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Message-ID: <42579asstr$1053598207@assm.asstr-mirror.org>
NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 17:39:20 -0500
From: Rachael Ross <rache18us@yahoo.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Losing -  A True Story (rache18us@yahoo.com) f/f, first, reluctant, sad
Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 06:10:07 -0400
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Disclaimer: The truth for a change. Not for minors. Sorry it's so
short, but I couldn't handle trying to make it into something it
isn't. From an old journal, cleaned up a little. But not much. 

Origianlly written in Minnesota 1998 - Edited 2003

Losing

When I was 16 I spent a lot of time with a girl named Beth. She'd been
my best friend since 6th grade and I thought there was nothing we
didn't know about each other. Boy, was I wrong!

I was a skinny, brown haired, cheerleader at that time. I lettered in
swimming and diving and had a great boyfriendwho (I thought) I was in
love with. Beth was the same age, a little shorter at 5'1" and weighed
all of 90lbs. She had blonde hair in a shag cut and she really was a
total hottie! And we shared everything! Whatever one of us had or knew
was immediately offered to the other. She was the sister I never had,
a twin sister at that!

Of course we'd always talked about sex. Everything from first periods
to first dates. And beyond that there was no subject I could imagine
us not being able to discuss. And so it was when we were both 16 and
spending the night in the loft of her father's barn that a new subject
came up. We often slept out there in the warm summers. Being near the
horses, laying in the soft itch of old straw. On woolen blankets which
smelled of years hanging in the drafty rafters. I loved it, it was our
secret place where we could be alone and talk about whatever we wanted
without fear of being overheard or disturbed.

The single electric bulb up in the loft was unscrewed just enough to
keep it dark. Moonlight filtered in through the half open bay door and
we could hear the horses quietly moving in their stalls below. I was
in a T-shirt and old jeans, smooth and faded and hugging my 16 year
old curves. I had one leg over my knee and I was squinting as I picked
at a toenail with a long, thin piece of straw. Beth was laying next to
me, in a loose halter top and cutoff shorts. It was dark up there, but
not so dark we couldn't see each other. I looked at Beth and saw her
green eyes in the moonlight like a deer when they're sometimes caught
in headlights.

She had just asked me if I ever touched myself. Privately, in my
secret place. We'd kinda gone around the subject of masturbation
before. We both knew everyone did it, but it's still embarassing to
imagine that everyone else knows you do it! Anyway, I stopped picking
at my foot and looked at her. "Hmmm...What?" I asked, pretending I
hadn't heard. I wanted to see if she'd repeat it.

"I asked if...You know...Do you rub yourself?" Beth asked again, in a
low almost stage whisper. It would have been funny if she hadn't
looked so serious! But then, I was always the one with the quick wit.

"You mean masturbate?" I asked in the most clinical voice I could
imagine. But I couldn't hold it and I laughed. "Sure, what do you
think? It feels good!"

I went back to my foot, still acting like she was an airhead for even
asking. Leave it to the blondes! laugh...I always teased her about
being blonde. A couple of times we'd actually gotten into arguments
over hair color! Never something serious, just our hair. We were two
of a kind and now she wanted to talk about jerking off!

"Lisaaaa..." she dragged out my name like a whine. "You know what I
mean...When you do it, I mean, how do you do it?"

Now I was paying attention. "What? You mean you've never done it?" I
must have been too loud because she immediately shushed me, telling me
to be quiet! Beth went on to tell me she had tried it a bunch of
times, but it never felt really good. Not like she heard it was
supposed to. We talked for quite awhile about how things should feel
and don't, how everyone is different, blah blah...In the end she
finally convinced me to finger myself while she watched. I'm still not
surre, thinking back on it, that I didn't let her talk me into it a
bit too quickly...As though I wanted to do it. At the time I was
suddenly very shy in front of my friend.

We'd seen each other naked hundreds of times! We'd touched each other
just about every where you can imagine at one time or another, but
this was different. I peeled off my pants, leaving my shirt and
panties on. Beth took off everything, to make me feel comfortable she
told me. As if having another girl, even my best friend, naked next to
me while I did the most secret thing in my young life was going to
help me relax!!

I ended up closing my eyes,  as I usually did anyway, and started
rubbing my pussy in small, soft circles through my underwear. I knew
Beth was watching me and I'd deliberately avoided looking at her nude
body. I was having a hard time relaxing, my pussy is usually really
quick to juice up, but this time I was staying dry. I didn't want Beth
to feel bad though, so I kinda pretended like I was getting excited. I
was only 16 and I was having my first fake orgasm!! laugh...Pathetic!

I didn't overdo it at least. And actually as I started to breath like
I was getting excited and moving my hips ever so slightly against my
fingers, I really did start to relax! I almost forgot Beth was there,
I could feel my pussy responding to my fingers and I let my mind
wander to thoughts of guys at school and teen idols and everything
else a teenage girl finds thrilling. I pulled my panties down and
started rubbing my cunt like I usually did when I was alone. I worked
a finger in and out of my pussy and pushed my thumb lightly against my
clit. I was getting there, totally oblivious to everything until I
noticed Beth had moved quietly closer.

She was laying next to me, almost touching my thighs with her face
just a few inches from my wet pussy. I didn't know what she was doing,
only that I couldn't stop!! I was so close! I was going to cum any
moment. I remember it like I was frozen in time when I felt Beth's
hand on mine. Her fingers between mine, rubbing my aching pussy! It
surprised me so much I came immediately! The best cum I'd had ever up
to that point in my life! All I could do was fall back and press our
fingers against the center of my pleasure. I wasn't even aware of
Beth's fingers being distinct from my own.

I was still cumming when Beth leaned over me, placing her warm wet
mouth over mine and kissed me like no one ever had before. None of the
boys I'd ever kissed had done it like her. Her tongue pushed past my
lips as I gasped for air and I responded, sucking on her tongue and
drinking her sweet breath. She was still rubbing my pussy, pushing a
finger aside my own, into my slick pussy. I felt her small, hard
nipples against my bare skin. Her breasts, larger than mine, pressed
against my bare arm. How long we kissed like that I don't know. I
honestly can't say. When Beth finally pulled her fingers from my pussy
and looked at me, I was scared to see her. I looked away when she put
her fingers in her mouth, licking them and tasting me.

I was frightened and confused and I sat there, trying to cover myself
up while Beth tried to talk to me like she was my boyfriend or
something. She told me how beautiful I was and how much she liked
being with me. She told me how she'd always loved me, always thought
of me as more than just a friend. Beth told me it was okay to be
scared, but she knew I would feel the same way about her. That we were
meant for each other. Part of me believed her. Part of me wanted to
believe her so badly. She was like a sister to me and part of me felt
betrayed too. I didn't love her that way. I never told her I did. I
never pretended I did. I got angry with her for doing this to me.
Angry with me for feeling this way. Everything was wrong. Looking back
I know the signs were there, for far longer than I'd ever imagined.

But that night, in the loft, I couldn't give her what she needed from
me. She tried to hug me, maybe it was the same hug we had always
shared...Maybe it was a new kind of hug, a dangerous hug. I rejected
it, shrugged it off and got dressed in silence. We were still friends
after that, but we were never best friends again. And I still cry when
the moon is full and I think I smell straw and old woolen blankets in
the dark.

end

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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