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From: juanwildone <juanwildone@yahoo.com>
X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Fri, 3 Oct 2003 01:59:21 -0700 (PDT)
X-Original-Subject: (no subject)
Subject: {ASSM} Juan, two, three--Flashes by juanwildone
Date: Fri, 3 Oct 2003 07:10:03 -0400
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<1st attachment, "SimpleFacts.doc" begin>
Ten Simple Facts
by juanwildone
One, I am severely hung over. I knew that I'd drank like a fish
last night because the hangover I'm experiencing, the one that
had the insides of my eyelids feeling like sandpaper, is enough
to make me consider stop drinking altogether.
Two, this is not my bed. My head is resting on a big soft pillow.
The pillow case end, the part where you stuff the pillow into,
that's all lacey-like. The sheets are really soft and smooth. I
don't have a big soft pillow, lacey pillowcases or really smooth
soft sheets.
Three, I'm naked and I've had sex - recently. My A.M. hard-on had
that sore stretched tautness that follows lengthy if not always
great sex (hopefully that memory will clarify before too long.)
Four, I'm pretty sure that the woman whose arm is draped over my
chest and whose leg is inserted between mine is the one I had sex
with. She's also naked. I'm basing this on the delightful feeling
of her soft breasts and hard nipples pressing into me. And that
our skin seems to be stuck together at the hip.
Five, now I remember. Last night I had driven a co-worker home
from an "End of the Quarter TGIF" party. She had invited me in
for a cup of coffee that became instead an opened bottle of
Tequila.
Six, she told me that her husband was traveling out of the
country and wouldn't return until sometime next week.
Seven, we'd commiserated with each other about loneliness and
unmet desires.
Eight, oh yeah. The sex was both great and lengthy.
Nine, she's waking. Sliding onto my chest, straddling my hips;
guiding me into her.
Ten, my wife is visiting her sister; she won't be home until
Sunday evening.
<1st attachment end>
<2nd attachment, "ASeniorMoment.doc" begin>
A Senior Moment
by juanwildone
"Right like I'd forget that. Just dump it there. I'll fold it all
later."
"Oh so now I'm incapable of folding clothes."
"I didn't mean that. Michael I know you didn't want to housesit.
But Grammy needs someone around. She's getting so forgetful."
"I know, it just we haven't had sex since we got here. I mean
c'mon Rach I know this place is small but - oh ho, what do we
have here?"
"It's a condom obviously and just why do you have one. I'm on the
Pill asshole."
"Asshole? What are you? - this isn't mine."
"Oh Please. Who are you fucking Michael? Is it that slut of a
secretary of yours? Oh I know all about oh so efficient "Ms.
Jacobs." I nearly fell over her at your office Christmas party.
She was doing some guy in one of the backrooms. So you decided to
'evaluate her performance' for yourself?"
" Evaluate her performance? I have never even touched my
relationship with Sofia is strictly professional."
"Oh so now its Sofia, is it? I guess that's why..."
"Children please! I can't hear my T.V. program with all this
noise out here."
"Sorry Gram. It's just that..."
"Oh you found it. I was wondering where that got off too. The
Senior Center is going to Las Vegas this weekend and a couple of
the men are going to try that new French Viagra. I think it's
called 'le weekender' or something.
"Well if you don't "BYOC", that's "Bring-Your-Own-Condom" you
might as well stay home. Not that I can get knocked up anymore!
You know dear, there just aren't any good substitutes for a warm
hard cock. And given the ratio of women to men I feel much safer
with this. How do you kids put it? "No glove, no love."
"Well good night sweetie. Thanks again, I'm just so forgetful."
"Ohmigod. My Grammy is a swinger?"
"Forget your Grammy, what the fuck was that comment about finding
Sophia in one of the backrooms? There's a story a pretty wild
story - going around about that party. Seems that some guy got it
on with two women at that party. Just what the hell do you know
about what happened at that party Rachel?
"Oh oh um, I forget?"
<2nd attachment end>
<3rd attachment, "WhatDoYouMeanByThat.doc" begin>
What Did You Mean by That?
by juanwildone
"Look - it meant nothing to me."
"Well it means something to me."
"I'm telling you it was meaningless."
"No, mine was meaningless. I was drunk. It happened. That's it.
Meaningless."
"Same here. Except that I was definitely sober. It happened, I
made sure of that. And now that's it - meaningless."
"Who was it?"
"Does it really matter?"
"Of course it matters! How can you just sit there and say that it
meant nothing?"
"How can I? The exact same way you can."
"Meaningless - huh? So you're saying that it was just
meaningless."
"Yep. It didn't mean a thing; as in having no significant value.
Mean-ing-less."
"Okay. What do we do now?"
"What do you mean?"
<3rd attachment end>
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