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From: Carol <cobillard@hotmail.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Older Girl Awakes
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Date: Wed,  9 Jun 2004 17:10:02 -0400
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Hugo Williams ("Sex"):

  "At this point it may be necessary to enquire about orgasm.
  As sexual excitement reaches its climax (orgasm), the man
  will recognize that the jerking out of his semen (sperm)
  is about to start and that it is inevitable."

(The rest of poem can be found at http://tinyurl.com/3g4vl )


Our community of open- and like-minded adults and their kids consisted
mostly of one-parent families, mostly headed by women, and many or most of
those were refugees from Moses David's Children of God (COG, a/k/a "The
Family"). They had been conditioned by Mo Letters, flirty fishing, traces of
60s-origin free sex and Moses David's increasingly insistent instructions
regarding sex education and progressively younger children's right to
participate in sex. I don't think nudism was an overt element of Berg's
philosophy, but neither was it condemned. On the other hand, I only know
what I was told. An emphasis on puberty came, I think, indirectly but
naturally from the insistence on a child's right to know, normal curiosity,
and the rejection of modesty, inhibition and embarrassment shared with their
mothers. The result was that, at least among the COG refugees I knew,
children had the development of the sex organs of siblings and friends
pointed out to them; parents gushed over their own offspring's growing penis
or breasts, over first period, first wet dream. Among some, matchmaking was
intense, with adolescent boys and girls brought together with the clear
expectation that they should make love. It didn't work always, or even most
of the time. More than once, having decided the chosen boy was a jerk I
would go off to read a book.

Mom, Mom's Friend and many of their friends and acquaintances fell,
post-Children of God, easily into naturism and nudism because they knew that
social pressures inevitably lead children towards shame and guilt at puberty
if they don't know, from their own observations, that sex parts are
beautiful and that safe sex is both delightful and broadening. Girls and
boys who are early to mature are particularly likely to face suppression,
frustration and neuroses. My observation was that once they realized what
was happening to their bodies, kids would be in a hurry to see it through:
to communicate via penis. When they discovered they had the capacity for sex
they wanted to do it: all of a sudden, right then, right there, or at least
nearby. And it was a sudden awakening, but with luck one without frustration
of the sort that causes half of all adolescent grief. Kids will do what
comes naturally if they are free to see their peers and elders doing it,
especially if there is much nudity and if flirting is encouraged. And if, as
these women argued, virginity was irrelevant and sexual experimentation and
pleasure were important elements of growing up and preparing for adulthood,
parents, siblings, lodgers and friends should not conceal their arousal,
romance and lovemaking but should make it discreetly visible without
involving them in it in any other way. (For the memoir of someone, indeed a
flirty fisher who went the other way, and adopted conventional sexual and
family mores, see Miriam Williams's book:
http://tinyurl.com/2tg2q )

Mom's Friend's House had a floating population. In addition to the kids I
have mentioned in earlier essays -- including myself -- who lived with her
for years and years, numerous mothers and children, and a few fathers and
children, came to stay for brief and not-so-brief periods, sometimes leaving
and setting up households that mirrored ours. Some had left the Church,
others had left situations of abuse; a few tried to recapture the 60s
commune environment. Numerous mothers, and a few fathers, just wanted to
introduce their kids to free love. Or, sometimes, to help a child -- usually
a son -- get over shyness and social inadequacy through sex. Those latter
cases were problematic: people bring their psychological baggage with them,
and having sex does not normally resolve it, unless the issue is the
transient one of late puberty or (more often perceived than real) physical
inadequacy. Anyway, Mom's Friend had some rules which I have previously set
out: age equivalence, true consent (absence of bullying and coercion and
humiliation), predominance of females (both in number and in management and
control), absolute entitlement of the female to a climax if she wanted,
importance of oral sex as foreplay, mutuality of respect, and, finally,
non-involvement of pre-pubescent kids, who might "look, but not touch". It's
important to add that to Mom's Friend, to Mom and to me the things we did,
and do, are normal, pleasurable and unremarkable, light years away from the
deviants and fetishists and the pedophiles and promoters of crimes against
nature that today fill Web sites and the segregation wards of prisons. I've
been asked whether we didn't have problems with gays and lesbians, and I can
only suggest that the query shows ignorance about gays and lesbians.

If I thought, as sometimes I did, that the penis of a particular boy whose
penis I was fondling was less than devoted to me for whatever reason, it was
hardly a disaster. Boys and girls who had no interest in our affairs did not
participate, and soon left. The fact that we were never denounced to the
authorities and investigated by the social police suggests that we were
doing something right, although, frankly, there is more to the story than
that but I am not free to disclose it here. Also, there was a rule that boys
could not come alone unless invited by a resident; they had to be
accompanied by a girl. This was something that helped filter out people with
bad or naive intentions; anyway we would otherwise surely have been
overwhelmed by boys brought over by fathers anxious for them to have sex.
Often brothers and sisters would come together, one sponsoring the other. I
have written often about how cute it was for an older sister to watch her
brother undress and how she might giggle when he penis came into view and
sigh when he got an erection. It captivates sisters, as it captivates
mothers, to see their boy's penis ejaculate, to see a stream of his semen
flowing over, into and out of his partner. See, for example, the essay in
which I described a sister who watched, beaming, as her 13-year-old brother
made love for the first time:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47533

For reasons that I have yet to fully understand, the sight of a brother's
erection and his ejaculation into another girl is also terribly empowering.
I am convinced this has something to do with its forbidden quality and its
dynastic implications. The sister will have come as close as she
legitimately might to the inner workings of her brother's sexual being. She
will always remark on how big her brother's penis seems, even if it's not.
And, needless to say, she will marvel at her own DNA, seeing his semen,
perhaps and even probably, for the first time. I remember at one dance where
a sister caught sight of her brother's penis as it went into the mouth of
his date and the sister just had to stop dancing. She stared and stared, and
when she saw a trickle of semen her body jerked erect and  she led her own
partner -- the one whom she'd ignored and left standing for those several
minutes -- over to a chair and stuffed his semi-soft penis into her mouth. I
wondered, myself, whether she was imagining taking her brother's penis, her
brother's semen, in her mouth. My own partner wasn't much interested in
sibling psychology so I couldn't pursue that thought further. Within seconds
my own labia were spread apart and his tongue was inside.

Mom and I moved into Mom's Friend's House just about my 14th birthday, by
which time I already had sexual self-confidence and, pimples aside,
reasonable good looks. I had been taught never to be afraid of a penis, and
while I always thought that my sexual freedom was temporary and would end
when I married and started a family. I felt free while adolescent and single
to experiment and to learn. I came to fancy myself as a competent critic of
boys and penises, orgasms and ejaculation.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37735
Mom, who (as she thought, but with some substantial exaggeration I think)
had devoted her life to empowering women and ridding them of embarrassment
in matters of sex, was more than pleased to see me with a boy's tongue at my
clitoris and with semen in my mouth. It was not just the religious
connotation she assigned to that semen and that orgasm; it was also out of a
firm belief that I would do better in life than she had, and that I would
have more fun. She calculated once that a person could and should aspire to
having as many as 200,000 orgasms in a lifetime.

