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From: Frank Downey <fabfour.fan@verizon.net>
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Subject: {ASSM} Rewind 03, by Frank Downey (3 of 25) (mf teen slow rom TimeTr) 
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Date: Tue, 27 Apr 2004 06:10:03 -0400
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Copyright 2004 by Frank Downey. All rights reserved. Personal archiving 
is fine, all other uses require the permission of the author. Do not 
repost.

This is erotica. That means, well, it's supposed to be for adults only. 
Or something like that <G>.

*

REWIND
CHAPTER THREE
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, SO I WHISPERED `I LOVE YOU'"


FEBRUARY 8^th , 1978

*

I had called Kara on Sunday and we had had a pleasant talk for about an 
hour.

Monday, I saw her briefly in school. We didn't talk much, but she gave 
me a huge smile when I walked into English.

Then, on Monday night, it hit. Something else I'd have to relive that 
I'd forgotten about: The Blizzard of `78.

I got home from school to the beginning of flurries. I started my paper 
route in a light snow. When I finished my paper route--which was about 
an hour later--I was trudging through blinding snow. Just like the first 
time!

The Blizzard of `78 was a big huge thing in the Boston area. It was 
something that was still talked about 30 years later. It wasn't just a 
snowstorm--though it was that, over two feet fell--it was also 
accompanied by gale force winds, massive high tides with floods, beach 
erosion, some coastal houses lost, fatalities, the whole bit. It was, 
basically, a hurricane with snow instead of rain (though not 
technically). There were 8 and 10 foot snowdrifts due to the wind (and 
the fact that there was already some snow on the ground from the 
previous week). It shut Eastern Massachusetts down--I mean, *completely* 
shut it down--for a week.

Of course, when you're 13 years old, it was *great*.

Kara called *me* Monday night, in the middle of it. "Do you *believe* 
this?" she asked excitedly.

"Oh, I was out doing my paper route when it started. It went from 
flurries to me getting buried before I could blink."

"I believe it!" she laughed. "Well, at least we won't have school tomorrow."

"Probably for the rest of the week," I told her.

Tuesday, I helped Dad dig out, and helped my brother and sister build a 
toboggan run in the back yard. It started at the top of the bulkhead, 
six feet off the ground. That's how deep the drifts were!

Now it was Wednesday, the state was still shut down, and Mom had a 
proposition for me. My grandmother was snowed in. It was about a 
two-mile walk to her house. And walk is what I'd have to do--you 
couldn't drive, the roads were closed. Would I be willing to walk over 
there, dig her out, and then stay with her for a few days? Sure, I 
would--I had done this the first go-round.

Of course, there was a little difference this time--the route I took to 
get to Gram's. My street, Hereford Street, spilled out onto Border 
Street, a main road. Gram lived two miles down Border, on another side 
street in the next town. So, all I'd have to do was go to the end of my 
street, turn left, and keep walking. I didn't do that. I went the 
*other* way from my house, up through some side streets that paralleled 
Border St., and found myself turning onto Lee Rd., right where Kara lived.

I debated this. I debated this the whole way to her street, 
actually--debated pulling down one of the other side streets to head to 
Border St. Why? Well, I didn't want to look like I was pushing it.

I guess part of me kept saying that this *wasn't* supposed to happen. I 
mean anything between Kara and me, it just wasn't supposed to happen. I 
was ecstatic, of course, but I didn't trust it. Plus, we'd had one date, 
and a couple of phone conversations--all *great*, mind you, but not 
much. I wouldn't have been trusting it at this point in any case. So, I 
was worried about pushing.

But I headed for her house anyway. We weren't going to have school all 
week, it looked like, and I really did want to see her, if only for a 
minute.

When I rounded the corner on to the top of Lee Rd., there she was. Her 
whole family, actually: both of her parents, her brother and sister, and 
Kara. Mr. Pocharsky was shoveling, along with Kara's younger brother 
Dave. Kara had a shovel next to her, but seemed more intent on helping 
her little sister Angela build a snowman. Mrs. Pocharsky was just kind 
of watching over everything. In fact, she was the first one to see me as 
I came in front of the house. Mrs. Pocharsky said, "Kara," and then 
pointed past Kara towards me. Kara turned, and a huge smile split her 
face. Wasn't *that* nice to see!

"Hey!" she said, walking over to me. "Hi, Eddie! What are you doing here?"

"He's come to help us shovel out, right?" Mr. Pocharsky offered.

I laughed. "Normally, I'd offer, but I have to walk two miles to my 
grandmother's house and shovel *her* out." I looked at Kara. "And you're 
on the way, so I wanted to say hi."

"Where does your grandmother live?" Kara asked. I told her. Her eyes 
twinkled. "On the way, huh?" She knew the slightly varied route I'd taken.

"Well, sort of on the way," I said. "I wanted to see you, since we won't 
have school all week."

"Good!" she laughed. "Hold on a second." She went and talked to her 
mother, then came back to me. "Come on," she said, grabbing my hand and 
heading down the street.

"Huh?"

"You need to get to your grandmother's and shovel her out, you good 
grandson," she laughed. "I figured I could walk with you a bit. Up to 
the bowling alley or something."

