the drama of a coming-out, girls do demand romantic engagement; it takes time to flirt and arouse and on most school days that would be unavailable. For kids with the time and the inclination, however, our basement and our backyard served as meeting places year 'round. Not, I hasten to add, a "meat market" but a meeting place, especially at certain times and seasons when non-residents were more numerous, for nude and sexy teens. So much of what I have been writing, and will write here, concerns the protocol either at our occasional defloration parties, at our dance parties, or at our vacation camps, when visiting kids, virgins or not, boarded for a week or two. In all of those cases the point was, somewhat like the "Harrad Experiment" to introduce kids to sex in a structured way, to enable them to get the most from their bodies. And to watch and keep them safe. In the process, however, one couldn't help concentrating on the penis, and the new boy, at least at first. As Mom's Friend told every girl, to take charge of a boy's penis is to take charge of the boy. So long as a boy's penis is in your mouth, you own him. Judge a boy by the way he handles his penis (and, implicitly, your vagina): this reflects on his character and on his worth. When a girl was put in our charge for her first sex experience, even though her mom would usually be there on the day we were in loco parentis. We helped select and we would monitor the penis that would deflower her. The boy had to be attractive, personable, memorable; his penis gentle and responsive, not intimidating. There is a certain quality to the ideal boy. Though shy, if he sees you looking at his penis he will turn his hips your way and smile sweetly, showing his pride and offering his love. This is how flirting could begin. One tried to sense whether he (if a virgin, which many debutante girls preferred) already knew our protocol, our rule: unlike the situation facing virtually any girl or any bride on her first intercourse in mainstream life, we virtually guaranteed every girl an orgasm her first time and most times thereafter. If it was a defloration party, the event was anyway structured: the girl would occasionally take her boy's penis in her mouth more or less as a sign of welcome and love and to familiarize herself with it, but the boy had to bring her to climax with his lips and tongue before his penis would be allowed to penetrate her vagina. And there were so many joys to remark on; and in the lead-up to their first embrace, these concerned mainly the boy and his penis. Before the event we (I anyway) would watch the boy walk and stare at his underpants and look at its bulge, at the state of its erection, guess at its shape and shading and texture and think of the little slit at its top and what the girl whose party this was would soon make happen. I am reminded, though, of the Arab driver I once had who insisted to me that the sight of a completely veiled woman on an Arab street could actually be sexy: on occasion what is hidden can be sexier than what is flaunted, and that is indeed true of the penis as much as the body as a whole. It is just so exciting to see a penis for the first time, to see a boy's briefs lowered; hence the game that we played so often of bringing a boy-surprise over to one of our girlfriends so she could pull down his underpants and enjoy her penis-surprise gift. Such incidents are special exceptions to the flirting and the slow buildup of emotion and tension that normally precedes a girl taking the penis into her mouth to make love to and upon and with. Virtually all the boys we knew were circumcised; in fact Mom's Friend virtually insisted on it. (I know that at least one boy were circumcised specifically so he could join our group after his sister was already involved with us; on the other hand circumcision of a mature penis is a real operation, and not cheap.) But one always wanted to check: could we see the outline of the glans through his briefs? Was his penis cute? Was it in motion and responding to the girl and to us? Did he acknowledge our stares at his penis with a shy smile? If the boy was 13 or 14 his sponsoring female -- mother, usually -- might escort him. Older than that and he would enter alone. I wrote of one time the mother thought she ought to help her son take off his briefs, and his penis was already quite big and erect and it got caught in his waistband, and his mom had to release it, and it sprang out and up, making us all laugh. Well, hadn't his mom cultivated her son and his penis for 14 years for this very occasion? Didn't she deserve to see and appreciate his erection and his ejaculation; and to see the vagina of the girl he would initiate? To see it wet with his, with her, DNA? This would be her last time to take charge: he was breaking away; she was turning him over to womankind as, almost, a free agent to make, to share, love. To share his penis as it grew: in wisdom as in size. I've written how mothers competed to get their sons on Mom's Friend's list; but there were few coming-out parties and few sons were called. It wasn't an auction; Mom's Friend's first obligation, she felt, was to her old friends at the CoG, and then to other committed mothers, and after that she took kids she thought could benefit most from a stay with us. She never denied taking into consideration her opinion about kids' genitals, and the way they carried themselves. When she hadn't seen them in person, or in the nude, but only in a bathing suit photo (no nude photos were ever allowed) she'd have to guess. Beyond that, it's just a fact of human sexuality that there are more males available for liberal sex than females, so generally Mom's Friend gave priority to a boy if he had a sister or female cousin or female family friend who also joined or visited. As you, dear reader, can imagine, this led to many reluctant girls visiting, but even shy girls have sexual needs and urges, whether they have come to their notice or not, and our sacred task was to awaken them. I always found it particularly cute when it was an older sister who escorted a boy, and even more so when the boy was shy, and perhaps a bit embarrassed for his sister to be seeing him erect, or even naked. Lots of times a 16-year-old sister would drive a 14-year-old boy over, and she would join in too. I cannot count the number of times a 16-year-old who thought she knew "everything" about sex had second thoughts when she learned about oral sex as foreplay and about our views on her entitlement to orgasm and our belief that semen represented holy communion. She may well have had sex before, but more than likely not our style of sex. When she got to see a penis close up, a penis that she could fondle to her heart's content, play with and love to bits without the arrogant nonsense boys sometimes put over, she would become one of us. One girl once described the penis of the boy she met at our place as "a kitten" that could be "stroked and licked and loved and would give pleasure forever". Well, not exactly, but the boy did give her semen on demand. Sisters always want to know about their brothers' development: their puberty, their first sex. They are always pushing their brothers towards sex, and of course later the will be in a position to help them find partners. In fact, sometimes the seduction was staged by one of us at a sister's behest. Strangely, moms who would never have pressed their kids and friends' kids to have sex with each other thought nothing of bringing them to our place to have sex "spontaneously". Of course the environment has something to do with it. You don't just tell a kid to go off and have sex with so-and-so because you arranged it with her mom and it's OK. At a lot of homes, family nudity is unknown; sometimes it happens but is contrived, as if by accident. In other homes, as in ours, it is welcomed. Mom's Friend's House was huge, and it had the basement and backyard that were centers of nudity. The brother-sister thing was a special case, but whatever their family background, finding themselves together in the nude somehow seemed to make sense and be natural, even if the two had never seen each other naked since puberty. At that point why shouldn't a boy appreciate his sister's breasts for what they are; or a girl her brother's penis? It is endearing to see a girl fascinated by her brother's penis. One imagined that its big erection astonished her, yet made her proud. Another boy's penis -- her own lover's -- might be sensual, sexy, desirable, but her brother's could be no less lovely and fascinating in a non-sexual way, even when that penis was in the throes of sex, even when it was ejaculating. (I told girls never to compare and judge penises based solely on appearance, but I'm sure most paid me no mind, and it's a rule I violated too from time to time.) It's not incest to appreciate beauty, to admire a brother's handsome body, any more than a sister should or would be embarrassed by her brother staring at her breasts, or at his sight of another boy's penis penetrating her and ejaculating semen into her. And especially her spreading her labia and exposing her vagina to her lover's kisses and his penis. The source of her joy should, and usually was, a source of pleasure for him. And vice versa. As far as I could tell, most (not all) boys seemed interested, proud, respectful and, indeed, validated, at the sight of a sister savoring and swallowing another boy's semen. It is, after all, part of the human cycle, the divine commandment. Oral sex is foreplay; penis in vagina the instrument of fecundity. "Go forth and multiply." And an intelligent boy should not be a hypocrite. If he wants nice girls to take his semen in their mouths happily and without hesitation, he cannot wish otherwise for his sister, or for that matter for his mother or his daughter. Fathers generally did not visit for coming-out parties because someone, perhaps Mom's Friend, had thought that they might feel challenged or jealous. Later, Rev. Mary said the same thing. But I never saw this actually happen, and anyway there's no reason to suppose that would be true of brothers. If a brother and sister came together for a week's vacation or for a dance party, it could be assumed they had made a commitment to support each other. And those times when it was a first opportunity for sex for one or both were a celebration of orgasm and joy; if anything was on a boy's mind when he saw her making love to a penis besides his sister's pleasure it would surely be the thought of his own forthcoming lovemaking. The best solution for any discomfort would be for