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Message-ID: <47655asstr$1083276603@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #035 - 29-Apr-2004
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Date: Thu, 29 Apr 2004 18:10:03 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

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The question, this week, is one of fairness.

Hypothetically, should a reviewer drop a story from the roster
simply because she doesn't connect with the story? Should a story be
dropped when it becomes apparent that the story is going to garner a
poor review?

Does the answer change if the author of the story is known to be
more sensitive than average, or, perhaps, is new to to the group and
may not understand that reviews are only one person's opinion and
aren't intended to represent everyone, nor make anyone feel
unwelcome?

An interesting crop of stories this week. Virgins, Panties, Bowlers,
Caribbean swingers, Breakups, Jetts, Flowers, Crusades, Geese, and
Quantum Entanglement (of all things). With these, we glimpse the
world this week.

 - Crimson

"So just how far down do you want to go,
 Well we could talk it out over a cup of joe,
 And you could look deep into my eyes,
 Like I was a super-model."
                            -- The Refreshments

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

 - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone. Also, big thanks to Rui, who always comes through with
the story links, even the obscure ones.

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run
the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system
for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that
tickles you.

Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm
Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/
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Story Summary:
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Avolk's Virgin -- t'Sade
    (MF 1st magic)
    [9, 9, 10, 9]

Plain Jane and the New Panties -- MontBlanc
    (f mast)
    [10, 9, 7, 7]

Most Valuable Player -- Ann Douglas
    (MF)
    [9, 9, 10, 10]

Travelling Road Show -- Eskimo1958
    (M/F, M/FF, swing, anal, inter, group)
    [3, 7, 3, 3]

Nothing -- f. aces (as Night's Passage?)
    (MF, nosex)
    [10, 10, 10, 10]

Jett -- Joe
    (FF, ds overtones)
    [10, 10, 10, 10]

Flowers -- Uther Pendragon
    (MF wl)
    [10, 10, 10, 8]

A Fall in Antioch -- Smilodon
    (MF, historical)
    [10, 10, 10, 10]

Gaggle -- Uther Pendragon 
    (nosex)
    [10, 10, 10, 10]

Monogamy Of Quantum Entanglement -- Planet Dweller
    (MF, cheat, rom)
    [10, 10, 10, 10]

Reviews:
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Avolk's Virgin -- t'Sade
    (MF 1st magic)

Avolk is shunned. Night and day, he wears a cloak to disguise his
pale white skin and the prominent blue veins that crisscross his
features. But every year, he makes his way to the temple of Vemi,
where a rite of passage of sorts is performed; a tradition where man
and woman are joined in the search for true love. Despite the tenets
of this ceremony, Avolk remains shunned and deprived of that which
he desperately wishes. It will take an encounter of a different sort
to complete his journey.

[ His skin was almost white, except for the fine tracery of 
  blue veins that crossed beneath it {his} . ]

[ Many jaws dropped as they {notice} her neatly trimmed curls and the 
  tight muscles of her buttocks as she swirled around in time with 
  the music. ]

T'Sade's prose is quite clean. The odd typo slips through, but for
the length of the story, it is certainly readable.

The only real complaint that I had about this story was that the sex
scene dragged for me. I found it a little over-described and I
wanted to skip over it. Keep in mind that this is typical for
Dragons but perhaps not so typical for the average reader. For most,
I suspect, the sex scene will be fine. For me, I find it hard to
read that much explicitness spanning many multiple paragraphs. I
want *something* left to my imagination.

However, I really, really liked t'Sade's story here. The characters
came alive, and the plot was wonderful and entertaining. Nicely
paced (except for the sex scene) and meaningful. And after all, this
is the part of the storytelling that is most important, right? Who
cares how well an author can describe inserting tab A into slot B,
if there isn't any story? T'Sade tells a wonderful story here. Don't
miss it.


Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47544

Author's site:
http://www.tsade.com/

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 19 Apr 2004

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Plain Jane and the New Panties -- MontBlanc
    (f mast)

Jane has earned the nickname "Plain Jane". It isn't her fault,
entirely, you see. At the moment, being fifteen years old, she must
rely on her mother to buy her clothing, and her frugal mother tends
to buy sensible, inexpensive clothing. Particularly underwear. One
day, Jane finds herself alone in the mall, outside of her mother's
watchful eyes, and she slips into Victoria's Secret and buys herself
a treat. Lemonade Floral panties. And, oh, how they make her feel.

