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From: Dryad <gbbjg@yahoo.com>
X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2003 16:26:58 -0800 (PST)
Subject: {ASSM} "Afraid" By Dryad
Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 07:10:06 -0500
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<1st attachment, "afraid.txt" begin>
I don't give a rat's ass where you stand in this war; it's here,
and I'll be damned if I'm not going to support our troops. That
being said; This is a work of adult fiction; if you have to sneak
in to see a NC-17 movie, get your sorry butt outta here.
Otherwise, enjoy, copyright is mine,(which simply means ask
first) and mail me any comments/concerns good or bad.
*****************************************************************
****
Afraid By Dryad
I was walking into Mr. Allan's class when Gary spoke to me.
"I signed up."
"Signed up for what?" For a sport? For a class? What?
"The Marine recruiter is down in the guidance office." The
Marines? Was he crazy? I looked into his face. Purpose and
excitement.
"What about College?" I guess I was saying what about me. He
thought it was a fucking game! Go play soldier. Didn't he realize
people DIED?
Died. Then I got scared. I mean, we'd been going out for 2 years
now, ever since he moved into town.
"You know I gotta go. College will be here when I come back." He
kissed me. The bell rang, and we took our seats. English class
flew by; I didn't hear a word. I sat next to him, covertly
watching him.
After English, we went down to study hall. The junior/senior
study hall was open, and ever since the war began, they'd put the
large screen TV in there, so we could watch CNN. We sat close to
it, watching the night-vision commentaries; him in anticipation,
me in dread. I held his hand, as if I could keep him here with
me.
I took a deep breath. All the "experts" seem to say it won't last
long. So I began to do something stupid. I started to pray. Pray
to God, pray to fate, hell, pray to any greater being who'd
listen. Make it end. Make it end before graduation. I gripped
his hand tighter. He looked at me, questioningly. I couldn't
answer. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm
around me. I willed myself not to cry.
Fuck. I hate being selfish. Here I am worried about me, how it
will affect me and my plans.
"Why?" I finally managed to whisper.
He squeezed me tighter, "Aw, honey, it's not about you, it's
about what's right."
He was the one who was going. Willing to stand up to the bullies
of the world; hell, whip their ass. I squeezed him tightly to
me. The teacher walked up to us, make us split up, I'm sure.
Then he did something strange.
"Gary, you were in the guidance office this morning, weren't
you?"
"Yep."
"You're going?"
He nodded shyly. Gary was always cute that way; one of the things
I loved about him was his modesty. Like he never realized what a
great guy he was.
Instead of making us sit apart, he just smiled this weird adult
smile and walked away. I swear, I nearly lost it. I felt Gary
kiss the top of my head, his arm holding me tighter to him. We
sat and watched the news repeat the same news bytes over and over
until the end of study hall. That night he came over after he got
home from work. He asked my parents if it was all right if we
went out for a drive, since it was a school night. My parents of
course, loved him. My dad just nodded when I told him that Gary'd
enlisted. He seemed to expect it. Maybe its some sort of guy
thing that I just can't understand.
While he was at work, I poured my anger into my diary. My hurt,
my fear. Because as I started thinking about it, I realized what
it was.
I was afraid. Afraid how this would change him, change US. I
knew change was coming, I mean, we're leaving school; but I never
considered that we'd be apart. War is so REAL. What would I do
if he died? I can't act the widow; we aren't married. All I heard
in my head was "just a girlfriend" Just. Jesus. He could have at
least talked to me about it!
But he couldn't. I tried to be logical about this. It's his life.
Hell, in some ways, he thinks it's a responsibility. And damn it,
I hated to say it.
It is.
Then I got really proud of him. HE didn't need to be called; he
enlisted of his own free will. He knew what's at stake. And
part of me--the part that isn't selfish-- loved him even more.
I'll try to be a bigger person. I quashed down that selfish part,
told it to shut the hell up, that it doesn't know what it's
talking about.
So when he asked my parents if we could go for a drive, I knew
what he was asking me. My parents, said yes, though they never
had before. We drove around for a bit, just quietly talking
about whatever, but avoiding the real topic. We made it to one
of our make out places. Yes, we had a few. He turned off the car,
and we climbed into the back. For a while, he just held me,
kissing me softly. I sat in his lap, curling up against him. My
fingers traced his face and I could feel his smooth skin. I
sighed into the kiss.