It was Mom who pointed out to me that when a boy's penis is about to enter
your vagina, you should ideally not let him recline on top of you; rather,
he should support himself elevated on his hands while your you hold your
legs spread-eagled up and over to each side as far as possible, exposing
your vagina wide open to him. This means his penis enters you directly at
the angle of your cervix and with better friction, and if you take care to
elevate your head and look down, you and he can enjoy the view of his penis
entering and exiting and, with luck, watch his balls hanging below and
waving back and forth poetically with his penile thrusts. Not every girl can
manage that, though.

Mom argued that in matters of sex girls are their own worst enemy, for
failing to speak up and make their climax a first priority. Imagine teaching
me that at age 12 and saving me the ten or more years of torment that most
girls who later style themselves feminists have to go through. How many
orgasms would I not have enjoyed? How many boys would have gone through life
ignorant and stupid, sexually incompetent or dysfunctional? Or arrogant and
stupid? I have gone on to tell my secrets to dozens of other girls, doing my
part in combating a conspiracy of silence that condemned generations of
women to unsatisfactory sex lives. (Some boys may have regressed, but I hope
not; regardless, there will always be arrogant and stupid boys about.)

While women's climax in vaginal sex depends (leaving apart atmosphere,
arousal and romance) on indirect stimulation of the clitoris and this
position isn't necessarily optimum for that, it's perfect when the vaginal
sex is a sequel to orgasm by cunnilingus. Because it more actively involves
the girl, who can see what is going on, it's also best for young teens who
may not even know what questions to ask each other, much less how to
interpret the answers they get.) I've posted an illustration so you can get
the idea; the picture is intentionally low-resolution because it's intended
to educate and not titillate.
http://tinyurl.com/2jc6k

Before moving to Mom's Friend's, we'd lived for a year or so on a houseboat
I wrote about my pastime of very occasionally seducing pubescent boys I'd
find around the pier or at the mall.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37597
Before that we lived in another house which I would today describe "sexually
chaotic". It was there that I had my first sex experiences, and where,
really by accident, I found myself one day on the floor with a boy's penis
in my vagina. Unlike most girls I have known, my first sex was not a
rational decision but the result of horseplay, and the boy had an erection
and he fell on top of me. Here's what I wrote two years ago about the event:

"From innocent banter and accidental stumble, a boy knocked me to the floor,
both of us naked. There I was: and instead of getting off me, instead of my
asking him to get off, we both confronted our readiness, our desire and our
need. A shared glance became a studied look, a body movement so that his
legs were between mine. He stared at my growing breasts: what before had
been an incidental appurtenance became a source of arousal. He put his face
onto my breasts, sucked at my nipples, massaged them gently. I smiled; he
was encouraged. He spread my legs further apart with his own. I went
further: I grasped his penis and felt his scrotum. His penis became hard and
pulsating. With his excitement, My Boy's breathing turned labored. Without
particular thought I copied what I'd seen my Mom do: I hooked my feet over
My Boy's ankles, pressing his loins into place opposite my crotch. He moved
his elbows over, raised himself, fumbled a bit, and began to maneuver his
erection to where it should go. He caressed the soft hair around my vulva,
ran his finger into the slit and beyond that into my vagina. But in trying
to place penis inside my vagina he found me dry. He put some saliva on his
penis and tried again. It slid in quickly and we were as one together. The
first penetration brought just a slight pain: His penis was smallish, if
growing. My Boy was gentle, he proceeded slowly. Now we found together that
inside I was well lubricated and his movement was unimpeded. I saw his rump
heave and fall, I felt friction against my clitoris. His penis rubbed me
along the sides of my vagina, I heard the noise of penis in wetness. He
continued at a varying pace, all the while looking directly in my eyes. We
kissed occasionally. He tensed; I felt a stream of semen flowing inside me,
dripping out of me, warmly wetting my thighs."
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/37616

Given our philosophical and theological background, where orgasm and
ejaculation constitute religious expression and taking semen is a matter of
holy communion and not just an exchange of bodily fluids, it was grounds for
regret that we were alone, that the event was not witnessed. So another day
I took another boy aside, and with our friends looking on from a distance, I
took his penis into my mouth and had my communion. Since there were
witnesses it was official; and I was in play as a girl and as a sexual
being. Doing that, though, make me think of the millions of generations of
people who have had sex and propagated the race, while making incredible joy
for themselves. That boy's semen felt so sacred and mystical, his erection
so strong...

By the time we moved to Mom's Friend's House in 1994 I knew, or thought I
knew, all there was to know about sex. I had already developed a healthy
dose of cynicism about boys older than 14. In fact, though, it turned out
there was a lot more to learn. Mom's Friend's House had regular
invitation-only parties and dances, where kids, mostly between 13 and 18,
came with or were assigned in advance a partner. The music, the chatter, the
sexual electricity and the lovemaking were irresistible. Kids did not always
get along with their date but they knew that they could have sex and still
not be under any obligation for the future. Mostly they chose to try to have
a good time and to make up for bad personality and bad conversation with
good orgasm. I'm sure that more than one girl looked at and dreamed of
another boy's penis while her own boy had his inside her. There have
certainly been times when I watched detachedly while the penis of a boy I
suddenly didn't like continued going in and out of my vagina. It is easier
to let such a boy have his orgasm even if you seriously just want him to
finish his business and go away. If it took faking my own orgasm to get rid
of him I would do that too.

Mom's Friend also arranged, a couple of times a year, parties for girls who
wanted to (or whose mothers wanted them to) celebrate their first
lovemaking. A boy would be chosen, the girl would spend a month or so on The
Pill and planning ahead. Then, with a couple of friends and the mothers
present, the girl would sit nude on a bed and be approached by her chosen
boy. They would follow a prescribed ritual of having the girl inspect his
penis, followed by oral foreplay and defloration. Alumnae of these events
were Mom's Friend's pride and joy, and were always welcome at our parties
and would be assigned the best boys, the most striking penises ("striking"
in Mom's Friend's authoritative opinion, meaning attractive and sexy and
reliably erect, and prone to emitting seminal fluid when excited).
Attendants at a defloration like witnesses at a wedding, were there to
testify to the event -- in this case the consummation. We were guaranteed to
chatter about the erection, the kissing, the climax and the semen. And about
the demeanor of the two lovers and their shy smiles upon seeing afterwards
the now-shrunken penis and thinking of what it had wrought.

For those who deem all of this "weird", I have documented, mostly from
materials I collected while in college studying abnormal psychology and
anthropology, proof that all of this goes on in outwardly mainstream
subcultures in North America and Europe. I have included numerous citations
and links in previous essays and won't repeat them here. In my last essay in
particular, I wrote again about mothers' domination, overt and subtle, of
their sons' penises. This is all true. If you don't think that mothers think
constantly about their sons' penises, go back to Psychology 101.

