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Message-ID: <44420asstr$1064290203@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: diing2slowly@yahoo.com (diing2slowly)
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NNTP-Posting-Date: 23 Sep 2003 00:36:40 GMT
Subject: {ASSM} i never  meant for any of this to happen (1/?) m/f, n/c
Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2003 00:10:03 -0400
Path: assm.asstr-mirror.org!not-for-mail
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d

none of this is true, its all from my sick sad mind, yadda, yadda,
yadda...
this is my first story/post, and in being so, this is a work in
progress, all comments well be appreciated

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never meant for any of this to happen, for the things I have done,
the way my life has played out, but that is what everyone says,
isn’t it?  That it didn’t happen the way they planned, but
they, as well as I know it’s a lie.

When I headed down that road I knew what was going to happen
eventually, and for what it is worth, I am sorry.

I can’t really pinpoint when I knew that I was anything but
normal.  I can’t say that I was borne this way, for I feel that
I am product of my upbringing, a product of things that were done to
me.  I often wonder that if my will was stronger, that my heart was
truer, the cycle of abuse would have stopped with me.  But I am weak
and in the end I enjoyed what happened to some extent.  It
wasn’t what I was forced to do, but rather that what I received
was the desire to be him.  To be that man who forced me to swallow his
dick and pulled on mine until I screamed in pain, I wanted to be him.
Dominant and controlling, finding enjoyment in someone else’s
destruction.  To kill them without them dying.  To have a bitch
pleading for mercy, begging for her life, I wanted it.  I became him,
but better, for he couldn’t do what I can.  I never meant to
kill that little girl, nor any other girls after her.

I guess you could call this my confession.  On these pages are the
stories of my life.

My abuser left shortly after he finished with me.  Two years had
passed before anything new had happened.  I was at daycare, seven
going on eight.  An older girl, maybe thirteen. She had short brown
hair and green eyes and an ironic name, Faith.  It was Halloween,
everyone but the older kids were dressed up, that included me, dressed
as a cat because my mother thought it was cute.  Faith took my hand
and led me behind some closets and told me that she wanted to see my
‘thingy’ and she would show me hers.  I didn’t move
or say anything as she unbuttoned my pants and pushed them to the
ground.  Her finger gently pulled back the elastic waistband of my
underwear and she looked down into it.  “Its ugly,” she
remarked as she pushed down my underwear and fell to her knees.  She
grabbed a hold of my dick and began to pull and twist my cock as if
was play-doh.  I began to whimper.  “Be quiet you sissy,”
Faith ordered.  I nodded my head as she turned me around and forced me
against the wall.  Faith grabbed my hips and pulled my ass towards
her, “lean forward,” and I did.  My head was against the
wall, my teeth biting into my lips as Faith continuously pulled my
dick down then let go.  “Don’t make a single sound,”
Faith whispered as she grabbed my balls, crushing them in her hand.  I
kept my head down as the tears ran down my cheeks.  “Good
boy,” Faith muttered than smacked my ass.  “Now you want
to see me?”  I nodded my head.  She kissed my cheek after
whispering, “Okay, but one more thing first.”  She began
to rub my ass.  I felt a finger slide between my cheeks and push
against my asshole.  “Now don’t make a fucking
sound,” Faith reminded me as she pushed her finger into my ass,
ripping it apart, pushing with her whole body.  The pain, so intense,
blocked out everything but her laugh.  Faith kept on fingering my ass,
pulling in and out, digging deep and slowly backing down.  Then with
one quick motion, she pulled out and I fell to the floor.