This story explores the feelings and emotions of an adolescent girl,
caught somewhere between girlhood and womanhood. I think MontBlanc
does an admirable job of presenting Jane's character.

If there is a downfall to this story, I would ask about the point of
it. For me, even while MontBlanc did a great job of presenting
Jane's character, and her feelings, and her emotions, I was left
with this uncomfortable sensation of still not understanding the
panty fetish that MontBlanc was trying to communicate. Why should I
care about Jane's new panties? I can't really see a point beyond
Jane discovering that she likes the feel of her new panties. I
didn't get a sense of her growing up in any meaningful way, or
learning anything significant. And given the depth and care in
crafting her character, that seems shallow.

Maybe I'm simply looking for depth where there really wasn't any
intended. Perhaps the disparity between Jane's depth of character
and the shallowness of the plot was intended, but I don't think it
was. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up with the sexual aspects
and ignore the story itself.

In summary, shallow plot, for me, but amazing character and
descriptive talent.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    7

Story: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/~montblanc/PlainJane.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47545

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/~montblanc

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 19 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Most Valuable Player -- Ann Douglas
    (MF)

The Most Valuable Player can be a relative thing. The Rockets and
the Bluejays are bowling for the League Championship, and the
Bluejays are up by 17 points. It looks like Clayville will take home
the trophy. Even Tim, the best bowler in the League, drops a gutter
ball when he is distracted by his ditzy girlfriend who is flirting
with the captain of the opposing team. It all comes down to Joe, a
quiet, mediocre bowler. And even while Joe should be the hero of the
night, Tim scores the MVP award yet again.

Joe doesn't mind at all -- he's that kind of guy -- but Moria, his
teammate, disagrees with the decision. After the celebration
drinking begins to wind down, Joe offers Moria a ride home, and we
find out really who should be the MVP.

A couple of technical issues fell into the text, but nothing overly
serious. Just typos:

[ Quiet returned as Tim Carpenter walked up to the foul {find}
  and took aim. ]

Not sure, but I suspect Anne meant "line". However, I'm not really a
bowler either, so this might be jargon.

[ "Was,"  Joe corrected her. "I've been retired fifteen
  months. They were just passing along a little professional
  {curtsey}." ]

"Curtsey" isn't necessarily incorrect here. Depends on what Anne
wanted to portray, however, I'm guessing that she meant: "courtesy".
Sometimes those blasted spell checkers can't catch everything. Oh
well.

As I said, the story is well written, and the typos aren't all that
distracting. Only something to watch for.

I found the sexual description a little too detailed -- it didn't
quite mesh with the sedate pace of the rest of the story. However,
for most readers, the sex scene will be satisfying.

I really liked the characterisations and the plot here. The story
flowed along, and pulled me into Anne's world. I liked Moria, and
Joe; they seemed real. And the story had far more depth to it than a
simple sexual tryst.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ann_Douglas/www/mvp.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47541

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ann_Douglas/www/

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 19 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Travelling Road Show -- Eskimo1958
    (M/F, M/FF, swing, anal, inter, group)

Sheila Carpenter is a swinger. She discovered this when she
convinced Herb, her hunky husband, to allow Jean, the local blonde,
oversexed goddess, to seduce him. Instead of a jealous rage, she
found herself turned on, and eventually joined the two. Ever since,
the couple has indulged in swinging with various friends. Each year,
the group vacations together, happily swapping partners until
everyone is exhausted. This year, they all decide to celebrate
Sheila's thirtieth anniversary in a Caribbean resort that caters to
their kind of fun. Enter the island natives that all want to help
Sheila and Herb celebrate.

I'll point out a couple of technical errors here:

[ My hair is brunette, and I normally wear it shoulder {lenght}. ]

[ She was a year older than I, and I already had {delt}
  with women drooling over my Herb's good looks. ]

Overall, these kinds of careless errors occur throughout the text,
making the story nearly unreadable, certainly difficult to follow,
as I was continually jolted from the story by poor attention to
detail. I stopped keeping track of the errors when I hit fifty.

When an author is reduced to describing the character's physical
attributes in excruciating detail in the first couple of paragraphs,
that's usually a hint that we aren't looking at much depth. I very
nearly dropped the story from the review roster, and perhaps I
should have, but I persevered because I thought I saw a glimmer of
honesty and expression between the lines. I'm not sure that's the
case here. Eskimo, I think, was honestly trying to present a sexual
fantasy, and that's valid for some, but for me, a story is far more
than that.