the boy to hold his own partner close, to feel her breasts and explore her vagina while his sister carried on. When once I was with a brother who seemed slightly uncomfortable that way, I kissed him and began to stroke his penis; and when I saw semen leaking from his sister's mouth I right away took the brother's penis in mine and he forgot whatever was troubling him. At that point the tables were turned and his sister's eyes were drawn to what I was doing. I made sure to take her brother's penis out of my mouth from time to time to admire and so she could see it. When he finally ejaculated, I collected as much semen as I could on my tongue, and with my mouth wide open smiled in her direction. Then I swallowed the semen and displayed my empty mouth. I think the sister got so entranced by my act that she forgot her own boy. It was sensuous, and I think the girl learned from me. I had her brother bring me to climax with his tongue and put his penis in my vagina. Our sex went on and on and was delicious, literally and figuratively. By the time we were through, he and his sister were incapable of embarrassment by such things. We were outdoors then. It is just the loveliest thing to have gorgeous sex, and then to lie nude sharing the sight, and occasionally the touch, of each other's body for hours. My favorite thing would be not to wipe off the traces of semen on my crotch and his penis, but to let them dry, to bear witness to everybody of our lovemaking until the day was over. If you take the boy's penis in your mouth, even hours later, the lovely taste is still there, and you feel that sexy and romantic taste even before you've done anything. In the last case, I may have been over-reacting, or reacting to something that wasn't even there. If any first-sex event, including a coming-out party, is properly staged, the sibling discomfort issue shouldn't arise. It is just so endearing to see the girl and boy embrace and caress and kiss, and the girl play with the boy's penis and then position herself just so, with her vagina accessible and visible. Retrieve, dear reader, your own image of a 14-year-old vagina, ready for sex, the girl happy and fearless, and a boy near her anxious to please. This is why Mom thought that ideally the girl ought to spread and raise her legs with her vagina just at the end of the bed and her head raised on pillows and within her field of vision, and why she said the boy should kneel in front of her, kissing and licking her and bringing her to climax before standing up with penis poised to enter. She would be ready and moist, and she would be able to see, and forever remember the details of her own defloration. As a particular advantage, the boy's penis would be within her grap as soon as he entered the room and came close, and she could play with it and kiss and suck it as much as she liked until she was ready for it to go inside her. The only trouble was convincing a girl that she should contort herself so for her first intercourse. Bending her body and stretching out her legs sideways and upwards can be tiresome. Still, it says something about our child raising practices and conditioning that girls knew their lower parts were beautiful, knew that our boys would be anxious to explore and kiss them, and knew that we would all be delighted to witness the event. Although I have devoted a lot of words to the subject of the penis, in fact it was the girl who was the centerpiece of the event and whose breasts were the first objects on show and vagina its main point. The penis was there for her: to inspect, to fondle, to kiss and to love, and to use for her own pleasure. And ideally, the penis would be flaccid when he entered the room so it would be less obtrusive and the girl could take full credit for having made it erect. It didn't always work that way, however. I think I should describe a particular coming-out event, as told to me by Terrific Girl, who was there and who assisted, because it illustrates better than any I attended what I have just said. The girl, nude, freshly showered and lightly made up, sat shyly on the end of a bed in a small room, her legs together and her vagina hidden, but her cute breasts beckoning. Terrific Girl and her partner, another friend and her partner, and the two mothers were there too, the latter looking on with pride. The boy, already naked, came to the doorway and stood there a moment, scanning the room. It was daylight. The boy's eyes set upon the seated girl and then focused on her breasts. Her eyes meanwhile were fixed on his limp and soft penis. Terrific Girl described the boy's scrotum as "full and round" and she said he had "a nice batch of pubic hair for a 13 or 14-year old". Lovely. A kind, shy boy and a really nice penis, with the boy's proud mom sitting silently across the room. The girl smiled and beckoned him over. The boy's mother said something about having him sit next to the girl so they could cuddle, but the girl, not atypically for a 13-year old, wanted to play with his penis right away and she had the boy just stand in front of her and without much ado she felt and stroked his penis; and she then cupped his balls with one hand, tickling and embarrassing him. To silence his laugh she leaned forward and kissed his penis and popped it into her mouth. She held it firmly between her lips, moving her head back and forth, making it stiff. The boy thrust his shoulders back, his hips forward, concentrating on the sensation. The girl took the penis out of her mouth every few seconds to mark its progress towards full erection; she inspected the slit at the end, as if imagining the progress of his semen. Terrific Girl started to worry about possible premature ejaculation and she told the girl to stop what she was doing and had her lie back with her head supported by pillows and her legs akimbo, one girl on each side helping to hold her legs steady and apart and her vaginal area open to view. Meanwhile, even though her cute pink vagina was quite visible the girl reached down to move her labia apart, and she smiled provocatively. The boy stared at breasts, pubic hair, clitoris, vagina. Nature's hard-wiring and our conditioning took over: the beauty of the vagina drew him to get close. He dropped to his knees, his penis still erect, pulsating and swaying. He replaced the girl's fingers with his own and brought his eyes close to her vagina. He kissed her there, and ran his tongue up and down and around and inside. Her mother nodded approvingly. For a minute he passed his tongue in and out of her vagina, thrusting like a penis. He took all her pink parts into his mouth and kissed and sucked and caressed very gently and lightly with his tongue. He ran circles around her clitoris, and began a steady cycle of caresses with his tongue. (Terrific Girl later asked the girl about how it had felt, wondering how the boy had known so much about pleasuring a girl that way. She couldn't recall his answer.) His penis, meanwhile, moved about, still rather stiff. He kept up his oral caresses for a very long time: five minutes? Ten minutes? Then there were sighs and grunts, and fluids began to drip from the girl's vagina onto the towel beneath her. Terrific Girl thought the fluid was pinkish; perhaps it was still her period; the boy seemed not to notice or care. Signs, groans, grunts and then shrieks; and the girl shouted "now, now, now!". Terrific Girl told the boy to get to his feet right away; his mother, or maybe her mother, added something. The girl's mother was as ecstatic as if the orgasm had been hers. The boy stood up; his penis was not upright now but sticking straight out in front, his balls moving about. It was now almost exactly in line with the girl's open vagina; Terrific Girl, and probably all the witnesses, had a feeling of urgency in watching it, needing to see it enter and deflower her. Terrific Girl said that it seemed almost as if it were her vagina gaping open and waiting for a penis to enter: the need for fulfillment was disconcerting. Such a lovely penis, probably 5-1/2 inches in length and 4-1/2 in girth, she guessed -- exactly the sort of penis I had cultivated for seduction during my year on the houseboat. Boys seduced at that age belong to you for life: and, with luck, you will have set them on the road to a fabulous sex life. Anyway, the penis was darling, and it bobbed whimsically about until the boy took it in his hand to guide it home. The girl had been watching and feeling her boy's tongue working its way around her labia and inside her vagina and stroking her clitoris; now she could see the penis as he directed it towards her and moved closer. She cupped her hands between her thighs as if to guide it, and in an instant the boy closed in, their hands touched until his body pushed both away and his penis penetrated her completely, passing through her hymen and starting its thrusts. Then the boy paused briefly, as if to let the blood rush to his penis and strengthen and stiffen it; when that happened he resumed his cadence. Terrific Girl thought she sensed some anxiety; perhaps the boy was trying to catch a wave of orgasm. Then she saw signs of reassurance, of his passing the point of no return and orgasm coming on. His breathing became labored and there was a hint of semen: ejaculation. The boy collapsed on top of the girl, pushing her back against the pillows. They embraced and kissed for a moment; then she pushed him back up, bringing his penis back into view, and she had him sit down in her place and she knelt in front of him, playing with his limp, wet, sticky, semen-and-mucus-and-blood-coated penis. That penis, Terrific Girl said, was the most romantic symbol imaginable, glistening with sticky love. As the girl held it in fingers of her two hands it responded to her, rising slightly, and she put it in her mouth to taste their romance and their lovemaking. This, they later learned, is what the girl's mother had told her beforehand she should do. The two girls watching thought the scene incredibly touching but their boys were consumed with arousal, and nearly hysterical, and groping and feeling them and rubbing their own big, erect penises. Boy's mother and girl's mother congratulated themselves. Then they went out of the room to talk to Mom's Friend. When the girl had enough and had moved aside with her boy to rest and cuddle, Terrific Girl took over the bed and made her boy do to her what had been done to the girl, with her vagina high and exposed and his mouth covering it; and then when she had her climax his penis and hanging balls fully visible and she said that with all the electricity in the