I didn’t want to scream.  I didn’t want her to stop
hurting me.  I enjoyed it, the pain, the humiliation.  I wanted Faith
to torture me, never to stop, and for the time being, it did, the
commands kept flowing from her lips.  “Roll over.”  I did.
 “Open your mouth.”  I did.  “Clean it off.” 
I did.  I let her put that finger, covered in blood and shit into my
mouth.  I wanted to puke.  Her finger slipped from my mouth,
“Now you can see me.”  Faith sidestepped over me, lifted
her dress and pulled down her pink panties.  “Look at it.”
 I did, my eyes fixated between her legs.  “Can you see
it?”  I shook my head, no.  Faith stood over me again and looked
down at me.  She fell to her knees, sitting upon my chest, her pink
panties clutched tightly in her hands.  Slowly she placed them beneath
her nose.  “They smell funny.  Kind of smell bad, but at the
same time they don’t.  Here, smell,” as she pushed them
against my nose.  You like the smell of them don’t you?” 
I didn’t answer.  Faith balled up her fist and slammed it
against my cock.  I opened my mouth to scream but before I could yell
Faith shoved her pink panties down my throat.  Faith nailed me again,
and then leaning forward, her lips barely touching my lips, “I
fucking told you not to make a fucking sound, didn’t I?” 
I nodded my head, yes.  “You going to answer my questions like a
good boy?”  Again, yes.  “You liked the smell of my dirty
panties?”  I shook my head.  Faith reached back, dug her nails
into my dick and pulled it towards her.  “Do you think I smell
bad?  You think I’m dirty?”  I began to violently shake my
head.  “Oh, so you do like the smell?  Nodded, yes.  “You
are a nasty disgusting boy, aren’t you?”  Yes.  She let
go.  “You want to touch me down there?”  Yes.  Fait guided
my hand under her dress.  Soft, tiny, fine hairs lightly scattered
across her skin, wet.  “ You like the way it feels?”  Yes.
 “You want to see it?”  Yes.  She stood up and turned
around then sat down upon my chest again.  Faith then leaned forward
and gently commanded as she toyed with my dick, “Lift up my
dress.”  I grabbed a hold of the hem and slowly lifted it up
over her white legs and tiny ass.  “Lift your ass up.”  I
did.  She wrapped her lips around my dick and began to bite into it
while she pushed her finger into my ass.  When the initial pain
subsided and my eyes dried up a bit I stared at her, the small pink
folds that lay between her legs, the barely visible blond hairs that
surrounded them.  I used both of my hands and began to softly touch
her pussy, spreading her lips apart, hearing the moist skin separate,
noticing how the deep pink grew paler, whiter.  The thumbs of my hands
began to run up and down her slit, one thumb sliding up to the hard
mound that lay near her stomach and the other sliding down, then
slipping in.  Faith stopped biting my cock, instead just letting her
jaw fall slack, her lips against my pelvis, her warm breath growing
heavier, wetter.  Her legs slid further apart and began to push up
against my thumb.  Drool dripped from her lips and slipped its way
down between my legs.  I stopped and pulled my thumb out.  Faith bit
into my cock again.  My thumb went back into her pussy.  She stopped
biting so harshly and began to force two of her fingers into my
already abused ass.  I pushed against her as she twisted and turned
her fingers into my ass, ripping it apart.  I slid my left hand over
her ass cheeks and down the crack of her ass.  There, above my right
hand, was the response to her molestation.  I figured if she could
violate my ass, I could violate hers as well.  I put my index finger
against her asshole and pushed in.  Faith stopped fingering my ass and
her head jumped off my cock as I forced my finger into her dry
asshole.  Faith kicked herself off me, tears in her eyes.  “Why
did you do that to me?  Did I tell you to do that to me?”  She
kicked my ribs.  I shook my head no as I folded over.  “Stand up
so I can punish you.”
	I stood up as she directed, but I was bound determined to not to be
abused by her anymore.  I got to my feet and faced her, my fists
balled at my sides, my eyes staring into hers.  I swung.  My fist
pushing its way into her stomach.  Faith fell to her knees.  I kicked
her in her ribs.  Faith fell over, crying.  I took her pink panties
from my mouth and shoved it down hers.  I slid her dress over her
neck.  Faith was sobbing but otherwise not moving.  She was wearing a
little pink bra that matched her panties and underneath was something
I wanted to see.  I pulled it up over her budding breasts and began to
pull on them, squeezing and twisting the nipples.  I fell on top of
her lowered my lips to her left breast and sucked on it.  I then moved
to her right and bit into it.  Faith didn’t fight; she just laid
there, eyes closed, trying to hold back her tears.  I moved down to
her legs and forced them apart.  With an open palm I hit her on her
pussy.  She forced her legs shut.  I lifted my eyes to hers and she
locked into mine.  Her sobs became louder as she slowly spread her
legs apart again.  My eyes never left hers as I hit her pussy again. 
She rolled her head, but left her legs open.  I began to fondle her
pussy furiously.  Pulling at her lips, ripping at the tiny blonde
hairs on her mound, pushing finger after finger into her tight hole. 
Faith balled, tears running down her reddened cheeks soaked the
carpeted floor below her.  I reached up and pulled the panties from
her mouth.  Faith forced out of her dry mouth,  “Stop, please,
stop, I’m sorry, please…”  I smiled and slithered my
way back down between her legs and I caught sight of that hardened
mound at the top of her pussy.  I pinched it.  Faith threw her hand
over her moth to quiet her scream.  I  leaned forward, opened my
mouth, and bit down.  She closed her legs around my head and balled up
around my head.  I slid from between her legs and laid on top of her. 
“Please, no more, sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ll do
anything if you promise to stop.”
	I felt it,  had it, I was the boy becoming the man I wanted to be.  I
stood up, pulled my pants up and looked down at her.  Faith put her
dress back on and cried.  “I’m going to hold you to that
promise Faith,” I spat, turned around and left.