"Great!" I agreed.

We walked to the end of Lee Rd, just chatting about whatever. At the end 
of Lee Rd., across Border St., there was a school--Cardinal Steen High 
School (where my sister would eventually end up going, at least the 
first time.) It had a large yard in front, which was pretty much 
untouched snow. Kara giggled and headed right into it.

"This is *great*! I should bring David and Angela down here to build a 
snowman." Then she flopped into it. It was so deep, she almost sank out 
of my view. "Snow angels!" she chirped, and started making one.

It struck me then. Was this the same Kara? Did changing timelines change 
the person? I thought about it, and decided--no. She'd been the same 
Kara I'd known for the four months I'd been `back'. Today, she was 
different, though. Kara'd always been fairly serious and reserved. Not 
solemn or anything like that, just reserved. Today? She was positively 
*giddy*.

I said as much. "Boy, you're in a bubbly mood today!"

She laughed, still making a snow angel. "Snow makes me feel like a 
little kid, I guess." She stood up then--smiling, flushed, snow-covered, 
and grinning at me. "And, I admit," she said a little softer, "I'm happy 
to see you."

How *did* I get this lucky?

She stepped over towards me, out of the impression she had made in the 
snow. "You wanna see my snow angel?"

"I think I'm already looking at one," I blurted out. It was the right 
thing to say. Before I knew it, she was wrapped around me, pressing her 
lips into mine. We separated--me barely staying upright!--and then we 
got out of the snow drifts on the lawn and started walking.

I still didn't trust this, though. "Kara," I said to her after a minute, 
"have I changed *that* much?"

She thought for a few seconds, and then said, "Yes and no. I don't know, 
really. You changed enough to get me to go on a date with you. Quite 
honestly, I thought that's all it was going to be." She sighed. "But, 
you were right. I really don't, or didn't, know you." She looked at me 
with a little smile. "When we were on the phone Sunday night, you had me 
cracking up. It felt good. I really enjoyed our date Saturday. I was 
glad to see you today." She took a breath. "I don't understand it, 
either. It just *is*."

"Good enough for me," I laughed.

We walked, not saying much, until we got to the bowling alley. "I'd 
better turn back here," she sighed. She leaned up and kissed me again. 
"Call me, OK? Especially to let me know when you're coming home."

"Will do," I told her.

*

FEBRUARY 14^h , 1978

*

The eleventh was The Saturday After The Blizzard. Things were starting 
to open up just a wee bit, but it was still treacherous going. I had 
spent the last couple days with my grandmother, but decided to walk home 
today. I called Kara before I left.

"Great! I'll meet you!"

"Huh?" I said.

"I'll leave now and I'll meet you halfway."

Unbelievable.

When we met up, she kissed me. Then we started walking. We chatted 
easily until we got to her house. She kissed me again, a few houses from 
hers, then she went in.

Monday we were back in school. Wednesday was Valentine's Day. It seemed 
like I might actually *have* a valentine, for the very first time. So, I 
had to get her something, didn't I? I decided on a little scheme. I went 
for my run early Wednesday morning, with Kara's Valentines goodies in 
hand--a card, a couple of Valentine's heart-shaped balloons, and a bag 
filled with Hershey's Kisses. Kara had told me she was a confirmed 
chocoholic. The plan was to drop the bounty on her doorstep, so she'd 
see it when she opened the door--and then continue running. I'd hoped I 
was early enough; I didn't want to get `caught'.

I creeped up to her doorstep, and arranged the stuff. I looked up--and 
the front door had opened! Damn, I thought, but it wasn't Kara. It was 
her mother, standing there with a big grin. I put my finger to my lips 
as if to say `shhh'. She nodded and grinned wider. I took off before 
Kara came out.

Later that morning, I went to my locker in between classes. I opened it 
and an envelope fell out. I picked it up and opened it. It was from 
Kara. Underneath the printed message inside, she had signed it "Love, 
Kara," which was nice. But what she wrote on the opposite, blank, part 
was even better. It was in a different pen, so she must've added it 
after she went to her doorstep this morning. It said, "I couldn't 
believe it! You are the sweetest guy in the universe!" And she signed it 
with a heart, and her initials, KP, inside the heart.

Later, in English, I got a blinding smile for my troubles.

That day, on the bus, I was sitting a few rows away from her. She was 
sitting with Kelly. Another one of her cronies, Danica Rosen, was 
sitting behind her.

"Hershey's Kisses? You got kisses? Gimmee!" I heard Danica say.

"No way. These are mine. My Valentine gave them to me," Kara said.

"Valentine? You got a valentine? Who?" Danica asked her.

"I'm not tellin'!"

As if all this wasn't satisfying enough--I was barely in the front door 
of my house when the phone rang. And she was *gushing*!

I was reeling. This was Kara Pocharsky, for crying out loud, a girl who 
wouldn't give me the time of day the first time around! And now, 
somehow, I seemed to have found the key to her heart. And I wasn't quite 
sure *how*! I guess I really *did* know, even more than I thought I did, 
the mistakes I had made the first time around.

But still, sometimes it seemed like I hadn't stepped into my own past as 
much as I had stepped into the twilight zone!