air and the rush of excitement and the sexual tension it was the best sex she'd ever had. Copying the newcomers also validated for them what they had just done, and, I suppose, to encourage them to try it with other partners. Like me, many newcomer girls would follow their first sex with non-penetrating oral sex. It's not so much residual pain, and certainly not regret over loss of unwanted hymen, but rather an eagerness to learn more about the penis that has brought so much pleasure and that is such fascinating bit of anatomy, and about the mysterious and holy semen that it dispenses to its lovers. Meanwhile, atmosphere and vision are so important to sexual joy, Terrific Girl insists, that it's pity most young girls don't want to listen to all her, and Mom's, advice. The point is, that for kids who grow up in an environment where they are taught that sex parts, and sex, are beautiful, making the most of exposing the vagina and the penis and the scrotum to the view of the partners and their witnesses is terribly important. So is the timing, and there are thresholds in life, rites of passage, and she and her mother would have decided the time was right for her. Never, not ever, did I know a girl to have second thoughts or regrets: this is the opposite of mainstream sexual initiation, where most girls regard their first sex experience as a disaster. I have no access to professional studies, but my impression is that when mainstream girls find their first sex painful it's because of lack of attention by the boy, out of ignorance mostly. With proper oral foreplay and pre-coital climax this just didn't happen. First, the girl was so eager to have the penis inside her, both to reward to boy and to fill herself with semen, that she probably would have disregarded all but the sharpest pain. (On that, remember what I've written above about our doctor having been happy to pierce girls' hymens for them.) Second, the boy would have spent enough time kissing and licking her vaginal opening and her clitoris above it, that her vagina would be filled with his saliva and her mucus, easing the way for his penis. Third, we matched boys and girls by age, and girls develop more quickly. So chances were good that the boy's penis would still be growing, and its size would never be a cause of abrasion or trauma. For us watching, there would be the delight of seeing a dilated, gaping vagina of a girl we love filled with a loving penis. Whether the boy was lying over her or standing at the foot of the bed, he would have the leverage to penetrate fully. Then we'd see rhythmical movement and hear the faint sloshing of penis in wet vagina and, always, repeated sighs from the girl, unforgettable pleasure reflected in her eyes. And, probably, disbelief in her boy's eyes at what he hath wrought. Inevitably our eyes would scan his penis at each thrust looking for the signs of semen. When he would take his penis out of her, sometimes someone would remind the girl (as Terrific Girl had) that she wasn't yet finished: when the boy has done, she must reacquaint herself with his penis and its lovely coating of semen and maybe squeeze a few more drops out to taste. If she was at the end of the bed, she need only sit up again, and his penis would be there for her, sticky with her stickiness, and his, her love and his. Ready to be kissed again, perhaps for some semen to be sucked from it. Kids who have grown up knowing that genitals are beautiful do not shrink from after-sex fondling, caressing, kissing and tasting. And note: this is basic. The confusion of mere watching with incest, child sexual abuse or indeed impropriety of any kind is a matter of hypocritical and repressive religious and social engineering. And for brothers and sisters double-dating (for that's what this is) the truth is that enjoying being present on the occasion of each other having sex is a matter of family pride and physical beauty, and happiness over a sibling's joy. (The importance of semen creates a conflict, of course, with present-day concerns over HIV. As I've explained before, Mom's Friend maintained a closed circuit of safe families and through the day the parties and events stopped this was not a problem. Her annual alumnae barbecues are relatively tame affairs these days as her cohort ages, with flirting and more by the second generation only in the margins. In real life, HIV is scarcely an issue for heterosexual under-21s in the USA of our social class, and anyway it's a moot point now.) When I spoke to her recently about the above defloration party in preparation for writing the above, Terrific Girl mentioned something that I hadn't noticed, but which I easily confirmed from leafing through my diaries. Coming out generally worked for a girl, as was intended, giving her sexual freedom. Yesterday she had been off limits, today she would be in play. Boys would respond to that by paying attention to her and her body, and she would respond to them by flirting. She could take the initiative: she had the right to flirt and more, and her interest in a boy's penis would be taken seriously. Her sexual self-confidence would be (to the initiated, anyway) obvious, her assertiveness palpable. Some girls, as I had, would look for pubescent boys to seduce; most would look for more experienced, worldly boys. In either case, girls almost always spent the next few days picking and choosing from among a crowd of eligible boys. Their eyes would be drawn, almost automatically, to those boys' penises. In summer, evenings especially, there would always be naked boys in the backyard. Naturally enough, the criterion for choice tended to be the most superficial: the shape, size, carriage of a boy's penis. She was free now, free to explore her fantasies and in our environment that meant oral sex and playing with and learning about boys' penises and testing Mom's Friend's philosophy of semen; and, most of all, finding out whether boys would reciprocate. Her defloration would have been among friends and family, the next day she would be among boys and girls she knew less well or not yet at all. From what Terrific Girl remembers and I recorded, there seems to have been a consistent pattern of hours-long flirting, with nobody alluding to the inevitable conclusion: the girl would sit down on the grass (or on the basement floor, as the case may be) near a couple of boys and, over an hour or so she and one particular boy would edge closer and closer until, somehow, his hands were on her breasts and, in due course, her hand was tentatively on his penis. Others would move discreetly away; but the minuet was exciting, literally, and some couples would form; and they would watch and mentally time the process leading up to her taking his penis into her mouth. The cleverest of boys would move around and under the girl's body until his mouth was under her vagina, and soon they would be making mutual oral love. For a young girl, for any girl, this is unforgettably romantic and joyous. Even if her attention wanes from the penis floating in her mouth, the boy benefits because of that memory and, more immediately, because as soon as the girl has reached climax, she will concentrate her best intellectual and physical effort on his penis and with all deliberate speed bring him to ejaculation and consume his semen. Terrific Girl and I agreed also that the semen in a debutante's mouth after such soixante-neuf, had special meaning, and would be savored and swallowed with love. We remembered also that we always had to warn girls to enforce Mom's Friend's code about their right to orgasm; that in the outside world once a boy has ejaculated he may feel no obligation to bring her to climax and that once the novelty of her freedom to play with her penis of choice has worn off she should exercise care and discretion, and make the boy first pleasure her. The magic of holding and kissing a penis is never lost, but a girl does become, or should become, more realistic in her expectations after the first dozen boys, and she will be firmer in her demands. The reality is that semen will lose its novelty for her -- but boys will not lose theirs for her and the girl will come to concentrate more on personality and less on the mechanics of sex. That is simple, observable fact. This is true also with respect to my experience in Mexico (below), although there it seems there was little under the circumstances that girls could or would do about it. How a girl responds to her initiation depends, in large part and unsurprisingly, on how she was brought up. It takes only a few words to a small child, in explaining and showing the purpose and use of penis and vagina, to get across how natural it is for sibling or parent or friends to have sex in each other's presence and that seeing and knowing the others' pleasure enhances one's own. It is something I have seen, casually and in good taste, all my life. (I'm reminded that the best test of parental sex education is the small boy with an incidental erection, something that should be pointed out, discreetly, to their sisters, also. Some, perhaps most, parents think it should be ignored. Mom's Friend disagreed, and she would always use the occasion to tell the boy that his penis, erect like that when bigger one day, would go nicely in a girl's mouth and in her vagina, and make them both very, very happy, and semen would come out and it would be lovely.) It says something about respect and love and mutual trust that, for example, Rev. Mary's daughter made love to her boyfriend with us not far away. I could describe similar incidents from Mom's Friend's House, but I think this one is more touching: "Rev. Mary's daughter was completely nude on one of the sofas, and her boy was kneeling in front of her with his mouth over her vagina and she was first giggling and bouncing about, her breasts jiggling in unison in a funny but lovely sort of dance, and then she was calmer as if realizing a need for concentration to achieve climax. A moment after that she was faraway-ecstatic, as orgasm approached from the distance; then as joy consumed her one saw her breasts heave and her eyes roll as that joy consumed her body and made her very, very happy. "The boy dropped his underpants to the floor and stripped off his T-shirt. Now he was leaning over her, his hands on the back of the sofa, his penis sticking out, his balls hanging below, his demeanor anxious and begging. The tip of his penis glistened. He panted. Rev. Mary's daughter teased her boy only for brief seconds. I thought her more vibrant than ever in her joy and just as at the Friday initiations one longed to