	The next day I made Faith make good on her promise.  We were outside
playing at the playground.  She was with her girlfriends by the swing
set, I was lurking in the shadows at the edge of the playground,
hidden from view.  I mustered up what little courage I needed and
walked up behind Faith quietly, stalking my prey.  I reached out my
hand, gently touched her ass with my fingertips  until the palm of my
hand was on her round ass, then squeezed.  Faith didn’t turn
around, nor did she say a word.  I leaned up and whispered in her
hear, “You and one of your friends meet me at the edge of the
field in five minutes.”  I let go of her ass and walked away and
waited.  And waited.  She never showed.
	Later that day I watched Faith head for the bathroom.  Quietly I
snuck out the door and followed her.  She step down the hall, opened
the door, and walked in.  Without making a sound, I followed.  I
peered inside and saw that no one else was there.  I bent down and saw
her ankles below the stall furthest from the door.  I waked over and
waited for the lock to click.
	A flush of the toilet, then the zip of a pair of jeans, then the slow
turning of the knob, I pushed the door in, hitting Faith in the face. 
“What happened this afternoon?”
	“What the fuck are you talking about?”  Faith screeched
as her hand went to her face, rubbing the spot where the door hit her
in the forehead.
	“Telling you how to make good on your promise,” I
returned.  I pushed Faith back and shut the door behind me,  locking
it.  I punched her in the stomach.  Faith fell to the toilet seat
gasping for air.  “Stand up.” I said,  taking pity on the
older, yet weaker girl.
	“You didn’t think I really meant that did you”?
	I slapped her face.  “Think?”
	“It was a ploy to make you fucking stop,” Faith said as
she pushed me against the door of the stall.
	I slapped her again, then punched her.  This time she fell to the
floor.  I kicked her ribs.  I kicked her stomach.  Faith’s hands
reaching out on the floor as her mouth kissed the tile floor.  I bent
down and grabbed her hair in my hands and lifted her up.  Her hands
grabbed mine, supporting her as I lifted.  “I guess I’ll
have to do you again.”  I sighed as I pushed her against the
bathroom stall.  I grabbed one of her arms and bent it  behind her
back in a half nelson, lifting her on her toes.  Her other hand tired
to push against the wall,  trying to knock me off balance.  The more
she pushed the more I lifted her arm up, pushing her face against the
wall.  I let my other hand begin, first sliding under her shirt,
forcing her bra away from her developing breast, grabbing a nipple and
twisting.  Her mouth opened wide letting out a soft screech as her
nipple was turned over itself.  I let go and went to the other.  Again
she let out a soft cry, but bit the bottom of her lip to keep from
letting anything louder out.  I stuck out my tongue and licked the
tear that ran down her cheek.  I slid my hand down and unbuttoned her
jeans, pushed the zipper down and started clawing at her pussy.  I
wrapped her ear with my lips and held her lobe between my teeth, 
whispering, “Quiet!”  My fingers found her clit, that
wonderfully hard fold of skin that sent her wheeling yesterday and
pinched it.  I could hear the yell she fought off, I could see the
pink of her lips taking on a red hue.  I pushed her jeans and panties
down over her ass to her knees and then reached behind me.  My hands
came across the toilet paper holder and pulled the roll off.  I let
the tissue fall to the floor holding he bar in my hand.  I pushed it
against her asshole and began twisting it, turning it like a screw. 
Faith’s eyes were tightly shut, as well as her lips, fighting
back her tears and cries for help.  when my hand was pressed firmly
against her ass and the bar planted inside of it, I pulled her panties
up and lifted her jeans up, released my hold on her arm and let her
fall to the floor.  “Get on your knees and open your mouth
Faith.”  I watched as she awkwardly maneuvered her body to avoid
the pain of the bar, trying not to let it slide in any further,  and
get to her knees.  I unzipped my pants and pulled out my cock and
placed it against her lips and relieved myself into her mouth.  She
tried to get out of the way, ,but I grabbed hold of her hair and held
her face still as I urinated all over her face and neck, watching the
golden color spray against her lips and run down her chin, over her
neck, between her tits.  I finished and smiled, “Clean yourself
up and get that  thing from out of your ass.”
	Faith quit crying, she didn’t say anything, didn’t look
at me as she pulled her jeans and panties down and pushed the bar from
her ass.  When the tip had surfaced enough to grab it she pulled it
out then let it fall to the floor.  She pulled up her jeans then
looked at me, briefly, then let her eyes fall to my feet,
“I’m sorry,” she said as she waited for me to let
her out.  I walked out the door as she turned on the water to wash
away the urine.  Unfortunately for her, the smell wreaked from her
clothes the rest of the day.