The foregoing was by way of background. The focus of this essay is on Older
Girl's experience. Older Girl is Mom's Friend's daughter. Several years
older than I (hence her alias) she was more or less in charge of the parties
and dances, and she had a string of boyfriends and partners from within the
ex-COG and ex-commune community. But while her adult approach and practice
are like mine, her introduction to lovemaking could not have been more
different. She did not have her first period until she was 15 or so. She did
not begin to mature noticeably until she was almost 14. While others of her
cohort were flirting with boys, touching, being caressed, giggling over a
boy's erection and, after suitable teasing letting him put his tongue in her
vagina and, in due course, his penis in her mouth, Older Girl had no part of
that at age 12 or 13. She was embarrassed when nude when in the presence of
others engaged in sex because she didn't yet have the breasts that attracted
boys and because she didn't yet have the desire to attract them.

Mom's Friend took her to a doctor she knew would be sympathetic to her
lifestyle, and he found nothing wrong, showed them charts and scholarly
articles and sent them on their way with another batch of prescriptions for
contraceptive pills for the other girls to use. For those interested,
there's a lot of medical information on the Internet, some of which can be
very reassuring:
http://www.aafp.org/afp/990700ap/209.html
The pictures remind me of those I saw in those naturist time-elapse photos
of that family with the pubescent kids, showing their monthly progress into
adulthood, penises and breasts bigger in each snapshot. (I wonder: how many
pedophiles spend their time poring over photographs of nude children in back
issues of pediatrics journals in library archives.)

Evidently a certain amount of tension built up within her, and it was
resolved this way: Older Girl, at 14 and approaching 15, had, at least,
breastlets to show for her years. She had a faint bit of pubic hair. A match
would be found for her, and they would have oral sex. The boy would not be
permitted to put his penis in her vagina -- not because she wanted to save
her virginity, but because she thought it might hurt and that she wasn't
ready to go that far. The way the event transpired simply proves to me that
any argument that Mom's Friend, or Mom or any of the other parents were
guilty of child abuse or bad parenting is misguided. Nor can "sex education"
be blamed for anything. Each adolescent elected when, and if, to take the
initiative in matters of sex. It has been suggested that this is a human
right, a right even teenagers have, of deciding for themselves when to have
sex.

So, Older Girl did not have a defloration (or better, a "coming-out") party,
she had a little picnic in the back yard, and a boy who had volunteered (or
more exactly been "volunteered" by his mother) would bring her to climax and
give her "communion". She would take his penis into her mouth and bring it
to ejaculation. Or maybe he would go first, and make love with his tongue to
her clitoris; whatever she liked. Older Girl had seen it all before: seen
her mother take her lover, Terrific Girl's dad, aside and, after a few
drinks the mother would be on top of him or beneath him, his penis would be
in her mouth, his tongue in her vagina. It was Mom's Friend who had taught
us all whatever we needed to know about "soixante-neuf". (She would always
remark "how lovely!" if she saw us copying her; and I'm convinced that the
reason those two young kids (about 12 years old when they started and 14
today) are still together and still at her place is because of all the fuss
she makes over their sexual acrobatics.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/38098
It always seemed to me that the kids' respective mothers were taking
advantage of Mom's Friend, parking the kids there and taking off for work
and play for weeks on end.)

This is Older Girl's story as she told it to me. Older Girl and her beau for
the day had a glass of sangria and at some point her mother reminded her why
they were there. Older Girl playfully pushed the boy back so that he lay on
the blanket. Then she moved over him, pulled his knees apart, and began to
explore his penis, stroking it gently and fondling his testicles, running
her fingers through his pubic hair. She marveled as his penis became erect
and squeezed it with her hand. She tickled it on its underside and ran her
finger over its head. She giggled at him when he laughed at the tickling.
She looked, as she had been told, for a drop of seminal fluid; had there
been one, she would have tasted it but she doesn't remember now if there
was. She pulled the erect penis closer to her face to look at its round head
and its little slit. She felt ready to kiss it, and she did. She put it in
her mouth and tried to do as she had been told: to stroke the penis
circularly with her tongue while drawing it in and out of her mouth. And all
the time watching her boy's eyes. With one hand she held the penis steady,
vertical; with the other she grasped his scrotum, feeling the movement of
his balls inside. Always she moved her head up and down. Older Girl felt
terribly important, terribly responsible, terribly sensuous, terribly adult
I wonder how many people were, in reality, watching. Older Girl thought
there were lots; Mom's Friend said that there were just a friend or two, and
herself. We were not, in fact, a community of voyeurs. While the boy's mom,
and Mom's Friend, had a personal interest, and a few other friends might
have sat around by way of encouragement and support, sex was scarcely a
rarity there. Seeing a concupiscent friend and seeing a girl caressing and
kissing a penis were more likely to serve as a reminder to a kid that it
would be nice to make love, and start him or her looking around for a
partner, than to cause staring. If one did watch, it would be like watching
a kid's first communion, or her school play or ballet, or her graduation. It
was definitely not like watching a porn film. In all these essays I have
tried to distinguish freedom to have sex from pornography, compulsion,
depredation and victimization. The first is natural, the second is
irrelevant, the rest are criminal.
http://www.porn-report.com/

For me, the nice thing about having lots of naked guys around at such a time
was that if I felt vaguely in the mood for sex after seeing my friend with a
penis in her mouth I could look around for a boy with an erection, and he
was bound to take an interest in me. I might take the initiative to sit on
his lap, and his fingers would gravitate first to my breasts and then
between my legs. And then I would take his place on the chair and his face
would be between my thighs, his penis bobbing about as he made love to my
clitoris with his tongue. Of course I can't count the number of times the
same thing happened and all we had been doing was homework. All that means
is that it doesn't take much to stimulate kids to want sex. And it
underlines another point that I have repeatedly made: for kids who are
academically oriented anyway, freedom to have sex on demand disposes of a
lot of useless, time-consuming teasing and games that would only interfere
with getting good grades.

To return to the main story: as I have written, it is best for young girls,
on their first occasion, not to be challenged with an abnormally large
penis. In fact, oral sex is best when the penis is slightly below-average
size because it then fits better in the mouth; if you've ever seen a girl
struggling with a huge penis in her mouth you will know what I mean;
Terrific Girl seems to be able to handle them daintily, but most girls,
including me, find it a struggle, made no easier by the unbridled arrogance
of some of their owners.
http://tinyurl.com/2jc6k
(An illustration which I hope nobody finds titillating because it's only
intended to inform, and isn't even "for adults only". I would rate it PG, or
else "Age 12".)
By selecting a boy younger than Older Girl, a boy with a not-so-big penis
who probably would not ejaculate an extraordinary amount of semen, Mom's
Friend had assured Older Girl an easier first time. In fact, as she told me,
the boy's penis was "devilishly cute" and at ejaculation his semen just sort
of ran out of the tip onto her tongue rather than spurting far back into her
mouth, and this worked out really well.