Apart from the technical problems, the characters are shallow, and
the plot non-existent. The characters neither grow nor learn
anything significant, and none of the issues inherent in a swinging
lifestyle are explored.

So, the point of the story is sex. Unfortunately, it is dry, routine
sex without much in the way of innovation or flavour.
Overdescribed, as is typical in pure fantasy representations, but
again, that might be me. It might appeal to some that particularly
want to read only about the gory details of interracial, group or
anal play. This Dragon's seen all this before, in far better
presented prose. But having said that, it still might appeal to some
on the sexual merits.


Technical       :    3
Eros            :    7
Character/Plot  :    3
Crimson         :    3

Story: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/eskimo1958/travelingroadshow.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47565

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/eskimo1958/www/stories.html

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 22 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nothing -- f. aces (as Night's Passage?)
    (MF, nosex)

I'll admit to some confusion here. I apologise in advance as to who
should be credited with this story. It wasn't clear who wrote this
story, "Night's Passage" or our f. aces. I'm sure someone will
correct me.

Anyhoo, this is an interesting story, perhaps best summarised as the
tale of a relationship breakdown. It happens in a coffee shop, the
anonymous girl leaving the anonymous narrator. While we see the scene
different ways and with different perspective, the result is
always the same.

[ She {rester} her other elbow on the table, leaning in a bit more. ]

Shrug. Minor typo. That's it, folks. Clean.

This story is quite different than what we normally see around here.
I'm still thinking about it, and that's a good thing. I don't know
if f. aces (we'll assume f. is the author) is presenting different
scenarios in someone's head, or different characters, or if we are
in a time warp. The funny thing is, it doesn't matter. The story
isn't about the participants, nor about the break up itself. It's
about the character and feelings that we all experience. That makes
this a very human piece, and that human element is often lacking in
erotica.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story: 
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47573

Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=f.+aces&index=name&submit=Search

Posted To ASSM: Thu, 22 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jett -- Joe
    (FF, ds overtones)
    {story codes adjusted by reviewer}

Penny met Jett in college where they were roommates. Two girls
couldn't be more different, but they quickly became friends and
perhaps a little more. Now, even through a turbulent history, Penny
and Jett are still friends, of a sort, but it is time for Penny to
become her own person and find herself.

This story has it all, folks. The author's tagline (A Lesbian Sex
Story) really doesn't do it justice, and neither do my hastily
determined story codes above. Stunning, deep characters, meaning,
hot sexy prose. It really is a gem easily missed. Enjoy.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story: 
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47560

Author's other works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=cashingbets%40hotmail.com&index=email&submit=Search

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 21 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Flowers -- Uther Pendragon
    (MF wl)

"But your heating pad doesn't love you."

No indeed it doesn't, but the right man does despite our female
protagonist's condition and protests.

Uther approaches this storyline quite tastefully and with style. It
is a story of two people who love each other, are comfortable with
each other, and they talk. Uther does a wonderful job of presenting
the characters, their humanity shining through.

Now, don't pay too much mind to the Crimson score below. I'm simply
not a fan of this particular theme. To even get an eight here really
says something about how well written this piece is to override my
tastes. Sometimes a story can have it all, and still not fully
connect with a particular reader. Oh, well.

Oh, and you'll have to the read the story to find out what "Flowers"
refers to.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    8

Story: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/dial/fflow.htm

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/index.html

Posted To ASSM: Wed, 21 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Fall in Antioch -- Smilodon
    (MF, historical)

Cadfael, an archer in the crusades of 1098, witnesses a man falling
from the ramparts of the latest conquest of the crusaders, Antioch.
But did the man die as a result of the fall? The dead man calls out
to Cadfael, and our hero finds himself immersed in a thickening web
of deception, danger and murder. And along the way discovers love
and friendship in a hostile land.

It's no secret that I like Smilodon's historical works. This story
is a little longer than I normally review, but once I started to
read it, I couldn't stop. Even though it was posted over a month
ago, I had to review it here, so I trust that nobody will be upset
about it.

[ In this, Alexis had failed. To Bohemond's mind this
  very failure released him from his own oath and the turbulent 
  Count now {clamed} Antioch for his own Kingdom, supported by 
  Tancred. ]

There's clams in Antioch? And shouldn't it be spelled 'clammed'?
Grin.

