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Message-ID: <44483asstr$1064671803@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: "Frank McCoy" <mccoyf@millcomm.com>
Reply-To: mccoyf@millcomm.com
Subject: {ASSM} :*NEW*: COLLAGE.TXT "Collage" A tour-de-farce (Mff, incest, cons, pre-teen, preg, humor)
Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2003 10:10:03 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d


                           Collage
                       A tour-de-farce
     
     Uh ... What's that?
     Lift your leg dear, so your father can get his prick
in.
     Yes, Mom.
     Ooh.  Ouch.  What the?  Oh God, I'm stuffed.
     Ooooohhh!  Oh God she's tight, Honey.
     Oooh.  Daddy?
     Uhuh?
     Are you fucking me?
     Uhuh.  Do you like it?
     Uh ... I guess so.
     Doesn't our daughter look so CUTE when your prick makes
her belly swell like that?  Think how cute Marie will be
with your baby inside her.
     Yes Dear.  Oh God.
     Fuck her good, Dear ...  And you make it good for Daddy
too, Hon.
     Yes, Mom.  Oof.  Not so hard, Daddy.
     Uh ... Sorry.  I couldn't help it.  You feel so GOOD
inside.
     Huh ... huh ... huh.  Fee ... ee ... eels go ...uh ...
ood.
     Now squeeze REAL hard on your father dear.  He's about
to cum.
     Uh ... Cum?
     Squirt baby-juice in your tummy ... like he did your
big sister.
     Oh ... hoh.  Baby?
     Uhuh.  If you do it right, Daddy's going to put a
little baby brother or sister in your tummy, just like he
put your little sister Julie in Sandy's.
     Uh ... huh ... huh.  If you say so, Mom.
     Oh God, here it comes ... One little baby in one little
girl!
     Do it, Dear.  Make a baby in our baby.
     Oh Daddy.  Oh Daddy.  Oh Daddy!  Your thing in me ...
Ooooh!
     Uh ... Ungh!  Oh shit.  Sorry, Hon.  I couldn't help
it.
     Mmmm.  `Salright.  Thanks, Daddy.  Your gooky stuff
feels all squishy in me.  Nice though.
     Uh ... huh.  You're welcome, Hon.
     Daddy?
     Yeah, Hon?
     Why didn't we ever do this before?
     I dunno ... I guess your mother and I thought you were
a bit too young yet.  You didn't have your first period
until last month, you know.
     That's not FAIR!  All the kids around here have been
fucking for AGES now.  Jennifer even has three of her
daddy's kids by now, and she's a whole YEAR younger than I
am!
     "ALL" the kids, Marie?
     Well ... OK.  Most of them anyway.  It's still not
fair.
     Besides, I really doubt that even your cousin has had
three of her father's babies yet!  Shit, she's only NINE
now.
     Ok ... OK!  She only has two, and she says she's got
one in her tummy for almost three months now.
     Still ... That means the little slut would have had to
have her first kid before she was seven years old, and I
refuse to believe ....
     Eight.
     Eight?
     Eight.  Jenny had the kids when she turned eight.
     Eight?  Kids?  OH!  You mean your little cousin had
TWINS the first time?
     Uhuh!  And it ain't FAIR.  Jenny already has a little
brother and sister by HER dad, another in her tummy, and I
ain't even got a big belly by Daddy for the *first* time!
Almost all the kids in class have been getting fucked for
YEARS now.
     Almost all?
     Well ... Most?  OK ... Most of the GIRLS.
     Most?
     OK ... THREE of them.  Geesh!  Most of the others are
starting already.
     Just like you?
     Mom.  That's not FAIR.  Most of the girls have been
fucking for years now, and me and Daddy just started!  Like
I said, it ain't fair!
     Most of the girls?
     Well Jenny has!
     So ... Just because ONE girl, your cousin Jennifer, has
been fucking for slightly over TWO years already ....
     Three.
     So ... Just because ONE girl, your cousin Jennifer, has
been fucking for a hair over THREE years, all of a sudden
YOU feel all neglected after the very first time you have
sex, just because your father hasn't knocked you up yet?
     Mom!  That isn't FAIR!
     What isn't fair?
     It isn't fair when you act so bloody *reasonable*.
     Yes, Dear.  <Giggle.>
     Mom!
     Just go to sleep.  Maybe your father can fuck you again
in the morning ... or if you're really lucky, maybe even
during the night while you sleep.  Who knows ... If you're
REALLY lucky, your dad might even knock you up tonight.
Whatever.  In any case, your father's going to fuck each of
you girls and knock both of you up as often as possible from
now on.  OK?
     Yes, Mom.  <Sigh.>  Promise, Daddy?
     I Promise.  Whooo.
     Kids!  Don't you love them?  <Giggle.>
     
     Mike!  What are you doing here?  You know what Mom said
about us sleeping together.
     Couldn't sleep.
     Didn't WANT to sleep is more like it.  I know what boys
like you want to do.  Now get back in your own bed.
     Please ... Just for a minute?
     Yeah ... like last time, huh?  "Just for a minute" ends
up two hours and me with my brother's cum in my belly ...
again!
     You liked it too!
     Yeah ... I did.  That's why we've got to stop.
     Please?
     Oh damn.  Well ... OK.  But just for a minute or two,
and NO SEX, hear?
     Is it OK if I just rub your front?
     <Sigh.>  OK ... I guess.
     Mmmmmm.
     Can I rub your tits too?
     Well ... OK, but no more.
     Oooh, that feels good, Mike.
     Can I put my finger in your bellybutton?
     Bellybutton?  Mike ... that tickles!
     Please?
     Why not?  You're already feeling me up.
     Mike ... WHAT are you DOING!?
     Getting on top of you, so I can feel your bellybutton
properly.
     THAT isn't my bellybutton, you doofus!
     I *know* ... And that's not my *finger* either.
     I *thought* it was a bit big for a finger.
     <Giggle!>
     
     Mike!  Are you fucking your big sister?
     Uh ... I think so, Mom.
     You *think* so?
     Uh ... yes, Mom.
     Well, you be careful when you cum in her.  Remember
last week when your father and I showed you kids how girls
get pregnant, by putting his cock inside your sisters and
squirting sperm inside each of them so the girls could feel
what it was like, while I had you do the same thing with me?
     Yes, Mom.  We remember.
     You should!  Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if you
knocked *me* up in that little demonstration of babymaking.
     Yes, Mom.
     Well remember it.  Your father and I don't want any
unplanned pregnancies around here.  Your sisters aren't on
the pill, and are both liable to be ovulating any day now.
So you be damned good and careful when you ejaculate your
sperm inside them.
     Yes, Mom.
     Now hurry up and finish.  Morning comes early, and
you've only got a couple weeks if you're planning on getting
your sisters pregnant by Thanksgiving, so they can have
their kids during summer vacation.  Like I said, your father
and I won't put up with any unplanned pregnancies around her
. and you had better remember that!
     Yes, Mom.  <Sigh.>
     And just because you're fucking Marie, doesn't mean you
can ignore your other two sisters, hear.
     <Sigh.>  Yes, Mom.
     And don't SIGH at me.  You'd almost think you didn't
*like* to fuck your sisters and get them pregnant with your
babies.
     No, Mom ... I mean, yes, Mom.  Uh ... That is ....
     Never mind.  See that you do, OK.
     OK ... I guess.
     
     Uh ... uh ... UH!  Oh God, I ....
     Do it ... do it ... do it.
     Oh God ... I'd better ....
     Don't you DARE.  I'm cumming.  FUCK ME!
     Oh shit ... I think I did it.
     I think you did too.  God, what a load of goo.
     "The better to knock you up with, Big Sister."
     <Giggle!>  Knock it off, you idiot!
     Don't you mean, "Knock me up, you idiot."?
     Haw!  Get off me, doofus.  I've got to go clean up the
mess you made in me.
     