Older Girl didn't, of course, know exactly what to do with the semen once it
was on her tongue, so (she says) she just opened her mouth and showed it
off. Prompted by someone, she swirled it around in her mouth and swallowed
it; then she lay back for the boy to make her happy. And so with his tongue
making love to her clitoris and her vagina, she had her first climax with a
boy. Afterwards the boy's mother paid no attention to Older Girl and just
kept staring at her boy's wet, wrinkled penis as he lay back on the blanket
to rest. The boy eventually noticed, and he smiled at her. So she came over
to hug him. Mothers do try to drive and direct these sexual "exploits" (I
don't like that word) of their sons sometimes. Mom's Friend showed me, at
one point, a fuzzy Polaroid picture of the kids relaxing together after the
event. She was usually pretty careful about not allowing photography that
might get her into trouble; perhaps she had confiscated this photo from the
other mom. Innocent naturist shots of families with kids are not usually
dangerous to possess, but I know nudism sometimes becomes an issue in
custody disputes and in the raving and ranting of social engineers who
believe that sex, and sex parts, are dirty and per-se lewd and lascivious.
Who knows what sort of accusation some social engineer could have invented
using the snapshot as evidence. What perhaps made it worse was that the
kid's penis wasn't very threatening at that age and size.

When I came to know that boy years later, his comportment and that of his
penis were far more confident than Older Girl says it was on her day. It
wasn't aggressive, just self-assured. And bigger then, of course. In my
presence, years later, Older Girl occasionally would kid him about her
having watched it grow, and how that was far more exciting than watching
grass grow or paint dry, and so forth. She would always be picking an
imaginary piece of lint from his pubic hair and brushing against his scrotum
with her hand. Then typically Older Girl and a friend or two would see how
quickly they could excite the penises around them just with their demeanors
and the attitude of their breasts. If that didn't work they would perhaps
spread their thighs apart. Eventually, no matter what sports event had
preoccupied the boys, they would come around. If the girls had planned it
right, there would be too many boys and one or more would be rejected. That,
too, empowered Older Girl, she thought.

Most of the girls I knew at Mom's Friend's House had single moms. Girls who
had both parents at home were in a different situation, although I might see
them, for example, at one of our, or their, parties. The situation of
fathers being around when their daughters are making love is a touchy one.
Rev. Mary didn't allow any males about except the boy participant, although
she didn't extend that rule to her own daughter's antics. Terrific Girl's
father -- Mom's Friend's partner -- was away traveling on business much or
most of the time, but he was so committed to Mom's Friend's philosophy
anyway that his conduct was beyond approach. He smiled sweetly the couple of
times that, in my presence, he caught his daughter in flagrante delicto with
a penis in her mouth. He would arrive unannounced, and come out to the back
yard in suit and tie to say hello; and if people were there he might undress
on the spot, have a drink, and come over to Mom's Friend. They would have a
cuddle, and before long, after a welcoming kiss on his penis, they might
possibly have sex. (See below.) From what I could detect, he was certainly
not sexually aroused by the sight of his daughter making love to a penis,
just pleased that she was having fun and that she was safe. Besides, as I
said, he and Mom's Friend were terribly fond of mutual oral sex, female on
top or female on the bottom, and it would be rather churlish of a dad to
snarl at some boy for ejaculating in his daughter's mouth when she had seen
him often doing exactly the same thing with his own lady friend. Mom was, it
seems to me, more discreet than Mom's Friend about public sex and she didn't
often do it in the backyard unless cornered into it. But over the past 20
years Mom had a string of lovers, not just one like Mom's Friend. It seems
Mom spent her entire sexually active life looking for that one best penis
(one that looked like Louis Abolafia's? Frankly, Abolafia was a bit too
hirsute for me.)
http://www.spectator.net/EDIMAGES/exotic/ex1.jpeg
Occasionally she would want to comment on some lover's penis or technique,
and she would seem annoyed if I hadn't noticed, or appeared uninterested.
Girls do that with each other and sometimes girls discuss them with their
moms, but I don't think most moms discuss their lovers' penises with their
daughters. It says something positive about our relationship, I think.

I love Mom dearly, but she's always been looking or something that she was
bound never to find. Maybe that's why they picked her for flirty fishing in
Washington, knowing that she would relentlessly pursue the penises of the
great and near great, all in the interests of the COG. Indeed, one of those
"great and near great" men must be my dad; and as I have written before,
this leads me to wonder sometimes how this unknown "he" and his career would
be affected by public revelation of my existence, not to mention my
philosophy or my past. (If there were, as some criminologists would like
there to be, a national DNA data bank, would that enable me to identify my
dad? Would Mom have been able to get the child support that might have
improved my quality of life? Or is the DNA inheritance that got me my
education and my job enough to ask for?) Ironically, Mom only learned to
demand and get orgasms consistently after she left Washington. She wanted me
to have orgasms too, but she wanted more for me: she insisted I finish
college and settle in a profession. Sexual wisdom, she thought, would lead
naturally to a good match, a secure family life and, given her equation of
sex and religion, to religious calm. On that last matter, I am far more
skeptical than Mom was, but I maintain that if you regard religion as
culture and do not let it rule your sex life in any way other than the way
you want it to be, then one can reach a reasonable accommodation with it.

Terrific Girl, anyway, has a wonderful relationship with her father. From
the first days when she came to terms with her own sexuality and ceased to
giggle from embarrassment at the discussion of sex, she found it possible to
talk to her dad about orgasm, contraception and which parts of the penis are
the most sensitive, and every other conceivable topic. As well as ordinary
things; politics even. And she would tell us how proud she was of her dad's
penis and how she loved to see it erect, loved to see him happy, loved to
see, and for others to see, his semen. That Mom's Friend was the cause of it
-- and that she wanted her dad's semen for herself -- made her someone
really special, someone to be loved by her, too. But she, and the rest of
us, differentiated ourselves from the outside world by our total lack of
embarrassment and inhibition in such matters, and our sympathetic
identification and interest in the sexuality and in the lovemaking of family
and friends.

To get back to my main point: I wasn't there, of course, but the image of
Older Girl giving and receiving delight that way, taking a boy's penis in
her mouth and making it give her its semen, and then having him put his
tongue in her vagina -- and in the course of all this resolving her
inhibitions and anxieties -- is terribly touching. Remember that we were
taught that human sex parts are the most beautiful things in the world, that
when a girl spreads her legs and her labia, the image of her vagina and her
clitoris and all the rest is like a bud opening into a flower. A man should
want to embrace it, kiss and smell and taste it. For Older Girl, it was well
over a half year after her first oral sex, she says, before she allowed a
boy to put his penis next to her vagina, and then she wasn't at all sure she
was going to let him insert it. And then she didn't know if she wanted him
to insert it all the way. But she'd already had the penis in her mouth and
it was still wet and slippery, and he'd already kissed and licked her vagina
so much, that without realizing it she was completely ready for it and she
never told him to stop.

