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Message-ID: <42653asstr$1053990607@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
From: Crimson Dragon <dcrimsonp@nym.alias.net>
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} {Reviews} Crimson Reviews - #027 - 26-May-2003
Date: Mon, 26 May 2003 19:10:07 -0400
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
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"Innocence. That's all you ever pleaded. 
 Innocence. And that's all you'll ever plead."
                                              -- Harlequin

I know. I know. It's been a while since the last reviews. I'm afraid
that even Dragons get busy once in a while, not to mention minor
e-mail hiccups. I know it's not an excuse, but the reviews are
probably going to be sporadic for the next while. I probably won't
do a Top Stories List this month either, if only because I haven't
been able to review enough stories to make it meaningful.

I hope everyone understands, and I'll get back to reviewing more
regularly when I can.

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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only 
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the 
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author 
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the 
wind.

 - Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Dragon/www
http://members.tripod.com/files/Authors/Dr/wwwagon_Of_Crimson

Review Archives:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Crimson_Reviews/www

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If you like the stories contained in these reviews, Rui helps run
the Clitorides, which is a "People's Choice"-type award system
for exceptional erotica. You might want to nominate any story that
tickles you.

Silver: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Clitorides/www/Silver_Clitorides.htm
Golden: http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Clitorides/
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Story Summary:
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Love Letters -- H. Jekyll
    (no story codes)
    [10,10,10,10]

Meeting the Need -- Wiseguy
    (MF rom cheat)
    [10,10,9,9]

Lottery Winner -- Elena
    (MF)
    [7,9,8,8]

Tess' Shower -- Phillip Harris
    (MF, mast)
    [8,10,8,9]

Youth House -- Uther Pendragon
    (mf voy 1st)
    [10,8,8,9]

Twin Desire -- Susan Proctor
    (FF, Lesbian)
    [7,9,4,9]

Bittersweet Revenge (Part 1) -- Secret (Cat)
    (MF, strangely romantic bondage, kidnap)
    [5,9,7,9]

Reviews:
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Love Letters -- H. Jekyll
    (no story codes)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/h_jekyll/love%20Letters.txt
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/42095

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/h_jekyll/

I'll admit, I've wanted to review a Jekyll story for a while, but I
was nervous. You see, Jekyll purposely doesn't use story codes, and
I'm not going to "supplement" his choice. But that means that I had
no idea what I was in for. Then, I read:

[ No story codes. This story contains a scene of fairly explicit,
  heterosexual coitus and some discussion, via email, of sex and 
  love and relationships. ]

Argh. Two topics, all in one phrase, that make me very nervous when
reading a story. "E-mail". The concept conjures up tacky cyber-sex
mixed in with second person drivel in a silly and
plotless/characterless attempt at titillation.

Did I mention that I *wanted* to review a H. Jekyll story?

And I'm glad I did, because my nervousness is completely unfounded.
Yes, there is e-mail exchanges, and yes there is sexual discussions
within, and yes the e-mails are necessarily written in second
person. But it doesn't matter. Read on.

You see, Jeff and Kate have recently separated after Kate finds Jeff
bonking some bimbo in their bed. As an act of courtesy, Kate offers,
via e-mail, for Jeff to have the opportunity to pick up his things
which may have been left at their former matrimonial home. But she
is angry, and he is angry. And it isn't until the e-mails continue
past the insults that we finally understand what happened between
them.

Communication. Always. Communication.

[ ... suspicious. {At the first voice she knew}. Everything ... ]

The marked sentence really does need a comma.

But overall, this story is exceptionally well written. This is the
way second person can be effective in a story. As readers, we don't
have to mold ourselves into a role forced upon us by an author.
Rather, we are merely witness to a story that is unfolding via a
third channel. Very effective.

This is a story about communication. About love. About
understanding.  And therein lies character, and plot, and
believability. The Eros is subtle, and not overdone.

Go read it. It isn't typical e-mail cyber-sex silliness.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :   10
Crimson         :   10

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Meeting the Need -- Wiseguy
    (MF rom cheat)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/meeting.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41950

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www

[ MF - { Consentual } adult sex between a man and woman ]

I used to misspell it, too. 'Consensual'.

Anyway, they arrive in Poughkeepsie separately, but take adjoining
rooms in a local hotel. Unhappy with her neglectful husband, she
arrives by car. Unhappy with his over-controlling wife, he arrives
by train. Each of them watch carefully for followers, taking every
possible precaution not to get caught. In the end, they make
happiness out of unhappiness.