I leaned into his body, wanting him closer to me. In my head I
was already counting down the time to when he'd be shipped off to
San Diego for basic. Three months, more or less. Five months
until he'd be shipped overseas. I sighed again, holding him close
to me. His hands moved to my waist, sliding beneath my shirt and
skimming my chest to my breasts. I shifted in his lap, and
straddled him, as his hands shed me of my shirt, momentarily
breaking our kiss. His lips returned, but to my breasts, rather
than to my mouth. My back arched as I moaned in response. His
mouth was hungry, and I was desperate for this closeness. My
fingers worked through his hair, pulling him closer to me. He
rolled, and placed me laying on my back. The moonlight reflected
in his earnest eyes. I could see the unspoken question in his
eyes.
I leaned up and kissed him gently, easing his t-shirt over his
head. We kissed again, my chest pressed up against his chilled
skin. His body shivered, and it made me smile. Suddenly, I felt
powerful. I nibbled on his chin, my fingers sliding down his back
to his jeans. A slight tug got him looking at me again.
We tried to squirm out of our respective jeans, both of us
giggling at the contortions necessitated by the small confines of
the back seat. Then, he came to me. I could feel the heat his
dick brought against my thigh. I shivered, not sure of the
decision I was about to make.
For the last 2 years, I'd said no. Victorian charm, fear,
censure, morality; call it what you will. I loved Gary. He knew
that. And it's not like I never let him do anything; we'd fooled
around as much as any other teenage couple; we just never
actually "did it".
But fear is a powerful thing and I needed to be closer. I arched
into him, moaning his name, as he nibbled at my neck. I pressed
my pelvis into his, silently begging for more. Gary must've felt
the difference in my reactions because he leaned up from me. I
gave a barely perceptible nod.
Shaking, he asked, "Are you sure?"
I leaned up to kiss him in response. He jumped, and I had to
giggle as he hit his head on the roof of the car. He reached into
the front seat to get his wallet out of his jeans, and pulled out
a condom. Putting it on the ledge behind the back seat, he leaned
back down to kiss me. His fingers went down lower, teasing my
pussy. His fingers moved within me, making me jerk beneath him.
My breath became ragged, until I was begging him. Quickly he
slipped on the condom, and nervously pressed his head against my
opening. It felt different, bigger than his fingers, firmer. I
breathed deeply, shakily as my body started to get used to the
feeling. I opened my eyes to see him watching my face for my
reactions. I smiled gently at him and pressed back against him.
I felt the pull as something tore, and my body tensed. He
groaned, visibly shaking to keep still. He murmured, "God, you
are so beautiful," then slowly pulled out. It ached a bit, then
he pressed gradually back in. He moved gently inside me, his eyes
focused on my face. I watched the concern and love and yes, fear,
in his eyes. Even in the half-dark, I could read their glittering
depths. I leaned up and kissed him, first tenderly, then more
passionately.
It was as if I had given him permission, and he was pressing into
me more and more firmly. The ache was gone, only a fullness and a
yearning. I pressed up against his bucking thighs, moaning
incoherently. He continued, as he stroked the sweat soaked hair
out of my face. I could feel his thrusts getting choppier. With a
deep groan, he jerked against me, and I felt the sudden expansion
of his dick.
I was panting, still unfulfilled. He collapsed against me,
kissing my breast, moaning against my skin. Suddenly, he
shifted, his hand reaching lower.
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself. You're so beautiful." He
gasped out. And as he said it, his fingers found my clit,
flicking it quickly. My inner muscles squeezed against his
deflating cock, causing him to moan. His fingers moved faster,
practiced at making me cum this way. It didn't take him long to
get me to join him, and I was shrieking my praise.
We laid down together spoon style on the seat, his arm curled
around me, holding me to me. I felt him whisper in against my
hair.
"You're so beautiful."
"You've said that already."
"Well, it bears repeating. I love you." He was quiet for a
moment, his fingers moving idly over my skin. "I'll come back. I
promise." His fingers stilled, then squeezed me.
I whispered quietly as I turned to look at him, "don't make
promises you can't keep."
"Your love for me will keep me safe." I looked at him. If he
weren't so serious, so earnest, it would have sounded like the
corniest thing in the world. But I saw the look in his eyes. And
there was nothing I wanted more than to believe him.
Copyright Dryad (gbbjg@yahoo.com) 2003 <1st attachment end>
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