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Message-ID: <44343asstr$1063869005@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.xganon.com>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #031 - 17-Sep-2003
Date: Thu, 18 Sep 2003 03:10:05 -0400
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Where were the Dragons when the lights went out?

I want to thank Denny and Rui for helping out with the Reviews.
They make the reviews better than I could alone. They aren't
responsible for the lateness of this issue, though. That would
be my fault entirely (well mostly) but due to their hard
work and response today, they *are* responsible for you seeing
the reviews this soon. Thanks guys.

Ashes in Australia. Boxes in the woods. Poets in Ancient Greece.
Understanding males. Sex Interrupted. Desperately seeking sex.
Honeymoons on the Gulf. And Queens to become young again.

These are the things that concern us.

"They all want you
 to make love to
 It's a shame to play the game
 the way you've been lied to ..."
                          -- April Wine

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

 - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine 
alone. Also, big thanks to Rui, who always comes through with
the story links, even the obscure ones.

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If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run
the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system
for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that
tickles you.

Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm
Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/
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Story Summary:
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The Ashes: Sam's Revenge -- Alessia Gerini
    (FF, oral, anal, toys, rom)
    [6,9,8,8]

Boxes -- parthenogenesis
    (MF)
    [9,9,10,10]

Going Greek (Voyage One, The Time Machine) -- smilodon
    (SciFi, Humor, No Sex)
    [9,10,10,10]

Last Night -- Girl Friday 
    (MF cons oral)
    [9,10,9,10]

Gone Awry -- Heathen
    (MF/FF short)
    [8,10,7,7]

8 Hours -- Dryad 
    (F-Solo)
    [10,10,10,10]

Charlotte Harbor -- Jim Dogget
    (MF Rom)
    [8,10,10,9]

The Price and the Cost -- Uther Pendragon
    (M+f magic nc)
    [10,10,10,10]

Reviews:
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The Ashes: Sam's Revenge -- Alessia Gerini
    (FF, oral, anal, toys, rom)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43720

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/alessia/www/

When Tom asks Samantha to accompany him on a business trip to
Australia, Samantha's mind wanders to a previous interlude with
Alessia. Alessia lives in Perth, so Samantha quickly agrees to go,
and makes arrangements to spend some time with her long ago lover.
What she finds in Perth isn't quite what she expected, but she makes
do.

[ "Hello Tom," I said as I dropped my brief case on the desk and 
  removed my shoes and jacket, hanging {it} carefully over the back 
  of my comfy old leather lounge chair. ]

I assume that 'it' refers to the plural 'shoes and jacket' and not
'briefcase'? Since Alessia probably doesn't mean to hang shoes on
over the back of the chair, it might be better to completely
rephrase the sentence. Perhaps: "... removed my shoes and my jacket,
hanging ..." might read better though I would be tempted to try a
completely different sentence construction.

[ "You cooking! What's the story?"  I continued in a {humours} tone 
  as I entered the kitchen. Before he answered, I had spotted three 
  bottles of wine. From the colour of the bottles, they had to be 
  red. Good news I {deducted}. ]

'humourous'

Now, this use of 'deducted' is interesting. It isn't incorrect, I
don't think, but it can be confusing. The verb 'deduct' has multiple
meanings: 'Deduct' can mean to remove, or take away. It can also
mean to deduce, as in arrive at a conclusion by deduction. In this
case, I would tend to use 'deduced,' if only to remove potential
confusion.

This story kind of tears me. I liked it, but yet there were issues.
Alessia (the author) is writing about this sexy affair with another
woman. She mentions many side themes, but doesn't follow them
through. For instance, we get a taste of Samantha's misgivings about
'cheating' on her husband, and misleading him about her intentions
in Perth. Interesting internal conflict. In the end, she decides
that lust overpowers her need to be honest. That's fine, but
Samantha's feelings were never resolved in the story. Samantha is
torn in many ways. Alessia might get punished for even seeing
Samantha. Samantha has issues with her own lesbianism. Samantha also
has concerns about Alessia's submissiveness, Samantha's own dawning
dominance, sexual preference, and her overall understanding of the
BDSM angle.

While all these subplots are interesting, none are resolved for the
reader. The result is a story that kind of hangs. At least that's
the way I saw it.

On the other hand, I think the point of the story was to showcase
the lesbian sex for which Samantha had made all these decisions.
Now, I like lesbian sex scenes, and this one was handled nicely.
Personally, I think it was a little long, and perhaps too much
emphasis was placed on the sexual interlude, but I'm an unusual
Dragon. I think that most will enjoy the sexual description here.