*

MARCH 1^st , 1978

*

I guess I wasn't completely in the twilight zone, though. But I'll get 
back to that.

Between Valentine's Day and March 1^st , which was a Wednesday, Kara and 
I had gone out a few more times. We talked on the phone almost every 
night. After our last date, I had asked her, "So, are we dating now?"

"We're definitely dating now," she giggled. The kiss she gave me then 
could've set a house on fire!

This was important to me. I had a relationship, and it was going well. 
Well, it was even more special because it was with Kara. But having a 
real relationship, at only 13, was something else.

On my first go-round, I didn't have that. The closest I got was with 
Cyndi. After her, it wasn't until my senior year, when I was 17, that I 
had a relationship. Her name was Rosalie, and we were set up by a friend 
of mine. We went out from March of Senior Year until I left for school 
in September. I went to college in St. Louis, and neither of us wanted a 
long distance relationship, so we parted. However, she was sweet and we 
had fun.

The next summer, I dated my next-door neighbor Josephine. That was 
*very* nice, and it was my first real physical relationship, though we 
didn't go all the way. That lasted as a long-distance relationship all 
through first semester. We had joyous reunions at Thanksgiving and 
Christmas. In February, however, I got a Dear John letter.

The next four years, give or take, were one unrequited infatuation after 
another, combined with washing out of college. When I was 22, I looked 
up Rosalie again. I remembered her fondly from high school. We met up, 
and started dating again. Shortly thereafter, she got my virginity.

What a fucking mistake.

Rosalie had changed, a *lot*. I guess part of it was that I refused to 
see that. But part of it was my state of mind. I was 22, almost 23, and 
had had two brief relationships in my life. I was insecure about 
relationships, had no self-esteem, and was love *and* sex-starved. Quite 
honestly, I would've gone out with--and slept with--*anybody* that had 
offered at that point. Since I had fond memories of Rosalie, I was easy 
pickings.

But, as I said, Rosalie had changed. She'd gone to college and, 
basically, allowed anything with a prick to fuck her. She had her own 
self-esteem issues--and a lot of them had to do with control.

So, I was insecure and unsure and, frankly, desperate--and I ended up in 
a relationship with someone that had control issues.

Sound familiar to anyone? Sound familiar to anyone that's been in an 
abusive relationship?

And you thought that only happened to women.

It was mainly emotional, but I got one black eye out of it.

I'm not even the one that ended it, to my everlasting shame. She 
did...and I thought I'd *lost* something.

It's amazing--and depressing--how the failures of childhood follow you 
for too long a time.

Anyhow, this all popped into my mind, walking alongside Kara as we came 
home from one of our dates. There were probably a lot of reasons why 
Rosalie happened, and why I let it happen, but this was one of them; 
probably the biggest one. Because I never had *this*. I looked over at 
Kara, smiling, holding my hand, and realized--I never had this. It 
wasn't about sex--it was about having a teenaged relationship. I'd never 
done that, so I didn't know *how* to do it. And when it came time to 
have an *adult* relationship, the one with Rosalie is the one I found 
myself in.

I was thinking of all this. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and 
just wrapped my arms around Kara and hugged her, as tight as I could.

"Mmmmmm," she purred, "what was *that* for?"

"Just felt like it, is all," I said.

"You're such a sweetheart," she grinned, and we started walking again.

Like I said earlier--the fucking Twilight Zone. But if that's where I 
was, I didn't want to leave!

Of course, not completely, as the events of this day--March 1^st --made 
plain.

I missed the bus. I was at the phones in front of the school--damn, I 
missed cell phones!--trying to call my Mom. No answer. Damn.

I turned around to see Beth grinning at me. "Missed the bus and your 
Mom's not home again, right?"

"You got it, Beffy."

"Well, come on, then." Beth lived close enough to school to walk. This 
had happened a couple of times last year, where I missed the bus and 
couldn't get a hold of Mom. Beth and I walked to her house. I was able 
to hang out there until I could get ahold of Mom.

There was a shortcut from school to Beth's house, it ran along railroad 
tracks. We always went that way. And the tracks got us away from the 
busy streets--easier to talk that way. As I said, we'd done this a few 
times last year. This hadn't happened yet this year, though--in other 
words, it hadn't happened since she'd been diagnosed.

We loped along together down the railroad tracks. "So," she started with 
a grin, "is what I hear true?"

"What would that be?" I asked her.

"You're actually dating Kara Pocharsky?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "How did *you* find out, though?"

"Kara told me," she grinned. "We're in Home Ec together, you know, and 
we were assigned to be partners on a cooking project. I don't know her 
at all, except for your glowing descriptions," she smirked. "You know 
me, I don't talk a lot to people I don't know."

"And with those of us that are your friends, you talk our ears off," I 
teased.

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up," she grinned. "Anyway, she started it. Said to me, 
`You're really good friends with Eddie Bovilas, aren't you?' I told her 
I was. That's when she told me you guys were going out. You must be on 
cloud nine," she smiled.

"Pretty much."

"We did that project together for a week, so we talked. She's very 
sweet. Smart, too. And she's *nuts* about you!"