see the hovering penis enter the open vagina, here again kissing and licking had made the girl's vagina so very ready and eager that it rather hurt me to see the boy's penis still outside. Anyway, in a lot less time than it has taken me to describe the event, the girl grasped her boy's penis in two hands and brought it to her vaginal opening and she, her mother, the boy's father, the other man and I watched it enter and then we watched her face. In her demeanor we could see, insofar as anyone can, the meaning of life. She was performing the greatest act that two people can perform, creating joy out of energy and friction. We saw too the face of love and as his penis entered and exited she moved, and her breasts moved, and we smiled." http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/45030 I wrote in that same essay of the brother-sister same-day coming out party that Rev. Mary had arranged, although their mother was there too: "When the couple finished, both couples joined their mothers for an embrace. The three mothers must have felt as I did when the 12-year-old kids showed me in the garden how they had mutual oral sex, and then vaginal sex, and were so proud as they approached me, her vagina wet and his penis sticky. I have written how I so much hope that children of mine will want me there when they first have sex, for support and to admire their beauty and to feel their joy. The mothers stared approvingly at their offsprings' bodies. The mother of the siblings turned her kids in such a way that the three of them formed a triangle, and her eyes moved up and down darting from her boy's penis and his balls to her daughter's vagina, then to her daughter's breasts and to the faces of both of them." It is said that brothers, like fathers, may be less comfortable watching a sister (or daughter) making love to a penis and swallowing semen, although I haven't found this to be a particular issue, as I have said. Girls never, I think, have that emotional interference. I have seen a sister watch, dreamily, as her brother's penis is taken out of a girl's mouth for inspection, its head covered with a viscous coating of semen that the girl then sucked back into her mouth and swallowed. In fact this happened several times at our dance parties. Thinking of it now makes me wish for a younger brother or a son whose maleness I can vicariously enjoy, whose semen is my DNA. I think of the 12-year-old kids who lived with Mom's Friend and who grew up seeing me have sex in the back yard, and, when they reached puberty, came to imitate me: "The boy and girl were both in mid puberty. I could see her cute little breasts and her wisps of pubic hair; I could see his penis in mid-growth and that he too had just a bit of hair there. They held hands and smiled, and then he was on the ground on his back and she was reversed above him, her mouth at his penis, just as I had shown them so many years ago. Her legs were spread wide apart, knees on the ground at either side of his head. All of her vaginal area was exposed, a lovely 11-1/2-year-old pubescent, angelic vagina, and the boy had his tongue already in it moving in and out and around and his lips were sucking on her labia, her clitoris, her vulva. She was sucking on his penis and it was growing hard; she started moving her head up and down its not-yet fully-grown length. She meanwhile groaned with obvious pleasure. After several minutes had passed she cried out "now" and did a gymnastic flip, landing on her back alongside the boy, her legs wide apart with knees bent, her vagina open, waiting expectantly. The boy quickly turned over and around and mounted her, his penis sticking out downwards very stiff, wet from her saliva. She guided his penis into her vagina, and he proceeded to pump her as she acknowledged his thrusts with more sighs. After a couple of minutes of slow thrusts he speeded up his pace, grunted, gasped and rolled over next to her, sitting up. He caught his breath, rose and pulled her to her feet with one hand. The two of them skipped over to Mom and me. I was so happy for them. I hugged them closely. The boy's penis was glistening wet all over." http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38098 Can you imagine a lovelier image? There was a particular minuet which girls didn't have to follow, but most did, relating to the order of sex and orgasm. A very few followed the specific pattern Mom had recommended, with the girl at the end of the bed and her legs akimbo; most girls were more conventional although they would learn other positions including that one later, especially for showing off. If the boy didn't have an erection to start with, the girl would probably need to take the initiative to lick and kiss and suck it, or at least to fondle it, since everybody expected to see his penis really stiff and eager right from the start. If the girl wasn't immediately ready for active lovemaking, she would have to signal that she wanted to spend time just kissing and caressing. Girls of 12 or 13 or 14, though, are usually happy to get right down to penis and vagina. It's immediately exciting and responsive, and the pleasure is rapid and immense. When girls are playing with a boy's penis or putting it in their mouths, I always suggest they try fondling the scrotum with one hand: a lot of boys are ticklish and this can serve for comic relief, so to speak. There is actually a more serious point here: the girl would assert her control over the situation. Once a girl had breastlets, she needed to know how to deal with the interest she aroused in males. She needed to know about the penis, and how she could have fun with it, yet stay in control. And how she could assure herself an orgasm whenever she felt the desire. Older Girl and I had a lecture we used to give to pubescent girls -- repeatedly, beginning with their earliest interest in sex -- about being in control. (I used to let Mom's Friend brief the boys on what to expect; I never felt comfortable doing that, perhaps because of my own history as serial seductress.) When she is ready, it is for the girl to signal. Frankly, anytime a girl is feels like sex, anytime she has the whim, there should be nothing to stop her having it. Boy's are easy to arouse and, frankly, when we were teens it didn't really matter which boy's penis we played with. We had crushes on them all. The only issue was the responsiveness of the particular boy to our needs. On the other hand, no boy who hesitated, even for a second, to kiss the vagina of one of Mom's Friend's favorite girls would ever get through the door of her house again.... An oral response to an exposed vagina obviously isn't the automatic result in mainstream life, but it is normal for boys and men in our community. It is the task of mothers and other women to see to it they know that, by showing and telling; and it's what Mom's Friend would explain to boys assigned to deflower one of our girls, and in fact to all of our visiting and vacationing boys. Only after his girl had reached climax or the threshold of climax should a male be allowed to put his penis in her vagina unless they were experienced partners who knew the girl's sensitivity and timing. Once she approached climax she would need and want the boy to put his penis in her vagina right away. It should work just the way it did for the girl at the defloration whom Terrific Girl attended. It didn't work that way for me, as readers may recall; it was a few weeks before I came to assert control in that way. After my first vaginal sex I had another priority: I wanted to take a boy's penis in my mouth and bring him to orgasm orally and feel his ejaculation, as I'd seen all the older girls do, time after time. I already knew that taking semen into my mouth was a sacred ritual. Now I had a penis in my hand and I was in charge of it; the boy looked at me expectantly. I played with it and studied it and tried to remember all the hints I'd been told, and to figure out the meaning of all the ridges and valleys. I caressed and sucked and made love to it and when, after minutes of increasing tension and sexual electricity he ejaculated into my mouth, I felt an accomplishment on the level of a First Communion. I looked around at the others watching, tasted the semen, and swallowed it. Right away, I was sorry it was gone from my mouth. The warmth of the semen, and its viscosity, surprised me. I was to discover that the urge to take a boy's penis in your mouth with others watching is a common girl-urge. Especially among my friends, raised as I was in the post-CoG, postmodern environment. And it was a way to show off one's boy's sensuality, erection and ejaculation all at once. But the boy had to reciprocate before or after, or both: he had to be seen to care for the girl, to delight in her orgasm, to love her vagina to bits and to want to kiss and lick her clitoris. Mom's Friend has aphorisms that she would recite: "don't hide your sex under a bushel" and "they tried to tell us we're to young" were two that she paraphrased. The responses of females and males to such a sight are quite different: by this time most of -- indeed all -- the boys in the room would be terribly aroused and antsy. Mom used to tell me to look for the boys with pre-cum as a special gift, or rather as avatar or symbol of pleasure to be had. Girls were more sedate, more sympathetic to the situation of the girl whose party it was. But, come what might, after the new couple had finished the other two or three couples would have sex too to celebrate their joy. I thought that mutual oral sex was lovely under such tense and aroused conditions; if the boy's penis wasn't too big I would lie back and take it in my mouth and he would take my entire vaginal opening and the soft parts including my clitoris in his mouth, and we would make love that way. If a boy's was older and his penis quite big, I might have him lie back and I could work just the tip of his penis with my mouth and tongue and when he ejaculated some of his semen would drip down sexily and make his penis and balls glimmer and shine. Other girls love to see that happen. His penis would then be slippery and it would fit nicely into my vagina even if it was no longer fully erect and he could enjoy a few thrusts and we could smile and kiss and embrace together. And I would have had a climax, and there would be semen in my vagina as well as my mouth: I would feel complete. Two other ex-CoG girls (not at Mom's Friend's House) have shown me self-portraits of themselves that way: totally satisfied and totally complete, sensuous and lovely; a reaffirmation that flirting (and its concomitant: sex) is God's command. Our dance parties, where we danced nude and inevitably had sex twice (some bragged "continuously") in a long evening, was another environment where 13- to 18-year-olds might fulfill their romantic fantasies and love urges. We had rules, as I have said, one of which that one had sex only with one's own partner, even if one happened to dance with others in the course of the evening. You could always arrange a date for another day: notwithstanding our liberal attitudes, the same-day rule (and some others) existed to keep the peace and maintain stability and decorum. These parties weren't open to the public, although guests I didn't know -- like the Big Breasted Girl and her date -- could be sponsored by others and would come. We would arrange partners; but as I've said elsewhere, generally boys from outside our own circle had to be sponsored by a girl who also attended. Not necessarily a date -- the sponsor could (and often was) the boy's sister; but this was our way of keeping the sexes in balance. As for day-long "monogamy", once a girl made her boy's penis hard, both boy and penis belonged to her. She could, and would, show it off; and she would show off the sexual process, too. It made sense that they should stay together for the day. Tomorrow each would be clean and fresh, showered and ready, relaxed and available: for each other, or for others. Or for nobody, if a person didn't feel like sex. It's funny how we took the rule for granted. Nobody would think to be offended that his or her partner for delightful sex the day before was being chaperoned by a new partner today, a different penis in a different girl's mouth and vagina: same semen, different romance. I wrote of the Big-Breasted Girl's first sex, and how lovely it was. How it was an intellectual decision on her part after seeing the 16-Year-Old Boy and I making love, to take her own date's penis into her vagina. She must have known there would be sex at a nude party, but perhaps, at 13, she didn't consider the implications for her. I wrote about that girl in the essay "On Puberty", cited above. The essential point is that there was mutuality of respect and romantic inclination, and mutuality of orgasm too. To see a girl open her mouth to let a stiff penis in, or to spread her legs wide so it can penetrate her vagina, is romantic. For her to have her eyes wide open and gazing lovingly and expectantly at the penis is divine. It's the closest we shall ever come to understanding the meaning of life. Coercion is rape: the most evil of crimes sins, constituting assassination of the soul. Girls need to learn self-defense on an emotional, as well as a physical plane. And it starts with self respect and mutuality of obligation and of pleasure. Semen is God's messenger and love's gift; but, unwanted or coerced, ejaculation is trespass and assault. Most girls will not appreciate pornography; all appreciate romance. Romance includes, for the initiated and the open-minded, the sight of arousal and its satisfaction in others: the cycle of penis from freshly washed and at rest to exited and erect, and then at work and making love. I have never cared to watch pornography, but seeing my friends at pleasure is different, and lovely. The mystery of ejaculation and the holiness of semen are qualities that had been brought to our notice as little kids. If kids are shielded from the sight of sex when they are toddlers, of course it will be intrusive to impose the experience on them later. But most likely, post-puberty, they will retain their embarrassment, their modesty: probably then they will never appreciate the communal, the holy, nature of erection and ejaculation. Not unless they have a moral leader, a minister, in whom they can believe and whom they can follow: that was, for all his faults, Moses David's genius. That it was natural became obvious the year I was living with Mom on the houseboat with a single bedroom and sometimes Mom and I would undress our respective lovers and ourselves, and our lovemaking -- a generation apart -- was enhanced because we were not alone and we had approval and protection from each other. All of this presented a challenge when we had our camps and our visitors and the kids hadn't been exposed to nudity and sex before they reached puberty. We had to re-program them. (I felt bad, in a way, after I had that "accidental" first sex on the floor, that I hadn't had my Mom around for the event. I tried to make up for it later, and I tried to learn from her too. That's how I became such an advocate for showing off my vagina and making sure the boy and I, and bystanders, could see my vaginal area and the boy's penis and balls, and all of the movement of the penis in and out of me. I tell people how, when I'm alone, I sometimes have the visions of my favorite penises at work that way. Especially in the wake of cunnilingus, to have sight of the penis reinforcing your climax and then perhaps to see traces of semen as the boy ejaculates is just the loveliest experience.) Astonishing as it may be, it's not the boy whose penis is in your mouth who is best placed to instruct you on how to give him the most pleasure, although he can and should speak up. When I seduced a boy for the first time, it would be a boy without experience and without exposure, so we'd be alone. But I could still discuss it with Mom later, and when, once or twice, I decided to have one of those boys try mutual oral sex with me, it was conditional on his not being uneasy if Mom was there with her own partner. From Mom's standpoint this provided competition for her middle-aged consort, who would then have to spend more time with his tongue in her vagina and ministering to her clitoris, and so on. If the kids alongside were doing it, so would he. I think to see the normality, even the banality, of an older woman taking a penis into her mouth, and her partner sucking her soft parts into his and caressing them with his tongue had to be reassuring to a pubescent boy -- once he abandoned his false modesty. A boy's apprehension is obvious, of course, from the state of tension of his penis. I always liked -- and I like now -- to prolong the anticipation, and to keep a boy's penis erect and waiting longer than he would like; if I can judge his closeness to ejaculation I can change the pace of its movement in and out of my mouth, or I can take it out of my mouth and just admire it, and that will delay things. A penis is harder to control in the course of "soixante-neuf"; that's something which comes from experience and not concentrating only on your own progress towards orgasm. Even then, if both partners have orgasm at the same time, it's more likely to be an accident than the result of any special effort or skill. Perhaps it made a difference for us that everybody, parents and children, were professional of background and educated (or at least self-educated). On my trip to Baja California to see the "other side" of parentally-condoned and -encouraged teen sex, it was all different. That's what I want to write about now. ----- ----- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ I had originally wanted to meet "Dr. John Smith", who had published a short treatise in Tijuana about sex education and sexual freedom for adolescents, a treatise that accords with my own views and experience. I wanted to know if there are, as I have heard, communities of likeminded families in Mexico that raise their children to be unafraid of sex and who implement his program: "-- proper sex education beginning at birth: parents should both explain and show their children, from the earliest age, the nature and function of genitals and their physical expression of love and romance "-- casual nudity within the family: not persistent naturism, but rather incidental visibility of the naked body of all ages, whether by walking nude from bathroom to bedroom or by family recreation in sauna, hot tub, Jacuzzi or swimming pool "-- from puberty, access to similarly-minded teens for safe experimentation, with parental supervision "-- maximization of female empowerment in matters of sex and of access to orgasm. This implies that children should know from an early age that oral sex is right and good, and that females should be able to direct the progress of sex relations to assure themselves pleasure and satisfaction." I visited Tijuana months ago with a friend, but the contact details I was given were obsolete. I never found Dr. Smith, nor any liberated community that took on board his Four Points or that could be seen as a possible successor to Mom's Friend's House. Eventually I did get in touch with a couple who had promoted a timeshare further south dedicated to the "liberated family". I spent a few days there. Daytimes there were rather ordinary: adults and kids in the pool, and at sports, and golf and tennis and ping pong and board games. Access to the beach and to fishing and boating and "paracaidas" and other water stuff. And shopping and restaurants in the town. In the evenings, the tenor would change, though. Even before dark, clothes would come off; in fact by afternoon at the latest many or most of the girls were topless. Middle-aged men, and a few women, would congregate afternoons around the bar and drink Dos Equis Special, Carta Blanca, Tecate. Or, occasionally, margaritas or sangria. A TV played in Spanish above the bar; nobody watched it. The men would leer in the direction of the pool as teens cavorted topless and, later in the evening, as naked boys and girls played with each others' bodies. Once it got dark there would be more touching and there would be sex and the men, some of them presumably fathers of the girls and boys, would watch languidly. And perhaps afterwards go back to their own "apartamento" in the "fraccionamiento" to have sex. There were always a few women around: wives, girlfriends, Mexican consorts. Topless, too; occasionally they would try to compete in sexuality with the teens, and oral sex was not unknown at the bar. For the men, arrogance would, at that stage of life, be proportional to wealth; also I wondered how many of the senior erections owed something to Viagra and its competitors. (Later I would learn that more than a few of the leering geezers had younger, absent wives somewhere who were busy having sex with their own temporary partners; that those wives paid for cunnilingus with gifts of clothing and gold jewelry to their Mexican or American studs and gigolos.) Mostly, the men, especially once drunk, were harmless enough: indeed, some of the girls and boys would prance over alone or in