     Boys!  Look at that.  Gets his rocks off, I go to the
bathroom and wipe up ... and when I get back, he's already
*asleep* on me!  Shit.  And tomorrow morning he'll be
porking the girls.  <Sigh.>  Mom warned me there would be
days like this.
     
     <Squeak, squeak, squeak.>
     Uh ... uh ... uh!
     Oooh, that feels good, Sis.
     Feels good to me too.  You know Big Brother, you fuck
almost as good as Daddy does.
     I know ... That's what Momma told me.
     Oooh!  Fuck me, Big brother!
     I am ... <Grunt.>  I am!  Here it comes ... Oooh ...
One little baby in one little girl.  Oh God, that feels
good, to squirt in you.
     Um ... Your cummy feels all yummy in my tummy.
     <Snort.>  Just what a little 10-year-old like you needs
. a baby in the tummy.
     Thanks, Billy.
     No charge.  Glad you like it.  I liked it too.
     Yeah ... From all the goo in me, I can tell.
     <Snort!>
     Hey ... Where you going?
     I promised Mom I wouldn't neglect your little sister.
     Oh ... Think you've got anything left?
     Well ... Not really, but Amanda has proven me wrong
before.
     Yeah ... She IS a sexy little twerp, isn't she?
     Almost as much as you are.
     Yeah ... Well you squirt her real good, you hear?  Mom
doesn't want Amanda to miss her first chance at having a big
belly like I did.
     I'll try.  She's just a kid though.  Not many kids get
knocked-up at only seven ... Uh, pardon me ... almost eight
years old, you know.
     You'd better try, anyway.
     Don't I always?
     
     Happy Birthday, Daddy!
     Happy Birthday.
     Me too, Daddy!
     Happy Birthday, Hon.  After church, the girls have a
Birthday Surprise for you.
     God ... I hope it's not something like I got for
Father's Day.
     I thought you really *liked* your Father's Day present!
     I did.  It's not very often that a father has his
little girls give him their own babysitter for a present, so
he can father a little girl on her just like them, and
become a father again, on Father's day!
     So why don't you want it again?
     Because I almost had a heart attack keeping up with the
kid.  Teenagers!  Especially girls.  They can keep going and
going and going and ....
     Like the bunny on TV.
     Like *a* bunny anyway.  That kid breeds like a rabbit.
     You mean, because she's got twins in her tummy?
     That ... And the way she fucks like a mink.  Ooh!  This
tea tastes GOOD.
     That's your first Birthday Present, Hon.  I wondered if
you'd notice.
     I noticed ... I noticed!  This is DAMNED good tea!
     The best in the world, according to "The Custom TEA
House".
     Best in the ... My God, how much did it cost?
     Don't ask.  I know how much you like GOOD tea, so price
was no object.  It's a special tea ... Comes from an island
just off the North Coast of Australia.  Mercy Island.
Surely you've heard of their tea. The only thing they raise
there is tea and a very *special* kind of eucalyptus.
     Eucalyptus?
     For the koalas.  Surely you've heard of THEM?
     I thought they were all in Australia.
     All except those on this one island, which are slightly
different.  It helps with the tea.
     Oh.  Say ... Why the tea leaves and hair in the cup
anyway?  Ick!
     That's the secret!  Each cup of tea gets three tea-
leaves and two hairs from a koala.  They only collect
discarded hairs, so no bears are hurt.  The hairs are what
give it that special taste ... It has something to do with
the special eucalyptus on Mercy Island, that the koalas eat.
     Oh ... But can't you at LEAST strain out the leaves and
hair?  If nothing else, it LOOKS disgusting ... though I'll
admit it tastes good!
     Dear ... With all of YOUR knowledge about tea ... I
thought you would KNOW that "The koala-tea of Mercy is NOT
strained!"
     <Spew!>
     Hack!  Cough!  Augghhh!
     "What's the matter, Dear?  Did I say something wrong?"
     
     Say, Marie?
     Yes, Momma?
     Is that your brother's sperm running down your leg?
     ....
     Uh ... I *think* so?
     You kids!  And after all the lessons last week where
Daddy showed you how babies were made!  Don't you two have a
LICK of sense?
     Uh ...
     Never mind.  All that sperm going to waste.  I'm
ashamed of BOTH of you.  Marie?  Don't you at least have
your diaphragm?
     Uh ... It's in the bedroom ... I think, tacked up on
the bedpost so it'll be handy.
     TACKED up ... with a bloody THUMBTACK?
     Uh ... Yeah ... I think so?  Why?
     <Sigh.>  We'll just have to get you a new one, that's
all.  From now on, DON'T be putting any more holes in your
diaphragms, OK?
     OK, Mom.
     In the meantime, where is it ... Oh ... here.  Now
spread your legs, while I gather up ... Ah ... Got most of
it.  Now let me put *this* in *there* ... OK.  Now you've
got most of your brother's sperm inside you like you're
supposed to.  Some of it MAY leak out through those holes,
but not all that much.  Now keep that in for at least an
hour or two, so your brother's sperm has a chance to soak
inside you.  Then take it out and douche.  That'll both
clean you out, and at the same time *might* wash some of
your brother's sperm even further up inside your womb where
it belongs.  Whatever.  At least you won't be getting
pregnant by accident this way.
     Yes, Mom.
     