"I know," I laughed. "Do *not* ask me how *that* happened."

"Well, I've noticed you've changed a lot this year. You're more 
confident. Once Kara got past that, she surely noticed how sweet you 
are. Knowing you, I'll bet you treat her like a queen."

"Yeah, basically," I smiled. "And she said the same thing--not being an 
annoying nerd allowed me to show her the good parts."

"I'm glad, I really am," Beth said. "Somebody's got to watch out for you."

"Yup, and since you did it all last year, I guess it's someone else's 
turn," I told her with a grin. I thought that that was a pretty 
innocuous comment. I was wrong. She looked at me in complete shock.

"What?" she gasped.

"You don't know? You got me *through* last year. I don't know what I 
would've done without you. Seventh grade was the worst year of my life. 
I felt like a complete outcast. Except around you. You introduced me to 
your friends. You told one of the assholes to get off my back in English 
class. If you saw me eating lunch alone, you dragged your friends over 
to eat with me. If I had a day when I was beat up or harassed, you were 
the one that told me it'd be all right. Last year was hell, Beth. The 
one and only bright spot was *you*." She was still looking at me like I 
was an alien being. She never *knew* this? The first time around, she 
*died* without knowing this? Of course, that time I'd never said it, 
either. I could kick myself.

Then, she started *crying*. "Beth? Did I say something wrong?" With 
that, she *hurled* herself at me. Before I knew it, I was holding in my 
arms 100 pounds of crying, shuddering female. I just stroked her hair 
and let her cry it out. Finally she calmed down--and tried to explain 
what she was thinking.

"God, Ed, I mean--I worry--I wonder....If, you know, it all means 
anything....if I had done any good....it's so short....I mean....did I *do* 
anything...before I, you know...."

I interrupted her. "You wonder if you've accomplished anything, if you 
did anything." She looked at me, and I understood the unspoken question. 
"Beth," I said gently, "I understand your prognosis, you know."

"You do?"

"Yeah." She took a breath, and started walking again. I walked beside her.

"I thought you were in denial."

"I probably was for a while. I'm not anymore."

"Everybody else is," she snorted. "Well, my Dad mostly isn't. But 
everybody else is. My Mom, my brothers, my friends--everybody's counting 
on a miracle."

"Beth, I know you well enough--you must have *some* hope."

"Oh, sure," she agreed. "But I'm also a realist. Let's face it--the odds 
are extremely high that I'm dying."

"I know," I said.

"And the problem with nobody else accepting this fact is that people 
keep looking towards the future. Maybe this, and possibly that, and keep 
hope up, and so on. I have trouble living that way. I find myself having 
to be realistic. The odds are I don't have much of a future. So I'm 
trying to live for today, you know? Every day I wake up still alive is 
another day--and that's a good thing."

Though we'd never had this conversation the first time around, I wasn't 
surprised by it. I'd heard from other people that this was her basic 
attitude for the whole time she was in remission. I'm glad I got the 
second chance to talk to her about it, though.

"I see what you mean," I told her, "but you worry that you're not doing 
anything."

"Yeah."

"Well, you did for me. I'm not exaggerating, OK? You were my rock last 
year. Plus, you're my best friend. You've always been my best friend. 
That means a lot to me. It might not mean much in the grand scheme of 
things, but it means a lot to me."

"You saying that means a lot to *me*," she said. "I must admit, though, 
that it almost seemed as if you've been avoiding me."

"Well, I probably have, at least a little bit. Trying to get myself 
together about it, is all. I mean, shit--what do you say?"

"You just said it," she smiled.

"Good, then," I said. "And I promise I won't be avoiding you. Now that 
we got this out of the way."

"Good," she said. We were walking hand-in-hand down the railroad tracks. 
"Of course, Kara will probably be upset," she joked.

"No, she won't. Kara knows, Beth. She also understands. Honestly, when I 
tell her about this conversation, she'll be happy we had it."

"Good. Then she really *is* good for you. That's good to know." She 
paused. "There was one thing that puzzled me, though, and Kara didn't 
really answer it. Why do I never see you guys together?"

"Because we don't do that in school," I told her. She looked at me. 
"Kara and I dating isn't common knowledge. Kara's not ready for that."

"Well, that's not very nice," Beth said.

I laughed. "Maybe so, but I understand it. When it gets out, there's 
going to be shit. Some of her friends *aren't* going to accept this. You 
know my reputation. You see through it, and so does Kara. Now Kara's 
best friend, Kelly Cullinane, sees through it, too. Kelly knows about 
Kara and I. But a lot of the rest of Kara's crowd just sees the reputation."

"Ah. That must be tough for you, though."

"A little, but I think it'll take care of itself. Hell, we've not even 
been going out a month yet. Kara told me she wanted to make sure this 
really *was* something before she went public with it. We're not exactly 
secretive--only in school. I go to her house and pick her up, and all 
her friends live in her neighborhood. It's just luck we haven't been 
spotted."

"I can sort of understand that. I'm glad she told me, though," Beth said.

"So am I, since I hadn't had a chance to," I laughed.