Like me, and I guess like most of the girls in the world these days, Older
Girl's hymen disappeared without celebration or even notice, and when it was
gone she wondered why she had ever given it any thought. Her approach to
boys would never be the same, though. She could not see a boy without
looking at his penis, or, if clothed, imagining what his penis looked like.
She wanted every boy to desire her, and she wanted to have her choice of
boys and penises. She loved to take down an eligible boy's pants and she
loved for boys to undress her, too.

Don't we all. Every so often some girl would bring me an unexpected
"present", walking him over to me and then, at the last minute, pulling down
his underpants. It would be lovely, and of course I would inspect and touch
his penis and his balls and he would get an erection and I would have to
kiss it and then we would have to cuddle and kiss and make love. The donor
girls would giggle and smirk. I am reminded of the mother who pulled down
her son's underpants at the coming-out, and how her boy's penis, already
seriously erect, sprang out and bounced around and made us all smile,
including of course the girl waiting for him on the bed. Ordinarily, though,
I would rather the boy's penis be flaccid when his pants come down. The
process of erection itself is so cute, so much fun to see happening. I want
a boy's erection to be solely because of me, because he sees me naked and
sexy and because I have touched him. And I want to share with the others the
sight of his penis rising, and the boy's heavy breathing. And then the penis
spurting semen and then the penis drippy and sticky. Others must see that
this boys cares so much for me that he continues to kiss and lick my
clitoris until I tell him to stop.

For Older Girl, the challenge as her breasts grew and as she became more
observably sensuous, was to figure out how better to manage boys and to get
the most out of them by way of romance, not to mention presents and meals
and shows. And walks in the countryside and the lake. Or perhaps the mall.
Most importantly, for her as for any girl who lived in our circumstances,
she had to learn how to deal with jealousy. A boy may find it riveting and
arousing to see a girl take another boy's penis into her mouth and enjoy his
semen, smiling into his eyes. But if he himself has targeted that girl and
wants her to make love to his penis, jealousy and hostility may have to be
dealt with. This was not too much of a problem for any boy who grew up with
us or with a similar family or group, or who spent years seeing his sisters
and her friends making love with a string of boys. But girls needed to be
aware of the issue when other boys, outsiders or new arrivals, began to
flirt. Mom's Friend's insistence of "loyalty for a day" helped; so did her
occasional sermon about sex and religion and semen and communion. If a boy
didn't understand her theology, it was in his interest to pretend, as his
mother or sister would have told him. It was, after all, mostly mothers or
sisters who brought boys over to our female-centered community.

Anyway, another girl -- me perhaps -- could always be enlisted to seduce a
recalcitrant boy. Needless to say, some boys were more desirable than
others; some were bound to be loved and make love often; some not so often.
I for one never hesitated to let a boy know, when it was over, that it was
over and any boy who spent time with us -- like every boy everywhere else --
would have to learn to deal with rejection. For better or worse, there
weren't a lot of secrets with us. What would have been the point of Older
Girl hiding the fact that she liked sex, and that she liked to be surrounded
by boys, and that she liked to pick one of them out and have his tongue at
her vagina and, when she'd had enough, his penis in her mouth? And then to
show that penis off, erect and not, around the yard, or the basement, as if
she had created it, and not just its erection. Wasn't that more or less what
we did at parties? The others, boys and girls, could watch or not; like most
of us, though, Older Girl would take satisfaction if her lovemaking aroused
others and caused them to pair off. As I have often said, it validates and
enhances orgasm to make love in parallel, with friends paired off nearby.
And as I now know, this goes on in every city and in most towns in America.
And doubtless in Canada too, although I don't know anybody there.

As for love: the best thing that Moses David did, and Mom's Friend followed,
was to put love, commitment and sexual relations into context. Oral and
vaginal lovemaking are appropriate where there is mutual respect, and
romance is part of that. In our age, pretending that sex is dependent upon
interpersonal, as differentiated from Divine, love is contrary to common
sense and observation. One need only think of the half of the world's
population who still have their fianc�(e) assigned to them by parents, clan
or clergy. Adolescents who are raised with this knowledge, and who have the
opportunity to make love safely and romantically and respectfully with many
partners gain the perspective to choose a life partner sensibly. Given the
divorce rate in the USA the sense of that is beyond argument.

One cannot deny, though, the existence of petty jealousies and emotional
quirks within the human condition. There were good and sufficient reasons
for making sure couples were matched one on one at parties; but on weekends,
or occasionally after homework, nobody could complain of "disappointed
expectations" over spontaneous sex, or the lack of it. Anybody who was a fan
of Sex and the City, or who has observed real life, knows that lovemaking
is, in a sense, a competition. If you don't like that, you have to marry
very young. Or do without. Being a graceful reject is, in fact, a good
personality test. "Personality" is even more the operative word here for
attractiveness than "penis". While it would be nice if every boy had the
kind of penis that a girl loves to show off and loves to keep continuously
erect, in the end it's functionality that is most important. So too with
girls: as I heard a corsetiere recently say on TV, 100% of large-breasted
women become pendulous by middle age, and fewer than half of girls and women
have objectively photogenic breasts any time in their lives. Plus, as we
know, obesity is rampant among us. For a reality check, I invite you, Dear
Reader, to visit a totally non-erotic gallery of breast photographs. Just in
case you haven't seen what I have seen over the past quarter-century.
http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

Not so much among kids I knew because Mom's Friend never stopped telling us
of her revulsion over fast and junk food and the dangers of sugar, and our
regular nudity somehow seems to have kept us in check. But among the general
population at least, that is true. Anyway, quite apart from the casual
flirting and the dating or assignment of dates for the parties, there were
many, many encounters and assignations contrived and staged between specific
girls and boys by their friends. With some kids, it seems, oral sex became
as casual as kissing. When the kids are naked, as they would normally be if
they were in our back yard, it was fairly easy to bring them to sex by
staging passionate lovemaking nearby. Why am I not surprised that this sort
of thing is happening now in general mainstream society among middle school
kids? Oral sex is everywhere, kids do it in front of their friends, and soon
their friends and other kids just a little bit younger are copying them. 80%
of Australians have done it, even many who've never had vaginal sex:
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/08/17/1061059709529.html
The social services in England are said to be recommending it as a means of
reducing the rate of teen pregnancy:
http://tinyurl.com/2ev9j
And why not? At least they are less hypocritical than their American
counterparts, insisting idiotically that teens should "just say no".
http://tinyurl.com/26lfv
(the issue of pregnancy of 10-year-olds and other elementary school kids is
at:
http://tinyurl.com/2olp3
but, hey, maybe this is an England thing:
http://tinyurl.com/3a26m )

For the rest, like Mae West, we saw no value in haste; we valued, rather,
style and maximization of pleasure. The one sex game that we played would be
to challenge a boy to achieve simultaneous orgasm with his girl; and if he
didn't accomplish that he would have to kiss and lick and suck her clitoris
afterwards until she reached climax. Not every boy is happy about tasting
his own semen, but we (girls at least) thought it was cute. Most of us kind
of liked the taste anyway or else never admitted we didn't, and boys have no
right to complain if they expect us to take a penis into our mouths that
seconds before was in our vaginas. You can tell, of course, when you watch a
boy doing this whether he is doing it out of imagination and romance, or out
of duty and compulsion. I want a boy's eyes to be wide open, appreciating my
vaginal beauty as much as the beauty of all the rest of me. (In a prior
essay I discussed vaginal art; I leave it to the interested reader to follow
that up.) I want him to look me in the eyes and to judge, wordlessly, how
much I am enjoying his lovemaking.