     Happy Birthday, Joe!
     Happy Birthday, Mr. Jenkins!
     Uh ... Thanks, but my birthday isn't until tomorrow.
     We know, but that's Sunday.  So we're giving you your
present today!
     Uh ... Present?  Don't you think you'd both better get
dressed first?
     Don't be silly!  WE are your present!
     "We", as in BOTH of you?
     Uhuh ... don't you like it?
     Well ... Uh ... But, not that I'm objecting or
anything, but isn't Judy a bit YOUNG for this?
     Don't be silly!  Judy's almost TWELVE now, and has been
having periods for over a year.  Don't insult her by
treating her like a kid.
     Uh ....
     Oh, c'mere!  Your COCK certainly doesn't think she's
too little.
     Oh God I ....
     ....
     Uh ... Uh ... Uh ... Uh ... Oh God ....
     See ... I TOLD you Judy wasn't too little.  How does
she feel inside?
     Oh God, I'm gonna.
     Do it.  Judy wants it.
     Please, Mr. Jenkins?
     Oh God.  Are you SURE it's OK.  Can I cum in her?
     Please, Mr. Jenkins.  Please?
     Of course you can!  Judy may be a little too young to
get pregnant yet, but that doesn't mean we don't expect you
to TRY.
     Oh God, oh God, oh God.   Oh . sh ... Shheeiiitt!
     I think he's cumming in you, Judy.
     TELL me about it.  Feels like a fire-hose in my belly.
     Huh ,,, huf ... huff.  Damn.  It almost sounds as
though you two WANT me to get your daughter pregnant.
     Well, of COURSE we do.  Why else would we have you fuck
her?  How ELSE is Judy going to learn what sex is really
like, unless she has a baby?
     Oh God.
     Of course, there's not nearly as much chance with her
as with me ... But we can all hope, can't we?
     Oh shit.  You don't mean ....
     Well ... With only one try, and our periods about a
week away, there's not really all that much chance ... But
we do appreciate you trying.
     Oh God.  Are you sure.
     Sure, we're sure.  Talking about periods ... Mom's
gone, out to the kitchen, and you're a man of the world,
aren't you?
     Yeah, so?
     Why do you suppose they call them "periods" anyway.
They aren't all that regular, and they sure cause a mess!
     Well ... That actually WAS the reason ... that they
came around semi-regularly.  But did you know that the
period at the end of a sentence got named after a woman's
monthlies?
     Naw.  You're kidding!
     Think about it:  As you know, with a comma you pause
briefly, and keep on going ... just like most people have
sex every day.  But a period stops you cold ... It's like a
comma ... but without any tail!
     <Snort!>  Oh Gawd, that's rich.
     Thought you were old enough to appreciate that.
     Yeah well ... You'd better take your shower, get
dressed, and we'll meet you out in the kitchen.
     <SSssssSSSssssSSSsssss!>
     Hi, Mr. Jenkins.  Sexy in the shower, isn't it?
     Oh God ... What are you ... Oh, that feels good.
     <SssssSSSsssSSSSSSssss.>
     Mmmmmm!
     <Gulp!  Gulp.>
     Oh God.  I can't believe you did that.
     Mom told me you might need help cleaning up after that.
Seems to me we didn't quite clean you OUT all that
thoroughly; so I figured I'd better take care of things
while Mom fixed breakfast.
     Breakfast?
     Uhuh.  Mom's fixing it, while I "fix" you.  Want to go
again?
     I can't.  No way.  I'm not Superman, you know.
     Your prick seems to think so.
     Oh God.
     Here ... Slide it up in my cunny and get it all wet ...
and then you can put it in my ass, if you want to.
     Oh ... I can't, I ... Oh God, that feels good!
     Try to finish off in my cunny when you're about to cum.
Just wash it off with a little soap and slide it back inside
me when you're ready.  That'll give you a better chance of
knocking me up ... If you'd like that?
     Oh ... I can't.  I shouldn't.
     But you're going to, aren't you?
     God help me, but I am.
     Ooof!  Ohh ... Not so hard.  My ass isn't as flexible
as my cunny.
     Feels damned good though ... Hot and tight!
     Feels damned good to me, too.  Oooh ... Remember what I
said though, and do it right.
     I still can't believe that.  Are you sure that's what
you want.
     Um ... You'd better believe it.  In the meantime, how
do you like my ass?
     Hot and tight.  Almost as good as your vagina.  Damned
cute, too!
     Oooh ... bugger me good, Lover!
     <Gasp!>  Well!  I never!
     Oh Mom!  Maybe it's just as well you didn't.  If you
and Daddy had started doing THIS, you might have liked it so
much you wouldn't have had ME!
     Breakfast will be ready when you two *preverts* get out
of the shower.  <Snort!>
     Don't mind my mom.  She really likes kinky sex too ...
sometimes.
     I never would have guessed.  Ooops!  Hold on ... I
think I'm gonna ...
     Up my front!
     Uh ... I dunno if I can hold ....
     WASH it!
     Ah.  Ooh, that feels even better than your behind.
Sorry, but I can't ... OOOOooooohhhh!  Damn, but I'm dead.
     Oooh.  Thanks, Mr. Jenkins.  For a moment there I
thought you were going to shoot it up my ass.  Oh, not that
I'd MIND all that much ... It's just that today's probably
my best time.  Thanks for thinking of my needs too.  Most
guys would just get off in me wherever they happened to be.
     Thank YOU!  Gawdamn.  The prettiest, *sexiest* little
girl I ever met, not even 12 years old yet, not only gets
undressed and FUCKS the hell out of me; having full vaginal,
unprotected intercourse with me during the middle of her
period; giving me the nicest sex I've had in my entire life,
*with her own mother's permission yet*, and has me do it
when she's fertile ... and then she THANKS me for the
privilege of having me ejaculate my sperm inside her vagina?
When did I die and go to heaven for perverts?
     I take it you *like* this part of your birthday
present?
     This PART?  If you and your mother plan on giving me
any more SEX, I doubt I'll survive it!
     <Giggle!>  Oh don't be silly.  Breakfast is next.
     Oh ... Well, give me a chance to get dressed, first.
     ....
     Well ... How did you like the SECOND part of your
Birthday Present?
     Second?  Oh!  Yes, the breakfast was one of the best
I've ever eaten.  Not quite as wonderful as the first part;
but believe me, I'm not complaining!  You seem to imply
there's MORE?  Much as I'd LOVE to go again with you two
lovely ladies, I DO have to finish the rest of my route
today.
     Yeah ... And I know of at least TWO of your favorite
female people on the route who have ... uh ... "special
treats" planned for your birthday too.
     Oh God.
     Anyway, here's a dollar from each of us.
     A dollar?  I don't get it.  You girls aren't
*insulting* me by suggesting that I'm only worth ....
     "Oh don't be silly!  We BOTH enjoyed every minute of
it.  No, the dollar was my husband's suggestion?
     Your husband KNOWS about this?
     Of course he does!  It was his suggestion ... mostly,
anyway.
     Uhuh!  When Mom and I were debating last night about
what to give you for your birthday, Daddy overheard us
discussing it and said, "You're worried about what to give
the *postman* for his birthday?"
     When we agreed, Daddy came up with the perfect
solution!  He said, "The *postman* huh?  Fuck him.  Give him
a buck."  The breakfast however, was Mom's idea, while I
threw in a little extra in the shower.  A little buggery is
fun too, you know.
     Well ... OK, I guess.  I worry a little bit about your
father though.
     Oh, don't worry about Daddy.  He's like one of those
fire-engines in the old slapstick comedies.  You know ...
the old Black and White movies?  He runs all around with
smoke pouring out the boiler, but when he gets to the fire,
he doesn't have enough hose to put out the flames!
     Is THAT why ...?
     Yeah ... That's mostly why Daddy usually just fucks my
little sisters, and neglects Mom and me so much these days,
when we're fertile and need it most.  Sometimes I think
Daddy's just an old pervert.
     Yeah ... The old "prevert" is a hypocrite too!  The
other day I heard him complaining about the fashions girls
wear these days.  HIM yet!
     Why, what did he say?
     Well, as near as I can remember, he said something
like, "I'm appalled by today's fashions!  Any little girl
who so-forgets her modesty as to parade around to parties,
dances, and even shopping malls in the thin, skimpy, tight,
clinging, almost-naked, abominations that you see these
days, should have somebody snatch her up, take her home, put
her in bed, and make her STAY there!  Furthermore, I'm JUST
the man to do it!"
     
     Hi Billy!
     Lo, Mac!  Wassup, Doc?
     <Snort!>
     Say Mac?
     Yeah?
     You know your uh ... nephew?... cousin? ... little
brother?, Raven ... the kid your father fathered on your big
sister when you were about six?
     Yeah ... What about him?
     Well ... Your father is white, so's your sister ... and
the kid don't have even a black hair on his head.  So ...
Where's he get the name, Raven?  Was he named after Edgar
Allen Poe's pet bird or sumpin'?
     Well ... in a way, I guess.  You DO know that wasn't
the FIRST kid Dad warmed in Celia's oven, don't you?
     Yeah.  So what?  I know she's raising them now with
your uncle.
     Actually, that was the *ninth* time Dad knobbed my big
sister.  While Celly likes having Dad's babies about as well
as any of the girls do, when our little brother was born, my
big sister took one look at him, one at Dad, and said,
"Never More!"
     God ... With all the birth-control methods available
these days, that sounds just plain careless.  Why didn't
your big sister learn to use her head?
     She DID.  But Dad doesn't really believe in all that
kinky stuff.
     You know ... In the days *before* modern birth-control,
there was only *one* thing a girl could do to not have kids.
     What was that?
     Nothing.
     Oh ... OH!  Say Billy ....
     Yeah, Man?
     That reminds me:  Talking about doctors and doing
"nothing" ... You'd better lay off my little sister for the
next week or two ... or at least until she sees the doctor
anyway ... if she hasn't already.
     Why?  Is Carmen on the rag?  I didn't think 9-year-olds
*had* periods.
     Mine does!  But that's not the point.
     Well ... What is?  I'd planned on stopping over after
the game tonight, and figured we could both "sandwich" her.
You know how she likes that.
     Yeah, normally that would be great.  But like I said,
you'd better lay off for a week or two.
     Well ... Like I said, "Why?"
     `Cause she got the clap.
     The cl ... Where did she get it?
     From me.
     From YOU?  How did you ....
     Well ... I went downtown to get one of those $10 blow-
jobs, then decided on something else, instead.  I found this
scuzzy old broad with the drips, and fucked her for the
money instead.  Nobody else would.
     God ... Didn't you KNOW you'd pick up some nasty shit
that way?
     Of course!  That was the whole idea!
     You've lost me.
     Well ... Sis caught it from me, like I expected.  I'm
pretty sure Dad has caught it from Sis by now.  Mom WILL
catch it from Dad.  I figure the postman will catch it from
Mom within the week and ....
     Wait a minute!  Now I understand how sometimes you get
a little pissed off at your family, but what have you got
against the postman?
     I'll teach that son-of-a-bitch to run over my bicycle!
     Oh.
     