I'd like to see more resolution on the important subplots, and a
little more character building for both Alessia and Samantha. The
technical aspects need some cleanup, but overall, the flow of the
piece and the details shown are nicely presented. Overall, it was a
sexy story, and I did like it.


Technical       :    6
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    8

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Boxes -- parthenogenesis
    (MF)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/parthenogenesis/www/other/boxes.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43718

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/parthenogenesis/www/

A hermit in the woods makes beautiful boxes. Small boxes. Medium
boxes. Large boxes. And then, each month or so, when his small
workshop fills with boxes, he takes the boxes into town where a nice
woman sells the boxes for him. And so, his idyllic life continues
uninterrupted until Jenny appears one day.

I can't give you too many more details without ruining the story for
you, as this is a unique story, written from a rather unique
perspective. I think parthenogenesis has captured the essence and
atmosphere of character and setting nearly perfectly. Even while the
scores below are not perfect tens, I wouldn't change a thing about
this story. It is told perfectly for the story that it is. In many
ways, it is utterly brilliant.

And to figure out what I mean, you'll have to read it.

I think it is going to be a small box day.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Going Greek (Voyage One, The Time Machine) -- smilodon
    (SciFi, Humor, No Sex)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/TimMach01.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43748

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/SM/wwwilodon/

Jonathon meets the mad Professor in a supermarket. You see, the
professor is looking for rheostats. Well, Jonathon doesn't have
anything better to do, so he accepts an apprentice position with the
old bird, and shows up promptly at 7AM to test the latest
incarnation of a time machine. Instead of ending up in Athens, our
heroes descend on Lesvos, and meet Sapphos the poet, but what they
discover is something neither of them expect.

Aside from the blasphemy (I mean ... Sapphos ... really, smilodon),
this is a wonderfully light tale, full of humour, and fun at the
expense of history. Did you have to desecrate Socrates, too?

(By the way, someone misspelled 'humour' in the story codes, too.)

[ If he hadn't looked like a Mad Professor I would probably have 
  just {dismissed as} some old fart living on his own. ]

I think this needed an object after 'dismissed'.

[ I remembered then why I always avoided the place like a {lazaretto}. ]

While I like the simile ... what the heck is a lazaretto? Teach me,
Obi Wan.

[ With nothing better to do I agreed. ]

This really is awkward without the comma between 'do' and 'I'.

Anyway, forget the technical analysis. The story is great, and
should be read. He's kidding about Sapphos, or he better be if he
knows what's good for him.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Last Night -- Girl Friday 
    (MF cons oral)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Girl_Friday/www/lastnight.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43816

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Girl_Friday/www/

Friday's husband is the squeamish sort. You see, Ms Friday writes
steamy stories, and every time she's had her husband read them, he
gets all shy and embarrassed. So, in pure frustration, she posts a
note to a bulletin board: "Why can't I understand males?" Who can? A
kindly Dragon (no ... not yours truly ... but most Dragons are kind
unless you piss them off) writes back a simple explanation which I
won't even try to repeat here. However, the bottom line involves
nudity (Friday's) and the conveyance of a certain cold beverage made
of hops and barley, preferably chilled. Friday is determined to find
out if the advice is sound.

[ Tonight had apparently been one of those nights. ]

Not that it is any big deal, but I believe that this represents a
split infinitive. It doesn't *really* bother me, but I did find the
sentence awkward because of it. Might read better:

"Apparently, tonight had been one of those nights."

On the other hand, some (you know who you are) aren't bothered by
split infinitives, and I can't even say that this instance bothers
me particularly. But I did notice it, and so I point it out.

[ "Hey, handsome. How was your day, or should say night?"  (It was
  10: 00 p.m.) ]

Might read better with a grammatical object after 'or'. The
parenthetical comment about the time, while it can no doubt be
justified, seems like an afterthought. If it's that important, it
might be better to incorporate it into the story proper, though I
think the dialogue makes the time fairly clear without the need to
be specific.

But these minor technical issues aside, the story is very well
written. Easy to read and follow.

Now, I have to admit to some bias here. Any story written by someone
named after Heinlein's character Friday can't be bad, can it? I
liked the easy tone, and the believability of the story. If I didn't
know any better, I would say that it very well might have occurred,
at least in part.

So, now, Ms Friday ... I think you owe Dragons bigtime. You aren't,
perchance, a virgin?

Nicely written.