In that vein, Ellen Sander and Cynthia Albritton were, perhaps, right: it's
not a bad idea for a boy to make a permanent plaster cast of his penis
during the years when it is at its best, to serve as a reminder in his
dotage.
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47514
There have been a few brouhahas over underage kids who videoed their own
oral and vaginal sex and, when they were 18 and showed off the video, were
accused of possession of child porn. I found no cases that ever went to
trial for that, although there have been a few news reports of prosecutions
for statutory rape or child molestation involving two 13-, 14- or
15-year-olds. It's a shame, since any girl who has unabashed, uninhibited,
parentally-sanctioned sex ought to be able to preserve those memories like
any other. But then my visit to Spain last year convinced me that Americans
are still totally confused about their sexuality, and the only thing that
has allowed the American psyche to express itself in that regard is the fact
that "money talks" and that "lots of money talks louder". Laura Bush, of
course, never had sex, and her kids must have been virgin births, or they
were secretly adopted. But for the rest, we can hope for some reality in the
near future.

For a while I worried that Mom's Friend could have been faced arrest and
worse over all those nude parties we had. Then I found out that junior high
school and high school students everywhere are having them all the time and
that there were others we hadn't known about and never would be invited to
even in Our Town. While we didn't ever have the offspring of the great and
the near great (or, for that matter, of the crowned heads of Europe) at our
parties, we did get to see the penises and the vaginas and the boobs of
daughters and sons of certain people who thought they were great, certain
people in public office and even with security clearances. A few came by to
collect their daughters and arrived early, in time to see the goings on. I
always thought it more embarrassing all around if they refused to obey the
"nudist zone" sign, and it was interesting to try to guess which dads (or
moms) had never undressed in public before. But the lights were dim, and I
suppose most figured they'd never be recognized, or (more correctly) that
nobody would care or keep score. It's not like the case of the head of the
Bank of Ireland who had to quit because he looked pictures of people having
sex on his office computer.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/06/01/bank_porn
But still, one has to wonder what would have happened if it had been known
that those parents they watched their daughter swallowing semen? We in
America have had our political sex scandals,
http://www.linkthing.com/screed/sexanddrugs_cluster.html
although I have to admit the British, if not the mainland Europeans, do it
better. I don't mean the sex part, but the scandals. Imagine wasting all
those millions of dollars investigating and discussing Bill Clinton's semen
I think of all the celebrities whose kids have been in trouble with drugs
and, given the terrible penalties the law imposes for drugs, I suspect that
those parents were glad that their kids were only into sex.

The Internet, one must admit, has changed everything. I don't think there is
a single pre-teen in America who has not had her (or his) fill of naked
bodies and erect penises and vaginas in the privacy and secrecy of her or
his room. How-to sites have proliferated.
http://www.sexuality.org/l/incoming/acunn.html
http://tinyurl.com/2bcyh
I suspect most are rampant with incestuous plagiarism and exist mainly to
sell snake-oil penis-enlargement frauds, but there you are. Proliferation of
information has, thus far, done nothing to banish shame and guilt, over sex,
insofar as it is founded in false religion. Some time ago I was driving in
Texas and my car broke down, and somebody stopped to help, and the first
question he asked was not about my car but about my religion. How very
Taliban! Anyway, the new wisdom had done nothing to disempower (1)
self-promoting hypocrites and (2) self-denying perverts. But it -- along
with the Monica Lewinsky affair and its not-so-subtle incorporation in
motion picture plots -- has at least made oral sex notoriously mainstream
and acceptable, even if all those hypocrites deny it happens in their town,
and agitate to maintain it status as a state-law felony.
http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/oralsex.html
Perhaps attitudes will change in another generation, just as 60s libertinism
changed Mom, and Mom passed on her spirit to me. As I have shown in earlier
essays, statistics indicate that somewhat more males perform cunnilingus
than females perform fellatio; but both are, as Mom's Friend said they
should be, now normal elements of foreplay.

Judy Sheindlin says that "beauty fades, dumb is forever", and a corollary of
that is that wisdom and knowledge in matters of sex, too, serve us well,
forever. Like language learning, the earlier we acquire sex learning the
more effectively we use it and the more happiness it affords us. And our
partners -- which should lead us to happier, more compatible and more stable
(and, yes, holier; but also materially more satisfactory) lives in general.
That's my take, anyway. As I've said before, I would expect (in view of
current laws and the aging of women who lived through the 60s commune and
cult era) to see fewer and fewer multi-family situations like Mom's Friend's
House. While I deplore the hypocrisy of child sex laws insofar as they
criminalize normal consenting, same-age behavior by adolescents themselves,
I applaud campaigns to prosecute predatory child-sex, commercial child porn
and child-sex tourism.
http://tinyurl.com/2z8js
The problem is where venal, ignorant and hypocritical legislators and
prosecutors enact and use wrongly conceived and poorly drafted laws for
their own political ends in ways that do nothing to help children. Remember
the "ritual sex abuse hoax" and the campaign to "believe the children"?
Remember "recovered memory syndrome"?
http://ucl.broward.edu/pathfinders/Recovered_Memory_Syndrome.htm
And the phony crib-death and "Munchausen syndrome by proxy" "experts" like
Sir Roy Meadows whose main concern is their own career advancement, their
own profit as paid witnesses?
http://www.meactionuk.org.uk/Professor_Sir_Roy_Meadows.htm
And Prof. David Southall who decided, based on an interview he saw on TV,
that a father had strangled his child. It seems that "eminent doctor" is
about to have his medical license revoked for misconduct.
http://tinyurl.com/2284r

As I have written before: I speak only for a small group of professionals
and intellectuals with a particular social and religious background who
possess a real moral code and a reasoned, time-tested philosophy of loving
child-raising. I don't propose to speak for those -- including, it is said,
Moses David in his last years -- whose interest in children is selfish or
prurient. I think that personal autonomy in matters of sex starts at
puberty, and that autonomy has to be protected: including sheltering it from
influence by others. The most effective shelter or shield is knowledge, not
ignorance; and not the pretense that one can "just say no" to sex, the
"abstention option".
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4485691/
and, in England:
http://tinyurl.com/33eh6
(Other press reports argue differently; I advise the reader to consider the
agenda of those writing and publishing them.) As we have seen, ignorance,
suppression and frustration are the way to second-generation hypocrisy, and
to pregnancy, disease and poverty. And an adult population of sexual and
social misfits (of which the obvious parallel can be seen in Islamic
society, and you know where that got us).

