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Message-ID: <44445asstr$1064477415@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: diing2slowly@yahoo.com (diing2slowly)
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
NNTP-Posting-Date: 24 Sep 2003 22:57:02 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} REPOST: i never meant for any of this to happen (1/?)
Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2003 04:10:15 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
Approved: <assm@asstr-mirror.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

This is a repost, the reason being is because i have found out that a
public web service, ie, dejanews, does not import commas from word
very well, that is to say not at all, so i have had to correct the
whole fucking thing.  why am i using dejanews you might ask? because
im at a fucking library, that why...

all of this is fake, sick stuff oozing from my drug damaged mind, at
least thats what i said last time, i think...

actually, a good part of this is true, infact, like 90%.
no bullshit

but i have to be a productive member of society, hers to you mr
therapist, mrs probation officer, and say don't do anything in nature
similair to this, if you do you should be hung from the gallows by
your belly button.

p.s. your rice krispies, they lied to you.

                                             diing2slowly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I never meant for any of this to happen, for the things I have done,
the way my life has played out, but that is what everyone says, isn't
it?  That it didn't happen the way they planned, but they, as well as
I know it's a lie.

When I headed down that road I knew what was going to happen
eventually, and for what it is worth, I am sorry.

I can't really pinpoint when I knew that I was anything but normal.  I
can't say that I was born this way, for I feel that I am product of my
upbringing, a product of things that were done to me.  I often wonder
that if my will was stronger, that my heart was truer, the cycle of
abuse would have stopped with me.  But I am weak and in the end I
enjoyed what happened to some extent.  It wasn't what I was forced to
do, but rather that what I received was the desire to be him.  To be
that man who forced me to swallow his dick and pulled on mine until I
screamed in pain, I wanted to be him. Dominant and controlling,
finding enjoyment in someone else's destruction.  To kill them without
them dying.  To have a bitch pleading for mercy, begging for her life,
I wanted it.  I became him, but better, for he couldn't do what I can.
 I never meant to kill that little girl, nor any other girls after
her.

I guess you could call this my confession.  On these pages are the
stories of my life.

My abuser left shortly after he finished with me.  Two years had
passed before anything new had happened.  I was at daycare, seven
going on eight.  An older girl, maybe thirteen. She had short brown
hair and green eyes and an ironic name, Faith.  It was Halloween,
everyone but the older kids were dressed up, that included me, dressed
as a cat because my mother thought it was cute.  Faith took my hand
and led me behind some closets and told me that she wanted to see my
'thingy' and she would show me hers.  I didn't move or say anything as
she unbuttoned my pants and pushed them to the ground.  Her finger
gently pulled back the elastic waistband of my underwear and she
looked down into it.  "Its ugly," she remarked as she pushed down my
underwear and fell to her knees.  She grabbed a hold of my dick and
began to pull and twist my cock as if was play-doh.
 
I began to whimper. 

"Be quiet you sissy," Faith ordered.  I nodded my head as she turned
me around and forced me against the wall.  Faith grabbed my hips and
pulled my ass towards her, "Lean forward," and I did.  My head was
against the wall, my teeth biting into my lips as Faith continuously
pulled my dick down then let go.  "Don't make a single sound," Faith
whispered as she grabbed my balls, crushing them in her hand.  I kept
my head down as the tears ran down my cheeks.  "Good boy," Faith
muttered than smacked my ass.  "Now you want to see me?"

I nodded my head.

She kissed my cheek after whispering, "Okay, but one more thing
first."  She began to rub my ass.  I felt a finger slide between my
cheeks and push against my asshole.  "Now don't make a fucking sound,"
Faith reminded me as she pushed her finger into my ass, ripping it
apart, pushing with her whole body.  The pain, so intense, blocked out
everything but her laugh.  Faith kept on fingering my ass, pulling in
and out, digging deep and slowly backing down.  Then with one quick
motion, she pulled out and I fell to the floor.

I didn't want to scream.  I didn't want her to stop hurting me.  I
enjoyed it, the pain, the humiliation.  I wanted Faith to torture me,
never to stop, and for the time being, it did, the commands kept
flowing from her lips.

"Roll over."

I did.

"Open your mouth."

I did.

"Clean it off."