This was an interesting story. I'm not usually a fan of cheating
stories, but this one approached the subject from a different angle.
Yes, the two were cheating, but it wasn't a prime focus of the
story. Instead, the story focuses on our two adulterers, their
illicit meeting and how they came to be there.

Personally, I liked it, but with a few reservations.

While I can accept that the two were unhappy in their marriage, I
think that describing the troubles at arms length made it a little
harder for me to relate to.  For all I know, Donnie (her husband)
was a stand up guy and she was neurotic. Same goes for his
controlling wife. I didn't *see* the troubles behind the marriages,
so it is tough for me to fully accept and believe that the adultery
here is justified. For me, that's an important aspect to identifying
with the characters. However, I suspect that most readers won't
mind. At least there is explanation.

Same goes for their method of introduction. (Cybersex).

Wiseguy also makes a *huge* deal out of their precautions on not
getting caught -- to the point of them being concerned about being
followed, to the point of our male protagonist setting up Winamp to
project his own snoring sounds in his hotel room to ward off
directional microphones. It bordered on paranoia. Now, I can
understand people being nervous, especially since this is a first
time adultery, but ...  I was expecting some James Bond reason, or
to find out that her husband was really don Corleone. While I liked
the suspense generated by all the elaborate ploys, I still wonder
why they were necessary. Seems like a bit of a plot hole to me.

Now, having said all that, the story is very clean. It is well
written, sexy, and entertaining. I particularly liked her champagne
trick, and Wiseguy's attention to the small details. I really liked
the characters -- both the male and female roles. Really, what more
can a Dragon ask for?

Technical       :   10
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    9
Crimson         :    9

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Lottery Winner -- Elena
    (MF)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/41918

Author's Other Works:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=thefabulouselena@yahoo.co.uk&index=email&submit=Search

Kathy has fallen in love with Sean, and when Sean asks her to marry
her only two months after meeting, she's taken a little aback. She
agrees, though, and after the wedding she does her best to please
him. But didn't he know about the money?

[ Her mum had given Kathy and her sister Leah all the love they could ever
  have wanted. ]

I think this would read better with a comma or two.

[ The air in her lungs felt so clean and   It was as if everything had 
  become as bright and as sharp as the sparkling, faceted gem that he 
  placed before her. ]

I'm not sure if Elena meant this as a compound sentence, or if it
lost a partial sentence somewhere in the drafting stage.

It is a fun little story, though I'm not quite sure what the
underlying messages were. I liked the characters, and the story was
good, but the underlying message was either: money makes us all a
little corrupt, or that money makes it easier for a woman to have
sex if she so desires. I just felt either were odd messages, and the
story didn't quite support either one. I didn't fully understand why
Kathy was doing as she was -- unless it was unbridled lust -- and
that's okay, but her character in other things simply didn't support
the storyline. Bottom line is that Kathy's character isn't entirely
consistent, and that was confusing for me.

Anyway, it was a fun story with interesting sex and certainly an
interesting premise.

Technical       :    7
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    8

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Tess' Shower -- Phillip Harris
    (MF, mast)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/pharris/www/tess_shower.htm
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/42239

Author's Site:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/pharris/www/

Tess is bored with studying, and she deserves a little relaxation.
Not wanting to masturbate with her roommate in the room, she heads
to the co-ed showers. There, she fantasises about being gang-raped,
and brings herself to a well-deserved climax under the spray.  When
she emerges from the shower, George is brushing his teeth.  She
figures it's time to flirt.

[ banter echoed among the bathroom tiles.  Who {where} they,
  she wondered?  The echoes distorted their voices too much,
  making them strangers to her.  How many of them {where}
  there? ]

I think Phillip might have meant 'were' not 'where'.

While this is basically a stroke story with the only goal a lovely
co-ed's sexual gratification, I liked it for some reason. There is a
certain situational flair to the story -- a naked college girl, a
co-ed shower at night, George, the dorky corner room guy. I guess I
liked that none of the characters, not even Tess, was completely
sure of themselves.  It gave the story some character and a note of
realism.  I could imagine that it might actually happen.

Technical       :    8
Eros            :   10
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    9

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Youth House -- Uther Pendragon
    (mf voy 1st)

Story:
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/story/youth.htm

Author's Site: 
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Uther_Pendragon/www/

It is the eve of Kawa's ascension from being a girl to being a
woman.  At least by some measurements. When she reaches puberty, she
is permitted entrance to the mysterious youth house. Inside, the
youths of the village gather to dance around the fire, to drink
stolen palm liquor, and to pair off together. To Kawa, this is a new
and strange experience that intrigues but frightens her. However,
the gentle boys are there to help her understand.