     Father?
     Yes, My Child?
     Could I have a quick confession before Mass?  Mom and
Dad are out yakking with the people out there.
     Well ... We DO have almost a half-hour to spare.  Come
in the Rectory here, where we won't be disturbed.
     Yes, Father.  Won't one of the nuns be likely to stop
in and see us though?
     Not if we go in my bedroom ... We can be completely
private there.  See?  Now what's your problem, Child?  You
look all hot and flushed and (if I might be so bold) even a
little sexually excited.
     Really, Father?  You think I'm sexually exciting?  I
thought only BOYS thought that.
     I said, excited, not exciting ... but you're THAT too.
Now what's your problem?  We only have about 25 minutes
left.
     Oh ... Thanks Father.  Uh ... Bless me father, for I
have sinned.  It's been about five days since my last
confession.  These are my sins:
     Uh ... Father?
     Yes Child?
     I've been REAL naughty with my big brother.  But that
isn't the worst thing ... I've been saying nasty things
about him too!
     Nasty things?
     Yes, Father.  Lately I've been calling him a "Son of a
bitch" for the nasty things he did to me.
     Nasty things?
     Yes, Father.  Mac usually starts by feeling me up
underneath my dress?
     Like this?  Up underneath your blouse?
     Oooh!  Yes, Father, and worse too.
     Does he put his hand underneath your bra and feel your
titties too ... like this?
     Oooh, yes Father.  It feels really *good*, so I can't
stop him.  But he does worse too!
     Worse than feeling your breasts, belly, and bare skin
underneath your clothing?
     Yes, Father .... Mmmm.
     Does he feel up underneath your dress, like this?
     Uhuh.  And worse, Father, far worse than that.  Oooh,
that's NICE!
     Worse, huh?  Does your brother, Mac, put his hand in
your panties and feel up inside your tight little snatch?
     Huh ... huh ... huh ... OOOooooh!  Uh ... Yeh ... hes,
Father, and worse too?
     Does he take your panties off, and lick your tight
little twat ... like THIS?
     Oh God.  Don't stop, Father.  Yeh ... hes.  He does
that too, and worse yet.
     Worse yet?  Does your brother take his big prick and
shove it up your little slit, and slide it in and out like
.. like ... UH! ... Like THIS?
     OOOHH!  Oh YES Father!  He does it JUST like that!  And
worse too!
     Oh ... God forgive me, but I'm going to ... Such an
innocent ... I'd better not ... Oh SHIT ... Too late.
     Huh?
     Huf, huf.  Does your brother put his prick up inside
your vagina, shoot his baby-making sperm in your tummy, and
knock you up with his baby ... JU... HUH ... Hust like Ughn!
This?  Is THAT why you call him such a nasty name?
     Oooh, yes, Father.  He does all that and MORE ... and
far worse too!
     Worse than THAT?  What DOES he do ... screw you in the
ass too?
     Oooh ... Thanks Father.  I needed that.  One belly full
of baby.
     Huh?
     Yes, Father, he does that too ... and worse yet.  Far
worse.
     What could *possibly* be worse than that?  After all
THAT, what could possibly be bad enough to make you to call
your own big brother such a nasty name?
     The S.O.B. gave me the clap!
     Why that SON OF A BITCH!
     
     Bless me father, for I have sinned.  It has been one
week since my last confession.  These are my sins:
     Mac?  Is that you?
     Yes, Father.
     <Sigh.>  Why is it that I always *know* that your
confession will cause me more grief and soul-searching than
any ten other supplicants?
     Sorry, Father.
     Sometimes I get a little worried about the morals of
the up-and-coming generation.
     Don't worry so much Father.  They're not really all
that bad.  Why most the girls I go out with won't let me do
even HALF the things I try.
     I knew I should have let Father Braily take this before-
Mass duty ... But he seemed to be unavailable, for some
reason.  Sorry, Son ... Go on.
     Father ... Last week I went downtown to get a blowjob
for ten dollars ... and I came back with a case of the clap
and gave it to my sister, instead.
     That's nice.  I'm glad you were thinking of your sister
instead of yourself, for once.  But why are you apologizing?
     Father?  The clap?  Don't you ... Oh, never mind.  You
just got here in town, unlike Father Braily, didn't you?
     Three weeks ago.  But what has that to do with giving
your sister a present?
     Uh ... Never mind, Father.  Just take my word for it,
that it wasn't right.  Besides, I originally went downtown
to spend my money on a blowjob.
     Oh.  Is there anything else?
     Well ... I did take the Lord's Name in vain several
times, when arguing with my sister.
     I see ... Did that have anything to do with this "clap"
that you gave her?
     Uh ... Yes, it did, Father.
     Probably the wrong size?
     Uh ... One size fits all, Father ... Like a cough or
cold.
     Oh ... I see.
     ....
     Is that all, Son?
     All that I can think of, for the moment.
     For your penance, say five Our-Fathers and ten Hail-
Marys ... and Son?'
     Yes, Father?
     Try not to bring home presents like "the clap" for your
sister next time, unless you're sure she's going to like it.
Maybe you could give HER a blowjob next time, instead of
getting one for yourself, if you see what I mean.
     Gee, Father!  I never had a priest tell me to give my
own sister a blowjob before ... but I bet you're right.  I
bet she'd like it a LOT.  THANKS.  Maybe she'll forgive me
for the other and even knocking her up like I did.
     You knocked your sister down?  I'm afraid I ....
     No, Father.  Not down!  I knocked my sister up!
     It didn't hurt her?
     <SNORT!>  Hurt her?  Callie was begging and screaming
for more, all the time!  She'll probably do the same thing
when I offer to give her a blowjob.
     Let's both hope so.
     Yes, Father.  You're a lot more understanding about
these things than Father Braily is, I must say!
     Absolvite .....
     ....
     Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
     We'll have to hurry this up, My Child.  Mass will be
starting in a few minutes.
     Yes, Father.  Father?
     Yes?
     I feel like a terrible woman.
     Why, My Child?
     I'm thinking seriously about divorcing my husband!  I
know how the Church feels about divorce though, and it's
tearing me apart.
     Why would you want a divorce?  Does your husband beat
you or the children?
     Oh, nothing like THAT father.  He's a good father to
the children and always treats me with the utmost respect
and kindness!
     Then WHY would you want to divorce him?
     Well ... mainly for adultery, but even more for
negligence!
     Adultery and ... Negligence?
     Uhuh!  You see, I have every reason to believe my
husband is NOT the father of my children!
     Uh ... I don't think ....
     Neither does my husband!  I just can't STAND any more
of his sloppy ways.  He's especially careless with his ...
uh ... genital equipment.
     You mean, he doesn't care if he leaves it hanging out?
     <Sigh.>  No.  I mean he doesn't seem to care where he
puts it in ... or even WHO he puts it in, for that matter.
     Does he hurt or abuse the children?
     No ... He doesn't neglect the kids, either.  Like I
said, he's a good father.  I watch to make sure he fucks
each of the girls at least once a day, but he generally
manages at least two or three times apiece; so I'm not
worried there.  <Sigh.>  Though for all his trying, he must
be doing *something* wrong.  Neither one of the kids is
pregnant yet.
     That's another reason I can't trust him.
     You mean, you couldn't trust anybody who has sex with
his own little girls?
     Huh?  What kind of pervert ARE you, Father?  Of course
not.  No.  I mean if I can't trust my husband to get ME
pregnant, how can I trust him to do it for our little girls?
Ginny's going to be ten years old next month, and Marie's
almost twelve now, while neither one of them has tight pants
yet.  Anybody ELSE worth a shit would have knocked up both
kids by now.  I tell you, I just can't trust the man!
     Uh ... I think mass is about to begin.  Perhaps you
could tell me more about your kids later.
     You're right, Father.  How about I bring BOTH girls
over to the rectory right after mass, and you could help get
something straight between them?  I'll tell the girls you
have a bone to pick with them, and if they help you
correctly they could easily straighten the thing out.  With
a little effort, I'm sure you and the girls could work
everything out in the end.  Perhaps you could show my
daughters how, with a little cooperation, that taking things
lying down isn't the only option?  I'm sure that if you put
things to my daughters correctly, they'll get the point in
the end.  After a few months, in fact, perhaps they'll both
understand what life is REALLY about.
     Uh ... Yes ... Let's hope so.
     
