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From: SilverNominees@aol.com
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2002, January
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2003 23:10:05 -0400
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Author: Moderated by Gary Jordan
Title: The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2002, January
Part: 1 of 2002
Universe: The Silver Clitorides Awards
Summary: The Silver Clitorides Awards are a monthly adjunct to the
Golden Clitorides Awards. Their object is to promote good stories
and good authors.
Keywords: Stories, Links, Awards
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The January 2002 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation:
Up on the stage is an enormous mostly-white flag, with the
silhouette of a nude woman on the left and the stylized letters
"ASSTR" vertically rising up the left border. The flag forms a
background to the stage.
An impressively uniformed figure strides from the right wings to
center stage. When the individual reaches center stage and
pivots on a heal to snap to attention facing the audience with a
WHACK from heels brought togther, the camera starts a slow pan.
From the mirror-shiny black boots, past the chocolate colored
razor-sharp creased pants, the patent leather belt, the camera
switches to the silvery helmet bearing four lime-green stars, to
the shoulder boards bearing the same stars. Next the camera pans
the rows of ribbons
Other recipients easily recognize many of the ribbons - the
crimson ribbon with gold circled "C", indicating the bearer is a
veteran of at least one C*pyr*ght Flamewar; purple field with
chalice, a Religious flamewar; Tan and White-striped ribbon for
Dulcinea Memorial Campaign; other ribbons which may or may not
have any significance but sure look purty.
"Be seated.
"Some people," he begins in a gravelly voice reminiscent of
George C. Scott only if your ears are full of cotton, "have
suggested that you win Silver Clitorides Awards by Sweating Blood
for your readers. Bullshit! You win Silver Clitorides Awards By
making the other authors Sweat Blood for their Readers!"
To emphasize this point, he slaps his riding crop into his left
glove. Only the first row notice the wince.
In the wings, his Muse's Sockpuppet whispers to his Muse, "I hope
he manages to get across that he thinks a little competition is
healthy and improves everyone's writing, because that 'Patton'
speach he's parodying is full of negative crap about hating
losers."
The Muse nods. "You know how he gets. Some e-mail about the
July Awards Presentation sent him scurrying to a uniform rental
place. He wanted to polish the Silver Clitorides Awards' image."
"Did you watch the movie?"
Muse nods. "This speech is the antithesis of the one that opens
that movie. That one praised Americans and their bellicose
nature. This one praises writers of all nationalities and
genders and preferences, and makes a big deal about..."
"...pen is mightier than the sword," Gary thunders on stage.
Sockpuppet groans, "Couldn't you get him to use something less
trite?"
"Shhhh," she hushed. "It is a parody; it's supposed to have
well-worn sayings in it. Now hush, he's about to announce the
winners."
"..and that's why it gives me such pleasure to announce our first
three-way tie." The riding crop smacks smartly against his leg.
Not all the sweat on Gary's forehead is from the bright
stagelights.
"The winners of the Silver Clitorides Awards for the best story
of the month of January, 2002 are: Topped by Katherine T,
Empirical Research by Wiseguy, and as falls cuyahoga so falls
cuyahoga falls by Nicholas Urfe.
"Congratulations!
"Atten-HUT!
"Dis-MISSED!"
The January 2002 Silver Clitorides Awards Winners:
Topped http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/topped.txt
by Katherine T http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/
Empirical Research http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/research.htm
by Wiseguy http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www
as falls cuyahoga so falls cuyahoga falls
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/nickurfe/www/fripperies/cuyahoga/index.html
by Nicholas Urfe http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/nickurfe/www/
+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+
The January 2002 Silver Clitorides Awards FINALISTS:
Topped http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/topped.txt
by Katherine T http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/
The Healer http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34558
by Sven The Elder http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/sven_the_elder/www/
Empirical Research http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/research.htm
by Wiseguy http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www
as falls cuyahoga so falls cuyahoga falls
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/nickurfe/www/fripperies/cuyahoga/index.html
by Nicholas Urfe http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/nickurfe/www/
Victim/Victorian http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/vinnie_tesla/www/vict.html
by Vinnie Tesla http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/vinnie_tesla/www/
Milagritos http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34855
by celia batau
Back home http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/BackHome.htm
by Harriet http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/
The Seduction of Simone
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/SeductionofSimone.htm
by Harriet http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/
+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+
The January 2002 Silver Clitorides Awards Nominees:
Topped http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/topped.txt
by Katherine T http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/
Subway series #3: My Eyes Adored You http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34438
by theGreatxIam http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/theGreatxIam/www/
The Accidental Sappho http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34475
by the lizard king
The Healer http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34558
by Sven The Elder http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/sven_the_elder/www/
Empirical Research http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/research.htm
by Wiseguy http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www
In His Pants http://www.cleansheets.com/fiction/taylor_01.02.02.shtml
by Lana Taylor http://www.cleansheets.com/
meredith http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/meredith.txt
by Katherine T http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Katherine_T/
Stepsister http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34811
by H. Jekyll
as falls cuyahoga so falls cuyahoga falls
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/nickurfe/www/fripperies/cuyahoga/index.html
by Nicholas Urfe http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/nickurfe/www/
Carmen Learns the Subway http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34784
by Master Z
Victim/Victorian http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/vinnie_tesla/www/vict.html
by Vinnie Tesla http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/vinnie_tesla/www/
Silver Surfer #2- Crying Out Loud
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/theGreatxIam/www/surf2.html
by theGreatxIam http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/theGreatxIam/www/
Milagritos http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2002/34855
by celia batau
Back home http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/BackHome.htm
by Harriet http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/
The Office http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/TheOffice.htm
by Harriet http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/
The Seduction of Simone
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/SeductionofSimone.htm
by Harriet http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/harrietsplace/www/
Adele
by Connie Lee http://www.storiesonline.net/
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