*

MARCH 14^th ,1978

*

When I talked to Kara on the phone on Monday Night, the 13^th , she 
dropped the bomb. "Honey? It's time to bite the bullet. What I've been 
doing is unfair to you, and I've come to see it's unfair to me, too."

"Uh, what are you talking about?" I said, not without a degree of 
trepidation.

"I'm talking about sneaking around. There's a party Saturday night. 
We're going--together. And, in preparation for that, you're eating lunch 
with me tomorrow. I'm going to ask you to the party right in front of 
all my friends. If they can't accept it, that's their problem."

Wow! "Are you sure?"

"Yes, very sure," she said. "Let's get this out of the way."

"OK, if you want."

"I want. Do *you* want?"

"Yes," I said immediately. "I understand your reasons for keeping it 
secret, but, yeah, it's bugging me. I'd like to be able to kiss you good 
morning."

She laughed. "That sounds delightful!"

After we got off the bus this day, the 14^th , she pulled me over to a 
corner. "Wait five minutes at lunch, OK?"

"Fine. I'll have to kind of lurk around since I brown-bagged it today. 
You want to set them up."

"A little, yes."

"How demonstrative do you want me to be?" I laughed.

"Oh, as much as you want. Very would be nice," she purred.

"I think I can handle that," I said, still laughing.

I saw her at lunch, getting together with her friends, at their 
customary table. She left the seat at the end, right next to her, open. 
I could see she had put her books in front of it to save it. I killed 
the five minutes by finding Beth, and telling her what was going on. 
"Good luck, loverboy," she laughed, and gave me a big hug.

I found out later what Kara was telling her friends. "Look, guys, you 
need to know something. I have a boyfriend. We've been going out for 
over a month. I haven't told you guys because you're going to be 
surprised. But he's going to come eat with us today. I want to invite 
him to Sara's party." I guess they all looked at her, wondering what was 
up. It was just then that I came to the table. I sat in the seat next to 
her, and she grinned at me.

Before anyone else got a chance to say anything, Bob Golan--a neighbor 
of the Cullinane twins and a guy I didn't like much--said, "Hey, 
Bovilas, what are you doing? You can't just sit there! That seat's saved 
for Kara's new boyfriend!"

"I know," I grinned, and turned and kissed Kara on the cheek. "Hi, sweetie."

"Hi, honey," she purred.

Except for Kelly Cullinane, who knew, and her brother Patrick--Kelly 
must've told him--every jaw at that table hit the floor!

"Hey, I got you something," I said, digging into my lunch bag. I pulled 
out a plastic bag and plopped it in front of her. Hey, if I was going to 
be demonstrative..... "I told you I could cook," I said with a grin.

She opened the bag, and lit right up. "Chocolate chip cookies?"

"With pecans."

"My favorite!" she blurted, and took a bite of one. "They're *good*! You 
made these?"

"Yup. And I made enough to keep you in `em all week. I burnt the first 
pan, but I saved those for my brother."

"You sweetie!" she said, kissing my cheek. Damn, she was pouring it on. 
I loved it! "Anyhow, there's a reason I asked you to eat with me today." 
I knew what was coming, but I just looked interested. "It's Sara's 
birthday today."

"Well, happy birthday, Sara," I said pleasantly.

"Thanks," she croaked. Everyone was still staring, shocked, at Kara and 
me--except for Kelly, who was suppressing a giggle fit.

"Anyhow," Kara went on, "Sara's having a party on Saturday night. You up 
for it?"

"Sounds good to me."

The rest of the table just looked at us in shock. Finally, Danica Rosen 
found her vocal cords. "Waitaminnit--Kara, you're going out with *him*?"

"Yup," she said.

"But you told me you'd never go out with him in a million years!"

"Changed my mind," Kara said. "And, boy, am I ever glad I did!"

"This is the weirdest thing I've *ever* heard," Joe Vizcano, another one 
of her crowd that didn't like me much, said.

"I know. I mean, really," Danica Rosen said. "You're actually going out 
with *that*?"

"Kara, you're reputation's shot now, you know," Denise Bucher, another 
one, offered up.

Kara was listening to all this with increasing dismay. She seemed 
surprised. I was *not*. She looked around the table and said, "I thought 
you guys were my friends."

"We are," Danica said, "which is why we don't want to see you do 
something so stupid."

"Why is it stupid?" Kara asked.

"Because, well, *look* at him!" Danica said. "He's the biggest nerd in 
school!"

It was time to say something, to take the heat off Kara, and hopefully, 
to make her smile, because she was getting agitated. "The *biggest*?" I 
said. "How does one get to become the *biggest* nerd in school? Was 
there a vote? Did I miss it? Frankly, I would've voted for Dick 
Capuano--he's far more of a nerd than I am. I might make top ten, but 
*biggest*?" Kara was chuckling--which was the idea--and poor Kelly was 
barely holding in the guffaws.

"Look, Kara," Denise started, trying a different tack, "what can you 
*possibly* see in him?"

"I bake her cookies," I said.

"Yes, and he buys me Hershey's Kisses for Valentine's day," she said, 
grinning.

"And I thought the way to a *guy's* heart was through his stomach," I 
laughed.

She smiled at me, then turned back towards the table. "Look, I don't 
expect you to understand this--just accept it."