     <Click, click, click.>
     <Whump!>
     Oh ... I'm DREADFULLY sorry, Sister.  Here, let me help
you get those books.  I'm afraid we're both late for Father
Braily's Mass.
     You'll be holding one at ten, won't you Father?
     Yes, that's why I'm not too worried.
     Me either.  I'm headed down to the Catechism Class
myself.  That's why the stack of books.
     ....
     Say ... Sister ... Uh ... Sister Catherine?
     Yes, Father?
     Uh ... Perhaps you could help me with a problem I have?
     If I can, Father.
     Uh ... Sister?  What's a blowjob?
     Ten Dollars, Father.  Just like downtown.
     Oh ....
     Why, Father?
     Uh ... Never mind.  Can I see you later about this?
     Why certainly, Father.  I think I could ... uh ... "fit
you in" right after Catechism, if that would be
satisfactory.
     That will be fine, thank you.
     
     Now Dear, TRY not to sleep through Father Braily's
sermon like you did last week.
     I'll TRY dear, but he's so dry and BORING.
     Well ... I'll find SOME way to keep you awake.
     Yes, Dear.
     zzzzzzzzzzz
     Now people, who here can tell me who the savior of the
world is?
     JEESSUUSS KEERIIIST!
     Why that's exactly right Mr. Jones, but you don't have
to respond *quite* so loudly.
     <Whispered:>  Mary!  Why the fuck did you stick me with
that hatpin?
     <Whispered back:>  Because you were *sleeping*, Dear.
Now stay awake!
     ....
     ZZZZZZZZ
     Now congregation ... Who is the father of our redeemer?
     GOD ALMIGHTY!
     Right again, Mr. Jones.  But try to let some of the
other people in the congregation have a chance.
     <Whispered again:> Mary will you STOP that?  It hurts!
     <Whispered back:> Well then, don't fall asleep!
     ....
     ZzzzZZAWZzzzZZ!
     And as I conclude this homily, I want you all to
contemplate one last question during the next week:  What do
you think Eve said to Adam after they had their second
child, Cain?
     YOU STICK THAT GODDAMNED THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, AND
I'LL BREAK IT OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!
     
     Class?  Settle down.
     Now class ... Joey here has a nice little poem he's
written about his little sister.  She just got back from the
hospital, and he got to see her for the first time
yesterday.
     "My little sister", by Joey Sherman.
     Speak up Joey.  They can't hear you in the back
     "My little sister", by Joey Sherman!
     That's better.
     "My baby sister talks so cute."
     "She goos and coos and squeaks."
     "But Momma ought to take her back,"
     "'Cause she's cracked ... and her bottom leaks!"
     Now class ... CLASS!  Thank you.  We've got to get back
to religion.
     Now class, I want you to think about this:  Which part
of your body is most sacred and would go to heaven if it
could.
     Anybody?
     Yes, Judy?
     I think it's your head, `cause that's where you think.
It's what decides to be good or bad, so if part of your body
goes to heaven, it should be the part that thinks.
     Anybody else?  Joey?  Cat got your tongue?
     Why, Sister?  Does it smell like pussy?
     <Laughter.>
     Very smart, Joe.  I'll see you after class.  Yes, I see
you Timmie.
     Somebody?  Anybody?
     Danny?
     I think it's your HEART, `cause it helps you FEEL
what's right to do ... So your heart should go to heaven.
     Very good, both of you.
     Anybody else?
     Yes, Timmie, I see you.
     Anybody else?
     <Sigh.>  OK, Timmie ... (I know I'm going to regret
this.)  What part of your body do YOU think goes to heaven
first.
     Your feet, Sister Catherine!
     Your FEET?  Whatever gave you a silly idea like THAT?
     It's NOT a silly idea!  I know it's your feet that go
to heaven first.
     (I know I shouldn't *ask* this, but:) OK, Timmie, just
WHY do you think feet go to heaven first?
     Because last month, just before Grandma died, I saw
Daddy and Grandma in the bedroom; her feet were WAY up in
the air, pulling her up to the sky while she screamed at
Daddy, "I feel it, Son.  Oh GOD, I'm coming.  I'm coming!"
It was only Daddy jumping naked on top of her and holding
her down that kept Grandma from going to Heaven right then!
     Oh my God.
     Yeah ... Dad said Grandma had acute angina when she
died.  For her age, I think Grandma's tits weren't all that
bad either.
     ....
     Now class ... We still have almost 15 minutes before
Mass is over.  Why don't you kids pass around the papers,
and each one of you draw a picture of what you want to be
when you grow up.
     ....
     That's nice Judy ... I see you want to be a nurse.
     Oh ... Sorry.  A doctor is a good profession too.
     A firefighter?  Very GOOD, Mikey!
     A man and a tractor?  You want to be a farmer?
     I am one.
     Oh ... You say you already ARE a farmer.  So ... How
long have you been a farmer, Joey?
     All my life.
     <Snort.>  OK ... I'll bite.  So ... Can you tell the
class just what was it you did as a farmer during your first
year, Joey?
     Yes, Ma'm.  I milked my mother.
     Uh ... Never mind.
     ....
     What's this woman leaning against a lamppost, Cindy?
     I wanna be a prostitute like Aunt Celia was.
     A prostitute?
     <Thud!>
     Oh Gawd.  I think Sister Catherine has fainted.
     <Groan.>  Oh my head.  What did you say you wanted to
be when you grow up again?
     A prostitute, Sister.
     Oh!  For a second there, I thought you said a
*Protestant*!
     ....
     Nice picture, Maria.  But I don't think girls usually
become prize-fighters, even though the one you show being
knocked-out is a girl.
     Heck no!  I don't want to be no dumb prize-fighter.  I
want to be the girl who's knocked-up!  Joey said that one of
his sisters got that way when she was ten ... and the
Principal paid her $5,000.00 to keep her mouth shut.
     ....
     Now class!  Being from around here, I presume you all
know what incest is.  Anybody?
     Incest is sex with a close relative.
     Very GOOD, Julie!  Now who can tell me which *kind* of
incest would be the most extreme kind?
     Anybody?
     <Sigh.>  OK, Danny, what kind?
     Masturbation, of course!
     Now tell me WHAT would ever give you such a crazy idea
as THAT?
     It's not crazy, Sister.  After all:  What could be a
closer relative than having sex with yourself?  That's why
incest has to be OK.  There's nothing in the Bible against
masturbation.  Besides, Cain, Able, and all of their
brothers MUST have had sex with their own sisters ... or
possibly even their own mother and daughters.  Nothing in
the Bible says where their wives came from, you know.  And
the same thing all over again with Noah.  That's why incest
is best.
     Sit *down* Danny!
     Sorry, Sister.
     Sorry doesn't do it.  If you don't know, don't
volunteer!
     But that's what it says in the ...
     OK ... Who hit me in the back with a spitball?
     Mikey did it!  I seen him do it!
     Kids!  Didn't your teachers ever tell you, you
shouldn't say things like, "I seen him do it."?
     Yeah, Sister.  You sure is right.  Them peeping-toms
sure do get they asses in trouble!
     That's IT!  I've had enough.  OK, dummy, who's your
father?  I'm going to have a word with him after Catechism!
     Don't call ME dummy!  I understand you and Mom went to
the same college, and SHE don't know who my father is
either!
     Danny!
     Well, it's TRUE.  When the teacher at school asked me
to find out about my forefathers, my mom said I *couldn't*
have four fathers, only three!  There's Daddy, Uncle Joe, or
maybe it could have been Grampa, but Mom doesn't much think
so.
     Say, Sister Catherine?
     <Sigh.>  Yes, Danny?
     Back in the Bible, it says, "Adam knew Eve."  Does that
mean they had sex like Sandy told me?
     <Sigh.> I *knew* I should never have taken this job.
Yes, Danny, it does.  Sex is sometimes refered to as "carnal
knowledge".  So, wise-guy, why do you ask?
     I just wanted to be sure that my big sister Karen meant
what I thought she did when she told me, "Know!" after I
asked if I could knock her up this morning.
     