pairs, ejaculation accomplished and semen dripping to tease them and to get a free drink. The bartender was used to it; his job and his tips depended on making small talk in English and pretending to "see no evil". But it was the teenagers whose activities interested me, because their attitude was so different from ours, back in Our Town. As I shall explain, there was a difference in culture. Growing up, I always knew that, while sex was for grown-ups, (1) "grown-up" meant pubic hair, breasts, a bigger penis, and so on, and (2) penises were lovely to cuddle and kiss. For the kids I was to observe, as for most of mainstream America, kissing a penis is a crime against nature, but girls do it because (a) they are intimidated or blackmailed into it or (b) they want something, and "don't mind doing something dirty to get it". The difference is really quite amazing. Even if you consider Asian women who are said to be quick to fellate Western men (and presumably Asian men, too), that is (allegedly) because of their subservient role and status, so the case fits under (a); it's just social, instead of personal, intimidation. I guess sodomy laws are unenforceable now, since Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003) http://laws.findlaw.com/us/000/02-102.html but it seems to me that they were, and to the extent they're still on the books are, the real "crimes against nature". To any girl who has grown up in an environment of family and friends enjoying casual, gentle, romantic, fulfilling sex the way we did, the notion of taking a penis in hand, watching it grow stiff, and kissing, fondling, caressing and loving it is the most natural thing in the world. The blessing my generation of offspring of the children of the 60s got was that we grew up taking this for granted. Moses David added that flirting could be evangelizing and, in addition, that children were entitled to their sexuality. I don't think the world has yet caught up to that. Not even laissez-faire Mexico, but then Latino macho culture has its own problems. On one of the nights I was there, a reluctant girl, newly arrived, and already plied with a considerable number of alco-pops (I supposed, anyway: there were Sauza Diablo bottles around), was coerced into taking off her bikini and showing off her crotch. Then she was pressed into, hypothetically, choosing one of the penises on display. There were a half dozen boys in a row, aged between 14 and 17 or so, and four or five girls doing all the talking. ("Which penis would you like to have, if you were having one?" "Which is the sexiest?" "Can you see how they all want you?" "Wouldn't you like to hold one and kiss it and make it hard?" "Just look at that beautiful, sexy cock!") The new girl was made to sit on the edge of a pool chaise longue with the selected boy ("selected" only because she hadn't objected when one of the girls had pushed him forward) next to her. She wouldn't be allowed to resist his advances. Another girl stood behind a boy and fondled his penis and then knelt in front of him and kissed it ostentatiously; before long kids were paired off, seemingly at random, and several of the boys had erections. There was crude teasing. One girl took the seated girl's hand and clasped it around her boy's penis. The girl could not have been more than 14; perhaps she was even younger. I think 14 is the de facto age of consent for sex in Mexico anyway, although there is disagreement on that: http://www.ageofconsent.com/mexico.htm And in Mexico 92 percent of males and 91 percent of females have had sex before their 15th birthday, at least according to one school survey. http://www.popcouncil.org/pdfs/horizons/schoolsbsln.pdf Unlike the girls at Mom's Friend's House, unlike me in Our Town, the girl was not taking the initiative to imitate her peers, rather her peers were pressing her to be have sex. Her parent or parents were nowhere to be found; or perhaps, given the uncouth nature of that community, her dad was at the bar watching. If so, I couldn't spot him. By the time I looked back towards her, the boy had her on his lap and was caressing her breasts, running his fingers inside her vulva, then inside her vagina, periodically licking his fingers and telling her he loved her. He moved her head towards his and kissed her on the lips. Then he lay her down and began to play with her breasts in earnest, to kiss her mouth and her nipples. She seemed petrified, really, like the proverbial deer before headlights, so that when the boy, by this time lying on top of her, pulled her legs apart, moistened his penis and put it inside her, she was doing little else besides looking up at the sky. Thinking of England, perhaps. After a few minutes, somebody reminded the boy of something, and he got off her and put on a condom. The girl was moaning but motionless, perhaps he had hurt her; more than likely he didn't care. Once he put the condom on his penis was back inside her, moving up and down, in and out, rather too carelessly I thought. Even if she didn't have anxiety and pain to keep her from having an orgasm. When his penis was done with her vagina, the boy was done with the girl. I saw some other (second string?) guy approach her and I assumed (correctly, as it turned out) that he was grooming her for tomorrow. (Where had I seen this picture before? Actually, it's happened even at our coming-out parties, so being attracted to the object of some other guy's lovemaking isn't necessarily a bad thing.) The second boy never left the girl's side all evening. At least he was solicitous of her. In the end, he didn't wait for tomorrow: his penis was inside her vagina before the bar closed for the night. I don't think the girl was in a state to make up her mind, or to refuse; and she was glad of the companionship. I supposed that her parents wouldn't mind; after all they had brought her here, and not just so that they, the parents, could have free sex. The next night I saw the same girl with that second boy's penis in her mouth: she had joined the club. Whether she was, or would, have a good time I couldn't say. He was talking to her, giving her instructions; and he held his penis at its base and directed its angle of entry into her mouth, and he pushed his hips back and forth in time against the movements of her head. The leering men watched from afar; I was nearby. I would have advised her to more her tongue more actively, but I kept my counsel. After her boy had ejaculated he asked her if she liked it and she nodded that she did; but not with any conviction, not that I could tell. I didn't see her either swallow the semen or spit it out; whatever she did she accomplished discreetly beyond the few drips I could see at a corner of her mouth. Perhaps she kept it in her mouth until she went into the pool, which led me to wonder about its sanitary qualities. She did seem to crave the support of the other kids, their company. Now that she was in play, she was certainly in demand. Perhaps that is how most kids, on the outside, away from our type of theologically-oriented sex, come to have early sex. Isn't that what they do in the Ozarks, in Appalachia, in the Bayou? But in that case, who is looking after their best interests, their safety? Who is assuring the girl an orgasm? There were more boys than girls here; clearly there was a pecking order and some of the boys were excluded. Several nerdy types had their own partners, but they were a group, or as my French-Canadian colleague likes to say (pejoratively), a "groupuscule", of their own. I would have liked to spend some time observing them, but I thought I would get less, or no, cooperation from the main social grouping of sexually-active kids if I did. The nerds kept to themselves in the pool and were less noisy, and less drunk, though also topless. And, by the end of the evening, naked. There is something else I noticed. Little girls often sit cross-legged when naked, in an ungainly way that makes their vaginal openings visible. Mothers, of course, remind them not to sit that way, to sit instead "ladylike", with their legs together. In our vacation camps, when Mom's Friend had kids over for "sex education" and "relationship awareness" weeks, as she called them, girls who'd enjoyed their first sex, or their first public sex, would often sit that way, too, by way of showing off their vaginas and teasing the boys, trying to create excitement, perhaps provoke an erection. I saw this among some of the older, experienced girls in Baja: but there they were being provocative towards everybody, especially the geezers at the bar. I once met a lawyer who had worked on the Larry Flynt case, and she said his magazine specialized in that sort of image. The movie (The People vs. Larry Flynt) didn't make that so clear, at least not as I remember it. I guess it's perfectly normal for a girl to want to provoke an erection, to have the penis of the boy seated opposite her erect and pointing, whether or not she has any intention of touching it or having it touch her. The fact is that if sex didn't happen spontaneously, somebody would suggest they play crude sex games or maybe that they put on a boom box and start dancing. None of that was new to me, of course; certainly not the blunt challenge to a boy that, "if you like my vagina so much you will kiss it and make me feel good and I will make it worth your while". At the bar, men were propositioning any girl who approached, especially me. Staring, as I thought, at my breasts. I asked one whether, after he'd propositioned 999 women and been slapped in the face 999 times, wouldn't he be reticent to proposition a 1,000th? He said "not at all". At least he didn't ask me what "reticent" meant. I felt protected by numbers, although I could feel, somehow, an urge, or a threat, to grope on their part. I never took off my bikini bottoms: it seemed to me that I was Working Press, and going halfway towards accommodating local (un)dress was enough. I wondered what their wives and girlfriends were doing. I told the men I was busy. Their penises, geriatric some of them, amused me; but I didn't care to get close to any of them. And I had other priorities, namely my boyfriend who would be meeting me in Mexico City in a couple of days. I looked again at the girls and wondered how many of them would have orgasms. It seemed to me that they were aggressively pursuing not their own interests, not girls' interests, but boys' chauvinistic prejudices, arrogance and lust. I thought of the women who promote female genital mutilation and deprive generations of women of sexual pleasure out of inherited superstition. The Muslim