Technical       :    9
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :   10

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Gone Awry -- Heathen
    (MF/FF short)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/44129

Author's Site:
{none available}

Jason is lounging at the local watering hole when Kimberley walks
in. She is beautiful -- blonde, sexy and dressed to kill. Being
quite a lady's man, Jason approaches her and buys her a drink. One
thing leads to another, and he ends up taking her home where they
have steamy sex. Well, they do until the bedroom door bursts open
...

[ "Let me get that for {you" he} said smiling his best smile. ]

Needs a comma after 'you' and before the quotes. There were a few
places that this cropped up. On the bright side, I noted that most
of the introductory adverbial phrases were nicely delineated by
commas. Overall, the story is well written, though it is short so
technical errors tend to make more of an impact.

I liked the story in some ways, and didn't in others. Heathen claims
that s/he was trying to write a flash piece that went awry. It is
still short, but not short enough to qualify for flash.

There is a nice plot and build up here -- I like that -- but I found
myself wanting more details here and there. It was almost as if this
story *needed* to be longer. For instance, we get a tantalising hint
that Jason is cheating on his current girlfriend. In fact, he comes
across as having what some might think was typical but really poor
male behaviour patterns. It almost cried out for discussion -- but
it was left dangling. Similarly, the plot ending came out of
nowhere. In some ways, I liked the surprise, in other ways it seemed
a little too convenient.

Ah well, overall, I liked the story. The sex was certainly steamy,
and the plot certainly was there. Just needed a bit of work on
language, presentation, and character, I think.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    7

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8 Hours -- Dryad 
    (F-Solo)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/hours.html
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/44191

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Dryad/www/

Upon her bed, our heroine is doing her best to stimulate herself.
She reads stories, and works two vibrators non-stop inside of
herself. She reads wilder stories, about bondage games, dogs, horses
- -- stuff that normally she wouldn't touch. She even turns on the
VCR, watching big-breasted women and huge penised men cavort
onscreen. But nothing works. Well, nothing works until she figures
out what she *really* needs.

[ "No," he paused. "What's that noise in the background? Are you
  shaving the dog?"

  "Mmmm" she answered noncommittally. "Can you come home early?" ]

Okay, this counts for one of the funniest lines I've seen in a
while. You have to read it in context, but ...

(Maybe a comma after: 'Mmmm,' Dryad.)

Anyway, Dryad has basically written a stroke story here (in more
ways than one). Usually, I don't like stroke stories ... as some of
you may know. But this one ... this one ... this one is what stroke
stories *should* be. Sexy. Very sexy. With still a hint of character
and plot. Perfect.

Thanks Dryad.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Charlotte Harbor -- Jim Dogget
    (MF Rom)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/jim_dogget/Charlotte%20Harbor.txt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43810

Author's Archive: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/jim_dogget/

Jim and Mary decide that it is time to take a vacation. The winter
has been long and hard, and the cruise adverts have arrived with the
seed catalogues. In due course, Jim and Mary find themselves alone
on a sailboat in the warm Gulf waters where they find time for a
second (or is this the first?) honeymoon of sorts.

[ "We have had some good times on boats, haven't we? Do you remember 
  Greece, and rafting up with the other boats, and going to the 
  restaurants on the beach? And that guy with travel agent on the 
  other boat that the kids were friendly with? ]

Okay, that last sentence ... I can't make any sense of it. I think
it's missing a word, but I can't even figure out what it should be.
Also, a closing quote would be nice.

I noticed a number of places that lacked closing punctuation,
especially when quotes were involved.

Overall, though, the story is well written. I specifically enjoyed
the attention to detail, and the airy descriptions in the text. I
felt like I really could see what Jim was writing about. It is
certainly the strength of this piece, though the characters came
across strongly as well. The sex was a little over-described, for
me, but I suspect most people will find it hot and arousing.

I think I want to go on a cruise.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :    9

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The Price and the Cost -- Uther Pendragon
    (M+f magic nc)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/story/cost.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/43763

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www

The queen, you see, is old and frail. Before her, stands a young
witch, one who I think I know personally. But I digress. Before her
stands a witch who explains that all magic has a price -- and a
cost. The price is known to be high. The question, of course, is
whether the cost will be equally high. But the queen desperately
wants to become young again at all costs, and so she submits to the
magic, never quite knowing if the cost would match the price.

This is a clever work, and I have to admit that I really, really
liked it. Very effective, from the descriptions to the characters to
the plot. This is a little different from what Uther normally
writes, but, at least as far as I'm concerned, this is certainly one
of Uther's best.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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