     Hi Judy!
     Lo' Carmen.
     Hey Cynthia!  C'mon over.  Carmen was just telling us
about how Father Braily really stuck it to her in the
rectory.
     Did he "do it" inside you?
     Yeah ... Father Braily must not be getting all that
much from the nuns.  I feel like I've got a pint of cum
sloshing inside me.  You should have heard the way he kept
asking if Billy had done this or that, all the time sneaking
more and more, until he had his cock buried to the hilt
inside me, pumping thick sticky goo at my womb.  Heck, you'd
think the old fart was *trying* to get me pregnant with his
baby.
     Cock?
     Prick ... Penis ... You know ... that dangly-thing men
have between their legs that gets all hard when they see
naked girls like us.
     Oh ... THAT.  Father Braily told ME it was the Key to
the Gates Of Heaven that Saint Peter had loaned him ... and
that *I* had the lock.  If he put *his* key in *my* lock and
turned it properly, then the two of us would live together
in ecstasy.
     Did you let the old pervert do it?
     Uhuh.  And you know ... He was right!  Once Father
Braily put his "key" in my "lock", we WERE in Heaven, and
for almost a half-hour we DID live in ecstasy, just like he
said we would!
     Hey ... Hey!
     What's the matter with HER?
     Yeah, Judy.  What's wrong?
     That Son Of A Bitch!!!
     Huh?
     The motherfucker told me it was Gabriel's horn ... and
I blew it!
     ...
     Say Cynthia!
     Yeah?
     I heard your Uncle Jack got stuck up on the roof the
other day when your mom took the ladder down.
     Yeah, so?
     Did you go get the ladder and help your Uncle Jack off?
     Naw.  We couldn't find it.  Mom must have hid it
somewhere.
     So ... What DID you do?
     My sisters and I all got together and formed a "human
pyramid", so Uncle Jack could go down on all three of us.
     Did it work?
     Not really.  Once Uncle Jack got on top of all three of
us, he knocked us all up.  Things got real messy there, for
a while.
     
     Hello, Little Girl.  My' you're awful cute!  What's
YOUR name, Honey Child?
     My name is Cynthia.  What's yours, Mister?
     I'm a priest, not a mister.  But you can call me,
"Father."
     Oh Good!  Momma will be *so* pleased!  She's been
looking for you since before I was born!
     
     Hi Billy.
     Hi Danny.
     Got into anything good lately?
     Uh ... What do you mean by THAT?
     Never mind ... I guess your daddy didn't tell you yet.
     
     Hi Colleen!
     Hi Julie.  Nice to meet you after church.
     Yeah.  Haven't seen you since the wedding.
     Well ... That's what honeymoons are for, aren't they?
     Yeah, I guess.  So how's life with your brother, now
that, "He's made an honest woman out of you, by marrying the
mother of his kid"?
     Heh, heh.  Well OK, I guess.  The heat is getting to me
though.
     Heat?
     Well, you see:  Oh, between the heat of the day and the
heat of the night, and the heat of me, and the heat of Mike,
with prickly-heat all over my seat, and Mike with his damned
dirty stinking feet, a kid on on side trying to suck, and
Mike on the other side trying to ... Oh why should I go
bothering YOU will all my troubles?
     <Snort!>  Yeah.  How's the kid?
     Horny too ... just like her dad and mom.  What did you
expect?
     So ... Which one of you two was Mike trying to ... Uh,
never mind.
     <Snicker.>
     Well ... I was trying to bring the kid up right, but
then we had Julie, and Mike incested.
     
     G'way kid.  I wouldn't touch jailbait like you with a
ten-foot-pole!
     Ha!  You couldn't raise even ten INCHES!
     You think so, huh?  Well look at the real thing and
weep kid.
     Oh my GOSH.  You're almost as big as DADDY.
     See?
     Please Mister?  Daddy won't be home for HOURS yet.
     Oh God ... a fucking KID yet.
     Yeah ... I bet you don't know that many nine-year-olds
that fuck like *I* do!
     Oh God ... I can't.  I've got to pull out.  Nine years
old?  They'll cut off my prick and hang me with it.
     If you pull OUT before I get off, you won't have to
worry about what "they" will do to you.  I'll shoot your
bloody carcass myself and stomp on the pieces!  Now cum in
me you ... Uh, that's good.  Do it.  Do it.  Do it!
     Oh Sheeeiiiittt!  I'm cumming in a kid.  I can't help
it.  Damn.
     I ain't no KID.  How many kids do you know that fuck
like I do.
     Ooh. Not many.  Not many at all.
     None, you mean.
     Yeah, you're right ... I guess.
     You GUESS?  C'mon ... Let's do it again.  We've still
got a couple hours to go before Daddy gets back and wants
HIS turn.
     Oh God.  It was bad enough fucking you ONCE.  I'd never
forgive myself if I did it again.
     But you're going to anyway, aren't you?
     Yeah ... God help me, but I am.
     See ... I TOLD you I ain't no kid!  I got boobs, hair
on my puss, and my little sister and I `been having periods
for over three months now.
     Oh shit, shit, shit.
     No ... Not shit, shit, shit, but cum, cum, cum.  You
must have put at least a gallon of baby-juice in my tummy.
Not all that bad, for an old-fart.
     <Groan.>
     Yeah.  Wait `till you fuck my little sister.
     
     Oh GOD, what's that horrible smell ... right at the
table, too!
     Damn.  It smells like a pup popped in, pooped, and
popped out again.
     Now *I* would say a cat crept in, crapped, and crawled
out again.
     Shut up and fetch some water!  You're BOTH wrong.  Aunt
Agnes farted, fainted, and fell flat on her face!
     
     Say, Little girl!
     Yeah?
     Is your father in?
     Yeah!
     <Ring ... RING ... Ring!>
     Hey kid!  I thought you said your father was in!
     He IS in ... And that's why nobody answers the door.
He's in my big sister right now.  He was in ME this morning;
and in about another hour he'll be in Mom, if he has
anything left.
     
     So ... What's this I hear about you and Judy having sex
with the postman?
     Uh ... Dan ... I can explain.
     Don't bother.  You women are ALL the same.  If you're
going to be fucking around, why the fuck can't you *at
least* fall for some idiot who drives a beer-truck?
     Uh ... Judy DOES know this funny-looking guy who runs a
micro-brewery ....
     Now THAT is more like it!  Send him over.  I'd like to
meet my new son-in-law.
     