women who wear their burkas or hijabs or chadors in downtown Los Angeles, New York, Paris and London. It is the women performing the aggression, the discrimination, on themselves by proxy on behalf of men, or imagined men. How different from our world, where boys are conditioned -- made -- to assure their partners a climax, where oral sex, cunnilingus, is part and parcel of shared values. I thought of the anecdote Mom had told me, years ago, that she'd heard or read: a feminist writer from New York had gone out West to explore sex with cowboys, only to be told by one superficially sexy cowboy that he wouldn't "eat her vagina" because he's "not gay". Say that again? At one point I saw one of the men from the bar go off somewhere with an adolescent girl who seemed to be not much more than a teenybopper. At first I thought he was her dad, but from her smirk when she returned I came to think she had been paid for sex and (from the way she carried her breasts and her smirk and repeatedly adjusted her bikini bottoms, which were all she had on) that she was perhaps a couple of years older than she looked. And I suspected she would not get to spend all or much of the money on herself, that her crowd would spend it for her. Anyway, when I left her she was face to face with a penis, but not in the romantic way I was used to: instead of a sexy smile there was a smirk. There were other objectionable aspects to the Baja scene that I heard about but didn't see. There was taunting and ridicule, especially of younger boys; and there was a hierarchy or pecking order based on athletic reputation and, to some extent, on penile size. These are, as readers will know at least at the extremes, irrelevant to quality of orgasm given and received. In the course of a day and evening, and especially once orgasm is shared, intellect and wit are likely to play more important roles. It's OK when one is only acting the part (as in "I am Sam" or in "Forrest Gump") for a sexy actor to play the part of a harebrained person. In real life, sexiness and feeblemindedness don't go together: think, for example, of George W. Bush. But those kids were too ignorant to know it. Beauty is temporary, dumb is forever, etc., etc. Whatever might be said for the fun they were having, there was no intellectual structure behind them, no moral reference. One may disagree with the morality of an alien culture or another religion, or the group next door -- or even Mom's Friend's morality and teachings -- just as most of us are at least astonished, if not horrified, by the practices in Colorado City, Arizona and Hilldale, Utah of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But we and they have moral structure: even if some or most outsiders consider it wrong, it is still "structure". Thus Mom's Friend enforces rules on consent, on same-age sex, and even against what she considers "crimes against nature"; and especially she enforces norms of female rights. The "new polygamists" have a set of core beliefs that underlie their practices too. In the absence of core beliefs there is chaos, unpredictability and unfairness. My objection to the fundamentalist Mormons is the same as my objection to Islam: the exclusion from decision-making and the social subordination of women. Women make better, and fairer, arbiters of sexual morality and sexual equality than men: this is biological and innate. Unless, of course, the women are proxies for men and enforce upon themselves the kind of discrimination and outrage that I have so often railed against. I want men to be delighted by me, and by other women. But let it not be at the sacrifice of my own pleasure and delight. The point is that while in our environment, in Our Town, we didn't make a practice of ignoring, of looking away, when our friends were having sexual fun, neither did we ever try to score points at their expense. When that girl walked by while I was on the floor with a young boy ("Boy No. 2") under me and we were in the midst of mutual oral sex and she critiqued his crude efforts at trying to reach my clitoris with his tongue, she was not being mean or cruel but constructive and funny, even if I had to chase her away because we couldn't concentrate on our orgasms with her there. http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37735 ("I thought it might be nice to have mutual oral sex. I didn't so much ask him as just lead him to the floor and have him lie on his back. I mounted him, my mouth above his penis and my vagina above his mouth. I put his penis back in my mouth and continued doing what I had been doing before. The challenge for him was now to figure out what he had to do to me when I couldn't tell him.") The kids there in Mexico were using sex not only for their individual (note that I do not say their "mutual" or "reciprocal") pleasure but as a matter of power; and the girls only seemed to have worth, and self-worth, when they were in proximity of a penis, preferably erect. And like the tree that makes a noise in the forest only if someone is listening, that sex had to be validated by being seen by others: which, I suppose, is why the leering geezers were tolerated and encouraged and teased. Of course for the status of the most desired and sexually active girls and boys to be validated, there had to be outsiders: not just the "nerds", who had their own circle and their own style and their own (probably better) sex, but the rejects, the boys who would not get any sex unless they went outside the compound and paid Mexican prostitutes for it. Do I see a similarity with "Bowling for Columbine"? Or, more specifically, with Columbine itself? To clarify and reiterate: as a long-time observer of, and participant in, adolescent sex I am aware how it can degenerate into a cruel game. This is why Mom's Friend thought it so important to maintain standards, and that those standards should be controlled and enforced by women and girls. Only in such an environment, she said later, was the separation of sexual inhibition from commitment socially and psychologically and physically safe. And since Mom's Friend saw both (frequent) oral love and vaginal intercourse as divine commands, applicable from the moment of puberty, the rest was implicitly, also, divine command. It is absolutely true that the child who grows up in an environment where genitals are thought to be beautiful instruments of God and to be seen and admired -- rather than ugly, sinful and embarrassing appurtenances always to be hidden -- will be a happier, well-adjusted, and almost certainly a sexually confident and satisfied, adult. There are, indeed, tactful, discreet and non-intrusive ways for boys and girls to be made familiar with vagina and clitoris and penis and testicles, respectively, in a non-sexual way and free from "abuse". Biology and anatomy are, after all, legitimate subjects of study, apart from anthropology and sociology. Even at a kid-level. Back in that Baja compound, for the girl with the largest self-sustaining boobs and the guy with the biggest dick (in length and girth combined) to strut around self-importantly, and for her to feel the need to struggle with his penis uncomfortably in her mouth and her vagina twice a day with others watching, is demeaning, cheapening, and ignores the whole point of sex: that the female, by being brought to climax, is brought to the divine: and that she does not need to have her communion only second-hand, through the ejaculation of her partner. I don't believe in unilateral, unrequited (i.e., narcissistic) sex. My partner will bring me to climax, usually orally; then and only then have I reached the state where I desperately need his semen and he has a right to expect me to take it. Not so much to validate my own sexuality, but to confirm our mutual condition, our romantic endeavor. I find that many people not of our group fail to be aroused at the sight of boy kissing girl's vagina: these are the people who see cloaca in vagina and debasement in oral sex. One of the reasons Mom used to say that raising a girl's legs and spreading them wide was best was to give not just girl and boy, but bystanders too, the best view of what otherwise may be hidden: the inner sanctum of vagina. As well, of course, as the entry of the penis, the lovely movement of scrotum and balls, the liquidity, the mounting tension, and the semen and blood. I said that before. The first time I saw a girl in that position I realized that mother was right, and thereafter I tried it myself from time to time so I could watch and be watched. It is very dramatic and very lovely, in the same way that mutual oral sex with girl on top lets both the boy on the bottom and anyone looking see the girl's vagina as ultimate-chic and ultimate-beauty: a gaping channel wanting a penis, tense clitoris expecting climax -- and the witnesses vicariously feeling the thrill of penetration and first thrust. (It's not just the girl, but the bystander too who will hope that the boy's erection survives ejaculation in her mouth, so he can put his penis in the dilated vagina and they can make more love face to face.) I also found that boys who had seen me at sex that way might fall in love with my vagina; anyway I'd have my pick of them, which made me feel gratified, important and gorgeous. One likes to show off one's beauty, and one likes to be admired. I did make that point to the Mexico crowd, sort of putting the cat among the pigeons, actually. On my last evening there, I saw a girl try it out, but the facilities weren't quite the same -- the height of the surface the girl is lying on is all-important since her exposed vagina has to be at a level that the standing or leaning boy's penis can reach without contortion. In his case, the girl lay back on a blanket poolside with her legs out of the way and her vagina and her head raised by cushions, and the boy was on his knees in front of her. From above and to the side, and from the bar, one could see the boy's penis entering her vagina more or less horizontally; his balls hung below on the blanket. The boy's hands were braced on the girl's body, but he had some difficulty still in managing his thrusts. His penis was of average length, which was quite enough, but he lacked the kind of leverage he would have had if she had been on a raised surface with her vagina at its edge and his penis was poised just above it, more or less like the picture I referred to in my last essay, and I've juxtaposed images of the two positions (instructional pictures posed by models; Mom's Friend never allowed nude photos of her girls and I certainly didn't take any in Baja) on a Web