I did.  I let her put that finger, covered in blood and shit into my
mouth.  I wanted to puke.  Her finger slipped from my mouth, "Now you
can see me."

Faith sidestepped over me, lifted her dress and pulled down her pink
panties.  "Look at it."  I did, my eyes fixated between her legs. 
"Can you see it?"

I shook my head, no.

Faith stood over me again and looked down at me.  She fell to her
knees, sitting upon my chest, her pink panties clutched tightly in her
hands.  Slowly she placed them beneath her nose.  "They smell funny. 
Kind of smell bad, but at the same time they don't.  Here, smell," as
she pushed them against my nose.  "You like the smell of them don't
you?"  I didn't answer.  Faith balled up her fist and slammed it
against my cock.  I opened my mouth to scream but before I could yell
Faith shoved her pink panties down my throat.  Faith nailed me again,
and then leaning forward, her lips barely touching my lips, "I fucking
told you not to make a fucking sound, didn't I?"

I nodded my head, yes.

"You going to answer my questions like a good boy?"

Again, yes.

"You liked the smell of my dirty panties?"

I shook my head.

Faith reached back, dug her nails into my dick and pulled it towards
her.  "Do you think I smell bad?  You think I'm dirty?"

I began to violently shake my head.

"Oh, so you do like the smell?"

Nodded, yes.

"You are a nasty disgusting boy, aren't you?"

Yes.

She let go.  "You want to touch me down there?"

Yes.

Faith guided my hand under her dress.  Soft, tiny, fine hairs lightly
scattered across her skin, wet.  "You like the way it feels?"

Yes.

"You want to see it?"

Yes.

She stood up and turned around then sat down upon my chest again. 
Faith then leaned forward and gently commanded as she toyed with my
dick, "Lift up my dress."  I grabbed a hold of the hem and slowly
lifted it up over her white legs and tiny ass.  "Lift your ass up."

I did.

She wrapped her lips around my dick and began to bite into it while
she pushed her finger into my ass.  When the initial pain subsided and
my eyes dried up a bit I stared at her, the small pink folds that lay
between her legs, the barely visible blond hairs that surrounded them.
 I used both of my hands and began to softly touch her pussy,
spreading her lips apart, hearing the moist skin separate, noticing
how the deep pink grew paler, whiter.  The thumbs of my hands began to
run up and down her slit, one thumb sliding up to the hard mound that
lay near her stomach and the other sliding down, then slipping in. 
Faith stopped biting my cock, instead just letting her jaw fall slack,
her lips against my pelvis, her warm breath growing heavier, wetter. 
Her legs slid further apart and began to push up against my thumb. 
Drool dripped from her lips and slipped its way down between my legs. 
I stopped and pulled my thumb out.  Faith bit into my cock again.  My
thumb went back into her pussy.  She stopped biting so harshly and
began to force two of her fingers into my already abused ass.  I
pushed against her as she twisted and turned her fingers into my ass,
ripping it apart.  I slid my left hand over her ass cheeks and down
the crack of her ass.  There, above my right hand, was the response to
her molestation.  I figured if she could violate my ass, I could
violate hers as well.  I put my index finger against her asshole and
pushed in.  Faith stopped fingering my ass and her head jumped off my
cock as I forced my finger into her dry asshole.  Faith kicked herself
off me, tears in her eyes.  "Why did you do that to me?  Did I tell
you to do that to me?"  She kicked my ribs.

I shook my head no as I folded over. 

"Stand up so I can punish you."

I stood up as she directed, but I was bound determined to not to be
abused by her anymore.  I got to my feet and faced her, my fists
balled at my sides, my eyes staring into hers.  I swung.  My fist
pushing its way into her stomach.  Faith fell to her knees.  I kicked
her in her ribs.  Faith fell over, crying.  I took her pink panties
from my mouth and shoved it down hers.  I slid her dress over her
neck.  Faith was sobbing but otherwise not moving.  She was wearing a
little pink bra that matched her panties and underneath was something
I wanted to see.  I pulled it up over her budding breasts and began to
pull on them, squeezing and twisting the nipples.  I fell on top of
her lowered my lips to her left breast and sucked on it.  I then moved
to her right and bit into it.  Faith didn't fight; she just laid
there, eyes closed, trying to hold back her tears.  I moved down to
her legs and forced them apart.  With an open palm I hit her on her
pussy.  She forced her legs shut.  I lifted my eyes to hers and she
locked into mine.  Her sobs became louder as she slowly spread her
legs apart again.  My eyes never left hers as I hit her pussy again. 
She rolled her head, but left her legs open.  I began to fondle her
pussy furiously.  Pulling at her lips, ripping at the tiny blonde
hairs on her mound, pushing finger after finger into her tight hole. 
Faith balled, tears running down her reddened cheeks soaked the
carpeted floor below her.  I reached up and pulled the panties from
her mouth.  Faith forced out of her dry mouth,  "Stop, please, stop,
I'm sorry, please..."