     Dad?  Is that REALLY true what you were telling me
about the birds and the bees?
     Uhuh.  Why?  Don't you believe me?
     Well ... OK Dad, if you say so, but ...
     But?
     But I think I'll go on sticking MINE in girls, if you
don't mind.
     Um ....
     Say, Dad?
     Yeah.
     You know Sister Catherine, down at the church ... The
one who teaches Sunday School?
     Yeah ... Underneath that habit, I bet she's quite a
woman.
     Daaaad!
     Sorry.  My mind was in the gutter.  What is it, Son?
     Well ... Sister Catherine is starting to make trouble
for me.
     Well ... Why don't you just try to be nice for a
change?  Brush your teeth, comb your hair, keep your shirt
tucked-in, do any work she asks you to, say, "Please,
Sister," and "Thank you, Sister," and maybe even take her an
apple now and then like you do your teachers at school.
I'll bet THAT will fix her.
     I'll bet it won't.
     Well, why in Heaven's name, not?
     She thinks I got her pregnant.
     Oh.  Oh shit.
     Yeah.
     ....
     Say Dad ... When am I going to get a bicycle, like the
other boys?
     Geeze.  Do we have to go all over this again?  I just
finished arguing with your mother about it last night.
     Yeah?  But Mom must not have argued all that hard.
     How can you say that about your own mother?  Believe
me, she TRIED.  We just can't afford it yet.
     Yeah?  Well Mom didn't cry all night long and cut off
your tail like she did when she wanted that fur coat!
     
     Sorry Hon, but we can't have sex tonight.
     But tonight's the night we were going to ....
     I know; and I really feel sorry about that.  I feel
like such a fool too about forgetting to take my pill.
     But what am I going to do about THIS?
     Well ... All is not completely lost, you know.
     Huh?
     Well, your sister's husband is out of town today, and
SHE wears a diaphragm.
     Oh.  Yeah, that would work.  Thanks.
     Don't thank ME, thank your sister after she's got your
cum inside her.
     
     Father Braily!  What are YOU doing back here?
     I'm taking a leak.  I didn't mean to shock you, Marie.
     I'm not shocked.  That's a real nice water-spout you
have there ... even nicer than Uncle Joe's or even Daddy's!
Sometimes I wish I had one.
     Well ... If you really want one, I could give you this
one.
     Really?
     Here ... Just lift up your panties, and I'll show you.
     Father ... What do you think you're ... Oh.  Oh that
feels nice!
     Here it comes!
     Huh ... Wha ... Oh.  Father Braily!  Your stuff is all
icky in me.
     Felt good though.
     Yeah ... It did.
     See what I mean ... From now on, you can get as many of
those things as you want.
     <Giggle.>  I guess I can, can't I?
     
     Billy?  What are YOU doing over here?
     Uh ... Mom sent me over to uh ... Uh ... Aunt Helen,
you aren't wearing *anything*!
     Well, then ... I guess you'd better cum inside, hadn't
you.  I think I hear somebody cumming.
     Oh Geeze, Aunt Helen ... You ... You're beautiful!
     Prettier than my daughter?
     Suzy?  Suzy's all right I guess ... But she's only ten
years old ... she's just a KID.  You've got ... got ... Oh
God.  Say, how cum you're not real?
     Not real?
     You're black "down there" but the hair on your head is
yellow.
     It's called "faking it," Dear.  Once you get married
yourself, you'll understand.  I'm pretty sure your little
sister already does.  Now answer *my* question.  I answered
yours.
     Oh?  Speak up.  Tell me what part of my body you like
best ... Which one in particular do you think is better than
Suzy's.  I assume you've been a GOOD boy and helped my
daughter out when she needed it?
     Uh ... Yes'm.  Suzy and I we ... we ....
     <Giggle.>  I know very well what you and Suzy have been
doing in her bedroom those nights you were supposedly
studying biology.  Well, perhaps you were; but it wasn't the
biology in the textbooks you two were studying!
     Uh ... You're not mad?
     Do I look mad?
     No Ma'm.  You look, if you can pardon the expression,
horny as Suzy is.
     Right.  No cement between YOUR ears.  So tell me:
Which part of my body do you REALLY think is better than
Suzy's?  I don't think I can match her tight little cunny,
but most of the rest ....
     Um ... It must be your ears.
     My ears?  My EARS?  Whyever in the world would you pick
my ears as my best feature.
     Well ... They must be as strong as Superman's, Aunt
Helen.  Not only did you know about me and Suzy but ... Back
out there on the porch, when you said you heard somebody
cumming, you were right.  It was me.
     
     Say, Sister?
     Yes, Father?
     Did you ever eat any of Father Flannegin's chili?
     Whooooey, yes!  Why?
     Well ... I know it's the duty of a priest to
occasionally preach about Hell-Fire ... But he's the first
one I ever knew to hand out personal samples!
     <Snork!>  Well ... anyway, hurry up and get undressed.
We ain't got all day.
     Sister?  Are you sure.
     Help me Father.  I *need* this.  This celibate life is
driving me crazy!
     It drives YOU crazy.  How about me?
     Yeah ... Right.  I saw you this morning with that
"innocent" little girl.
     Not really so innocent as all that.  It's lucky she'd
been to the doctor the other day, or we'd have to postpone
this.
     Poor Father.  We *all* feel so sorry for him.  Ever
since they changed the rules of the Church, all the Good
Catholics now get to eat meat on Fridays ... But the poor
priest gets nun.
     <Snicker.>
     <Giggle!>
     Sister!  Don't squeeze so hard.  I don't have a condom
on yet.  If you don't watch out I'm gonna ....
     Ah ... ahhhh.  AAAGGHHHH!   I ... I ... I ...
IeeeeeeeEEEEEE!
     Damn ... Let me out.  I'm going to ... Oh SHIT!
     Oh God, that feels good.  Sorry, Sister, I just
couldn't help myself.
     You're sorry ... YOU are sorry?!  Oh God.
     Sister?  SISTER?
     Huff, huf, hhuuuffff.
     Sister ... WHAT the fuck are you doing?
     Jumping up and down with my legs spread, what's it look
like?
     Sister ... If you keep doing that in front of the
window like that, everybody in town is going to wonder what
you're doing.
     Yeah, but:  If I don't jump up and down and get out all
that white shit you squirted inside me, then in a few months
everybody in town will KNOW what the two of us were doing
just now.
     Oh.  Are we still on for tonight?
     Certainly!  You KNOW how much I hate to sleep alone.
     What about Sister Catherine?
     She can go crawl in bed with Father Flannegen, if she's
that horny.
     Think he'd know what to do with her?
     Who cares?  SHE knows what to do with HIM, and it's
about time he learned "The Facts Of Life" around this
parish.
     "Facts Of Life", huh?  Like how babies are made?
     That too.
     
     <Sniffle!>
     What's the matter Julie?
     Oh Momma, I'm scared!
     Why?
     Today Billy told me that a baby comes out the same hole
where a man puts his seeds in.
     Yes, that's right.  So?
     I'm scared Daddy's baby is going to knock out my teeth!
     
     Mom?
     Yes, Bobby?
     Can I change my name to Georgie?
     Whatever FOR?
     `Cause I want to make some Valentines for my sisters,
and I don't know another word that rhymes with "orgy".
     Here I thought you were going out with that nice little
girl next door.
     I WAS ... but then we broke up.
     Whatever for?  I though you liked her.  Wasn't she
pretty enough?
     I did ... and she was!
     So ... Why aren't you over there fucking HER instead of
chasing after your little sisters.  You'd think you'd be
getting a little tired of only having sex with the girls by
now.  A little variety is good for a boy.
     Well ... Promise you won't tell anybody, Mom?  I don't
want to hurt Judy's feelings any more than I already did.
In spite of everything, she's still a really nice kid ...
but ONLY a kid.
     I promise.
     Well ... Judy and I were ... uh ... fooling around the
other day in her bedroom, and I ... uh ... we got our
clothes off, and I stuck my thing in between Judy's legs,
and ... and ....
     What happened, Son?  Did Judy's father catch you kids
going at it like two rabbits, and get mad at you, or
something?
     No ... It's just that ... Fucking Hell, Mom.  I know
she don't have no brothers to fuck, but ... but ... You see,
Judy is still a VIRGIN!  I just couldn't DO it with her!
     Well!  I don't blame you for breaking up with her!  If
Judy ain't good enough for her own daddy to fuck, then she
ain't good enough for you either!
     