To complete this thought: I have sometimes amused myself by trying to
predict the day (the month, anyway) when a boy realizes or decides for the
first time that he would like his penis to be kissed, that he would like to
have it in a girl's mouth, that it would make him very happy to put it in a
girl's vagina and ejaculate semen inside her. How many times have I heard
Mom and Mom's Friend and the other women chatting along those lines, perhaps
with the mother of such a boy? That, of course, was the source of several of
the boys who pranced out at a defloration party. The girl and her mother
sometimes thought it would be cute for both to be virgins, and younger boys
were, for both physical and psychological reasons, less challenging for a
girl who, anyway, might want to be nanny to his growing penis as well as
initiator of it. As I have said, mothers of boys really do try to manage
their penises, getting penis and boy ready to be passed off when they come
of age to their first girl. It could scarcely surprise me that a family that
we'd seen before only occasionally would, once a child of theirs sprouted so
much as a single pubic hair, start to visit more often. Of course this was
in part to assure an invitation to our next party. You have no idea how
popular they were, even among kids who had never been, and among parents who
must have guessed what they were about. We had to rely on secrecy
beforehand, and on noise suppression during the party, to assure that no
jealous non-invitee would cause trouble. Fortunately Mom's Friend's House
isn't near anybody else who could contrive to find a nuisance.

Party or not, however embarrassed a girl or boy might (or might not) have
been during the first months of puberty, she or he seemed to feel
comfortable enough around us. There was certainly no reason for any boy or
girl to be embarrassed. If a boy experienced discomfort around the passion
of others, that was a part of his growing up, especially if he was at the
lower end of the age range, say 13-15, when kids would arrive with sex in
mind. Of course boys of all ages from toddler up visited or lived there from
time to time over the years. Every so often a boy, either a lodger or some
pubescent kid who was being groomed (as it seems) by his family for growing
up would masturbate within view after seeing others at sex. This says, I
think, something positive about us that he would do that.

It can be startling how quickly a boy's penis (and his balls) develop and
how quickly his mind will turn from self-gratification though to trying to
please a girl as well as himself. Occasionally a boy just doesn't know how
to break in at the dance, so to speak. Even if an accompanying sister is
sexually very active, frank, forthcoming and outgoing. If mother or sister
didn't intervene, and if he didn't make a move on his own, he would almost
certainly be seduced in the fullness of time by one of us girls. But just as
often the sister would get tired of waiting and would force the issue.
Typically, finding some excuse to get him near a friendly girl, and the girl
finding some excuse, however lame, to approach his penis and then to kiss it
and then to love it to bits would resolve the issue. I wrote above about
girls who would bring me a present: that happened with virgin boys too,
frog-marched over to me in underpants or bathing suit, and then shown off to
me, penis and all. The key and the challenge were always to play to the
boy's penis. Once we could make it erect, we and he had won the game. The
fact is that even a tentative erection, even of the shyest boy in that
situation, is not likely to be too huge to stuff into one's vagina, and once
the boy realizes that he really is having sex, the mental block disappears
and his erection strengthens. Unsurprisingly, he will probably want oral sex
as soon as he recovers from that discovery of himself. So much for the
normal but shy virgin boy.

It is fun not only to see a boy growing over time, but to experience those
physical changes too in your mouth, to measure and taste his semen, to sense
his increasing pride. If a sister or a mother is around, she should be proud
too. Once started off, matchmaking was great fun, trying to arrange dates
with other girls we knew who would help him grow up. Whatever the age,
whatever his size, we would all certainly compare notes on him and try
different tricks, playing with his semen, teasing him by bringing him
several times to the brink of orgasm and no further; and meanwhile training
him to value a girl's climax as much as his own, to enjoy giving pleasure as
much as receiving it. As for me, using my tongue I liked to coat a boy's
penis with as much semen as he could produce, and after showing it to him
and to any girls about, suck the semen it into my mouth to swallow.
Repeatedly interrupting a boy's orgasm before it can start increases the
volume of semen, although it can also make it less viscous. I like to think
I'm good at working out the best way to do this and to put on a good show,
with the best excitement for him.

Once a boy discovers sex, though, he tends to want it every day, which is an
impossibility. Mostly, boys could come around no more than once a week and
usually not even that. If they lived a distance away and couldn't drive yet
they would be dependent on others who probably took a long term view: with
his whole life ahead of him and lots of developing to do yet, "occasionally"
was often enough. I'm not entirely sure I agree with that, though; my
experience tells me that from almost as soon as they are ready and their
penis responds to the sight of sexy breasts, boys can give and receive
orgasms as terrific as those given and received by boys and men with fully
developed penises and fully experienced tongues. In that case they would
have to find someone local. I guess they did, most of the time.

Girls would be more likely than boys to speak their minds, by the way, which
is why coming-out parties were possible. They were also more patient, so
that starting them on a course of contraceptive pills was not ordinarily a
problem. It seems to me that girls took care of each other and that once a
mom had seen to her daughter's first taking of penis in vagina further
handholding was unnecessary. While I have read and heard that girls on the
outside often don't have sex again for months after their first time, mostly
my friends had it constantly. The temptation and the need was just too great
in our nakedness and with all the opportunity about. And anyway, Mom was
always asking me about whom I'd been with, and how much fun I was having,
and so on. I knew she felt that having sex was holy, and also that an orgasm
missed is a pleasure forgone and a life experience lost forever. Each
romantic contact with a boy, she thought, was broadening, enlightening and
spiritually uplifting. If one equates the reception of semen with the
reception of holy communion, then that makes sense.