page so you can see what I mean. http://tinyurl.com/584ym Even in the first picture the girl is really too far from the end of the bed to give the boy easy access, although much depends on his height, and so forth. I remember that at Rev. Mary's, because the sofa wasn't high enough the daughter's boyfriend did have to lean over her and then support himself with his hands and the daughter had to guide his penis into her vagina. Mom actually had more to say about the "raised", vagina-elevating, position, but it wasn't relevant to the event, or consistent with what she was trying to accomplish. If genitals are generically beautiful, there are still degrees of beauty within the class. "Proportionality" is important: for the same reason that classical sculptors create images of genitals that are slightly smaller than average. As I pointed out in my essay about the "Second Annual Best Penis Contest" http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47514 the most important attribute is functionality. Still, it's nice to see a finely-formed, sensuously-aroused and very tense and pulsating penis, its round head beckoning, its slit promising what I would like to call a "gushing surprise". And, optimally, there will be a drop of seminal fluid, and the testicles distinct and moving about. The latter, of course, is a matter of ambient temperature and also of physique; but boys have been known to "improve" their scrotums over time with weights. Harmless enough, I suppose, although I don't think much of artificial enhancements generally. There are philosophers who have argued that penis and semen (DNA, stuff of life), vagina and vaginal blood are more truly body and blood of Christ than bread and wine; I'm not qualified to agree or disagree but there can be no doubt that the state of euphoria that produces semen and makes it irresistible to the girl is the state of ultimate holiness. But, like any holy quality, it can be faked, as the arrest and conviction of all those priest-pedophiles has proved. This is why sex education from toddlerhood is so important: one cannot recognize danger without knowing it. Spontaneity in sex, as in religion, is a blessing, Mom always thought it silly that people should think one had to go to church, or to pray, on a schedule anymore than one should expect to have sex on a schedule. In either case, praying or having sex, one should engage in it because one is eager and inspired and for no other reasons. When I described our nude dance parties I said that they would start out quite calm and staid. Nobody was required or expected to do anything. It was the collective magnetism and, in due course, the erections and the giggling and the simultaneous arousal, that made abstention and "just saying no" impossible. There are even today liberal (if secret) subcultures in most communities where kids who have become sexually active at 12, 13 or 14 can carry on safely. (I was going to include the word "precociously" and then thought better of it, since it conflicts with my arguments.) A few of these have been brought to my attention by readers, others have been mentioned in public documents. There are in fact, at every school or at least in every city, discreet teen sex clubs. Absent abusive relationships, interference by the authorities is nonexistent. (A Google search under "sexually aggressive children" will lead you to literature describing exceptional cases. "Aggression" invariably refers to domination of girls by boys; girl "assertiveness" of the sort Mom's Friend promoted is never an issue.) Our alumnae/alumni would typically visit with us for another week the next year. It was fun to see their development, physically and emotionally over the intervening time. I've forgotten now how long it takes a penis to grow to maturity -- One year? Two years? Anyway, it develops in other ways until the age of 16 or so, but it takes well under a year to be useful for sex from the first sign of hormonal change. (For me, and I think for every girl, and for every parent, the mystery of boys' puberty is charming and engrossing. I think back on all the boys I watched awakening to sex and whose penises I watched mature; and in my childhood diaries I can see comments I made during and after their puberty, impressions their penises made upon my mouth and their personalities upon my mind. Thoughts about semen and wonderment over the romantic endeavor. What lovely comparisons, what lovely memories!) Conclusion: I had hoped to discover, in Mexico where it's seemingly legal, a vacation camp that provides the kind of environment Mom's Friend used to, where adolescents can discover themselves and others and can awaken to safe sex. I still have a dream of finding, or founding, such a place, a timeshare or a hotel-country club environment. My visit to Baja made me realize, though, that it isn't enough to be tolerant. There have to be rules, and a commitment on the part of the parents and the kids. And apparently one of those rules -- female control of her own body -- is not so easily enforced as I would have thought. For example, the lessons and norms of oral foreplay and mutual orgasm are unenforceable in chaos. Obviously the easiest solution is to be "high-end", i.e., expensive: to charge so much that like-minded educated, committed professionals and intellectuals come with their families and others stay away. One wants public displays of affection, and also romance, arousal and pride of semen; not displays of power and one-upmanship. One wants juvenile wonderment and adolescent discovery, not arrogant sense of entitlement and selfish gratification at the expense of others. Above all, one wants to banish hypocrisy and value kindness. To repeat another thing: the point is not, by the way, to dismiss or to discourage long-term relationships, or marriage, or fidelity. Indeed, nobody has ever discouraged that pair of kids still at Mom's Friend's House from being loyal to each other. As far as I know, neither has ever had sex with any other. The point is to recognize that experimental sex with multiple partners is normal post-pubertal behavior dictated by God and nature, and that without learning fully the sexual side of life one will enter adulthood, and make relationship choices, out of chance and by ignorance. One may be lucky enough, as Romeo and Juliet were, to meet a life partner at age 12 or 14; hence the quotation at the start of this essay. Or one may not be. But the option should be there; childhood sweethearts don't always, or often, turn out to be sexually compatible, although it's nice when they do. The examples I have selected, in this and other essays, are representative but not exclusive. To write more on sex among the 16-20 crowd and less on pubescent brats might have been more representative, but it would not have illustrated the political point I mainly wanted to make: that repression of instinctive, natural sex from the moment of puberty is hypocritical and damaging. For the same reason, I didn't write much about our other (non-sex) activities. However, I have pointed out before that Mom's Friend put even greater emphasis on academics, classics, music, art, lifetime sports and other intellectual things than she did on early sex exploration. But, like those other things, like the poetry she had us memorize, sex is with us for life, as blessing and companion, as life-enhancer. The only things our enemies can take from us are money and reputation. (Actually, that's not true: there is injustice (miscarriage of justice), and there is misuse of political power and victimization of various kinds, but Mom's Friend didn't mention those, and I'll leave it at that.) This is almost certainly the last of the series: I've said all I need or care to say about our philosophy and about our sex, and I need to concentrate more on helping Mom in her wasting illness and working on my boyfriend's and my career prospects and personal plans, and other such things. (My boyfriend has some concerns over what might happen if he were someday to run for public office, recalling that Jack Ryan's campaign for the U.S. Senate ended when his efforts to get his (now) ex-wife to visit sex clubs became public knowledge.) I'm not excluding the possibility that I may have a "remembrance of things past" sufficient to justify a further, whimsical, essay, but don't count on it. I have lots to write about, but sexual liberality would be only a small part of it. As it is, the writing I do for my job on international affairs and politics is a universe away from that. Plus, just as teens, even our teens, outgrow random sexuality and take on a more serious family vocation eventually, usually after college, I think I am outgrowing these. Plus I've probably said all I have to say, although I have said that once or twice before. I had in mind to edit these essays, and perhaps someday I'll find the time. Meanwhile they are Google-indexed at http://tinyurl.com/6hdfl and searchable at http://www.asstr-mirror.org/search.html There are, admittedly, other essays I never got to write, among them one on our philosophy and theology of semen. If I knew more about boy-psychology I would have liked to write on comparative attitudes towards the penis by boys and girls at different ages, but that's really the job of a professional. I may try to get some aspects of my life story or my philosophy, properly bowdlerized, published in a mainstream periodical; I garnered one surprising expression of interest from a perfect stranger at a party. Thanks to all those who have written over the past two years to encourage, to point out factual (usually citation) errors, and to share their own cult- and commune-experiences. Especially the guy, whoever he was (I don't save e-mails) who corrected the attribution of my quotation from Bye Bye Birdie!) I can't write back, but I did appreciate all the correspondence. It was nice to know somebody was reading. (For the curious: 444 persons looked at the linked B&W illustration in the last essay, according to the Angelfire counter. So I figure over 1,000 read the essay. Not bad.) Love to you all, and bye, Carol -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ------ send stories to: <ckought69@hotmail.com>| | FAQ: <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/faq.html> Moderators: <story-ckought69@hotmail.com> | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |ASSM Archive at <http://assm.asstr-mirror.org> Hosted by <http://www.asstr-mirror.org> | |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d; look for subject {ASSD}| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+