	The following day Faith was again with her girlfriends at the
playground.  I stood back and watched her as she glanced from side to
side, her hair gently being pulled by a gentle breeze that also teased
her and her friends’ dresses.  She caught my eye and shook her
head and took a girls hand and the two of them walked to the far side
of the field, whispering to each other.  I followed.  Faith led her
behind a tree and the two of them waited, but continued to talk. 
“I’ll tell you in a minute,” I heard Faith say.
	“No tell me now, we’re not supposed to be here,
we’re going to get into trouble,”  the other girl whined.
	“Shut up!  There is something I want to show you.”  Faith
said nervously as she looked about, then saw me walking up to the
tree.  “Hold on, stay here,” Faith directed to the girl
and walked to me.  “So what do you want?”
	“I want you to do to her what you did to me while I
watch.”
	“What?  You’re kidding right? I’m not gay.”
	“I don’t care, if you want me to leave you alone,
you’ll do it.”
	“Fine then.”
	I then turned and walked into the woods and circled around.  I stood
behind a tree and watched.  The girl Faith had was about the same age
as her, blonde hair and blue eyes.  I watched as Faith walked up to
her and whispered in her ear as she crept in close, lifting the girls
dress up slowly, revealing her victim’s white legs.  Her friend
pushed her dress down then pushed Faith away and turn as if to run,
but Faith caught her and threw her to the ground, pinning her down,
her two arms above her head, being held with one of Faith’s
hands.  Faith again started to lift the girl’s dress up to her
stomach and the girl began to cry as she laid there, the white panties
the only thing covering her lower half up.  I watched as Faith pulled
the waistband up then pulled it down to the girl’s thighs where
Faith’s feet pushed them down  her legs, over her ankles, and
off of her feet.  The girl’s pussy was covered in thick light
brown hair and she cried when Faith spread  her apart.  She yelled
when Faith stuck her fingers into her pussy.  Faith bent down and
kissed her to keep her from yelling louder.  The girl began to fight
back, pushing this way and that, trying to knock Faith from her, but
Faith held tight. her fingers moving in and out of the girl’s
pussy, using two, then three,  adding the fourth, and pushing her
thumb in as well as the girl screamed in pain, her hands breaking free
from Faith’s hold, scratching the ground, trying to break push
herself away from Faith and Faith’s taping of her.  I
couldn’t help but notice how red Faith’s hands were, how
loudly the girl was screaming.  I looked up and saw teacher’s
walking towards us.  I slid away from view and waited.  I didn’t
see much, but the one thing I did see was the look on the
teacher’s faces when the say Faith’s fingers raping this
little blonde’s cunt, the blonde crying in pain and fear, Faith
smiling with her other hand up her dress, fingering her own cunt.

	That was the last time I saw her.  It didn’t matter.  She
didn’t matter.

-- 
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reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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