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From: SilverNominees@aol.com
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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2001, December
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2003 23:10:02 -0400
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Author: Moderated by Gary Jordan
Title: The Silver Clitorides Awards, 2001, December
Part: 12 of 2001
Universe: The Silver Clitorides Awards
Summary: The Silver Clitorides Awards are a monthly adjunct to the
Golden Clitorides Awards. Their object is to promote good stories
and good authors.
Keywords: Stories, Links, Awards
+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+
The December 2001 Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation:
A haze slowly coalesces into what appears to be a jeep with a
locomotive body connected to a chain of carts with seats and a
surrey top. Painted on the "engine" are the words "Conch Train".
A flag rising from the back of the jeep proudly proclaims the
Conch Republic. All the seats on the "train" are filled with
confused people.
"Hi, I'm Gary Jordan and I'd like to welcome you Ladies,
Gentlemen, and Others, to the Conch Train, Key West, Florida's 90
minute tour of the sights of Key West, and for today only, host
of the December Silver Clitorides Awards Presentation. Many of
you already know the driver -er, engineer, Louis the Leprechaun,
but for those who don't, I've provided links at the bottom of the
presentation for your enjoyment.
"If you look to the passengers seated around you, you might be
startled to recognize them from Father Ignatius' ASSDer's Mental
Images Page. That's why I'm wearing this silly 'crackerjack'
sailor suit, for example, and looking so much younger than my
AARP Card would imply.
"If you don't recognize the person next to you, chances are
you're surrounded by fans and readers. Be polite; one of them
might be yours. And if you look very carefully at someone you
have met or exchanged pictures with, you'll find them dissolving
into the correct image, at short range."
Gary reaches into a briefcase and removes a trophy and a framed
certificate. "Before we start the tour, I've a little old
business to conduct. When I was receiving votes for the December
Awards, there were so many that I decided to create
subdirectories by story name and save the e-mails voting for that
story to that subdirectory. Then I could just count the e-mails
instead of re-opening and re-reading each one."
The young sailor's cheeks gradually become more ruddy. "I
decided to extend the scheme to the previous months as well.
When I finished, I found that there was a teensy-weensy clerical
error. Without further ado, the Co-winner of the November Silver
Clitorides Award is Haunted by Jordan Shelbourne. Jordan, when
we stop at Sloppy Joe's bar, let me buy you a beverage of your
choice by way of apology."
Muttering something about "hands on Volkswagons," the Leprechaun
jams the transmission of the Conch Train's "engine" into gear,
causing a lurch to travel to each successive car in the "train"
in turn, and Gary hastily continues, "We're starting the tour
now, so please keep your arms and legs and other protuberances
inside the cars at all times.
"Since this is a magical train, we don't need to follow the
normal tour path. We can skip some of the lesser sights and go
straight to some of the more popular points. So let's see a show
of hands. Who wants to see the Key West Aquarium?" A couple of
hands. "The Turtle Kraals?" One extremely enthusiastic leg is
raised and waving. "Sorry, Kenny, maybe later. The Hemingway
House?" A definite majority of hands, wings, and other things
rises. "Louis, if you please?"
The Conch Train lurches forward somewhat less than smoothly as a
fog envelopes the coaches. "Since this is a magical train, we
aren't constrained by matters of time or space; when we arrive,
Papa will be inside working on one of his stories." Gary
observes a number of eyes lighting up, some lips being licked,
and at least one pair of panties being discarded. He rolls his
eyes and reconsiders mentioning the old Cuban Bordello.
After 85 minutes of what is supposed to be a 90 minute tour, Gary
rounds up the last of the wayward writers and instructs Louis to
get them to Sloppy Joe's. The bar was prominently displayed in
an old movie, "Beneath the 12-mile Reef". The conch train
arrives after filming those scenes, but before the actors have
left the island. Inside, Robert Wagner, Terry Moore, Gilbert
Roland, Richard Boone, Peter Graves and J. Carrol Naish are
rubbing elbows with some of the local wreckers and shrimpers.
"Before everyone gets too drunk to remember, I'd like to announce
the winners of the December Silver Clitorides Awards," Gary
hollers. The plural starts a general murmur, broken by Richard
Boone yelling, "Silver Clit-rides? What kind of pussy award is
that?"
Two trophies and two framed certificates in hand, Gary announces,
"And the winners are...