     Cindy, please?
     No.  No.  NO!
     Please?
     No.
     OK.  If that's the way you want it.  One more time and
I'm driving you home ... and from then on you can fuck
yourself!
     Oh ... All right.  I'll give you ONE chance and one
chance only.
     You mean we can fuck?
     Well ... ONLY if you can tell me *exactly* what I'm
thinking of.  But if you get it wrong, then that's it ...
You drive me home and we'll forget the whole thing.
     But ... That's not FAIR.
     Take it or leave it.  And remember:  You've got to get
it *exactly* right!
     Well ... OK ... I guess.  <Grumble, grumble.>
     A purple and green-striped elephant standing on it's
head, blowing up a balloon while monkeys string Christmas
lights on its ....
     Stop right now!  That's DISGUSTING ... But it's close
enough!
     ....
     Oh God ... I'm going to cum.
     Don't cum inside me!  Mom will have a FIT if I get
pregnant on my first date!
     Your Mom?
     Yeah ... Mom was a GOOD GIRL.  She didn't get knocked-
up until the homecumming orgy in her freshman year in high-
school.  Sometimes Mom gets all prissy about such things.  I
never would have made it without sex until I was fourteen.
It was bad enough being forced to wait until I was eight!
If I couldn't have been fucking for the last three years or
so I ....
     Oh God, I'm gonna ....
     Don't you DARE!
     Uh ... Whoo ... Just made it.  What about your dad?
     Daddy?  He was a lot more normal, I guess.  Daddy had
at least two of his little sisters carrying his kids, and
must have knobbed at least one niece (if not two or three)
before he and Mom got it on.
     Ooooh!  Oh shit.  God, that feels good.
     Oh Shit is right.  And yes, you're right, it does.  But
you weren't supposed to cum in me!
     Too late ... I already did.  Anyway, it doesn't matter.
     Doesn't matter?  Doesn't MATTER!  Why you unfeeling ...
Oh God, what am I going to tell Mom.  I'm right in the
middle of my period.  Oh God ... What are we going to name
the baby?
     <Splat!>
     Well ... If he gets out of the knot I tied in that
rubber, we'll call him "Houdini".
     Oh you ....
     I *thought* you'd like that.  Same time next week?
     Same time, same channel.  Only you'd better have at
least TWO of those rubber things, if you plan on having any
luck at all.
     Sure thing, Chickie Baby!
     <Varrooom!>
     
     Danny?
     Yes, Mom?
     Your father and I aren't too happy with the type of
girls you've been going out with lately.
     Well ... Neither am I; but they're the best lays I can
pick up with the crummy car Dad has.
     Well ... We're not all that happy with some of the boys
you've been going out with either.
     Mom!  Just because some of them are Indians ....
     I believe they prefer to be called "Native Americans"
these days.
     Some do.  Some don't.  I can't believe my own mother is
so bigoted she'd object to my hanging out with the tribe.
     It isn't that ... It's the names some of those kids
pick for themselves.
     Names they pick?
     Obscene names, some of them.  OK, one of them anyway.
The kid who was over yesterday?
     Yesterday?  Oh ... You mean, B.R.?
     Mom!  Don't you understand how his tribe picks their
names?  When a kid grows up, he gets a *man's* name,
depending on the man-naming-chore the tribe sets him, and
how well he performs it.  So "Running Bear" outran a bear in
a foot-race, while "Twisted Feather" shot a deer with an
arrow that had broken fletching.
     I know that.  That's what gets me about this "friend"
of yours.
     You don't understand Mom.  Until they get their man's
name, each child is named by his/her parents after the
reason they were ... uh ... what's the word?  "Conceived",
that's it.  So "Silver Moon" is named after the moon that
allowed her parents to see well enough one night to ... you
know ... get it on?
     And the others?
     Well, "Cold Night in the Winter" ... I think is self-
explanatory.  They snuggled up and ... Well, you get the
idea.
     So ... See if I get this right ... Because he hasn't
gotten his man's name yet, that's why your friend is called
"Broken Rubber"?
     Uhuh.  You got it, Mom.

     Say, Doctor?
     Yes?
     Did you ever make a terrible mistake?
     Well ... yes ... once ... But I married her first.
     Doctor?  Uh ...?
     Yes?  Speak up!  This appointment isn't for all day,
you know.
     What's good for crabs?
     Crabs of the opposite-sex.  But if you want to know
what's BAD for them, try some of this special liquid-soap.
Is there anything else today?
     Well ... Doctor, I'm really worried about Jimmy.
     Why?  He seems like a normal-enough four-year-old to
me.
     I'm scared the kid might be obsessed with sex.  Heck,
even *I* didn't start having sex with Daddy until I was six!
     What makes you think the boy is interested in sex at
his age?
     Well ... This is embarrassing ... He keeps peeking up
between my legs!
     You and your husband HAVE explained to the kid where
babies come from, haven't you?
     Uh yeah.  When I was pregnant with his little sister,
and after she was born.
     See ... That explains it perfectly.
     Explains WHAT?
     Well ... I talked to the kid, and after you explained
where his little sister came from, and you started getting
big again, he wants to know if the "stork" left him that
little puppy he's been praying for.  He figures that one
little sister to fuck should be enough.
     Anyway ... Why would you be so worried about your son
being oversexed in the first place?
     Well ... This is embarrassing!
     Don't worry about it.  As a psychiatrist, I hear lots
of strange stories ... especially in THIS community.  Some
of the families around here, you wouldn't believe if I told
you.  Even the pr ... Uh, never mind.  So tell my why you're
*really* worried about a four-year-old kid being interested
in sex with his own mother.  Incest isn't really all that
uncommon, you know.
     Well ... Doctor, it's just that I'm an alcohol-
nymphomaniac.
     Explain.  I don't think I've heard that exact
combination before.
     Well ... Uh ... You see:  Just one sip of whiskey turns
me into an uncontrollable nymphomaniac.  I flip, I strip,
and I grip the first man I see!
     Oh ... I see.  Well, thank Goodness you came to me.
That's VERY easy to treat.  Now just lie down there on the
couch and get comfortable while I pour us each a shot of
bourbon.
     THAT is supposed to cure me?
     Well ... After we finish your "therapy", you'll screw
around just as often, but at least you won't be worried
about it any more.
     Oh.  Thanks, Doctor!  Hurry up with that whiskey,
before I start without you.
     You know, Doctor?
     What now?  Somebody ELSE in your family with troubles?
     Yeah ... Uh ... God that feels good.
     Huf, huf, huf.   You ... Huf ... Are right ... It ...
Huff ... Does.
     Yeah ... Whoooeee, BABY!  My husband thinks he's a dog.
     Oh!  Here it COMES ... Oooh.  I'm done.
     Already?
     Well ... OK ... Give me another 15 minutes.
     Well ... If you insist.  Maybe I can speed things up a
bit here ....
     Oh Jesus!  You keep THAT up, and I won't have anything
to put inside your snatch!
     Yum!  Cum wherever you want, Doc.
     So ... Whoo ... Why don't you send in your husband to
see me?
     I would ... But I can't.
     Why not?
     He's not allowed up on the couch.
     
     This whole story is dumb and pointless ... But if
you've gotten THIS far, you'll probably go on and read the
next line, which is equally dumb and pointless, and after
that you're apt to go and finish the whole paragraph, which
(as you can see) has no point to it at all!

-- 
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