After much under-the-breath grumbling, the matter was dropped. The rest 
of the lunch proceeded more-or-less peacefully. Did I think that this 
was it? No, I did not. Kara might have, but I didn't.

It was very nice, in any case, to walk from lunch to English 
hand-in-hand with her. Walking into English was pretty cool, too--Stan 
noticed, and said, "You two?"

"For a month now," Kara told him.

"Cool!" Even Michelle Pepper gave her sign of approval.

It was a very nice week. We acted, in school, like we had been out of 
school--as a couple. I loved every minute of it.

Of *course* I wasn't going to get out of it completely unscathed. I'm 
not that lucky, not even in this life.

*

MARCH 18^th , 1978

*

That afternoon, prior to the party, we went to the mall. We decided to 
get a birthday gift for Sara together. Kara knew what stores Sara liked 
to shop in, so that's where we went. I actually found the sweater we 
bought her. "I think this would look good on her," I told Kara. She 
agreed, teased me for being so good at picking out girls' clothes, and 
we bought it.

I was nervous about the party. Kara sensed this and tried to calm me 
down, but I didn't share her optimism. "Look, after this party, nobody's 
going to question us being together," she said. Well, we'd see.

I sensed the hostility right away. The Cullinane twins were friendly, 
but from the rest, hostility.

We grabbed a couch and settled in. This was probably a tactical mistake. 
Kara wasn't mingling, which was noticed. She wasn't hanging out with 
Sara, Danica, and the rest, which was definitely noticed. They watched 
us warily for about an hour, I could tell.

The tactics were predictable: divide and conquer. The girls came and 
asked Kara to go `powder her nose'. It would've been bad form to refuse, 
so she went with them. I was keeping the couch warm, when here they 
came--Bob Golan, Joe Vizcano, Mark Adamopoulos, Jon Karalides, and Steve 
McCauley. Patrick Cullinane was there, too, but was hanging back.

Bob sat down next to me. "Ed, listen. You know this is a mistake, don't 
you?"

"Why?" I asked reasonably.

"Because Kara needs someone her speed. You have to be able to see that."

"Her speed, *how*, exactly?" I asked.

"Her speed, her crowd, people that she hangs around with," Mark put in. 
"You're not her kind of people."

"And who is?" I asked, guessing what the answer was going to be.

I guessed right. "Don Nixon," Bob said. "Don's been waiting for her to 
realize what a mistake she made dumping him. You're in the way of that."

"That's a `mistake' she's never going to realize, whether or not I'm in 
the picture," I spat at him. "Don treated her like shit."

"Don doesn't see it that way," Bob said. "We all thought they made a 
good couple."

I changed tactics, and looked at Patrick, who was lurking around 
listening, uncomfortably. "Patrick. How long have you known?" I asked him.

"Since the beginning," he grinned. "Kel told me."

"And Kara's at your house a lot, correct?"

"Sure, hanging with Kel."

"Notice any difference in her in the last month and a half?" I asked.

"Yes," he said firmly. "She's a lot happier. She wasn't happy with Don. 
She's very happy with you. And I don't just see that, I hear it. Kel 
told me that she thought that going out with you is the best decision 
Kara ever made."

"See?" I said.

"You *are* kidding, right?" Bob asked Patrick.

"Nope," Patrick said. "Look, a lot of you might not see it, but *I* do. 
Eddie and I have had our differences in the past, but we've been friends 
for longer than that. He's basically a *good* guy. And I think he's good 
for Kara."

"Well, of course she's happy now," Steve put in. "Eddie lets her walk 
all over him."

"No, actually, I don't. It's pretty equal," I said.

"I'm guessing he's right," Patrick said.

"Look, you all know how I feel about her," I told them. "So, yes, I make 
sure I'm good to her. But I don't let her walk all over me. Furthermore, 
she doesn't even try. I just don't disrespect her or try to control her. 
She doesn't deserve that."

Just then, Kara came around the corner. "Why thank you, sweetie," she 
said to me. "Hey, Bob? Out of my seat, huh?" Bob got up, not happy about 
it, and Kara settled in next to me. "So, were these guys giving you the 
same crap the girls were just giving me?"

"I'm guessing so," I told her.

"How I'm ruining my life by going out with you?" she laughed.

"Well, in my case, it's that *I* am ruining your life by going out with 
you."

"Ah," she laughed. "I guess we'll just have to both ruin my life, then."

The collected vultures seemed to give up at this point. They all moved 
away, muttering--with a couple of exceptions. The Cullinane twins were 
plainly amused by all the fuss. And, surprisingly, Steve McCauley and 
Danica Rosen hung around. They grabbed a couple chairs and sat across 
from us.

"Look--is this *real*?" Danica asked.

"Yeah," Kara told her. "Look, Dani, I'm as surprised as you are. But 
it's real. Honestly."

"Dani," I said, thinking about what I wanted to say, "look. I'm trying 
to make some changes, OK? Kara noticed, that's all."

