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From: artyeleven@yahoo.co.uk (Artyeleven)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 11:50:11 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: {ASSM} Jenny (7/7) {Arty} (MF rom slow)
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Date: Fri, 11 Jun 2004 09:10:03 -0400
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[Sorry for the delay.]

Jenny
by Arty

Chapter 7

I woke, feeling disoriented, and for a moment I basked in a
sense of freedom from care. Then a wall of despair crashed
and thundered about me, a giant tsunami of grief. What had I
done to her? How could I have let her develop feelings for
me? I waited for the blackness to abate and eventually I had
strength to get up and get dressed. I contemplated dressing
in the clothes that I wore yesterday, but then I decided
that I ought, at least, to look presentable.

I laughed mirthlessly, sneering at the vanity of it, but
still I washed and shaved, brushed my teeth, taking solace
in the familiar routine, trying to fool my subconscious that
yes, indeed things were normal, that this wasn't my last day
on earth.

I dressed carefully in clean clothes and then I sat and
thought about the arrangements that I had made. I tried to
take comfort in the fact that Jenny would, at last, be free
from economic hardship. Then I took one last look about me
and retrieved the bottle of barbiturates from my overnight
bag.

So this is how it ends, I thought, in a dingy room in an
equally dingy hotel. I sat on my bed and contemplated the
bottle of pills that I held in front of me. They represented
peace, but my hands shook as I opened the bottle and I
couldn't get even one of them into my hand. I threw it and
the tablets against the wall and screamed my frustration.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit! Why can't do this one thing for
her?"

"Because it's selfish, cowardly and wrong."

I turned in surprise at the sound of this unexpected
interruption. I stared in shock at the sight of Jenny,
white-faced and as angry as I'd ever seen her.

"Jenny? What are you... How did..." Her unexpected presence
derailed coherent thought and her lips curled slightly at
the sight of me reduced to a stuttering mess. I took a
breath and started again. "How did you find me?" The
question popped out of my mouth like one of those air driven
bingo ball machines. There were so many questions; it could
have been any one of them.

"You gave me a detective agency, I had to do something with
it," she grinned at me, "they're really very good,
especially when they're searching for someone that they're
devoted to." I couldn't understand how she could be so
buoyant. I'd raped her, she should be looking at me with
scorn and loathing; I risked meeting her gaze and all I
could see was love, this wasn't right, how could it be?

"Why? I mean now that you know, how can you..." I tailed off
unable to continue, not really knowing what I wanted to ask
anyway.

"Now that I know that you helped to gang-rape me, you mean?"
Her tone hardened. I lowered my eyes and stared at the
counterpane. Perhaps she could help me to take the tablets
and then the pain would be over. She hadn't finished with
me; she looked at the pill-bottle where it lay on the floor
near the wall, "So this is your answer to your problems? The
melodramatic final act of giving me all your worldly goods
and then 'Goodbye cruel world'?"

Her sarcasm was vicious and cut through me like a sharp
knife, paring away the altruistic veneer and exposing the
selfish heartwood of my actions. I waited submissively for
her to continue. I deserved everything that I got from her.
She surprised me by sitting next to me and leaning her head
against my shoulder. Almost without thinking I put my arms
around her and hugged her. She sighed contentedly. We sat
quietly while my mind continued to whirl with half-formed
thoughts and questions. Eventually she started to speak.

"The drug that Steve gave me means that I can't remember
that night properly. I get flashbacks and feelings, but I've
long-since lost the ability to distinguish between actual
memories and memories of memories. You think that you raped
me? Well, perhaps in the eyes of a court you did, but I will
never press charges against the person who's loved me for so
long."

I tried to protest, but she cut me off, emphasising her
words by gentle taps on my chest.

"Let's look at this dispassionately, shall we? You saved me
from Steve; I've no doubt that, had I stayed, he'd have fed
me more of the drug. You know it can cause permanent brain
damage? Steve wouldn't have cared, just so long as I was his
little fucktoy. Then you got me home, made sure I was safe
and stayed with me until you were sure I was going to be all
right. How long did that take?"

"Almost... almost three days."

"That long? Three days? I didn't know that."

"You were really out of it for the first couple of days. But
I couldn't leave you alone, so I stayed. I watched you
sleeping and the contrast between that and the way you were
in the room..." I choked at the memory of that night, but she
just hugged me until I could continue, "You were so
beautiful." I realised as I said it, that I wasn't sure if I
meant when she was sleeping or when she had been in the
throes of passion. The incipient wave of self-loathing that
this inspired was interrupted by a question.

"How did you manage for food? I never ate there myself."

I dragged myself away from the events of the party and
answered her. "Just drank water; I wasn't hungry, I was scum
- I didn't deserve to eat." I remembered the feelings of
nausea that would overwhelm me each time I contemplated
eating. By the time I'd met Stan I'd lost over a stone. The
meal that I'd eaten, as I confessed my actions to him, had
been the first proper meal that I had eaten in weeks.

"Stop that!" She hugged me hard, and then nudged my
narrative along, "So you stayed with me for three days
without food."