It is a measure of the validity of the philosophy I inherited (and that I
have discussed in these essays, based largely on my childhood diaries) that
mainstream sex practices and culture are adopting so much of our lifestyle,
children are maturing at earlier and earlier ages, and young teens are
adopting oral sex as a casual expression of affection. The newspapers write
of "oral sex clubs" where 13-year-old members perform fellatio and
cunnilingus constantly, but think of themselves as virgins. (Why should they
have categorize themselves; and why should they be forced by outsiders to
define themselves in such an irrelevant, senseless way?) I suspect that our
backyard lifestyle can't be replicated, but that the nude parties and dances
that we pioneered will become increasingly common, and that the 12- and
13-year-olds who today wear sexy, revealing clothes and dance provocatively
will increasingly take those clothes off, dance nude until a single couple
can no longer ignore their urges. And, like us, young people today, having
been exposed earlier and more freely to sexual reality, find the sight of
oral sex and the streaming of semen evocative, never gross. Once the first
girl has grasped her boy's penis and put it in her mouth, and especially
once the others have seen semen dripping over her lips, the party will begin
in earnest. The cycle tends to feed on itself: while not every girl can
have, or wants, more than one climax at a party, most boys would want to
have oral sex early in the evening and then vaginal sex later on. That was,
for me, really the best fun: my vagina would still be moist and ready, and
the sex would feel good even if I had no expectation of a second stroke of
lightning. To the degree that sex was a competitive sport at these dances,
with girls trying to outdo each other in showing off how much they liked
semen and how much semen their boy was giving them, our antics were normal
teen and college pranks. But I think the experience went beyond that, in
teaching us what we are capable of and in assuring that we will never be
forced to live out our lives in an inadequate and unsatisfying relationship

Criminalizing all of this is a bizarre retrogression. Can any law survive
that would make of every second teenager a sex criminal? The English (and
Welsh, I guess; I don't know about Scotland, where they had a whole
different scandal of mass arrests of falsely-accused parents, and
sequestration of their children
http://tinyurl.com/yu3tc )
authorities have "promised" not to prosecute "innocent", consenting,
same-age non-victims. But what they are really trying to do is to put
everyone in a compromising position so that they will have discretion and
power to dominate. How very French: "Monsieur, vous etes en situation
irr�guliere!" Can you imagine the smirk on a gendarme's face when, finding
your papers aren't in order, he says that to you? For a fractured Google
machine translation of what that's about, see
http://tinyurl.com/2o3rj
I think that in the end what will happen, what is happening, is that parents
are being excluded from the equation. That's a pity, since they provide a
guiding, protective force. Peer groups may, or may not, be a satisfactory
substitute, but that's all we will have, since they are less susceptible to
persecution and prosecution. Parents can raise their kids to be open minded,
but at the point of puberty they are going to have to leave them to their
own devices, and to their friends. After educating and cautioning them about
STDs and condoms: to the degree that kids are on their own, they are less
protected by that closed circuit of a limited field of known partners that
keeps them safe. The range of STDs, most probably unknown to them, is
mind-boggling.

The closest substitute to Mom's Friend's House that I have heard about was
described to me by a girl whose family had, for years, shared a secluded
block of summer cottages with a number of other families. She said there was
lots of nudity, and a huge amount of sex, most of it in plain view. But, she
said, at the end of the summer everybody went home to her humdrum life in
the city and to a normal city schedule of relationships, as if the summer
had never happened. Even with the casualness with which we had sex, I don't
think I could ever have pretended that a particular boy's semen had never
crossed my lips. But perhaps that's not what she meant in that case.

The Summer Place is one alternative. In the absence of such community
sharing, parents will be absent and their sharing will be second-hand. It's
a poor substitute for direct involvement in an adolescent offspring's first
experience. It has to be sad to forgo the pleasure and honor and sanctity of
seeing a child overwhelmed by her or his first orgasm with a partner. But at
the same time that government and society want to deprive of us our privacy
for their own purposes, they want to enforce privacy and secrecy upon on in
respect of our loveliest acts and relationships, to the degree of ID cards
and chips embedded at birth, like the one in my cat. Older Girl had spoken
once of perhaps taking over her mother's role as landlady to likeminded
single parents, mentor to their girls. She can't and won't move to a place
like the Capital City and she isn't career-driven as I am; she talks of
staying put and raising a family. (Apparently she has to: her grandparents
set up a dynasty trust to keep their money out of the hands of the Children
of God. Without an heir, it seems, there's no beneficiary and the money goes
to charity eventually. Or so she told me.) But her family will have a
different life from ours, even if she finds likeminded mothers among her
friends. I think that the spirit of the 60s is too distant and that there is
anyway no longer that pool of "needy mothers trying to recapture 60s free
sex". Battered and abandoned women fall into a social protection system that
is not likely to welcome free spirited offspring. And the Children of God,
now The Family, has new and different precepts.

I have one further comment to make. Although it does not fit in this essay,
I need to include it here because for personal and professional commitments
it is not certain that I will be publishing any more essays in this series
anytime soon. Save, perhaps, a report on my trip to a community in Baja
California if that actually takes place. Today we take for granted that oral
sex is normal and fun and part and parcel of most couples' relationships. If
not every day then at least once in a while. When Mom and her cohort grew to
maturity this was not true. Experts, doctors and lawyers denied the decency,
normality (never mind the beauty) of penis in mouth and tongue in vagina.
These were deviant behavior, crimes against nature. Drawing pleasure from
(never mind tasting and swallowing) semen was considered gross and beyond
the pale. Scholars (there are scholars of this subject) argue that oral sex
began a gradual move towards the mainstream in 1922 (I'm not sure where that
year came from). The popularization of pornography, followed by the adoption
of oral sex even in family films, and then the Monica Lewinsky affair marked
the final moving of the boundaries. Through it all, Mom's cohort of sexual
realists were avatars of sense and sensibility. We owe her generation, or
the part of it that rejected ancient superstition and ignorant dictate, a
debt beyond calculation. To put it plainly: if we listened to George W.
Bush, we'd all be nuns. The females among us, anyway. Or else we'd be carbon
copies of that woman Grant Wood painted in "American Gothic". The one next
to the man holding a pitchfork.
http://www.artic.edu/aic/collections/modern/73pc_wood.html

Next time you see a charity box for a children's fund, put $5 in it. Not
every child gets to grow up to enjoy life and relationships the way you and
I do.

Sorry for all the digressions; it just proves that we really did have a life
beyond sex, that we were real people with real interests. Sorry for the
rant, too. Have a nice day!


Love,
Carol


P.S.: I can't reply to anybody, but I do appreciate comments I've had from
some, relating (usually) their own experiences along these lines. Of course
unlike those who were damaged by child abuse, I have no need to find solace
in others' similar stories. However, knowing that there is intellectual
support is gratifying. It's encouraging to find that there are pockets of
rational thought and behavior elsewhere in the country. And, as I found out,
in Canada and Mexico too. I delete all e-mails after reading, so anybody who
succeeds in hacking into my Hotmail account is going to be as disappointed
as that mouse "gnawin' at the pantry door" in the Carson Robinson song
(musical poem, really), "Life Gets Teejus, Don't It":
http://sniff.numachi.com/~rickheit/dtrad/pages/tiTEEJUS.html

Readers of my prior essays will know that my professional work involves
researching economics and politics. My assigned parts of the world now
include much of the British Commonwealth and the European Union, hence my
access to some of the interesting linked sources. I get to read a lot of
newspapers online, and a lot of them (but especially the Daily Mail) cover
the politics of sex. No surprise there.

[I haven't tried to cross-reference every allusion to what I've discussed
before. For access to archives of previous essays, try:
http://tinyurl.com/3fk32
http://tinyurl.com/23n5a ]
-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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