This is a story of first sexual awakening, and a well done story at
that. For me, I found myself skipping over sexual description, but I
suspect that most will enjoy the attention to detail that Uther
provides. After all, the story *is* about sexual awakening.  I
wanted to see more character development beyond her discovering her
sexuality, but that's probably just me being a Dragon.

I loved the settings and the rituals, combined with her trepidation,
it makes a wonderful descriptive journey.

Technical       :   10
Eros            :    8
Character/Plot  :    8
Crimson         :    9

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Twin Desire -- Susan Proctor
    (FF, Lesbian)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/42249

Author's Site:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=susan_proctor@lycos.com&index=email&submit=Search

When our narrator drops in to visit her twin sister, she lets
herself in, expecting to wait for Cindy, who should still be at
work. Well, imagine her surprise when she finds a beautiful, nude
redhead watching lesbian porn and masturbating in front of Cindy's
television. Voyeurism takes hold, and a low moan from our narrator
alerts the redhead to her observer. Busted. But then, the naked
redhead mistakes our narrator for Cindy, (they are twins, don't
forget). Our narrator briefly contemplates coming clean, but in the
end, she cums clean in a completely different way.

[ ... that was fanned out over her shoulders and back. She was
  completely nude and her breasts were big and firm. ]

And then ...

[ ... pussy. I dropped to my knees and placed my hands on her tights. ]

Hmmmm. Maybe I read this wrong ... or I'm misunderstanding ... but
wasn't she "completely nude" a moment ago? Where did the tights come
from?

Overall, this story doesn't really make too much attempt at plot, or
character. It's all about the sex, and honestly, it's pretty hot
sex. Mistaken identity. Lesbian porn. Perhaps a little over
described, but ... then again ... that's the point of stroke, right?

In a strange way, I liked it. There could have been more to it, but
stroke was what Susan intended, and it works. Maybe I just have a
thing for twins.

Technical       :    7
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    4
Crimson         :    9

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Bittersweet Revenge (Part 1) -- Secret (Cat)
    (MF, strangely romantic bondage, kidnap)

Story:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2003/42542

Author's Site:
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=secretkeeper3@comcast.net&index=email&submit=Search

Tia finds herself in a bit of trouble. For a week, she's been
gagged, tied to a hard kitchen chair, and basically kept prisoner by
a masked, crazy, dangerous man. When he finally releases her from
the chair, a ghost from the past, a man she has grievously wronged
confronts her, demanding penance.

Normally, I don't review multi-part stories, and given the themes of
the story, in combination, generally it wouldn't find itself here.
But being a Dragon who doesn't like to waste, I decided to review it
anyway -- so, more for the multi-part issues -- take the scores with
a grain of salt. The story is not complete.

Cat has created some rather interesting characters here. Tia is
wonderfully complex, and seems (at least so far) to be reacting
bravely and somewhat realistically to her captivity. Her captor,
while I still don't quite have a handle on his moody character, is
also interesting in his own way. While I fear that the story will
degenerate into an unlikely sex fest/captive-finds-unbridled-lust-
for-her-captor type story, the first part that I've reviewed here
does hold some promise if Cat can manage to continue in realistic
ways.

Technically, there is a lot of room for improvement ranging from
sentence structure to badly misspelled passages ('surprising' isn't
spelled 'sirprising'). I also noticed a couple of consistency
issues. How did the light appear that got her into trouble, assuming
that Tia didn't escape? If she is only allowed to wear a flimsy
nightie, doesn't that preclude panties that appear in the next
scene? But for the most part, the story is readable, and the plot
(so far) and characters are interesting enough to offset the
technical issues.

"Bittersweet Revenge" does hold a great deal of promise. The
characters have the potential to create a very entertaining story,
if they are allowed to. Best of luck with this, Cat.

Technical       :    5
Eros            :    9
Character/Plot  :    7
Crimson         :    9

Editorial Note:
    Secret/Cat (whatever) didn't code this story, and isn't required
    to. I think the codes might have been useful in this case, and
    the codes above are intended to help in story selection, but
    were generated by a half-asleep Dragon, not the author of the story.

Editorial Note (II):
    There is no indication that this forms the initial chapter in a
    multi-part story, except as one reaches the end of the post.
    Be warned, if you are expecting a completed story.
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-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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