I smiled and slithered my way back down between her legs and I caught
sight of that hardened mound at the top of her pussy.  I pinched it. 
Faith threw her hand over her moth to quiet her scream.  I leaned
forward, opened my mouth, and bit down.  She closed her legs around my
head and balled up around my head.  I slid from between her legs and
laid on top of her.  "Please, no more, sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll do
anything if you promise to stop."

I felt it,  had it, I was the boy becoming the man I wanted to be.  I
stood up, pulled my pants up and looked down at her.  Faith put her
dress back on and cried.  "I'm going to hold you to that promise
Faith," I spat, turned around and left.

The next day I made Faith make good on her promise.  We were outside
playing at the playground.  She was with her girlfriends by the swing
set, I was lurking in the shadows at the edge of the playground,
hidden from view.  I mustered up what little courage I needed and
walked up behind Faith quietly, stalking my prey.  I reached out my
hand, gently touched her ass with my fingertips  until the palm of my
hand was on her round ass, then squeezed.  Faith didn't turn around,
nor did she say a word.  I leaned up and whispered in her hear, "You
and one of your friends meet me at the edge of the field in five
minutes."  I let go of her ass and walked away and waited.  And
waited.  She never showed.


Later that day I watched Faith head for the bathroom.  Quietly I snuck
out the door and followed her.  She step down the hall, opened the
door, and walked in.  Without making a sound, I followed.  I peered
inside and saw that no one else was there.  I bent down and saw her
ankles below the stall furthest from the door.  I waked over and
waited for the lock to click.

A flush of the toilet, then the zip of a pair of jeans, then the slow
turning of the knob, I pushed the door in, hitting Faith in the face. 
"What happened this afternoon?"

"hat the fuck are you talking about?" Faith screeched as her hand went
to her face, rubbing the spot where the door hit her in the forehead.

"Telling you how to make good on your promise," I returned.  I pushed
Faith back and shut the door behind me,  locking it.  I punched her in
the stomach.  Faith fell to the toilet seat gasping for air.  "Stand
up." I said,  taking pity on the older, yet weaker girl.

"You didn't think I really meant that did you?"

I slapped her face.  "Think?"

"It was a ploy to make you fucking stop," Faith said as she pushed me
against the door of the stall.

I slapped her again, then punched her.  This time she fell to the
floor.  I kicked her ribs.  I kicked her stomach.  Faith's hands
reaching out as her mouth kissed the tile floor.  I bent down and
grabbed her hair in my hands and lifted her up.  Her hands grabbed
mine, supporting her as I lifted.  "I guess I'll have to do you
again."  I sighed as I pushed her against the bathroom stall.  I
grabbed one of her arms and bent it  behind her back in a half nelson,
lifting her on her toes.  Her other hand tired to push against the
wall,  trying to knock me off balance.  The more she pushed the more I
lifted her arm up, pushing her face against the wall.  I let my other
hand begin, first sliding under her shirt, forcing her bra away from
her developing breast, grabbing a nipple and twisting.  Her mouth
opened wide letting out a soft screech as her nipple was turned over
itself.  I let go and went to the other.  Again she let out a soft
cry, but bit the bottom of her lip to keep from letting anything
louder out.  I stuck out my tongue and licked the tear that ran down
her cheek.  I slid my hand down and unbuttoned her jeans, pushed the
zipper down and started clawing at her pussy.  I wrapped her ear with
my lips and held her lobe between my teeth,  whispering, "Quiet now." 
My fingers found her clit, that wonderfully hard fold of skin that
sent her wheeling yesterday and pinched it.  I could hear the yell she
fought off, I could see the pink of her lips taking on a red hue.  I
pushed her jeans and panties down over her ass to her knees and then
reached behind me.  My hands came across the toilet paper holder and
pulled the roll off.  I let the tissue fall to the floor holding he
bar in my hand.  I pushed it against her asshole and began twisting
it, turning it like a screw.  Faith's eyes were tightly shut, as well
as her lips, fighting back her tears and cries for help.  when my hand
was pressed firmly against her ass and the bar planted inside of it, I
pulled her panties up and lifted her jeans up, released my hold on her
arm and let her fall to the floor.  "Get on your knees and open your
mouth Faith."  I watched as she awkwardly maneuvered her body to avoid
the pain of the bar, trying not to let it slide in any further,  and
get to her knees.  I unzipped my pants and pulled out my cock and
placed it against her lips and relieved myself into her mouth.  She
tried to get out of the way, ,but I grabbed hold of her hair and held
her face still as I urinated all over her face and neck, watching the
golden color spray against her lips and run down her chin, over her
neck, between her tits.  I finished and smiled, "Clean yourself up and
get that thing from out of your ass."