"Monsters by Alexis Siefert and Twelve Nights by Wiseguy!"
Gary shakes Wiseguy's hand and kisses Alexis' cheek as they take
their awards. The authors are swept away in a crowd of
congratulatory handshakes, kisses, pinches, backslaps and
buttslaps. Gary searches out Jordan Shelbourne for that
conciliatory drink, as the bar fades into haze...
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MariaGonzales/www/fantasy/passengers.html
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MariaGonzales/www/fantasy/intro.html
http://www.conchtourtrain.com/FrontPage.htm
http://www.conchtourtrain.com/Images/map%20(Large).jpg
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/FatherIgnatius/www/Images.html
The December 2001 Silver Clitorides Awards Winners
Monsters http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/AS_Monsters.htm
by Alexis Siefert http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/
Twelve Nights http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/12nights.htm
by Wiseguy http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/
+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+
The December 2001 Silver Clitorides Awards FINALISTS:
Playing the Game http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ReverendCottonMather/www/playing.htm
by Reverend Cotton Mather http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ReverendCottonMather/www/
James http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MikeC/JAMES/
by Mike C http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MikeC/
Monsters http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/AS_Monsters.htm
by Alexis Siefert http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/
MiLady and the Dragon Book 16, Choices
http://u2.lvcablemodem.com/flame/eros/storyindex.html
by Krystelflame http://homepages.skylink.net/~fancy/
The Thigh vs Thigh Series http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/www/shon.html
by Shon Richards http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/www/
Twelve Nights http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/12nights.htm
by Wiseguy http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/
The Case of the Picky Customer: A Lady Sally Story
http://home.att.net/files/Authors/db_story/www/ThePickyCustomer.html
by DB_Story http://DB_Story.home.att.net
+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+----+
The December 2001 Silver Clitorides Awards Nominees:
Jost Van Dyke: A Jim and Mary Story http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/33858
by Jim Dogget
Subway series #2: Thanks for the Memories
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/33841
by theGreatxIam http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/theGreatxIam/www/
The Thigh vs Thigh Series http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/www/shon.html
by Shon Richards http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/www/
Playing the Game http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ReverendCottonMather/www/playing.htm
by Reverend Cotton Mather http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ReverendCottonMather/www/
James http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MikeC/JAMES/
by Mike C http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MikeC/
The Smell of Sex http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Couture/
by Couture http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Couture/www/
The Case of the Picky Customer: A Lady Sally Story
http://home.att.net/files/Authors/db_story/www/ThePickyCustomer.html
by DB_Story http://DB_Story.home.att.net
Who On This Newsgroup I'd Like to Fuck
http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&selm=9v9f04024j7%40enews2.newsguy.com
by Poison Ivan http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/poisoniv1/www/
Story Set On a Boat
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/meme_misspelt/www/stories/story_set_on_a_boat.html
by Meme Misspelt http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/meme_misspelt/www/
Silver Surfer #1: Wisdom http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/theGreatxIam/www/surf1.html
by theGreatxIam http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/theGreatxIam/www/
Monsters http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/AS_Monsters.htm
by Alexis Siefert http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Alexis_S/www/
Mel Gibson's Love Child http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/33912
by Mat Twassel http://members.aol.com/mmtwassel/
The Overzealous Narrator: A sex story with no sex in it
http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&
selm=3c1f5d3e.7280508%40news.speakeasy.net
by Vinnie Tesla http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/vinnie_tesla/www/
Behind the Scenes of Raping Michael http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/34300
by februarywife@hotmail.com
My Life ... Starring - Me http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/34174
by Kari Gold
Twelve Nights http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/12nights.htm
by Wiseguy http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/34358
Babysitter Brad (my first dirty story written when I was young)
by Kari Gold (karigold_sky@hotmail.com)
MiLady and the Dragon Book 16, Choices
http://u2.lvcablemodem.com/flame/eros/storyindex.html
by Krystelflame http://homepages.skylink.net/~fancy/
The Lottery http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Darkvision/
by DarkVision http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Darkvision/
Minivan http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/34307
by "J"
Louise's New House
http://assm1.asstr-mirror.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=louise+new+house&
index=subject&submit=Search
by Jeansweb_uk
More than a Tree
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/Nicetreefinal.txt
by Shon Richards http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ShonRichards/www/
Time and Distance (Star Trek; VOY; F/F) http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2001/33854
by Cait N. http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/CaitN/www/
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