"Oh, there was food, I had to get you to eat. I got a friend
of mine to do some shopping for me and drop it off. I said
you were recovering from the 'flu'. Later when you were
feeling better I made sure that she was the one you saw
helping you. I couldn't have borne it if you'd thanked me."

"I did wonder where I'd met Alice, but she seemed to know
me, so I just assumed that she was a friend of mine. So,
anyway, you stayed for nearly three days and then only when
you were sure I'd recovered enough did you leave me. But
first you made sure that a couple of my friends knew I'd
been ill so I wouldn't be on my own. Then you kept an eye on
me, saved me when I tried to kill myself, and helped me out
when you could. You've dedicated your life to helping me,
and people like me. If that's not love, I don't know what
is."

"Guilt."

"Simple guilt would have lead to you turning yourself in.
This," she waved the file in my face, "goes beyond simple
atonement. I worked it out, you've given me almost Ł40,000?"

"It's little enough."

"It has to stop."

"I stopped the transfers when I put everything into trust
for you."

"I didn't mean that. I mean you have to take it back."

"I can't. I made sure. It's an irrevocable trust."

"Shit! What if I gifted you the income from the trust?"

"I don't exist financially. I have no bank accounts, no
credit cards, nothing. I can't even pay for this room. I
wasn't expecting to check out in the usual way." I made a
decision and I slipped from the bed and knelt before her.
"I'm glad that you found me though, you've given me the
courage to say this to your face." I stared at her making
sure that I had her full attention.

"Jenny, I'm sorry for what I did to you that night; so sorry
I raped you. I've wanted to tell you that for years, I'm
sorry I waited for so long. I know that 'sorry' is nothing
compared with how you've suffered, but it's all I have left
to give you." I dropped my eyes from hers and for the first
time in over a decade I felt at peace with myself. I
struggled with the feeling; I didn't deserve to feel
contented, I should be hurting. Tears of frustration rolled
down my cheeks. I felt her hands on either side of my head
and she tilted my face up so I could see her face, her eyes
were bright with unshed tears.

"You're wrong you know."

"How do you mean?"

"There is something left to give me."

"What? I've given you everything, I tried to give you my
life, but I was too weak to go through with it."

"You're wrong. I want you. I want your heart, I want your
soul, I want your body, everything. I want you to live for
me. I want you to accept my heart, my soul and my body.
It'll be hard for you, but then I'm a hard taskmistress,
especially as I'll be your boss." She laughed delightedly.
"Of course, that's the way round the trust!" She turned to
me solemn, yet with a smile playing around her lips.

"Marry me?"

"Marry you?"

"You've already endowed me with all your worldly goods, so
you're halfway there already, besides, you love me, I love
you. I've spent the last few weeks trying to tell you that,
but you wouldn't listen because of all the guilt you've been
carrying around. If we're married, then, it doesn't matter
whose name everything is in." She smiled wickedly. "Anyway,
it's not your decision to make, right? You're mine now, you
said so." I couldn't remember saying that, exactly, but I
didn't quibble. She looked at me, still kneeling in front of
her. "I kind of like the idea of you on your knees like
this. You can be my slave. Since you're my slave, I'm
ordering you to give your Mistress some pleasure. You had me
twelve years ago and I don't remember it, so now you can do
it right and make some good memories for me."

I gulped at the tone of command in her voice. In all of our
dealings with each other she'd never spoken in that way to
me before. It sent shivers down my spine. Almost without
thought I replied in the way that her tone demanded.

"Yes, Mistress."

She laughed again; it made me feel good to hear her laugh.
She laughed whole-heartedly a deep and sensuous sound. At
that moment I knew I would do almost anything to make her
laugh like that again.

"What are you waiting for? My slaves are always naked. Get
with the plan."

I hurried to obey. I wondered what was in store for me now.
It looked like it was going to take me a long time to find
out. She watched me as I undressed and returned to my
position: kneeling at her feet. She looked at me with
unabashed curiosity, I felt myself harden under her gaze and
she chuckled with delight.

"Very nice. Let's check out the facilities shall we? I think
both of us could do with a shower and I'd like to return the
favour you did me, last time we were in a bathroom
together."

She ordered me to let her do everything; I did and it was
warm and intimate and loving. She joked that she'd had a
Sindy doll when she was little, but her mother would never
buy her a 'Paul'. Now was her chance to make up for the
lack.

Then it was my turn. Washing her brought back such memories
that I was overcome and for a while I simply cried unable to
continue. But she held me and mingled her tears with mine
and then we were laughing. All at once the memory was no
longer painful and we kissed and kissed and time had no
meaning. Eventually a shared longing took us out of the
shower, I dried her and myself then she led me back to the
bed. She sat and pointed at the floor, I knelt once more, in
front of her.

"Time to do your duty, slave." She smirked as she spoke,
then she leant forward and kissed me. It was a demanding
kiss, full of promise. She sat back and continued speaking,
"I want you to bring me pleasure, make me scream with it."

With a peace bordering on ecstasy, I obeyed my mistress.

-Fin-

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