"Yeah," Kara agreed. "Remember how I told you he asked me out before, 
when I was going out with Don?" Danica nodded. "Remember I told me he 
called me on the phone and was his usual stammering self? Well, when he 
asked me out this time, he wasn't like that. He did it in person and was 
cool about it. I noticed the difference immediately. And when I 
hesitated, he talked me into it, and made a lot of sense doing it. I 
agreed to one date. We had a great time, so we didn't stop there."

"Dani, I'm sick of being the school laughingstock," I told her. "I was 
scared of my own shadow. I'm tired of it. I decided to change some 
things. I knew *why* Kara wouldn't go out with me--so I fixed things."

"He treats me like a princess, you know," Kara said, with a sweet little 
smile.

They seemed to accept things a little better. Eventually they moved off, 
and Kara and I were sitting on the couch, just chatting happily.

The next thing I knew, I was getting punched, full-force, in the face. I 
never saw it coming. It felt like a baseball bat had slammed into my 
nose. Then I got hit in the stomach. Then the face again. I was *not* 
ready for it. It distantly registered to me through the haze that poor 
Kara was screaming--and was covered in *my* blood. My whole face was 
exploding in pain and I couldn't breathe.

Steve and Patrick pulled him off me. It was Kara's ex, Don Nixon. I 
should've known.

Evidently--and I found this out later--there was a conspiracy with two 
different agendas. Sara had evidently invited him because *she* had 
designs on him and she was hoping that seeing Kara with a loser like me 
would turn Don off from Kara. But some of the guys talked to him, and 
convinced him that since Kara was with a loser like me, he could win her 
back.

I'll give them all credit, though. I really don't think any of them 
thought he'd do what he did.

It was chaos. My head was spinning. I could only see through a red haze 
and my stomach was going blllllppppp. Kara was screaming, Don was 
screaming, Sara's mother came storming in to see what had happened--but 
I had to get out of there.

I stumbled out the front door, almost unnoticed. I threw up into Sara's 
mother's rose bushes. After that wonderful experience, I ended up 
sitting on the lawn--cold, in pain, and alone.

Wasn't this where I came in?

Things had gotten too easy. I thought I'd turned everything around. And 
now, here I was, having gotten my ass kicked, just like the first time 
around. Except, to my unending humiliation, this time was in front of 
Kara, my girlfriend.

The chaos still raged inside the house, as far as I could hear. Then I 
heard the door open. "Eddie?" Kara said.

"Here," I told her.

She found me sitting on the lawn. She sat next to me. "I'm so sorry," 
she said.

"What are *you* sorry for?"

"For ever going out with that ass," she snorted. "I didn't think he'd 
ever do *this*, though. Are you OK?"

"Not particularly."

"I thought you had taken off," she said.

"No, I had to come out here and throw up," I snorted. I couldn't help 
it. Despite my adult memories, I was reacting like a 13-year-old kid. 
Reacting the way I did the first time. I was ashamed and humiliated, and 
I felt the old self-loathing creeping back in. "Maybe I should just go 
home, though. You don't want to be seen with me after *this*."

She looked right into my eyes. "Eddie, listen to me. You were attacked. 
He sucker-punched you. You didn't see it coming and had no chance to 
defend yourself. And everybody in that room knows it. Nobody thinks 
worse of you. In a fair fight, you'd probably take him. After all that 
weightlifting, you're stronger than he is."

"I see what you're saying, but I can't help it. It just feels like 
before. And having it happen in front of you makes it worse. Jeez, I 
bled all over your shirt."

She actually *giggled*! "A badge of honor, I'd say."

I just shook my head in wonder. "You are something else."

"I am, aren't I?" she giggled.

Just then, Sara's mother came out of the house. "Are you OK?" she asked, 
coming out to us on the lawn.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, but I threw up in your rose bushes."

"Better there than on the couch," she laughed. She came over and looked 
at me. "Eddie, you might want to go to the hospital. Your nose might be 
broken."

"I agree," Kara said. "We can either call your mother, or go fetch mine."

"Mine's working--at the hospital, as a matter of fact."

"Then we'll walk over to my house and have my mom bring us up," Kara said.

Just then, Don came out, `escorted' by Steve and Patrick, who were 
holding him by the arms. Don was plainly not happy, and was trying to 
get out of the grasp of the other two, who weren't letting it happen.

"Hey, Ed," Patrick said, "before we get him out of here, you want a free 
shot?"

"No," I said, looking at him in disgust. "*I* do not sucker-punch." 
Patrick and Steve looked at me with approval. "I'll tell you one thing, 
Nixon--if that little stunt was designed to get Kara back, then you 
don't know Kara at *all*. If you *ever* had a chance--which you 
didn't--you just destroyed it. She's not impressed at all."

"Damn right," Kara agreed.

"What are you doing with him?" I asked the guys.

"We're taking him to my house and his mother's gonna get him there," 
Steve said. "And, she's not happy!" They went off up the street with him.

"Come on," Kara said, and pulled me up by my hands. We started in the 
other direction, towards her house. Her mom drove me to the hospital, 
where they checked me out. Luckily, the nose wasn't broken, just messed 
up. Kara's mom drove me home after we talked to mine.

Kara held my hand and stroked my shoulder the whole time, and kissed me 
goodnight--right in front of her mom! That helped a lot, but I was still 
shaky when I went to bed.