[ "So do we all, Cadfael. But don't be so hasty in dismissing your
  {deserts}. ... ]

I'm not going to claim that this one is incorrect, since it is in
dialogue and the speakers actually are set in a desert. Smilodon
might actually have meant 'deserts' here, but my Dragon sense says
that he probably meant: 'desserts'. If not, it is clever turn of
phrase, given the setting for the story.

But most of you should ignore the technical comments. Two typos (if
they were indeed both typos), in this length of story is quite a
feat. Smilodon's prose, as always, is clear and clean. Keep in mind
that I'm *looking* for typos. Lets Smiley (and certain other
anonymous editors) know I'm actually reading the story.

Editor's Note:
  According to the Cambridge Dictionary, 'deserts' is an acceptable
  spelling in this context, at least for a British author. It is
  usually considered semi-archaic even in England, but given the
  time period of "A Fall in Antioch", it could legitimately be used
  as presented.

I love the Cadfael character that Smilodon has created here. He is
a perfect mix of wry wit, bravado, and sensitivity in a time that
mostly lacked such. In short, he makes a wonderful hero for this
story.

Editor's Note:
  For clarity, the character of Cadfael was actually created by 
  Ellis Peters, and as such also deserves credit. Smilodon has 
  adjusted the character somewhat, specifically in age, in this 
  adaptation.

Smilodon has out done himself with this tale. The characters are
rich, the atmosphere believable and detailed, and even better, we
have a very interesting plot that oozes history and intrigue. This
is a beautifully crafted story that satisfies on all fronts. Even
if you don't like longer stories, go read it. It's worth the
investment.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/Fall_in_Antioch.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47205

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/

Posted To ASSM: Mon, 22 Mar 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Gaggle -- Uther Pendragon 
    (nosex)

Another story in Uther's dialogue only collection. Here, we
eavesdrop on a group of girls, presumably high school girls, who
touch on the important things in their lives.

I'm not sure why this appealed to me as much as it did. It was fun,
and certainly realistic -- a glimpse into the thoughts of female
adolescence. Maybe it brings back memories. Maybe it is simply a
wonderfully insightful exposition of adolescent life, angst and
growing up.

Whatever it is, it appealed to me on many levels.

And as always, I absolutely love the title.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/dial/ggaggle.htm

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/index.htm

Posted To ASSM: Tue, 27 Apr 2004

+-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Monogamy Of Quantum Entanglement -- Planet Dweller
    (MF, cheat, rom)

Hmmm. You have to admit, that's a really cool title.

Our narrator's wife is throwing him out of their home. Why, you ask?
Because he cheated on her? In an odd twist of fate, no, she throws
him out when she cheats on him with a much richer man. In fact, she
pushes him towards Devil, an online acquaintance, when he has
nowhere else to turn.

[ "Thank you. I will" my friend Devil easing her way into our den 
  of temporary sin for the weekend, a non-smoking room at the 
  Hampton Inn down in a neighboring county at the neighborly town 
  of Columbus Crossroads, I handing her the blooming rose my fading 
  wife urged me to buy for her, she smelling it, smiling it, putting 
  it down atop the chest of drawers. ]

I wanted to pull a representative sample from the text. Planet
Dweller is using, shall we say, an unusual mode of writing here. It
flies in the face of nearly every classic English rule that exists.
We have sentence fragments that merge into run-on, with incorrect
punctuation thrown in for good measure.

But I'm not convinced, yet, that Planet Dweller didn't intend this.
Strangely, it works in the story. I'll admit that I was a little
distracted by the prose, but, somehow it seems to work in this
piece. I'm not sure I'd want to see this kind of writing regularly,
or in all stories, but for this one, if Planet Dweller intended it,
it seems to work. So ... I'm going to skip the normal technical
analysis and score this a conditional 10, but know that some might
find this style distracting and even unreadable, but for me, once I
got used to it, it worked in a strange way. Fit in with the rhythm
of the piece.

Beyond the purely technical stuff, Planet tells an intriguing story
here. I'll admit that I was expecting a standard cheating and
shallow all-participants-loving-the-cheating-type story. That's
where story codes can be deceiving. Planet presents another angle to
the cheating story, and one that I think works really well. His
characters have depth, all of them, and the plot hums along nicely
in a quirky kind of way.

This may not appeal to everyone, as all stories must accept, but
this did appeal to me. I like where Planet took this, moving away
from the stereotypical cheating fantasy.


Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

Story: 
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2004/47606

Author's site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/PlanetDweller/www  

Posted To ASSM: Sun, 25 Apr 2004

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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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