Faith quit crying, she didn't say anything, didn't look at me as she
pulled her jeans and panties down and pushed the bar from her ass. 
When the tip had surfaced enough to grab it she pulled it out then let
it fall to the floor.  She pulled up her jeans then looked at me,
briefly, then let her eyes fall to my feet, "I'm sorry," she said as
she waited for me to let her out.  I walked out the door as she turned
on the water to wash away the urine.  Unfortunately for her, the smell
wreaked from her clothes the rest of the day.

The following day Faith was again with her girlfriends at the
playground.  I stood back and watched her as she glanced from side to
side, her hair gently being pulled by a gentle breeze that also teased
her and her friend's dresses.  She caught my eye and shook her head
and took a girls hand and the two of them walked to the far side of
the field, whispering to each other.  I followed.  Faith led her
behind a tree and the two of them waited, but continued to talk. 
"I'll tell you in a minute," I heard Faith say.

"No tell me now, we're not supposed to be here, we're going to get
into trouble,"  the other girl whined.

"Shut up!  There is something I want to show you."  Faith said
nervously
she looked about, then saw me walking up to the tree.  "Hold on, stay
here," Faith directed to the girl and walked to me.  "So what do you
want?"

"I want you to do to her what you did to me while I watch."

"What?  You're kidding right? I'm not gay."

"I don't care, if you want me to leave you alone, you'll do it."

"Fine then."

I then turned and walked into the woods and circled around.  I stood
behind a tree and watched.  The girl Faith had was about the same age
as her, blonde hair and blue eyes.  I watched as Faith walked up to
her and whispered in her ear as she crept in close, lifting the girls
dress up slowly, revealing her victim's white legs.  Her friend pushed
her dress down then pushed Faith away and turn as if to run, but Faith
caught her and threw her to the ground, pinning her down, her two arms
above her head, being held with one of Faith's hands.  Faith again
started to lift the girl's dress up to her stomach and the girl began
to cry as she laid there, the white panties the only thing covering
her lower half up.  I watched as Faith pulled the waistband up then
pulled it down to the girl's thighs where Faith's feet pushed them
down  her legs, over her ankles, and off of her feet.  The girl's
pussy was covered in thick light brown hair and she cried when Faith
spread her apart.  She yelled when Faith stuck her fingers into her
pussy.  Faith bent down and kissed her to keep her from yelling
louder.  The girl began to fight back, pushing this way and that,
trying to knock Faith from her, but Faith held tight. her fingers
moving in and out of the girl's pussy, using two, then three,  adding
the fourth, and pushing her thumb in as well as the girl screamed in
pain, her hands breaking free from Faith's hold, scratching the
ground, trying to break push herself away from Faith and Faith's
raping of her.  I couldn't help but notice how red Faith's hands were,
how loudly the girl was screaming.  I looked up and saw teachers
walking towards us.  I slid away from view and waited.  I didn't see
much, but the one thing I did see was the look on the teacher's faces
when the saw Faith's fingers raping this little blonde's cunt, the
blonde crying in pain and fear, Faith smiling with her other hand up
her dress, fingering her own cunt.

That was the last time I saw her.  It didn't matter.  She didn't
matter.

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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