*

MARCH 20^th , 1978

*

The worst part of Monday morning were the constant "What happened to 
*you*?" questions. Most of them I shrugged off. I told people like Beth 
and Stan, though.

At lunch, Kara was waiting for me. "Will you come eat with me?" she asked.

"I suppose," I said.

"You don't want to eat with my friends."

"I'm not thrilled with it," I admitted.

"I think it'll be fine, but, I've never eaten with your friends. So we 
can do that today if you want. Who do you eat with?"

"Stan Murvetsin. His pals Carl Morello and Rob Singleman. Sometimes 
Beth, and her best girlfriend Kerry Coombs join us."

"Sound good," she said, and I led her over to my `usual' table. Those 
people, including Beth and Kerry, were already there.

"Hey, you guys know Kara, right?" I introduced her to those that didn't.

Just as we settled in our seats, we had another visitor, Michelle 
Pepper. "You guys mind if I sit here? I usually eat with Chris Seneca, 
but she's out today." We welcomed her along.

Shortly on *her* heels came the Cullinane twins and Danica Rosen. "So 
this is where you guys are hiding!" Kelly said to Kara and I. "We're 
gonna join you."

"Please," Danica said. "I can't stand to watch Sara over there going all 
goo goo over Don Nixon. And Bob getting Don to talk about how he 
clobbered Eddie. Yeah, by sucker-punching him. How's your face?" she 
asked me.

"Ugly as ever," I joked. "Nah, it's OK. It hurts some, but it's OK."

"What are you going to do about Don?" Kelly asked me.

"Not a thing. I don't have to. You see, when we leave the lunchroom, we 
have to walk right by his table. I'll just walk right by him, holding 
Kara's hand. That's all the revenge I need."

"Eddie might have lost the battle--like you said, Dani, only from a 
sucker punch--but he won the war some time ago," Kara said with a grin.

"Plus," I added to Dani and the Cullinanes, "the three of you. You all 
used to be friends. He might have impressed some of them, but he pissed 
the three of you off. He's grasping at straws, and he knows it. I don't 
have to do a thing to him."

"Sometimes, you're too classy," Beth put in.

"Hey. I know what's important. Well, I'm learning, anyway. How are you 
doing?"

"I'm a little shaky today. Every few months, I have to go in for a 
little refresher dose of the chemo. Milder than the first batch, but it 
still makes me a little sick. I had it Friday."

"Yeah, I thought you looked a little pale," I joked. Beth blinked, and 
then cracked up laughing. You have to understand, Beth was Sicilian. She 
was one of the darkest white people you'll ever see in your life.

"A little pale?" she sputtered. "Even if such a thing were possible, how 
would you ever notice?"

"You went from mocha to caf� au lait?" I said. That just made her laugh 
harder.

I noticed a few people looking at this conversation with interest. A few 
people--Kara and Kelly mostly, and Beth's friend Kerry, of course--knew, 
but most of the people here didn't.

Danica finally asked. "Chemo?"

As I said, Beth didn't keep it a secret. "I have leukemia," she said simply.

"Oh," Danica said.

"I'm in remission at the moment," Beth went on. "They give me little 
chemo boosts to keep me there, as long as I can." After that sobering 
little thought, the conversation changed to other subjects.

At one point, we were discussing Kara's relationship with me. "You know 
what's funny?" Beth asked. "I've been Eddie's best friend since infancy. 
I've had to listen to him blabber about Kara for two years. And when 
they *finally* start going out, does he tell me? NO! I had to hear about 
it from *Kara*!"

"Well, she wanted it kept a secret," I said.

"Not from *Beth*, you big goof," Kara teased. "Hell, Kelly knew."

"You're hopeless," Beth said to me, laughing. "You'd better watch out 
for him, Kara, he's completely hopeless."

"I keep him in line. It's a job, but someone has to do it," Kara teased.

"If you'll all excuse me," I said in mock-indignation, "I'm going to 
crawl under the table until you're finished."

"I wouldn't," Stan interjected. "Kara will probably make you kiss her toes."

"Hmm, that's an idea," Kara purred.

"Oh, *thanks*, Murvetsin. You'll get yours."

"Well, that could be fun," Stan mused. "Depends on who I'm gonna get 
mine *from*."

"I vote for Michelle," I said, pointing at her. She blushed *bright* 
red. Hmmm, what was going on *there*?

Stan chuckled. "The Sarge? I'll kiss her toes any day." Michelle 
*really* blushed at that!

"Sarge?" Kelly asked.

"This is what happens when your last name is Pepper and you get stuck in 
an English class with two Beatles freaks," Michelle said, bemused. "You 
get renamed Sergeant Pepper."

"Does that make the rest of us the Lonely Hearts Club Band?" Danica joked.

"Yes," Stan said. "Well, except for *those* two," he joked, pointing at 
Kara and me.

This started a trend, and a welcome one. That group of people ate lunch 
together for the rest of eighth grade, most days. After a week or so, 
Steve McCauley joined us, too. It was great. I felt like, besides the 
greatest girlfriend in the world, I had a good group of friends. It was 
a very welcome development.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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